Chronicles Of A Therapist

Chronicles of a Therapist embodies a safe space for others to be able to explore how our individual health and wellness effects us all within a community setting. It is a place to learn, explore, challenge, and change. Within this space we can talk about the ins and outs that we all experience in this world. Cass is a Licensed Professional Counselor with the state of Ohio and has been working within the mental health field for 10 years. She has been able to help the lives of many from various walks of life but recently identified that melinated people struggle being able to ask for help and talk through what they are experiencing. This space was birthed from personal experiences and wanting to allow connections for those who may not know how to connect with those who they may need to. Cass’ passion for the growth of others health and wellness is birthed from her own losses, challenges, and victories. Come take a load of listen, change, and immerse yourself in learning to love and learn from all parts of your person.https://instagram.com/cnsheplpc?utm_medium=copy_link

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Chronicles Of A Therapist

Happiness Is Relative

April 03, 2025 • Cassandra Shepherd

Happiness is an internal state that has nothing to do with relationships, money, or external validation, yet many women mistakenly define their happiness through others, particularly romantic partners.

• True happiness comes from within and is defined as "the state of being happy," not dependent on another person
• Many women get into relationships for convenience without ensuring they genuinely like their partner's personality and values
• Maintaining separate interests and friendships outside your relationship is crucial for personal fulfillment
• Motherhood shouldn't be your entire identity; children naturally separate as they grow, leaving moms who haven't developed themselves feeling lost
• Real friendships involve accountability and genuine care, not just people who agree with everything or gossip partners
• Online connections aren't substitutes for real-life friendships with face-to-face energy exchanges
• Self-care isn't just about massages—it's about knowing yourself and understanding your personal needs
• Money, relationships, and status don't guarantee happiness; even millionaires and celebrities struggle with unhappiness

Allow your passion to propel your purpose. Like, share, subscribe, and engage with me on Instagram @CNShep_chronicles.

Speaker 1: 0:17

Hey guys, welcome to Chronicles of a Therapist. I am Cassandra Shepherd and welcome to my space. So in that last episode I was women, y'all bored, y'all need lives. I had to come back because I want to keep going on my tangent. But I read something and it was talking about happiness and it makes me happy. My man will buy me such and such and such and such. And I thought about it and y'all know I was raised a little different, like my daddy definitely raised me to be a hard worker and not want a man for anything. Need, yes, like, I'm sorry, not even need. My daddy was different. He has all girls, so he, he, he, he navigated us a little different. We all hard workers, we're gonna get our bag, so we different.

Speaker 1: 1:08

But a lot of us women believe that happiness equates our man and a man, your man or whatever, and that's not really what happiness is Like. I've seen so many memes and happiness is and I do Like my happy for real is somewhere on the beach by the ocean. That to me, is happy by definition, matter of fact, because y'all, according to Oxford, to be happy means the state of being happy, meaning it's a state it ain't got nothing to do with nobody else At all At all. It don't, it don't. And so for women we have a tendency to believe you know, you got the women who I'll be happy when I get married, I'll be happy when I have kids, I'll be happy when I'll be no, be happy when I have kids, I'll be happy when no, because those are things that can come and go. I have met more people who started off married and, great and wonderful. They got married and realized they didn't really like the person they married Because it was so convenient, they wanted to be in a relationship so bad they wanted to be an other, a second, a couple, so bad that they missed all the real stuff that comes with like being married, like make sure you actually like the person that you're with, like really like them, like like them, their personality, who they are, how they think, their values and stuff. And some of us women ain't doing that. We just like he got some money, so what? What if his company go bankrupt? Then what, what, what if? What if that money that he had goes away? What if he gets injured and he can't do what he used to do? That those are things that happen in marriage and in long-term relationships.

Speaker 1: 2:59

A lot of us women are bored, like I said, because you want your man to fill the gaps in your life, okay, I'm off work. Okay, babe, what we doing? No, no, no, no, because guess what men do when they want it, when they want their time, they, they, they want to be left alone. They don't want to hang out with us. They really don't.

Speaker 1: 3:20

Now, as somebody who absolutely enjoys their significant other, yeah, I do, but he's an introvert and like to be in the house in the dark, not me. I want to be outside, especially in the summer. I don't even want to be outside in the context of oh, we outside. No, I mean literally, the sun is out, let's go take a walk. My partner is not like that. But guess what? Cass has friendships outside of my relationship and a lot of us women want and desire to be a couple and a unit. So bad that we don't know what we like. We like the idea of being with someone and companionship is just not your significant other, like most of us had some some sort of friendship outside of being with this person. So like I mean, unless there are people like this, the people who met in high school, but even then, they grow. They have jobs. They have you, still have they.

Speaker 1: 4:20

I don't play basketball. I will take him and watch him play basketball. I ain't about to go play basketball. No, sir, not my thing. We can go to the gym together, but we don't even have to work out together. Go over there, actually. Bye. That's your therapy, that's my therapy, and so this comes from a person who has taken the time to know the things that I like as a person. I travel my significant other. If it was up to him, we would travel twice a year. If it's up to me and I got the money, once a month I'm out. I got to go Goodbye. Something that's something that I enjoy and I also do it without him. I don't need you around. Okay, bye. I got sisters and friends to do stuff with. I don't need him to do anything.

Speaker 1: 5:06

A lot of women, y'all are bored and y'all unhappy because y'all think happiness is attached to a man and it's not the state of being happy. You need to figure you out. You need to identify as a person, not as a mom, not as a mom, because my moms are really struggling. You are struggling and I promise you at some point it's all well and great when they little. At some point they're going to grow up About 13, 14, not even 18 out the door, about 13, 14, 12, 14, 12, 11 depend on your kid. They don't want to be around you at all. They don't they gonna. They love you, they don't want, they are not your friends. So, as a mom, please find some hobbies and know yourself like yes, be a great mom, take care of your kid absolutely. But that cannot be your end all. You cannot just be oh, I'm gonna be a soccer mom. That's cool, because that's what your kid want to do, not because that's what you want to do. What do you like doing? That's why moms are so stressed out. Y'all don't know yourself, y'allself. Y'all don't know what y'all like, what y'all don't like. I don't like having to get up at five in the morning. So on the weekends I'm going to sleep in. Y'all kids will eat cereal and leave me alone. Do that? It's cool.

Speaker 1: 6:32

People think self-care is about doing massages. Self-care is knowing yourself and identifying what it is that you need as a human. It ain't got nothing to do with just getting massages and stuff. The reason why, for me, self-care is that because I work out and stuff. So my massages, yeah, they're relaxing, but I'm usually sore. Ninety seven percent of the time I didn't pull something, I didn't stretch, so the massage is really, you know, it's relaxing. It's really because I've done something stupid with my body and didn't do it right. It's not self-care, because it's oh, I just want to do no, I work out and don't stretch. I get yelled at all the time for that right.

Speaker 1: 7:06

So, women, please find your hobby, and if you don't have any friendships, you need to figure out why you don't have any real friendships. I'm not talking about the. The person you kiki with on the phone and you gossip with that always is not a real friendship. I've talked about this if your friends don't hold you accountable, are those your friends? No, your friends should never just be yes, people, because if so, they're not really your friends and they probably don't really like you and they're probably talking about you behind your back. They're not going to tell you that, but yeah, you're the topic of something else. Find you some real friends who hold you accountable, who listen to you, so when you are.

Speaker 1: 7:49

I saw this um tiktok and this girl was talking about friendships and how important they were, and she was talking about as a mom. She went to the hospital but her friends made sure she was okay. Her friends showed up with her, her, her package of stuff because she had to stay overnight at the. That's real friendships. These are people who listen to you, who actually care about your well-being. Not the most recent tea, not the gossip did no. No, you need some real friendships who hold you accountable and if you don't have them, the sad thing is, at this day and age I hate to say it it's really hard to find friends and all your friends aren't on social media. Those are not your real friends. Those are Now.

Speaker 1: 8:32

Do I believe that you can have Even the idea of pen pals when we were younger, like there was a level of friendship and can they hold you accountable? But I'm talking about the people who have these phantom friends that they have no real true French like relationship with. Not I've met people on Facebook and we're actually friends, but we've actually met in real life. There's something special about actually face-to-face meeting somebody and sitting in their energy to know who they really are, because people lie behind screens and at this big grown age, if you don't know that girl, they be lying the same way we got filters because you got that pimple because of that time of the month and you put that filter on to hide that pimple. People are putting real life, emotional filters on social media because that's not really who they are. They are doing clickbait, they trying to get their content, they content creators, so they're gonna say whatever the tea is to get you to engage. They are not necessarily your real life, truthful friend.

Speaker 1: 9:37

So, yes, please go, get you some real friends, whether you and, like I said, it is hard, the older we get, it's harder to find friends. It is Sorry, I'm sorry, I'll be the adult to tell you. Like I will say I have great friends that I have gotten from work, but guess what? They weren't just nine to five. We went places and we talked outside of work. If you don't take that extra step with work friends or however you know them, church friends or whatever, they can't just be your friends when you're at that place. Right, and they got to be more than just talking about work stuff. So I know that we feel like that's our friends, but they not. Those are just our work besties. Emphasis on work. All right, find you some friends.

Speaker 1: 10:26

That might mean that you need to do something different, girl. You might need to, you know, get out of your routine. Maybe you need to go to a paint set by yourself. Maybe you need to go do something by yourself, something that, hey, you enjoy, because maybe your man don't want to do another pain sip. I don't think they really like those. From the men that I've talked to, it's like 50-50. They don't always want to do the pain sip, but anyway, find some hobby, find some friends and, if need be, if all of this doesn't work, you might need to start with therapy, because maybe you have some interpersonal stuff that you need work through.

Speaker 1: 11:02

And maybe, after doing these things, maybe you'll be happy, because you'll understand what happiness really is and you'll understand that happiness is not associated with any person. It's actually internal, because you can be. You ever see people and this this is always amazing to me you ever see a homeless person that's happy, not like I'm on drugs, happy, I mean happy, happy like they are delighted in the world, and homeless. There are people like that because they have identified hey, I alive, I ain't got everything I need, I'm living. So I think we have to get back to understanding that happiness and being happy has nothing to do with the things that can fall away.

Speaker 1: 11:44

Yes, do we all want to have money? Yes, we do. But guess what? Millionaires got a lot of money and some of them are not happy. They're the most suicidal people ever. I mean, let's look at all the celebs who, you know, unalive theirself. They're not happy. Money don't make you happy. Being in a relationship don't make you happy. Happiness comes from internally, some. So some of us need to do some interpersonal work. Some of us absolutely need to identify what happiness means outside of those relationships in our life.

Speaker 1: 12:15

You can be more than a mom. You can be more than our life. You can be more than a mom. You can be more than a significant other. You can be more than whatever your job believes you to be, whatever your career field is. Yes, this is Chronicles of a Therapist and my therapist, but I'm also Cass, and if you know me, you know, yes, I'm a great therapist, but I'm really just Cass first and foremost. And that myself took growth, took therapy, took going through ups and downs, losing people, all kinds of stuff. So do your work, girl, it'll help you. And if you like this content like, share, subscribe you could also engage with me on instagram at c and chef underscore chronicles and don't forget to allow your passion to propel your purpose. See you next time, guys.