Series 3 Episode 3 - Love and Connection

We are back after a little breather (we know you missed us!)—Series 3 of your favourite mental hug in audio form is BACK. Forget the existential dread for a bit. This season, we’re diving into the good stuff: rediscovering your voice, cultivating the love and connection you’ve been longing for, and gently unravelling the grip of burnout, anxiety, and those ever-present mental gremlins. We’re Alan Muskett and Kelly Saward—Mindfulness Teachers and Wellbeing Specialists—and together we’re sharing the real, unfiltered conversations we’ve had on our own paths toward balance, clarity, and self-compassion. The highs, the lows, the learning curves—it’s all here. Whether you’re navigating a big life transition, feeling stuck in the daily grind, or just craving a softer place to land, this series is for you. Expect open-hearted chats, practical tools, and gentle reminders that healing isn’t linear—but it is possible. Our goal? To help you feel less alone, more understood, and to remind you that coming home to yourself isn’t a destination—it’s a practice. One thoughtful, compassionate, sometimes laugh-out-loud episode at a time. So go ahead, exhale. You’re in the right place. We’ve got you! 

 #calm #podcast #loseyourmindpodcast #mindfulness #conversation

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:14

Hello, and welcome to the Lose Your Mind podcast, where we talk about lots of things related to mindfulness and well-being. And I'm here today with my counterpart, Kelly. Morning, Kelly.

SPEAKER_00 0:31

Good morning. Thank you for introducing me, which is not what I did last week, was it? I just went into it. But that's right, you didn't.

SPEAKER_01 0:40

And you you being a an accomplished radio presenter and all, you know, you must have just forgotten yourself for a minute. But anyway, I forgive you. I think we got over it. So if you've been listening to us, we've had a couple of episodes already. We've been we've reignited our podcast passion, talking about uh mindfulness and what we've been doing over the last year. And in the last episode, we talked about burnout. And in this episode, we're going to talk about love and connection, which I know is a particular favourite of my friend here, Kelly. So, Kelly, why don't you just give us a little bit of a flavour of what this is all about for you?

SPEAKER_00 1:23

Well, I think is what I'm starting to realize is that love and connection for me are two of my core values. And I know that you're very familiar with this in the work that you do, but I think for all of us, if people don't know what their values are, it's something you should really spend some time doing because our values apparently never really change. Who we are as people, you know, the way we show up in the world, those values are at the core centre of our being. And when we come back to them, I think we find security and safety and things like that. And it's important to feel that. And for me, feeling connected is so hugely important. I love being around people. I really love the work that I do on the radio, as you mentioned, and um sharing my work, you know, whether that's one-to-one in businesses, in private work, in circles, just to feel that element of connection with people. Because I think the more connected we are, um, the more others feel safer to do the same. And then, you know, it's just a beautiful thing, isn't it? And love is at the center of that. And it's not a word we throw around. Often, some people in the in the world I'm in, it's kind of like saying hello, then. But I think a lot of people don't freely use that that word, and we can lose ourselves so often in keeping up, you know, how we were talking about the importance of recognising burnout and things that take us away from ourselves. I feel that love and connection bring us back. So it's really important to me in the work that I do to have this just at the core of everything. And that's why I just really wanted to talk about it. I love being connected back here with you after all this time, and because I think it gives us space to learn new things and have good discussions and other people to hear them too. And like we said in episode one, we just want people to feel they're with us and build that connection. So, yeah, it's it's a huge passion of mine, yes.

SPEAKER_01 3:41

I can tell. And and so love and connection, are they the same thing or is that different for you? I'm just trying to get some context around maybe a definition here.

SPEAKER_00 3:52

Oh, good question. So I think they kind of weave together, but they do stand a line as well, because you to feel connected to things, you don't have to you don't have to love everything you're connected to. You know, you might have momentary connections or things that you're connected to to a time to help you, but it's also important. It kind of, in fact, this has really got me thinking. So it's almost like not the chicken and the egg cinema, but the um, I think you and I had this conversation once before. I can't remember if it went into series two, but I remember touching on it in my book, which we'll come on to. But you know, thoughts and feelings and emotions. So we were talking about almost a mathematical equation for it, you and I. Do you remember? And it was like, okay, thought thought plus feeling equals emotion.

SPEAKER_01 4:50

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 4:50

Um, and we were talking about that. We touched on the um new book by um Mark Williams and his thoughts on it, and that was really, really interesting. But this has just brought that to mind for me. So, with love and connection, like, do you feel love when you're connected, or do you need to feel connected to feel love, you know? But it's it's it's quite a big question, isn't it? Really?

SPEAKER_01 5:20

Yeah, it's riddled me that one, isn't it? Really?

SPEAKER_00 5:22

So thanks for landing that live on these podcasts.

SPEAKER_01 5:28

Yeah, let's let's just dive in, hey, on the on the easy topics.

SPEAKER_00 5:34

But I think if you if we did a poll, and in fact, we could actually explore this in the podcast. You know, we put in links to things. If people want to engage, we could actually put a little poll to ask. Really, everybody must, in my opinion, this is only my opinion, but want to feel connected to something, and most of the time that thing at the core of it is love. Because for me, it comes back to that. Whatever the thing is, like the work that I'm doing now, the purpose behind it is love. I want to be able to give something to people so they feel less alone, you know, that they're not suffering with mental health issues, that they can be their best selves, you know, like you. But it comes back to that place of love. It's not for me, I think the purest things come from that place. Of course, people need to earn money and blah, blah, blah, and all this stuff. And I know it's important, but really, if we do things for money or we do things for for other people, the the true connection to it isn't there because it hasn't come back to that place of love, which is where the authentic passion comes from. And you can feel it. If I go to someone for an appointment and I know they're in, I can feel that when I go in the room. If I go to someone and they're just in it for money or ticking a box or a thing, you can feel that, and I just would never go back. I think feeling connected to that place provides such a difference. I don't know if that makes sense. This is just what's coming up for me now.

SPEAKER_01 7:11

No, it makes perfect sense, and and you're opening up a lot of really important ideas. And I was just going back to yeah, you've you've the way I interpret it is love and connection are two different things, but they are I hate to use the word connected because that confuses it, but it's almost like connection is the bridge over the river, you know, between two villages or something, and then the love is the traffic that goes back and forth between, right? It it's the yeah, so so that that's really crystallized it for me that they are two different things, but they go together, they absolutely go together. And what you just said is also about the the authenticity, and if you're not feeling it, then you shouldn't be doing it. Not if you want not if you want to be happy and be true to yourself, and that's when you come back to your core values, as you just said. So it all makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 8:02

Good. That's that's nice.

SPEAKER_01 8:04

That's a good start, isn't it? If it makes sense, that that's really helpful. So what what how do we how do we take this forward? What's what's it all about?

SPEAKER_00 8:17

So as you know, and we touched on, I wrote and published my book in 2024, which is called Desperate to Be Loved. Um the title I think probably speaks for itself, but it's not actually a good place to be sat in desperation. Let's face it, in life, if you're really desperate for something, things never really flow too easily. So when it's natural, it's that love comes easier. And I think for me, I was searching for this, what I thought was love, um, in so many different places, whether it work be a work the workplace, whether it be in relationships, whether it be just so that I could feel good enough, you know, that narrative of not good enough, not good enough, always searching for it that I kind of just really lost everything. Like who who am I? What am I, you know, connecting back to those values, all these things. So the moment I started tapping into mindfulness and really sitting with meditating, having the true understanding of what meditation is, not all this clear mind, I won't swear, but you know, blah. Um, when I now yeah, but it's actually about really being aware, isn't it, of the thing? You know, like you said on your ladder last week, you said, you know, the awareness is key, it's a fundamental step for us to make a change and you know, things like that. And actually, I am gonna quote something from my book, which I end with.

SPEAKER_01 9:50

Please go ahead. We love quotes.

SPEAKER_00 9:52

So I finished my book with this quote that I wrote, which I can't find. I kind of know it, but you know when you don't want to say it wrong, so I'm gonna find it. But it's about um love because I think the quote goes like this when we build habits from fear, we lose ourselves, and when we build habits from love, we find ourselves, and that is what I realized made a huge difference in my life, and I ended the book like that because really it my book it's not really a how-to guide. It I suppose you can pick it up, and I just wanted people to feel like they weren't alone with the lack of self-belief, they're not good enough, their anxiety, the worry, all these things that people suffer, they're they're going to happen, but there is a there is a way through. And for me, it comes back to the love and connection of it.

SPEAKER_01 10:51

And in a sense, it's about then your love and connection with yourself, isn't it? That's the Yes. The the twist in the tail. Because desperate to be loved sounds like you're looking for almost like the perfect relationship, or you're looking for something in your relationship that you're not getting, or with a friend or work colleague, whatever it is, probably not desperate to be loved with a work colleague, but you know what I mean. But having explained the way you've said it, love has so many different dimensions to it that it could be any any part of any relationship or interaction with anybody.

SPEAKER_00 11:27

But I think that was the whole um discovery for me, in that when we come back to ourselves and find that love truly for ourselves, for who we are, and those values, things will fall away from us, you know, people, friendships, relationships, but then it makes space for new people, friends, relationships, jobs to come in because you're more connected to your authentic self and you're the people that lift you up. And that's what I'm noticing is my life has changed along this journey. The environment, the company, the you know, relationships, everything does shift and change in life, but we mustn't resist it always because when we resist it, we say we stay stuck and we need to move forward, and that's what I'm noticing. So I'm now being drawn into situations and being around people where I can be this this me, and that's okay, and that's where I feel like the true essence of love is found.

SPEAKER_01 12:30

How beautifully put. So I th I think you know your book is uh is your own story, but it is when you say it's not a how-to guide, there's lots of how-to tips in there. So you've really you've really, of course there are, but you've really shared what what what has worked for you and what people can do and how to get on, you know, for example, your journaling and and how to journal and what it does for you. It's really it's really a useful thing for people to have. Um but it's not preachy, is it? It's just saying this is what's worked for you, and you know, give it a try. Um but I love the way you've explained it. It it just makes it also clear, and also that I think if you you know what you discussed is finding some self-compassion, some self-kindness, some love for yourself. As you say, that's opened up your life to have people love you more. And there's something about it's there's a difference between self-love and being arrogant, you know, we're not drawn to arrogant people, but we're probably drawn to people naturally who are kind of peaceful and confident inside, which is part of that self-love and self-compassion. And so we therefore feel connected with them, because in a sense, that's what we want to be like as well.

SPEAKER_00 13:57

Well, I think so, yeah. I think you feel more comfortable around people who are really able to be themselves, um, because it is more comfortable, isn't it? And it's that paddle upstream thing, you know, you shouldn't really be doing anything if you feel like it you're paddling upstream, just flow back down.

SPEAKER_01 14:18

Yeah, we don't want to be doing that. Yeah, we want to go with the flow, is what you're saying. Okay. So tell us a little bit about how the the book flows, then, Kelly.

SPEAKER_00 14:28

Well, without taking up too much time, because we are trying to keep these episodes bite-sized, I will um just tell you the the chapters, shall I?

SPEAKER_01 14:38

That'd be great, yeah. Because I did that last week, so that's a nice bit of symmetry there.

SPEAKER_00 14:43

Okay, so there are 13 chapters, and all I'll say is I just the number 13 is important, but the first chapter is desperate to be loved.

SPEAKER_01 14:50

Why is the number 13 important?

SPEAKER_00 14:53

Um, I was born on the 13th, so was my dad. Um 13's really lucky for me. 13 also corresponds with both my children. My youngest daughter was due on the 13th, and I went into labor with my first one on the 13th. Bit too much information here, but Twilight Zone. And there are 13 moons, and the moon is very important to me.

SPEAKER_01 15:16

It's on the front of your book.

SPEAKER_00 15:18

It because it's so important, it's a real guide to me that the moon, you know, all these nature things, I think it's really important. But anyway, um, we'll come on to that another time. But for now, so desperate to be loved, um, just my definition of love and a tiny bit about me. And then the second chapter is called New Doors, which really, when we start to access that place of love, the new doors naturally open. You know, we try and open them all the time, but actually they will open themselves if we're with the right people and right environments, I believe. Just the natural things come. Um, Lost and Found is the third one, which I feel I'm on loop with, a bit like burnout. I'm kind of lost, then I rediscover, lost, rediscover. But I think it's important that exploration. Um, wait, surrender is chapter four, because we need to have a bit of patience and just to surrender to our experience. Anxiety is the biggest chapter in the book, chapter five, because I had a huge battle with it. Realised I was addicted to it, a bit like how we discussed about peace. I don't sometimes like to stop when I'm burning out because I'd rather just keep going. So anxiety had a similar theme. Chapter six, connection, which you know, my other fundamental value. Um, chapter seven is the heart's path, because I feel if we follow what our heart truly wants, you literally can't go wrong. We have to trust our heart and our intuition. And I actually don't need to say any more on that. Um, mountain calling is a bit random, but it's really connecting with dreams and desires and signs. Just in summary.

SPEAKER_01 16:58

Where does mountain calling come from?

SPEAKER_00 17:01

Well, it was really bizarre. I had I did a meditation, had a dream, and this mountain would keep coming up, and there were three incidences, which I mention in the book actually about mountains. Um and yeah, it's kind of a bit of a Moana connection, the Disney Moana. If you've ever watched that movie, if you haven't, I'd recommend it.

SPEAKER_01 17:22

I have indeed.

SPEAKER_00 17:24

Yeah, so it's that kind of you know, she she she's called uh on this quest, and she's a strong woman, she doesn't need the validation of other people. You you can see where I'm going with this, it's that that whole thing, and then lean lean into whatever we're feeling. So I think it's really important we lean into stuff rather than push it away.

SPEAKER_01 17:45

So, what do you mean by lean in? Just just clarify that for people.

SPEAKER_00 17:49

Okay, so for example, if someone says to you, Oh, I'm this came up just recently, actually, battling depression, the battle itself is causing the problem because you're resisting the thing. We need to welcome, lean into the experience, and it will ease on its own. That's very short summary. Um stay open.

SPEAKER_01 18:10

I think that's an episode on its own, by the way, leaning in.

SPEAKER_00 18:13

I mean, there's a there's a lot we could talk about.

SPEAKER_01 18:16

Yeah, there's a lot of no, we don't, we don't. There's a lot we could talk about there.

SPEAKER_00 18:21

So okay. So episode 524.

SPEAKER_01 18:25

Yes, we're still going.

SPEAKER_00 18:28

Um chapter 10 is stay open. Because I think it's important to stay open to experience and trust, a bit like the mindful attitude trust, it's that kind of thing.

SPEAKER_01 18:36

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 18:37

Chapter 11. Sorry, is everyone still with us?

SPEAKER_01 18:42

Yeah, hello.

SPEAKER_00 18:44

Chapter 11. No, it's fine. Um, feel it to heal it. Because we do have to feel the things to be able to bring a sense of freedom. And chat chapter 12, love your story. You know, we really need to appreciate where we've come from, the experiences and traumas we've had, because I believe it leads us to the work that we're doing. For example, you and I would have never written the books that we've written without our own personal experience, which is part of our story.

SPEAKER_01 19:12

And makes it authentic too, I hope.

SPEAKER_00 19:15

Yes. And then finally, chapter 13, the journey to who she was, who she's always been, which a little insight here. I was gonna call my book that, and my brother said it's too much of a mouthful. And I thought, well, I'm not gonna not have it in, and because I feel I've almost come back home to myself. That's the full circle thing. Lovely.

SPEAKER_01 19:36

So it is the homecoming, really, and it's you discovering your own connection with yourself and your own love for yourself, isn't it? Which has been, I think from what you're saying, missing all those years.

SPEAKER_00 19:47

Yeah, and I'm just permanently on loop with the whole thing. But thinking about it, Alan, as we wrap up this episode, because we obviously had our reintroduction, then your book, then my book, there's a lot of crossovers with the things we talk about, the tools we use, and they complement each other quite well, really, don't they? If you think about the the journeys and the stories we've shared with the problems that we're facing, but they're just spoken from two different voices.

SPEAKER_01 20:11

That's right. And how many more voices are there out there that need to share their story? Tell us. If you like this episode or these episodes, why don't you respond to us and share your story too? We'd love to hear from you.

SPEAKER_00 20:26

That's lovely. And writing's so powerful, which is episode four. So come back next week for that.

SPEAKER_01 20:32

Yeah, we're, you know, you can see we've got a plan here.

SPEAKER_00 20:35

At least one.

SPEAKER_01 20:37

Yeah, even though we do seem like we're off the cuff, we don't make it all up as we go along. So, anyway, I hope you've enjoyed this episode on Love and Connection. Thank you, Kelly, for all of your insights there. And there's a lot to unpack, a lot to learn, a lot to take on board, but we'll really make a difference to you. I do recommend you take a look at Kelly's book. There is so much stuff in there, and it's very honest and very authentic, very vulnerable. And you should have a read. Why wouldn't you? And we'll put the link in the comments down below in the podcast so that you can order that for yourself. In all kinds of versions paperback, hardback, ebook, and audiobook.

SPEAKER_00 21:23

Yeah, so you can listen to this voice for eight hours and forty-four minutes.

SPEAKER_01 21:29

Don't book your holidays yet. But if you do, take this with you. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 21:34

So until next time.

SPEAKER_01 21:36

Till next time