This episode was inspired by a recent Q&A call with some of the women inside of Food Freedom Evolution. I’m breaking down why we so often are working hard to change patterns and form new eating habits, yet we aren’t seeing the results we’re hoping for. I’ve been here many times in my life! I cover:
Feedback? Questions? Comments? Head on over to Instagram and let me know in my DMs!
FREE TRAINING
COURSES
This episode was inspired by a recent Q&A call with some of the women inside of Food Freedom Evolution. I’m breaking down why we so often are working hard to change patterns and form new eating habits, yet we aren’t seeing the results we’re hoping for. I’ve been here many times in my life! I cover:
Feedback? Questions? Comments? Head on over to Instagram and let me know in my DMs!
FREE TRAINING
COURSES
[00:00:00] Welcome back to the Jesse Golden podcast. I'm coming off the heels of Thanksgiving. And it was delightful. I was in Wisconsin with my family. My mom is from there. So we have gone there for many, many years. And I just love it. It reminds me of my childhood. It's so good to see that side of my family.
My aunt was, is such an, a big part of my life, our life. It's just happy times all around. And now I'm back. And it's so funny, Coda. I feel like she punishes me whenever I give her to the Rover. Who I adore. I have such a wonderful river who watches her. But I feel like she punishes me whenever I'm back, where she kind of gives me the cold shoulder and it takes a while for her to warm back up to her mom.
So we are currently. In that stage. Right now, it's pretty funny, but I'm bringing you guys an important episode. Today. Coming off the [00:01:00] heels of, we did a Q and a bonus episode inside of food, freedom evolution with guests, Alyssa Chang, who will be on the podcast. She's been on the podcast. Gosh, almost about two years ago now.
And she'll be coming back on here shortly, and she's such a great resource for everyone inside of FFE. And then for you guys who aren't, you'll be able to take advantage when I interview her for the podcast, but. About the nervous system. About how you might be having strange experiences or symptoms within your body. And what those things might mean, how we can work with those things, fight flight, freeze, fawn, all of those things. And so much more, so that will be coming soon.
But what I was picking up, I got a couple of questions during the Q and a session from some of the FFE members and. It led to me wanting to discuss why someone could be going through the work, whether you're doing it just through my posts on social media. So my free content, whether you're in [00:02:00] my paid courses, whether you're in somebody else's paid courses, whatever that looks like. Why. And I've been in this position. As well, absolutely why we can be doing the work. Quote-unquote but not seeing the results. So to preface this. I've been in this situation many times when, so I've purchased many courses throughout my life.
And a lot of them have been either personal development related. My first course was Gabby Bernstein's when I was just out of college, I had no money. I scraped money together when I was living with my parents that summer. After graduation to buy a personal development mindfulness course from her. And I was so dedicated and so motivated. And so it got a lot out of that course.
And then I've taken a lot of other personal development courses and I've taken a ton of business courses. And I've noticed after reflection. Some of them radically changed my life and some of them, I leave kind of being like, Ugh, I didn't get what I wanted. And in [00:03:00] reality. It's, there was a very distinct type of mindset and energy that I was showing up with with each of these.
And it's not right or wrong because sometimes certain resources, certain people, certain information comes into our lives into our path at the right time when we're ready, we're truly ready to act on it. And oftentimes when I had invested in these courses where I didn't see the results that I had wanted, it's because I was not truly in a place to receive the information and actually was not ready to change amongst many other things.
So that's not to say it's doom and gloom at all. If you find yourself in that situation, it's just, oftentimes we need some mindset tweaks, which is what I needed. And I've gone through these courses, redone them. With a shift. A mindset shift or reframe. And got a completely different experience out of it.
So I want to encourage you that if you find yourself, if you feel like you're doing all the things, but you still feel really stuck. Listen to this episode and [00:04:00] see if you can take what I'm sharing with you. Use this reframe and go back to the information. Again, whether it's my free stuff, my paid stuff, somebody else's content doesn't matter. And see if you can transform the information into a different experience for yourself, because information is not what creates transformation.
It's the embodiment of that information. That's so important. Hey, so. First thing is treating the work like a checklist. So if you're just going through. The motions you're saying, okay, I completed this module. I did this worksheet. Why isn't anything changing for me? That's the difference between the information versus the embodiment.
You have to say, why am I doing. B's worksheets these practices. Why is she telling me to do these, these practices every single day? And it's so that the elicit a shift. But if we are just mindlessly going through the motions of. Okay. And closing my eyes and meditating. She said something should be [00:05:00] happening. No.
The reason that I asked people to meditate is so that it can improve mindfulness. And then with that improvement in mindfulness, we're able to show up to our meals differently. We're able to show up for our emotions, our bodies differently. So you truly have to dig into what is the purpose of the work that I'm doing? That's what's really important to identify.
So if we were to. Use that in the context of, let's say me and these business courses, right. Didn't see the results. It's just, okay, you need to post at this time every day or you need to do this type of content. And it's like, okay, I'm like half faceting this post I'm like doing it, but you said something should be happening.
Nothing's happening. And then when I go through it and say, okay, what is the purpose of this? I'm really going to dedicate myself to understanding why I'm doing this and embody it and not just do it. Just show up and pretend I'm actually embodying it. But truly take it very, very seriously. So your level of commitment has to be. Definitely over 50%. Even if you're not a [00:06:00] hundred, let's get 80% there, 90% there.
And don't just treat the work like a checklist. Okay. Going through the motions. Another really big one is expecting somebody to save us. And I say us because I've been here. God have I been here so many times, so.
I want to be very clear that even though I am the one guiding women to these results, better relationship with food. Sustainable weight loss, healthy habits, whatever it is. I am not your guru. Just as no one is my guru.
So no one I'm not coming to save anybody. Just like no one is coming to save me. I'm a human being. You're a human being and yes, I have been through things and overcome things that maybe you haven't and vice versa. But at the end of the day, no one can do the work for us. Right. So there has to be this level of commitment and level of responsibility [00:07:00] of I'm showing up for me. I'm the one doing it. And I actually was just messaging with a client. Who went through FFE a couple of years ago.
And she's like, I'm a completely different person now. And everything that I thought that, you know, it just seemed like a pipe dream. The way I interact with food and my body now I actually have, and she said, it's all thanks to you. And I said, no, it sinks to you. Because she showed up with a very distinct energy.
And I can tell when certain women, certain clients show up with certain energy, it is like, they're just not taking no for an answer. They are going to transform. No matter what they are going to see the results. And that's not something I can give. I can absolutely guide you there and challenge your notions and call you forward and call you to step up.
Right. I'm actually interacting with you. One-on-one but the thing with self-paced courses is you have to give that to yourself.
If I'm not working with you in a group setting. Then you have to, and this is part of just the game of [00:08:00] courses, right? Is you have to say, I'm calling myself forward. I'm holding myself to a certain standard. I'm holding myself to certain expectations, just like with me. When I was going through those business courses, those personal development courses. I eventually had to sit with myself and say, I'm expecting them to save me so that I can sit there and say, well, they didn't do it. No. I was showing up with the energy of. I'm not really going to take responsibility.
I'm just going to defer it to them. Cause it feels good. It has felt good. A lot to be quite Frank. At times that I'm just, I can't be asked I'm in that mindset of like, I just, I want someone to do it for me. I'm fucking tired. I don't want someone to just tell me what to do. And then if it doesn't work, I can just say, Hmm. Their fault. And that's not how any change literally think of any time you've changed in your life?
Anything. It has never come from someone coming in and rescuing. You or myself? So, and it's not from [00:09:00] a place of. Oh, you're being a victim. It's hell no. Let's call ourselves to be more powerful. There's such beauty when we decide to take on full responsibility and to step up fully and say, I claim that this is my new reality. My coach, Carly, who I interviewed on here, she would say that there's a difference between desire and a decision.
And that client, I was just referring to previously, she showed up with a fucking decision.
She said, this will be my future reality, even though it was muddy as hell. She couldn't see what she was working towards. She couldn't see how she was going to get there. She showed up every single day with the energy of. This will happen. And I don't really know how, but it's going to happen. And of course you just follow the steps and the guide, and you commit yourself fully with the embodiment and give it time and practice and commitment. And you're there slowly, the path reveals itself.
But there's a difference between [00:10:00] desire and just all this sounds nice.
I'd really like it. And no, this is mine. This will be mine. And that energy shift, you can feel it. Doesn't mean you're not filled with doubt. Sometimes it doesn't mean you're not filled with confusion and exhaustion and all of those things. But, you know, deep down. I will have a new reality. It is done. And this goes along with deferring responsibility, again, just outsourcing and saying, no, I'm going to put it on them.
And if it doesn't work, then it's their fault. And certainly there are certain elements where something could be somebody else's fault, right. When you're paying a practitioner, I've paid so many people for things, especially with health issues where I'm like, okay, this was just a waste of fucking money. Because they just didn't know what they were doing. That's not what I'm referring to here. Assuming the information is sound, which in my courses it is then there's that element of. I take full ownership of showing up to commit.
Another big one is [00:11:00] avoiding discomfort.
We are such creatures of comfort. It's just the way it is. We want what is familiar? Our brains will always want what is familiar? Even if it's success, even if it's awful, even if it's our own little version of hell, our brains, our nervous systems love predictability. So if we can acknowledge that when we are doing something different every time.
Now, now that I'm aware of this, where I want a new reality, I accept it's going to feel. Pretty uncomfortable. Sometimes like plain, old shit, it's going to feel bad. Until it starts to feel good until my brain and my nervous system adapt and say, ah, this new reality is actually safe. Because again, it's going to choose predictability. Over something that's actually better. For us every single time.
Every single time.
This is why people live. Most people live a very mediocre life. It's just. Middle of the road [00:12:00] or quite frankly uncomfortable. Rather than make the effort to change because our nervous systems, our brains will always convince us, no, just stay with what we know, because our brains are concerned about safety and survival.
They are not concerned about fulfillment, wellbeing, and happiness. And understanding that will change the game for you. This completely changed my life when I realized, oh, I can just ignore my brain because it's always going to shout. And say no, no, no, no. Don't do this. Don't do this. It's too scary.
It's too. This it's too, that. Think about, if you have a fear of public speaking, like most people do. Our brains will come up with any reason why we should not get on that stage. Why we should not be speaking. And are we actually going to die? No, it's just our brains come up with all these reasons like, oh, how can I get out of this thing?
Can I just say that my dog is ill? Can I say that I just was in a car accident? Whatever it is, your brain will come up with all these reasons. For you not to be able to show up. Going on a first date. [00:13:00] Can be nerve wracking. Your brain will rack all these reasons why. Okay, something's going to go wrong or no, maybe I should just cancel. No, you're not going to die.
You're going to be just fine. But your brain convinces you of the worst case scenario. When on the other side, Of those scary, uncomfortable things is usually the exact thing that we are looking for. So if you can learn to move towards that discomfort and say, this is. If I'm uncomfortable, that means I'm doing well. Because that means I'm growing and what you, you absolutely will not change your relationship with food. Unless you are growing. That were the case.
You'd already have it right. In order to have a new reality, you need to grow. And in order to grow, you need to be uncomfortable at some point. So view, change your frame of discomfort as this is a great thing. I'm going to learn to look forward to discomfort, because that means on the other side of that is a new reality for myself.
That's actually, when shit gets really good. When you can start to move forward [00:14:00] towards that discomfort and look forward to it. Things change.
Not leading yourself is another big one. So, and this is kind of a catch 22 because inside of food, freedom evolution, what I share with the whole purpose of that is for you to become your own guru with food and your body into develop the confidence, the self respect, the trust in yourself, connection to yourself.
So showing up and engaging. In the practices will play into learning to lead yourself. But you do have to go first. You have to try on every, all the information, all the practices, all the embodiment work inside. Of my course, somebody else's course. So if you're already not leading yourself in life, which is typically the case for women who struggle with their relationship with food, at least in this avenue. Then you're going to have to take a leap of faith and act as if this is why in the beginning of FFE, we do so much work around identity and belief systems. [00:15:00] Because oftentimes that is the thing that is holding us back from making the changes that we want to make with our relationship with food. Anyone can tell you, oh, just listen to your hunger and fullness cues.
Stopping your 80% full. See you later. If, if it were that easy, then I could just tell you this and off he'd be right. That's not how it works. You have to do the work deeper, the deeper work, the self work, the subconscious work. The identity work. First. And that's what we do in order to get you to a place where you start to build momentum into.
Okay, I got this. I can actually do this. I don't need somebody holding my hand. Telling me how to eat, how to move, how to live every second. So this goes hand in hand with showing up and doing the work and trusting the process.
And also being willing to lead yourself.
Another big thing is not integrating the work into your daily life. So this is a huge part of improving your relationship with food because just simply showing up [00:16:00] differently while you eat before you eat, after you eat is necessary. So anyone could sit down and say, okay, I did XYZ. Lessons, right. I watched the coursework. I did the lessons.
I did the practices. I did the homework. But then you just turn your brain off and you say, okay, but then I'm just going to continue on my worry way, which is the beginning. Like the first thing I said, if you're just treating it like a checklist, just going through the motions. You have to say, I'm committed to getting uncomfortable.
Going back to that one and integrating this into my daily life.
You have to be willing to actually show up differently. And that takes a shitload of mindfulness and awareness. Because the vast majority of how we live our lives is based on our subconscious programming. We're not even aware of what we're doing. We're just living on autopilot. So in order to change our behaviors and our patterns.
And I know it's frustrating, I'm working on changing a lot of things right now, and it is frustrating because it takes a lot of energy and effort to pay attention. [00:17:00] To when you are about to go into that old pattern and you have to sit and say, oh shit, This is the very thing that I'm trying to change.
And I have to sit in this discomfort. Because I can't just turn my brain off. I can't go into autopilot. I have to be really aware and mindful in order to change this. And it takes. Effort. This goes back to really wanting it. You have to show up and say, I want this. Cause it's not just going to happen. None of this stuff happens by chance. You have to commit.
Another one is lacking resourcefulness. So, if we are constantly in this, again is kind of a catch 22 with inside or within FFE is you have to go first because part of being resourceful is learning to trust yourself. And learning to lead yourself. So all these things go together, but that's again, where we do that identity, that deeper work at the beginning. So you can say I'm the type of woman who. XYZ.
I'm the type of woman who leads herself, who is resourceful.
[00:18:00]
Who gets creative, who says, Hmm, how can I apply this information? Maybe this exact scenario was not covered in somebody's content or somebody's coursework, but how can I apply what I do know what was covered to my exact specific situation?
How can I leverage that? And then when it gets really good is. As you start to do that, you build momentum, you build confidence and you realize aha. I know a lot more than I thought I did. And I am the one with the answers, which is ultimately anybody. Any coach worth a damn. Is going to be guiding you back to yourself anyway. I provide the guardrails.
I provide the path. The loose path. But ultimately I'm my goal is to teach you that you hold the keys to your own freedom inside of you.
And this can be frustrating. That that's the whole point of a great coach is leading you back to you.
[00:19:00]
And that is where true confidence comes from. True trust. True. Just that nervous system release because you know that you are what you need throughout life. No one can give you the answers that you're looking for. Sure you might have some health medical questions. Of course. But even then we need to learn to leverage our own connection to ourselves because we have so much wisdom. Held within ourselves.
Victim hood. There's another big one. We get such a massive payoff from victim hood. I find myself in a victim mindset. Quite often. Good thing is, is that I'm aware of it and I can move myself out of it pretty quickly. And the thing that moves me out of my victim mindsets is when I get caught in that loop. I sit with myself. And I get very real and I say, okay. I have two choices here.
I stay in this reality. And I can sit here and [00:20:00] blame. I can sit here and make myself feel good in the moment by claiming myself as a victim. But my reality stays the same. So that's one option. The other option is I take full responsibility and then I get a chance, at least at a new reality. And it's not always guaranteed the new reality, but at least I can change the way I'm looking at something.
I can change something. And that is a world of a difference. Nothing can change around me, but if I'm showing up with a different belief, a different perspective, That's enough to change. My life in some contexts. Certainly enough to change my energy and my mood. And my fulfillment, my happiness, my wellbeing.
But we have those two choices and I just say, okay, HS.
If you don't want to do it, that's fine. But we're going to admit that I need to admit that to myself if I don't actually want to do it and that's fine, but I'm going to stop sitting here blaming somebody else when I'm not taking responsibility either. I want to stay the same right [00:21:00] now, which is also fine. Sometimes I do say I'm just not ready to change right now. And that's the way it is.
I'm going to take the pressure off and just accept that right now is not the time. But that means I need to accept that nothing's going to change.
That's just part of the gig. Or sometimes I say, okay, I'm sick of my own shit. And I'm done with this story. And I know it's going to be uncomfortable and it's time for me to fucking change. And that usually when I get to that point, I have enough internal energy. Uh, internal inertia to say, okay, propel it's time.
I'm so sick of this. It's clear. I've sat down with myself. I've drawn a line in the sand. We're going this direction and now it's go time. So that moment of clarity of being really real with ourselves can be enough to catapult us out of that victimy mindset. Out of that. Woe is me. I have no power into Nope. It's time to move from just desire to decision. Again, crediting Carly, Anna for [00:22:00] that one.
Another reason is not meeting the deeper needs of why we developed these behaviors in the first place.
And this is a really, really important to understand and a big cornerstone of all the work we do instead of FFE. So your relationship with food, the way you interact with food is so often. 99% of the time. It's not about the food. At all. Sure. Sometimes you were sold some diet misinformation, but even at that point, There are people who are able to be told. Oh, you shouldn't eat this.
You should eat that. And just brush it off and say, get away from me. You don't know what you're talking about. That sounds absurd, or this is my body. This is my life. This is weird that you're trying to tell me what to eat. That's because that person already has the cornerstone of trust and connection. With herself with her body. Now for like myself, I didn't have any of that.
So I was right for the picking by the dieting industry. And that's what needed to be addressed, why I was so [00:23:00] susceptible. To all of that shit in the first place. Why I was so afraid to look at my emotions, why I was trying so hard to be approved of, to change myself and mold myself into something that people would find more palatable.
Why I was so insecure. I treated my body with such little respect. I treated myself such little respect to, I didn't trust myself. All of those things are what needed to be addressed.
It was just barely skimming the pur the surface. And if. That this idea of doing that deeper work scares you. That's fine. Just know that chances are that things are not really going to transform long-term until you're willing to look at that work and you go slowly than if you need to. Of course, you work with somebody on that. But if you're not meeting the deeper needs of why you're doing the things, what people call self-sabotage, you're not self-sabotaging you developed these behaviors for perfectly good reason.
They were to protect you. And now we just need to find better ways of meeting those needs. [00:24:00] If you developed an order overeating. I would say problem. Use that term loosely. If you developed a tendency to overeat very often, like I did. Because you were lonely because you were really unfulfilled. Because you felt so many strong emotions and you didn't know what to do with it.
And now that's your pattern. What a beautiful mechanism that was developed. And now we need to develop other skills to sit with those emotions, to process them. We need to start to really focus on why we feel lonely, why we feel unfulfilled and why we're using food to cope. Those are the things most people want to ignore, but that's, what's actually going to change your life. It's not eating. Bread and fruit.
Well, that feels really great to finally eat those things after a long time. This is barely skimming the surface. We need to get to the deeper needs that your behaviors are meeting.
And this goes hand in hand [00:25:00] with another reason is not having a clear direction or clear understanding of why you're doing what you're doing. So, as I said, if you don't understand that your behavior is actually meeting a deeper need. That's beautiful. And you actually just need to transform the way you're meeting that need, because we all have human needs.
We need love safety and belonging. And that's typically what our behaviors are trying to do is protect us, meet those needs in some way.
And if we're just sitting there berating ourselves and saying, oh, I just can't do this. I'm lazy. I'm a piece of shit. I'm blah, blah, blah. I'm stupid. I'm weak. I'm just self-sabotaging. No, you're not. You're not, you just need a better understanding. Of why you're doing what you're doing and then having more effective tools in order to meet those needs. Self-compassion is a really, really important part of this process.
Another reason is the ego is protecting you from seeing role you're playing. [00:26:00] And this, this is an edgy one because our egos want to hide. From having the spotlight shone on it at all times. And anytime I'm making a change. Like I said, I'm in a process of changing some things right now, and I can feel my ego trying to run and hide. From the changes that I'm trying to make because our egos develop. These compensatory mechanisms, behaviors in order. To protect ourself image or identity. You know, I'm the one who's always right.
Or whatever it is. I'm the one who's this I'm the perfect one. I'm the one who always has her shit together. I'm the, the athletic one. I'm the one who's always fit. I'm the one who's always the hardest worker. That was a big one for me. When we start to shine a light on that and question that.
Again, it comes to it from a self. Excuse me, self protection perspective. The ego was just there to keep us safe. And when we [00:27:00] start to shine light on those behaviors and say, Hey, I'm going to start to change these things. Ego tends to panic because it says we will wait. But I developed this identity. These behaviors in order to protect, and if you're taking them away, That I'm left, exposed. I'm less vulnerable and that's why we need to have those other tools.
Those other ways of showing our ego. We're okay. We're going to be fine, even if I'm not, for me, it was being the hardest worker and burning the candle at both ends. I'm still going to be loved and accepted. In life and by others, even if I'm not the hardest worker. Even if I'm not productive 24 7, I'm going to be okay. And I needed to go slowly.
But we need to identify that, Hey, I'm playing an active role in this. And our egos just trying to keep us safe, but that doesn't mean that it needs to be running a muck. Without us identifying it.
Now the reason is slowing [00:28:00] down is really uncomfortable and this can be for a number of reasons. It could be that your nervous system is super dysregulated. And so stillness feels truly threatening. And if someone has dealt with an experience of deep trauma, that is beyond the scope of my work, let's say for if someone suffered abuse.
And so being still feels like a threat because it reminds them of such a situation that would be beyond my scope. I would absolutely recommend that you find a practitioner. Who specializes in trauma. But for me, for example, when my nervous system was extremely dysregulated, because I was just moving non-stop. The idea of slowing down and being present in my body was uncomfortable.
And I had to start with, and I call this inside of FFE. We're bridging the gap between being able to sit in meditation for a lot of women, that's really uncomfortable because they're moving 90 miles an hour all the time. So moving the body in a way that is more mindful going for a walk outside. [00:29:00] Without technology that alone can be really uncomfortable. For people. Maybe you do a speed walk because you need to get more energy out and then eventually you can get into a place of. Okay.
I've gotten all that energy out and now I can be more still. Can also simply be that you have a lot of things that you realize you need to change in your life. So slowing down a super uncomfortable. I realized this when I was in my early twenties and I quit my first corporate job and went backpacking in Southeast Asia.
And it was the first time. That I had had a lot of stillness. In my. Since I was a teenager. And I really had to sit with, oh fuck. There's a lot that I need to change. There are a lot of patterns within myself that if I continue. On this road, I'm not going to be happy. With the way my life goes, so really needed to change things and it was extremely uncomfortable. 'cause, it was like there was a spotlight on me. And it wasn't the most fun, [00:30:00] but hot damn. If it was not the most important work I've ever done, because that's when things really started to shift for me. And if you notice, if you know that there's something lingering. For you that you need to change. And that's what you're avoiding. Doing the work slowing down, maybe it's you realize that some relationships need to change or your job needs to change, or you need to have hard conversations.
You need to draw boundaries. Go easy on yourself. Because that work can be uncomfortable, but it is the important work. If you're catching a theme here, the deeper work is the work that actually makes the difference. Another one is you're just simply not creating the timer space. And this goes back to desire versus a decision.
If someone said, Hey, You get to have every single one of your dreams come true. But you're going to need to carve out an hour every single day. Which is by the way, not the work that's required in FFE, but you're going to need to carve out [00:31:00] an hour a week. Plus you're going to need to carve out. Pockets of time every single day. To commit. To making change.
Five minutes, a couple of times a day to really center yourself, connect with yourself and to really reflect on your habits, start to integrate these changes in every single one of your dreams will come true. Do you've ever had, do you think you would do it? Most people probably would. Right. So, this is where we can see. Do I actually want what I say I want, am I actually showing up with the energy of this will be mine. Because if you show up and do the work it's going to work. Nine times out of 10. Again, unless the person you're learning from just as completely full of shit, which they're out there. They're certainly out there.
And lastly. You're committed to keeping things the same while wanting something different. This is one of the most difficult I've found in my own personal experience. Dichotomies to hold. Because [00:32:00] we sit in the void in the middle and we say, I really want to step over the line, step over the ledge into this new reality, but I'm so afraid. Of what that means for what I currently have. And sometimes this can come from the story that I'm just going to be blowing up my whole life in order to have this new reality.
And that's not true. Some people do to change that way. I have done change that way sometimes do not always recommend. That's what we see on Instagram, right? Oh, do they have a big eat? Pray, love moment. It doesn't have to be like that. Some things might change, but oftentimes this comes from. Our identities, the way we see ourselves and also the fear of how other people will see us.
If we change our identity. I struggled with this massively when I was such a big people, pleaser. And I still, this comes up sometimes depending on their relationship dynamics, but where will it's going to leave someone else feeling more uncomfortable? So I want [00:33:00] this new reality, but I also don't want to make the people in my life who I've had in my life.
You know, my whole life. Uncomfortable. Are these relationships I'm really afraid that these relationships are going to change. So that growth process can feel really, really uncomfortable. But we often, sometimes we can, but we often can't live with one foot in both.
And so what I would recommend that you do in this situation is I want you to write down all the benefits of you embodying this new identity. Because if you're just focused on the benefits of staying where you are, And the costs. Of your new identity. Then, of course, you're going to be less inclined to change. But if you focus on this is where I'm going, and this is everything I stand to gain from this new reality. And go into the impact he could positively have on your relationships. On everything that you're so afraid of losing flip it and say, what if. Everything gets so much better.
What if I have more lined relationships? And what [00:34:00] if the relationships I currently do have get even better.
And sure there absolutely may be some fallout. I won't lie. That has happened to me many times, but I promise you on the other side, when you step into living a more aligned life, a more authentic life where you're really taking care of yourself with food movement, doing what's best for you.
Things fall into place in ways that you cannot even see coming. The gaps will be filled. I promise.
So I hope this was helpful for you guys, and this is in no way meant to be. Disparaging or you're just not doing the work. Not at all. We're all human. And this is what it takes to change. These things are always operating in the background and if it were as easy as. Going through a list of items and then suddenly everything was changed in our lives.
Then. Life wouldn't be nearly as interesting. And it wouldn't be as challenging as it is. Right. And I certainly wouldn't have a job. So. As you're trying to [00:35:00] change your relationship with food, really get real with yourself and say, is this something I am just dipping my toes into? Or is this something I've decided will be mine? And start to show up with that energy. Slowly, but surely sit down with yourself, get real with yourself and commit, and I promise you we'll see changes so much more quickly. When you decide, but at the same time, take everything else into account here that I said and acknowledge that you're human being. Be patient with yourself, how to sh have a shitload of compassion for yourself and say, it makes sense why I have these behaviors.
So I'm going to speak really, really kindly to myself and make sure I'm nurturing myself and giving myself everything I need on a deeper level in order to actually change. Long-term. Would love to hear your thoughts on this one as always guys. So don't hesitate to drop on over. To Instagram into my DMS and let me know what you think. And i will see you all in the next episode