Due to popular demand, I’m sharing the top ways I manage stress. If you’re at all familiar with my work, you won’t be expecting surface-level tips, and you won’t be getting them:) As with most things, the reason we continue to find ourselves overworked and overwhelmed has so much more to do with our relationships with ourselves - but don’t worry, I’ll be providing practical tools to use as well.
In this episode, I cover:
JOIN SLA HERE! [Waitlist if doors have closed!]
Feedback? Questions? Comments? Head on over to Instagram and let me know in my DMs!
FREE TRAINING
COURSES
Follow me on Tiktok: @jessiemgolden
Subscribe to my Youtube channel
Due to popular demand, I’m sharing the top ways I manage stress. If you’re at all familiar with my work, you won’t be expecting surface-level tips, and you won’t be getting them:) As with most things, the reason we continue to find ourselves overworked and overwhelmed has so much more to do with our relationships with ourselves - but don’t worry, I’ll be providing practical tools to use as well.
In this episode, I cover:
JOIN SLA HERE! [Waitlist if doors have closed!]
Feedback? Questions? Comments? Head on over to Instagram and let me know in my DMs!
FREE TRAINING
COURSES
Follow me on Tiktok: @jessiemgolden
Subscribe to my Youtube channel
[00:00:00] Welcome. Back to the Jessie golden podcasts we were talking about. A topic that is so relevant and important for so many women in modern day. Western cultures. I would say all over the world, we're talking about managing stress and I'm going to share with you the six ways that I manage stress. The actual practical components of that will be at the end. And surprise, surprise.
If you're new to my world, then you will soon learn that so much of my work is going a layer deeper, often several layers, deeper into. Our relationship with stress, our relationship to why we find ourselves so often stressed. And this is the work that leads to actual lasting changes. And. Feeling better.
What we ultimately want. When I hear women say, how do you manage stress? It's Hey, I feel like shit. And I don't know how to get out of this hole that I've dug myself into. And I'm perpetually on this hamster wheel and I've been there. So let's get into it. Number one. [00:01:00] Is a really focused on adjusting my perception and my response to stressors. And sometimes I find myself in a loop and then I catch myself and say, okay, how can I reframe this?
Our framing for looking at situations is so important and he can give us so much power back. Instantly. So the first thing I do is say, okay, is this allowing me to build resilience? And if I sit in it, And allow my nervous system to respond to it, into adjust rather than impulsively running away from it, or just escaping into my head.
Then it's an opportunity for me to build resilience, which means that the next time. I come across a certain stressor. Whether it be at work or in relationship or. In the gym or just the amount of things I can handle at one time, I can then show up the next time this happens, knowing firstly, I've done this before.
And secondly, I can do it with much more resilience, much more [00:02:00] capability. So you say, okay, is this building resilience? Oftentimes, usually the answer is yes. If. I decided to sit with it. To be in it.
Now, secondly, maybe I do need to change something. If it's not in alignment with my values, which we will talk about. Uh, number two is I say, maybe this is. Here for a reason saying this is not something that I want. I had to accept this when it came to showing up to CrossFit five times a week and putting my body into the grave. I felt so awful.
The amount of stress that I was under was just, it was not healthy for me and the signs I was getting from my body. I could have said, oh, I just needed to change my relationship with it. No, it was, why am I doing this? Why do I continue to put myself in this situation and why am I beating myself into the ground?
And it was because I had a subconscious. Desire to be showing up. To [00:03:00] that level of intensity every single day and literally everything I did because they still felt the need to prove myself. And it was just an adrenaline high. I was constantly on that high of go go, go until I crashed. And I burned. So maybe if you're constantly stressed. Sit and ask yourself, do I even need to be doing this thing? Why am I doing it?
Is it something you have to do?
Now I open. Another thing I do in terms of reframing is like I mentioned earlier, opening my body to the experience rather than fighting it. So this requires us to drop into our bodies. And stop escaping in our heads with thoughts and fears and stories about it. And yada, yada. Oftentimes, it's just a way to distract us from, I feel really uncomfortable right now. So if we can just sit and say, okay, I feel the sensation in my chest. I feel it in my solar plexus, wherever it is.
Usually when I do that, I then start to feel tingles down my arms and my legs. Cause the nervous system is shifting. [00:04:00] So, if we can say in a good way, If I can sit there and just be with it and open my body to it instead of running away with it. One of your Ray from it. Things shift quite quickly.
And I do focus on how it aligns with my goals and my values.
So if this is something that aligns with my goals and my values, let's say I'm stressed about something in my career because I'm doing something new and I haven't done it before I'm learning and I'm up. Um, up on an edge, right? That's growth. And if it's in alignment with my values and what I want for myself. Goals that are in alignment with my values, what I actually want my authentic self. Then I sit there and they say, this is great. This is stress, but this is good stress. Because it's. It's leading me towards what I actually want.
And like I mentioned, at the beginning, it's building resilience and tolerance to this. And I think about this all the time, whenever I'm up on a new edge in my career. Is when I first started posting on Instagram, that was [00:05:00] so edgy for me. I was so nervous. I was so scared. I didn't know how people were going to react to it. You know, coaching was something that was still kind of on the up.
It was back in 2017. And it was completely out of left field. I was only posting to people who followed me personally. No friends and family. So to announce that I was so nervous, you would have thought the world was going to end. And now it's like, I don't give a shit. I can post anything, everything.
And I don't think twice about it. And there are so many instances, I'm sure you can think of and reflect back on when you felt so afraid to do something the first time and every part of your body and your brain was saying, no, no, no, don't do it. Don't do it. And now you think about it and you're like, oh my gosh, I could do that in my sleep.
It's not a big deal at all. So remember that when you're up on something new, of course your nervous system is going to want you to run the other direction. That's what we're wired for. But make sure. Make sure that it actually aligns with your goals and your values. Which [00:06:00] brings me to my second point.
I sit there and I say, okay, is this stress necessary? And, or is it purposeful? Because so often we're just running around like chickens with our head cut off and we have not even given a second thought as to do. I actually need the stress. Or is it something where I'm being a martyr? Am I saying yes to everyone so that I look like the good girl and no one gets upset and here I am digging my own grave so that I look like the one who just has it all together. We don't need that. That's martyr energy, no one benefits from that because you will be resentful towards everybody else because no one is going to recognize that. I promise you. And you are going to feel like shit and you are going to be. Uh, annoyed with yourself because you're realizing that you didn't put any boundaries up.
Ask yourself, does it align with my goals or my values?
Is this moving me in the direction that I want? Or is the stress just something that I've become accustomed to. And I'm really on that hamster wheel of standing in place.
And rather than just saying, taking a [00:07:00] minute saying. I don't actually want to do this anymore. I don't need to, I don't want to, and I'm going to say no, and I might piss people off. Maybe make people uncomfortable. Or maybe that person is the older version of you. The only person who's making you do it as you. So ask yourself, does this align with who I really am and what I really want? Am I trying to people, please.
Am I playing the martyr? Is it necessary? And sometimes we of course have to do things that we don't want to do because that's part of being an adult. If at work, let's say your boss asks you to do something and you're like, okay, this is not actually in alignment with what I want to do. Long-term but maybe it's a stepping stone stone in one direction.
It might not be the thing.
Yes. I really want to do this. When I took my job, my previous corporate job. Before I went full-time in my coaching business. I had a really hard time accepting that job because I felt like I was taking a step back. And what I really wanted was to be an entrepreneur, be doing my own thing, but I had to sit and say, okay, but this is a [00:08:00] stepping stone. On the way. To me being able to do my own thing, because it just gives me a sense of peace and security financially. And can I use this to my advantage?
I was developing skills. At the same time. So it might be a stepping stone for you, but if it's not, if it's something that you've just been doing for years and years and years, People expect you to do it. Ask yourself, do I actually need to do the shit? Do you need better boundaries? This is so important for women because we've been taught. I was just having conversation with some of the guys in my family over the last weekend. That women in society.
What I saw modeled to me was that women handle. Almost everything when it comes to relational things. In families. And I grew up in a traditional household where my dad went to work. My mom stayed home and raised all four kids and my mom handled pretty much everything else, except for the. Going and making the money.
My dad had a lot of pressure in that regard, for sure. So it's not [00:09:00] about who had more responsibility, yada, yada, it's just. Often in society, the responsibilities that a lot of women take on are overlooked. There's no praise. There's no recognition. And rather than bringing that to the forefront and still saying, I get that this is the expectation that has been in society up to this point, but I need some help.
And I'm going to have to tell you now, And that's okay. I would've loved to have seen more of that model to me. And saying I'm not a martyr here. And I did, you know, at certain points in time, but I do see by and large that women have been taught to just lay down and take it. So ask yourself, am I trying to play the good girl?
My frayed of upsetting people, and it might be uncomfortable, but can you set boundaries? Can you ask for help? And then ask yourself, if you do find yourself, overriding your boundaries. Or you're doing things that are not in alignment with you. They're not necessary. Is, there's a reason we do these things.
Sometimes it's just simply familiarity, but oftentimes there's a deeper [00:10:00] wound or need that. We're trying to sooth by engaging in this behavior. Are you hoping for connection? If you keep running around like a chicken with your head cut off. Or validation. Validation was a big one for me. I felt like my productivity. Was linked with my value. With my worth and I still have to catch myself sometimes. Improving.
Oh my gosh. No, I promise I'm doing every something every second. I'm always being productive. Of course, that's going to lead to stress. And remember you're not broken. There's a reason you're doing these. You're not self sabotaging your self protecting, but what are you protecting yourself from? And. Just experiment with, is there a, is that true that I need to do that?
And B, is there another way? That I can get that meet that need met.
Third is pretty simple. Ask for help or say no.
And this can be outsourced in many different ways. Which brings [00:11:00] me to the fourth one. Which is pay for a solution if you're able to. So ask for help. That's free. Right. You can ask someone in your. Familial dynamics, a friend, a partner, a colleague, whatever it is. Can you please help me? I need help. When I started asking that and I felt like I didn't need to take everything on my own.
A I was so shocked that so many people were willing to help me. But it felt like such a breath of fresh air and it felt like a confirmation of my own value from me to me, my own self image and self worth. It improved that. Because I recognize I'm not here to just lay on the train tracks for everybody.
I deserve help to. And in terms of saying no, what I've noticed is the women it's typically women. If I say no to men are like, okay, cool. Because they have no problem saying no, usually. But with a women. We've been taught again to be the martyr. To never say no to please everybody. That the women [00:12:00] who themselves struggled to say no and assert boundaries then feel confronted when another woman does that to them.
So if I say, no, this is my boundary.
I'm not able to go, or I'm going to say, no, this is the time I'm leaving. Or this is the only amount of time I can come. Or I just don't really want to come. Or in business, if I say, you know, these are the boundaries of our time. I can't sit here and coach you in the DMS. I can't give you free advice. Then there's a very different dynamic between women who themselves are comfortable. Uh, starting their own boundaries because they get it and they respect it because they respect their own boundaries. So really lean in and say, is there a time, an opportunity for me to ask for help? Or just straight up say no.
Number four is paying for solution.
If you're able to. This is what I have learned to this has been an edge for me as well, because I still can feel guilty at [00:13:00] times, spending money on myself in ways that are not necessary. Even getting my nails done. That can make me feel a little edgy, which I know can sound ridiculous, but I grew up. In an environment where we had plenty, but there was still a lot of that scarcity mentality of it's going to go away at some point. So there was a lot of frugality, which was beautiful to learn and a lot of ways, and to witness, especially when there were resources available, it taught me to be really responsible with my money, but at the same time, oftentimes anything that goes above and beyond necessity. Can bring feelings of guilt.
And I notice this for a lot of women. Now I sit at night, even just from a practical standpoint and just to logic myself into doing it, I say, okay, but what is the payoff for these things? If I get my groceries delivered. Okay. That gives me. One more hour. To get other things done. And if I get other things done, let's say I just feel more rested. [00:14:00]
If that's the thing that's quote, unquote, done. Great. We need to start seeing value and us feeling good because we show up so much better, so much differently in life when we feel good. So if asking for. Someone to help clean your apartment or your house or paying for now, Amazon has 9 99. Monthly fee to get groceries delivered, unlimited. You bet your ass.
I did that because I feel so much more supported in taking care of when I get them delivered. I don't have to go be around a bunch of people when I don't want to. And deal with parking, yada, yada. And then I get an hour or two hours of my time back. To sit back, take care of myself. And when I thought about it, $10 a month.
Of course you have to tip and stuff. I do. Oh, hell yeah, that's worth it. So start to think of me feeling good. Is worth something. You feeling well, rested is worth a lot. You will show up [00:15:00] so differently. To other areas of your life. There is a massive payoff. To you feeling well and feeling supported and taken care of by others and also by yourself. This is more of that feminine energy. We're not running around. Like overused, mules. That is not the energy that women need to go forward with.
That's we've been there, done that. It doesn't help you. Hiring a coach. My gosh, truly, we don't have to do everything alone. And this is something that I've was an edge for me as well, because I can get in the mentality of, I can do it on my own. I'll just get a course. And I don't need to have support. But for me, when I invest in. Close proximity spaces with coaches, mentors.
There's something that's just so soothing to the soul and to the nervous system of knowing. Oh, my gosh, I don't have to do it all alone. I'm S I have somebody next to me. And even if yes, the education component is the same. Could I do it on my own? Yes. [00:16:00] Just knowing that there's someone there that I can ask for help and ask for support. Is everything.
And I think we forget that as women, that just because you can doesn't mean you have to. In any way when it goes about investing in yourself, obviously I recommend being financially. Responsible because that's going to put yourself in a stressful bind as well. So definitely take that into consideration, but you don't have to do everything alone. You can absolutely ask for help.
And the reason that we want money, most of us certainly me. Is just to simply be able to do more things that are in alignment with myself to feel better, to take care of others and help them feel better. To live a full life. So if you're not spending money on those things and maybe. Really take a look at those finances and see if you're actually spending in alignment with taking true care of yourself. And assess, do I feel guilty? When I spend money on things that are taking care of myself.
And why is that? Why do you feel. Like you are [00:17:00] not worthy. Uh, feeling good. And spending resources in that way. And. Another thing with this. When, if paying for solution or asking for help saying no, is. There might be a change in family or relationship dynamics and just saying I can't do it all. For me in my family, I've always been the one who is the planner.
I'm the one who's showing up thinking for our head, making sure everyone has what they need. Oh, this person can't eat this thing. This person likes this kind of food. This person doesn't like this. I'm on top of it. And I'm always thinking about it or if there's some kind of trip or vacation it's okay.
How can we make sure that everyone is going to get something that they need planning ahead? And I've had to learn that over time. There's been slight resentment that has been built and that's on me fully on me because I say, yes. And no one's going to know, unless I say no. So I've started to just say no, like I have too much on my plate right now.
I can't do that. Does that mean that everything's going to be done the way I want to do it? [00:18:00] It sure. Doesn't and that's the trade-off, but that is okay because taking care of myself and saying I'm not here to control everything and to do everything. Someone else can help me. And I'm just going to say no changing those family dynamics. I say family specifically, because obviously we know those have deeper roots.
Oftentimes can be a little bit of an adjustment for everybody, but I think as long as it said, from a place of respect and honesty, you can't go wrong. And it's, it's so worth it because other people don't want you to feel rundown and resentful either. I think that's one of the best, biggest misconceptions with. Women that we miss and that I missed for very long time up until the last year or so is our energy.
Our feminine energy is one of the most powerful things we have. And when we show up, just run down. Barely surviving. 12 cups of coffee. And we just say yes, and yes, and yes to everybody. [00:19:00] No, one's impressed. That's not an energy that people love to be around and you're not, we're not winning any metals for doing that. If anything, people are like, wow, she seems like she's in a good mood today.
Yeah. Because I've been doing all of your chores, motherfucker. And I said yes to it. So it's my fault. Right. It is my problem. And so it's just a opportunity for you. If you find yourself in that situation. To reflect and say, I'm contributing to this in some way. And how can I start to shift that? And keep in mind. Our magnetism comes from us, feeling radiant, taking really good care of ourselves.
So let that be a beautiful reframe for you. Give yourself permission.
Number five. I stay closely connected to my biofeedback. Some stress is necessary to adapt. People have taken this conversation about cortisol and stress to the other end of the spectrum, to the extreme. And they are going to have [00:20:00] consequences for that because they are going to have zero resilience mentally or physically. Some stress is necessary to adapt.
This is how we build muscle. This is how we build our cardiovascular endurance. Right. We're stressing our heart. In order to develop. But we need to make sure that it's short term so that we can recover. And that's the thing that we often miss is we go too far into locking. Respect for the fact that we need the rest and recovery.
So it's chronic stress. Rather than acute stress. We love acute stress when it's in alignment with what we want.
And sometimes it's unavoidable that it's not going to be in alignment with what we want. Right. That's just life. Life there was this shitty six circumstances sometimes, but when it comes to things that are within your control, Some stress is necessary to adapt and say, is it short term? Am I resting and recovering because that's when we build resilience. Stress we come down, rest recover.
Then we super compensation come back even better, even stronger. So pay attention to your [00:21:00] digestion, your mood, your sleep, your appetite, your menstrual cycle. These will all give you clues. As to, Hey, maybe I need to pump the brakes a little bit and remember it's not all or nothing. It's not like, oh, I can't move my body because I'm in a bad mood today.
Not just means that I need to just sit and watch Netflix all day. It's no, what I'm talking about. It's dialing it back a little bit. And it takes time to understand your boundaries and your limits. They will change over time, depending on the other stressors. Do you have going on in your life? So then you have it as one big pie that you have a stress pie. And you need to be paying attention to every area of your life. Includes nutrition includes your exercise habits, relationships, career. Sleep. Et cetera. And this is also very, very important. To pay attention to during fat loss, because that inherently is going to be a stressor for most people. So if you're not paying attention to your biofeedback and your stress and how you're managing that during fat loss. I would strongly ask you [00:22:00] to reconsider.
We put that very much to the forefront inside of sustainably lean academy.
And number six, so more practical daily practices for you, but remember the practical daily practices without all the previous things, you're likely going to find yourself right back where you started. Because it's, there's a reason you keep finding yourself in this situation. And that deeper reason is what we need to take a look at. So things that I focus on walks without technology outside. Hey, just being with the elements, paying attention to the world around me, paying attention to the trees, paying attention to my dog. Paying attention to sounds, just bringing awareness to the world around me. Nature is so soothing for the nervous system. Time with Coda, my dog, friends, family, without technology.
We co-regulate with people who have regulated nervous systems spending as much time around people like that as possible. And animals can be beautiful for that as well. Lifting weights. If I have a lot of [00:23:00] survival energy or I need to, I feel that need like, oh, I just need to go run sprints or something, or. Run.
I just need to get this out of my system or sometimes I'm like, I wish I had a punching bag right now. Listen to that honor that we're animals. Sometimes we need to frickin punch something. Sometimes we need to lift weights and get that survival energy out. If we have stressful energy, that's been. Mounting on our bodies all day.
We don't want to keep that inside. We need to release it. If you need to jump around your house and shake and dance, great shadow box. If you have to just get that energy out. Which brings me to moving my body every single day. So non-negotiable. It doesn't mean I'm lifting weights and working out every day.
It just means I'm moving. We're designed to move. Too much static energy. To being too sedentary that can signal stress to the nervous system as well.
I take baths with calming music. I put my phone away because [00:24:00] scrolling while in the bath defeats purpose. Limiting my screen time.
If you think about your brain's capacity, similarly to. Any other part of your body, if you were going running a marathon every single day, If your knee started to hurt, you'd be like, well, that makes sense. I'm running a marathon every day. Right. Well, if you think about that in the context of your brain, If you're putting information into it all day long and often negative, stressful information. And stimulus into your brain. Everything's going to happen. Eventually things are going to start to get a little wonky. And our bodies and our brains are beautiful at regulating themselves.
We just have to give them the right input. So give your brain your nervous system and opportunity. To come back into balance, stop putting shit in it all the time. I focus on breathing into my body number, connecting to my body with slower exhales. This will allow us to get into that parasympathetic nervous system response. [00:25:00] I paid attention to my surroundings.
Like I mentioned, I read just for enjoyment. I was a big junkie for personal development and constantly reading books to learn and reading for enjoyment has been so lovely, especially light-hearted books. Reducing stressful or negative media. You have no idea. I mean, I can be watching a show and even just real Housewives.
I had to be like, I can't do that anymore. Because the drama, I noticed that I would have tightness in my chest and my heart would be racing and scary. Movies are intense action movies. And at certain points in time, that's fun. Right. I'll find a dandy, but when it's constant, after a stressful day, So the last thing I need. And more of those romantic parts of life.
So healthy food cooking, dancing in the kitchen. Are you making life feel more playful? This is so, so soothing to so many aspects of us.
So there you have it. Those are the [00:26:00] six ways that I manage stress and probably unconventional and some of not what you were expecting, but. Very helpful and very needed. None. The less this stuff goes deep. My gals. If you were interested, this is last call for sustainably lean academy. The doors close February 2nd.
And this is released just the day before. So if you're listening to this and you're like, shit, it's too late. I missed it. No worries. The doors will be opening again. And I have linked the wait list in the show notes below. So you can jump on that next time. The doors open. In a couple of months and I love you all.
I will see you on next time.