[00:00:00] Welcome back to the Jesse Golden podcast. We, why do I always start it that way? I have no idea. Y the inflection has to be the exact same. Every time, but you know, that's just the way our little brains work. Am I right? So. This one is inspired by. Feedback. I got, when I shared on my stories on Instagram that I had recently gone skiing earlier this week and I tried on pants.
Me and the girls were just lamenting about how. Ski pants. If you're familiar, you don't have any give there's no stretchiness in there. So you instantly know. Okay. Over the last year from, in my case that had been like five years. What has happened? To your body. Right. And. I remember. So these pants were prior to me gaining 30 pounds and I tried them on in 2019.
When. I had gained those 30 pounds and I was like, okay, I need to ones. Cause there's no way these are fitting. And so [00:01:00] many of us had been there and I got quite a few responses from women in my community, sharing the same, something else still sends me into a spiral. So I wanted to talk about what to do when your clothes don't fit or they are too tight. This consent, a lot of women into a spiral used to send me. Into a spiral into a meltdown.
So it's important to address. We're going to go through six steps. First one very important. Number one. You need to feel your emotions about what's coming up. Oftentimes what we do is we feel the sensation of sadness, of frustration, disappointment, maybe even anger. And then that just instantly propels us into thoughts that are in alignment with that.
And then action that we don't actually want to be taking. It's not in alignment with our higher self. How we ultimately want to be showing up. This is one of the reasons it's so important to be feeling our emotions when it comes to emotional eating. Food, whatever it is. And if you're someone who's not familiar with feeling your emotions [00:02:00] start small. You can tell yourself, I'm just going to feel this for 30 seconds and allow myself get your head out of it and really try and drop into your body. I feel the sensations, is it in my chest, kind of talk to yourself as you're feeling it.
Okay. I feel this tightness of my chest. I feel a pit in my stomach and allow it. Don't sit there and force it and say, okay, I'm feeling it go away now. That's not how feeling our emotions works. We have to say, I am a human. And it's okay to feel. It is human to feel. There's no way around it. Absolutely no way to exist on this planet and not have these feelings. So let yourself feel the sensations and do not run. From yourself.
And if you struggle with this, if you shame yourself for feeling these things, Then it can be really helpful to imagine the little girl inside of you younger, you feeling this way, would you be like, oh, just shut up and get on with it. I hope not. Maybe that's the way you were spoken to right in that.
So you, why you avoid feeling your emotions. So really lean into you being really [00:03:00] compassionate and tender and kind. To yourself and, or that little girl inside of you. So this is step one. And most avoid this because a they're just not familiar with feeling their emotions or B the fear that they won't be able to change if they're kind to themselves. There's this misconception in society that the only way to accomplish things is to be critical. And I've certainly, I still catch myself in those tendencies because that's how I was spoken to growing up.
Was. Motivation was done through criticism. The only way to get Jessie to do anything is to criticize her right in that's the way my parents were raised and down we go. That's simply not true. I respond and I knew this from a young age. I just didn't, I couldn't articulate this. I wasn't aware enough, but I respond so much better to kindness and tenderness. And acceptance and wow, let me recognize her humanity and warmth. Then from there, I can actually make [00:04:00] changes, but if someone is coming at me, criticizing me, especially if that's me. It does not create the environment for me to make change.
It creates an environment for shame, for contraction, for shutting down for ignoring my needs. And then if anything, it takes me further away because the actions that come from that place. Are not rooted in respect and compassion and love. So this first step is so important. Feel your emotions, which comes with so much, like I just said, Now the second part is I want you to challenge your beliefs about what this means about you. So might be a. I'm a loser.
I'm worthless. No, one's going to love me. I'm so in attractive, I'll never reach my goals. I'm gross. I suck. Whatever it is. And I want you to practice observing this. We cover this, all of this, really everything I'm covering here in this episode, extensively inside of food, freedom evolution. But a big part of this is witnessing those thoughts. And beliefs without identifying with them. So. [00:05:00] Make sure that you're not fusing with them.
You're viewing them as kind of a story that someone is reading to you. Huh. This means I'm a loser. This means I'm worthless. Is that true? And challenge them. And you might say, yeah, it is true. I am a loser. Is there any universe, and this is a tool that I picked up from Byron Katie. Where she has four questions.
The first one is this true. And then you, usually you say, yes, it's true. Are you absolutely certain that this is true, that you're worthless, that no one will ever love you because you gained. 10 20, 30, however many pounds, 80 pounds. No one in the history of the world has ever been loved because they've gained weight. Does anyone love you right now and accept you right now. Okay, so you start to break this down and your brain starts to say, okay, I guess there's holes in this argument. So that's what we want to do.
We want to poke holes in these beliefs. And remember. Your true self. Worth. So once you challenge these beliefs that opens up the door to [00:06:00] okay. If those things aren't true, then what could be true? Oh, I am simply a human being who gained weight. That's it. Anything you layer on top of that? You're choosing to create a story about it when we break it down, the only thing we know for certain. Is that you gained weight? That's it. And what you choose to make that mean is up to you. And is this easy?
No, but you have to do it. I am so over when people say easier said than done, of course, everything is easier said than done, but that should be irrelevant because we have to do it. So we have to sit here and say, these beliefs are not serving me. They're actually causing me pain. They're not going to help me get to where I want to go.
Despite what my patterning might help me believe, love and compassion and tenderness and warmth. They're going to get me there. So you come back to, okay. I am so much more than my weight. Do I love that I gained weight? Your answer might be no, for me, it was no. I don't love that I gained 30 pounds and that's okay. But I am more than the fact that I [00:07:00] gained weight.
I am more than my body. Those two things are separate and I can hold those two truths at the same time. I don't love the way my body looks. I don't love that these pants are tight and that I gained weight. And. I can sure as fuck show up. As me powerfully, not shrink, not cower, not apologize and not at all.
Let this impact how I treat myself. That is what's important, not how other people are treating you. I want you to focus on how you are treating you. Which brings me to point number three is I want you to then take really good care of yourself. Your first reaction. If your pants are tight, might be, I need to be super strict.
I need to go on a diet. I need to shame myself. No, no, no. We're going to do the opposite. I want you to take really damn good care of yourself. Are you moving your body and not from a place of shame and punishment. Because we need to separate those exercising is good for you. Movement is good for you too much from place with punishment, not so good for you. Are you nourishing yourself?
That means you're not. Again, punishing [00:08:00] yourself with restriction and all these crazy rules. But are you also making sure that you're fueling yourself with nutrition, nutrient dense foods, healthy foods. Are you just snacking on things that are gonna make you feel like crap. Remember you have to respect yourself through your body. You're taking care of yourself through nourishing.
Self-talk giving yourself grace, recognizing your humanity, feeling your emotions. Giving yourself rest and pleasure. Engaging and fulfilling relationships. This is such a big one. Make sure you're surrounding yourself with people who truly see you for who you are. And love you. From a place of deeper connection. Not the superficial shit.
Identify how you've been taking care of yourself and focus on this first.
Maybe you realize, okay. I have not been taking good care of myself, and that could be completely separate from your weight. It could be what has manifested as a result of you not taking care of yourself, but we're not going to focus on, okay. I need to lose weight. We're going to [00:09:00] focus on, I need to take care of myself first and foremost. All this is going to forge that big, beautiful rock in the center of you is beaming.
I want you to view that as we're building back the diamond, we're scuffing off all of the dirt, all of the shit on top of the diamond. That is you. That is your core. Your self-worth. That's what we need to Polish up first. Then from there, you're magnetic. You magnify. That's where your beautiful energy comes from and everything flows from there, but we need to Polish and get that. Crystal diamond. Solidified first.
Then number four, I want you to wear clothes that fit your current body. And I know there can be financial considerations here. Absolutely. Wear leggings. That are stretchy. Go find some at a discount store. You know, there are so many options that we have here and I can't cover every single situation here.
And I know it's not ideal. But most women in my audience can go get a pair of pants. [00:10:00] That are discounted that are on sale that fit their current body.
Do not try to force yourself. To fit in the clothes that don't fit you. No one feels confident in that. No one feels confident. It would be the same thing as me. I haven't, my weight has been stable for a long time now, but what if I went to a store and I just tried on, I insisted that I should be a size smaller than I am. Why the hell would I ever do that? Just go walk around wearing a pair of pants that are too small for me, that would be insane.
Right. But we do that when we gain weight, it's the same concept. Just wear clothes that fit your body. I promise you your confidence will sky rocket. No one gives one. Fuck. What the number on the inside of your clothing says not one.
Number five. If you feel called. Again, if you feel called. Consider what led to your weight gain from a detached and clinical perspective. And you may need months. You may need weeks to get to this place.
[00:11:00]
For, let's say, for example, you realize that you've gained weight and you've been working on your relationship with food.
I would not visit this question until you've done a lot of the deeper work. So if you're inside of food, freedom, evolution, for example, you've done all this deeper work that we just went through previously, a lot more extensively. You might want to take three to six months before you even look at this question. But if you feel like you can look at it from a clinical perspective and not get emotional about it, then absolutely. Take a look at it. So, again, this is from a detached more clinical perspective.
We're just looking at things objectively. Only do this. If you could look at it from a matter of fact way. Were you living out important, other important life values, and this led to you gaining weight, maybe you were traveling, maybe you were just having a good fucking time, and this is what happened. Then celebrate it. You made that decision own it. That is fine.
It is so fine. Maybe you were working on your relationship with food. You ended up eating more. That was part of your healing process. And your pants [00:12:00] don't fit. That's so fucking awesome. It's not forever, maybe forever. It doesn't have to be, but either way you chose another more important life value.
That is okay. Maybe. You were not taking. Care of yourself. In some way. Maybe you were being too sedentary for what is good for you? Maybe you completely checked out. You started numbing. You started just coping in ways that are not actually nourishing to you. And this is a sign that just says, Hey. I mean, we to focus on some nourishing meals, some sleep. Moving my body more managing my stress just general self-care practices. Maybe you were taking better care of yourself in some way.
And weight gain was a manifestation of that. We need to separate that weight gain always means bad. It doesn't. So get clinical about it. And it's hard to do when you're in the middle of an emotional spiral. So this is why you need to answer these questions. Later if you're in the thick of emotions, I don't not want you doing this practice.
[00:13:00]
And then number six is remember that this is a moment in time.
It can be a season for some women. This is your new size. Right. If I compare, let's say I've been one to two sizes smaller, which I have in the past. I have no interest in being that again. That's just, that's my past. It's not coming back. And so to lament on that is ridiculous. And at the same time when I was 30 pounds heavier, I knew that was not my forever. So I just said, this is a season. And this will look different for each woman.
So I can't say what it is for you. This is something for you to decide and to assess. Realistically, if I have to do X, Y, Z in order to maintain this weight, maybe that's not the weight for me. Or you might say, no, I know that this is just a season and I will lose the weight, whatever it is. If this is applicable, except that either a, this is forever and I own it because this is what aligns with my values. And my priorities. And that's a beautiful thing because living out your own values [00:14:00] and priorities is more important than looking a certain way.
Right. Then maintaining a smaller body. Just doesn't make sense.
Or if you know, okay, this body is just temporary. Except that it's a season. It's just a blip in time. This is the most powerful frame I had when I was sitting 30 pounds heavier and it was for over a year and a half. I sat at that higher weight. And I just said, this is just where I am right now. It's not forever, but I'm not going to sit here and make my time at this heavier weight miserable.
What is the point? It's not going to change anything. I needed to stay at the higher weight for health reasons while my nervous system and my chronic health issues figure themselves out. And that was it. And releasing that sense of control and that trust and focusing on your self worth in other areas. Is going to provide so much relief for you. I promise you. So if your pants or your whatever clothing. Being [00:15:00] tight, not fitting sends you into a spiral.
This is a really good indication that you need to work on your self image and your body image and your self-worth. Where your self worth is coming from. Because there's a big, big difference. Between a preference. And an emotional spiral. Do I love that my pants are tighter. No. Okay. That's a pretty pragmatic detached perspective.
Okay. But it doesn't send you into any emotional turmoil. Whereas if you lose your shit. And you're just obsessing and thinking about it nonstop. We need to pay attention to that. Don't ignore that lean into it and say, okay, there's some work for me to do here. Let's dig in. Feel my emotions. Question, those beliefs start taking really good care of myself. This is the work, because I don't want you guys to just be at the, be a victim. Of your body fluctuating for the rest of your life?
I don't want any victims. In my community. I'm so sick of women feeling like [00:16:00] victims, where they're just playing defense forever. I want you to feel so solid, play offense, get solid with that diamond in the center of you, your core. That is what I want you guys to be focusing on so that you are not just being jock, jockeyed around, jerked around for the rest of your life. When things don't go your way with your body. That sounds like how, and I've been there.
I've lived in hell. I spent a lot of time there where I was just constantly worried about my body changing because I knew that my sense of self was going to plummet. If I gained weight. If my body changed, that is no fucking way to live. No way to live. So let's shift your desire away from focusing on your body to, I want to be empowered regardless of the way my body looks.
That is true power. That is where it comes from. Okay. So, if you feel called to dive into this work deeper food freedom evolution is 100%. The course for you that is linked in the show notes below. If you have any questions about this, or just want to shoot the shit about [00:17:00] this topic or anything in general. Send me a DM over on Instagram. I love to chat with you guys over there and I will see you in the next episode.