118. 5 Tips For Accepting Your Body Before Weight Loss

In this podcast, I'm sharing five tips for learning to love and accept yourself AND your body right now, even if you want to change it. This process can be life-changing if you really lean in❤️

____________________________________________________________

DIGITAL RESOURCES!⤵️

FREE training: 4 Steps to Stop Obsessing About Food: https://bit.ly/FFEmasterclass

$11 TRAINING: How I stopped my non-stop Overeating (while keeping my favorite foods in the house): https://jessiegolden.thrivecart.com/overeating-training/ 

$27 TRAINING: Maintenance Masterclass: learn whether or not you're really under-eating & how to prepare your metabolism for sustainable fat loss! https://jessiegolden.thrivecart.com/maintenance-masterclass/ 

COURSES:

Food Freedom Evolution: finally get off the yo-yo dieting & food obsession hamster wheel. https://bit.ly/ffeYT 

Sustainably Lean Academy: get lean while keeping your sanity (+ love of food!) and KEEP IT OFF - no tracking required! https://bit.ly/SLAcourseYT 

____________________________________________________________

Come connect with me!

- INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/jessiemgolden

Transcript

[00:00:00] Welcome back. We have a very juicy one for you today. An extremely important one. Five tips for accepting your current body before trying to lose weight.

I want you to love and respect yourself regardless of the way that you look. Do we live in a society where our appearance, our looks, our physiques are important to some degree? Yes, that is not beyond me. I understand that that is how we might judge one another. It might open up different opportunities.

There are certain privileges awarded to certain people who look a certain way. Of course, I understand that the point of today's video is about how you are relating to your Self. And it's extremely, extremely important if you don't just want to have this hanging over your head. Let's say you do eventually achieve the physique that you want, you'll always have in the back of your mind.

Yeah. But what happens if I lose it? What happens if I gain weight? Maybe you fall pregnant and afterwards you then completely fall apart because your entire sense of self is dependent upon the way that you look. It's dependent upon controlling your [00:01:00] body, 

It's dependent upon your physique, looking a certain way.

Maybe you fall ill, as was the case with me that led to me gaining 30 pounds in six months. Maybe you have an injury. Maybe there's just a ton of life stress. Anything can happen that can lead to our bodies changing. And if we don't do the inner work. required to make sure that we are stable. Our sense of self is stable.

Our sense of self respect is stable, regardless of what our bodies look like. Life is going to be a struggle and it will be anxiety ridden. So let's get into the five tips.

Number one is unconditional self respect. And this is not to be confused with attraction. It's not to be confused with your preferences for how you might want to look or saying, well, someone might be attracted to me. If I look a certain way, this is about self respect. So I want you to think about if you were in a relationship with somebody and you gained 20, 30 pounds again, as was the case with me and you gave them 30 pounds and they look at you and they say, you're disgusting.

I hate the way that you look. You don't deserve to show up in the world. You should just hide away. You should [00:02:00] not go out and socialize. You should hide in the corner and not be your full self. You shouldn't pursue any of your goals in the world. You shouldn't go swimming because you don't deserve to be seen on the beach.

That would be abusive. Yet that is what so many women are doing to themselves. They gain weight 

or are in a current body that does not align with their own preferences or maybe the preferences of society. Often those two things are somewhat similar and they just berate themselves, abusing themselves.

That is not self respecting.

Now we can also look at this outside of appearance. Let's say there's a man in your life. Men are often judged based on success, financial resources. And let's say a man decides to pursue his passions that will lead to less money or he loses his job or his financial resources. Just dry it up for some reason.

Would you sit there and look at your partner, assuming you have a man in your life or let's say any man in your life, father, brother, son, what have you, and say, you're a piece of, you know what? Because you are no [00:03:00] longer making that much money. I don't want anything to do with you. I don't respect you. You should hide away.

Right. We, as women are often judged by our appearance, our bodies, men, of course, are judged by their appearance as well, but more so their financial resources, their level of success. And if we just say, we only respect you and you should only respect yourself. If you are meeting those criteria, that would be absolutely heart wrenching.

And I assume that you would not want that for anyone in your life, man, woman, boy, girl, whomever. However, 

that is not respectful. That is not unconditional. Respect, which is closely tied to unconditional love.

There's a misconception that that true sense of security and confidence comes from your body looking a certain way, but it actually comes from knowing that you will love and accept and respect yourself regardless of the way you look. I want that to sink in. That sense of confidence and security and inner peace that you are looking for is not going to come from changing your body.

It is going to come from knowing that you love, accept and respect yourself regardless of the [00:04:00] way you look. And if you don't do this inner work, then you will always have in the back of your mind. I am just five, 10, 15, 20, whatever pounds away. From completely rejecting myself, and that is very destabilizing.

You also just deserve a lot better than that. There's nothing more powerful than knowing you have your own back. You respect yourself, you treat yourself with love, compassion, kindness, all of the things, regardless of the way that you look. 

In the same way, you would want the same for a man in your life, your son, your nephew, whatever that looks like based on their financial success, career success in the world. You would never want that for them. You would never want your daughter or a young girl in your life to say, and to think, Hey, you're only going to be loved.

And I only want you to love you. If you look a certain way. Absolutely not. And this is really important to differentiate between preferences. It's okay to have preferences, but, and we'll get to this later on in the video, preferences are different from, I only respect and accept myself. I only love myself as a whole human [00:05:00] being when I look a certain way.

So number one is we're focusing on self respect, respecting yourself as a whole person, regardless of the way that you look and this shows up in the way you treat yourself. Kindness, compassion, maybe boundaries, discipline. We'll get to this later on.

Now let's get into respect in action versus your preferences. When you respect another human being in your life, take a second, think of someone you have deep respect for. You're probably kind towards them. You're compassionate. You respect their boundaries. You want them to take really good care of themselves, right?

You treat them like a whole human being. You allow them to make mistakes. You understand that they are not just an object. For you to desire. They're not an object that is here for you to perform for them, right? You treat them like a whole human being who has a mind, a body, a heart, life ambitions, and you want them to love and respect themselves as well in the same way that you see them.

And I want you to start viewing yourself in the same way. We are all in relationship with ourselves. It's just that most [00:06:00] people have never considered that fact. They've never sat down and thought, I need to treat myself like someone I love, someone I respect. And this does not mean that it's just Twinkies and ho hos and bubble baths, quite the opposite usually.

It is taking really good care of yourself via nutritious foods, going to bed on time, some discipline. Right. I don't want to move my body, but that's the best thing for me. So I'm going to move my body. I don't love lifting weights all the time, but when I'm sitting on the couch saying, I don't want to go work out, I go through how important it is for my body to experience exercise specifically weightlifting for my longterm health.

And that gets me out the door because I am in charge of taking care of myself, respecting myself.

Now, aside from just general caretaking, this also shows up self respect and how you show up in the world. Are you dressing the way that you want to dress? Are you feeling like, oh, I have to hide away because I don't look like the girls in magazines or I don't look like I did 20 years ago or [00:07:00] just simply how you want to look.

I get it. 

There's nothing wrong with wanting to look a certain way. When I gained 30 pounds in 2019, gained this in six months due to some chronic health issues that led to me eating more, moving less, I didn't recognize myself in the mirror and I didn't love the way that I looked. That's okay to say, but I did love myself and respect myself as a whole human being.

I did not punish myself at all. I showed up in the world in the exact same way that I did. 30 pounds lighter. I ate well, I ate enough food. I didn't restrict and punish myself and say, Oh my God, I need to panic and control. In fact, I sat at that higher weight for a good year and a half before my body, my mind, my nervous system were ready for weight loss.

And because I was so respectful of myself, I was able to approach weight loss with a sense of fun and detachment. And this isn't life or death. This is simply me engaging in something that is a preference. It is not a need and did it have some impacts on my health? Yes, and I understand that sometimes weight loss is [00:08:00] correlated, closely tied directly to health and that is okay.

We can still approach that conversation and that situation with a sense of detachment and I'm taking care of myself. If you're doing it for health reasons, I'm doing this to take care of myself, but in no way, shape or form, am I going to disrespect myself and lessen myself as a human being saying that I don't deserve good things, respect, love, compassion, kindness, because I look a certain way.

And the more you can respect yourself as a whole person in your current body, then you will bring that into your future weight loss attempts. And I promise you it changes your life. The game. You will be able to actually be successful with long term sustainable fat loss. If you focus on respecting and accepting your body now.

Tip number three is developing a secure attachment to your body and to weight loss. So if you're familiar with attachment styles when it comes to romantic relationships or really any types of relationships, there's avoidance, there is [00:09:00] anxious and they're secure and some variations between those. But typically what we see with women is this anxious attachment to weight loss.

And if you think of this in the context of relationships. Anxious attachments come from, I'm not okay unless I have another person, unless I have you. So what kind of behavior does this typically lead to? Leads to a lot of neediness, clinginess, desperation, violating the other person's boundaries because the only thing that matters is you getting your needs met, right?

So bulldozing and eventually. If you look back on that behavior and I've been there, you think, Oh my gosh, I lost a little bit of my self respect during that experience because you weren't focused on taking care of yourself. You were focused on getting a life or death need met. And I know that that can truly feel like that's how it is.

So we want to focus on becoming more secure when it comes to weight loss. If we were to think, okay, I have an anxious attachment, You're willing to do anything, violate your own boundaries, cross any lines, damage your mental health, your physical health, doesn't matter [00:10:00] about what's best for you in the future.

All that matters is that you get your desperate needs met right now. So instead, when we focus on secure attachment, what I want you to do is say, how would a woman who is actually secure in her body show up? How would she show up in the world? How would she treat herself when it comes to food and exercise would now even be a good time for her to be pursuing weight loss, or would she focus on just maintenance, general health, maybe her nervous system health, preparing herself for future fat loss by working on her relationship with food?

What would a woman with deep self respect and a secure attachment to her place in the world with her body, with her appearance, how would she act and start showing up that way? And it will feel foreign. in the beginning. It is a muscle that you are going to flex to show your brain that it is not life or death and that you are actually going to be okay in the world showing up as you are today.

Tip number four is personal development. Develop yourself as a person. What are your values? Are you living those out in the world? You say you value adventure and intelligence and [00:11:00] curiosity, kindness, compassion, honesty, integrity. Are you actually living those things out? Are you pursuing any goals? What are your hobbies?

What do you even enjoy? Do you know any of these things about yourself? Of course, if you don't have a stable sense of self outside of your appearance, you are going to have that anxious attachment to your body, to your appearance. If that is the only thing you believe that you contribute to the world, of course, you're going to put a lot of focus on it.

Of course, it is going to feel like life or death. But if you instead start to develop yourself as a human being outside of your appearance, outside of your body, your physique, maybe even your performance in the gym, or how well you adhere to a diet, Instead, become a well rounded human being who aligns with your personal values.

Then your sense of true confidence and inner security will grow massively. So start to ponder what are my values? What do I think is important in other human beings? Am I actually fulfilling those within myself? Am I gossiping too much? Am I showing up in ways that I'm actually proud of? I say I want to learn a new language.

[00:12:00] Am I doing that? Focus on becoming a woman you are actually deeply proud of on the inside 

and that will take so much of the pressure off of your appearance.

Bonus tip here that was super helpful for me. Stop staring at yourself in the mirror. This doesn't mean avoiding the mirror because oh my gosh I'm so disgusted by myself. Look at yourself as a whole human being. I am a body, not nitpicking each little part of yourself. Oh my gosh, I have a roll here and a stretch mark here and cellulite here.

Quick glance. 

I'm a whole human being. And then check your makeup to your hair, your outfit, whatever you need to do, and then move on with your day because there are far more important things about you than the way you look.

Tip number five is to show up fully as you are right now. If I want you to consider, what are you hoping to gain by losing weight? And it might be okay, more attention from others. If I get leaner, then people are going to give me more attention. Okay. What happens when you get more attention? What are you going to do then?

Well, then I'll feel more confident pursuing the things that I want to pursue. Okay. What might that be? I [00:13:00] would start a business. I would show up on camera. I would go ask this person out. I would start dressing the way that I want to dress. I would go travel more. I would move to this new city, whatever that is.

You can start doing those things right now. It is a complete lie of the mind that you have to wait until all of these ducks are in a row before you can show up. It is actually a form of self protection. And I get it. Our brains do that, right? They want to protect us from failure, but that is delaying you showing up fully authentically as yourself right now.

Does this feel scary when you start to do this 100 percent that's what life is. Unless you want to stay in your neat little box and have everything perfectly curated for you and never take a risk. Good luck experiencing fulfilling life that way. You have to start pushing yourself and this is where true fulfillment.

We'll come from start wearing the clothes you want to wear right now in your current body If you think I dressed differently when I gained 30 pounds, you would be mistaken I showed up in the exact same clothes a couple sizes [00:14:00] bigger. I still went to the pool. I still put on a swimsuit I still was very social.

I did not apologize for who I was in any way shape or form. I Showed up the same way in my business on camera. I did not hide I walked around acting like I'm a woman Who can get what she wants regardless of the way that I look and guess what my reality reflected that back at me Start to show up as your full true self regardless of the way that you look and again This will reinforce the belief and the reality That you are loved and respected regardless of the way that you look and that is where that true confidence and inner security and peace comes from

In summary, learn to treat yourself as a person you love and respect. Treat yourself as a whole human being.

Start practicing respect and action. What would a woman who respects herself do? How would she act and show up that way? Focus on developing your character. Focus on developing yourself as a human being. Learn what you enjoy, what you don't enjoy your hobbies, your interests, your values, and start living those things out and start [00:15:00] living those things out right now.

You do not have to wait until society grants you permission slip to go out and do the things, which by the way, that permission slip is never coming. Even if you lose weight, no one's going to care. You're going to have to grant yourself that permission slip right now and show up with that sense of confidence and security.

at this very moment. And the beautiful thing is, is that once you actually do this work, then you're able to approach fat loss. If you even decide you still want it from a sense of detachment and fun and playfulness. And when you bring that energy to weight loss, without all the pressure and the desperation, you're actually a lot more successful.

You'll be taking the time to learn how things are done. You'll be respecting your relationship with food, your physical health. Mental health along the entire journey and those things are absolutely required for long term sustainable fat loss anyway. So it's a win win. You get better results in the future, which ironically, you're going to be way less attached to.

And you actually get to feel like the powerful, confident woman that you were trying to be by losing weight the first place.

If this type of work is [00:16:00] interesting to you and you feel like you need to further this development, I do have a full blown course on this topic, food, freedom, evolution. You can find the details below. If overeating is something you specifically struggle with, I do touch on a lot of this work in the overeating training, which is just 11.

And you can also find that linked in the notes below. I'll see you in the next one.