128. Stop saying this if you want to level up

In this podcast, I'm sharing four common elements/habits/ways of thinking of women who get what they want in life, including my pet peeve saying I hear really often that usually tells me someone WON'T get what they want in life. I'm sharing what I would tell my younger self ❤️ Let me know what landed most for you in the comments!

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FREE training: 4 Steps to Stop Obsessing About Food: https://bit.ly/FFEmasterclass

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Transcript

[00:00:00] welcome back to my YouTube channel. Guys. Today we are discussing a very important topic, and of course, if you are just listening on the podcast, you want a more visual representation. See my face? We can have a chat face to face. Come on over to my YouTube channel. But. Today's topic is born from a saying, and I'll share with this at the very end, what the exact saying is.

So make sure you stick around. But this saying that is so pervasive and anytime we're talking about change. Oftentimes this is what people respond with. And after working with hundreds of women on their relationships with food weight loss long term, and then also, I'm so invested and interested in women's success stories specifically.

Obviously I can leverage men as well, but women who are successful in their careers, who have the kinds of relationships that I want. Who are succeeding in ways that they want to be succeeding. It doesn't matter what society wants for them, it's their dream for themselves. The ones who are achieving that long-term while also taking good care of themselves.

They're are clues. We can [00:01:00] see common threads. So we're gonna discuss four of those here today.

The first thing that all of these women have in common is they have a vision for what they want. This doesn't mean that they are completely sold on life has to turn out this way. It's just they want something more for themselves. As compared to where they are currently and what more means, quote unquote, will look different for every single woman.

So it's not about comparing to everyone around you or to what you think you should want. It's truly what feels in alignment with you, with your values, with your soul, whatever resonates with you. But what they don't do is take the beliefs and the stories and the dreams and the visions of the people around them.

And this is super common, right? You see this in come up stories where someone was born into a situation where everyone just stays the same generation after generation. Maybe they have unhealthy eating habits or they're kept at a certain level of income, or their job is the same. Their relationship patterns continue to repeat.

And to be very clear, I am not saying that there are not outside [00:02:00] circumstances that some people have that others don't, et cetera. Everyone starts at different places and their circumstances are different. So I'm not negating that in any way, shape, or form. However, it is so easy to absorb the stories, the beliefs, the limiting beliefs, right?

Of the people around us. People who say that's not possible. They ignore the naysayers. The people who call them dreamers and they say, no, I will go create a different reality for myself. They have a vision of something else. Is possible for me, and I believe that everyone has that nagging feeling. If they're living a life that is not in alignment with them of their true potential.

They have that nagging feeling. They just try and stuff it down, quiet it down. But the key, you have to, you have to nurture that little seed within you. That dreamer part of yourself that says something else is there. If in fact you do feel that way, if you don't feel that way, then congratulations. That's amazing.

But. If you do feel that nagging feeling, I have felt it so many times. Follow that vision and you might not know what it is. I often have no damn clue what it is, but it's just one [00:03:00] step in front of the other in a new direction. And the minute someone else comes in and tries to tell you that's not possible, that's when you like these women come in and say, no, I get to decide what is possible for me.

Your vision supersedes the visions of those around you, of your social circle, your family, your friends, even your partners. You get to decide what is possible.

The second common thread with these women who get what they want out of life, whether that's relationships, career, income levels, their health physique, whatever it is, the relationship with food is, they don't wait for others to give them permission. You have to give yourself the permission slip. Other people will be projecting onto us all day every day.

They think it's not possible for them. Therefore, it's not possible for you. They're gonna sit here and say, well, who are you to do that? You're nothing special. Especially if they have never done anything outside of their comfort zone themselves before that projection can come in and it can feel pretty nasty because it is so auditing.

Your social circle is highly recommended, but you cannot wait for someone else [00:04:00] to tell you. Now I give you the gold star, the ribbon. Here you go. You can go chase your dreams. You will be waiting for the rest of your life. Every single person that I've ever met who's successful in whatever RAM it is, they moved before anyone else around them thought it was possible.

In fact, they were often met with everyone around them telling them, you can't do that. That's not possible. Or just be happy with what you have. And yes, having gratitude for where you're at right now while you are moving towards what you want, highly recommended. And you have to grant yourself the permission slip.

And if you have somebody in your life, if you are one of the lucky few who sees the possibility in you and what you are capable of, even more so than you do at times, hold onto that person for dear life. Many, many people are not that fortunate. I've had people in my life who have been in my corner since day one with certainly with my career, but when it came to my relationship with food, that was all on me.

I had to give myself permission when I was surrounded. All I saw were women struggling with their relationships with food, and I said, this ends with me. Not today. This will no [00:05:00] longer be my story. I gave myself permission. We're getting a little funky with the lighting in here, but you'll also see this when it comes to weight loss oftentimes with women, where people will come in and say, you can't do that.

Who are you to do that? Everyone in the family's been like this. This is just the way it is. This is your lot in life. You have to give yourself the permission slip to carve a new future for yourself. No one is gonna come hand you that, so you have to be responsible. Take that responsibility, 

But also it's so exciting at the same time, is it scary? Yes. Does it come with a load of responsibility? Yes. But the minute you start to realize I am capable of creating the future that I want, everything changes. The third common thread of women who get what they want in life is they know that it is them versus them. They focus on what they can control. Are there things outside of us that might be impeding our ability to move, to do things to level up? Yes. We all start from different circumstances, right? But what we can control this.

Upstairs, our mind, our brain, how we're relating to our thoughts? Are we just taking every junk thought that comes into our brains limiting [00:06:00] thought, negative thought and saying, okay, I believe you. Are we auditing our beliefs about the world, about ourselves, about what we're capable of? Are we taking action in alignment even when we're uncomfortable?

It is our insecurities, our projections, it is our beliefs, our own stories that keep us stuck in our current situation. But if you can see that it is just a game of you versus you, you versus your programming, all the stories you've inherited from your family, from your friends, society, your partner, about what is possible.

a big one for me was you're left-brained. I think it was left-brained. The one that's good with numbers, whatever say that is. I was good at math, so my whole life, everyone said I wasn't creative, that I didn't have those attributes. Guess what? My whole career now is being creative in a lot of ways, and I thrive in it.

That is so true to me. But if I hadn't audited that and said, well, that's their story, or you can only make this amount of money, you can never leave a corporate job. Everyone told me when I was starting this business, not everyone, but a lot of people said, well, yeah, everyone wants to work for themselves and do something like that, but that's not realistic.

And I just tucked that away and said, Hmm, that's great. That's your story and I hope you enjoy that [00:07:00] reality, but that will not be my reality. And I had to constantly, and I still do this as a daily thing, where I'm constantly auditing the stories and the thoughts and the beliefs that are inside my head.

When I start to feel insecure or afraid, ooh, that's an edge. Okay, this means I'm growing. I'm feeling resistance there. That's not a bad thing, but I'm gonna have to work with it. If the moment I felt any fear or resistance or discomfort, I said, Ugh, fine. Like, it's just not meant for me. I would not have anything that I have today.

I would not have my relationship with food. I would not have lost the 30 pounds and keep it off easily. I would not have built my career, my own business where I can work for myself, my relationships that I have, I would not have, I wouldn't have moved so many times, traveled across the world and moved to New York City.

I would not have done so many amazing things if the minute a fear-based thought, an uncomfortable emotion. An insecurity, any type of anxious feeling popped into my brain or body. If that was all it took to throw me off course, I would be standing exactly where I was born and not an [00:08:00] inch further. So just understand that that is so normal and it is a game of you v you.

You have to be auditing your brain and deciding who you're gonna be. Because if you're letting your brain tell you, which is just fear and stories from other people, primarily it's just junk in your head that's trying so hard to keep you safe. And thank you so much brain, body, nervous system for trying to keep me safe and you wanna be able to work with that, but then understand it's not reality.

And this is a game, like I said, every single day, multiple times a day. I'm constantly having to audit and work with myself. And I phrased it, it's them versus them. These women know that, but it's really them with themselves because these are protective mechanisms They're coming up against, right, trying to keep us safe.

It is us with ourselves, working with ourselves, those parts of us that are afraid, but it's not about the outside world. Yes, there are different things that we all have to deal with, but focus on what is in your control, and that is how you relate to everything going on inside of your brain and your body.

And the fourth thing that these women [00:09:00] who achieve their dreams and go after what they want, what they have in common is they don't expect things to feel easy. And this is where my least favorite phrase comes in. Easier said than done. This irks me so badly because I just want, and trust me, I've been the girl who says this, I have said this before, all it does is give me a permission slip to stand exactly where I am.

And is it nice to validate that things feel hard or uncomfortable? Absolutely. That feels nice and it's necessary, right, to just acknowledge I'm a human. This sucks. This feels uncomfortable. I don't wanna do it. I'm experiencing resistance. I have a lot of negative beliefs about this. I'm insecure. I feel afraid.

Wonderful. We can acknowledge those things without saying, well, easier said than done with that victim me mentality, right? Of course, things are easier said than done. It. You think the human experience is just about saying, okay, I wanna make a million dollars and a million dollars isn't here, therefore I'm just gonna go pout in the corner.

No. If you want your relationship with food, you're gonna have to work at it. If you want to have a leaner body that you have forever, you're gonna have to [00:10:00] learn some stuff, gonna have to work at it. You're gonna have to overcome yourself, like we discussed previously. You're going to have to do things when you don't feel like doing them.

When it comes to my career, I posted on social media nearly every single day for two years in the beginning, and I made no money. I showed up every single day. No one was, I mean, I had some people clapping for me for sure, but my audience was so small, I think they were just clapping for me. 'cause they were like, oh, this is cute.

Let's see what she does. But I showed up every single day with my relationship with food. There wasn't any of this intuitive eating stuff back in 2011. I showed up every single day and said, this is hard because I've been doing it this way for 10 years with my tumultuous relationship with food. That's all I know at this point.

Of course, there was my, my life prior to the chaotic dieting, but I didn't remember that I had to carve my own path and say, this is hard. My brain wants me to keep going. Back to the way things were. I don't wanna feel my emotions. I wanna keep overeating, but I also have that vision for myself at the same time, and I need to accept that this is gonna feel uncomfortable.

When it came to losing 30 pounds, I had to learn [00:11:00] the science. I was honestly the hardest part. It's just learning how my body worked because I refused to just stand in the same cycle and say either A, I'm gonna remain 30 pounds heavier for the rest of my life. That's not what I wanted. Or B, I'm gonna have to do it in a way where I'm gonna gain it all back or ruin my relationship with food, or have to track and weigh and measure everything, which I didn't wanna do.

So I said, okay, well I'm gonna have to learn some stuff, learn how my body works, and then I'm gonna have to come up with a solution. A strategy that feels really good to me. And throughout the process, did I have to practice discipline? Yes. I had to say no to some things. Was I miserable? No. And this is where I wanna be very clear.

There's nuance here. There can be a time when I fell into this bucket where suffering I, I wore suffering like a badge of honor. This is when I was doing a ton of CrossFit and I was working my nine to five. Then I was building this business on the side and everything was about hustle and forcing and rigidity and control, and a lot of my self-esteem came from that, of being the girl, the woman who could grit it out more than anybody.

I have grit. That has always been the thing that I could rely on because I was never naturally good at [00:12:00] anything. I had to work hard in school. I had to work hard in athletics, my gosh, at athletics in sports. I struggled with my weight for a very long time. I've had to work at everything in my life. And so I developed that sense of, okay, well this is my redeeming qualities.

I can out suffer people and we don't wanna go that far, right? Because then we lose the joy in life. We lose our sense of pleasure, of femininity, and I mean femininity, not in a stereotypical way, but just that more creative, beautiful essence that all human beings have. If we're too much in the sterile force.

And hustle and structure and rigidity. That suffocates life, creativity, that feminine essence is that is what life is. That's where life comes from. The beauty, the expression, the art, the flow, the softness. That is the beautiful part of life. And we want to combine these two. So we need to have that practice of discipline of easier said than done.

Yes, let's all accept everything's easier said than done. Now we can get that outta the way. We need to practice discipline. We need to have that cornerstone of I'm gonna do things even when I [00:13:00] don't feel like doing them. And we're gonna romanticize the process. We're gonna bring joy into the process as much as possible.

Can we make the process as pleasurable, as possible? That's why when I talk about weight loss, romanticizing the process. Put on a cute outfit. Make your mocktail something special. Put your coffee in a really nice mug. Do things that make you feel like you are bringing that joy and that pleasure back into life, but don't get that twisted with everything needs to feel easy and pleasurable and joyful all the time.

Otherwise, I just can't be bothered. I can't do it, and it should just fall into my lap. No, we need both. We need to have that softer essence and we need that discipline and that structure. Taking care of ourselves requires doing things that we don't wanna do. Chasing our dreams requires doing things that we do not feel like doing.

Motivation, yes, if it's a chronic thing where you are just dreading doing something every single day, then we need to pay attention to that because likely the strategy needs to be tweaked or you're chasing something that you don't really want, so that's something you pay attention to. But if you have a hard time going to the gym 50% of the time.

So do the rest of us. [00:14:00] Do I always wanna be eating vegetables and eating my protein and going to bed on time and flossing my teeth? No. But I do those things because it's a requirement of taking care of myself and of moving my life in the direction that I want to. So just, let's just delete from our brains the saying, easier said than done.

That is a given. And now we can move forward deciding what is our future? Focusing on our relationships with our minds, our beliefs. It's us versus us. We give ourselves permission and we have that beautiful combination of that structure, of that discipline and the romanticizing and the flow, and the joy and the pleasure, and that is where our dreams are born.

I hope this is helpful for you guys. I love this topic so much. I'm very passionate about it. If you cannot tell if you are interested in any resources when it comes to your relationship with food, healthy habits, weight loss. Maintaining your results. Go ahead and check those resources out there, both free and paid options in the notes below, and I will see you in the next episode.