129. 10 step blueprint to stop obsessing about food & your body

In this podcast, I'm sharing your 10 step blueprint to stop obsessing about food and your body. There is a huge, big life out there for you to live, and you simply cannot get the most out of it if you're stuck obsessing about these things. These are not your usual surface-level tips, like "walk your dog to distract yourself," and that's exactly why they lead to DEEP transformation.

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FREE training: 4 Steps to Stop Obsessing About Food: https://bit.ly/FFEmasterclass

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COURSES:

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Transcript

[00:00:00] Welcome back to my YouTube channel, guys, or the podcast, if that is where you are listening. We are talking about food and body obsession today. 10 steps to get yourself out of the rut, which consumed my life for about nine years. That is food and body obsession, so let's jump straight into 

Now, what does this even mean? Firstly, to be obsessed with food in your body. For me, that started with my first diet. When I was 16 years old, I was told that I needed to eat fewer carbohydrates. It was the Atkins era, so I was constantly thinking about. Carbohydrates. I was thinking about all the foods that I could eat, that I could eat, and then I developed this identity that I'm an abstainer, that I am a sugar addict because anytime that I would let myself have those things, then I would go overboard.

so this reinforced this belief that I have a problem with those foods. That those foods are a problem. The both of us are the problem, right? I didn't trust food. I didn't trust myself, and then I had so many conflicting feelings about my body. I got so much positive affirmation [00:01:00] for losing weight that it became closely tied to, okay, I am safer in the world.

I am more loved when I am smaller, when I am skinnier, so I have to control. My body and the way to control my body is to control food and it's permeated into exercise as well, to the point where I didn't know how to feed myself. I didn't know what hunger was. I didn't know what fullness was. I didn't know what foods I actually enjoyed eating.

I didn't know what made me feel good, what didn't. All I knew were external rules and it consumed my brain food and my body took up so much of my brain space, and that is no way to live. And it's hard to see when you're in it, just how much it has become part of your normal day-to-day life until you're on the other side and you realize, oh my gosh, there's a whole life out there to live.

So this is a gift that I hope I can give to you to get you started along the process of freedom.

Number one is what are you hoping to feel by gaining control of food in your body? So is it, well, I'm gonna be able to control my body and therefore I will feel more [00:02:00] confident. Okay, start feeling those things now. Start doing those things that you think finally gaining control of food will give you, or changing your body will give you.

So you might say, well, once I feel confident, then what? Then I will go on the dates. Then I will start posting on social media to start my business. Then I will show up more fully in my friend group. Then I'll wear the clothes that I wanna wear. Then I'll go wear a swimsuit more often. Whatever that is, start doing those things now.

This will train your brain to stop obsessing so much on food and your body thinking that is the ticket to the life that you want when you are the ticket. To the life that you want. You can actively choose to experience what you wanna experience in this moment. If you want to experience peace, that is why you want to gain control, which is ironic, right?

We want peace, but then we're griping so tightly and it's the antithesis of peace. But okay, I want peace. That's all I want. That's all I wanted once I got to the end of my rope with food is I just want peace and bliss. Okay. Then what will you do once you experience [00:03:00] peace? What will peace give you? What does that look like for you?

For me, that was okay. Then I can just move my body in the ways I actually wanna move my body. Instead of feeling like I have to go exercise super intensely and do a hard workout every single day, I would let myself just actually enjoy moving my body in a way that felt really good. I would wake up and just eat things that felt nourishing to me in that moment, taking care of myself, but also sounded good without any rules or external input as to what I should or should not be doing.

If you are gripping so tightly because you just want a feeling of safety. If I can control and eat perfectly or I can change my body, then everything in my life will feel safe because that's ultimately what we want when we are trying to grip for control, right? Certainty, safety. Okay, so once you have certainty and safety, you have control, then what will you do?

And you may have not even thought about, okay, I don't know really why I wanted everything to be so tightly controlled. So this might take a minute, but once you feel safe, then what will you do? Well, then I'll pursue the hobby that I wanna pursue. Then I will start thinking about the career that I wanna build.

Then I'll move to the city that I [00:04:00] wanna move to, or then I will just finally let myself relax. I can romanticize life more. Whatever that is, start doing all of these things now and this will reduce the pressure that you are putting onto food in your body.

Step 

number two to stop obsessing about food in your body is get clear on your own personal values and start living in alignment with those. I know these things that I'm talking about right now might seem like, ugh, just get to like tummy me to how to eat right? That's what our brains wanna go.

Just tell me what to eat. Tell me how to exercise. And that's what will give me peace. That's will allow me to stop obsessing about food in my body. Give me the supplement. That's not what this work is about at all. Really healing your relationship with food and your body is about your relationship with yourself, your inner work.

Now you need to get clear on your values. Why? Because there's a misalignment here. You are trying to fill a void with food and your body, that void is true. Alignment with what matters to you, your actual values. You might not even know who you really are. Deep down, I didn't, when I started working on my relationship with food in my body, I was actually astounded when I sat [00:05:00] with myself.

I was traveling, I'd finally had time to be with myself and my inner world, and I didn't know who I was. I didn't know what I valued. And it turns out the life that I was living, a lot of partying, just trying to kind of fit the mold of what everyone else was doing. That was not true to who I really was.

And there was a reckoning there and it was really uncomfortable. But the minute I just accepted that and said, okay, well who am I? Deep down? Who is Jesse? What do I want if no one else is around? If I was on a deserted island, I call it the deserted island test, what would I want? What would I value? Is it creativity, relationships, a passion project of yours?

Building a career? For me that was being an entrepreneur, that was having a career that made me really fulfilled. I didn't realize that I was actually a really creative person. That was very important to me. Maybe it's traveling. Maybe it is having a family. Maybe it is spending more time with your immediate family or building a friend group, whatever it is, getting involved in charity work.

Do something today that's aligns with your personal values. Now, what other people have told you to value, [00:06:00] but what you actually value, and again, this will fill that void in an actually meaningful way, lessening the focus that you put on food in your body.

The third step to stop obsessing about food in your body is to slowly start to connect to your body. Now, the vast majority of women, if not every single one that I have worked with, certainly the case with me, has never really sat and connected with their bodies. There is a big disconnect there, and this makes sense, right?

Because everything is about making decisions with your head and a militant force. Right. I'm gonna force my body into submission. I'm gonna have all these rules about food that come from my brain and from fear and control, and from someone else telling me rather than me telling me, making me, making decisions with my body.

So I want you to slowly, and this can feel uncomfortable if you haven't done this. So this is why I'm emphasizing slowly start to feel what it feels like in your body. It might just be okay. I am gonna feel my fingertips. I'm gonna feel the tips of my toes. I'm gonna feel what my stomach feels like as I'm eating.

How does it feel after? How does my energy feel? And if you're [00:07:00] afraid of connecting with your body, because there's a lot of emotion in there. The biggest piece of advice I can give you is that A, it's so human. Is we need to look at emotions sometimes more logically, even though emotions are not always logical, but they are part of us interacting with this complex world.

And if we can detach the sense of right and wrong and they're good or bad and even comfortable or uncomfortable, they just are. They are just sensations. It's all these labels that you're giving to these emotions. So slowly start to just experience what it is like to be in your body without labeling.

Without fighting and with those emotions, most emotions are going to peak and then soften after 90 seconds. 90 seconds. So if you can set a timer and not say, I'm gonna white knuckle it, but say I can be here with myself for 90 seconds and just don't have any expectations about what's gonna happen, just practice slowly connecting to what lives within your body.

Step number four is to differentiate between your thoughts versus your [00:08:00] body's needs. Now there's gonna be so many rules that you've likely inherited along your dieting journey, weight loss journey, health journey, quote, unquote, right? And for me, like I mentioned earlier, it was carbs are bad. I'm a sugar addict.

All sugar, carbs, anything processed is super bad. I have to avoid it at all costs. And in reality, what I want you to do is notice when those thoughts are popping up. A vast majority of them are going to be incorrect and faulty and instead tune into your body's needs. This is why we are connecting in the previous step, and now we are honoring what our bodies are actually saying.

So you might be hungry, but in your mind, then your brain, your thoughts are going to No, but you can't eat until 9:00 AM or 10:00 PM whatever it is. No, you're not allowed to eat 'cause you have a fasting window of 14 hours. You have to wait until this time, or you shouldn't be hungry yet. Or I know that has too many carbs, but your body is saying, no, this is what I need.

I feel better when I eat this way. Or This is allowed. This is not allowed. This is good or bad. Focus on your body's needs. If you're exhausted and your brain is going to, no, you have to get a [00:09:00] hard workout in. No pain, no gain, never skip a, skip a workout, never skip a Monday, whatever that crap is in your brain.

I want you to start to differentiate. Thoughts based in fear, fear and control, and external rules somebody else told me versus connecting to what my body is actually telling me. an important distinction here. I'm not saying, okay, I feel the impulse to have pleasure at every single moment. I too love to have donuts and cookies and glasses of wine, but my body's also speaking to me when it says, Hey, that's too much, right?

Starts to not feel good. Every additional bite, eh, not as pleasurable. And even if it is still as tasty, it's, Hey, last time I did that, I felt like crap. So this time I'm not going to do that. You still have to have that bedrock of respect for yourself and respect for your body. It's not just let me disconnect in a different way and solely focus on pleasure in the moment.

So that's an important distinction. It is separating a, your impulses. Cravings in the moment versus what's best for your body long term. What your body's telling you long term might take you a couple tries to figure [00:10:00] this out, and then separating that from fearful or control based thoughts.

Step number five is to stop using labels when it comes to food and exercise in your body. So I don't wanna hear anything like, I'm a sugar addict, I'm an abstainer, I'm an intermittent faster, I'm keto, I'm paleo, I'm a clean eater, I'm vegan, I'm vegetarian, whatever it is, I want you to delete those identities from your brain because our subconscious does not like the dissonance between our identity and our behavior.

It. So if you are trying to change your behaviors over here, but you're still clinging to No, no, no, but I'm the super clean eater and I'm the super regimented one, or no, I'm the girl who's the party girl and always doing whatever feels good in the moment. That's who I am. What actually, what would serve you is having a little bit more structure and including more of those wholesome foods, those nutrient dense foods.

You're gonna have a hard time sticking with that because your identity has been fused with something that you once. Were, or that you thought you had to be. Give yourself ample room to grow and evolve. What works for you for breakfast today? It might not work for you tomorrow. And if you're [00:11:00] trying to change from having a relationship with sugar or processed foods where you feel like it's very contentious and you feel like you're out of control, the worst thing you can do is tell yourself, I'm a woman who doesn't have any control with these foods, because you are never going to change your behavior from that place.

In the next step, we're gonna discuss what to do instead.

Step number six is to start using labels rooted in your values. So instead of the actual behaviors themselves. So what that looks like in terms of the outcome, eating sugar or eating certain things, not eating certain things, whatever it is, the type of exercise you do. I'm a CrossFitter Pilates girl, weightlifter, whatever I want you to focus on.

I'm a woman who blank when it comes to value. So I'm a woman who respects herself. I'm a woman who respects her body. I am a woman who values taking care of herself in a greater context. That includes being adventurous and spontaneous, right? I'm a woman who loves to experience pleasure when it is done in the right context, when it's worth it to me.

I'm a woman who values quality in my life and how I treat myself and the foods I choose to [00:12:00] eat. A lot of the time, I'm a woman who is flexible. Right, so focus on rooting yourself in values, because this can take so many different forms and is so dependent on the context. The most self-respecting thing for me to do in one moment might be to have the glass of wine tomorrow.

Might be to say no to the glass of wine, might be to be lifting for the next couple months. Then it might be doing more Pilates, more walking, whatever it is. There's a lot of flexibility there. It instead of rooting into, certainly not fear, but labels that have to do with the way that you're actually eating and exercising.

And certainly when it comes to your body, stop saying, I'm the girl who always struggles, struggles with her weight. I'm the overweight girl, or I'm the shredded girl. I'm the super fitness girl. I'm the girl with the six pack all the time. You're none of those things. You're a woman who treats herself with respect if that is a value of yours and values her wellbeing.

Just consider how much wiggle room that gives you to grow and evolve and do what is best for you.

Step number seven is I want you to focus on one behavior that is actually in alignment with those values because we wanna make sure that we're actually putting this stuff into [00:13:00] practice, right? Talking about all this stuff is wonderful, but we need to implement with action. So what is one action item that you can start to implement that is in alignment with your values today?

And keep in mind, like I said earlier, this is going to ebb and flow, but you might be focused on, okay, I'm going to show up today. As a woman who is rooted in self-respect, not just mentally, but in terms of her body too, she respects her body, she shows up fully in her body regardless of the way that it looks.

So that might be okay today. That means wearing the outfit I wanna wear, even if I'm 30 pounds heavier than I'd like to be. speaking from personal experience here, right? That was my story. I gained 30 pounds, showed up the exact same way, because guess what? I'm a woman who respects herself regardless of the way that she looks.

It might be I'm a woman who values relationships, spontaneity, not being perfect with food and exercise. So I'm gonna go out to eat tonight and I'm gonna have a glass of wine and just be super flexible with the foods that are on the table. While also prioritizing my wellbeing because taking care of myself is important in a well-rounded context.

 the [00:14:00] action item for today is I'm gonna go out to eat tonight and I'm gonna focus on connecting with the people in front of me and treating my body well and being flexible. Right? So you wanna focus on one action item. What is one thing I can do today to focus on, to really live out this identity rooted in my values?

Step number eight to stop obsessing about food in your body is to stop following women on social media, online, or maybe even need some space with these women in your personal life who interact with food, exercise in their bodies, in a way that makes you feel doubtful of the way that you are feeding yourself, treating yourself, exercising your own body instead either a.

Follow other women who have a wide variety of different ways that they move their bodies, they eat, and they are again, focused on those values, right? They're all living from a place of self-respect, of a full life, of an adventurous life. Whatever's important to you, showing your brain that it can look a million different ways.

Or maybe you have one specific type of energy that you wanna bring to food. You only want to follow women who [00:15:00] are eating intuitively. Because that's something you really wanna embody right now. Great. Get rid of every other woman online. You can mute 'em if you don't wanna unfollow them, and only focus on those who are embodying that.

If you want to focus on women who are more structured and they're really focused on their health, and they're focused on more quote unquote clean eating, because that feels really nourishing to you, remember it's all about the intention. Then follow those women. But I would also encourage you to make sure that's not done in one rigid way.

Focus on expanding your horizons, your brain's concept of how many different ways there are out there to eat and exercise. Move your body when it comes to body confidence Follow different women who have different bodies than you or follow women who have a similar body type to you who are showing up so powerfully and confidently rather than if you are 200 pounds and you're just following a bunch of women who are 120 pounds sitting there being like, well, there's a problem with me.

No, there's not a problem with you. It's just that you are only showing yourself one very, very small portion of reality. [00:16:00] Start to show your brain what is possible for you from that bedrock of alignment with your own personal values.

Step number nine is to move your body every single day, but be very flexible with the how. I got a lot of flack for this back in 2020 when we know what 2020 was about, right? where people were saying I was. SS. I'm not sure if I'm saying that correctly.

Encouraging women to move their bodies every single day because some women aren't able to. Okay with that context in the ways that you are able to, but it is so important for our overall wellbeing. This is not coming from a place of punishment or control, or you have to force yourself, this isn't true element of self-care.

Moving your body. It's so important for our brain, it's important for our bodies, for every aspect of our health to move our bodies that might be walking today. That might be weightlifting tomorrow, might be going for a run. It might be going to a Barry's class. Whatever that looks like, just move your body and instead of focused on, I have to exercise and everything needs to be intense.

That was my only frame of reference for a really long time of moving. My body was [00:17:00] intense exercise versus I could go to yoga. I could go walk my dog for 30 minutes. I can do, uh, some kind of intuitive flow at home. Whatever feels good to me. I would encourage you to tap in again to your body's needs in that moment and what actually feels good to you.

You might wake up and say, I have a lot of energy that I need to release. I'm gonna go for a run, or I'm gonna go do some sprints. Or you might say, wow, I'm really tired today. I feel like my body needs something slower. I wanna tap into my body. Great. Doing some kind of yoga or maybe slower Pilates flow might be what you need.

Be flexible with what it looks like every single day, but still show up for yourself, for your body, for your brain, with movement every single day.

finally, step number 10 to stop obsessing about food in your body is to stop staring at yourself in the damn mirror. Stop staring at yourself. And if you are the person who walks by the mirror and lifts up her shirt or checks on her cellulite on her butt, or her thighs and pinches her body, and blah, blah, blah, this is gonna be so, so important for you.

I [00:18:00] need you to stop putting so much focus on your body. And start putting all of your focus on your life. Hey, we're connecting to our body from a place of respect and understanding our body's needs, not focused, not being hyper-focused on our appearance. And this is so liberating once you really allow yourself to sink into it.

I remember there were times where I would go to the bathroom and I would come out and I hadn't looked at myself at all. and I later realized I had a bunch of stuff in my teeth. Or on my face. But it was so liberating to just be like, oh, I don't have to care about this. I can just let my appearance be what it is and put my focus on who I am as a person, on how I'm treating myself, how I'm treating others, how I'm interacting with a person I'm out to dinner with.

I can focus on, ooh, how do I wanna start my day today instead of walking in front of the mirror and checking my body to see if I needed to shame myself in that moment. For whatever reason I. Okay. Focus on your life, how you feel taking care of yourself, and step away from the mirror. Take a quick glance.

My outfit looks fine. My makeup [00:19:00] is not a mess. My hair looks good. It's fine to wanna look good by all means. But for this period of time where you've had so much obsession, we need a break. We need a break.

As I mentioned earlier, these steps are not your typical surface level. Do this, don't do that. When it comes to eat this exercise like this, nonetheless, this is the real work that is required for you to completely transform, which is what I want for every woman. The way you interact with food, your body, exercise, and ultimately yourself, and it is the best work you will ever do if you have struggled with food.

Your body with exercise in any way, shape, or form, you don't even realize how much freedom and peace and confidence. Is on the other side of doing this work. If you'd like to take it a little bit further, I do have a free training, four steps to stop obsessing about food and the top three mistakes that you are likely making, I also have a bunch of other resources linked in the notes below.

Regardless if you are listening to this on the podcast or YouTube, they're all linked in the notes and I'll see you guys in the [00:20:00] next episode.