132. Feminine Energy with Jillz Guerin (Queen of YouTube)

In this episode, I'm joined by the feminine energy queen of youtube, Jillz Guerin. I discovered her work last year, and I have learned SO much! In this episode, we discuss:

* What is feminine energy?

* Are we going back to the 1950s with this work?

* Clues our childhoods can give us.

* What women who are overwhelmed, stressed, and feel like they can't take any breaks can do to embody feminine energy.

* The importance of the masculine within *ourselves.*

* Polarity in dating and relationships.

* How feminine energy can lead to more financial success.

* Healthy vs wounded masculine & feminine energies.

* How to get your man to step up.

* and so much more!

Follow Jillz on youtube: https://www.youtube.com/c/jillzguerin

Jillz' feminine energy course: https://www.jillzguerin.com/awaken-your-feminine-energy

Feminine Archetype quiz: https://quiz.tryinteract.com/#/62954d108267ce00186741b1

"Are you more masculine or feminine?" https://www.tryinteract.com/share/quiz/6850aca3d051410015651b16

Youtube Masterclass: https://www.jillzguerin.com/youtube-masterclass

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MY DIGITAL RESOURCES!⤵️

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COURSES:

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Transcript

[00:00:00] So today we have Jills joining us, Jills Garrin, and we did this interview a year ago and it did not record, which is my absolute worst nightmare. So she's been gracious enough to come back here for round two.

So Jills, thank you for coming back. I'm so happy to be back. So I found you on YouTube, gosh, over a year ago now. I don't remember exactly when. And you are, I feel like the girl on YouTube, the woman for all things feminine energy. And then you cover a ton of personal development too. So for someone listening to this and they hear the word like feminine energy, how would you describe what that even means?

Yeah, some people get really confused by that, but it's really not that complex. So if you wanna make it really simple, feminine energy and masculine energy, it's kind of like yin and yang, right? So feminine energy is the yin and masculine energy is the yang. And so we all have, every single person has [00:01:00] both feminine and masculine energy within them.

But in general, women tend to have more feminine energy. And in general, men tend to have more masculine energy. Now, of course, there are exceptions to that, but that is tends to be like what happens the most. But feminine energy is those feelings of. Pleasure and presence and playfulness and, um, it's really being in the moment and, um, listening to your intuition, you know, connecting to your body.

That's what feminine energy is. It's in being mode as opposed to doing mode is masculine energy. It's, you know, competitiveness. It's action, it's leadership, it's analytical, it's being in the mind. So instead of being more connected to the body, it's more connected to the mind. Um, and it's that doing energy.

So we all have both feminine and masculine energy. It's just for a lot of women growing up into today's world, we become [00:02:00] disconnected from our innate feminine energy and our innate strengths. So fascinating because if I were to look back at me as a young child, a young girl, I do just naturally lean more feminine.

I think when you just let kids do their thing, you, they kind of figure out like, which they gravitate more towards, but. Over time, I lost so much touch with that part of me. I was not this like competitive, like forward driven all the time, like needed to be the best hardcore athlete. That was just not who I was.

I was content to, I really was a lot more creative too than I ever thought I was. So looking back at you as a child, can you see those threads of, oh, innately I was more this way versus the other way. Oh yeah. I feel like this is a huge thing for a lot of women. It's a, a lot of us are innately very feminine, but as we grow up, we're taught to embody more of our masculine qualities because that's what gets rewarded.

You know? That's what gets, oh, we got an A on that test, or [00:03:00] We got this amazing job. We're making a ton of money. It's like, that's what gets rewarded. That's what makes us look, you know, quote Good. That's what makes us feel, quote, loved, you know? Even, even if it's not really the case, that's, we often feel that, and even growing up, it's like, I know for me it's like, okay, well if I do better then my parents treat me in a different way.

And even if this wasn't the case, I felt more loved because of it. And I think that there's a lot of women who have that experience. I know for me, like I was very much, I was very feminine. I loved animals. I just, I. I just loved all of that kind of stuff. Um, and as I grew up, I learned to kind of push some of that down, and I was kind of subconsciously taught like, oh, but that stuff isn't good though.

You know, like, oh, that's, that's not actually that valuable. So I need to learn to take on more of these masculine qualities and learn to embody more of that, because that's what's good [00:04:00] completely. Yeah. I think almost for our generation, and maybe it's that way now, but I feel like for millennials it was almost like being a tomboy, being one of the boys was cool.

It was cool. Yeah. So I learned pretty quickly that being, and not that, and correct me if I'm wrong, not that being in your feminine is a stereotypical girly girl. Yeah. No, not at all. Not at all. But I was a girly girl. It's funny 'cause I wasn't Oh, interesting. I, I actually was naturally like, I mean I had these feminine qualities, but I, and I was very soft in many ways, and I still am when I come back to my true self, that's who I am.

But I also grew up with two older brothers and I did love sports and I hated playing with dolls. It's like, it, I I'm not saying that you have to fit this stereotypical mold of what a girl or a woman should be, but it's just interesting when we look back on our childhood, it can tell us a lot about who we are as people and not even just like feminine and [00:05:00] masculine energy.

It can tell us a lot, I think about what we're truly interested in and what our life path should probably be. Yes. I, I think there's a lot of people, this is my experience for sure is, you know, you'll grow up and you'll get this job and it's gonna be may, maybe it's unfulfilling, you don't really like it, and then you're trying to figure out what you wanna do and you, you know, tap back into what you like to do as a kid.

And it, it becomes kind of like crystal clear what direction you should go. You know, like I loved, I loved learning about, maybe not as like a tiny child, but as like a teenager. I loved learning about psychology and human behavior. Um, I loved when I was a little kid, I loved writing creative stories. Um, it interesting, it really all kind of interesting.

Yeah. And even little things like, one thing that I loved to do was when I was a little kid, I would spend hours in my bathroom mixing together random. [00:06:00] Concoctions, like this shampoo, this soap, whatever, all this stuff. And one thing that I think would be so fun to do as an adult is to make, um, like non-toxic bath products.

It's like something that I've always kind of wanted to do or like non-toxic perfume. So it's just kind of interesting how those, um, I dunno if I can say passions, but interests, you know, carry with us later on in life. And I feel like they tend to be aligned with our strengths. I would agree. Yes. So potential future business venture for you.

Yeah, and that was true for me. I, I remember drawing clothes as a young girl. I just loved. All those stereotypical girly girl things. And I would sit and watch YouTube videos on hair and makeup, and I was on a walk this last fall thinking about my career. 'cause I've always kind of known what I do now is I love it so much, but it's not the end game for me.

And then it came to me and act wear line, [00:07:00] and that's, oh, I love that. That's a great mix for you. Yeah, exactly. So that's why I was like, oh, this is my new direction and I'm starting that. But that wouldn't have come for me unless I gave myself full, full permission to kind of tap into almost like people would call it crazy.

Yeah, totally. As like, you can't do that. Mm-hmm. Totally. I think it's a good roadmap. Yeah. Okay. So going back to what you, we were just talking about, about the feminine, not necessarily being girly girl, a lot of women. We'll hear these terms and instantly think, oh, this is like the 1950s. This is oppressive.

This is trying to put women into a box of who they have to be and keep them down, keep them small. How would you respond to that? Yeah. Feminine energy is not telling women how to live their life. It's helping them tap into an area that they may have been d disconnected with for a long time. And there's [00:08:00] nothing that a woman has to do to be, you know, a, you know, high value woman, or to be like the best.

It's really just about, it's not about becoming someone you're not. It's about coming home to yourself. And so that's gonna look different for every single woman. And again, like what you said, it's not about being a girly girl oftentimes, when. Women tap more into their feminine energy. And this was definitely the case for me is that you just get inspired to have more fun with, you know, your makeup and doing your hair and having fun with outfits and putting on lipstick like that stuff for me is really fun.

That is genuinely very fun and it makes me feel like excited for the day and I like it and that puts me more in my feminine energy. But lipstick and dresses is not feminine energy that's looking feminine, but that's different from feminine energy. Feminine energy is more about that intuition, that connection to the body, you know, it's, [00:09:00] um, being in your pleasure connected to your sensuality, all of that.

Okay. So if a woman is sitting here thinking, okay, well I don't identify with like wearing a Milkmaid dress and you know, being a trad wife, things like that, then she can, it's more the energy that she's going throughout her day-to-day with. Yes, totally. It's not necessarily about what you do, it's more about how you do it.

Mm. That's the difference between feminine and masculine energy. Okay. And I think that'll be really helpful. And for women who today, which is like every single woman alive, the stressors can be overwhelming with to-do lists. It seems like women have to wear every single hat these days. So if she's listening to us and they're like, okay, this sounds great in theory, but I have like four kids and I have a full career and like household to run, blah, blah, blah.

How would you recommend that someone who feels like they can't even slow down throughout their day? [00:10:00] Implement this kind of energy. Two things. First thing is I would actually be very honest and ask yourself, do you have to do it all? Or do you just feel like you have to because that's what makes you like a good and accomplished woman.

Like, do you need to have a bunch of kids and work 60 hours a week and cook every single meal and clean your entire house and be the one who walks the dog? Like you actually don't. But we've been kind of programmed that that's what we're supposed to do as women. And I, I feel like this is the one thing that we can learn from men.

It's like they have no problem doing things that feel good to them. They go golfing on the weekend, you know, and they're like, bye. Yes. And um, even when they have kids, you know, and I think, you know, obviously that can be taken to an extreme, but sometimes that's the good thing is they still have their sense of self and they.

Still [00:11:00] value their own joy and pleasure. And so I think that's the first question to ask is first, are we overloading ourselves? Not because we need to, but because we feel like we have to. But then besides that, I know sometimes people are just really busy balancing work, children, whatever. And the biggest thing that I would say is that it all starts with your mindset.

So, for example, if you, I always like to take this example cooking. Okay? If you are cooking a meal, you can either cook with your masculine energy or your feminine energy, right? So if you're cooking with your masculine energy, it's all just about the result. You are just cooking to create a meal and eat and get it done, okay?

Like you're just there to eat the meal. But you can also cook in your feminine energy, which means you are enjoying the process. You are. You're not just creating an end result, a meal just to eat. You are doing art, you know, you are putting together ingredients, you're smelling the smells. You are [00:12:00] this artist almost, right?

And you're putting something together. And that's the difference between masculine energy and feminine energy. Masculine energy is doing something just for the result, just for the outcome. Feminine energy is enjoying the process. And I think a lot of us really struggle to enjoy the process to getting to where we wanna go.

And we stressed out the whole time. Let's say we wanna, you know, build this business, this successful business. I want you to think about if you knew that that business was already going to be successful, how much more would you enjoy the process? I love that reframe. I know that's been huge for me. I think about that all the time.

It's like, how much more can we just enjoy the things that we're doing in our day? Even some things that are sometimes a little bit stressful or even sometimes things that are not. I was thinking about this this morning actually. I was getting ready. And especially as women, okay. You know how sometimes we, okay, so we [00:13:00] get ready in the morning, right?

And whatever. It's kind of just, we're going through the process, right? But then remember those times where you get ready to go have this girl's night with your friends and getting ready is often like the most fun part of the process. Yes. It's, you're doing the exact same thing, but one is really fun and rewarding and it's, it's enjoyable.

And then the other is like a task to be done and you're just getting through it. And so I like to think about like, how can we channel that energy through like different things that we're doing in our day. Even things that aren't always like, oh, I'm going to this fancy dinner. Or it's like, how can we channel that energy and the little things that we're doing every single day?

I love that. It's way more approachable too. So it sounds like romanticizing your day to day. Yeah. Yeah, totally. I think that's one of the biggest tips for like getting more connected to your feminine energy because it connects you to your senses, it connects you to your body. It helps you be more present.

It's, it's really a good, [00:14:00] I, I loved, I think about that all the time. It's like, how can I just enjoy what I'm doing right now? I think that's so beautiful. And one of the things that I struggled with initially with this concept is feeling like, ugh, that's like pointless. And I think that's just society as a whole has led us to believe that the feminine aspect of life is pointless.

Well, you're thinking like it's pointless because you're thinking the only thing that matters is the end result. Exactly. Rather, it's like thinking about like what's what? Why are you here on earth? You know? Are you here to enjoy life and love experience, love and experience all the emotions? Or are you here to make a million dollars and get an A plus on your port card?

It's like, what? What are you here for? It's this. It's the same thing. I came to that realization. I had like a slight minty B, if you will, when I was leaving New York City a couple years ago and I had been pushing so hard, and then I eventually came to the realization, wait a minute, [00:15:00] what am I gonna do when I get there?

Yeah. And then what, and it kind of broke my brain a little bit where I realized, oh shit, there's no, the carrot just moves. And so I can't keep burning myself out living on this treadmill. Mm-hmm. When at the end, ultimately I'm the one who decides what the end is. And if there's really no end in sight, then the process is the whole entire point.

Yeah. And a lot of people, once they reach their goals, they actually become the least happy because they don't know what to do with themselves anymore. And because they thought they were going to be happy and everything was gonna be perfect, when they reach this goal and they get there and they realize everything's exactly the same.

Mm. And it's like your, your, your life is one perpetual journey. It's like when one journey ends, a new one automatically begins. So if you can't learn to enjoy the journey, then you're always gonna struggle to enjoy your life. Uh, that's so heartbreaking too, to think our one life, you weren't ever really here.

You were always just chasing the next thing. Mm-hmm. So [00:16:00] these things all sound, I mean, I'm sure some listening to this are like, okay, I get it. But when you started to implement this work, what was the biggest challenge for you? That's a great question. I think the biggest challenge for me was I didn't exactly know because I was so disconnected from myself.

I didn't exactly know what brought me joy and passion in my life. And I think that that's also a big part of feminine energy. You know, if you are going to a job that you absolutely despise and then after work you're doing something else that, you know, let's say you force yourself to go to a HIIT workout class that you absolutely despise and, and you're just doing all these things because you feel like you're supposed to, not because you're actually enjoying it or passionate about it, then again, it's really hard to enjoy life and it's really hard to tap into your feminine energy.

But for me, I was so disconnected from myself. That took a little bit of time for me to kind of learn about [00:17:00] myself and reconnect with myself in that kind of way. I feel like it took me maybe about a year of just kind of like discovering and being easy on myself until I started becoming interested in things again.

'cause it was like, back then, you know, I was having really bad health issues. I was working a job I didn't like, and I just generally felt like I wasn't interested in anything. Um, but it really, just because I wasn't, I, I wasn't allowed to, I didn't feel like I was allowed to explore what I was interested in and I didn't really have the time to explore what I was interested in.

And so I think that was one thing is like I, at that time in my life, I didn't really have any passions in my life. I didn't have any hobbies. It was just go to work, come home, go to the gym, I guess, you know, force myself to run at a treadmill and then I. Sit on my phone for an hour and go to bed, you know?

Mm-hmm. There was no passion, and so I think that was a big thing. I had to completely turn my life around, and once that [00:18:00] passion started coming back it, it started becoming a lot easier. I love that you gave yourself the time and the grace to just kind of rediscover yourself. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Did you struggle at all with, and this is something probably my biggest block with all this work, is the belief that I can achieve a goal, let's say, in business, financially, whatever it is for women in my audience, I talk a lot about this when it comes to fitness goals, that you can do it in a way that feels good, but whatever avenue they're thinking of, did you ever struggle with, yeah, but I can't be successful in my career unless I'm pushing and forcing and it's all about the end result.

Or did you actually believe I can get to my goals from this place of more feminine energy and being. I definitely didn't believe that at first. Okay. But once I started learning more about feminine energy and, and really tapping into it and feeling it in my body for myself, then that's belief started to diminish even before that actually happened in my life, like before I created a [00:19:00] business from a more soft life, life space.

But I think that's really a limiting belief that holds a lot of women back. It's like that we, this is what we're taught. Like we have to push and hustle. And that's because like that's what men do. You know, that's masculine energy. And again, that's beautiful and sometimes we do need that for sure. But you know, through all this women empowerment stuff, women have been taught to live like men.

And so that's what we are taught that to be successful in business you have to push through or you have to, you know, push and hustle all the time. And again, there will be probably some periods of that I don't like to, I. Be unrealistic, especially if you're starting your own business or sometimes we are just in a heavy season of life.

You know, maybe you're in your last year of your master's degree or whatever, something like that. Maybe you do need a bit more masculine energy and that's okay. But in the grand scheme of things, when you zoom out, I truly believe that you can reach success [00:20:00] without a lot of that hustle. And you, as an example, to expand people listening to this, you have achieved incredible success and more so, I mean, you, correct me if I'm wrong, but far more so than where, how much success you achieved prior in your masculine energy when that was leading the show, right?

Mm-hmm. Definitely. Yeah. And it's interesting because it's like, it's not just about like, oh, doing things in my soft life. It's like. When I became connected to my true passions, my true interests, and tapped into my true strengths, then everything becomes easier, right? It's all about working smarter, not harder, right?

So I always say this, it's like, okay, if you are, if you are an artist that is just like your strength, you're just this amazing painter and you're so good at it, right? If that person then goes to be an accountant, they can still be a successful accountant, but they're never really going to [00:21:00] live up to their full potential, and it's never always gonna feel really easy and effortless simply because they're not in alignment with who they are.

And I think that's the biggest part of it, is like when you actually move into alignment with who you are, your natural strengths, what you actually like to do, everything becomes a lot easier. There are even some days where I will literally work 12 hours and it doesn't feel hard because I'm doing things that I'm genuinely interested in.

I would, I would do this for free. So that's the difference. Whereas my old job, I worked at an accounting firm, um, it didn't feel that way, you know? Not at all. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I think that's such a good point. There was a podcast I listened to by, uh, Naval, have you heard of him? Naval? Mm-hmm. Naval, yes. Yeah.

I've, I read his book too, or the, yeah, the book about him. Yeah. It's really good, by the way. Okay. I need to read that. Um. And the podcast, he was saying exactly what you just said, that the person who wins, and again, not that it's about winning, but the person who ends [00:22:00] up being successful and enjoying life is the person who pursues a career where they would do that work for fun.

Mm-hmm. Because you can't beat somebody who's like, exactly, Hey, I would do this as like a hobby in my spare time. Exactly. And there's a different energy that you show up with too. You know, I, I think that's a part of it too. It's like even me on YouTube, it's like I genuinely love talking about the things that I'm talking about.

And again, I, I would do it for free and I, when I started it, I didn't even expect it to turn into a business. So there's that. And I even like to use influencers as a really great example. Okay. Influencers starting out before influencing was a huge industry. They just did it because they love to share their outfits.

Like they loved putting together outfits, taking pictures of themselves and sharing their outfits and where they got their top from. And then now influencers are making tons of money sharing the, the top that they got from anthropology [00:23:00] when you know, other people are working 12 hours a day and struggling in an office, but these influences are making like a million dollars because they did something that wasn't even for money in the beginning.

I mean, maybe now, but I'm talking about like when all this was starting, you know? Mm-hmm. It's like they truly just tapped into their passions and they turned it into something. Gosh, I know social media opened up the doors for women. Mm-hmm. I think especially. Mm-hmm. Totally. So feminine energy in when it comes to work seems like it is really not about hard work, which I think is just a capitalist.

I mean, I'm pro capitalism, but I mean like hardcore, um, masculine mindset that it's always about hard work when it's about aligned work, would you say? Yes. That's a good way to put it. Like, yes, there's gonna be some hard work involved, but it's different when that work is aligned, when that work is aligned.

That hard work doesn't feel so [00:24:00] hard. It feels more like a passion project and like you are creating something. Oh, I love that. The creation aspect. The creation, yeah. There's a difference between feeling like you are doing something versus creating something love. Okay. I feel like that is, that's a mental note for me to have tapping into creation versus doing mm-hmm.

One thing just. I could see someone, and I've fallen into this trap so many times of hearing these concepts and saying, okay, well I wanna like make the easy million dollars, so I'm gonna tap into feminine energy like Jill said. So it's still using the, I'm gonna do this to get an end result. Mm-hmm. Versus I'm going to do it for me.

For me. So in your story, can you just give a little backdrop into what led you to this work? 'cause I'm assuming it was not, I mean I know, but the people dunno, it was not so that you could build a successful business. No, not at all. So basically I was [00:25:00] working a jobs that I didn't like back in the day and then I started having a lot of health issues.

Um, I got diagnosed with an autoimmune issue and um, I was really struggling. I was in pain like every single day and I was having a very hard time. And also my mother had just passed recently, so that was a really hard time in my life. And basically these health issues kind of threw me for a loop. And I was so uncomfortable and so miserable every day that I was like, I don't care what it takes, I'm going to change my life.

You know where you get to that point where you're like, I'll do anything. Um, so first this whole journey started for me as a health journey. I learned how to take care of myself. I learned that I learned how to cook myself food and, and eat healthier meals, um, you know, and not get takeout every single night.

I learned into, you know, I, because Western medicine couldn't really help me, I dove into the holistic side because again, I was desperate. Um, [00:26:00] and once I started seeing like real progress in my health and my life started turning around, I was like, whoa. And I became very interested in everything relating to that.

And I actually started doing. You know, once I healed my body, I actually started doing some health coaching on the side, and then I was doing healthy food blogging because I was just so interested in that kind of stuff. Now, once I got a bit deeper into it, I realized how, you know, food and all of that is just one piece of the puzzle.

And the true health, at least in my opinion, is the deeper layer, the mindset, and that whole layer. And so that's an alignment in everything, right? So I stumbled upon this concept of feminine energy, and immediately when I first read about it, it just clicked for me. Like, you know, you get that intuitive, like zing sometimes you're like, oh, this is important.

That's how it felt for me. I was like, oh, this, this [00:27:00] is important. I, this is what I've, what, this is what's been missing, what I've been disconnected from. And so after I'd done all the health stuff, I was still, I was feeling so much better, but I still wasn't like. A hundred percent. You know, I was still, my autoimmune stuff had gone away, but I was still struggling with some chronic fatigue and some chronic pain here and there and issues like that.

But once I started fully leaning into feminine energy, and not just feminine energy, but coming back to myself, because at the end of the day that's what this is, that's when everything started to shift for me. And I realized that life could look completely different. And once I, once I learned about that, there was kinda like no going back and I wanted to share everything that I talked about.

So I was initially doing healthy food, blogging and doing that on Instagram. And then I started a YouTube channel in 2020 and I was a little bit scared to talk about feminine energy because it [00:28:00] was a little new back then and people really kind of looked down on it. Um. So I started off my YouTube channel doing like a few health related videos.

And then I was like, ah, whatever. I'm gonna do this Feminine energy video and just see, see what happens. And it ended up being the video that started, um, growing my channel. Of course it ended up Of course. Yeah, exactly. And so I was like, oh, perfect. Like this is what I wanna talk about anyways. So then I just started really going in that direction and then it's just has taken off from there.

That is an understatement. The feminine energy. How did you just stumble upon that? 'cause I feel like you were so ahead of the times with, I mean now it's everywhere, but before that you were really, I feel like out of the gate. Yeah. This was a long time ago. I probably discovered it in like 2000. 17 maybe or 2018?

Probably 2017. And, um, that's a long time ago. Way before it was, you know, [00:29:00] popular on TikTok and stuff. And I honestly don't exactly remember how I stumbled upon it. I wish I did. I'm pretty sure I was reading some blog on the internet. Uh, I don't know. It was, it was nothing crazy. But I just remember seeing the term and like a light definition of it.

And then I had just went to town obsessing over it and, and learning about it. I'm someone who like, loves to do deep dives on things, so, and like go down rabbit holes. So then I just remember sitting in my room at like 1130 at night on my phone, like researching this while my husband's sleeping next to me.

Uh, amazing. Gosh, that makes me think of that Steve Jobs quote, like, you can't connect the dots. Looking forward, only looking back that so true that came to you at that right moment in time. And then look at the rest of your life. I. And that's another thing is when you're tapped into your feminine energy, you're tapped into your intuition.

And so life starts to become a little bit easier because you have that inner guidance that you didn't have before. And even if that inner guidance doesn't [00:30:00] make sense, it almost always makes sense eventually. Ooh. Like, not in the moment, but five years from now. Like, you'll see why you were supposed to do that thing.

Like at the time I was like, why do I feel the need to start a YouTube channel? Like, it's not gonna turn into anything. I'll probably get like 10 views. You know, why, why should I do this? And then I just kept talking about it and talking about it. And then finally my husband was like, okay, we're going to Best Buy and we're buying you a camera and you're gonna start it.

Sweet. I know, I, I, um, I, oh, I used to be a big scaredy cat of like, everything, not as much now, but, so it took me a long time to get on YouTube. But once I did, then it started like taking off and I was like, oh, I'm supposed to go in this direction. I'm not supposed to, I'm not supposed to do healthy food stuff anymore.

So fascinating. It's interesting to me that society views this whole conversation in a lot of circles of feminine energy as oppressive when what initially came to [00:31:00] mind when you said that is, to me it's actually the opposite. Where throughout history, women have been like witches were burned at the stake.

We've been oppressed throughout all of history until very recently. Mm-hmm. And all of these qualities we've been gaslit to saying our intuition is wrong, that women's innate, um, knowing is something kind of batshit. Mm-hmm. And so it seems like this revulsion against, like the topic of feminine energy is just another angle of that being like mm-hmm.

No, you women are silly. You don't know anything. Suppressing it Yes. Suppressing your power because they don't understand it. Yes. Mm-hmm. And anything that they don't understand, then it's just. Needs to be quieted because it doesn't make sense or it's scary, you know? But we are like, women are literally creators.

Like we create life and that's like actually the most magical thing that a human being can do. It's insane that we can do that, that we can create this life inside of us. You [00:32:00] know, turn it into a real human being and birth it. Yes. And then, and then it's a living being. It's crazy. And I've, I've heard this saying, it's like women are the closest thing to God.

Yes. I heard that too. And I was like, say it again. Yeah. That is so powerful. And I. It's such a shame that if you really think back, and my mom was onto something when I was younger, she was like, look, I want women to be able to do whatever they wanna do, but you girls like your generation, you're gonna have way too much on your plate and you are gonna be depleted and you're gonna have nothing left for you.

Yeah. Your mom was smart. Yeah. And my sister and I would be like, yeah, yeah, whatever. Like you're old school and now looking back it's like, no, that was power. Sitting here saying, I don't have to do it all. I have nothing to prove to all of you. So she actually was in that power where I was convinced and brainwashed that power was doing it all.

Mm-hmm. That's so interesting [00:33:00] because my mom was very much wanted me to achieve, go to a good school, get a good job, make a lot of money, because in her day and age. She, you know, she was a bit older when she had me. She did not have any of that opportunity. It was like, she always told me that in high school the teachers told her that she could be two things, a teacher or a nurse.

And so she chose teacher. And um, even back in her day, like women weren't in sports or anything, she was like a cheerleader. But, um, you know, that was it. And so she was always like, take advantage of those opportunities, you know, but with that same, you know, she would also push that heavily on me, which is why I also set more into my masculine energy, because it was always about being successful, making enough money and being safe.

And that's really what it was. She wanted me to be safe. I mean, I can look back [00:34:00] on that and know that's exactly what it was. And. She had a bit of a rough childhood, so she never felt that. And so I think she just wanted me to be safe. But in this effort to push us to be safe, sometimes it can take us away from our peace.

It's such a, I mean, that's so valid, especially when if you have a child especially, that puts you in such a vulnerable position as a woman. So there is this, and I would love to hear both when it comes to inner masculine, but then also relating to masculine partners or masculine people out in the world.

How do, how important is our own inner masculine, let's just start there to embodying our feminine, it's very important because think about masculine energy as like the container that. Allows the feminine energy to shine. So a lot of people say this analogy where masculine energy is, is a bowl and feminine energy is the water inside that bowl.

So once that bull is gone, then the water just kind of [00:35:00] spills everywhere and isn't really much of anything right? But the masculine energy is what allows that water to flow and to move and to exist. And so the truth is, is that in order to have feminine energy, there needs to be masculine energy there.

And I think there's probably a lot of women who can attest to this. When you're in a relationship with a man who is not in health in his healthy masculine energy, it makes it so you feel like you have to be the masculine one because there is literally no other choice. It's just energetic polarity. It's kind of like the way we operate as human beings.

So if there is no masculine energy in the relationships, someone has to step up and do it. But it's also the same. You, you can think of it as like you have that relationship inside you as well. Your feminine energy can't fully shine unless you also tap into a little bit of that masculine energy and have a little bit of that, um, structure and that containment, so to say.

So like, [00:36:00] here's like a very practical way to explain this. Your, let's say, let's take working out because that's what you talk about, right? Mm-hmm. So, um, the masculine structure for that is, okay, I am going to work out Monday through Friday, you know, and Saturday and Sundays are gonna be my rest days. But then the feminine energy says, okay, let's say you're gonna workout every, every evening, right?

Monday evening comes, but then you tap into your body and you think, but what does my body need right now? Does it need a run? Do I need to get really sweaty? Do I need a gentle Pilates workout or like a gentle yoga flow? Do I need to go for a walk in nature? Like. What is my body telling me? So that's the masculine energy is saying, we are gonna show up and we are going to be devoted to our goals of being healthy, of being fit.

And Monday evening comes, you're gonna do something right. But Monday evening comes and you're gonna tap into your body. You're gonna say, what does my body need? Love [00:37:00] that. Okay. So the masculine is brace basically giving a safe container and that is the healthy masculine. Because I think when a lot of people might associate masculine with, I mean look at like world leaders right now, right?

Of and throughout history of just oppressive more of that quote unquote toxic masculine, wounded masculine. Yeah. Yeah. So what are some differentiators? Let's just start with the internal before we move into like the relational, like what are some signs of maybe you're operating in your wounded masculine.

Got it. Versus healthy. Got it. So wounded, masculine is more aggressive and competitive in like a bad way. You know, it's, it's selfish. Think about, think about this king energy. Okay? A king, they, A king can either be in his wounded masculine energy or healthy masculine energy. If a king is in his wounded masculine energy, he's going to be more of that tyrant, right?

He's gonna be [00:38:00] telling people what to do. People are gonna be afraid of him. They're only gonna listen to him because they're afraid of him. The healthy masculine, the reason why he's such a good king is because he's there for the people. He is. He wants to protect and provide, right? He wants, he is willing to self-sacrifice for his people.

So his people are devoted to him because they trust him, because they want to follow him. And that's the difference between wounded masculine energy and healthy masculine energy. And wounded masculine energy is very. Externally destructive, which is, you know, kind of what we're seeing in today's world.

Mm-hmm. Um, when there are wounded masculine men, they tend to struggle with things like violence and being aggressive. Right. Or as wounded feminine energy is internal destruction. So if you're struggling with wounded feminine energy, that's gonna look, uh, that doesn't have as bad of a stigma because it's not, you know, hurting other people as much, [00:39:00] but you are hurting yourself.

So that wounded, feminine internal destruction, so that can look like people pleasing and, um, being overly self-conscious and needy and all of that. It can look like being falling into that low level of like depression, things like that. That's so fascinating. I think that's such an important distinction for people is both in their relationship with themselves is it sounds like the wounded masculinity is basically like a bully.

Like are you bullying yourself into working out? Are you bullying yourself into going to work and doing a job you hate? Mm-hmm. Versus sounds like more of a heart-centered leader. Mm-hmm. I mean, that's what the kind of men I've always been drawn to anyway. Totally. And I think another way to think about this is like, 'cause discipline is a big part of being successful in life and being a successful human being, and also masculine energy.

And we, we need discipline in our life. But you can think about discipline as discipline, or you can think [00:40:00] about discipline as devotion. And devotion sounds so much lighter and so much more feminine, and so much more intuitive. And when you think about discipline, it's like, oh, okay, I have to show up. But devotion is like, once you think about devotion, you know exactly what you need to do.

Because you're more tapped into your body as opposed to just like, oh, go work out tonight. You're gonna go run on the treadmill. Right? Instead of devotion is like, I'm devoted to feeling healthy and being strong. So what does my body need? I love that. And then in terms of relationship, I think of like, my grandfather was so devoted to my grandma, it's this like, I don't wanna oppress you.

I want to protect you so that you can thrive type of energy. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Which is so beautiful. And that, that's, uh, I think you asked a question like this. I think, um, one of the most important traits you need in a partner is someone who is truly devoted to you and wants to see you happy and see you thrive and see you safe.[00:41:00] 

You know, it's, it's all about their character at the end of the day. I know a lot of people on TikTok talk about, you know, finding a man with a bunch of money and all this stuff, but it's really about character. If you wanna be in your feminine energy and. Feel taken care of and you know, feel that soft life.

It's like you have to be able to trust him and to rely on him. And you need to know that he's a good person and that he has your back a hundred percent. That is the most important thing. And I think a lot of women would attest to this, especially women who have had children. There's a huge difference when their partner is incredibly supportive and helpful and loving versus a partner who is not, or is not present with them, or, you know, doesn't help them out in times of need.

There's a difference when a mother has to raise a child with a wonderful involved father and a man who is just there sometimes completely. I mean, that just makes me anxious, even just thinking about it, the amount of [00:42:00] overwhelm you would feel. Mm-hmm. I saw you say at one point, and you'll say this more eloquently than me, but, um, man's job is to take learn, to take on responsibility.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Okay. So I said a woman's journey is learning how to let go and embrace pleasure. And a man's journey is learning how to take on responsibility. Mm. And I think that, ah, that's not the truth. I think. I think that is the truth. And I think women are innately self-sacrificial and men have to learn how to take on self-sacrifice.

But I don't think that men will actually be fulfilled in their life until they learn how to take on responsibility and take on that self-sacrifice. I could not agree more with that. And it seems, can you identify, if you look at society at night? I adore men. I think men are such an important role in society, but there does seem to be a gap these days with men.

It just seems like it's all about fun time and I, I wanna do what I wanna do when I wanna do it. Do you notice [00:43:00] that? And how would you recommend a woman kind of course correct if she finds herself in a relationship with a man like that? There are different types of men out there, and if you want to be and then there, yeah, I mean that's true.

It's just there are different types of men out there, and if you want to be in a relationship where you can be in your feminine energy, then you need to find a man that truly enjoys protecting and providing and find fulfillment into, in that, and is tapped into that energy. Um, but you know, it's interesting because I, I started dating my husband when I was in high school.

We were 17 and we started dating. So we really grew up together and you know, obviously we had no idea what feminine energy is and masculine energy is, and we weren't tapped into that at all. But it's interesting because as we've both grown up, we've seen, and I've seen in him how he is so much happier and more fulfilled in his life when he leads more from his masculine energy and taps into his masculine energy, not just in the relationship, but in his life, in his work and [00:44:00] everything.

Whereas I'm the opposite. I am. I feel the happiest and most fulfilled when I'm leaned more into my feminine energy. And it's interesting because there have been moments where it was the opposite where I was more in my masculine and he was more in as feminine. And what happens is obviously our relationship was not as connected, but also we just weren't as happy as individuals.

And I can see, like for example, if there's ever a time where my husband is struggling, it's usually because he's not as tapped into his masculine energy, but that masculine energy requires discipline and responsibility. So it's this kinda this crux because it's like men in my opinion, they are tend to be the most fulfilled when they are in that role and taking on responsibility.

But also the idea of responsibility can be scary. Yes. It seems like they value their freedom so much that the idea of responsibility might seem constrictive. [00:45:00] To them, like, oh, you're trying to put too many rules on me. How would a woman, or when you were trying to course correct with your husband, or you would recommend a woman doing this if the polarity has been flipped?

'cause you could sit there and wait all day. Right. For a man to just like change. But I, we inspire them, we can anyway to change. Right. So how did you start to get him to shift? Or how would you recommend a woman do that? Yes, we can definitely inspire them to change, but at the end of the day, it is up to them.

And one thing you have to keep in mind is that a man, if you really want a man to be in his masculine energy and you want him to be devoted to you and you know, protect, provide all those things, then he needs to be the type of man who is enamored with you. And what I mean is that oftentimes women are chasing men that don't actually really like them that much and then they try to get them to.

Protect, provide, be masculine for me when they don't want [00:46:00] to. And that's okay. Like it is okay if a man doesn't like you, there have been, I'm sure many men that don't like me, that's fine. But when you actually lean into, when you lean into just like a, A man, the man that actually likes you, right? That is what's most important.

You have to find the man that actually values you For you, and I know that sounds a little bit cheesy, but it's true. That's why being in your feminine energy is attracting in and not chasing, right? The masculine energy is doing the chasing the feminine energy is doing the attracting in. Once you start doing the chasing, then you are stepping into that masculine energy role, and then you're putting them in the feminine energy role and then it complicates things, right?

So if you want first, like before we even get into the being in a relationship, if you want that masculine part partner, you need to let. To an extent, let him come to you and allow yourself to be open to the [00:47:00] man that actually truly is invested in you and wants you. And there are some men out there that are great.

There are some men out there that are, that suck. And I'm not saying to, um, just sit back on your couch and not do anything because they're supposed to be the ones that are pursuing. You also have to keep in mind that the world is a little complicated today, and good men do not wanna be seen as creepy or stalkerish or annoying you.

And so if you try to play games or play hard to get, they're not going to want that. I was talking to, um, my husband's friend the other day, and he's single and he's very quick. Where if the, he, he's a great man and if, if he's, um, you know, seeing someone and the woman feels like they are playing games or, you know, um.

Avoiding him to make him chase her, then he immediately gets unattracted to that because it feels immature. And he doesn't wanna be [00:48:00] the creepy guy. He doesn't wanna be, uh, stalkerish. You know, that's not good. The, the truth is, like, as, as women, I think we can all agree to this. It's like when you, when there's a man that you like, you're really attracted to him and he's putting in all this energy, and he's sending you flowers and texting you all the time, it feels great.

But if a man did that, that you were not attracted to, it would feel creepy and uncomfortable instantly. Yeah. And so they don't know the difference. They, they or they don't know what you're thinking. Right. And so a lot of good men, they don't wanna be creepy. So my point in saying this is that, yes, let the man pursue, but also make it known that you are open to that.

You know, have open energy, have warm energy, and be open. To that person in their life. And then they will, those good men will actually pursue and signal that you're interested so that they don't feel like a creep. Exactly. Exactly. Very fair advice. And that is [00:49:00] incredibly, I mean, immature, like we're back in high school.

Mm-hmm. Okay. Interesting. I always love getting a man's perspective too. So if a woman is already in relationship, let's say from the get go, 'cause I've seen this with so many of my friends where I don't know if it was our generation or just like who I surrounded myself with, but it was more often than not, the women were chasing the guys.

Oh yeah. And then, and those are the ones that struggle. Yes. And so now, but they somehow end up married and it's like the guy kind of was like, ultimatum. Mm-hmm. Like you either marry me and they're like, fine. And then so now the polarity is still the same. What does a woman like that do? I would say my best advice is to make sure that you are still your own woman and doing your own thing sometimes.

So sometimes, for example, if we want to be more connected to our partner and we want our partner to do things, we say, why don't you do this for me? Or, why can't we go out on a date [00:50:00] or, come on, let's do something. When in reality, the better thing to do is to pull that energy back into yourself. Don't be, you know, mean, or, or play games with him or anything, but pull that energy back into yourself.

Take care of yourself. Get ready in the morning, look good because it makes you feel good. Go out and do something with your friends, right? Pull that energy back into yourself, and then once, once that energy is pulled back into yourself, that gives him an opportunity to step up now and step into his masculine energy and start.

Pursuing you in that relationship. You know, even if you're still married, and this is something that I, I do all the time with my husband. If I feel like we're disconnected or I want him to step up in any way, literally within five minutes of me pulling my energy back and just doing my own thing, all of a sudden he's hovering and say, oh, what do, what do you, what do you wanna do this weekend?

I'll take, can I take you to dinner? Can I plan something? That's so funny how quickly they can pick up on that. Really. Like [00:51:00] they really do. I, okay. I think that's really solid advice and that's really approachable, just like right off the bat. Mm-hmm. That sounds like the energy of detachment. Yes. Yeah, definitely.

Can you explain a little bit more about that concept and how it relates to feminine energy? Yeah. I think a lot of people hear the word detachment and they think, you know, being really cold and aloof and a little mean, and that's not what that is. De is detachment is being securely attached in your relationship and.

Detachment is, at the end of the day, learning to trust and being okay with uncertainty. It's not even about relationships and love, it's about being okay with uncertainty and being able to sit with that and trust it anyways, you know, and to be like, whatever happens, I'm gonna be okay. I'm gonna, so for example, if you're detached, when you're dating this, this guy that you like, you're detached because you know that if it doesn't work out, [00:52:00] it's not meant to be, and you'll find someone better, right?

There's a better match out there. That's, that's what detachment looks like. You're warm, you're open, you are showing up in this relationship, but at the end of the day, you still have you. You still love you, and you trust whatever is going to happen. Because in a relationship and with love, there is always risk, and there's always that potential of getting hurt.

That's why secure attachment is so hard, and that's why I'm being detached is so hard. It's because we wanna avoid pain, right? Mm-hmm. But at the end of the day, it's all just about your relationship with uncertainty. Mm. And that kind of sounds like going back to having that almost inner masculine of like, I have my own back Totally.

No matter what. Exactly. And that's that when you have, when you have no masculine energy, and let's say you're in your wounded feminine energy, that's when you get needy and that's when [00:53:00] you, um, start relying on other people. And that's when you start pushing on men, like, oh, you know, please take me to dinner, blah, blah, blah.

Because that's that anxious attachment, right? Mm-hmm. So, um, wounded women who are in their wounded feminine energy, or just people in their wounded feminine energy, they tend to have anxious attachment. And it's just what I've noticed. I, there have no scientific basis, you know, backing on that. Mm-hmm. But it is just my own observation.

So Wounded feminine Energy is that anxious attachment and wounded feminine energy is that avoid avoided attachment? The wounded masculine is, avoid it. Sorry. Yeah, sorry. Wounded masculine energy is the avoided attachment. Okay. And have you struggled with any either of those at any point? Yeah, probably a little of both, but especially the avoidant one, which is really interesting.

Same, yeah, that's, that was like my default. And I think that's just because it just feels like a safer, again, just goes back to protection and not trusting. Mm-hmm. And I felt like, well [00:54:00] if I push people away enough, then they couldn't hurt me. Yes. Classic. And that does seem to be more prevalent amongst men.

Definitely, yeah. I've noticed that women tend to be more anxious, like if they're not securely attached, then they lean more anxious and men tend to lead more avoidant. But of course we're the, you know, opposite just shows that it's not gender specific role. Yeah, exactly. How did you overcome that? Was there anything you did to become more secure?

I think one of the most important things to know is that it's very hard to heal your attachment style outside of when you're not in a relationship. And it doesn't have to be a romantic relationship, but a lot of times people try to do this healing before they actually enter a relationship when you do the healing in the relationship and going through those ups and downs.

And so, you know, like I said, I started dating my husband in high school, so we grew up together and. I [00:55:00] became more secure through a relationship with him. And for example, there, and maybe you relate to this, there were many moments where I was younger where maybe we'd would have an uncomfortable conversation and I would just shut down.

Like I would go mute, I wouldn't be able to speak. And he would be like, you have to be able to talk to me. And I would just go totally silent. Mm-hmm. And um, so once I started learning about healthy relationships and secure attachment, I realized that even if I didn't feel, you know, safe and secure, for example, speaking up in that discussion with my husband, I could still do it.

So I think a lot of people, they, they say they think that they can't act secure until they start feeling secure, when really it's the opposite. You start acting secure. Then you start feeling secure eventually because your nervous system catches up and learns, oh, this is safe. [00:56:00] This is safe. So powerful.

Yes. So that's what it was. It was, I healed my attachment style in literally the most simple way possible. It's just before reacting. I paused. I say, what would a woman who was securely attached to? And then I would do that even when it felt very uncomfortable, and then eventually quickly, honestly, I realized that it wasn't that uncomfortable and that actually led to better results and a better relationship, and then that's how that healed.

I think that's so powerful, and it sounds like it was really just a relationship with yourself of being like, Hey, I can be vulnerable and show that. Like, Hey, he might reject me if I like show my feelings or get mad at me, but I'm still okay. Mm-hmm. Again, and like I can be comfortable and that doesn't mean that I'm unsafe.

Yeah. Gosh, our nervous systems, if only they weren't like wired back in our survival days. I know, right? Caught up to modern times. And it all depends on how you were raised too. You know, some people have very [00:57:00] sensitive nervous systems because they had a difficult childhood. Mm-hmm. And then they have to learn to feel safe again.

Yes. And I know we're coming up on time here, so just, you mentioned, I think I saw recently that you were doing more nervous system work. Is that something that, like how has that impacted you? What does that look like? I think nervous system work is honestly one of the best things that you can do for feminine energy.

Mm-hmm. Because in order to really fully tap into your feminine energy, you have to feel safe and nervous. System work at the end of the day is all just about feeling safe in your body. I mean, that's what it is. Mm-hmm. So once you start learning how to be that safety for yourself and for your nervous system to be calm and regulated.

In the everyday, then feminine energy becomes a lot easier to tap into because that masculine energy is our shield and it is our protection. And there are times where we should turn on our masculine energy. You know, let's say we're, um, [00:58:00] walking down the street and something weird happens. Okay, we shouldn't be all open and free flowing and free spirited.

We need to be alert, we need to be conscious of what's going around us. We need our armor up and that's okay, but in everyday life, that's not okay. That becomes unhealthy and will make you unhealthy and unhappy. Mm-hmm. That's okay. I love that. Is there a nervous system, resource that you love that other people might find useful?

Hmm. I've been trying to figure this out for myself. There is a guy on Instagram, his name is like Maston, kipp, think, oh yeah, yeah. I, I've seen him, I like his posts, but I haven't really dug into his stuff, so I'm not sure. I've been doing a lot of just like internal thoughts about this. I think I'm gonna make a video.

On it soon, like how to actually heal your nervous system and the things that I've done, because I think a lot of people do somatic exercises for nervous system work, which I totally get and definitely helps. But I think there's like a [00:59:00] missing layer underneath that a lot of people aren't touching that's truly just about the way that you think and about feeling safe in your body.

Mm. Right. So those for like, for example, if you're shaking right, they tell you to like shake it out if you're feeling stressed. Mm-hmm. And that could be great in the moment, but those are almost like bandaids in a way. Mm-hmm. For when you're having a stressful moment. But if you wanna be regulated in your daily life, it's like you have to go, you have to go through life differently.

You have to see life differently. And your relationship with uncertainty has to change. You have to be more, you have to feel safe in your body and trust that you are okay in whatever you're experiencing right now. And so that's what I've kind of been learning to. Rewiring myself. I think a lot of it is brain rewiring, honestly.

Incredible. Okay, well what, as soon as that video drops, I hope that comes soon, then I'll share it with my audience. I think that'll be out in August or September or so. 'cause I'm actually taking all of July off. [01:00:00] Um, I'm so excited. Feminine energy right there. Yeah. Soft life living. I love it. Are you going anywhere fun?

Are you staying home? I'm gonna go to California for a bit 'cause that's where I'm from. I'm gonna see my family go to the beach and then I'm gonna go home for the other half or you know, stay here for the other half and just honestly chill. Read a book, go to the gym, lay by the pool. Like kind of do nothing.

Watch some tv, watch. Love Island. I love it. Nothing crazy. That's very European of you. I support it. Yeah, I know. I'm summering. Yeah. God, uh, you're inspiring me. Maybe I'll do something like that for myself. Okay, Jills, where can people find you and what offerings do you have that they might find useful?

Yeah, so you can just go to my website, jill scarin.com or find me on YouTube, Jill Scarin. Um, I have a few courses on there, feminine Energy, and then I also have a little masterclass on how to grow on YouTube. But also I do have a quiz that you guys can take and [01:01:00] it can tell you very quickly, it takes like three to five minutes maybe.

It's um, very simple and it tells you if you're in more of your masculine energy or more in your feminine energy and I'm really excited about that. Amazing. Okay, so I will link all those in the show notes below. Jills, thank you so much for joining me a second time. If something happens with this recording, I don't know what I'll do.

Thank you for coming and thank you for having me.