Lead With Love: How to Show Up Well in Every Role | Jan Goss

In this episode, Wendy sits down with Jan Goss, executive consultant, bestselling author, and founder of Show Up Well Consulting. Jan teaches a comprehensive framework for showing up as your whole, aligned self—not just at work, but at home, in relationships, and in every role you hold. She's spent decades building businesses, raising foster children, and discovering that true success isn't about shiny exteriors. It's about alignment, wholeness, and leading with love.

They explore:

• Why self-love and alignment are the foundation for showing up well everywhere
• How love brings cohesion, and the two-degree shifts that help you move toward it
• What it means to show up whole as a parent, partner, executive, and human being

Jan's philosophy is simple but radical: all of you is delicious, including the parts you'd rather hide. She talks about facing fear with compassion, making tiny shifts toward alignment, and discovering that love is a universal protocol that works in the boardroom and the bedroom, in parenting and in marriage. The roadblocks are comparison and fear, but the tools are practical: self-discovery and the willingness to show up as yourself, fully aligned, in every relationship that matters.

Connect with Jan:

Get her book, Bedroom Etiquette: How to Show Up Well Behind Closed Doors: amazon.com/Bedroom-Etiquette-Behind-Closed-Doors/dp/B0DXV7W8S1?tag=syty-20

ShowUpWell.com

Instagram: instagram.com/showupwell

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/showupwell

Referenced in this Episode:

A Course in Miracles Links:

amazon.com/Course-Miracles-Combined-Quality/dp/1883360242?tag=syty-20

marianne.com/acim/

apps.apple.com/us/app/acim-remind/id737568020

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:08

Hi friends, this is Wendy Harrup, and welcome to the Say Yes to Yourself podcast. On the Say Yes to Yourself podcast, you'll hear stories from women just like us who are adding the practice of saying yes in their daily lives in big and small ways, and as a result are experiencing the truth that everybody wins when you say yes to yourself. Saying yes to yourself is a graceful unfolding, an intentional becoming of the very best version of you. It is my hope that in these conversations we are able to find our truth and be inspired and empowered to live our very best lives. I'm so excited to go on this journey with you, and I look forward to finding a bit of our own story in each other's. So I hope you are finding ways to celebrate whatever you find dreamy today. And I thank you so much that a part of what feels good and supportive and dreamy to you is listening to this podcast. So thank you so much. You are in for an absolute treat today. My guest is Jan Goss. And I have to tell you, ever since this interview, which was a few months ago, we have had so many conversations. She's such a love. I I know you are gonna want more of her. So be sure to check the links down in the show notes to connect with her. She has this beautiful alignment assessment coming out that I just did a beta test uh with her for it. And it's so great. And I know you're gonna love it as well. So let me tell you about the fabulous Jan Goss. She is not your average speaker. She is a powerhouse executive, protocol consultant, best-selling author, and media personality who helps leaders lead well, live well, and show up as their very best selves. After the age of 40, she built four successful businesses, including 13 years in real estate, the Austin School of Protocol, then went nationwide as civility consulting. She founded Show Up Well Consulting in 2023 and has never looked back. Please enjoy this uplifting, inspiring, fun conversation with my friend Jan Goss. Jan, I already know this is going to be a phenomenal conversation. I've like stopped you in mid-sentence more than once just so I could hit record and capture this beautiful goodness. I think there's so much richness in these conversations, and I'm honored to be sharing it. I'm honored to be sharing this space with you. Thank you so much for being here.

SPEAKER_03 4:15

Listen, I got to meet you today. I'm so excited. It's so fun.

SPEAKER_00 4:20

Like it's like my new bestie. I got to meet her today. I know it's great. And I saw you briefly in November when you handed me your fabulous book. And I just, I'm so excited to be connected now and so excited about this conversation.

SPEAKER_02 4:37

Me too.

SPEAKER_00 4:38

So let's start by um I would love to know how are you saying yes to yourself in this season?

SPEAKER_02 4:47

What a beautiful question that is. And it only took me like decades to say yes to myself. So I'm not the fastest learner in the class. Let me just raise my hand and say that right up front.

SPEAKER_00 4:59

You're in the right room.

SPEAKER_02 5:00

So many ways I'm saying yes to myself. First of all, I am saying yes to every part of myself. Not just the shiny, cute little Jan Goss that loves to be on camera and on stage and you know, Shirley Temple dance or whatever that is. And I love that part of me. I do. I it's it's God given. And so the piece though that I'm saying yes to myself about is that all of the parts are delicious. Where things grow is in the dirt. That's right. That's where good things grow. You know, so I've been playing making mud pies, I've been playing in the dirt and really looking at all the different aspects and parts of me. And instead of um going into any kind of guilt or blame or shame, loving this beautiful human that I am, this beautiful girl, and I don't mean that in a vanity way at all, it's real, right? Real. It is, it's a true self-love that comes from within that makes you just want to like pink your own cheeks and go, oh my god, I love you, Jandas. I love you so much. Right, right.

SPEAKER_00 6:28

It's that's how I'm saying yes to me right now. I love that, and I love that beautiful definition of that because I think there comes a point in every woman's life, there are many seasons of our lives, but there does come a tipping point, certainly for me, certainly for my listeners, where we're just like taking a pause and saying, wait a minute, what would it look like if I stopped performing? What would it look like if I turned some of this caregiving energy inward? What would it look like to be high on my own supply? What would it be like to be okay?

SPEAKER_02 7:18

Wait, I'm stealing that one. Hold on. You may that's a windyism.

SPEAKER_00 7:22

There is, there it is, because I and I have said this for many years. It's so fun to be me, like it really is, and that has zero to do with perfection. I just am obsessed with my life. I and I was obsessed with my life when it wasn't even as great as it is now, but it was as good. I was reaching for the highest branch I could see, and as I continued to do it. Beautifully said, thank you.

SPEAKER_02 7:55

Beautifully said. Can we just pause on that one? I was reaching for the highest branch I could see, like be kind to ourselves in that process.

unknown 8:03

Right.

SPEAKER_02 8:04

It's we can't blind people can't see. What are you gonna do? Be mad at them because they can't see, including ourselves, right? We can only see what we can see, and so what how beautifully said that was.

SPEAKER_00 8:17

Thank you. My mentor, Kathy Heller, says that all the time, and it does resonate. And once I learned that I didn't have to wait for those branches to be presented to me, I could reach, then my view expanded, my perspective expanded. There is more and more and more here for me, and I am satisfied with what is and I am eager for more.

SPEAKER_02 8:49

So good, so good. It's a life of joy, yes, because it's not a life controlled by external circumstances, and this is learned behavior, correct? So we have to be willing to look at all the parts and see what's working and what is just it's not, you know, it's kind of that Dr. Phil thing, you know, how's that working for you, Jan? You like beating your head against that wall?

SPEAKER_00 9:21

Right. And like you said, to welcome all of those parts with compassion, with great compassion. Like I'm just being so um I am in a beautiful opportunity for growth and expansion with my 12-year-old right now. And it is it's so it's a gorgeous invitation because I'm not 12, right? So I have perspective and when I hear the what I would consider dramatic language associated with the experience, um, I I have compassion for her and I can see like, okay, this is really big to you. This is the biggest thing you can imagine. And I know, and I see you in that, and I just I see you. And I the other thing that I did, and I think that this is also what I can do for myself, what we collectively can do for ourselves, I made a shift in uh my parenting goal that I used to desire information so that I could understand what was going on, so then I could create my action plan. With these bigger feelings and these big words, I have decided that my parenting plan is to create a container that's very supportive to her and that it is not her job to make me understand. Like that is soothing understanding trying to understand, it sounds nice and I meant it nicely until I realized I don't, it's not fair to have her soothe me so that I can soothe her. Like that's just dumb. How about I just create a space where she feels supportive and I stay in my own lane and do my work to soothe myself and in that practice and in that modeling, show her how she can soothe herself as well. It's just this um I've been focusing on this year of this idea of unconditional alignment where I am feeling one with God regardless of what is going on in our country, in my city, in on this airplane, in my house. I want to prioritize my alignment regardless of the situation.

SPEAKER_02 12:25

That's a smart focus. It is, and you're welcome for the therapy session because I think you just had it.

SPEAKER_00 12:32

Yes, you're welcome. Thank you. Yes, it's it's just good to be in this place of expansion. Absolutely. It's a gift, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 12:45

Well, it's happening whether or not you're going with it or not, so might as well learn to go with the flow. Yes, and how are how are you doing that? Thoughtfully, um, contemplatively. I spend a lot of time being quiet. It's a very noisy world. And at this stage and season of my life, I'm not raising 13 kids at a time. I raised over 50 foster children. So my word talk parenting. We could have some combos about that one. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 13:23

We could.

SPEAKER_02 13:24

And I'm not at that season anymore. So I'm I live with myself. My I was widowed in 2020 very suddenly, and um, that shifts everything when you don't have a human in the house with you.

SPEAKER_03 13:41

Right.

SPEAKER_02 13:42

And so it is me and my little Westie, me and my dog. And my life is full. It's full of people, it's full of deliciousness. It's it's a very full life. But I do have the honor and the privilege in this season of life to have time where I can be still and quiet. And that's part of certainly expansion. It's it's what makes me valuable because I can take Wendy and hold space for you because you're running, you're being the taxicab and doing all these things, and it's very important the season that you're in. But just remember it's a season.

SPEAKER_00 14:29

Oh, yes, it is a season. Yes, and I also have that practice in the morning. I get up at 4:45 every morning and I hold that beautiful sacred space for myself. Oh important, and then wake her up at seven. So she gets the very best of me.

SPEAKER_02 14:47

It's a good one. It's like you don't want to be with me if I hadn't had quiet time, right? For sure. You don't want to be with that version of Jan Goss.

SPEAKER_00 14:54

Right. And for and I just want to say, even though I am doing that work, I am still having this parenting experience. Of course. So it's not that, oh, if I just did these three steps, everything in my life would be fabulous. It's I do these steps so that I can be fabulous in everything in my life.

SPEAKER_02 15:20

Exactly. Well, and that is alignment. That is alignment.

unknown 15:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:26

Which is part of show up well. That's a huge piece of what show up well consulting is about, is about alignment. It's individual alignment, it's company alignment, it's team alignment. What would the world look like if everyone actually showed up and showed up well in alignment? But oh my goodness, it's a beautiful world.

SPEAKER_00 15:51

It is. That is delicious. What are you finding are a few of the common roadblocks to people's resistance around showing up well?

SPEAKER_02 16:07

Um, comparison, comparison is a killer. Comparison is a tough one. And especially in the younger generation, I I am so compassionate about I'm passionate and compassionate about protocols and getting connecting correctly. And I think about these children, these young lives, and there is so much comparison. Like we had, I had it growing up, and I'm a grandmother now, and you know, I comparison has been around from the beginning, right? So it's not about eradicating comparison, but they do have more pressure on them because communication levels are so high through electronic devices.

SPEAKER_00 17:06

Sure.

SPEAKER_02 17:07

And so I think you know, showing up well as yourself, if you can take that comparison and actually turn it into, oh, I really like that about them.

unknown 17:21

Right.

SPEAKER_02 17:22

That seems to fit on me too.

unknown 17:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:24

Or, oh, I really don't care for that attribute in that person at all. I want to make sure that like I go and cut that out of my life. I don't want that in my life. So it's kind of this do want, don't want process. And we actually have formulas for that and sessions for that and experiences for that, where you really can get clear about that. But comparison is a problem in terms of people's minds, you know, what goes on with the inner chatter, the monkey brain, as I call it. And then, you know, the big it's fear. Fear is shows up in so many different ways. And so just acknowledging it and learning not to be afraid of fear, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 18:15

Right.

SPEAKER_02 18:15

And really looking at it and going, oh, I feel really, really, really, really, really scared about this. And again, loving yourself enough to be okay with that, playing that mud pie. Right. Like, have fun with it, make mud pies. It's like, oh my gosh, I was so scared. You know, because when you face scary things, and we can do that, then when you get to bigger scary things, the thing that you thought was so scary back there is like meh, meh. It's so easy now. And so it's the same way with the next and the next and the next, and that is expansion. I think, you know, it is human nature that when you're entering into the unknown, of course it feels scary. Sure. Of course it does. So comparison, fear, you know, those are probably the big, the biggies.

SPEAKER_00 19:07

Right. Um, I am uh a part of my morning practice is that I'm a student of a course in miracles, and the whole premise of this text is dismantling a thought system that's based in fear and replacing it with a thought system based on love. And it's now you're getting into my now you're getting into my hot spots, right? It's so good because this it's this understanding that only love exists and everything else is an illusion, like it is a cry for love. So, how can we put on our love glasses as we are looking through this and know that we can either have fear or we can have love and they they can't coexist.

SPEAKER_02 20:04

Exactly. So one of the delicious things that I am excited about is a new initiative through Show Up Well Consulting, and it's called Lead with Love. Because how we show up well in the corporate arena is we lead with love. So we are taking out the delineation between love belongs in your personal life. Right. Not in your professional life. Okay, hold on, hold on. Do you want people to love their job or hate their job? Do you want them to love their employer or hate their employer? There is so much room to live a life of love where it's not soft. I'm talking value systems, I'm talking appreciation. I'm talking employees showing up and showing up well because they are excited because they feel valued in the marketplace. And what do you think that does to a company's bottom line? So when you begin to bring love, brings cohesion, fear separates, love brings cohesion. So so many companies, when I think about them, the ones that I've had the honor to work with, it's kind of like this okay, I'm single now. So I'm thinking this big gorgeous guy. Yes. Forgive me my brain, but that's all right. No, I love it. I'm single now too. I'll look at your big gorgeous guy. You know, and he's he's all that and a bag of chips, and he looks so good, but on the inside, his bones are disjointed.

SPEAKER_03 21:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:40

So I think we've done that in business where we try to be really shiny on the outside and not just in business and personal life too, but my focus is in the business sector. And so we built these shiny businesses, but the systems aren't in place or things are so disjointed. And the Oil that keeps things moving is love, appreciation, gratitude. So bringing these spiritual principles into the workplace is an absolute recipe for success.

SPEAKER_00 22:21

Absolutely. I couldn't agree more. And especially as you were mentioning the a younger generation entering the workforce that the old way of doing everything is not working. Our old parenting, our old way of education, our old way of life as we know it, it's not working.

SPEAKER_02 22:46

Bye, dinosaur.

SPEAKER_00 22:48

Right. And the way to usher it in, and the way to be successful always, no matter what, is to lead with love. Can you explain the difference? Because I know sometimes we think that love means tolerance. And we're not talking about tolerating bad behavior and just putting a happy face sticker on it. So can you explain the difference in how you are coaching and consulting your clients?

SPEAKER_02 23:27

Sure. So it's the idea of lead with love. If we begin to just raise the consciousness and the awareness that that's the foot we step out on, you lead with love and appreciation and love are very, it's almost the same vibration that you're putting out. And so when you lead with that, so say you have an employee and they have some bad behavior going on. So you lead with, you know, Wendy, first of all, I want you to know how much I appreciate your blah la la. But I mean coming from a place of appreciation, not flowers and not fake. You can't fake out this next generation. Nope. They don't fake. And so, but they do know when it's resonating, when you really mean it, like here's what you've done well. And this is in complete alignment with our company culture because we show up well. And here's how you have shown up well. What I see is out of alignment is ABC. This is not in alignment with leading with love or showing up well.

SPEAKER_03 24:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:44

And so what do you see? See, it's a more hands-on, compassionate approach. It might take five minutes longer, a little bit longer, but the result is true transformation because either, you know, if you're rubbing the cats fur the wrong way, let the cat turn around, give them a give them a chance to turn around. And if not, maybe they're not a right fit. And that's okay too. Totally. So when I come on as a consultant, I'm very clear and frank in these discussions that either you fit in with the show up well culture, you sign on for the show up well. This is a company culture is not just a slogan. Right. It is building an organization from the inside out and where you speak the same language. Right. And so if people aren't on board for that, there is no blame, shame, or guilt. That's the number one rule in show up well. And the show up well world, there's no blame, not allowed, no shame and no guilt. So when you take those out and then you have conversations, it's easy to lead with love and then let people have the dignity of the power of choice to make choices about their own life. But you hold strong the boundaries of your company culture.

SPEAKER_00 26:18

Right.

SPEAKER_02 26:19

So that's how that works.

SPEAKER_00 26:21

I love it. And as like I said, I'm in this parenting situation. And I'd love that that model it works for every aspect of our life. And you know, I'm not necessarily offering a severance package to Amelia. She thinks this is not the organization for her. Right. But but she there's a role in it. It's saying this is how our family is functioning.

SPEAKER_02 26:52

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 26:53

How my home is functioning.

SPEAKER_02 26:55

The clarity up front.

SPEAKER_00 26:57

Right. And and this, these are the expectations you can have of me. These are the expectations I have of you. Is there anything you would like to edit? This is the conversation we are actually having this afternoon as I created my agreements today. And is there is there anything you want to edit? And how are we going to enter into this 12th year of your life? Well, 13th year of her life. She just turned 12. To do this well, to do this so that we are growing and expanding. Because things are things change. Things change in the dynamics of our relationships. We change. And not everyone is gonna get on board with our growth and expansion. And sometimes this is the opportunity for them to choose a different path. Not available for Amelia, but it was available for her dad. And he chose a different path.

SPEAKER_02 28:02

Okay.

unknown 28:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:04

Okay. Well, and such is life.

SPEAKER_00 28:07

Mm-hmm. Right. And you know, you were talking about no place for fear in these situations. And fear, we can be afraid of fear, we can avoid fear, or we can look at what is this revealing to me. We know the acronym, you know, false evidence appearing real. And sometimes when we hear that so much, it doesn't land anymore. But I heard um a woman who was on the podcast several months ago, Alice Sabig, said that fear is courage wanting to be heard.

SPEAKER_02 28:50

Well said.

SPEAKER_00 28:51

Which I think is so fascinating. Like, what am I? Sometimes we do think that we're looking for answers or we're looking for a decision, but what we are really looking for is courage.

SPEAKER_02 29:07

That's good. And you know, that being said, it really is the spirit behind the words.

unknown 29:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:16

It's the spirit behind whether it's your preteen child or it's the CEO of a company or an employee. It is the it's like I could say, I love you. Do you understand me? I love you. And you're like, I'm feel very loved right now. Right. Same words, I love you. I love you. Same words. What is the spirit behind it? What's the emotion behind it? And there's a time for all of it. There is a time to be really pissed off. Can I say that on your podcast? Okay. So there is a time when it's like, no, this is such an injustice, and this is, you know, this is the spirit behind it. It's all part of the experience.

SPEAKER_01 30:08

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 30:09

But there are protocols. I graduated from the Protocol School of Washington in DC. I grew up in a military family. I understand protocols, and they're very important. What is an IP address? If the IP address isn't right, it's not going to connect.

unknown 30:29

Right.

SPEAKER_02 30:30

And so we have so much disconnect because we're speaking different languages. That's why when we come down and boil it down to the language of love, that is a universal language. That protocol never fails. It's in the B I B L E Love Never Fails. Right? It is a protocol that works. And so the bottom line of showing up well as a parent, as an employer, as an employee, as a sister, brother, whatever your role may be is that you show up in this world as you. So that takes some self-discovery. The age-old question, who am I? How are you, how are you going to show up as yourself if you don't even know who you are? But in a corporate setting, if you take on a role that this is how I'm going to show up as HR director, I'm I'm taking this on, this thumbprint, then don't just show up. You show up well. You go the extra mile, you do the extra two degree, you show up wholeheartedly. And you don't have to use a lot of words then as HR director because your presence is enough. You've already shown up well.

SPEAKER_00 32:09

Right. Right. And your example speaks louder than your words.

SPEAKER_02 32:14

We wear our company culture. We wear it as leaders.

SPEAKER_00 32:25

I love that you took this model and you moved it from the boardroom to the bedroom.

SPEAKER_02 32:33

Fun stuff.

SPEAKER_00 32:34

Say more.

SPEAKER_02 32:36

Bedroom etiquette, how to show up well behind closed doors.

SPEAKER_01 32:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:41

Well, Wendy, it got a little old working with executive teams all across the country and seeing the same fallacy. That there was so much energy going into showing up well at work, which is great. We want you to show up well at work. But what about when you walk in your door? What about behind closed doors with your person? This is your person, your primary person in your life. And what I was seeing is people were building businesses, they were making a lot of money, millions and millions of dollars, and their home life was falling apart. And so the concept came to me. What if you treated your wife as if she were your best client? What if you treated her? It's like, wait, wait, wait, the big client's coming today. Hold on. Wait, let's do something special. I want to look my best. I want to be my best. I want to show up my best. Why not? Like, how would you market to her? And it works both ways. But how would you market to your person? Well, how about the service after the sale? Come on. You know, okay, so you got what you wanted. Now what? Then what about, you know, the the fortunes and the follow-up? That's right. You gotta follow up and stay consistent, or you're going to lose that client because you didn't show up well for them.

unknown 34:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:25

And that's on you. That's not on them. And so anyway, it was heartbreaking because we, you know, we know the stats. We know you know personally, it's heartbreaking. So my sister is a therapist, best in the world, and she actually is a sex therapist and has um does relationship therapy. Okay. And so we brainstormed about this idea, and and she's, you know, I took much wisdom from her. Sure. And put it in little in silos. And what I saw was so simple conversation starters about the different aspects of your personal life, of your intimate life together, and how that tied in with your self-development. You can't show up well for your partner if you're not showing up well for yourself. You can only go as high exteriorly as you have gone interiorly. So, like for an example, I know I had a client who was, she had been married for I can't tell you how long. We'll get real here. She was embarrassed to be naked physically in front of her husband. Okay. That had nothing to do with him, but she wasn't able to show up well for her husband because of her own insecurities and you know, feelings about herself and inadequacies. And, you know, anyway, women, we do that. I know every little cellulite on my body and every little wrinkle and every little whatever. Like we do that. So show up well in terms of behind closed doors, bedroom etiquette. All I'm doing is putting some protocols in place, helping you communicate with each other well. And it's fun. There's nothing, you know, people get all goosey about this book. It's like, oh, I don't I don't want anyone to see me reading it like it's like some racy thing. And and the truth is, every chapter begins with a writing from the Song of Songs. And it it is based on ancient text, on on universal truths so that you can show up well for your partner. Everything from setting the stage in your bedroom, what does it look like, feel like, all the way to yes, the last chapter is called a happy ending. Yes, it is. And so, because a happy ending at the end of any of our days is when we can lay our head on the pillow and know that I showed up my best today. That's a happy ending to a day.

SPEAKER_00 37:25

Absolutely. How um I'm not done with the book, but I have the book. How would you suggest and do you suggest in the book how to get started? I mean, obviously, like I'm reading it now, so I will use those principles for my future fabulous French who's on the way who already owns a chateau that I met in the first class lounge. Um also loves Jesus, and uh we're on our way to a workshop that works black guy. Um, and so I I understand preemptively learning these things and to to show up differently and to show up well than in the past, but how, for example, with that one client shifting our practices within an existing container, it is it can feel very, very scary. You would think, oh, it's safe, it's known, or but no, it's scary because you're so vested, and maybe you have also been so distanced that any movement toward connection is a realization of the distance, and that for me and my personal experience, that was something that I was very interested in investigating and remedying distance and read the book, read the book, yeah. And my ex-husband was not interested. So, how are you um helping your reader, helping your client move through that?

SPEAKER_02 39:24

Very good question, you know. Um, when I was a little girl, I had nightmares from watching The Wizard of Oz because I have a really tender heart, and the witch scared me so bad. And so I had nights nightmares when I was a little girl, and I would wake up and be frozen. I my body could not move, I was literally frozen with fear. And what I learned is if I could just wiggle my toe, it would break. If I could just move my hand, because I was frozen. Sure. But if I could just do a little move my pinky finger, it would break off of me. It's very similar. When you're standing naked in front of the mirror and loathing yourself, or can't even maybe even look at yourself, you're frozen. But if you could just look at one thing about yourself and admire it, just one, just one. Just even know that this body, look at the miles of blood vessels that are in this body and all of the systems that work all the time and how our lungs function and our heart beats and are just begin to appreciate one tiny thing. So we begin with what we call two-degree shifts. I'm not asking you to climb this whole mountain. I'm asking you to just make a tiny two-degree shift. Can you just like your, you know, all my family, we got these lips. I love them. Like my I have them, my kids have them, my grandkids have them. Like it's such a blessing. And so, can you just love one thing? Like one thing. Just appreciate it about yourself. So it begins with a tiny shift, and then there are actually questions at the end of each chapter to help you connect with your partner. Oh, that's really scary. But you don't have to do it. You just read it out of a book. You just read a question. So, and it's very simple. There's nothing deep or traumatic about this book. It's lighthearted, it's fun, it's informational. It's the the job of bedroom etiquette is to help couples connect, to start conversation, just begin the conversation. It's I I have a neighbor around the corner who told me, she goes, Jan Goss, when you walk by and our windows are all fogged up, it's your fault. And I went, Good, that's a good fault. I'll take that. And they've been married like 40 something years, you know. And she said, that book really brought a spark back into our relationship. And it's I'm like, okay, I'm take me home, Jesus. I'm done.

SPEAKER_00 42:12

Right.

SPEAKER_02 42:13

So rewarding, yes.

SPEAKER_00 42:15

Yes, because sometimes those, you know, sometimes that is what happens. And sometimes that's the opportunity to realize that this relationship is no longer serving. Yeah, and that is also a time for brave action for courage and for love and for showing up for yourself well. And it's no joke. I mean, I I sat in the question of my marriage for about nine months before I had my courageous conversation. And that my morning practice completely sustained me in that time. And so I was able to work through what was next for me and to feel really supported by God in that, which that was a whole other unlearning and relearning because if God hates divorce, then what do I think I'm doing? Number two.

SPEAKER_02 43:34

Well, we bump up against belief systems, and then you have to decide what you're gonna do with that.

SPEAKER_00 43:39

Exactly. And love is always the answer, always that's right. It's true, it's true, and so I'm all I'm saying is that I get that these are either super easy or really hard. Like I understand, and and what we can. can anchor into and what we can come home to ourselves with is this foundation of love that if this is feeling scary and we know that fear is the opposite of love get out your pencil and your journal and say hey Wendy just move your pinky finger just move your little finger yes take one tiny step yes and I would say hey Wendy this is fear and this is what I want you to know and I would write all of those things that I'm afraid of because once they're out of my body they lose their power I can acknowledge them and I can move through I can move from feeling um helpless or powerless or depressed or whatever I can maybe even move into anger or rage or blame and then but I'm gonna keep moving up as I get it out of my body through my hand.

SPEAKER_02 45:09

And easy for us as writers not everyone functions that way.

SPEAKER_00 45:12

Right, right but I also then would follow it up what does love want me to know and that is listening to all the parts of ourselves listening to the fear and then soothing that part of us I mean every time I listen to my fear it's a much younger version of myself. It is not my future self never shows up as fear.

SPEAKER_02 45:43

We get tough as old birds the older we get listened.

SPEAKER_00 45:46

I am I am living truth right but I have certainty my future self she calls me forward she's never the one that's afraid so I can soothe younger Wendy I can soothe little Wendy and the love in me and the love for me is what's calling me forward and that practice slows everything down. It slows my thoughts down it slows time down and it allows me to not only recognize what's playing on repeat in my mind but it allows me to recalibrate to what I know to be true. Yes that's how it works. It's so good.

SPEAKER_02 46:36

And there you have it folks so good.

SPEAKER_00 46:41

Oh my gosh. Okay Looney Tunes presents that's right and there's our song and dance. So exactly I could obviously talk to you all day I love everything that you're doing everything that you're standing for everything that you're sharing so abundantly graciously and with truth and passion please tell everyone where they can find and follow you how they can get their copy of the book all the good things.

SPEAKER_02 47:13

Sure well show up well please put that in your mind and remember not just so that you remember me or connect with me but do it for yourself. Remember show up well and I can be reached at showupwell.com I can be found at show up well on just about any platform that you ever go to it's at show up well and I would love to connect directly with you with you the listener I do have time for you I make time for you we figure out how that works sometimes it's in a group setting because there's only one of me but we make time for you and someone does care. We you have Wendy you have Jan we truly do care about you and what's going on in your world and your life and we have the tools to help you show up well that is true and say yes to yourself in the process.

SPEAKER_00 48:18

Exactly so good. We will link all of that down in the show notes but thank you so much for your time I really love this conversation.

SPEAKER_02 48:27

My pleasure it's fun we'll do it again.

SPEAKER_00 48:30

I can't wait I hope you enjoyed that conversation as much as I did. As always any links or notes mentioned can be found at PhineasRighthouse.com in the podcast section of our site or in the show notes below. And if you haven't connected with me personally, come find me on Instagram at PhineasRighthouse and let me know you listened to this episode. I'd love to get to know you. Thank you for sharing this time with me. I know your days are full and I'm really grateful that you chose to spend some of your precious time right here. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast so you don't miss any of these delightful conversations. I'll see you next week