The 72-Hour Practice to Manifest a New Life | Riana Malia

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Riana Malia works as what she calls an identity architect for high-achieving women, helping them clear the old subconscious patterns running the show long before anyone notices, so they can actually build the life they're reaching for instead of quietly recreating the one they already have. She and Wendy walk through the exact tool she hands her private clients to do it: two lists, a rubber band, and 72 hours. 

They explore:

• Why old patterns keep sabotaging results years after the moment that created them, and how that "residue" gets stored in the body at a cellular level, not just the mind
• The real-time example from Riana's own life (a business relationship blowing up the morning of this interview) and the difference between treating it as something happening to her versus something happening for her
• How the 72-hour rubber band practice works step by step, and why three days is enough to start building a new neural pathway instead of reinforcing the old one

Riana's work isn't about excavating the old story to explain why someone feels stuck. It's about clearing the pattern out of the body first, then giving the mind something new and specific to build toward in love, in money, in work, in whatever's next.

Connect with Riana:

Instagram: instagram.com/rianamalia

RianaMalia.com

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/rianamalia

The Extraordinary Love Index: taketheeli.com

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Connect with Wendy:

Linkedin
Instagram: @wendy.harrop
Facebook: Phineas Wright House

Website: Phineas Wright House
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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:08

Hi friends! This is Wendy Harrup and welcome to the Say Yes to Yourself podcast. On the Say Yes to Yourself podcast, you'll hear stories from women just like us who are adding the practice of saying yes in their daily lives in big and small ways, and as a result are experiencing the truth that everybody wins when you say yes to yourself. Saying yes to yourself is a graceful unfolding, an intentional becoming of the very best version of you. It is my hope that in these conversations we are able to find our truth and be inspired and empowered to live our very best lives. I'm so excited to go on this journey with you, and I look forward to finding a bit of our own story in each other's. But it's going to be so fun because instead of renting a chateau for my clients to stay at, you'll be staying at my house, which is so fun. And we have people that are already signing up. So space is limited. If that is in your heart, please click the link down in the show notes and see if your uh heart's desire and your calendar align. And I would love to have you uh join me at the Cognac Jewelry School for one of our foundations or collection weeks. So, so fun. And oh my gosh, speaking of fun, today's guest, she's so cool. In fact, I was so captivated by her generosity, sharing so much of her work, so much of her processes. I felt like I was just listening to her podcast. So I know you are going to want to get your pen and paper. You are going to love all of these gorgeous nuggets from Rihanna Malaya. She is an identity architect for high-achieving women, a sought-after speaker, and the creator of clear to create method and the quantum pattern protocol, two transformational frameworks that have helped hundreds of women clear emotional residue, rewire subconscious patterns, and reclaim the love, life, and legacy they were truly meant for. She's known for blending neuroscience, emotional repatterning, and quantum healing. Rihanna guides ambitious women who have done the work but still feel stuck, especially in love. She's so cool. I know you are going to love this conversation with Rihanna and Malaya. Rihanna, I am so looking forward to this conversation. Thank you so much for being here. Absolutely. My pleasure. Thank you for having me. Of course. Um, I just realized in this moment that I forgot to ask my last guest the question that I'm supposed to ask everybody. So I'm gonna start with it now. How are you saying yes to yourself in this season? That's a really interesting question.

SPEAKER_02 5:14

This week is wild. The universe is like, hmm, well, we're gonna do this a different way. Um I say that just literally because it's happening in real time. Right. We've been doing it a certain way with certain teams, certain people, and all of a sudden things kind of blow up, and you're like, oh my God. And then the the the process of like, okay, how am I gonna figure this out? To I bet this is probably a huge gift. And whether you know it's God or the universe or your angels or whatever you believe in as you're listening to this, or all of the above, oftentimes, right, we we think we know that this is the thing, this is what we want, and this is the how we're gonna do it. And then God and the universe and the angels say, Well, but I have this other thing that's meant for you over here, and you're really comfortable where you are, so you're not gonna come over here on your own. So I'm gonna I'm gonna burn it down so that you come over here and have them the wonderful thing that was actually meant for you. So, like that's literally today what's happening in my world. Wow. And the other thing that I'm saying yes to is, you know, just not being available for the panic and the chaos anymore. And when I talked about slow morning, we before we started our interview, slow mornings, and there's this sense, especially for high capacity women, where we wake up and it's like, and I still like look at my phone and I look at Slack, but I I'm like, okay, but I can stay in my bed and do that. I don't have to jump up and get ready, get into my office. And it's just like having that permission to say, you know what, if I want to work in my bed and scroll and respond to 19 and then get up and go to my office, like that's okay. So I'm I'm saying yes to calm, decisive, intentional energy and not reactive, chaotic, brantic energy, if that makes any sense.

SPEAKER_00 7:08

Oh my gosh, it makes gorgeous sense. And yes, please, to more of that. And you are 100% in the right room because those are all of the pillars that are important to us in this community as well. It's so beautiful. So thank you, first of all, just for being so generous and sharing what's happening in real time. And I know that you know, having the intention of calm and having the experience of calm takes practice. So I'm really eager to hear like how have you learned what tools do you implement to have an experience, like you said, that feels like the whole thing just got blown up and now you're being redirected into another area. You know, so often we think, oh my gosh, this is happening, this happened to me, and then this happened to me, and this has happened to me. And it sounds like you're operating more from the space of this is happening for me, and what do I need to see in this? What's going to be helpful for me to focus on so that we can keep this train going? Because you're obviously already doing the work, you're already have the business, so you know it's not the business that's burning down, but just this redirection.

SPEAKER_02 8:35

Yeah, but interestingly, like it is part of like it's it's not awesome business itself, but it's you know, a main person that has been with me for years that I've had this kind of attachment to like, well, I can't do any of that stuff, right? And I don't want to. Let's be clear. Like it that's not my thing. I'm gonna go take care of all these incredible women. You take care of this technical stuff, right? But we get into that thing where it's like, I don't even know what what he does, you know, like fully. And that's dangerous, right? That's that's on me. Like, that's like if we're gonna take radical responsibility, like you know, that's just not smart as a business owner, as a CEO. Anyway, lessons learned. But it's it is a that part of like, oh my gosh, okay. And the the flipping that from you know, have things happening to you to for you is critical. Uh part of what I teach is being a magnet for miracles in my work. And so as my values as a as a person and in my business are love, impact generosity, the belief in what's possible, and being a magnet for miracles. And, you know, again, in all transparency, I was awake at like 3.07 this morning, got this message on Slack and went, what am I gonna do? Yeah. And through through the hours since then, it's like, okay, there's so much happening energetically and up-leveling in in my world and the work that I do as an as a board-certified integrative neurosomatic practitioner and identity architect for high achieving women, it's you know, it's my up-level too. It's that identity where we have gotten to where we are and there's this next version of us. And it's kind of the same thing. Like where my business has grown, everybody that's been a part of it has been incredible. And I'm so grateful for all of it. And it's time for them to go do something else, et cetera. So that piece of it is critically important because as we know, right, we think between like 65,000 and 85,000 thoughts every day. And 90% of those thoughts are recycled. So they're the same things that you said and thought about yesterday and day before, and especially around those things like this always happens to me, or this never happens for me, or every person I meet is like this, and every relationship I get in is this, and there's never a parking spot, like whatever it is for you, right? But 75% of those thoughts are negative. And what people don't realize is the unconscious mind can't, it doesn't hear the don't, right?

unknown 10:59

Right.

SPEAKER_02 11:00

Don't want this financial situation. I don't want to be in another relationship where I don't feel valued and cherished. I don't, I don't, I don't. Well, guess what? Guess what you're gonna get? All you're gonna get is is more of that. So it's it's why, like when we look at my methodology, it's we have to clear before we can create, right? We have to clear the story to create the life. Everybody says, I want a different story. And I say, Great, quit telling the old one, first of all. And we have to clear the patterns to create the partnerships. We want those amazing relationships romantically, personally, professionally, with our family, with our friends. But when we bring all of that old subconscious, old patterns, old ways of thinking, old old neurology, we don't get those partnerships. We get more of the things that we don't want because that's what we're talking about.

unknown 11:49

Right.

SPEAKER_02 11:50

And we have to clear the cycles to create the confidence, right? Everything is cyclical. And when we look at life, it's really interesting. And I'm gonna do this today because I'm like, huh. Because everybody has either like a seven or a nine-ish cycle when you look at at your life. And it's not a perfect science, but for the most part. And so like I want to look at what's happened in the last in my life, seven and nine years. Like, are there is there stuff that's have like is there clear, like literally clearing of stuff to create what's next? And I bet there is, but also then we have evidence that the all the voice in our head, right? If it's relationships, then it's like, well, um there's something wrong with me. I'm not, you know, I don't get to have that kind of love, or I'm not worthy of it, or I'm unlovable, or the money stuff or the health stuff. Because we said, Well, I thought I knew, and look how that turned out. So we don't trust ourselves, so we gotta clear those cycles, right, to create that confidence, and we have to clear the resentment to create the results. Most high-achieving women almost get what they want. And then they say, Why is it why am I self-sabotaging? Why am I resisting? And the bigger question is, what are you resenting?

SPEAKER_00 13:05

They're that. Oh my gosh, Queen. I just want to listen to your podcast. Like, this is so I don't have one. Oh, wait, I'm supposed to be thinking of something to say, and I'm like, I want to just grab my pencil and write this all down. It's so I'm 100% agree, believe every single thing that you're saying. I love that for me, it's something that I've learned, but to hear it from someone who's teaching it, obviously, you can communicate it in such a beautiful way that makes everyone want to pick up their pen and like hit pause and write that down again. So this is so gorgeous. So I'm thank you for being here. Thank you for sharing your brilliance because all the words that you're saying are what I'm trying to say to the listeners, right? But without the framework that you've created. So please tell us how do we clear? And so, you know, like you're saying, there are these cycles, these seven, nine-year cycles, and sometimes we think the clearing is happening to us. We think, you know, we know it's happening for us, but we haven't instigated it consciously. So, how do we do this reframe so that we can create our best lives? How do you look at what you're resenting without feeling paralyzed by that's such a big question?

SPEAKER_02 14:54

So, I think for context, before I even answer it, I just want to give a little visual about the unconscious and conscious mind. Because if you're listening to this and you're like, I just don't want you to miss a piece because I didn't give you this context. So I want you to think about your body. And I want you to think about your body and everything from the neck up is your conscious mind, right? It is everything we know, we know. It's our critical faculties, it's our goal setter. We use it all day long. It's 10%, which means the rest of your body, everything from the neck down, the other 90% is your unconscious mind. So if the conscious is the goal setter, the unconscious is the goal getter. It's the operating system. It's the general, but most importantly, in my opinion, it is the literal library of everything we've ever experienced in our entire life. And it's all held at a cellular level, right? And we know now that memory is cellular, right? Science. And we think about memory being the brain, and it, of course, it lives in the circuitry, but it's cellular, right? We see that in so many examples, like generational stuff in animals. We see it in organ transplants. Somebody hated pickles, and then they all of a sudden they're craving pickles all the time, and they found out the person's chart that they received that was their favorite food, whatever it is, right? Memory is cellular. And when we don't clear it properly and it stays in here, we see things manifest in the body and in the physical overwhelm, anxiety, depression, you know, confusion, being paralyzed, uh, you know, emotionally, mentally, autoimmune disorders, disease, illness, injury, all of it. The really important thing to understand about the work that I do is we're not going back into the story of any of it that caused the pain and the drama and the trauma in the first place. So the therapy and all the things, they all are beneficial. If you're ready, like lying in the sand, ready to really clear so you can create the life and the love and all the things that's meant for you. You have to be able to stop going back and telling a story. And so when you go back and you unpack the thing again from your marriage or your divorce or the thing that happened when you were seven and you brought home a spelling test and somebody said, Oh, you gotta be, you can do better. And you go, Oh, I have to be perfect. Yeah, love. I got it. Like all of those crazy things we're not doing. We don't need to. So having said all that, and now being able to understand the power of the unconscious mind, because here's the thing we cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created it. It's impossible. So all the things that we feel like are problems that aren't working in the way that they could or should in our life, we can't solve that problem with the same mind that created it. We gotta do it differently. So we clear, we create, and then we claim. And what does that even mean? So before we can clear anything, we have to get crystal clear. And that's one of the biggest things that I see, right? Is people they're like, I want this and this and this. Okay, so tell me more. Well, you know, this, this, this. Okay, got it. What does that mean for you? Well, I don't know. I just want somebody that's, you know, a great partner. Okay, what does that mean for you? So we go deep in what I call the knowing. And it's like we deep values elicitation and non-negotiables and desires. And then from that, I create this amazing thing and give it to you called the Clarity Codex, which is all of those things at the deepest level reflected back to you, but it becomes your menu. And here's what I mean it's like if we went to lunch together or dinner and we sat down at a restaurant and the server came by and said, What can I bring you? And we said, Well, we're thirsty, so we need something to drink and a salad to start, and some protein and whatever your fabulous vegetable is today. Okay, great, amazing. And they bring us an iced tea and a Caesar salad and a lovely roasted chicken and some beautiful glazed carrots, and we got exactly what we ordered. The issue there is that what we wanted was a glass of Pinot and an arugula salad with figs and goat cheese and a beautiful filet and some roasted asparagus. Exactly. This is why most people they almost get it, but they don't. And why is everyone else? Why do they get to have this? Why do they get to have this? So we start with clarity that you've never had. And from that we get to build. So once we have that clarity, the other thing that does is it takes away that internal nervousness or lack of confidence about being able to trust yourself because here's why. Once you have that, let's say we're talking about relationships, right? Or in life in general, it doesn't really matter, but you will know in a conversation if somebody is actually worthy to get to be in your world in your life, rather than spending weeks and months and freaking years, let's be honest, to then come to find out that you know, this person like this isn't a this isn't a fit, the values don't line up. Because if the values aren't there and there's anything on that non-negotiables list, or not on it, depending on the context, it's a clean no. And what that does is free you up from that is this a red flag? Am I being too picky? Is this a good idea? Should I go into business with this version? It's all gone. In minutes, you can make that decision. And when you get to make a clean yes or a clean no decision, it takes you out of the middle, which is that paralysis, which is that I call the devil. It's where all the friction and the noise and the decision fatigue lives, which for most people, then you either make a decision out of fear or you don't make one at all. And then you are not in your power of making choices in life. You are now at the mercy of, which puts you back into that whole kind of like the victim piece, right?

unknown 20:45

Right.

SPEAKER_02 20:45

And so it is really important to understand that when you have that menu, if you will, you get to make value-striven decisions in every area of your life. And it becomes, it changes the game. So once we have that, then we do a dysfunction detox and we actually clear all of the stuff that's keeping you from the life that you want. All the old voices in your head, the limiting beliefs, then all the neurology, the strategy. When I say strategy, I want to be clear, I'm not talking about strategic planning in a business sense. I am talking about the human strategy, which we have a strategy for everything. We have a strategy for grocery shopping, we have a strategy for sex, we have a strategy for taking a walk. It's how the brain knows the steps of something and what to do. And some of it serves us well, and a lot of it's really dysfunctional. You think about things like procrastination or self-sabotage or whatever, it's all a strategy. Good news is we can blow it out. Even if you've been procrastinating, I'm a procrastinator for 40 years. Okay, great. How would you like to get rid of that in an hour? But the thing about that, too, that's we taught we touched on is releasing all of that charge and that negative energy. That's in the body. And so if you think about those negative emotions, anger, sadness, fear, guilt, shame, and then the limiting beliefs, right? I'm not enough. I'm too old. It's too late for me. I'm not worthy of that. Whatever. Whatever the things, the uns and the lesses that you mostly don't say out loud, every single one of them has their own ribbon or piece of string or whatever comes to your mind. And lifetime, every time that we have a significant emotional experience with each of those emotions, a marble goes on the ribbon. So today, something happens that makes us feel sad or angry or fearful or guilty, whatever. It's not the today thing. It's the 30, 40, 50, 60 years of marbles behind it. Right? It's that the gestalt. And using a methodology that I use, we get to release all of that without going back into no conscious memory of anything that was painful. It's very, it's peaceful, peaceful, and painless. And what that means is now you have room for what is meant for you, for what you actually want, right? It's like um a closet or a pantry. My pantry is was ridiculous and it's ridiculous again. But a few months ago, I mean, I just turned 50, a little ADD, a little perimenopause. I love organization and also stuff gets piles up around me, and I just want to shut the door and forget about it, right? Right. And the pantry was like a disaster. So I took everything out and I put it in the kitchen and I cleaned out the pantry, and then I was going through all the stuff, and there was like expired boxes of pasta and crackers and chicken broth and whatever. So I threw all that expired stuff away, half opened things, whatever. And then what was left, I put back and it was all organized and looked amazing. It was so easy to like find stuff. It's the same in here. All those expired ways of thinking and processing and those old identities that we are still operating from that don't match who we are today and who we're becoming. All of that needs to be thrown out. So we do that in this dysfunction detox. And now we have this level of clarity you've never had. We've blown out all this neurology and strategy, behavior, and all the things. Now we get to go, okay, who are you now? Like, who are you now? Who are you really? Away from the titles and the labels and the noise and the society stuff. Like, you know, maybe you're in a in a transition because your kids went out to college and you're an empty nester and you're like, I don't know who the heck I am. I I was mom first, or you're going through a divorce, or you've gone all of a sudden find yourself at 50, having to have a career pivot. Like, who are you now? And between now and dead, what do you actually want? And then we get to move into the create phase. And this is where we get to start playing in that space. But most importantly, we talked about the dysfunction detox, we blow all that stuff out. Well, we have to replace it, right? Because otherwise you end up in this maddening loop of, and this is where I think a lot of this work fails people and it can be dangerous because you have all of this awareness and you get these aha's and it feels really good. And you're like, but now what do I do with it? Because if you don't replace the neurology and the behavior and the ways of thinking, guess what happens? The unconscious mind can't fill in the blank. It's why people are saying to me, I've been in therapy for years, I've done all the work and it felt so good. And then this thing happened, and bam, I went back to like who I was 10 years ago. Why? Because we didn't replace it. So we do that. And now that we've gotten clear and cleared out all the stuff and given you the strategy and the neurology and the behavior and we rewired your brain. Now we're going to look at what it is that you actually want and create an absolute way for you to have it, to get it, to live it. And so we reverse engineer whatever your goals are, whether we're talking about a trip to Fiji or a relationship or a business or health, doesn't matter. We reverse engineer that in a way that we ask the question what has to happen just before that? What has to happen just before starting at the end? Because the unconscious mind can't fill in the blank. So trick traditional when we're talking about goals or things that we want, we're like, okay, great. Between now and the end of the year, I want to book a trip to Paris. Paris. Beautiful. And so we say, great, what do we have to do? Well, we gotta figure out dates and we gotta look at flights and blah, blah, blah. All right, fabulous. That's why 99% of people set goals, never achieve them, and then beat themselves up for yet another thing they didn't do. Because you miss 84% of the steps when you do it that way. And so, you know, because the brain doesn't know the difference between something that's actually happened and something that happens with all the senses and visualizing, we actually start at the moment before. So, what I would ask you, Wendy, is all right, December 31st, 2026, or sooner I'm celebrating booking this trip to Paris. Amazing. What has to happen right before you could send me a text and say, trip is booked?

SPEAKER_00 27:22

Well, I do this all the time. I have so many trips to Paris between now and the 26th. So I can tell you what I've been doing for the last few months, but um, I have to purchase the plane ticket.

SPEAKER_02 27:34

So I'm gonna take it even more migraine. Yeah, the literal second before you could say it's done, in that moment of how do you know you're there? Maybe you get an email from your travel advisor that says, Your villa's booked, your flights are booked, here's your itinerary, you're waiting tomorrow. Right. And in that moment, then I ask, okay, using all the senses. Like, what do you what do you see? Are you looking at your phone? What do you hear? Somebody in the room with you? What do you smell? What are you touching anything? And that ignites the particular activating system in the brain, which becomes laser focused to look for the things and the resources and the people and the opportunities. So you actually get to go to Paris, right? So it's that kind of level of rewiring because everything that we give our brain, everything we think or say, it's like we give our GPS in the car, and I say that example because I have no sense of direction and I have to use it all the time. But it's like you give it an address and it takes you there. So when we say things or even think things like, well, it never works out for me anyway. I don't know why I'm so excited about this job or this relationship. And going on this date, everybody I meet is the same. They're all blah, blah, blah. Like, literally, that's the instructions that you just gave. And your unconscious mind will never make you a liar. Right. So all those things that you say, it's like, okay, got it. I'm I have to make sure that I do that. Which then puts us into like beautiful claim phase where you get to own and integrate and embody all of this. And when you own this new identity, this new way of living for you, this new neurology, you no longer have that. Is do I need this external somebody to tell me if this is the right choice or a good move for a relationship or money or health or whatever? This is where you fall in love with yourself again, and where you are fully confident and where you can hold boundaries and communicate your needs. And every single relationship that you choose to have in your life, you get to deepen the richness, like 100x. And then as you integrate that into your energy and your decisions and your relationships, then you get to embody her and you lead and live in love from this new frequency. And you just get to like magnetize.

SPEAKER_00 30:02

Oh my gosh. Yes, please. It's so yummy. And I can see, sorry that I messed you up with your example to something that I'm doing 14 times between the end of the year, but I it actually was a perfect highlight of how we think, right?

SPEAKER_02 30:19

Well, I got a point to get to pay. Well, that was like six steps back. You know what I'm saying? That it's actually perfect that you said that because that's what we think about. That's how our our conscious mind processes.

SPEAKER_00 30:30

Yes. And to see her, which I love, and to just keep backing it up until you get to where you are now. Not only does it activate that reticular, what is it called? Reticular activating system. Yes, thank you. I've been because I used the word activate before, it made me miss the what that's called. Um it's anchoring in that alignment. It's anchoring at every step of the way so that when it's happening, we can trust ourselves. We can know what it feels like. We've memorized what it feels like to be in alignment. And so when we are taking these steps, I'm using that right now as I'm taking steps towards something new and unfamiliar, desirable, but unfamiliar, and I'm counting on that alignment. But I love your framework that has me already accomplished the unfamiliar thing and then backtracking it. And so when I take the step, I can say, oh, right, I remember there was that house with the yellow door. Why did they even paint, you know, like I remember, oh, I'm on the right path because in my well, I don't even know. I'm pointing to my brain, but is it because I was gonna say in my memory, but what I should say is hold my heart and say, in my memory, when I envisioned it there.

SPEAKER_02 32:08

And a hundred percent. But it is it's a critical distinction because the reticular activating system is in your brain, it's not in your heart. And it's like the little bouncer that's looking for the things that you you know, because again, it will it will never make you a liar, but it's the feeling of that moment that's the important part, right? Exactly. Feeling of what that feels like to look and see, like, oh my god, there's our tattering, you know, it's all plan.

SPEAKER_00 32:32

We're going, but yes. Oh, it's so beautiful. And I know you said this so at far at the beginning of you sharing this gorgeous framework, but you talked about how the universe does not hear the word no. It's we live with the law of attraction, there's no law of exclusion. So can you explain what you mean by that? When you say, I don't understand why I don't have all the money. I keep saying how I don't want to be in debt, and I don't want all the, you know, those things that we are saying don't, what we don't want, we're really attracting more of.

SPEAKER_02 33:10

There's something that I do with my private clients that is literally in if you give me 72 hours, I can rewire your brain and flip that around. And should we walk through it live right now? Let's do it. Yeah. So this is this is part of the work of becoming a magnet for miracles. All right. So you need two pieces of paper and a rubber band, you said? Okay. To be like the office kind, not like a scrunchy kind that we put in our hair when we're going to sleep. It has to stay, basically, when you snap it.

SPEAKER_00 33:40

Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 33:41

So we need a pattern interact.

SPEAKER_00 33:43

Oh, yes, exactly. That's my phrase. That's what I do on my trips to France.

SPEAKER_02 33:49

Yes. So here's what we're going to do. First of all, we're going to imagine being in a room with four walls. And one to our left, one to our right, one in front of us, one behind us. Now, you're going to select for you which wall would be your away wall. And your away wall, everything on your away wall is everything you don't want. Everything. Like, okay. Everything I don't want. Dog here in the back of the car. I don't want that. I don't want another relationship like this, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah all the things. So if you're a really visual person, literally I want you to point to which wall that is. So if you're listening to this and you're like, oh, it's to my left or in front of me behind me, whatever. Then I want you to discern which wall is your toward wall. And on your toward wall is everything you want in every area of life. And it is hopes, wishes, dreams, goals, magic wand, fairy dust, no filtering. No, I'm too old, I missed my time to bad, or that's not gonna happen because no filtering, all the things. And what we're gonna do is we are going to, if you're willing to play all in for the next 72 hours, we're gonna change your physical reality. So it's important to understand that as humans, we're all governed by four states, right? Physical, emotional, mental, spiritual. And the physical is our physical, tangible world. Everything we can see and hear, touch, and feel and taste, right? Finances, job, pets, relationships, all of it. And I want you to think of that like a cake.

unknown 35:22

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 35:23

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 35:24

So if we bake a cake, right? And we bake the cake and we take it out of the oven and we let it cool and we take a slice and we take a bite and it's terrible. What are we gonna do to bake a better cake? Well, we're probably gonna look at the ingredients and see like, did we put salt instead of sugar? Like, what what do we have to adjust? Okay. So the cake is the physical, the ingredients are the emotional, the mental, and the spiritual, which all starts with those 65,000 thoughts that you think every single day. Also important to talk about frequency a little bit here. So we talked about, you know, kind of living and leading and loving from this new frequency. And the reason that frequency is so important is because there's high frequency emotions and there's low frequency emotions. And oftentimes we think consciously like we're hanging out in those high frequency emotions, right? Gratitude and joy and happiness and love, and and there is truth to that. But the other side of that is unconsciously, we're often hanging out in fear and guilt and resentment and anger and shame and doubt, right? And why is that a problem? Because we don't get what we want, we get who we are. And what I mean by that, and my favorite way to explain this is music. So I'm gonna ask you, Wendy, like what's your favorite current genre of music?

SPEAKER_00 36:56

Um, I like jazz from the 40s.

SPEAKER_02 36:59

Amazing.

SPEAKER_00 37:00

Because I'm a 90-year-old woman. What is your least favorite genre of music? Country music. I know. I'm sorry, it's okay. Listen, it's totally fine.

SPEAKER_02 37:11

We can still be friends. We can still be friends. I want you listening, you need to pick your actual. So don't put jazz in country. I need you to actually select your favorite and your least favorite, okay? Now imagine that everything that you want for your life is on Sirius XM 123. It's all 40s jazz all day long. It's amazing. And like it's all here. But unconsciously, a lot of the times, not even aware of it, you're hanging out down here and it's freaking all the Luke's and the Kenny's and the Morgans, and you can't turn it off and you can't even turn it down. And the question is can you hear 40's jazz on No Shoes Radio? Nope. So, how are you gonna hear 40's jazz? You have to turn the frequency, you have to raise your frequency. So that's what we're gonna do this the next three days, okay? Together. So you are actually going to make those lists, fully make them. If you need 10 pieces of paper, great. Everything you don't want, everything you do. When you're done, I want you to take photos of them on your phone and either pin them in your notes app or put them in an album and pin it so you can access them very quickly. If you're one of those super visual people that we talked about earlier, I have clients, I bring this up because I have clients that are super visual, and they will actually tape those to the walls for them, like in their office room or bathroom or closet or whatever, so that like they have that anchored. But here's what we're gonna do: you're gonna put that rubber band on, and you are going to not take it off for the next 72 hours. And as you go through life, you're not gonna do anything different. But when you notice, maybe that you are spiraling down into that, like I'm going on this date. I know it's gonna be just like the last one. Everybody I need the same, or you're going for an interview, and you know, I'm not gonna get the job anyway. Anytime you find whatever it is, like you're again driving to the store, and you're like, well, of course there's not gonna be a parking spot for me because there never is. My daughter and I play the parking spot game, and her friends are just dying. There's always parking spot. That's right. Always doesn't matter. Christmas Eve, there's always parking spot for us. And here's the thing the first day, you might not notice it hardly at all because you're so used to living like this. But when you do notice it, here's what I need you to do. I need you to snap the rubber band hard. I need you to think of the last thing you were thinking of. And sometimes it's like you don't even know you're doing it, but you feel it in your body. Maybe your heart starts racing. Feel a little anxious, or you have a pit in your stomach and you're like, why do I feel so yucky? And then you go, okay, I'm gonna snap the rubber band. What's the last thing you can remember that you're thinking of? And I promise you something on that away while list. Guaranteed. So how are we gonna, what do we do about it then? Well, we got to choose a better feeling thought, right? We got to raise that frequency. So how do we do that? Well, number one, you could simply look at your list and pick something on that toward wall list. And much like visualizing the email from the travel person, like you felt what it felt like to get that, do the exact same thing. And we know that it only takes 17 seconds to thought with all of the emotion, right? To create new neural pathways or reinforce the old ones. So every everybody has 17 seconds, but you know, 30 seconds, 60 seconds, even better. Now, the other thing you can do is you can actually just sit in gratitude for something, but not the Pollyanna, I'm so grateful for my life, blah, blah, blah. Like, like a visceral. Like, it's been raining for three days, and I'm sitting here in the freaking sun on my face through this window. Feels so good. Like something that's like legit in the moment. You're still feeling it, and you're like, yeah, okay, great. This is not working. I want you to ask yourself, who can I serve in this moment? It doesn't have to be a big deal, right? We're not like, you don't need to go like change the world. It could be a text to a girlfriend, it could be a prayer for someone or a an intention. It could be, you know, your neighbor's question fell over and you go pick it up. Like get out of your head and do something for someone else, even for 10 seconds. Now, the second day, you're probably gonna start noticing it more because now that reticular activating system is ignited, you're aware, you're being intentional, you're actually looking for noticing in your body, noticing how you're feeling, noticing where your thoughts go, and you're gonna snap it, snap it, snap it. And by day three, hopefully you're snapping it a lot. And the point is not that all of a sudden you're never gonna have these thoughts again. That's not the point. We're not giving you a lop out of it. The point is to pull yourself out of it as fast as you can. Right, right. Instead of it being whole days, then it's hours, then it's minutes, then it's literally like you catch yourself almost before you even can snap it, and you're like, no, and you you flip it around. And so all of a sudden, all of those things that aren't working, the cake that tastes crappy, all of a sudden is amazing. Yeah, 72 hours. Not an arbitrary number, I promise. Neuroscience. So 72 hours. I want you to come back, you guys, and I want you to tell us. Oh my gosh. And I will tell you like a lot of my clients will say, you know, honestly, I thought this was a really stupid thing. You're gonna like me to. And then they're like, it it changed my life and my side could never imagine because we don't realize the way that our brains are wired. Everything you want is available on the other side.

SPEAKER_00 43:00

100%. Yes, and oh my gosh, thank you. That was so beautiful. And yes, please, everyone, let's do it. Like, this is so great. And I love what you said that the goal is not to not snap the rubber band, it's to do it often because that's how you're creating the new neuropathways, that's how you're replacing what you've now cleared out with what you actually want. At day one and a half. Yeah. How do we get past the frustration of recognizing what we've been doing for decades because you're flicking your rubber band, you're doing this, and you're like, oh my god, this is taking all day long because this is what's happening all day long. Why I'm better. I mean, you can get into a whole A spiral about that as well. So you're then snapping, snapping, snapping.

SPEAKER_02 44:05

So here's the reframe. And here's the thing. So the minute that you do that and you're blaming, complaining, justifying, whatever, you've now pulled yourself out of what we call cause or effect. And you're and and you're you're no longer in control of your life. It's the somebody else. And I would be happy if this thing was different, or this person, or this government, or this job. Like it's it's them, it's not me. So rather than, oh my God, I've been doing this for decades and I could have had this in my life, blah, blah, blah, stop the noise and go, oh my God, it's like I just want the freaking lottery. Like get excited about what's possible that wasn't possible a day and a half ago for you, for your future, for your life. And play in that energy. And this is a muscle. So you're not gonna just do this for three days and then you're like, oh, it's magic. I have clients that a year later they're they're like, they'll put on a rubber band because they're like, I need to get back to that muscle because I find myself, you know, in fear and lack and scarcity and doubt and not trusting. And that's where I'm living. And then I'm wondering why nothing is working out in my life. And, you know, to take it a step further, because we all meet our people, right? Yes. So I have somebody who's my me, and it's funny because like she's saying things to me that I teach my clients all the way along. And it it becomes phonical, but it's true. It's like, you know, we are in the bottle, you can't see the label. Like we're in the body. That's right. And to the extent that as humans, it's hard when we're looking at the current reality to be in the delusional energy of it's all coming, it's happening, it's done.

SPEAKER_01 45:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 45:51

But every time we go out of that into the current, like looking at what is the state of the relationship, the lack of the relationship, the balance of the bank account, the whatever, it's really hard. Really hard. It's the hardest thing ever. But you have options. We send things to the FO room. Okay, love it. And as soon as the thought comes, it goes there. So you could send it to the air balloon, to the like you do what you like, but whatever the energy is, but then again, same concept. But what is it that you desire? What are you claiming that you know? So don't so there's that first piece, just like the snapping of the rubber band. So this is like the master's level after you do this, right? Then sure because it's really important to again stay in the work of the muscle of noticing the minute one of those freaking thoughts comes in your mind, oh, you're going to the epo room, oh, you're going to space in a lantern, whatever. Get rid of it, put it away, put it somewhere else, and immediately think about, you know, what am I claiming for the desire? What I actually want. And in that reality, it's all handled. Yes. All handled. And send that out. And just, you know, we call those rockets of desire. And you will find that your life, people around you will be like, what is happening? Like, what are you doing? Like, why are you all of a sudden so lucky? It's a guarantee, I promise you.

SPEAKER_00 47:29

I know it is. I'm in it. I'm living it. And I just love how you've put so much beautiful language and structure around it. And you're so generous to show us and share with us these frameworks and practices, but also, you know, you could have talked this whole time about how to change the oil in your car. There are people that are going to be like, awesome, I'm changing my own oil from now on. And people are like, that's nice. I want her to change my oil because she clearly knows how to do it. She just told me how, and I'm not interested. So I love that you don't just say, this is how to do it, you know, peace out, good luck. It totally works. But you offer mentorship and coaching and relationship around this, and you have so many ways to do it. But I love the very high-touch way that we were chatting about before we hit record. So tell us how we can have this experience, but stay on track while we're having it and luxuriate in the process as well.

SPEAKER_02 48:54

Yes. So there's two pieces, right? That's kind of available. And we're gonna get the the my favorite is your favorite too. But there's something that's called the intensive. And it's like this work doesn't take months, it's like six or eight weeks. You and me creating together. We go through the whole clearing and creating piece, right? And get you kind of set up for that claim. And then obviously, if you want to continue co-creating, we we have that conversation. But then there's the arrival, and the arrival is where we go away somewhere together, and I fully design the most magical three days of your life. If you're a beach girl, we go to the beach. If you're a mountains girl, we go to the mountains, like wherever you feel like this is your happy place.

unknown 49:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 49:37

And what we would do in those six to eight weeks, we're gonna do in three days-ish. But combined with everything that makes you feel completely wrapped up. So again, I love touch. So for me, that would be a massage every day, those three days. Soft things, right? Slow mornings. So we design the days around what feels good to you. Are you like, I want to do deep work in the morning and then in the afternoon, I want to play, I want to relax, I want to have a massage, I want to go to the beach, whatever. Great. We design it around you. It's about how this experience can just wrap its arms around you and fill you up, and you leave a different person in the respect of you are no longer available for the stuff that's not meant for you. Relationship dynamics, money, health, whatever, you're no longer available for it from an internal mind, body, nervous system, unconscious mind, subconscious situation. Like you don't even have to worry about, oh, I'm gonna learn how to get out of things quicker. You're just not even available for it anymore.

SPEAKER_00 50:52

Oh my gosh. It's wonderful. It's so wonderful. You are so wonderful. I feel like thank you for talking this whole time. I just was drinking it all in. I thank you for being generous and in service. Everyone is going to want more of you. So please tell them how they can find and follow you, how they can engage with your work, all of the good things. Perfect.

SPEAKER_02 51:24

And then if it's okay, also I'd like to give you a gift before we close.

SPEAKER_00 51:28

Of course, your generous people are just more and more and more generous. That's how it is.

SPEAKER_02 51:33

You find me everywhere uh at Rihanna Malia. So Rihanna Malia.com, Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, YouTube, substaff, all the things, Rihanna Malia, right? R-I-A-N-A-M-A-L-I-A. But I want to give you something that's gonna give you insight into yourself that you've never had. Okay. I created something called the Extraordinary Love Index. We lovingly call her the Ellie. And the Ellie answers the question that most of us circle for years, decades what is standing between you and extraordinary love? All the love. Now, this is not a what Disney character are you? No, good. It's a it's a it's a diagnostic. It's 40 questions. Give yourself a good 10 or 15 minutes to answer them thoughtfully because I'm gonna send you a 28-page personalized report looking at these nine key areas of you, and what it's gonna tell you is based on what your answers are, this is what you might be experiencing in your life. This is what might show up. Here's the cost of you staying here, and here's something you can do right now to move towards this person that you actually are, who you're becoming. And you're gonna have moments of, okay, that totally makes sense. Time to do that. You're gonna have moments of, oh my God, I never put that together, like connecting dots. Right. And no matter who you are or where you are in your life, and you have you're married to the love of your life, like me two years ago, right? And you created this work for me first. Congratulations. I never thought that would happen. Like I was fully like, I'm gonna be alone forever, no one's gonna love me. And especially not the way I want to be loved. And my husband loves me in the way that I dreamed about my whole life. But whether you have that or you want that, whatever, anywhere in between. The Ellie is going to give you the answer to that question.

SPEAKER_00 53:45

So go take the Ellie. Oh my gosh. You're such a dream. Thank you, thank you, thank you. This was so wonderful. My face is sore from smiling so big and nodding this whole time. You're amazing. Thank you so much. I really appreciate you. I hope you enjoyed that conversation as much as I did. As always, any links or notes mentioned can be found at PhineasRighthouse.com in the podcast section of our site or in the show notes below. And if you haven't connected with me personally, come find me on Instagram at PhineasWrighthouse and let me know you listened to this episode. I'd love to get to know you. Thank you for sharing this time with me. I know your days are full, and I'm really grateful that you chose to spend some of your precious time right here. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast so you don't miss any of these delightful conversations. I'll see you next week.