Manta Spirit

True Self-Love: Building Mental Toughness and Overcoming Self-Sabotage for Lasting Success

• Ursula • Season 2 • Episode 3

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What if I told you that true self-love requires self-discipline, and that your brain may be sabotaging your efforts to achieve your goals? Join me as I share some hard truths about the difference between awareness and action, and how building mental toughness can lead to long-term success.

In this episode, I open up about my own struggles with self-discipline and the importance of small victories in maintaining a consistent and sustainable self-love practice. You'll learn how to overcome self-sabotaging thoughts and develop the mental strength needed to reach your goals, whether it's a healthier lifestyle, better relationships, or personal growth. Get ready to transform your mindset and embrace the uncomfortable on this journey towards true self-love and self-care.

Speaker 1:

Alright, today we are going to be talking about self discipline, self love, awareness, action and some of you may not like me very much when you listen to this podcast because I am going to be sharing some hard truths and just know that I don't even like myself at times when I have to be real and tell myself Ursula, get with the freaking program, stop telling yourself all this BS and get it together. Girl, i want to say that I am not here to judge you. I am not here to make you feel bad about yourself. I am not here to point the finger at you. I am here to provide you with some information and hopes that you can gain some insight and inspiration. And you know what? we're all in different phases of our life, we're all going through different transitions, and so some of this may apply to you here and now. Some of it. You might think back and be like, wow, i wish I would have known that back then. Or you might be in a phase right now where you need to start truly opening up to the truth behind self love and self care, not just what the media or social media says self love and self care is, which is, you know, bubble baths and mani-pedis and facials, which I mean it's really nice to get those things done. Don't get me wrong, but that's not what I'm going to be talking about here when I'm talking about self love and self care. I took a Kundalini yoga class one afternoon with one of my favorite teachers. She always has such words of wisdom and she said self love requires self discipline, and my mind was like blown because I started thinking about it. You know, discipline for me is something that is sustainable, something that is consistent, and do we really have that self love, truly that is consistent and sustainable, and do we really focus on choosing who or what supports us in this self love, and do we choose to follow a practice or a schedule in order to keep this self love consistent and sustainable? So, for right now, just think about that. Self love requires self discipline.

Speaker 1:

The other thing that I wanted to talk about is the difference between awareness and action. I am someone who has no problem speaking and saying that I am aware of my faults and my issues and all the things right. I have that awareness And I do think that having that awareness is the first step. However, just having that awareness doesn't always get you very far. In life and in relationships. There are times where you need to actually take action. Action in that awareness to have healthier relationships. Action in that awareness to live a healthier lifestyle. Action is what is needed after that awareness, which then in turn, in a perfect world, will turn to self discipline And then that is true self love. So you have this awareness, you know that you need to take action in some way which will then create that discipline, that sustainability, that routine, that consistency, that practice, that schedule, and then you will have self love.

Speaker 1:

Now I said in a perfect world, right, because in the world of human beings that is an actual roller coaster and it doesn't flow that beautifully. And this is where I think that we also need to check in with ourselves, because our brain wants to go back a lot of times to old patterns and it likes to stay safe and in this comfort zone, but a lot of times that comfort zone is not truly self love. So our brains try to sabotage us at times and we need to gain the strength to tell ourselves stop. No, i'm not listening to you. That does not serve me. I need to get comfortable with the uncomfortable so I can come out on the other side And I'm going to give you some examples of this, since I've been talking about weight loss and my weight loss journey, in that I had the awareness that I was gaining weight.

Speaker 1:

I had the awareness that I needed to set up some type of plan in order to reach my particular goal. Therefore, i decided to take action by creating my own six week personal training program. I also then did my own macros and calorie counts. Then I told my husband about it, i told my neighbors about it. So, building that support team of people around me, i started it and then my brain started to self sabotage. Oh, a little bit of ice cream here won't make that much of a difference. Or having pizza once a week isn't going to be that big of a deal. Or drinking some alcohol, it's not going to push my goals back that much, when in actuality it will. I'm just being real, because after a few months of constantly pizza every Friday and I have alcohol here and there, ice cream cookies, whatever here and there, here and there then a year later you're like OK, i haven't reached my goal, and I fell back into old patterns.

Speaker 1:

And then I realized, ursula, if I want to reach my goal in the time frame that I want to reach it. Eating this cookie, this ice cream, this pizza, having this drink of alcohol every now and then, every now and then, it's going to take me a lot longer to reach that goal. And then, when I go and look at the scale, i get angry right Because I didn't meet my goals. Well, the only person I have to blame for that is myself. So I had to come to terms with the fact that I was backtracking back into the awareness mode, which then would have to turn into taking action steps And then, hopefully, this time around, would turn into that consistency and sustainability which is the self-discipline. That's when I realized I need further accountability.

Speaker 1:

So I took the next action step and pointing the finger at myself and saying I need someone to answer to so that I do not allow for my brain to sabotage me. So I hired a coach And, of course, when I would go out to eat with my friends and I'm the only one not drinking alcohol and there is a little bit of uncomfortableness there but my goal is stronger and more important than what my friends think about me And I know that they're overall supportive, so it's not like they're trying to shove pizza down my throat or alcohol down my throat. But I had to build that mental toughness and say no, because I had a goal that I wanted to reach by a specific time And I knew that I needed to be consistent in order to reach that particular goal. And the more I said no, the more I built on top of that mental muscle, built on top of that discipline, and the quicker I started seeing results.

Speaker 1:

Now does building that mental toughness kind of suck? I'm not going to lie. Yes, it does kind of suck. There are definitely times where I don't want to do this or that And I don't feel like getting up early to go do this. However, the small victories add up and then it does make it easier in the end.

Speaker 1:

And when the self-sabotaging brain comes in and says, hey, doesn't that cookie look really good? You can have it. You know you want it. And Ursula says, yes, i do want it. However, that one cookie is not going to make me as happy as my overall big goal, and reaching that overall big goal is going to make me happier than that one cookie at that moment in time. And I'm just using a cookie as an example, because I love cookies, because I've built that disciplined muscle, i'm understanding and knowing that if I can't have certain things for a certain period of time, it doesn't faze me at all. I've looked at it as something that is temporary. It's something that's going to get me to where I want to be. You know the doors of pizza every now and then and the doors of ice cream every now and then. Our cookies will open back up and I'll be able to incorporate that into my diet and my lifestyle. But I can give up anything for a short period of time, and so can you. I promise you, don't let your brain self-sabotage you into thinking that you can't, because I know that you can. Building the mental toughness and that self-discipline, with small victories, will get you there.

Speaker 1:

Now, another example that I want to give is how this relates to parenting for me. So I have this awareness that my children tell me that I yell too much, and I also grow up in a home where my mom was a yeller, and so I think, naturally I'm just I'm a yeller too And honestly, at first I really didn't care. I was like I'm a yeller, whatever it is what it is. I have that awareness, i don't care. And that's where the awareness can stop for some people, where they're like yeah, i have this awareness, this is what it is about me, and take it or leave it, and I don't care. Some people in some relationships, that's fine, they will take it or leave it and they'll love you, no matter what.

Speaker 1:

However, for me, with my children, i don't care that I'm a yeller started to shift because I started to notice, when I yelled, their facial expressions and then they started yelling back at me and then it just turned into this like snowball effect of disrespect on both ends Me disrespecting them and them disrespecting me. I wanted to take action on this, but I needed their input. So we sat down together as a family and I straight up asked them what are some things that you don't like about mom? And of course, that I yell came up and I did have to plead my case a little bit as a mom and as a parent that you know. Hey, guys, i ask you one time, you don't listen to me. I ask you two times in a calm voice you don't listen to me. By the third time, yeah, i'm gonna yell. I mean, that's just is what it is. So you know, here we go again with my brain trying to be like it's all good to be a yellower and I'm trying to explain myself out of it, right Out of this thing that they don't like about me. I'm basically like I have to freaking yell for you guys to listen to me.

Speaker 1:

However, my son, my oldest, came up with an amazing action step. He said mom, sometimes we truly don't hear you. Before you get to the yelling phase, can you ensure that, either the first time or the second time, you tell us something that you actually like? come over to us, look us in the face and tell us what you want or what you need? And I was like, omg, this kid. At that time, he was like seven years old. I'm like, he is so smart. I'm like, yeah, I could totally do that.

Speaker 1:

So that was the action step that we came up with as a family, where, in order to help mommy not be so much of a yeller, for me to make sure that when I am speaking to them, that I'm speaking to them face to face and that they actually can like, hear me and see me and understand what my needs or wants are from them. Now, am I perfect at that? every single time. No, but I had the awareness. At first I did not care, but then I started realizing it was kind of damaging our family structure and the relationship and there was some disrespect going on. So I'm like, all right, i do actually need to take action on this, i should care. So had a family meeting about it, took action on it And for the most part there is consistency.

Speaker 1:

And I do practice telling them in front of their face so they hear me and see me before going to the next level, and in our house that we have different levels actually too. So you can be the fairy land level, where you're super chill and everything's all great. The dinosaur level, where you start to get like a little bit more mad, and then the dragon level, which is like, ah, you know, breathing fire. So we also came up with that, where we're like, okay, i'm still on the fairy level or hey, i'm about to get into the dinosaur level, or now I'm legit about to go dragging on you guys if you don't do what I'm asking you to do. So that was actually another little action item that we came up with And for the most part, you know we've been consistent in this, and then that is self love, as well as showing my love and my understanding to my kids.

Speaker 1:

My hope is that in this podcast, you recognize the phases to true self love, which are awareness, action, self discipline and then self love. Building on those action steps to create that consistency which then creates that self discipline, choosing who and what is going to support you in whatever your self love project. Self love goal is, as well as choosing that practice and that schedule and ensuring that it's something that is realistic to your life and sustainable, building that mental toughness, building that mental strength So when that brain wants to sabotage you, you can say not today. I hope you enjoyed today's podcast. If you did, i would love to hear from you by having you leave a comment and a rating. I'm here and open to chat with you. Feel free to DM me on Instagram. My handle is you are s t r o n g one three. Catch you next time on the you are strong podcast, where we find strength in our struggle.