Christine's Journey: Overcoming Obstacles and Embracing Change

Have you ever wondered how old programming and limiting beliefs can hold you back from truly connecting with yourself? Join me in a heartfelt conversation with my dear friend and fellow mom, Christine, as we discuss her journey of overcoming these obstacles, navigating grief, and the unique story of how the universe connected us. We also touch on the stigma that can come with being a stay-at-home mom with a side hustle and how we can find fulfillment in our daily lives.

Together, we reminisce about a life-changing retreat that Christine attended, which had a profound impact on her self-discovery. We explore the challenges that can arise within a marriage when one partner is evolving and changing, and how Christine's newfound understanding of life's fragility inspired her to take a leap of faith. Get ready to be inspired by Christine's story of embracing new techniques and experiences to grow as a person.

Lastly, we examine the importance of sleep, finding a supportive tribe, and maintaining a healthy mindset. Christine shares her journey of transitioning into motherhood, the many changes that come with it, and the power of validating oneself. We reflect on the significance of having a supportive network of people around and the power of understanding one's own value. So, tune in to this inspiring conversation and let Christine's story encourage you to reconnect with yourself and embrace the beauty of life's unexpected twists and turns.

Chapters

• 0:04 Overcoming Old Programming, Self-Reconnection
• 13:25 Retreats and Friendship for Self-Discovery
• 22:33 Overcoming Grief and Finding Freedom
• 32:07 Sleep and Supportive Tribe Importance
• 42:43 Transitioning Into Future Self

Transcript

Speaker 1: Welcome to the You Are Strong podcast. I'm so excited because today I have a special guest on the show, my dear friend Christine. She is going to be talking about how she has learned to recognize old programming, gotten out of her comfort zone and utilizing new techniques and tools to reconnect with herself, as well as how she's overcome grief and so much more. So, without further ado, let me introduce my dear friend, Christine. Christine, a mom of three, you have a 15 year old, a seven year old and a four year old. You're a military spouse, a licensed cosmetologist for 26 years, and you're the host of two YouTube channels Random Real Moms, which I just love, where you share real and raw beauty tips, recipes, shopping And then the other one one, two, three read to me where you read children's books as a supplement to family reading time. And I just want to say I listened to a couple of those specific videos yesterday And I was like OMG, she's so good at just like reading and you were awesome. And I was like almost zenning out and like relax, I'm like dang, I want to take a nap. It was so awesome. Yes, it was so good. Well, it's amazing And you're amazing at reading books, right Like, yes, So I was blessed to meet Christine and why she was my neighbor And she's just so much fun And she's the friend that just makes you laugh And literally like the things that come out of your mouth. 

Speaker 1: That's why I'm so excited to do this podcast with you, Because I just know no pressure. She just naturally, like makes you laugh to the point where you want to pee your pants. She's amazing with her jokes and just who she is. She's just an all around great person. And we also have a crazy story of how I feel like our souls were meant to like connect and meant to be friends. And because I know you guys always hear me talking, I want Christine to share the story of how we have a common person in our lives And when we realize that, Yes, but this was just, this was really insane. So, Christine, go take it away. 

Speaker 2: I started to like the universe was going to punish me. I didn't. We didn't become friends because of all the blatant signs that were coming. I think COVID hit and we had all been trapped at home And I was outside working out and I saw you And I wondered if you were the lady that I was been following like Facebook, because I recognized your garage, and so I stopped you and said Hey, are you the strong, weak camp lady? Yeah, that's me. 

Speaker 2: But I couldn't get it down, since we're good But I'm online if you need a check, and so I did a couple more times. We passed each other. I became Facebook with you. That's when I took impression, right Next to marriage. After a few weeks we just like chatting with you and then checking on your Facebook see if there's new videos or whatever. I thought I'm looking at your friends And this is the if we can have any common friends. We did have a couple of them, but not the boy. Your common friend was my roommate in Kansas, after we had both met our husband and moved away. She had moved to California. I moved to Texas, but while she was in California she met you and became friends And then you went on to go home and then to Hawaii. 

Speaker 2: Hawaii, and by that point we were neighbors, and that's our family. 

Speaker 1: And I always say somehow, some way the universe connects me with these Kansas folk. My husband from. 

Speaker 2: Kansas your sister, my mutual friends too, which completely ran. 

Speaker 1: Yes, and so. 

Speaker 2: I think, bob, you're listening to people from my teeny, tiny homecoming which can or college. 

Speaker 1: I know it's just so crazy And I mean, if that is not like, i feel like, once we found that out, we're like okay, like we're sisters, we like we are one of the most isolated island chains in the world, and you are my neighbor. I know it was that. Those are just those moments where you're like dang, the universe knows what is doing, even the way. 

Speaker 2: I met. She was not something I would ever do in a million years. 

Speaker 1: Yeah. 

Speaker 1: Which I would never do, ever So yeah, i mean that right there just is like I feel like so amazing, and we were meant to be connected and friends for life for sure. 

Speaker 1: But one of the main reasons why I wanted to have you here on the show was, you know, you're a stay at home mom. 

Speaker 1: You're juggling a bazillion different things. 

Speaker 1: However, throughout the years of knowing you, i'm just so proud of like how you have left your comfort zone in some areas and tried new things, and then you know, being able to reconnect with yourself And and I feel like, as stay at home moms, to with the, for some reason, we feel like we always have to do something else, like I don't know why, possibly what we're told, but then like what I mean, i think, because we we also just have so many other qualities that we want to like, share to and and yes, you're right, i think that both of us being stay at home moms with side hustles, there is this like stigma that, like being a stay at home mom isn't enough for some reason. 

Speaker 1: So, however, with all that being said, like being a stay at home mom, a military way, for your husband is obviously not there all the time. I just want to know from you like, how do you feel like you've been able to juggle all the things and reconnect with yourself in finding, like, what lights you up inside, like even being able to do the YouTube channels and stuff? 

Speaker 2: I feel like that's a difficult question to answer because it's so multifaceted, because everything just leads into each other category, it just leads into everything. But I think that it's not easy right What you select. It's not easy to remember what makes you happy because you spend so much time making other people happy and making sure they have everything they need. 

Speaker 2: at the end of the day, that that then becomes your fulfillment and your happiness. But I think for me, hanging on to my cosmology license whether or not I am using it, i always keep it active That's going to always be that reminder, just hanging on to that and not letting it ever go. But more difficult is the fact that we move so much. 

Speaker 2: So even if I just think something we're ever planted, or wherever we moved, I would always have to do that. So in one place I took a chelow, but they wouldn't build me a crate, make my symphony gray chelow to Hawaii, So I had to leave it behind or risk it being destroyed. Figuring out ways to bed food. 

Speaker 1: I like that Yes. 

Speaker 2: But it's not easy for me because I am a person like schedule And you be home at a certain time every day, something I can expect. But that's how I grew up. That's not how my family works. 

Speaker 1: Right now. 

Speaker 2: Break all of that Like scar to break it, be flexible and be able to move again. 

Speaker 1: Yeah, I like what you I like. I like the analogy of like being able to bend and like maybe flow with whatever's being thrown at you, because there's not always going to be this like constant. You know, nice linear line, like things, no even. 

Speaker 2: But I think it was our last record. Success isn't linear. Sometimes it looks good now, now, now, now, now, now. Oh yeah, yeah, i mean now, i mean now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now. That's also the definition of success Totally, but screaming in one place, i think, becoming stagnant, but doing it is a big step forward. It's. 

Speaker 2: Dracula, Anyway, And eye right now. Right, I had kids all of a sudden, you go to the back of the quality. You've led your tone. Now it's time to push your kids forward. That's the clearing advice I've learned for the past 15 years. 

Speaker 1: Okay, so you're programming. So that's basically what you're talking about. You're programming from your upbringing was. Once you have kids, you're on the back burner and your kids are where your job, so to say, is to move them forward. 

Speaker 2: Like Christine, it's no longer your turn, it's your kids' turn, and that's the number one parenting advice I've gotten Or heard. When I'm frustrated, i'm fed up, and talking to my mom I'm like I don't know what to do. I can't stay in this anymore. It's like, well, honey, it's their turn. Now Your turn has come gone. You're on the back burner. But, I'm sure that's what she did from her mom. 

Speaker 1: Totally. 

Speaker 2: And I like all of it off in my head and I thought is this what I'm setting up for my girls? So good. This is what I'm going to be teaching them, and this is what they've got to look forward to. is that, once they have kids, you're done? That's it. No, that's not accepted, for the school too. 

Speaker 1: I love that. I love that so much. So that was You might not know when that click or what specific. Do you know what specifically like was that transitioning point in your mind? like shit. Now I need to put myself at the front burner, not only for myself, but the set an example for my kids that, like you're not on the back burner. 

Speaker 2: Once once you have kids one day. Not only might I be a cheever and grab the things that you want or fail it, but, contradictory thing, you can do and achieve and gain and move freely and no regrets in your life and then say that's it more for you. Those two can't live together now and it's great, that's your crew. 

Speaker 2: You cannot be on the back burner and be okay with that. It might work for a little while, but I would say, why was that? that's not After a hair, you know, big surprise baby, i had plans for myself and once again I was pushed to the back burner. But there's not a moment, but I do remember like a period or an era, seeing you and you having me Lisa helps me do these, try these things that I would normally not have tried to take, that I deserve that break. 

Speaker 1: Yeah. 

Speaker 2: Because I'm on the back burner. I didn't get a history three years because my schedule hit my for that didn't hang up with everybody else, so I went to the back. 

Speaker 1: I love that you saw someone else in this particular situation. It was like me. And here's this mom that, like well, she's not putting herself on the back burner and she's pulling me, you know, like out, and be like come on, oh it's going to do this. 

Speaker 1: But the thing is, is that's, that, is its community, right? I mean it boils down to like I oh wow, looking at somebody else, i mean like, why can't I do that, you know? and then also, and then, joining in, you're more, we don't have to do it the same way. 

Speaker 2: You know my snail slime skin care that I got into a while. That's what gave me my small victory. Until I could really gosh, i could go on a trip, or by myself. 

Speaker 1: Yes, you started to recognize, yeah, because Christine is like I feel, like I think it's because you obviously work with your hands with cosmetology and you just have like the artsy side, like her home is freaking gorgeous, like I love your style And yes, you're very well put together, and you just like walk into a room like Which, that is not me, and now you're, she might feel like a mess internally, but she does not look like an almost, and her home is like amazing, which. Those are not my qualities, that I have, that I enjoy doing. 

Speaker 1: Yes, i do, but I'm just saying, like you're saying like for me, like It's just different, right, like my thing is maybe more fitness or whatever, where your thing is like the makeup and the shopping and all and and the home. Like You're just more like creative in a different way. I guess is what it is right, like you don't have to like, be and do everything that the other person does. You can still find your own. What fills your cup is going to be different than what fills somebody else's cup. Basically is the point. So I think that's awesome. But but again, it still boils down to like seeing other women who are stay at home moms, right, like oh, they're kind of like me, but they also can do this and that. So that gave you like this permission maybe, or like insight to be like what the hell I can do these things, realizing that when I see it, i hate saying the word. 

Speaker 2: I did hear it. Yeah. I don't. I hate that entitled crap. Yeah, i hate that. I'm trying to do this and this is mine, but also, i think, making it passing so quickly, so young that it really lit the fire. And plus I'm 45. I'm probably halfway or more through my life. You want to go by numbers and how do I want to see in the last half of my life, my way? 

Speaker 1: And then you know passing. Oh yeah, i think I highly agree with that. when you have, whenever you have someone close to you pass suddenly and unexpectedly, it is a true I open, or to like They say, life is short. but when that happens and to somebody you really truly care about your life, no life is like for real short and it's a real eye opener to look at your life and see how you're living your life. 

Speaker 2: So I know it rubbed a lot of people the wrong way. I think in my house to maybe between it's been a little bit of friction in my marriage, but I'm a lot of time. I refuse to waste my life. It's not going to do it. 

Speaker 1: I love it. 

Speaker 2: It doesn't drive with a lot of people because it has. That doesn't continue to follow along way things. 

Speaker 1: Well, i think it's because I mean that. It makes sense, though, because the people that you're around, especially when it comes to the people within your household spouse, children They're used to you being this one way right, and then, when you're like, hold up like some is not working out here, right, mama's got to change, mama's got to put up some boundaries in certain areas so that they it takes them a while to it took you a while to fully shift, but then it takes them a while to get into the groove of your shift, you know, and be able to shift with you. 

Speaker 2: I think that retreat and come up. for me It was, it's my life and we've got everything. Well let's let's talk about that, i'm afraid, by pivotal moments. 

Speaker 1: Yes, let's explain that a little bit. So so, yeah, so you started to do your own thing and put your time and energy into the things that you enjoy doing, that light you up inside. And then you also, when I say like you came out of your comfort zone a little bit, you've done. You did Kundalini yoga with me a couple times, we did, we did some breath work. And then I was like, christine, you need to go on this retreat with me. And she was like I don't know anything about this, i'm not going to research this, but fine, i'll go. 

Speaker 1: And then the first day, even when you went, if you want to explain, like Shannon another Shannon, not the same one that we met, that we know together from Kansas, but a different Shannon was the facilitator of this particular retreat And I went through Kundalini yoga training with her. So I already had a trust and rapport with Shannon. And then, obviously, christine, you had a trust and rapport, obviously friendship, with me. So you're like, ok, i'm going to, i'm going to take this leap of faith in Ursula and be like try this shit out, what does she get me into? And so you, you go ahead and explain like how that experience was for you. 

Speaker 2: Then I remember when you asked me but my gosh, there's no way. We just moved, we just bought a car. Air Force hasn't paid us for our move yet. So like there's one thing, i could ask my husband to go on this. What was it? 25 years? 

Speaker 1: ago. Yeah, something like that. 

Speaker 2: Not including airfare. I talked to him about it and he was like, well, you can go if you want. And I was like, no, i'm not going to go, i'm not going to go. And then you met at the gym and you're like here, she's got to go. And then he bought it for me for my birthday, which, i was shocked, i purposefully did not look at all that because one of the reasons why I started my. YouTube channel is Because it's a thing to do and you put yourself out there. 

Speaker 2: It's living outside the box and it's why there's a Pinchable going something without me researching it and knowing full details And what are we gonna be doing and need to know what clothing I need to wear and I don't want to be up for kids. It's like a running hamster wheel in light Getting off of it. So I thought I'm gonna pack and go and I'm only going to stay up first one. It's all I care about. 

Speaker 2: I'm gonna go to see Erislaw. And even when we got there introducing I was like, okay, i've been here for like a million different reasons. I don't know why I'm here. I don't know why I came here. I didn't look anything I have. I just came here to hang out with Erislaw and met Malone Bed, who turned out to be an insanely cool person. Mm-hmm. And so that's all I got out of it All right, but ending up unpacking like the very first breathwork. I'm packing a bunch of shit, i did the blow-up too. 

Speaker 1: I was full well okay with hanging on to the rest of my life the fact that you just stepped into some Territory that was it you weren't sure about is is really Like cuz, because people basically, whenever they they want to change something, it's hard right And not and again, it's not even necessarily that you thought like I want to change Anything. You weren't really sure, but like you knew, i guess what. Was it just the fact that like, oh, we're gonna hang out, i'm gonna see you, or was there anything with inside of you that was that maybe thought you might need this retreat? I guess that's the good question. 

Speaker 2: Um, nearly I on that airplane, so I could meet you in Seattle and fly to. California have an adventure with you, and that was it. 

Speaker 1: Yeah. 

Speaker 2: I Thought I might just do yoga, get stretching and go for a little walk, but it ended up literally flipping every last switch. 

Speaker 1: Well, and I think, yeah, that's what I like, like how cuz. And you said this at the retreat and you've said it after the retreat when we have talked, like, who is the Christine when she stepped on the plane from Idaho to California, compared to the Christine who stepped on the plane from California to go back to Idaho? 

Speaker 2: I'm not a sad and angry anymore, full of reasons I was really in Finding out portion of my great And passing and that held me. 

Speaker 2: She was a daily part of my life. I told her everything and I didn't know like that, from childhood until the moment she died You know it's 43, 42 I told her everything and And she's helped me figure out and I didn't have that and so it's just been really lonely without her. But when you live so far away from family and friends And someone dies, that in me I just felt trapped in that shock. I come out and she's not here. 

Speaker 2: She's not here and it's constant, over and over She's not here. And then really realizing that every time you get that hot and Because there was no humoral or service and I never saw the body, i was absolutely trapped in that. I just got the phone call and found out There was no moving through sadness or anger or whatever. All the grief go through, no, putting it away, no time. It was still the same. I just got that call and On the retreat, in the middle of a meditation, i Heard a voice That's all you're gonna get is that phone call. You get nothing else, that's it. At that point I saw her Be hug. See, normally I wouldn't be able to talk about this because of deep, innate sadness like I think you and I were riding Down the road one day and I just started falling, just because it hit me again. 

Speaker 2: But normally I wouldn't even talk about her and I gave her a hug and just let her go. And after that, what had been waiting for that and hanging on to that because I didn't know Just change me. I felt like things look different when I came home from California. I didn't even recognize my own home. I had no anger towards my husband. I like that grief was like a product. Mmm coming up the words of everything. Mm-hmm. 

Speaker 2: And so once I reviewed some of that Resid, i was able to just flow more freely in my life. 

Speaker 1: And that's the word that kept coming to me like freely free, like when you're speaking, yeah, oh. 

Speaker 2: Well, it just was the freedom to even breathe and live. Mm-hmm but. I came home and my home looked different. I didn't hate my husband or the home room. For all the past Problems that we had, there was no resentment left over. And I was just a few. 

Speaker 2: three of us, another person, Mm-hmm. So I thought, like moving that stuck Crack Was able for me to just hear other little details of things in my life. So Here I am. It would taste different, my body reacts pain and stress and I have been totally different Because feel things in my body but I've never felt this one Mm-hmm. Dumbed up. 

Speaker 1: Yeah, gummed up and just stuck in this clutter cycle of. 

Speaker 2: Freeze, i guess I'm totally in free, mm-hmm. 

Speaker 1: And what a beautiful gift. What was coming to me when you were talking is She probably wanted to connect with you so bad And I know that she has been but not to that point where you felt like you actually have ever like seen her and were able to Embrace with her During the breathwork. You were able to truly calm your mind and, like your soul, was able to connect with hers and she's. She's just like giving you this gift of just be free. I'm okay, like be free, be, do what you want to do and and Get out of that chaotic state in your mind. You know she that was the time. 

Speaker 2: And I think when I lay down and then literally went down the rabbit hole, i think my body showed it and was like no, you're doing, because You've been ignoring me. You've been ignoring the things that you need to unpack, you're doing mm-hmm. And so, without any Reservation, local money, normally over my legs. We're not. I got on the tree and I wrote it Yes. 

Speaker 1: Yes, yes, you took that bull by the horns. You got on the train and that's just what I love. Not that you're not, because obviously you tried Kundalini yoga, you've tried these things that I throw at you. I'm like, oh, do this, do that. Because that the kind of person I am. If something works for me, i'm constantly like, oh my gosh, you guys got to try this. But I also understand that some people like are like, oh, this is a little weird, i don't know about this and and I get that. But what I love about you is that you were like I don't freaking know Why the hell I'm here. I just got on that plane to hang out with Ursula and I got to meet some cool chicks. I don't really give a shit about this breath work shit. And then you're like go into the breath work and you're like, oh my gosh, okay, i'm, i'm gonna, i'm gonna ride this train like this is crazy like what cuz. 

Speaker 1: It's almost seems unreal. Yeah, it almost seems unreal when these Things happen and they come to you and then you came back like that person who the person who you are now has always been there. Yeah, it's always been part. It's just you were not allowing for that part of you to really come out full force. And now you are. 

Speaker 2: There's reasons why I know kind of me and breath, work and stuff Not for me crazy, but it is. Yeah, it's just something new something new and something you don't know about or understand you. So of course, first thing you do is come out like this is it right? but I don't think anything happens to me. That Is it supposed to? and another thing that came to me in the second record was We're seeing, you're exactly you were designed to be mm-hmm you have grown To that person and this was an original plan for you at Burr. 

Speaker 1: Yes. 

Speaker 2: You made it. Stop trying to do it. Stop trying Such yourself up. Stop trying to put your flame out so that others will be able to tolerate you better or like you. You know I always say it and not forever, But I'm not for most people. 

Speaker 1: But none of us are right. Like you know We are. None of us are everybody's cup of tea. You just got to find the people who want to drink tea with you. 

Speaker 2: But I think I just Shutting myself up and thinking well, maybe if I just shut my mouth, Somebody different. My spouse and I, but I have a better view. Or maybe if I did this, this or that, my friends would call me more and check in on me, or. And then, when I was in California, i realized you need a knock-down job, because you are exactly Who you have. You're supposed to be calm. Mm-hmm stop it. Yeah, you did it great job. You're not an ankle. Yeah you're not, you know Outmurder. 

Speaker 1: Yeah. 

Speaker 2: Trying to do yes, Yes. 

Speaker 1: What advice do you feel like you would give, or tips that you would share with other people who may be struggling in the same way that you were? Now that you've come so far and yes, it did take time but like what are maybe some key points or words of wisdom or whatever that you'd want to give. 

Speaker 2: I don't really feel like I have that. This is where the imposter says, wherever he comes in, and he's like nobody wants to hear what you have to say. You don't have any nuggets? 

Speaker 1: You got nuggets. You just said that you don't want to dim your light, so let your light shine, girl. 

Speaker 2: I wish I could go back and be dispatched or red-dined in during my postpartum years, especially after my middle child. That was severe. I almost didn't live for it. I wish I could go back and be better to myself. But it's so hard to be forced into a dream, isn't it? 

Speaker 1: Yeah, and now I mean, there's some reason maybe we'll never know, or maybe you do know, why you had to go through that. 

Speaker 2: I think it's cool to, because it affects the way I'm handling it. 

Speaker 1: Pretty sure that's what helped ruin my first year of age postpartum, but I think Well, for moms who, for moms who maybe are going through a tough time that you did during postpartum. you just said I wish I had more tools back then. Are there any tools for the moms that have gone or maybe going through postpartum right now? is they're listening that you would want to share things, that when you're looking back like, oh, i should have cut a wood or anything like that. 

Speaker 2: I think sleep going to sleep, sleep my life. Oh yeah. It probably saved my life. My husband came home every day from work, took the baby monitor and I went straight to bed in my clothes, woke up in my convenience stay and did it all again. But had I not slept, i don't think I would have. I think I was purposely close to just like slipping in the back to bed. 

Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, sleep like I don't think people realize how important it is especially. I mean, it's important in general. But then when you have a new baby, like if you don't prioritize sleep, like yes, you can go crazy. Like That's when you realize how important sleep is, like whatever you have to do, get on a schedule, phone a friend for help, i mean, at least you know 20-minute catnap, whatever. 

Speaker 2: So as a friend, i would call late at night and just tell everything because I didn't have anyone to talk to. Husbands had no clue what to do with me. 

Speaker 1: Yeah. 

Speaker 2: Other than I mean well, who knows how to do it with an informant? I was completely irrational. Anyway, I don't want to be irrational. 

Speaker 1: Yeah, but again the point I put forever, but Yeah, but I mean small victories, Yeah, small victories. And the point of that, too is, again, it does stem back to finding a tribe of people Like you phone a friend, you know things like that. So finding a tribe of people that are going to be supportive of you, small victories. 

Speaker 2: Well, and then, like the work, work each month. You didn't want to do the six-person, but I didn't think you needed it. But after coming home and realizing everybody is trying to jack up on people, the peace and all this progress that I need. I felt like I was constantly shielding myself, left and right, you know, because everybody is compact. Because, I didn't want to lose that high that I can be home with. 

Speaker 1: Yes. 

Speaker 2: And continuation. Supplementing the breath work each month helps me continue on that level of life. 

Speaker 1: Yes, and I think you hit again another nail on the head. And so an offering after the retreat was to become a member of the Wild Breath Tribe. And I think a lot of times we think, oh, you know, you go to the, you go to the retreat, or whatever you get you do, whether it be yoga, breath work, whatever it is, because all retreats are a little different and have different modalities that they use. And then you're like on this high right And you think that you can just continue it when you go back home. But when you go back home, like life doesn't stop at home, right, like start smiling, taking that Yes, and you're like, oh, wait a minute, i'm starting to come down from this high, how do I? Because old patterns might sneak back in, and just again you go back into this like hamster wheel of, like the go, go, go, do, do, do. But you still want a piece of that serenity and that calm. And so for you it was. 

Speaker 1: And I knew my old life wasn't going to work for me, yes, and you also came back with a new perspective of how you wanted to now lead and lead your life. So that accountability of becoming a member to a group where they meet like weekly was another thing for you to just be like. Okay, i know shit's going to hit the fan every now and then, but at least I know like once a week I can come to this group. These people are part of a collective where we like all understand each other. We're all there for similar reasons And so that just helps with like being consistent and staying in a healthy mindset. 

Speaker 2: I met one person here that I would probably talk to and tell her private things to, but I'm always the new kid in the block. Yes, i'm always without a network and always without a tribe my typical tribe usually thousands and thousands of miles away, and so there's something to be said with physically seeing somebody. so maybe for the breast-tribe. 

Speaker 2: And then they have really good things, like Shannon said something last week and can you write. you know somebody else said it. Can you write a letter to yourself Saying things that you needed to hear, or you need to meet the parent that you needed that situation. 

Speaker 1: Yeah, when you come together with other women. I want to know what's all about? Yeah, it's not always the facilitator right, the other women or people, or people in the group. you know, we all have an intuition And when you speak and it's even if it's virtually, it doesn't matter, even if you're not like sitting literally right next to the person, as virtually you just get these great pieces of information and things maybe you didn't think about from other people in the group too. 

Speaker 2: So yeah, even me doing that as a victory for all men for me. Yeah. I never thought that I was deserving of a mostly B service like that. What's my life? What's more than order through anything. 

Speaker 1: You know Yeah. 

Speaker 2: If you balance it out like one less chopping-trist. 

Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly. 

Speaker 2: It's a fraction of buying groceries, and then my kids might as well get the same style. 

Speaker 1: Yeah, a better yeah. 

Speaker 2: Here's another example of getting that door shut in your face. I just realized Harrison has one more year at preschool before he goes into kindergarten. And I thought oh my gosh, i'm at that crossroads. There, all your kids are going to be in school And I can go back to work. I can have something for me all day. And sometimes I thought about all these years because I don't know if my body will stand behind a chair doing hair, yeah, and it just breaks down so easily throughout the day. 

Speaker 2: So I've always thought about doing ultrasound. Ultrasound It's been something that even in high school I wanted to do. But I listened to my heart and got it. Tell me, and it'll go do hair, and I'm glad I did. I've always wanted to do ultrasound and I started looking into it. Oh my gosh, i'll be 57 years old before I can even be working And that's what I'm going to do in my 50s. So I felt like a big door gosh, but I think, but I don't know when I'm going to school And I have to obtain a four year degree before going to your school. 

Speaker 1: But let me tell you, when I was in college there was like I never will forget, i swear. I mean, you know, when you're in college you're in your early 20s. So somebody who's probably 65 seems 80, you know to you. And now I'm like oh, you're probably way younger. Because we're getting older, we think everybody else is like our age or whatever. You're never too old to start if something that you're not part of it. 

Speaker 2: But there's also something I was hoping to do in my 50s as well, and I didn't realize that. I just tried this flip through my head And so, and then I hear that little voice in my head Your aunt went to college and was on the dating list and was single mom of two young kids. And I'm thinking, well, if she can do it, why can't I? totally. And I remember they lived around family. They had a network. 

Speaker 2: They had people to grab the kids that they needed to. I don't count that. My discurrency is different, and so I go through a wheel of beating myself up. Why can't you do it? You should be able to do this, but my square peg is not fitting into that. Everybody else is round. You know what it should be. 

Speaker 1: Well, I guess the question that I would ask myself if I were you is I mean, is it something that you're truly passionate about, Or is it just like a floating thought? 

Speaker 2: It's something I've always thought about. I don't feel like this is my calling in line, but I feel like I'm at the crossroads where you have to act now or waste your time. Does that make sense? 

Speaker 1: It makes sense, other than I'm not sure time is wasted. I'm not sure. I'm not sure I'm on that. I'm on that That road, because I don't feel like time is necessarily wasted, because I feel like there's always time. We can put the time into whatever we truly want to do. So I guess that's what it is right. Like, okay, your, your youngest, is going to be going off to school, so time there, there will be more time in the day for you. But maybe you're actually in this phase of like, what do I want to do? And you're not really sure. 

Speaker 2: Rather, because like I'm going to spend another two years trying to figure that out And the next thing you know, i'm going to be 55 years old, getting out of school. You know what I mean. It's like I need to ask now that I'm not 55, leaving college, i might be 50. But what if we move again? 

Speaker 1: That's always the thing. Yeah, I'm sure you could find something nearby. 

Speaker 2: I mean, that has always been the case in one of our places where there was no resources. 

Speaker 1: So that is definitely the struggle, and being like and being a military family with a constant moving, and why they're the spouse that is not in the military sometimes has to, you know, be more bendable, you know. but I think that, again, if that's something that you truly really want to do, i mean there could be. I don't know if you've done a lot of research on it yet or not, and I have no idea because I've done this not something I want to do, but I just feel like somehow, some way, whatever it is that you want to do, like you can make it work. I truly think that. 

Speaker 2: That's truly the thing, but I'm trying to imagine your future. I know I said I'm just being a hear myself talking Like you heard your friend speaking. that way You would be trying to. It's like a veil immediately comes over me. Well, you're a military wife Probably moving. We're going to be 50. You can't do that. 

Speaker 1: But who says you can't? that's what I'm saying, like who says you can't and who says it's your wasting time? I mean, it's your. I mean, yes, of course you could sit around and twiddle your thumbs and waste time, but you know what? maybe, looking back, that's what you actually truly needed for that time. You know what I mean to try to. and maybe the ultrasound, maybe that's not truly your calling and it's just something random that popped in your head. I don't know. I mean, or maybe it truly is. 

Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I'm always wanted to do. Just I did her, which is a, you know, apples and oranges, really. 

Speaker 1: I mean, but so many people change. I mean I'm not necessarily doing what I went to school for, right, and I have been away though. Well, big umbrella, yes, right, like big umbrella I am, but that's why I'm always like you know what, like with my boys, i'm like you can go to school, go to school, but I'll tell you, right now you could be 30 and 40 and completely switch what you want to do, because really, who the hell knows what they want to really do when they're freaking 18, 19 years old, going into college, like I'm sorry, you know, like so I didn't want to go to the military. I just not wanting to look back and have a regret that I could not move with. 

Speaker 2: Well, and then, i guess, regret. I can always have cool, but there's just something I'm often able to, and I guess those things like what you that I mean. I've said this before in a previous podcast to like, maybe writing down, like, what are your specific needs or accomplishments that you want to do? 

Speaker 1: I think a lot of it just boils down to being and I know I'm not going to say this, but it's so bad of valid human being to get. What do you mean by valid? What do you mean by valid? What do you mean by valid? 

Speaker 2: What does that mean for you? What does that word mean to you? I'm trying to think of the best way to explain it so it doesn't get lost. Sometimes white thing knows it, and cleaning up would see diapers. That's what I've done for the last 15 years And so I feel like that's all in both life and good to do Making sure there's grocery in the refrigerator, making sure my kids are doing what they need to be doing to get ahead. 

Speaker 2: I feel like it's just mind-boggling not really contributing myself for my future, even though I know what I'm doing is important. It's not irrational, but I feel like if I'm part of the workforce and needed solving the problems that I'm going to face, i don't know if I'm conveying my point So yeah, as a mom, when your kids are like you have two that are school age, but you have one that's not yet go through so many things And I don't think that a lot of people really understand and recognize those transitions, because you have who you were before you came a mom. 

Speaker 1: Then you have a mother who's like you know. Now you're a mom and you're wiping snotty noses, you're cleaning dirty butts, you're washing all the dang clothes, making sure everybody gets fed, you're the safety, security. You are all that And not that the dads don't contribute in some ways, and there are some dads where that they have that role. You know. So nothing against the dads here. And then your kids, first transition, which you had it with the first two, but now you have this third one that's still at home. So you're still in that like they need me a lot, like one of them at least still really needs me a lot, but in a couple years he's going to be off to school, like now. 

Speaker 1: You're in this transition period of like, like what do I do with myself now? because now all three of them are going to be at school And I think, instead of having that, needing that validation from like well, i need to be doing something in the workforce or whatever. Now, if you want to do that, that's one thing, but if you're doing it because you need that outside validation, that maybe you need to question the real reason why you're doing that. Is it because Christine really wants to do that, or is it because she feels like other people will value her more because she does that? 

Speaker 2: And that's the thing, part of the thing. 

Speaker 1: And the thing is is like you are part, you are part of the the breath tribe right, like you're a pivotal part of that membership and those people value you And you are part of your. you know you're a friend. you know what I mean. People do call on you. I mean I obviously think you're amazing. I wanted to have you on the show Right. So like I feel like what you have to say is valuable. But I do also understand that there is that transition period that you are going to go through and you're slightly type A like me. So two years in advance you're already thinking about it, like what am I going to do in the next, in two years, when he goes to school? And in a way I like that stuff because and you're worried about wasting time, girl you're not wasting any time you're thinking about frickin two years in advance. Okay, girlfriend. 

Speaker 2: Because knowledge is power. Knowledge like all the serenity and all the possible outcomes. Then I might be able to deal with stuff like that, or yes? 

Speaker 1: Well, and then, once it gets there, you're going to feel like, well, I already went through all these thoughts, whether they are rational or whether they are valid thoughts. I already went through all these thoughts and now I'm here, two years later. 

Speaker 2: And now I know what I want. 

Speaker 1: Yes, And so like, within the next two years is your time to dig deep And and I feel like you've already started the process within this year of like finding that little spark inside of you already. And now you're like, Oh, maybe I want to do this, maybe I want to do that, or I don't know. should I do that? you know so, now, in these next two years, taking that time through breathwork, through community, through like people have known you, or and just through your own internal, like dialogue and work, to see what is going to come. 

Speaker 2: I should start growing more of my future into my meta teaching. Yeah, exactly, i think it's starting small. I think starting small with the best advice Mm. Hmm, it's a little nibble. 

Speaker 1: Yes, Yes, yeah, yeah, that's a great idea and a solution that you've come up with. Where now, when you go into meditation, like what is my future self, what is my future self telling me? and and then maybe also another thing that came to me is going back to like backwards in time and what age were you? where all these feelings come up of, like discouragement and should have Oh, i should be doing this and that, like where is that coming from? to like maybe in in meditations, like what age were you then? and then having your future self come in and be like having a conversation you know, younger Christine or whatever, whatever she you know and then like future Christine, and then bringing them together in a meditation to kind of see what doors open up there and what insights you get. 

Speaker 2: But again, the fact that we're even talking about this, about you going into meditation and doing that, is like brand new, because, well, yeah, i'm just sitting here thinking if I was the mother Christine this time last year that I would be consulting with myself via meditation for breath work, I would be like what the hell We can stop you right there when you go down from creepy train. Yeah. 

Speaker 1: Or slowly. Exactly, exactly, see. So that's what I'm saying. There's just so much. There's so much more to come in these next years, And then you're going to go through the next transition, when your oldest one graduates, and then you're heavenly to at home, then the next one's done, then you just have one at home, then you have none of them at home and you're. But at that point you're going to be even more just, since you're already starting the, the path, the foundation and the brickwork. 

Speaker 1: Yeah, and the path of like liberating yourself and not losing yourself and not putting yourself on the back burner all the time. Of course, there's sometimes where we got to put ourselves in the back, for whatever reason. right, everybody does. 

Speaker 2: I mean common sense. 

Speaker 1: Yes, but like liberation is what's coming to me, for you right now, and you're going to be liberated in these years, as they. 

Speaker 2: I'm shitting out my old scaly skin. 

Speaker 1: Yes, yes, yes you are, thank you so much. 

Speaker 2: I just love you And I just I'm now, i would feel it, Had I never met you, you wouldn't be sitting in the. You know what I mean. 

Speaker 1: Well, and that's why my intuition was like Christine has to go on this, this retreat with me, because you got you know, friends listen to me, but they only listen to me for so long, so long before they're like Oh God, here she goes again with something, and I know I want to say that I'm a bit Yes, and retreats are just so powerful and Yeah, they are, because there's no outside like noise coming at you. Yes, yes. 

Speaker 2: And the way she said it out was so like everybody was immediately sharing for the first 10 minutes All of us talking and everybody's immediately sharing. And I'm like, yes, there's a comfortable girl. 

Speaker 1: What I love so much is that, and really what makes me so happy for you is I felt, and I feel that finally, like you're starting to see yourself the way I see you, Like I see so much strength and power and grace and liberation and freedom and fun within you And like I, like I got emotional during the retreat because I just like I felt you starting to feel that and see that within side of yourself And I was just like hell yeah, like, yes, she finally like she sees herself So thankful you have me going because it was like changing. 

Speaker 1: Well, thank you so much for being on the show. Love you. Thank you so much for listening to today's podcast. If you enjoyed it, please leave a comment and a rating. I'd love to hear from you.