Visibility Anxiety Explained: How To Calm Your Nervous System And Show Up | Cheryl B. Engelhardt EP 213

Your palms sweat. Your throat tightens. You hover over “publish” or “send,” and suddenly your brain goes blank. Why does showing up feel so unsafe—and how can we move through it with courage?

In this episode of Create the Courage to Be Fearless, we sit down with Cheryl B. Engelhardt, two-time Grammy-nominated composer, artist, and certified trauma-informed coach. Cheryl shares the tender story of a courageous creative leap: two weeks after losing her best friend and collaborator, she boarded a train across the country and told her fans she might make an album on the ride. That moment of honesty, uncertainty, and action became a turning point—and opens a wider conversation about visibility anxiety, performance fear, and nervous system regulation.

We dive into practical strategies for healing the source of fear, not just managing symptoms:

• Grounding exercises and present-moment techniques
• Inner child work for self-compassion
• Speaking to the part of you that believes being seen is unsafe

Cheryl also explains Rooted Results, her framework for aligning creativity, productivity, communication, and confidence—by calming the nervous system first. Whether you’re a creator, entrepreneur, or professional, this episode gives tools to step forward with courage, clarity, and fearlessness.

🎧 If this episode resonates, subscribe for more conversations on courage and visibility, share with a friend who’s playing small, and leave a review to help more creators find it.

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I look forward to connecting with you Anita Mattu https://linktr.ee/AnitaMattu

Transcript

Grounded Nervous System And Results

Cheryl B. Engelhardt 1:06

When our nervous systems are grounded and rooted, we are able to go get the results that we want in our life. I think that that idea of connecting the dots between how how we work at our lives, how productive we are, how we communicate um the results that we get in our life are directly related to our mental agility, our mental wellness, our nervous system regulation.

Courage On A Grief Train Ride

Anita Mattu 1:27

Today's guest is Cheryl B. Inglehart. Cheryl is a two-time Grammy nominated composer and artist whose music spans, commercials, films, meditation programs, and choirs. Her work has been featured in Forbes, Grammy.com and People and has been streamed more than four million times. A Cornell graduate, she's performed with Sing and Pentatonics and built a career at the intersection of creativity and entrepreneurial ship. Cheryl is also a certified trauma-informed coach, helping her clients connect a regulated nervous system and with bold creative results. Welcome, Cheryl. Thank you. What is one of the most courageous things you have ever done? I love that.

Cheryl B. Engelhardt 2:24

Right off the bat, we're just getting into it. Um I think I think it was uh this train trip I took in 2022 in January. It was two weeks after my best friend had passed away. He and I had written a musical and done a lot of work together. Um, so he was like not just a best friend, he was like a collaborator and a best friend, and he died of cancer during COVID. And I just needed to get out of my house, but also I was exhausted from the grieving from just from everything. So I was like, you know what? I could get a little room on a train, go across the country and like stay in bed all day, but like watch, you know, get the movement, get the get the travel in. But that wasn't the brave thing. I think that that was just like I have crazy ideas and then I do them. I'm a I'm a dreamer and implementer. I know there's a lot of people that are just one or the other and they marry each other. I am one of the rare, like, I have a crazy idea, then it happens. So I have to kind of watch what I say. But I think the scariest thing and the bravest thing I did was I thought, what if I took my computer and a little keyboard and tried to see if any music came out? And I told my fans over email ahead of time that I was thinking of maybe making an album on this train ride. And that was scary for a couple reasons. One, what if I didn't? Would I look stupid? Would I look like I made a plan and then I didn't do it? Was I just trying to like, was it clickbait? You know, like I have all these like, what would they think if I don't do it? And then the other thing that was scary was that I, when I say I'm gonna do something, I attempt to do it. So I knew as soon as I told them I was thinking about doing this, that it would probably happen. And that in and of itself was just, you know, I always have, I think a lot of creators, if not every single creator, has a little bit of what if they don't like it? So knowing that I was going to create something most likely. What if they didn't like it? But that that album that that did come out on the train ride was an all electronic, like, you know, it was wearing headphones and doing all the sounds and everything. It that is my first Grammy nomination of that album. So that that whole process of just like hitting send on that email, letting my my whole fan base know that I was A, struggling, B, gonna do this trip for just was calling to me and C was gonna maybe try to make some music on it. Um, hitting send was that felt very brave for some reason.

Anita Mattu 4:46

Yeah, that's absolutely courageous, completely, and not knowing. I mean, I think, you know, I like the fact that you say once you put it out there, it happens.

Cheryl B. Engelhardt 4:57

Yeah, I have to, I mean, I've said crazy things like, oh, what if it would be so fun to tour in Switzerland and then like the next year my friend's family invites me to their house in Switzerland, and then I meet a guitar player and he takes me on tour opening for this huge act, and so and I'm like, wait, I that's so random. Like Switzerland, that's so for me, for my like that's so random. So I really have to. So sometimes I'm like, I say to my husband, I'm like, what if we did that? He's like, he's like, what is this like magic witchy thing that when you say and I'm like, ah, okay, so I I do have to I do have to watch it.

Why Being Seen Feels Unsafe

Anita Mattu 5:31

Wow. That's brilliant though, absolutely brilliant. So what happens when people feel nervous about being seen? Because that's the thing, isn't it? Yeah, people they want to be seen, they want to be have an audience, they want to have fans, but at the same time, it can be nerve-wracking. I mean, let's face it, one of the biggest fears is being on stage.

Cheryl B. Engelhardt 5:55

Public speaking, yeah. That's like been studied and proven over and over again. I think, you know, at the core, especially for artists who want to be seen in their head, they're like, this is my goal, is to be have this many followers, this many sales, this many, you know, whatever, which requires being seen. Same with entrepreneurs, anyone that's online, in their head, they're like, I want this. But then when it comes time to hit, send or post or publish or pitch or you know, anything, there's a somatic experience separate from like, I know I want this, but then the body's like, uh sweaty palms, anxiety, and then, you know, enter subconscious self-sabotage where we won't hit send, we won't take the action, or we'll we'll not put all our effort in, or we'll have a little snark, or something, like we'll do something that we'll lose that opportunity. And I think this for the most part, it comes back to at some point when we're little, we were seen and it didn't go well. And that can mean a number of things, like someone laughed at us or bullied us or attacked us, like any number of things where someone saw us and it didn't go well. And that little kid version of us needs to be able to be heard and healed. And we have to have a conversation with that younger version of ourselves. And we, if we don't, that little kid is running the show still today, subconsciously, of course. But that's the thing we feel in our body. It's that little kid memory that's like embedded in ourselves saying, Hey, hey, hey, if you're seen, it could not go well again. Remember that time? Remember that time it and that's being for me, it shows up as anxiety, like raised heart rate. For some people, it's it's more of um like I've seen I've seen someone in conflict just like literally throw up and get sick right afterwards, and then they're fine. Like it can be anything, but it is very usually very somatic. It's not thoughts we're having. The thoughts we're having is like, I really want this, or I know I'm safe, but why what's happening here? So it's it's very common performance anxiety in in many forms. And now that we have the internet, which allows us to be seen and performing in a lot of different ways, not just standing on stage and singing or speaking. Uh, it's it's very common.

Anita Mattu 8:13

And does that fear ever go away?

Cheryl B. Engelhardt 8:15

It absolutely can go away because the the fear is not necessarily, it's not like uh I'm scared of this. It's it's an evolution, it's like built in our DNA, right? Like, if we're seen, the tiger is gonna come get us. Like our body's reacting as if that's the case, right? So if we can go back and heal that first event, the first time that happened, the first time that pattern was created where when I'm about to be seen, my palms get sweaty, or when I'm about to get seen, I become a total jerk. And, you know, then I don't have to be seen because people kick me off stage anyway, right? Like we create some sort of survival mechanism so that that thing doesn't happen again. So, so there are some conversations, some inner child work. There's a whole bunch of different modalities that we can do to go get to the source of it. Of course, there's a lot of somatic things we can do to kind of deal with the symptoms, which there's there's a lot of stuff out there, like different breathing techniques. There's a lot of um, you know, eat something sour. There's a lot of stuff to deal with the symptoms and the effects of anxiety, which is something I had worked on for years and years and years. But I was like, I want to get to the source of it so I cannot have anxiety about maybe being anxious. And the anxiety over whether or not I'm gonna have anxiety started to feel like there was something bigger than just putting the band-aids on the symptoms, um, the somatic symptoms. So yeah, there's you absolutely can get rid of it. I I now like I just a couple months ago was singing on stage with it was an arena with this huge vocal band, Pentatonics, and it was for 19,000 people. And there's not one moment in the process where I felt that performance anxiety can't come up for me. Whereas I used to feel it all the time, whether I was standing in front of 10 people or 20. And I think that also comes with experience and trusting yourself and knowing being prepared and knowing that the music's memorized and like all of these other, there are many factors. But if you're check if you've checked all of your normal boxes, you can still have that performance anxiety. But I've I've done that work to go back and heal, because I had it. I had it. I like I had my moment and to be able to talk to that little kid and be like, hey, you're safe now. Here's I can give you what you needed then, but didn't receive. I can give that to myself now, and I can give that to you in this conversation. And there's a lot of different ways to do that. So absolutely the fear can go away. Um, sometimes it will pop up, like you'll feel a moment of like, oh, and I can just say, Hey, I've got this. You feel that? There's no tigers chasing us. That thing's not gonna happen again. Um, and you can just kind of have these conversations with those versions of yourself to to really mitigate it. And maybe it won't go away forever, depending on what the thing was and how strong the memory is, but you can absolutely get your power back around it.

Anita Mattu 11:08

And I think that's the thing, isn't it? Getting your power back around it. I mean, it's yeah, embracing it and okay, that happened then, it's not happening now. There's a big thing about, you know, being in the moment as well. Yes.

Cheryl B. Engelhardt 11:22

Yeah. And really there, I mean, there's techniques about like saying five things that you see, five things that you smell, five things that you taste, five things that you can feel. And that really brings you back into the presence and get gets your head to take over a little bit more. Like, hey, like that that's still all happening cognitively, right? In the head. And that disconnect between the head and the body is something that is one of the sources of why it continues on. So we don't want to be too much up in our heads, but that's definitely something that you can try to drop into the body. Like, I'm seeing this, I'm feeling this. It is a somatic experience to cognitively say that stuff and then to feel it in your body. Like, okay, I'm feeling wood, I'm feeling the rug, I'm feeling the cold air. And um, so yeah, anything you can do to connect that cognitive and somatic experience to the present moment, I think is very powerful too. Yeah, that's brilliant.

Pivots Without Whiplash Through Choice

Anita Mattu 12:10

Listeners, are you hearing all this? Come on, you can do this. If anybody's struggling at this, you can do this. And there's gonna be a lot more tips as well. How do you make pivots feel intentional instead of like whiplash?

Cheryl B. Engelhardt 12:27

Yeah, sometimes you just have to like stuff comes up in life, circumstances that are coming at you, and it might feel like, okay, this is time to make a change, or this feels right. I I often say to my coaching clients, like, don't let your feelings run your business unless you're being intentional about it, where it's like, okay, I'm I'm gonna, I have two choices in front of me. And I say choice instead of decision, because you can always choose again. Decide, just a tangent here that I I love linguistically, semantically, um, decide C I D E that ending. It's the same same ending, the Latin uh homicide, suicide, um, genocide, it's to kill something off. So when we think we have a decision, we have to decide something that internally, linguistically, what's happening is we think that if we choose this one thing, we are killing off the other option. We can never go back to it, we can never choose again. And that sometimes, especially for anyone that doesn't like commitment, it feels like it it can feel very like we're trapped inside of the decision, even even if both options are are totally great. So I use the word choice. When a choice shows up in your life, you can always choose again. Like every morning you wake up if you're married, you wake up and you're like, I'm choosing to stay married today. I don't feel trapped because tomorrow I could choose to not be married. And I say this to my husband, he's like, um, I'm like, today I choose you. I choose to stay married. He's like, Great. Tomorrow I may not. But that gives you power. And there is power in choice. So something happens in life, you have a choice. Do I need to move or do I'm do I want to leave this job? And there's a pivot, and it can feel like, oh my God, this is gonna change everything. It's gonna be too big. And the fear around just moving forward with the choice usually isn't about the choice itself, but about our own capacity to handle the choice and to handle the pivot. So if you are thinking, like, oh, I don't want to make this choice yet because what if I hate it and then I can't handle the disappointment or I can't handle. So one of the things that I tell myself all the time is I am able to handle my own big emotions. I'm able to handle my own big emotions. A lot of people, uh especially musicians I know that are pitching to try to play a big venue, they're like, oh, I don't, I don't want to pitch that because like what they're probably gonna say no, and I don't want to be disappointed. I'm like, so let me get this clear. We're not not taking the action because we're afraid of the no, we're afraid of our own big feeling of disappointment. So that our inability to trust that we can handle our our own feelings is actually the thing getting in the way, not the fear of no or the feel of failure or the fear, like the stuff that we hear out there. It's just the fear of our own emotions. So if we can say, yeah, I have capacity, or if we can say, you know what, I don't think I have capacity to hold this, what work do I need to do so that I can expand my capacity to be with my own big emotions? That's when you become unstoppable. I forgot what your question was. I have tangented three times since you asked me.

A Creative Pivot From Pop

Anita Mattu 15:31

I think you've answered it. It's absolutely fantastic. And to hear that in the way you've just explained it, having that capacity because of the fear is another way to look at it. Absolutely. Yeah, the rejection. Yeah, absolutely. So, what did a messy pivot look like for you? Hmm.

Rethinking Impostor Syndrome With Evidence

Cheryl B. Engelhardt 15:53

Um oh man, I've had a couple, I've had a couple in the past since COVID, 2022, 2020, man, like the next four years was like, I was like, what is this curse? Um I'll go to a really simple one that was actually just a creative pivot for me a couple years earlier. For a decade, I put out piano pop singer-songwriter records. I toured with a band, kind of like Cheryl Crow, Sarah Relis, Alinus Morset kind of music. It's me, Cheryl B. Engle. Um, and I had a really good fan base, and uh, and I communicated with them mostly over emails, and they would come to my shows and traveled all over the world. And then I got, I was also a freelance composer writing music for different projects, choirs, and and commercials and films. And I got an opportunity to go to Greece with an artist residency. And this resident, there were 12 of us, it was like a painter and a sculptor, and I was the musician, and it was this tiny little half-abandoned town on a mountain in Greece. You took a ferry and then a taxi and then a goat to get there. Like it was just, it was ridiculous. Um, and I was like, all right, I'm gonna write a lot of text, like words for some choral pieces that I want to write for this choir. Um, not thinking that I would have anywhere to actually like do a lot of music, but they I got them, they're like, and here's your studio. And I walked in and it was this two-story high, like stone cave with a grand piano in the middle of it. And I was so glad I brought my really good microphone to record. So I knew I had two weeks to, I would never be able to recreate the echoes in that room, like in a studio somewhere. So I was like, I've got whatever I want to do, I need to do it at the time I'm here. And I wrote a bunch of different pieces, uh, 10, six minute pieces with the intention of trying to see if I could help with anxiety attacks. So instead of just saying, here's calm musical, you know, where when your brain's going and you're feeling all the stuff in your body, like that's not gonna help, right? It's just it's not big enough. It's not, it's not related enough. So these pieces all start like a little dark, a little chaotic, a little um, a little fast, almost like, can I meet you at the anxiety attack? And then throughout the six minutes, can we slow it down? Can we go from sad to happy? Can we um can we kind of unravel together? And that album had no lyrics. It was, and I did a lot of weird vocals and oohs and ahs, and I had a bell. So it was like a bell piano, and my voice isn't um, I'd like to pluck the piano and do these different, it was a very weird album. It was very experimental. And I was like, I'll just release it to see, but I just wanted to use the space and the echoes. And that album became number one on iTunes and Amazon and all of these platforms in the new age category. And I was like, but I'm a pop artist. And I started getting more and more um, you know, added to playlists, and and and I was like, am I a new age artist? And then I COVID hit and I did another album um at home that was kind of in that new age enya, a couple lyrics here and there. And then the third new age album I did was The Passenger, the one on the train that got the Grammy nomination in New Age. So when I had first done that first New Age album called Luminary, I was so nervous to tell my fans, hey, I'm I'm going from pop to new age. I think this is, it feels like home. I can have lyrics, I can be esoteric, I can bring in strings and piano and do things, but I don't need to follow this very strict kind of pop verse course, verse course, bridge, verse course format. And um, and I I hit send on that email to them, and they were like, Okay, cool, tell us when the album comes out. And I was so nervous about making this pivot and thinking I was gonna lose my whole fan base that I built for 15 years. And I was like, shame on me for thinking that they only listen to one kind of music. Like, who listens to just one kind of music, you know? And that that was that was a pivot creatively. Like, and I haven't really gone back. I've like incorporated my singer-songwriter stuff in my choral work and some of my new age work. But it's that was that was huge for me to say this feels better. And to what I thought at the time was abandon 15 years of a of a singer-songwriter pop career. And it wasn't that at all. Usually I think usually the pivots are they seem bigger when they're we're approaching them. And then when we're on the other side, we're like, yeah, no big deal. Just cool. It's done. It's cool. That's done. Oh, I did that. That's why it's so hard to look back and be like, what were the big pivots? Like, yes, I moved, and yes, I separated from my husband. We decided to get back together. Like, those were all pivots as well. And I look back and I'm like, those felt mountain, like mountains, you know, and to be on the other side of them is such a relief. And it's yeah, you know, hindsight is 2020.

Anita Mattu 20:26

Absolutely. Have you ever experienced imposter syndrome?

Cheryl B. Engelhardt 20:31

Imposter syndrome is so tricky for me to talk about. Uh, and I and I hear it so much with musicians and the artists and the creative people and even entrepreneurs that I work with. I think early on, like in my early 20s, when I was still in college, I was an intern at a hip hop recording studio, which for those of you who don't know, it's that genre of music and and recording studios in general, still to this day, but definitely back then are 99% at the time run by men. And so to be able to come in and be like, hi, I'm like your assistant tech and the intern here. And my next job was at a jingle house with mostly men, I was the tech person there. And I I had to kind of step into the room like I knew what I was doing because I felt like I had to prove something. And I wasn't the secretary and I wasn't the you know, person delivering the coffees. Like that was not, I mean, when I was an intern, I was, but once I became the assistant tech and then like I really had to like the first thing people see is like, you're the girl in the room. So therefore you must be XYZ. So right off the bat, I'm at a disadvantage and have to like like I would often just like walk around holding a like cables in my arm so that like it was clear I wasn't gonna bring them coffee, right? Like I that was a thing. I think I kind of had to beat out the imposter syndrome early on. But I know it's a thing. And I and I think for for most people, imposter syndrome, it feels like I like there's this narrate narrative of I don't belong here or I'm not quite good enough. And I think it's much more prevalent with women, although I do know and have spoken to men about about it. Um, I think it comes with the idea that there's some bar. And sometimes if you're applying for a job and you need to have XYZ credentials, like sure. But that's not gonna be a catalyst for imposter syndrome. You're just gonna be like, am I qualified or am I not? Where the imposter syndrome comes in is where we create the bar. And it's this invisible, unspoken standard that may or may not exist, usually does not. And then we're measuring ourselves up against this imaginary thing versus what our actual skills are. With my clients, I talk a lot about their evidence locker. Like this this place where we keep all the evidence for reasons we should do something or reasons we shouldn't. And usually the evidence is that we like to gather and we label and is really well organized. It was like all the ways this went bad in the past and the reasons I should never do it again. And what I like to focus On is hey, are we being very mindful and labeling and being organized and giving as much love and care to the evidence of, hey, remember that time this went well and we didn't celebrate it and we just skip right over it because we're on to the next thing because we were in survival mode. So I really focus on wins in my in my group coaching membership. Uh, I we talk about wins every single call because even if you don't feel like you have a win, there's an energy around and a learning of, oh, if I can just notice the little littlest thing is it doesn't need to be like I want a Grammy. It can, it can be anything is like, I didn't want to show up to this meeting, but I went anyway. Like the wins can actually give you the confidence to stomp out that imposter syndrome. And we just are so good at noticing all the failures, especially if we grew up with someone pointing them out, right? Like that just got ingrained that we look at the things that are wrong and go try to fix them rather than celebrate every little thing that went right and build up that evidence in.

Anita Mattu 24:05

Yeah, absolutely. I couldn't agree more. There's always more negativity to look at than actually what happens if it goes well. Right. Look at that.

Cheryl B. Engelhardt 24:17

I mean, I I have clients that are, and I honestly I have had to do this work for myself, get better at celebrating. Um, the 10-year anniversary of my my mastermind is coming up in a couple in a week in 10 days, and I decided to do 10 days of celebrating. And every day I'm like, oh God, I gotta post again. And I'm like, no, this is this is celebrate. This is like letting it be a thing for me. But I have I have people that are like, oh my God, this really good thing happened. I'm so surprised. And what we try to do, what I try to do with them is say, let's shift that narrative to like instead of I'm so surprised this went well too, of course it went well. So that we're more surprised when it doesn't go well, and we're just normally just like, of course that went well. And let's celebrate. Like, and it's when I'm when we point this out, it's um, it's really extraordinary when you start noticing when you're surprised, how often we're surprised that stuff goes well. Like, why wouldn't it? We said it was gonna go. We get to say how it's gonna go. So if we say it's gonna go well, it's not that's not us sitting here crossing our fingers. That's like taking actions, having the conversations, doing our own work to expand and and be able to somatically hold success. Like it's going well because we are, we said so, and we're doing the work. So why are we surprised when it goes well? So that's the kind of the last little like, you know, thing to adjust around really kicking imposter syndrome out is of course it went well because I prepared for this. I'm skilled, I've I've done the work, I'm, you know, I'm supported by myself and by the people I've surrounded myself for. You can list a hundred different ways why that's an of course incident rather than a surprise. Oh my God, I can't believe it.

Fight Flight Freeze Fawn Explained

Anita Mattu 25:54

You know? Yeah, absolutely. What's happening in the nervous system when fear shows up?

The Price Of Staying Invisible

Cheryl B. Engelhardt 26:02

Uh any number of things. It really depends on the person's stress response. You've heard of fight, flight, freeze, appease. Um, appeas, also known as fawn, meaning dispeople pleasing and uh appeasing the other person or situation. Um, based on early on, again, we go back to childhood to say, okay, when something went wrong really early, we developed a survival mechanism that worked and we got the need met, and we said that's never gonna happen again. And for some people, that's I'm out of here. I went and hid. For other people, it's just I'm just gonna stand still. And like, I remember um I was at like a horse farm with my sister and my mom. I think I was like six or eight or something, and she was she's two years younger than me. And there's a pack of like the barn dogs, like big German shepherds that were chasing a bunch of crows, and they were running right at us, and it felt like, and I don't know if my sister actually saw the crows, but I did, and I just stood there and I went and like screamed, right? So kind of like a freeze response. My sister started running, and then the dogs started chasing her, and one of them bit her. And so that that was like a uh a nervous system response that like went really badly, right? And so there's a lot of anxiety around like even having that response. But depending on what your response was early on, like your body is gonna kick into that memory and say, okay, like I need to run or I need to freeze or I need to like let me talk it out. Cause when I'm cute and funny, like everyone else around me like calms down and like that's my role, right? The people like the funny kids are funny because there's they it's how we get love, right? Especially if it's the thing that soothes soothes conflict. There's a million and one different scenarios that could have formed your particular fear response. And so what's happening in the nervous system is it's recalling back to what worked in the past. And the funny thing is, is that it doesn't matter what you did because you're still alive. So, unless you are dead, this conversation does not apply to dead people. But if you are alive, whatever happened worked because you are still alive, right? Like the that is the point, the brain is working to keep you alive. Like suffering is not, it doesn't matter, right? I remember being in a in a program studying this brain science stuff, and someone shared that she had gotten cancer and was really, really sick, and she had been, it was weight related. Um, and so she had cut out sugars and all this stuff, and she kicked cancer's butt, and everyone was really happy. She's like, But I still want to eat chocolate, and sometimes I'll eat chocolate even though I know that my body will respond in this way. And why is my brain not saying, hey, that put you through hell because you had a chocolate addiction or whatever the thing is? And the response was, your brain, you're still alive. And and maybe your brain is even going so far as saying eating chocolate helps, right? Because suffering doesn't matter. So the fact that you're still alive, no matter what you did, to develop some sort of fear response, your nervous system is going to call back, hey, that thing that I did worked. So getting the sweaty palms or hiding or ghosting someone or running away and just, you know, whatever the thing is, it's just recalling back to the first time that worked.

Anita Mattu 29:27

Why do talented people say invisible? Because that's quite big for a lot of people. We want to be seen, we want to do these grand big things. But yeah, there's something inside us keeping us invisible.

Cheryl B. Engelhardt 29:39

Yeah. I think it goes back to what we were talking about with there's some subconscious block that is telling us to somehow sabotage or not take the right action or spin our wheels because we were seen a while ago and we haven't healed when that went badly. I really think that like for every client, and I've had I've coached over a thousand artists and creators and entrepreneurs, and they it is always the same thing. There's always so, oh yeah, that time, and it's never been talked about since, right? And the second we start talking about it, we're not reliving it. We don't want to time travel. But that is um, I think that's a really important little bit of work too. And it's it's not that hard to do. So uh I think that that can be the source. I mean, there might be a a number of other things and factors to look at, but for the most part, if it is a personal, your own, like, I feel like I'm I'm blocking myself. That's usually what the block is. It's a it's it's not a today version of yourself blocking you, it's a past version of yourself blocking you. Um, what's the cost of playing small? I mean, I think that's very individual. It depends on what it is you truly want. You're probably not getting it or not clear on how to get there. And whether that's a lifestyle or a you know, a life choice or it's a specific career goal or romantic goal. Like if if you're playing small and not wanting to take risks because in the past risks didn't go well, um, you're gonna be, you're just gonna be with the same what you have. And if that works for you, that works for you. But um, I my guess is there's something a little bit more out there for you.

Anita Mattu 31:16

Can you give us one courageous step listeners can take today?

Cheryl B. Engelhardt 31:21

This could be the start of having, I mean, I I much prefer to do this facilitated, but we've talked enough about it. If you can recall back to an early age where you were seen and it didn't go well, like someone laughed at you or or whatever it was, and and kind of sit and you know, close your eyes and say, hi, this is me of today, talking to that kid and and say, What did you need? And ask it questions, like what did you feel? Um, and just see what like pops in and then have a have that conversation. You can also do this if you write in your dominant hand as you today, and then ask the write out the questions, and then your non-dominant hand, so if you're right-handed, then the younger version of you would be represented by your left hand. Um, and you can just kind of see it could be a journaling exercise if you're more of a visual writer person, um, and see what comes out and and see what you can say to that little version of you and say, Hey, can you trust me to handle this now? Are you okay with me doing XYZ? And, you know, just loving on that, that little kid version that that's gonna get you started at the very least.

Rooted Results As The Core Takeaway

Anita Mattu 32:27

Yeah, I love that. Thank you for sharing that. If there's one key takeaway you want every listener to walk away with today, what would that be?

Cheryl B. Engelhardt 32:36

The m methodology that I that I've sort of coined is rooted results. And I think it's the idea that when our nervous systems are grounded and rooted, we are able to go get the results that we want in our life. That's the name of my retreat, Rooted Results Retreat. And I think that that idea of connecting the dots between how how we work at our lives, how productive we are, how we communicate, um, the results that we get in our life are directly related to our mental agility, our mental wellness, our our nervous system regulation, whatever you want to call it. And I I I see more and more people connecting the dots, but they've been so singular. Um, marketing and productivity and getting yourself out there is very separate from, you know, self-care and all this stuff. But I I don't think that's the case. So if we can really wrap your head around like these two things are related, and there's a way to integrate them and and stop being such a cognitive being and drop into the semantics and not have them be fighting each other, uh, I think that opens up a lot of expansion and peace.

Where To Find Cheryl And Retreat

Anita Mattu 33:37

That's brilliant. Thank you for sharing. So, where can the listeners find you online, your book, your website, Cheryl?

Cheryl B. Engelhardt 33:44

Uh, rootedresults.org is uh you can find a lot more about my retreat and my speaking and coaching and all that stuff there as well. Um, my retreat happens every May. It's just this we do all of this work in four days in this beautiful force. So that's um it's like my favorite thing that I do all year. Uh but all that is is at rootedresults.org.

Anita Mattu 34:07

Thank you. Thank you so much for sharing your insights, your wisdom, and your experience with us today. By doing so, you've not only elevated creators, but creators and professionals, you're helping people step into greater courage, visibility, and lasting change. I truly acknowledge you for the impact you're making and the lives you're transforming. Cheryl B. Inglehart.

Cheryl B. Engelhardt 34:35

Thank you so much for having me.

Anita Mattu 34:37

It's my pleasure. We're all about create the courage to be fearless podcast here. What is your definition of courage?

Defining Courage With Emotional Truth

Cheryl B. Engelhardt 34:44

Oh, I'm I'm so traditional with this one. It's taking action in the face of fear, uh, but also acknowledging that the fear may be a fear of your own uh emotions. That's my little tag to to the traditional definition.