This episode covers :
What are boundaries?
Specifically, what do time boundaries actually mean?
What are some specific examples you can set time boundaries for yourself and for your kids?
Some food for thought:
Before you mentor your kids around time boundaries, do you need help clarifying what's your time boundaries?
Book your free 30 min session with me or leave a message.
I am here to listen and help you come up with a schedule that fits your need and will support your parenting journey!
Relevant episodes:
New offer!
Free Parent Talk around Healthy Boundaries.
As a certified parent coach, I can help you own your parenting style!
Want to connect?
Join the Bonding Boost Newsletter (We'll keep it short & sweet)!
This episode covers :
What are boundaries?
Specifically, what do time boundaries actually mean?
What are some specific examples you can set time boundaries for yourself and for your kids?
Some food for thought:
Before you mentor your kids around time boundaries, do you need help clarifying what's your time boundaries?
Book your free 30 min session with me or leave a message.
I am here to listen and help you come up with a schedule that fits your need and will support your parenting journey!
Relevant episodes:
New offer!
Free Parent Talk around Healthy Boundaries.
As a certified parent coach, I can help you own your parenting style!
Want to connect?
Join the Bonding Boost Newsletter (We'll keep it short & sweet)!
Hey, and welcome back to the Playground Talks podcast. I'm Temi Efy at your host and the mother of three kids, ages four, nine, and 12. I'm also a certified parenting coach by W C I, which is World Coach Institute, and which is credentialed by the. International Coaching Federation. So I started this podcast over a year ago. Unbelievable. the Playground Talks podcast just celebrated one year in February 22nd, 23. And so in the first year, we had people talking to us and teaching us and giving some advices. And today, we'll, Some episode, which I'm gonna dive into boundaries, which many parents finding challenging. And what do I mean by that? I mean . What does it mean to set boundaries? Does it mean that I need to limit my child discipline to control, to put so many rules to say no? Like what does it actually mean? And so I dived and made a little research around.. one of the research that I actually used is episode number six with Brianna from Conscious Mommy. If you haven't listened to that, highly recommend to go and listen to her. But anyway, today we'll start with the basic of what is boundaries and we'll dive into one specific boundary, so boundaries as Brianna. Taught us, it's actually not about limitation and discipline and control. Boundaries is all about connecting and protecting ourself. And what do I mean by that? So boundary is when you ask yourself or your kids it, what do you need and what do you want? When you set those expectation with the people around you, like family member, your kids, your colleague, whoever you can think of, when you set those expectations, this actually make your relationship stronger. When you set those boundaries you have a healthier relationship. The other thing is that you protect yourself. Cuz when you talk and you set emotional boundaries, intellectual boundaries, material boundaries, physical sexual boundaries and time boundaries, you actually protect yourself. So there is actually a great quote that I would love to share with you from the book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Thompson. And the quote goes like this, a boundary shows me where I end, and someone else begins leading me to a sense of ownership and. I'm gonna repeat it. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins leading me to a sense of ownership. So whenever we talk about boundaries, first of all is to define for yourself. What are your boundaries? What do you want and what do you need? And. When we talk about our kids, I highly, highly reco, recommend, encourage your kid to do the same. Help them own their own boundaries and understand how they want to be with other people, how they want to communicate with other people, what makes them feel comfortable and safe and what not. So after addressing the basic of boundaries, which is , what do you want and what do you need? Or what do I want and what do I need? The six boundaries that Dr. Downton mentioned in episode 10 is material boundary time boundary, which we'll dive into today. Physical boundary. And sexual boundary. those two are a bit overlap and we'll focus on physical boundary just because we talk about kids ages two to eight years old, so sexual boundary are much less relevant. So we'll dive into the physical boundary, emotional boundary, and intellectual boundary. So in the next episode, Each episode will focus on one of them so let's start with time boundaries, which is basically one of my favorite . So time ery refer to how person uses their time. Which simply saying scheduling, but not only because setting time boundaries means understanding your prioritize and setting aside enough time for the many areas of your life without over committing. So I would start with saying, you as a parent, what's your time boundary? How much time do you want to spend with your kids? Have quality time? How much time do you spend working? How much time do you need? You know, just your time. I call it tummy time, but you can call it me time. And you want to work out, talk to your friends, you know, do whatever gives you joy. Fill up your batteries. So, . The first thing that I love to talk about in regard to that is that I love when I have an overwhelmed day and I need those 10 minutes to sit with myself and have a coffee. Then I would say to my kids, you know what? I just need the 10 minutes time alone, tummy time. Let's put the timer and then in 10 minutes I will be available to play with you. Read stories, you know, whatever we'll choose to do. By doing it, by communicating it a assertively. And effectively, I'm actually moding for my kids how to set their own time boundary. And just yesterday I picked up my kid and I was like, Hey naab, how was your day? And he was like, mommy, I need time alone. So , I was, I was thinking to myself, okay, he said, Just very clear, he is time borrow and that's not the time for me to keep nagging him. How his day, what did he eat? Who did he play his, and you know, all those kind of, sort of investigating question. So again, when you do it and communicate it in a very clear and respectful way, your kid is actually allowed, you are allowing your kids to do just the same. Area in our life where we might need to set those boundaries is, , setting play dates. So a friend of mine just said, Hey, , are you available like next week? And I was like, yeah, sounds perfect. However, we can have the play date between four to six because by six we typically have our evening routine. So is that okay with you? So pay attention that time boundaries goes to . When we meet for how long we meet, and as long as we set this expectation, then we can either say, yes, it works for us, or no it doesn't work. Or we can negotiate and say, well, you know what? For us it's even five 30 better than six. Cause my youngest just is so tired by six 30. So just to the point of., even when we set the boundary, it's still okay to negotiate it again as long as you do it respectfully. Also with your kids. You know, , my child could come up and say, Hey mommy, can I have another five minutes just to finish up building this train track? And I was like, okay, go ahead and do it. And just know that you might need to have a shorter shower. So again, also with your kids, it's okay for them to learn and to say that's, that doesn't work. Can we do something else and come up with an. negotiation skills is so important., I think I might have a whole episode around that. another thing that came up to my mind is, you know how you have play date and then your kids comes up and say, , I'm bored. I wanna go home. And you are having so much fun with your friends you're not up to leaving. And so , another thing about healthy boundaries, that it has to be mutual. The way you want your kids to treat you. It's the way you treat them. so talking about respectful and mutual relationship, you could say, well, give me five or 10 more minutes to finish up my discussion with my friend, and then we can leave. So let's put the timer. By the way, I love using the. and we will have an episode around time management where I'll give some deeper tips around how to use it and implement using a timer. And then the last point I want to mention is warning. It's not only that we come up and say, this is my time boundary, but also once we set that time boundary and we said, let's say now we have 60 minutes to play, it's crucial to come up and say, you've got 15 minutes before. It's the end of play time and we're moving towards, you know, evening routine. as much as you are. Looking at your emails, scrolling Facebook, I don't know, whatever you're doing and your kids is coming and nagging you to do something, and you are really just wanting to finish this email and send it over. It's the same thing with your kids, so be fair with them. And give them that warning. And also depends on their age. Sometimes they need more than one prompt. They would need like the 10 minutes prompt, then the five minutes prompt, then the two minutes where you actually help them move and transition to the next activity. Let's talk about what time violation look like. So first of all, not respecting when the kids wants to be alone. This is, again, neutral. So if your kids say, it's not a good time for me to talk about something, Then be respectful to that. Another thing is when someone is demanding too much of your time, and here I do wanna say like, I know kids have different personalities. Some kids, they need so much attention. Like they could play with you two hours in a row and you wouldn't be even able to go to the restroom. So in those cases, I know for myself that I am setting the expectation and say, you know what? We can have now a 20 minutes of a play and then I'll need a five minute break to check. I don't know my emails, so I am setting those expectations. Again, it's mutual. If the kid is demanding too much time, I can also come up and say, that's like 30 minutes. Then we do five minutes break, and then we can go back and play until six o'clock. Another type of time, boundary violation is when you. Ask from the kids to do some kind of task, some kind of chore. And let's say he did it really fast. Okay. And then you say, okay, he cleaned up the table so fast, then I can also ask him to now load the dishes. So, I know that as a child, I was really the type of , people pleaser, and I. I fell into this category of a kid that been asked to do something, and then I did it so fast that I've been asked to do another thing and another thing and I would do it. So I'm just pointing that out to say, Be fair with your kids. You know, if you ask one thing and they did it, , give them, the reward will be, they have more time to do whatever they want. And if you think that they can do more the next time, set different expectation. But like, don't take advantage of your kids. I guess that's what I wanna say. And then last thing about time boundary violation is when. One is showing up late or counseling. And you know what? as parent, and this can happen a lot as parent, that we over-committed to our boss, to our colleague, to our friend that just really needs to talk to us now. And somehow our own kids just being pushed away and were not. Coming and talking to them and have the capacity to listen to them. So this is something that I would highly recommend to just take a moment and think to yourself, how much time can you put your iPhone aside and really be present with your kids and really show up? Being in the moment, creating those magical moment, those joyful moment, the one that you want your kids to remember being with you. yes. So basically just to wrap it up, today, we started talking about boundaries in general. We said that boundaries are not, limitation and rule and discipline, but to simply set the expectation around yours and your kids' needs and want. When you do that, the outcome is that you connect and protect yourself. And a question to ask yourself is how much time do you want to spend with your kids? What's your time boundary Taking time for yourself, being with your spouse, working out? How do you want to set the schedule for the week? If you need some support to have some clarity around that, I would love to be there for you and listen and make it even more actionable. So in the show note, you can find link. Where you can ask a question and you can also find the link to book a free 30 minute session with me where we can just start and dive into what is it that you want and to have the clarity around. So thank you so much for me for this episode.. And as usual, treat yourself and your kids with compassion and curiosity. Bye.