#27 Sharing is caring! Is that so?? What do healthy Material Boundaries look like?
Mar 24, 2023Episode 27
Tammy Afriat
This episode covers :
What does a healthy material boundary look like?
How to prepare your kids for sharing toys before the playdate?
What's your material boundary (do you have to buy everything for your child?
Do you must share your belongings (let's say, smartphone) with your kids?
What does material boundary violation look like?
Some food for thought:
To whom do you feel comfortable borrowing things?
For how long do you want to share those assets?
How do you expect to have that back (clean? organized?)
How do you encourage your kids to set their material boundaries?
Before you mentor your kids around time boundaries, do you need help clarifying what's your time boundaries? Book your free 30 min session with me or leave a message. I am here to listen and help you come up with a schedule that fits your need and will support your parenting journey!
How to prepare your kids for sharing toys before the playdate?
What's your material boundary (do you have to buy everything for your child?
Do you must share your belongings (let's say, smartphone) with your kids?
What does material boundary violation look like?
Some food for thought:
To whom do you feel comfortable borrowing things?
For how long do you want to share those assets?
How do you expect to have that back (clean? organized?)
How do you encourage your kids to set their material boundaries?
Before you mentor your kids around time boundaries, do you need help clarifying what's your time boundaries? Book your free 30 min session with me or leave a message. I am here to listen and help you come up with a schedule that fits your need and will support your parenting journey!
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Hey. And welcome to the playground talks podcast. I am Tammy Your host. And today we'll continue talking about boundaries. So just as a quick reminder, Boundaries is all about setting the expectation of our needs and our wants. Or as a parent it's too. Encourage your kids to speak up and set their own burners what their own needs and want. And we started diving into the six type of boundaries. And if you haven't gotten the chance to listen to the first. Discussion around time boundary. I highly recommend. To check episode number 26 so today we'll talk about material boundaries. It's a nice one. And I'm saying it because I remember always thinking about. Materials when I roll up, it's something that we just must share all the time. Like once I hit a snack, I just have to give it to everyone around me. Or if I'm having this toy that I just got from my birthday, then it's obvious that I need to share it. You know, even with my siblings.. So I want to start by asking you. When you think about, let's say your car. Would you loan your car to a friend? Like, would you give it to every single friend of yours? Would you give it to. The whole weekend or just a couple of hours. And what about your house? If your spouse would come and say, Hey, you know, we have these slung tree power bout., swapping houses. Which do that. So, I guess some of you say yes, of course I don't care. And. I've done this. Lecture about setting boundaries. And most people. Are saying no. Like a big no-no. When it comes to the house. And when it comes to sentimental things such as my marriage ring and stuff like that, we're not willing To share that. So when it comes to our kids, Every item that they have, like toys, closing. You know, their Teddy bear, whatever they may have. It's important to realize that we need to help them set their material boundaries.. So healthy. Material ground hers is understanding what you can, what you cannot share and how. You expect to. Get these materials. These assets back to you, how do you want to be treated? For how long do you want them to borrow whatever it is. So let's dive in. Some example of how to set material boundaries. Are. For example. Your child is having this train in his hand and his friend is coming over and say, Hey, I want to play with it. And so the kid could say, well, you know what? This is like the most precious toy precious strain to me, and I'm not willing to share it. And if he says that that's okay. I know that. We tend to say a lot sharing is caring. But as you already understand, Even as told or not willing to share with us. So here I want to. Embrace Renee brown. And she says clear is kind. So for example, your child could say. I would love for you to try my toy. Let's swap toys or. Yeah, you can have my toy, but I want it back when I'm coming back from the restroom. So let's have like five minutes of sharing time. The other thing is. Your boundaries as a parent, for example, my smartphone. It's not a toy. the episode, we talked about screen time. And I actually embraced that phrase. From And ever since then, I. Decided that my smartphone is not a toy. It's my tool. And therefore, I am not sharing my smartphone with my kids. And it took a while. You know, there was some resistance and some, whining about, no, I want to phone just to look at the picture. And I was like, but you know what? That's something that mommy needs to have some phone call with. I'm looking at my emails. I need to respond to some clients and If you want to play with a toy, you can have a toy. And if you want. To look at the picture. You can use your iPad and see what picture you took. So setting boundaries, it's not only encouraging. Your key to set their own. Boundary, but also modeling for them. How do you assertively? And nicely and respectfully set. Your own boundary. Another example, is it parent, could it be. If you go to the store and there's so many toys around and your kids are saying, yeah, well these toys and these toys, and also this one, then this is your place as a. Apparent. To say. You know what you get to choose one toy. You know, As a parent, that's your material boundary, you know how much you want to spend. All in the toy and you can share that with the child. Not a week and like PD. Stand up point, but actually form. Em, empowering point to say, you know what? We have the money. And we choose to spend the money on whatever you do. Like, I don't know if a cation afternoon classes. Or. restaurant, like whatever your family opt to, and that's where you want to spend the money on. So you just. Share it with your kids and say, that's where we spend the money. And today , you can choose only one toy. The other thing that I want to touch is some example of material boundaries violation. So that happens if you were your child board, this toilet. And you've got it big. Destroyed. Or you never got it back. Or there's this friend who always borrow. At toy, but he does it for so long and so frequently. So , it's totally fine. To teach your child to say. You know what. I give you the toy last time. And I ask you. To bring it back after a day. Any, hold it for longer. So today. I'm not willing to share it with you. And also another thing is before you give the toy. You can always talk about. The specific, like for how long do you want to give it and how do you want to get it back? So last thing I want to attach is playdate. When you bring people over to your place and again, There is some. Decree of expectation that everything in the house and in the room will be shared. And the truth is, is not. If someone is coming over to my place, there could be some rooms, you know, my office that I'm not willing to have someone getting in there. So same with the toys. It's okay. Before the play date to ask your children. Is there anything that you're not willing to share with the friend? And if they say, you know, these precious Lego I just got for my birthday, that's something that I'm not willing to share with my friend. Then you can say, okay, our respect that let's put it away. So there will be no temptation for difference to play with it. And so we put away some stuff that we're not willing to share. And we can also talk about, so what are the things that you you would love to show with your friends and, you know, just grab the attention From the beginning to those things that your child is. Really up to. I have someone excited with him and play with him. So Again, material boundary is. Not about sharing is caring, but it's about clear, ease kind is brunette brown said. So whenever you or your child. Is asked to share something or you're asking someone else, just be sure, you know, what is it that you're asking for for how long do you want to have it And how do you expect. The thing. When you get it back. I hope it was helpful for you. I would love to hear your comment. So feel free to reach out to me. Through Instagram. Or through my website, which is wanting that boost.com. So it's B O N D I N G. B O O S t.com. Bonding boost. And I hope you will have a great weekend. Bye.