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This episode covers :
Episodes mentioned:
New offer!
Free Parent Talk around Healthy Boundaries.
As a certified parent coach, I can help you own your parenting style!
Want to connect?
Join the Bonding Boost Newsletter (We'll keep it short & sweet)!
Hey, and welcome back to the Playground Talks podcast. I am Tammy Afriat your host, and today we keep talk about boundaries. So first thing, if you miss the three first episode around boundaries, time, boundaries, material boundaries and emotional boundaries, I highly recommend for you to go and check that out. Those are short solo episode where I give like really specific idea what Barnes are and. How does healthy boundaries look like for you and for your child? And today we'll dive into physical boundaries. So when I started diving about this topic, I was surprised that physical boundaries is not only about the personal space, Like your room and your house, but it's also about your physical needs, such as when and what do you want to eat and drink and even rest. It also has some kind of overlap with sexual boundaries because physical boundaries also talk about how you want or your child want to be touched, so. We'll cover that as well. So, the main thing to remember when it comes to help your child set boundaries around physical boundaries is to help them and encourage them to say when they hungry, when they're thirsty when they tired, and they need to rest . How they want to be touched and will now start and dive into specific examples. So if you have this play date with other family and you have such a great time, and then your kids comes to you, and he says, Hey mommy, I'm tired. And you are like, oh, give me just two more minutes. I'm just gonna finish this conversation at this moment. It's hard to believe, but if we ignore the child expressing the need to rest and sleep and we just keep talking to our friends, that's kind of, physical boundary violation, and I always remember and remind myself to respect the fact that the kids asked to go home. And also to reinforce that, meaning that if I listen to him and say, okay, let's put a timer, and in like five minutes we'll wrap it up and go back home, he'll know that next time he's tired, I will listen, we'll go home. And there is no need for, you know, tantrums. Meltdowns , whatever you wanna call it, because he can simply express his needs., another thing is, if the kid says he's hungry, and in those cases I know many times there are some issues around food because we think it might be attention and other stuff. So I highly recommend to listen to the Healthy Heating Eating Habits episode, and I will attach this to the show note because, Karina Doni actually talked about that, so go ahead and listen to that. Anyway, in terms of physical boundaries, whenever my child is telling me I'm hungry, Even if I think that he is not as hungry and it just intention I'm like, okay, so go grow cucumber or peppers. So I do address the problem and I give them some healthy options. I also know that sometimes before bedtime, all of a sudden the kid like set 40 minutes in front of the food But when he's in his bed. And right when I'm saying, okay, time for off the light, he's like, no, mommy, but I'm hungry. So again, I'm like, Thinking to myself, is he really hungry or is just an attention? And in those cases, I'm also saying, you know what? Let's wait for about 15, 20 minutes, and if you can fall asleep because you're so hungry, we'll go grab something. But many times he confuses hungry with tiredness. And he really falls asleep. So this is kind of navigating the moment where you're thinking, is this like a really physical boundary that I need to address here, or there is something else that we need to address. Okay. Moving on the physical boundaries in terms of my body. So, for example, one of my kids at some point told me, you know what , I don't like kisses. I only like hugs. So I was really happy to hear that he can express what his physical boundaries looks like. So ever since then I said, okay, I'm not gonna kiss you. Only hugs. So not only to respect whatever they say. but Really encourage your kids to say, I don't like to be touched like that. Or this doesn't feel comfortable to me, I don't like it. Please stop it. All those things are the way of your child expressing physical boundary, and we need to encourage that. I also have an episode around sexual education for young kids, and I highly recommend listening to this episode because one of the things she said and was so powerful she said, you can start and model for your kids how consent look. Like, for example, if you change the diaper for your child, you're gonna say, Hey, I'm going to change the diaper. Is that okay? So when you do it over and over again, if someone else is coming, And doing something without the consent, this will be a red flag for your child saying, Hey, something is weird here. Maybe I shouldn't be here. so basically this is one of the way that we can model for our children how physical boundaries looks like. In terms of room and private area, I can tell because I'm 12 years old, so this is a really sensitive topic. When you just when you just enter the room without permission, you'll probably get yelled. And you know, in my perspective, that's right, like their room is their own space and I need to get permission in order to get there. With the younger kids, when we talk about, entering the room, so obviously having the habit of knocking the door before getting into restroom and explaining, so this is private area, that's why we have to knock the door before we get in there. So explain the why behind, why we respect each other. Physical boundaries. And model for them how to do it. And then at first you do it with them and then as time goes, just prompt them, Hey, did you remember to knock the door? Until they get independent and they just know to knock the door. There is another thing that I really like about. Your own space, which is the bubble. I don't know if you heard about it, but actually when I came to the US I was surprised that my kids was taught that in school. And I thought, that's brilliant. So the kids can spread their hands. And this is the distant that they would want to keep from other people to respect their own private space in the room. And so ever since then I embraced that term of saying, Hey, you know what? I feel like you popped my bubble. Can you please step back a bit? So I just think it's a great way to. Teach kids and make it more tangible for them to understand what is an acceptable distance between people and what it's too intrusive. When we talk about physical boundaries, violation, , we can mention, you know, Christmas or any holiday, you get to see people and. They come too close and Forcing the kids to give kisses and hugs. So again, I highly recommend listening to the episode when we talked about sexual education for young kids because she gave so many great tips of how to handle it and how to approach that here when we talk, I just wanna say if the kids is not willing to give hugs and kisses. It's okay. He can wave, he can shake hands. There are many ways to show your gratitude of seeing someone. It doesn't have to be physical contact. And so everything that falls under doing something, touching someone without consent, , touching , even if someone said no, for someone to keep walk even if they're tired, not providing food or drink when someone is hungry. And entering someone room without permission, all those falls into physical boundary violation. And that's about it for today. If you was intrigued with anything we said, if you need and you feel like you want to dive into that or address it specifically to what you are experiencing with your kids, Please book your free call with me. To see if it's a good fit for us to work together. I would love to support you on your journey of being the parent you want to be. And so that's it for now. Treat yourself and your kids with compassion and curiosity. See you next time. Bye.