The Four Types Of Singles | S5 EP130

Single can feel like one big label, but I don’t buy that. I’m Julius Marquise, and I’m pulling apart a question that hits your dating life harder than most people admit: what “type” of single are you, and how does that shape who you attract, who you frustrate, and who you actually build with?

We start with four single archetypes from a research-inspired article: the Professional (ambitious, structured, achievement-focused), the Carefree (adventure-driven, laid-back, flexible), the Heartless (emotionally detached, no-strings energy), and the Loner (solitude-loving, slow to connect). I talk through the best traits and the potential downsides of each, plus the real-world compatibility landmines like scheduling vs spontaneity, commitment vs freedom, and connection vs distance. If you’re into alternative relationships, kink, or nontraditional dating, this kind of self-knowledge makes communication cleaner and consent clearer.

Then I add six more “types of singles” from another self-report study: Happy-Go-Lucky, Where’s My Social Life, Quiet Sufferer, It’s Not Me It’s You, Maybe I’m The Problem, and Mixed Bag. I’m honest about the limitations of self-reporting, but I also show how these categories can help you spot patterns in self-esteem, stress, health, friendships, and family ties so you can date with more intention.

Listen, share it with a friend who needs a reality check, and subscribe, rate, and review Around the Kinky Kampfire. Which type are you right now, and what would you want to change?

Source material - https://www.yourtango.com/love/types-single-people-best-worst-traits

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/202405/how-the-6-types-of-single-people-differ-which-one-are-you

1/6/26

1/6/26

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Welcome back everybody to another episode of Around the Kinky Campfire. This is your host, the one the only HH Julius Marquise, or just Julius if you're feeling less fancy. I have another episode here for ya. And once again, we have to start with our ASMR5 seconds. 0.25 seconds now. It's getting shorter and shorter. And I'm still continuing to drink from the last episode the Sparking Likes Caffeine, Zero Sugar, Blue Raspberry Fabrier. Not a sponsor, but it is delicious, and I can drink it on camera. Cause it is an energy drink, and that's it, because it's a school night. Okay, here we go. The ASMR five seconds in three, two, one.

Welcome Back And ASMR

SPEAKER_00 0:52

Ah, I think we actually made it to five seconds that time. Oh my gosh. Mmm, so cold. Ooh, teeth hurt. Okay. So, before I start rambling about something random, we are going to get into the episode here today. And hopefully my phone will stay and act up correctly. Act act up correctly, not act up or work correctly. Uh, and today's episode, it is about being single. Did y'all know there is in general four different types of single people? I found this article and I thought it was fascinating and interesting, so I thought I'd talk to you about it here because we are a podcast focused on improving our alternative relationships. And as I scroll all over the place, I didn't even realize there was four different types of singles. Now you may find yourself falling into one of these categories, but don't you worry, it is just the label, and of course, nothing is really actually backed 100% behind science. Usually it's just for fun, or in general, you can't back it, call it backed by science unless you can actually test it out and be able to fulfill the scientific method. That is why it's called the scientific method, because it is backed

Four Single Archetypes Overview

SPEAKER_00 2:07

by science. So says the Julius. Okay, once again, hopefully, we'll put the links from these articles that I got this from in a description, but we will see what's going on here. Four types of singles. New research categories singles in the four main archetypes, providing insights that could help you reconsider how you present yourself online or in person. Uh study titled Cat Ladies and Mama Boys. Ooh, Mamas Boys. Ooh. Researchers from Simon Fraser University delved into gender stereotypes, which we know stereotypes are good for comedy, but they are not necessarily 100% accurate. Comedic purposes, entertainment purposes, however you want to put that. Do not just fall into stereotypes all willy-nilly. Um do your goddamn research, or just you know, get to know somebody before you just categorize them in something. Okay. Results results results results uncovered the best and worst traits among the four categories of signals. Now, these were self-identified, I'll tell you that right now. So, of course, once again, cannot be used in a 100% serious way. Not good. Okay. Let's go into the four different types of single people and the best and worst traits of each of them. Number one, the professional, characterized by ambition, hard work, and a focus on achievement. I will say for me, that is what I am probably most closely categorized as, because I like to focus on achievement, because I am neurospicy, ladies and gentlemen. If I did not make these notes and put a schedule on the counter to make these episodes, they would not get made. I would bet money on that. And I'm betting against myself, which is a goddamn shame, but I'm going to anyway. And I'll just tell you right now that if I didn't have a goal and some notes here, in general, not just for this podcast, I would be in a whole shitload of trouble because I would not get anything done. Not good. Okay. Single women that are professionals, often

The Professional Type Explained

SPEAKER_00 4:08

seen as successful, capable, and career-oriented, and ain't got no goddamn kids. No, I'm just joking. Uh, they may or may not. But uh, yeah, so professional women, goal-oriented, or career-oriented, which I will say is probably not that much different from the men's version, which are perceived as reliable, career-driven. Oh, there you go again, and progressing, progressing, possessing well-ordered priorities. And I will say Julius needs a well-ordered priority life, otherwise, I wouldn't get shit done. Okay. Best traits. Ambition is highly attractive quality. Yes, it is. There's probably on a lot of people's lists. You need you want to have an ambitious partner, preferably is the ideal situation, and I know I would agree with that as well. Strong work ethic is a sign of strong character. Okay. I will say probably just uh high self-confidence as well. You'll likely uh admire their dedication and drive. Hopefully, they are not um forgetting to spend time with you as a partner, that type of thing. Just putting it out there as somebody that has fallen into that too career-driven trap myself, and then also finding people that are career-driven. Hopefully, you don't get into that whole entire thing and um they uh leave some time for you. Okay, so this is good as well. Um not too much more to say about that. I just am that. I can't really add too much on there. Um, okay, potential downsides, career may take precedence over other aspects of life, um, like having kids, uh, or even just having partners and probably spending time with friends and family, too. It's probably, you know, more CEO presidents of companies, that type of thing. Could mean less spontaneity and more scheduled time together, which um I would prefer scheduled time, because once again, I'm neurospicy, so I'll forget days have even gone by, and it's like, oh, I probably should have done that like five days ago, but I didn't put it on my calendar, so I forgot. So, spontaneity is not the greatest uh thing for me, I will say it kind of dysregulates me. Um, doing a lot of spontaneous stuff. Do much so much better with just a schedule in general. Uh, if you uh value flexibility and free win adventures, you might find this archetype challenging. Um, yes, I will say, as the challenging one, I could I have challenged and frustrated many a partner because it's like I can't do last-minute stuff, and people still try to get me to do last-minute stuff. It's like I am not a last-minute person. I like my schedule, keeps me regulated, keeps me sane. Okay, just saying that for myself. So if you're one of those people, just be on the lookout for these traits. Okay, uh archetype, type, whatever it is, number two, the care free. My antithesis, my arch enemy right here. Embodiment of freedom of adventure, crave new experiences and maintain a laid-back lifestyle. Women are often viewed as creative, open-minded, and free-spirited. Men are known for their flexibility and having plenty of free time, so ain't doing shit. Bunch of hippies. Okay, that's a joke. Anyways, yeah, so the free-spirited people that are just willy-nilly about what their time and uh experience is like uh can we make a plan whatsoever? Oh, goodness, so tough. I didn't realize how hard it was gonna be

The Carefree Type And Compatibility

SPEAKER_00 7:37

about talking about this stuff because it's like, ooh, I've known about experiences and ruminated on these things, and I was like, I wish I would have known this earlier. This is why I didn't work out with so-and-so, and uh nobody else can't. I mean, if you don't click, you don't click. And people that are way on that side of the free-spirited type deal, carefree shit, uh, will not work out with the professional. I will say that as personally myself, having not even like done a deep dive on these different um types, it's like I already know, I already know. I can tell it right now the carefree, those four things is like eh, they ain't gonna work out. Okay, so best traits, uh the go with the flow attitude uh is contagious. Um love for life's adventures can be invigorating. Okay, uh, they'll keep you curious and open-minded. Sure. I would argue as a professional, I could do that too. Okay. Uh so yes, love for life is great. Uh I will say most of those people are usually more positive in general. I would say label myself as a nihilist and more of a realist, so it can be kind of gloomy, gloomy and doomy a little bit, uh, depending on how you take that information. But we're all gonna end up as dirt, okay? Heaven and hell are fantasy. And uh it's totally fine if you believe that, but it's like, okay, that could be a little bit more gloomy and doomy. Um like yeah, everybody's gonna be a butterfly when they die. It's like, okay, cool. You can believe that. I'm totally fine with that. Not necessarily um a thing, but sure. Potential downsides. Ah, now that's what we like to hear. Potential downsides, these hippie hippie people uh may struggle with commitment or long-term planning. Ha ha. You won't have any money for retirement. Uh, can also lead to instability, which might be challenging if you prefer structure as a professional. Professional. I prefer my structure. Thank you very much. So, yeah, I can see that being a structure if you can't nail somebody down to make plans with. It's like, oh, good lord, what are we doing here? Okay. Number three, the heartless. Ugh. Independence and emotional detachment. Gross. That's not good. Should not be that way. Um, so horrendous. If you end up getting somebody that is detached, that's no. Uh, women are stereotyped as untrusting and sometimes even labeled harshly and unfairly. The big old B word there is probably what I'm thinking of. The way they put this uh so-called thing. Men are often seen as emotionally detached and untrustworthy. Of course. If you can't be vulnerable, if you got your whole entire business under lock and key, and you can't open up to somebody, especially a potential partner, they ain't gonna trust you. You gotta be uh vulnerable, open, that

Heartless And Loner Red Flags

SPEAKER_00 10:34

kind of thing. So the heartless people, just no emotion in their whole entire business. That's not that's no good. No good whatsoever. Okay, best traits. Oh, looking for no strings attached, relationship. Um, you always know where they where you stand. I guess you're just a piece of fuck meat. Um, free from the typical dating mind games, so it's like wham bam, thank you, ma'am. I guess if you're looking for a hookup partner or friends with benefits, that's what you're looking for. The heartless. Oh, this just doesn't sit right with me. I can't understand this whole mentality in general. I do not sit with this archetype at all whatsoever. So carefree is like blah. These people are like, damn, this fucked up. Can't do it. Potential downsides as if I haven't named any uh enough already. Um tendency towards selfishness and emotional distance can make it hard to build a lasting connection. Shocking! I had no idea. Being heartless and untrustworthy would be a potential downside that uh makes it hard to find a lasting connection.

unknown 11:42

Whew.

SPEAKER_00 11:43

Uh may feel transactional, yeah. Dispenser, leading to hurt feelings over time. You don't say. I just feel sorry for you if you're one of those feelings type and you find a heartless person because they're just not gonna reciprocate your feelings at all at all, whatsoever. So sucks. Hopefully, we all get there, learn our lesson, and get out of there. Okay, and lastly, we have the loner. Value solitude and often struggle to form connections. Oh, are you great? Okay, women might be perceived as bitter or socially uncontrollable, uncomfortable, socially uncomfortable. Men are sometimes labeled as sloppy and immature homebodies. Okay, I will say with the loners, um, probably uh more of a geek nerd stereotype that would uh classify as this. I will say that's probably uh something that I'm assuming, just from my personal experience, this is what I see, is that a lot of geek people, especially the slobiness part of there, so you're too busy playing video games or board games or whatever, you know, wash your ass. Gonna be hard to find a partner that way unless they're a slob as well. So I'll just put that out there. That's uh what's going on there. So if you don't know what I'm talking about, this ain't for you. If you know what I'm talking about, this is the reason why you can't find a partner because you're uh doing too much into your loaner status here. So ridiculous. Best traits. Wow, okay. Introvert who values your space. Okay, so if you only want to hang out at a certain time and then do your own thing, get with a uh the loner. Uh also appreciate quiet reflective time. Okay, so if you need to regulate or self-regulate on a regular basis, self-regulate on a regular basis, this could be for you. Um, especially if you're the type that's like, you handle your business, I'll handle my business, and then when we're all good, we'll come together. It's like, okay, sure. It's a little bit uh loner and professional at that point. Uh okay, potential downsides. Ha ha can't impact your self-esteem. Um, so if you're with a partner that's like this, and you're getting nothing back, which is not so bad as the heartless. Okay, those are like the worst kind of human being. At least with the loner, it's like, okay, they're working on themselves. Working on themselves, and that's why you're not getting anything back. It's not that they just don't care about you, they're just so selfish and focused. Their social withdrawal can make it difficult to build a strong and supporting relationship. Yeah. Especially if you're one of those people, an extrovert, that needs to go out and get social energy from people. That would be uh a downside with the loner. Because as a uh introvert and going into my loner phase uh every now and then, that it's something that happens, and it's like trying to break out, but you just can't. And it's like I don't want to become I don't want to be seen as an asshole, but it's just you know, sometimes that's how it happens. I just you know gotta regulate and I gotta be by myself. It's uh it's not even like diabolical or anything, it's just something that happens. Okay, folks. Um, you might think uh that's all I gotta say, but there's more. I have six more from a totally different article, which I hopefully put the link to in the the um um description. Okay, so I've got six more types of single people um with different experiences. There's a person with the last name Walsh and their colleagues uh sorted out 562 single adults based on their self-reports, so another self-reporting uh analysis. Uh nationally representative samples, so I'm assuming that means all different types of races, cultures, and all these kinds of things. Presumably in America or uh England, one of the two, approximately every equal numbers of self-identified

Six More Single Types From Research

SPEAKER_00 15:39

single men and single women. 562 ain't shit. I'll just say that right now. That's uh uh especially if you're talking about countries with over a million people, it's like only 562. So, once again, got six more types, but not academically or scientifically backed here, especially since this is self-reporting. So I don't know about y'all, but I have a fluctuating week. Shit, I got a fluctuating day. Sometimes I'm happy in the morning and sad at night, sometimes it's vice versa. And could be like up and down during the day. So self-reporting could just catch people at a certain time. And also, I don't know about y'all, but I hate filling paperwork out, so I'd already be more pissed just by filling out this fucking survey. I'll say that right now. So take this all with a grain of salt. Okay, number one the happy go-lucky type. 19% of people enjoyed good health, low stress, and uh high self-esteem. So, what does that mean for everybody else? Feeling very satisfied with their friendships with family life, they reported the highest life satisfaction. That is very, very vague. Okay. Um, happy go-lucky people. They're just happy with their lives in general. Yeah, alrighty. Okay. Number two, where's my social life type? About 24% of people indicated strong personal qualities, uh, reporting high self-esteem, low stress, and good health. Reported good family relationships, suffer in their friendships, reporting a lack of closeness and low satisfaction. Where's my social life? Okay, so is that from them or because they were trying to get close to people and nobody wanted to get close to them? That's very interesting, and it didn't really say much more than that. Uh, contribute to them indicating only moderate life satisfaction because they can't form closeness with people and have low satisfaction. Um, and their friends, where is my social life? Fascinating. Um, maybe they're just in the wrong friend group and can't find the people that want to expose themselves or be vulnerable with them. I've known people like that trying to um get information out of me or somebody else asking very specific questions or intrusive questions, quote unquote. So that's interesting. Okay. The quiet sufferer type, uh about 27%. Uh report strong friendships and strong family relationships. Oh, that's pretty good. They're struggling with low self-esteem, high stress, and low and below average health. Only moderate life satisfaction. Okay. So the people that uh don't let you know specifically what's going on with their stuff, they just like suffer in silence. Kind of sad, really. That's too bad. Yeah, okay. But they have better relationships because they're the people will that will sacrifice their well-being for other people. So I see where that's going there. Okay. That's kind of rough as well. Okay, uh, next we have the it's not me. It's you type, fewer than 3%. It's not me, it's you. Damn. Marked by high self-esteem, minimal stress, and good health. So it's the narcissist. Uh for reports of strong dissatisfaction with the relationships, reported moderate uh life satisfaction. So, yeah, I can see why they're dissatisfied because they're focused on themselves and think everybody else is the issue. Like I said, narcissists. It's great. Oh man, that's so bad. Okay. Um, and next we have maybe I'm the problem type. Oh, good. 16%. Oh, 3% are not me, it's you. It's not, it's not me, it's you. Okay. All right. So maybe I'm the problem. Um reported poor friendships, poor family relationships, and poor self-esteem. So they were self-deprecating, and nobody else wanted to deal with that shit, is what they're saying. Okay. Uh Markedly high stress and below average health, because they're always worried about um anxiousness and stuff like that. Poor interpersonal relationship experience match their own person poor self-evaluations. So I think I'm shit, so nobody deserves to get to know me because I suck. Very unfortunate. Poor interpersonal relationship experience match their own poor self-self. Okay, I read that. Alright, comparative comparatively low life satisfaction.

unknown 19:51

Oof.

SPEAKER_00 19:52

Oof, oof, oof. So bad. Okay. And lastly, we have the mixed bag type. 8.7% reported decent friendship experiences, but indicated unsatisf and unsatisfying family relationships and low self-esteem, poor health, and high stress. So all of the shit put together. Personal struggles and difficulties in their own social relationships and low life satisfaction, of course. Okay, so oh man, you just everything all at once. Okay, alrighty, sure. Rep. Yep, exactly. Okay, okay. So those were the four plus six bonus ones that weren't very specific, but hopefully it gives you a good idea of what kind of single you are. And you can look at your um downfalls and the positives and hopefully work that out for yourself to find you a potential partner. Once again, this is around the Kiki Campfire, the alternative relationship podcast. So if you have any questions or anything or comments, uh hit me up on the Instagrams, social medias in general, the YouTubes, and the email. You'll uh I you'll hear the intro and the outro all about that kind of stuff. And uh let me know what kind of single person you are. How does that work for you? How does uh your dating experience um get dictated by the kind of single you are? If you're one of those professionals um and likes a schedule, it's always good to find a partner that

Picking What Fits And Reaching Out

SPEAKER_00 21:15

is good with the schedule and um especially with the meeting. Maybe you don't need to like schedule it all the way down to like what you do exactly and you know an itinerary of your time together, date, whatever it is. But it's good to always put like uh time on the on the actual calendar itself when you know who you're about to meet uh again. I will say, especially for myself, it just helps me mentally just set a baseline like that. Um, okay, so that's it. Uh, new episodes of podcast audio on Thursdays around noon Eastern and the video portion on Fridays around noon Eastern. I hope you catch this again. Thank you for downloading the people that are on a regular basis. Um, we're fluctuating now, I guess, because it's summertime. Um, the definitely the lower time of the year um for people listening and ingesting content. Because they're out doing shit. Good for y'all. When you come back and listen to this, um, and you binge it, uh, you can even message me then and let me know what you think. I'll still know. Just like reference the video. Like, oh, I'm that kind of single. I'm like, oh, I did talk about that. But that's all for now. This is your host, Julius Marquise, H H Julius, or just Julius, if you're feeling less fancy. And I'll catch you next time. Hello.