Love Is Not One Thing And Here Is Why | S5 E132

Love is not a single feeling you either have or you do not. It is a set of patterns, and once you can name them, you can stop guessing at what is happening in your relationships and start choosing what to build.

We walk through eight types of love using the classic Greek terms: pragma (mature commitment), eros (passion and desire), philia (deep friendship), philautia (self-love), storge (family bond), ludus (playful early-stage energy), agape (giving without expecting anything back), and mania (obsessive love that can spiral into jealousy and codependency). I also introduce a fun framing that makes the whole thing click: love catalysts. Think of catalysts like chemistry, the trigger that speeds up the reaction. We talk about how different loves can feel mind-driven, body-driven, soul-driven, memory-driven, or purpose-driven, and why that matters for communication and compatibility.

Along the way, I share practical ways to show healthier forms of love (effort, trust, gratitude, self-care, playful connection) and I push back on a few “nice-sounding” ideas that are not always real life, like forgiving quickly or assuming family bonds are automatic. We close by looking at how obsessive love starts, how to catch possessive behavior before you act on it, and how self-work and boundaries protect your relationships.

Listen, then tell me which love type you recognize in your life right now. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs better language for love, and leave a review so more people can find the Kampfire.

Source material -

https://www.ftd.com/blog/types-of-love

1/6/26

1/6/26

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Welcome back everybody to another episode of Around the Kinky Campfire. This is your host, HH Julius. Um, juxtaposition Julius. We're starting, we're sticking with the J's. I'm always a contradiction. I'm a walking contradiction. So we juxtapose um different things together. I'm gonna love it or hate it. That's pretty much how it is with me. So I'm introducing y'all to more of this. You're welcome. I'm your host, Julius Marquise, the full name, or just Julius. Uh H H Julius Marquise. That's who I am, and this is around the King Campfire. I have another interesting topic here for you, and we are going to get started. Before we do that, uh though, for the fans, as per the usual, we have the HMR

Welcome And Quick ASMR Sip

SPEAKER_00 0:51

five seconds. I have the dark the blue raspberry sparkling ice um caffeine version not sponsored. Once again, it's a little bit warmer now, so I will get to I may get two more seconds. Let's see. ASMR starting in three, two, one. Oh, yep, still cold. Still a little cold. Not all the way warm yet. Okay, we made it for a little bit. Alright, so a little bit lighter episode that we have here today for y'all. It is uh different types of love. Did you know there's different types of love? No? Well, you can listen to it here because I, Professor Julius, will explain it to you. Professor Marquise? I like that better. Professor Marquise here to explain it to you. That is right. Julius is here, and I'm going to tell you about the different kinds of love because if you did not know, that's a thing. Okay. So I will have the article in the uh description. This is from 2020, so six years ago. So night nice and marinated now. This whole entire concept. I will have to update this at some point in time. I will say I took

The Big Idea Behind Love Types

SPEAKER_00 2:07

this article because I did not know that there are this many different types of love. It makes sense after taking notes from this thing and then now talking about it with y'all. So that is why I'm sharing it with y'all. Okay, so think love occurs bet what? Think love? I think I did that wrong. Love occurs solely between romantic partners, but that isn't necessarily true. There are eight types of love in various relationships, such as with romantic partners, friends, family, and even strangers on the street. Weird. Understand the types of love you feel, and the catalyst for it, why it happens. Alright, so that is why I'm bringing this ardo. What is a love catalyst? You ask yourself, and I ask you through the interwebs. An agent that promo that provokes or speeds significant change or action. A catalyst. Like with chemistry, usually heat. Uh part I'm feeling a heat something now when I think about a love partner, part of yourself that enhances

Love Catalysts And What Triggers Love

SPEAKER_00 3:10

your experience with a type of love. Okay. For example, self-love is catalyzed by the soul, and affectionate love is catalyzed, catalyzed by the mind. Wahaha. Affectionate love is catalyzed by the mind. Really interesting. Self-love is catalyzed by the soul. Huh. I have to do more research on that myself. What does that look like for me? Okay, first we have pragma. Pragma love. Unique bonded love that matures over many years. That feels like an oxytocin thing, which is Julius' specialty. Love me a good oxytocin connection slash bond. Everlasting love between a couple that chooses to put equal effort into the relationship. Chooses to put equal effort into their relationship. Oh, that's a good good love hormone muscle being built right there, and I love it so very much. I love the love commitment. Commitment and dedication are required. Oh, that's the only kind I want. You're standing in love with the partner you want by your side indefinitely. So good. I would argue you don't even need a marriage contract

Pragma And Long Term Commitment

SPEAKER_00 4:21

for that. Love catalyst, etheric, subconscious. Subconscious drives partners towards each other. The feeling comes unknowingly and feels purposeful. Some would say it's a skill. You're working on your love skill. And some would say that Julius knows a lot about skills. That's pretty funny because Julius is saying what Julius is. For real though, y'all know I talk about social skills all the time. Doesn't that sound familiar to the love skills? It's almost like we're a relationship podcast. This is stuff we focus on. Okay, how to show pragma. Continue to strengthen the bond of long-term relationships. Seek and show effort with your partner. Always evolving your relationship. Good way to have a long-lasting love. Choose to work with your partner forever. Uh and then little bonus: gift a love coupon booklet. So the little bonuses they have here are like hard skills that you can use. So a love booklet. I know I like a good a massage coupon. Um I have trouble with arts and crafts, so I won't necessarily make an actual coupon book, but they can always turn the coupon in figuratively for um extra affectionate time. I will say that. Um pretty much every partner I have had and have, have, and have, have slash had, earns themselves a good old uh affectionate time from uh Julius here. So I like the fact that they put the little bonus in there of a love coupon book. Um solo date, a solo date, a date, a romantic date trip. Um is something I've seen in a coupon book um before. Maybe doing a tour that don't necessarily do. Oh well, yeah. So we know about the love languages, which is a different conversation that I've talked about before. Love languages, different episode. Go and check that out. Is that um there there are the five, and gifts is one of them. So it's interesting that they have the love coupon book. But I would say if it um crosses over to one of the other long love languages, that would be good. I know that's why I said massage, because that's you know, touch is one of mine. So that is um crossing over from gifts into touch. And I will say at the end here, I'll do a little um special analysis because the different types of relationship have multiple different types of love. Um, just a little foreshadowing. Okay. Uh, next we have Eros passionate romantic love that's often intense and infatuating in the early stages of relationship, primal love that comes as a natural instinct for people, passionate love displayed through physical affection. Romantic behaviors include but are limited to kissing, hugging, and holding hands, desire for another person's physical body. Um, I would agree with most of that, except for not so much the romantic stuff. Being aromantic, I am positive to it, but don't necessarily need it. Um, but we'll definitely do it if my uh partner so desires it. Uh we'll say the last one desire for another person's physical body. I do experience that. That is something I do. So touch being a thing, just the romantic parts of it. It's like

Eros And Desire Without The Script

SPEAKER_00 7:41

what? Kissing and hugging is good. It's uh the desire. Yes, uh interesting. Physical affection. Meh, physical affection. Um, love catalyst, physical body slash hormones. Your hormones awaken a fire in your body, must be satiated with romantic actions from an admired partner. This is a new area for me because uh a lot of these are making sense when you're talking about the hormones. Um, the catalyst here is interesting. Awaken a fire in your body, your hormones. Okay, it's like there's specific ones. Are we talking about dopamine or oxycoxytocin? Or there's like pregnancy hormones, um, testosterone, estrogen. What are we what kind of hormones are we talking about here? This is getting kind of scientific. Not necessarily my initial goal, but uh learning new stuff as well, uh, along with y'all. How to show arrows, admire someone's physical body. Uh yeah, yep, physical touch does hugging, kissing, romantic affection, bonus, steal from romance ideas. So back to the romance. Steal from romance ideas. Okay, all right. Um back to the romance, huh? We were talking about physical bodies. Hmm, okay. Very fascinating. If you have any romance ideas uh for me, please comment on the video below or go to the social medias or uh email me. Let me know. I will talk about them on a future episode. Okay, filia. Deep camaraderie love that's characterized by mutual understanding and goodness. Hmm. Love without romantic attraction occurs between friends or family family members, which is interesting because we know there's uh filias, different kinds of uh filias out there, which is um the attraction towards um not common activities, objects, um, or what we know as kinks and sometimes a fetish. I know for me, stigmatophilia is one of my favorites. Uh yeah, attraction to tattoos and piercings on a person.

Philia And Trust Based Friendship

SPEAKER_00 9:55

So this is where those philias stem from. Um these are all the Greek terms for all these different types of loves, and they kind of cross over to the um uh to other uh areas of science, which is interesting. Okay, love without romantic attraction occurs between friends and family when both people share the same values and respect each other. It's commonly referred referred to as brotherly love. So, non-romantic. So, yeah, get all dirty thoughts out of your head because this is not a um step porn genre. This is actual familial love. Uh, love catalyst, the mind. Your mind articulates which friends are on the same wavelength as you and who you can trust. How to showfill you, engage in deep conversation with a friend, be open and trustworthy, be supportive in hard times. Bonus, gift a gratitude card to a friend. Oh, interesting. Gratitude. Gratitude is good for building bonds, even brotherly love bonds, and also with yourself. So everyone should practice gratitude at some point in time. That's a good one. I like that. Gratitude card. Wow, okay. Alright, we got this one. Philacia. Philachia. Somebody tell me how I'm supposed to spell or uh pronounce that exactly. Uh, involves reorgan recognizing your self-worth and personal needs. You recognize your self-worth and don't ignore your personal needs. Begins with acknowledging your responsibility responsibility for your well-being, challenging to exemplify the outbound types of love because you can't offer what you don't have. Ooh, ooh, so good. Putting bars down. You can't offer what you don't have, um, person. Uh love catalyst, the soul. Your soul allows you to reflect on your necessary needs and physical, and emotional, and mental health. Ooh, man. So kind of self-love.

Philautia And Self Worth Work

SPEAKER_00 11:52

Create an environment that okay, how to show. Create an environment that nurtures your well-being. Take care of yourself like a parent would care for a child. Spend time around people who support you. Bonus, use flowers to boost your mood. So, flower psychology is a thing. Um, that is one of the uh interesting point that they say flowers here. So, this is definitely one of um your mind palace and creating a safe space for yourself is also good. This is um what I think they're alluding to here specifically, is uh especially spend the time with people who support you. Don't bring don't spend your time with people that uh bring you down. Uh take care of yourself like you do a parent with a child. I know a lot of people, especially if you're on the social medias, have heard of inner child work. That is 100% a thing that is going on. And one thing you should work on, because if you are having trouble with your inner child, how are you supposed to be able to um care for somebody else? If you can't, if you're parenting yourself, that's uh something you should probably work on there. Everybody has like an inner child in there that um dictates a lot of your actions and interactions with other people. Your eight-year-old self is still carrying those traumas around, and that can affect your relationships. Once again, around the kinky campfire is a relationship podcast, so um that is something we should all look out for. Just FYI. Okay, um, yeah, that is Philacia. Nailed it. Uh storage. Storage. Innate love that you feel for those you consider part of your family, such as your parents, children, or siblings. Um, naturally occurring love rooted in parents and children, as well as best friends. I say naturally occurring, not necessarily. Um, infinite love built upon acceptance and deep emotional connection uh comes easily and immediately in parent and child relationships. Ooh, I would not say that. Postpartum depression is a thing. Um goodness. Alright, so we'll put quotes around easily and naturally and immediately. Uh love catalyst, casual memories, memories encourage long-lasting bonds with another individual. As you create more memories,

Storge And Family Bond Reality Checks

SPEAKER_00 14:06

the value of relationship increases. Hmm, fascinating. Okay, how to sh how to show storage. Uh sacrifice your time, self or per uh person or personal pleasures, quickly forgive harmful actions. Quickly? Okay, share memorable and impactful moments. Bonus. Show how much you care with love words. Uh huh. Okay. Interesting. Show how you care with love words. Quickly forgive harmal. Um, I would not say quickly. I would say uh forgive um is forgiveness is a skill and a process. So I would say work through that, not necessarily quickly. Sacrifice your time and self- uh self or personal pleasures. Hmm. Yeah, self-sacrifice is a thing when you're talking about family. Um sometimes it's involuntary because they are family, so you just got to do it, which is uh I would say I would not have um a whole lot of experience with that as I'm not super close to a family, so that is when that this is a whole that sturge is more foreign to me. I will say that, so that is interesting to know that uh that is what it is c classifies as. Okay. Ludis. Ludis, casual fun lum that can be platonic and long-lasting, childlike and flirtatious, found in the beginning stages of a relationship, aka the watermelon sugar or honeymoon stage, or level one, if you're talking about the five stages of a relationship, uh, consists of teasing, playful motives, and laughter between two people. Couples who strive for this love find a more rewarding relationship. Uh, I guess. I guess you don't want to start not flirtatious. There needs to be some back and forth going on to let the other person know that you're interested. Um more rewarding relationship. I guess that's very subjective. What what are you looking for exactly? What do you consider a reward? Interesting. Uh love catalyst, astral or

Ludus And Playful Early Energy

SPEAKER_00 16:08

emotion. Your emotions allow you to feel giddy, excited, interested, and involved with another person. Um that I would agree with. Storage. Oh no, Lutus. How to show Lutus, flirting to engage in whimsical conversations, spend time together to laugh and have fun, exemplify childlike behavior together. Bonus, give a bouquet of roses. Why roses specifically? Why not lilies? Carnations, sunflowers. Some people like sunflowers. I would say find out what your potential partner likes. Um, since this is the beginning stage of the relationship, and then give them those flowers. I don't know why roses specifically. I guess it's that's more on the flirty side, because like, hey, roses mean love ya. I'm interested in your all your businesses. Um, let's see. Okay, so I only have a couple more. Good, because I only have a couple minutes left. I'm actually gonna get through this. Uh Agapi. That's how you say it. A-G-A-P-E. Um read the article, let me know if I'm saying any of these correctly. Agappi. Sacrificial love that often considered the highest form of Christian love. Ugh. Highest level of love to offer, given without any expectations of receiving anything in return. Uh a decision to spread love in any circumstances, including destruct destructive situations, not a physical act, it's a feeling. Aren't these all physic feelings? Okay. But acts of self-love can elicit a gapy since self-monitoring leads to results. Hmm. This is the most confusing one for me. Talking about Christian love. I'm like, what the heck? Uh highest level of love to offer. Yeah, given without

Agape And Giving Without Strings

SPEAKER_00 17:39

I like the fact that it's given without any expectations of receiving anything in return. I would say all forms of love should be that way. Kind of messed up if you're expecting something. Do you really even like the person if you're doing that? Hmm, ask yourself that. Uh love catalyst, spirit. Your spirit creates purpose bigger than yourself and motivates you to pass kindness on to others. So your motivation in life, your purpose. Purposeful love, maybe? How to show a gapy? Dedicate your life to improving the lives of others. Stay conscious of your actions for the good of humankind. Offer your time and charity to someone in need. Start um bonus, start a random act of kindness calendar. Um, pay it forward, I would argue. Okay, so this one is uh this the the giving one, giving of oneself. More power to those people. I will say that um the Doctors Without Borders, definitely shout out to them. The um Peace Corps, shout out to those people. I've heard some stories um over the years and definitely recently of the stuff you gotta go through about living in another country and man, I'm I'm more power to y'all. I am not one of those people to go out of that. Ooh, man. Yeah, I I can't do it, but I very much respect those that can. Uh okay, obsessive, also known as mania. Yay! Can be all-consuming and interfere with your life. Least unwanted jealousy and possessiveness. Codependency. Found in couples with an imbalance of love towards each other, imbalance of eros and ludis in the main is the main cause of mania. Healthy levels of playful and romantic love, the harm of obsessive love can be avoided. Um see, with healthy levels of playful and romantic love. The harm of excessive love can be avoided. Yeah, mania. Uh unchecked, unregulated, dysregulated um forms of love. Yeah, that jealousy and possessing if codependency. Not good. Should have more of your self-love. Um

Mania And How Obsession Starts

SPEAKER_00 19:41

to keep that unchecked so you won't have somebody else controlling that. Letting making somebody else in control of that, not not good. Um, love catalysts. Survival instinct drives a person to desperately need their partner in desperately, in order to find a sense of self-value. Gross. Um, how to avoid mania. Recognize obsessive or possessive behavior before acting upon it. Do yourself work, focus on yourself more versus another person. Put trust into your relationships. Ugh, man. Put trust into your notice. There was no bonus on this one. Do not let's not uh try to make this one bigger. Um catalyst is it, catalyze it. Uh good lord. Okay, so lastly, before we go, just gonna move on from mania. Um obsessive. The perfect combo for you. There are multiple different versions of all these different kinds of love that uh work out for you. Um, like a bouquet, utilizing a combination of different types of love can create something beautiful that leaves a la lasting impression. There isn't a perfect equation for every relationship, and doing um the self-work can provide a perspective on how to work various types of love into your relationships. I will say um you guys definitely know which ones work, which types of loves work better for me, myself that I have researched, still doing more experimentation, so we will see, especially some of the ones I haven't actually definitely the terms are new to me, but the the characteristics that bring them or the

Mixing Love Types And Closing Question

SPEAKER_00 21:18

definitions and everything of each one, I will do some more research, um personal research on. Interesting. So, which love type resonates with you? Hopefully, not that last one. Ooh, definitely need to work on that. Um but let me know in the comments, uh the YouTube comments, the uh Spotify comments, I think Intune does comments. Uh Intune. Uh iTunes uh does comments, so let me know or email me or hit me up on the Instagrams. Uh you will find all those in the uh intros and the outros of this very podcast, which is around the kinky catfire. I'm the juxtaposition Julius or H H Julius Marquise, the host of this here podcast. I hope to catch y'all next time and see you or listen to me, all those different kinds of things. But for now, that is all. Hello.