Depression: Stop Calling It Home

Depression has become so common that we've started treating it like a permanent address.

We call it a diagnosis. A disorder. A chemical imbalance. A way of life.

Sometimes, we even build an identity around it.

I understand the darkness because I lived there.

For the first half of my life, I was the tired person. The anxious person. The depressed person. I know what it feels like to reach the point where doing absolutely nothing feels easier than trying to figure out how to feel like yourself again.

I also know what happened when I stopped accepting that place as permanent.

This episode is not about pretending depression is easy. It isn't. It's not about shaming people for struggling, dismissing legitimate mental health conditions, or telling someone to simply “think positive” and get their shit together.

It's about something more uncomfortable:

What happens when suffering becomes so familiar that you stop believing you can leave it?

People can become experts at managing their misery while doing very little to change the conditions, patterns, relationships, beliefs, environments, or behaviors feeding it.

They learn to accommodate the depression.

They reorganize their lives around it.

They defend it.

They identify with it.

And eventually, they start calling the cage home.

That's where I have a problem.

Therapy can help. Medication can help. Support systems matter. None of those things can do the inner work for you.

You cannot outsource your healing.

Your therapist cannot live your life for you. Your medication cannot examine your patterns for you. Your friends cannot want your life back more than you do.

At some point, you have to participate in your own rescue.

And yes, I know what I'm asking.

I've been there.

I know how hard it can be to find the strength to move when depression has convinced you that movement is impossible. But I also know the difference between going through something and reorganizing your entire existence around continuing to live inside it.

This episode challenges the normalization of that cycle—and the dangerously comfortable idea that “it's okay not to be okay” means you have permission to remain there indefinitely.

Your pain deserves compassion.

It does not deserve permanent citizenship.

We are stronger than we have been taught to believe.

And sometimes the first step toward healing isn't finding another thing outside of yourself to fix you.

It's deciding you're done abandoning what's still alive inside you.

So if you've been depressed for so long that you can't remember what “normal” feels like…

If anxiety has become part of your personality…

If you've stopped doing the things that once made you feel alive…

If you're exhausting yourself maintaining a life that is making you miserable…

Or if someone you love has disappeared behind a version of themselves you barely recognize anymore—

this conversation is for you.

Not to coddle you.

Not to condemn you.

To remind you that familiar does not mean permanent.

You don't have to stay here.

Stop calling it home.

Transcript

0:00

People talk about how cripple the oppression or their anxieties through the roof or various reasons and I don't want to say I don't understand it but because I spent the first half of my life being that tired person that anxious person that depressed person and Then turning it completely my whole entire life just turned it around on my own I didn't have anyone to lead me. I didn't have until the end of Therapist, but that didn't turn out how it should have turned out because they were of no help And that's what led me on the path of seeking my own help and being my own champion So it does baffle me that when you get to the point where you are tired and you're ready to just hang it all up that you don't take that last little bit of energy that you do have and Figure it out for yourself now. I know that again being there. I know how crippling depression can be you don't want to do anything. You just want to end it all and it's done but The thing is depression and anxiety all of these things are not death sentences They're not normal. They're supposed to be emotions that we fail to push us, but instead people are making these these ways of living they're making them ways of being they're making them these things ways of viewing the world and that's not what we're supposed to do We're not supposed to stay in these emotions They're supposed to be temporary to push us in a positive direction But because the world is the way that it is people that have these Emotional imbalances are Living with these crippling things. So today I want to talk about getting out of those mindsets and those feelings. I'll never forget a friend said that she was diagnosed with bipolar 2 and I said, okay, good. Now we have a name for what it is that you're dealing with and even though in my mind I'm like so and so I Know where you're gonna go with this and she did she took it and ran with it because for the longest time she had been running She'd been doing any and everything being a serial entrepreneur doing so much but never really finding her own truth and happiness and This is just another one of those things now that she has a name for it. She's giving it life She's doing things and advocating for it and I don't want to say not the right way because she's she's only going as far as saying You can live with us problem. Yes, you can live with it, but you're not supposed to you're not supposed to keep it It's not something that's permanent. It's not no matter what you're told no matter what the drugs are making you think that you're being prescribed It's not a permanent problem. You aren't born with this. This is something that's congenital and you just went through life not knowing what it was No, these things for her developed after she lost her mom and but became her way so ever since then she's just been a completely different person and not the effervescent person that she had been Prior to her mom's passing. I say all of that and I use that as an example Because too many people are living living living With depression and anxiety when we're not supposed to there's no way That this is okay. We cannot continue to say, you know, it's okay to be to not be okay It's not I said this in my book. It is not okay to be not okay Because we're giving credence to these negative things and that's what we we've always done that all of the negative shit That happens in the world we give excuses for racism. We fight about that and there are people who say that it doesn't exist Like come on man. We need to take accountability for our own actions and for our own mental health That's not anything different. We have to take responsibility for making ourselves better and People aren't and that's why depression and anxiety is so rampant because people have normalized it It's not normal. It's extremely abnormal. We're not supposed to be these people We're not supposed to be depressed angry anxious all the time They're just defense mechanisms. They're ways of fighting or fighting They're ways of their various things that they are But the one thing that they're not is permanent. They're not crippling and People are making them Disabling now another friend that I loved early is the same way she has these mental health issues there again depression anxiety and That's it. So when I asked her What it could be coming from she has no clue. It's just that she's been feeling that way for so long It's become normal for her and that's not good if a person can't even Voice why they're depressed, but they've just been depressed for so damn long It just seems like normal for them that is a huge problem because this person no longer lives a normal life It was very active physically She you know in the community doing things helping people and so forth and so on now. It's like trying to pull teeth out of a shark's mouth Trying to get her out of the house It's easier to take your ass down to the damn ocean find jaws and play with that motherfucker Then it is to get her as out of the house with I've got damn minutes That's horrible. It's horrible There's so many people out there like that There's so many people who are living miserable lives and don't know why they're living miserably They're also making the people that are around them that love them that are trying to help them Miserable as well. So now we have a domino effect. We have other people who are attached to these people who are depressed anxious whatever That are now feeling these ways because they think that it is normal Depending on who the person is that they're getting this this contagious disease from It's not really contagious. It's just you know They're got to put the disclaimer out there sometime because people just really are Erkie There's no way for these people to be living like this and if a person is in an environment where a person is living that way And they look at this person and say, well, maybe that's the way I'm supposed to be Then they Start living but oppressed anxious life. That's why we have so many people that are emotionally fucked up right now the number is increasing and That's the wrong direction. It's supposed to be going down But the numbers are steadily increasing and that is a tell-tell sign that there's that and itself is a pandemic There are people all over the world who are living these kinds of lives. So what do we do? We try to help people understand The first thing is that these aren't as I always say Dessentances as people will go through their lives on these heavy tranquilizers They know that they're not living normally, but they have had to convince themselves that they're living normally We will put the effort into making our lives easier to live with a very negative low vibrating thing as opposed to putting that same exact energy and maybe less Into thinking differently changing our perspectives our paradigms and doing what makes us happy People who are depressed can't even do something that makes them happy because they don't depress through that whole process They could be something that used to make them just elated just the happiest person they could ever be and Now that same exact thing no longer brings them happiness that's not Anyway for a person to live this life is meant to be lived in full joy and happiness surrounded by love None of us are living in that. That's not what God intended for us God wants us to be happy Everything that happens to us happens for us. It may be hard to I guess break that down like I don't know how can something negative be for us? Well, that's the thing there's lessons in every single thing that happens to us if a person is going through something That they keep going through obviously you haven't learned the lesson I've mentioned this before where you're constantly tested and quized Just like when you were in school and that's how the universe figures out where the fuck you are if you keep failing these Act damn tests then the the lessons are gonna get harder Because you're not absorbing that information. So what the fuck does the universe have to do beat you in the head until you get it? So we can't keep blaming God or the universe and all of these things but these entities These omniscient entities at that are much greater than we are We blame them for our issues our sadness our depression our anxiety We blame everything else but ourselves. We don't take accountability or we don't find the strength to put into healing ourselves We choose to be sad, depressed and all of these bad things. We choose that shit. We really do choose our own paths When it comes to these things we choose to be these things like the the first person I told you about she's choosing to live with Bob Okay, then I'm happy that you have a name for it But I'm definitely not happy that that's what you're choosing to do but it's your life. I'll still be here and I'll show a different one Other than that, I can't support any of the things that you're doing to give that bottle of true life I'm not supporting that. That's not what a support system does a support system doesn't feed the problem They'll kick their friends ass into the right position and the right play That's what a good support system does So of course we've lost contact and let's touch meanwhile from what I understand she's had a lot of medical issues since She's had all kinds of things happen Those are the medication that she's on pretty heavy nothing got better No, she thought she was like finally now. I have a name for it I know what I need to do and I can navigate with that and I told her in the beginning No, can't you have to navigate out of it not through it. It's a difference We can get through anything but when you're trying to accommodate this illness and Changing your entire life for that you can't put that same energy and make those same changes for your life to get rid of it So that's what going through it is going through this is Making the adjustments Getting away from it and out of it is changing the entire situation So we're gonna figure this out. We're gonna figure out what people need because obviously A shit ton of fucking tranquilizer medication isn't what people need it may help to keep people off ledges and bridges But at the same time they're just sitting on the side of these ledges and bridges Not jumping. They're just sitting there thinking about it. Oh great But they're still sad and depressed. What's to say that they won't take that hurl? We need something that's more impactful than just fucking tranquilizing a person all the time That's not what gets people where they need to be It changes a person. It brings about more illnesses. We already know we see the commercials all the time for all of these drugs The side effects are worse than the damn illness. It's ridiculous So let's get out of that mindset. Let's go back to how it was back in ancient times when they dealt with mental health problems They always went to a Spiritualist hard of it whatever that was a shaman to them or tribe leader whatever it was a person that could lead them in the right direction A person that could advise them We can see therapists all day long, but we still have homework to do. So until we do that we're going to be the society of low-vibrating individuals So sad again being that person I was able to take that Energy that I had trying to figure out what was wrong and then my next step was to take it into fixing it I've always been that person. I've always been a fixer though. I don't have time for the details Tell me what the problem is let's fix this shit the end and Then everybody's happy we move on I've always been a problem software. So it was easy for me to transition to okay now I know I have a problem. Let me just fix a shit because I don't want the problem anymore and That's how it should be it's easier said than done. Yes, I get it It's always easier said than done. However, it's subjective If we think that conquering depression is going to be like climbing not ever us and go climb out nervous tell me which one you would rather do We make shit hard for ourselves our perspective shouldn't have to be or shouldn't be at all That conquering depression or anxiety is insurmountable because it's not true. It's only true if you make it true So when people say I'm tired, I'm just ready to be done with everything and blah blah blah Why because you haven't lived yet? What do you mean you're ready to be done with everything? You have a couple problems here and there and your world is over You haven't been through a half the shit that a lot of people have been through on this planet and These little bit of things that keep happening just because they keep happening back back to back look into why they're happening Are you weak? They need to get strong and that's what the universe is trying to tell you because what's happening now is real shit And we need strength for that. We all need strength for that And we all have to be in the right mind-frame for it as well Heart frame and everything so What do we need to do people? What do we need to do to get these loved ones of ours who are saying depressed and possibly suicidal? What do we need to do to get them to back to some normal thing? What do we need to do? People always say I don't know and you're like you do know there's got to be something that makes you happy and Then when the person figures that out. Oh, yeah, there's this. Okay, great. What do we need to do? Well, I don't have to come up with these uses Why you're using Beautiful time that we can't get back wasting beautiful energy To come up with these excuses as to why you can't get to that happy point or find that happiness that thing that makes you happy But you can't have it or can't get to it or get it whatever it is Instead of making these uses make a plan to get there It's all about what we do. It's all about our own responsibility Holding ourselves accountable promise where you don't need to be a zombie Be the walking dead instead of relying on external things look inside. Why do you need all the other people down the you? Fuck you already know you know what the fuck is going on if you hate your job and this making you severely depressed Then leave it be uncomfortable if you're leaving a job that you're making six figures You don't want to leave because of the money then you need to change your damn Paradox first then you can find happiness Because nothing should make you miserable and it shouldn't be money It shouldn't that is a very less fucking thing But that's the problem people are trying to keep up with the jones is they're trying to keep up a lavish lifestyle They're trying to breach out of lavish lifestyle and go broke in the process like no that shit is material We live in the world of Caesar and that's why we had these fucking impression and anxiety issues They're rampant Because too many people feel like they need to prove something to everyone else and not themselves They need to prove that they're at a certain position and make it to that point or you know and these are just examples They're plenty of people out there who are depressed for many other reasons. I'm going to press about their weight But yet they keep eating or eating the wrong things There are people who are depressed that they don't have a significant other but they keep Inviting in individuals that aren't vibrating high They keep bringing in those same types of individual that are vibrating on their level Which then makes them even more sad and depressed and it's just a horrible cycle There are reasons why people are that's just details The bottom line is we need to fix We need to fix and this is multi-cast This is because it's too rampant, like anger, depression and anxiety all of these things are running wild Through our communities and society It has no leash it has no Adjustment button. It's just running wild and it's affecting Everyone in some way Whether it's yourself is going through it or someone that you love But it's affecting everyone's lives So we need to work on that we need to work on it from the sufferers position and we need to work on it from the support system position Because support systems they're only as effective as the person that's suffering will allow So if a person that's suffering doesn't want help Then a support system can only do but so much they get forced the sufferer to do anything they don't want to do But at the same time it's like you're watching a person Just dissolve in their own problems There's a coming to things. They're not supposed to come to it's like backwards We're supposed to be strong We're made that way our brains are a powerful thing. We can heal ourselves from depression and anxiety We can get rid of it and block it so that it doesn't affect us in the future Once we've made it out Like it's a very simple process that we've made extremely difficult So if you're really at the bottom of this and you're like I have nowhere else to go I Cannot get anymore depressed that I am and I feel like I'm tired. I'm ready to give up. You have to want To be better. You have to want to be stronger than those things If you are depressed and it's crippling We just want to just lay under your covers for the rest of your life No one gets you can if you have kids you have a household or on things like that You can and you just make you more depressed because that's all you want to do But you have to do these things and it's like something else that you're being forced to do like I get it. I've been there But move that to you move all of that strength That you gift to everyone else all of the energy that you put into trying to accommodate everyone else Put that into you. It's okay to take a break from being everyone else's everything. It's all right. It's okay It's okay to take some time out for your own self-care So do that and during that time you heal You heal for good