Solo - Seven Actionable Strategies to Stop Rumination, Build Mental Resilience & Emotional Wellbeing.

Jason delves into what rumination is, how it manifests in our lives, and why it's crucial to break free from its negative cycle. He offers seven practical strategies designed to help you overcome these mental loops and reclaim your emotional and mental resilience.

Three Key Takeaways from This Episode:

1. Understanding Rumination:
   Jason explains how rumination traps us in a cycle of negative thoughts, affecting both our emotional and physical well-being. While reflection can be beneficial, persistent overthinking clouds judgment and drains energy.
2. Actionable Strategies to Break the Cycle:
   From reframing thoughts into questions to journaling and engaging in brief distractions, Jason provides actionable techniques to shift from a reactive to a proactive mindset. He encourages listeners to adopt practices like exercise and seeking external support to help navigate difficult times.
3. Building Resilience and Mental Clarity:
   By recognizing when thoughts stem from perceived threats versus real danger, Jason empowers you to differentiate between the two and respond rationally. The goal is to build resilience and self-leadership through intentional action rather than being trapped in unproductive thought cycles.

Episode Highlights:

• Defining Rumination and Its Impact:
  Jason outlines how rumination often involves replaying past events or anxieties about the future, leading to emotional stress and physical symptoms. Recognizing this pattern is the first step toward managing it.
• Converting Thoughts into Questions:
  One key strategy Jason suggests is transforming ruminative thoughts into tangible, solvable questions. This approach shifts the focus from unproductive reflection to constructive problem-solving, helping you regain a sense of control.
• Journaling for Clarity:
  Writing down your thoughts allows you to observe your inner dialogue objectively. Jason highlights how journaling can reveal harmful thought patterns and provide insights that promote healing rather than distress. Recording moments of positivity and confidence creates a toolkit to revisit during challenging times.
• Using Brief Distractions as a Reset:
  Jason introduces the idea of using small distractions like a walk or a game to break the cycle of overthinking. These moments of diversion can refresh your mindset and provide space for new perspectives.
• Understanding the Physiological Response to Stress:
  Jason discusses how recognizing when our brains are reacting to perceived threats helps us differentiate between real danger and unnecessary worry. This awareness leads to more rational and calm responses.
• The Power of Physical Activity:
  Exercise plays a vital role in clearing the mind and metabolizing stress hormones. Jason recommends incorporating physical activity into your routine, whether through workouts or simple household chores, to alleviate negative thought patterns.

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We will be kicking off Season 8 in August 2025. In July, we will be rerunning 4 of our most listened to episodes that share skills and knowledge about building resilience, well-being and living with intention. Thanks for your to listenership.

Chapters

• 1:23 Welcome to the Podcast
• 3:41 Overcoming Overthinking
• 7:17 Understanding Rumination
• 8:34 Practical Actions to Combat Rumination
• 17:13 The Power of Journaling
• 25:42 Gaining Perspective on Thoughts
• 28:59 Seeking Support for Overthinking
• 30:41 Concluding Thoughts on Resilience

Transcript

[0:00] Music.

[0:08] Welcome back to an It's an Inside Job podcast. I'm your host, Jason Liem. Now, this podcast is dedicated to helping you to help yourself and others to become more mentally and emotionally resilient so you can be better at bouncing back from life's inevitable setbacks. Now, on It's an Inside Job, we decode the science and stories of resilience into practical advice, skills, and strategies that you can use to impact your life and those around you. Now, with that said, let's slip into the stream.

[0:36] Music.

[0:44] Hey folks welcome back to the show i'm glad you could join me for another monday this week i am doing a solo episode and we are going to tackle the common challenge we all have and that is overcoming overthinking trying to squash rumination and negative thoughts and as you know we all get wrapped up in that. And if we get too far down that trail, well, then we go down the rabbit hole and we find ourselves lost in the warren of tunnels that we call rumination and overthinking. So today I am going to define what rumination overthinking is. And I want to share with you practical, time-tested actions that I use with myself and my client base to overcome rumination, to move from the subjective storm that we can get lost in that reactive mindset and to take a step back, to pause and to reflect and to find ourselves in a much more objective perspective, looking at the subjective storm that we were in that we call rumination. And I think that is a superpower. That is a superpower that we can all learn. It's a muscle, a cognitive muscle that we can all strengthen.

[2:00] And it takes practice, it takes self-awareness, it takes self-compassion and self-efficacy. And what I mean by self-efficacy, it's about taking action. It's about initiating efforts and initiatives where we move from outcome to effort, where we move from uncertainty to certainty, where we move from what we don't control to what we do control.

[2:23] And without further ado, let's slip into this week's solo episode. I'll see you on the other side of this musical.

[2:29] Music.

[2:42] We all overthink the presentation you have to give to the department leaders on Monday, the argument you had with a colleague last week, missing your son's recital, being late for your daughter's big game and missing her scoring the winning goal, things you should have said and things you shouldn't have. You know, most overthinking is relatively harmless. Eventually, something draws our focus and our thinking shifts. But at other times, it can be debilitating. A person finds the entrance to a thought loop but is unable to find the exit. Their distress heightens and they go round and around and around without a destination. Now this type of overthinking is called rumination and it's a dominant symptom of both anxiety and depression. Now the person plagued with anxious thoughts repeatedly plays out every permutation of how a future event will end in disaster. The depressed thinker? Well, he or she is haunted by regrets of actions and inactions of their past. In both cases, people get stuck on what they can't control and what they can't influence.

[3:49] So the question is, what is rumination? Well, one working thought as to why humans ruminate is that it meant our ancestors could learn from unfortunate events to avoid similar future situations. Well, for our ancestors, rumination was not a mental handicap, as it is for modern humans. You know, they didn't have the luxury of time and the way we have today. Life demanded that they moved on to gather food, to hunt, and to take care of the next immediate need. Ruminating is the brain's way of trying to resolve a problem. The brain repeatedly approaches the problem without any resolution. It gets fixated on an ineffective approach and it only gets worse as the rumination intensifies. Ruminating is the inability to shift perspective to see a problem from a different angle. Ruminating is about getting stuck in a negative thinking spiral while wallowing in negative emotions. Unfortunately, it takes a toll on us psychologically as well as physiologically and.

[4:55] When we get stuck in a loop of negative overthinking, well, we put ourselves into a state of physical and emotional stress. And negative thinking, rumination, overthinking, all of it, it is habit forming. Thinking about something over and over is habit forming, as is doing anything repeatedly. Over time, well, we become more skilled at it to the point where we can execute without any conscious effort. You know, this is a wonderful if our thoughts are constructive and optimistic in nature. Unfortunately, rumination is detrimental to our well-being if left unchecked.

[5:34] Rumination changes the structure of the brain. Think of it in this way. The first time you cut across a field of long grass, you can look back and see your path through the bent and broken straws. The next time you walk the same path, well, that trail becomes even more pronounced. So every time we ruminate, well, we create a neural trail in our brains.

[5:56] It becomes easier for us to slip into overthinking and to put ourselves into a distressed state. The more we overthink, well, the harder it becomes for us to stop ourselves from cycling into rumination.

[6:08] Music.

[6:18] So how do we counter rumination? Well, the trick is to actually catch ourselves in the act. Countering rumination means we must be present with our thoughts. We need to be in the here and now. Only then can we launch our initiatives to stop overthinking in its tracks. So let me share with you some actions that have been helpful for me and my clients. And I think they will also serve you well. So one action you can do is to change a ruminating thought into a question that can be answered or is a problem that can be solved. For example, if I say to myself, I can't believe I said something so foolish, well, then I can change it into a question such as, what can I say differently the next time the situation comes up? You know, sometimes my clients have found it difficult to reshape a problem statement into the form of a question in their minds. And one helpful way is to write down the statement and then the reworded question beside it.

[7:15] Now, why it works is that it's this. We don't have to constantly hold the structure of that problem statement in our heads. Once we write it down, when it's ink on paper or it's pixels on a screen, well, we can see it more objectively. We can see the way we have structured the problem statement, and it becomes much easier for us to move around words to restructure that problem statement into a question we can answer. So for example, I might write down, I can't believe this happened.

[7:46] By looking at that and seeing objectively, seeing the ink on the paper, well, then I can take the time and to objectively see it and write down, well, what can I do to prevent it from happening again? Now, that's a very simple example, but there are much more complex challenges that we have in our head that take the form of problem statements. Okay, so let's do another couple of examples.

[8:10] Maybe you might say to yourself, I don't have good friends. Well, you write that down and then you can change that into a questions. What steps could I take to deepen the friendships I have and to find new ones? Or another problem statement, I'm going to mess up the big presentation next week. I think this is common for a lot of us. Well, I can change that into another question. I might say, what parts of the presentation am I confident about? What parts do I know well? Now, the reason I ask my questions in this form, as not just as a closed-ended question, but an open-ended question, starting my questions with what or how or where. Now, the reason is it implies that there is a way that it can be solved, that there is a step forward, that I can move through the problem. I can solve the query to find a solution to a conundrum. And the thing is the questions focus on three things it focuses on how i can take action so i don't get so focused on the outcome it means i can focus on what i can control the actual facts and it also maps out the certainty of what i know it doesn't solve everything there's going to be things that i don't control i can't influence and i and i things that i'm uncertain about but what it does, folks.

[9:32] It allows me to focus on control, certainty, and action. And that means I'm looking at the effort. And that itself, since the brain can only focus on one thing at a time, well, that allows me to deal with the situation. It puts me in a much more positive and constructive mindset.

[9:51] All right, a second action. I want you to take notice when you feel things are good. It's in these moments when thinking tends to be clear and constructive. You might feel confident or be certain of yourself or your thinking with clarity. In those cases, well, stay in the moment and investigate. Be curious. Do your future self a favor and write yourself a note of encouragement. The content of the letter should include the reasons why you feel in such a positive state. what is going on? What is the nature of your thoughts? What are you focusing on that is making you feel confident? What is the reason you're feeling a sense of clarity? What is feeding your sense of certainty, your sense of confidence? You know, when I'm working with clients, I generally assign homework in between sessions. And that, sometimes the homework is not always about dealing with challenge or complexity or change.

[10:48] Sometimes our sessions are about what went well, what they achieved, what they succeeded. And it's at that point when they are on the top of the mountain, when they're sitting at the peak and they can look back over their shoulders and see from the trailhead and all the difficulties and obstacles and hindrances that they've overcome, to get to where they are, that's a great time to start taking apart the DNA of their achievement, of their success, of their mindset, because that allows you to pick apart what went really well. Because in some future state, you know, life is hills and valleys. And sometimes we're on the hill and we're just, you know, it seems like we've conquered the world. But sometimes we slip back into the valley and it will happen. It happens to, it's part of the human condition. But when we're in the valley, some future valley, when things are not going our way, we can look back at that letter when we are in a much positive more mindset.

[11:52] And it becomes a reminder. It becomes a lifesaver. It becomes a way for us to find objectivity. It's almost like it's an advice from our former selves to our future selves to saying, you know what, this too shall pass. This is what you were thinking. This is what you were doing. And this, these solid, actionable, concrete points can actually shift our mindset because we've taken the lessons we've learned that have led us to the peak, that have led us to the top of the mountain when we're on the top of the hill and we can employ those for future distresses or future challenges or future complexities that just kind of derail us.

[12:38] So what's a third action we can do to deal with rumination? Well, amorphous thoughts float about in our heads, altering from one form into another. Their very nature makes them hard to get a handle on. This is why I think the action of journaling is extremely helpful. Now, writing our thoughts down is cathartic. The act of capturing abstract thoughts and emotions and articulating them into concrete words, Well, this stops rumination in its tracks. Toxic thoughts no longer have the chance to slink away in hiding the dark recesses of our minds. They are captured as if pixels on screen or ink scratches on paper. You know, journaling allows us to be present with our thoughts by helping us to shift from a subjective perspective into an objective one. From the advantage point of the objective perspective, it is much easier to expose the nature of our dysfunctional thinking that we call rumination. So the idea of journaling, or if you want to call it expressive writing, is just that. You don't have to start anywhere. Imagine it's a circle. It doesn't matter where you start in the circle. The idea is just to start writing. It can be with something so simple. I'm feeling bad today. The reason I'm feeling bad, and just let the pen flow.

[14:02] If you create, what I generally suggest when it comes to journaling or expressive writing, set the clock for 20 minutes and just write. Just keep writing. Don't worry about grammar. Don't worry about syntax. Just keep writing.

[14:17] And what happens after a while is that your pen is almost flowing. Now, the reason journaling is also really good is that physically you can only write so fast. But your thoughts and your emotions they can they can go at lightning speed but when you're translating your neural patterns these thoughts and emotions into scribbled words or pixels on a screen well the actual physical act of writing or typing forces your thinking to slow down it forces you to process emotions by thinking more objectively about your thoughts and your emotions well rumination starts to disappear and so if you set 20 minutes you find you still want to write more well set your time for another 20 minutes and just write from my own experience from all the clients i have worked with over the last 25 years i can tell you each and every time they have found a way forward it may not be the solution maybe only part of the solution but it was one way they were able to tackle the challenge the complexity or the change that shows up in their life and rumination they shut off that spout it just dried up and they were thinking more constructive thoughts.

[15:43] It's not to think that it's always going to be positive because sometimes you're in a bad situation. Any way you cut it, it's a heavy, bad, complex situation. But what it helps, it allows you to be more constructive in your thinking, which leads to clarity and which leads to confidence.

[15:59] So let's talk about a fourth action you can do to kill rumination. Now, I live in the Northern Hemisphere where the weather is constantly changing and shifting. One moment it can be overcast, while in the next moment the clouds are broken up and the sunlight is filtering through. The interior of our heads is no different. We each have our own internal weather system. Sometimes your internal weather is going to feel gray and overcast, especially if you are caught up in ruminative thoughts. Raining weather can only last as long as the pattern of weather that sustains it. Once the pattern disappears, so will the rain. Well, this also applies to our internal weather system. Once a thought pattern dissipates, so does its associated emotions and behaviors.

[16:52] So action three was about shifting patterns of thinking. For me, it doesn't always help to think about something else. Sometimes I need help myself. I find that the fastest and easiest way is to distract myself by playing a game or testing my cognitive skills on a brain training app. Now, these apps can capture my attention. I become so occupied in the game or a brain challenge that I forget to ruminate. And after a few minutes, I notice my internal weather pattern has changed for the better.

[17:24] Now, I'm not saying, you know, sit on a couch and lose yourself in a Netflix series for hours and hours on end. I'm saying, what I'm saying is to change what you focus on. And it's just briefly, it may be playing a game on your phone. It may be going for a walk. Maybe it's cuddling your cat or taking your dog for a walk.

[17:46] Maybe it's having a conversation with someone about something completely different. The fact is the brain can only focus on one thing at a time if it's constantly focused on the outcome of a problem that can't be solved right now or it's focused on just the stress and the anxiety of something well if you go down that rabbit hole you're going to find yourself and we've all been there in a warren of tunnels that it's hard to get out of and sometimes it doesn't matter you could have all the best cognitive techniques in the world and sometimes they're not going to help because physiologically you're you're you're drowning in cortisol uh the stress hormone and so the best way sometimes is just to completely distract ourselves with something out there something shining a game a walk the music a movie sometimes what i like to watch is the american series.

[18:44] The Office, because it's completely absurd, but it's lowbrow. It's simple to digest mentally. And that really shifts my things. Maybe I'll watch a couple episodes. They're only 15, 20 minutes in length, but that in itself can shift my internal weather system and put me in a better perspective, a more objective perspective in which I come back and I re-tackle, I re-attack the challenge or the complexity or the change that I'm trying to deal with.

[19:17] Okay, here's a fifth action. Now, the heart, as you know, pumps blood. The lungs, well, it pumps oxygen. What's the brain pump? Well, it pumps survival. You know, ruminating thoughts are all about survival. These thoughts put the brain into a survival lockdown and the body's fight-or-flight response into action.

[19:39] And as a result of this, the bloodstream fills with adrenaline and cortisol. all. In a sense, these hormones create a virtual reality where you feel danger is lurking around every corner. Now, in the West, there is rarely any real danger, but rather perceived danger. That is a threat we believe to exist, even though it doesn't. And herein lies the problem. The brain does not make the fine distinction between the two dangers of what is real and what is perceived. And so it takes everything, it just lumps it all under real. And so consequently, this sets us on edge. So this fifth action is about gaining perspective. Is there an actual life-threatening danger? Probably not. First, the first step is to remind yourself of the brain survival programming. This means you don't have to believe every thought your brain generates. Well, what do I mean by this? You know, the brain is a story-making machine. So before you listen to this episode, if we had a personal chat, I said, oh, what did you do today? You'd tell me a story. What did you do on the weekend? You'd tell me a story.

[20:51] How did you deal with this problem? Well, you'd tell me a story. And the thing is, the brain is constantly trying to make sense of the world and the context of who we are and our place in that world. And sometimes most of the stories that we tell ourselves or most of the stories that the brain tells us, they're mundane. They work. But it's in those times when we're ruminating, those stories are written from a place of stress and survival where we feel we're under threat. And again, there may not be any real threat, just a perceived threat. And so the power here is to be in the present, in the here and now, and ask ourselves, what is the story that I'm telling myself? And usually it may only be two or three sentences and then we repeat. If you write down those sentences like in previous actions we talked about, like journaling or just seeing it in front of you, well, this gives you the power to actually see those two or three thoughts that we call the rumination loop. And ask ourselves, is it actually serving us or is it serving against us? Are these helpful or unhelpful?

[21:57] By doing that, you can rewrite the story you're telling yourself. And it might just be changing a verb. It might be just changing a couple of articles, right? You can take that thought, that story, and move it from the subjective to the objective, from the problem to a challenge, right? And so it's all about being present. Now, the second is understanding that we have emotions.

[22:24] Now, we've spoken quite often on this podcast about emotions. Emotions are not negative or positive. They're just chemical messengers. They are the messages from our physiology to our psychology. Now, our brains has language. We have syntax. We have words and the structure of those sentences. But the body doesn't work with grammar and syntax. It works with a cocktail, a recipe of different hormones and transmitters and modulators that we call emotions. Now, on a spectrum, emotions can be very comfortable to very uncomfortable. But if we look at emotions and are not afraid of them and just think, what are these emotions trying to communicate to me? Well, if it's a very uncomfortable emotion such as distress or anxiety or anger or frustration or agitation, well, you can't stop those emotions. They will pop up. Just accept that. Be at peace with that. But what you can do is you can choose what you want to do with those emotions. So if frustration comes up, for example, what do you feel like doing? What do you want to do with that frustration? Well, I want to grow from that frustration. I want to use it in a constructive way. And once you start focusing and understanding the emotions, well, that will also lead you to understand the narrative that's triggering those emotions.

[23:47] And that herein lies the power. because once we understand what the narrative is, once we understand what that narrative emotion is driving, then we can change our behavior. We can engage instead of disengaging with the world. Instead of doing something rash or reactive, we can take the time to stop, reflect, and choose our reaction. And that is the power of understanding what the narrative going through our head is.

[24:20] Because remember, the human operating system goes from head to heart to hand. Our thinking to our feeling to our doing.

[24:33] Another way of dealing with rumination is through exercise. I mean, I know you've heard this ad nauseum, but it is the truth. You know, our brains have a pharmacy and our physiology has a pharmacy, which can heal us both mentally and physically. And so going for a run, a vigorous walk, lifting weights, doing some chores around the house, going out to garden or walking your dog or cutting the grass, any of this will help you deal with negative emotions or if we can call it distressing emotions or rumination. Because rumination and distressing emotions, what they do is trigger cortisol. Again, it's about the fight flight. It's our brain going to survival mode.

[25:22] And when the cortisol is pumping through us, well, it stays in the bloodstream and it can take a long time for it to metabolize out. But through effort, through pumping our heart, doing something physically, well, it metabolizes the cortisol a lot faster and we feel a lot better. Have you ever been in a situation where you've had maybe a stressful meeting or you've had a difficult conversation with a colleague at work and the situation's passed, but you still feel on edge. Psychologically, you've kind of moved on per se, but physiologically, your body's still dealing with the aftermath of the cortisol spilt out or the adrenaline. So by physically going for a walk around the building, going up some stairs, you do metabolize it. And so exercise is a great way of also dealing with ruminative thoughts and the cortisol, that rumination can trigger in us.

[26:23] Now, the last action, the seventh action is this. There are going to be times where the first tools I've given you, these cognitive tools, may not be enough to take on the power of ruminating thoughts. Sometimes we're going to feel the need to get it off our chest and talk to a trusted friend, a colleague, or a family member. And other times, we're going to feel that friends and family and colleagues, well, maybe they are too close. In these situations, this is when it might be a good idea to find a professional who will have the appropriate distance. Now, that professional could be a coach, a sparring partner, maybe a therapist or a psychologist, depending on what your particular need is. You know, talking it out with someone is probably one of the best ways I know how to deal with rumination and to squash overthinking. Overthinking because if for example for myself when my clients hire me and such you know a lot of times when we sit in the sessions first they know it's the safe arena that it's a hundred percent confidentiality second i am not their friend i'm not a colleague i'm not a family though we build a strong relationship there is still that professional distance there's that objective distance between us. And that kind of sets the tone.

[27:44] And the idea is this, is that when I ask them the question, what's occupying your headspace? Well, they start talking. They start somewhere on that circle we've talked about. And it doesn't matter where in the circle they start, they just start talking. And then as they articulate their emotions, as they articulate the thoughts a lot of times yes yes they are talking to me so i try to understand but many times it may be the first time they've heard their own thoughts and emotions out loud where they've had concrete words to describe those thoughts to give their emotions uh life in the sense of articles and in verbs and nouns and in that itself all of a sudden they hear their own words. They hear their emotions out loud. And that moves them from a subjective perspective to an objective perspective. Then we start talking about, well, how do you want to deal with this? And then that's when the insights flow. And so sometimes finding an inspiring partner, it may be the best way for to deal with rumination overthinking. It allows you to feel what? A sense of control, a sense of certainty, a sense of oversight. It allows them to think about the actions and the initiatives and the efforts they can deal.

[29:05] Deal with the complexity of the problem or the challenge or the change that they're facing. And then that in itself builds self-confidence and self-esteem.

[29:18] All right, those are the seven actions I suggest from my experience that can tackle rumination. Now, I'm not saying these, you know are the best and the only skills i only want to suggest these seven actions for you to complement what you already do and hopefully it serves it helps you to some extent and that's that's the goal of this podcast right it's to create more resilience it's to build your own self-leadership you may lead others but also how do you lead yourself through situations and challenges and complexity it's also to create a sense of well-being to find that physiological emotional and cognitive and psychological well-being and to understand that we all travel on this road of life which are hills and valleys and rumination overthinking and negative thinking well that's just part of the ecosystem but we can tool ourselves up be better.

[30:21] Music.

[30:30] You know, folks, I subscribe to the idea that we are defined by our actions and not by our thinking. Overthinking, rumination, negative thinking, well, it's all about getting bogged down in the mud of our minds. Action is about gaining traction and moving forward. Take one of the suggested actions that I've talked about today. You know, execute on it, put it to practice, let it complement what you already do. You might actually surprise yourself how skilled you are at disarming the trap of overthinking and rumination.

[31:05] If you found this episode useful and you know someone who could benefit from it, please share it with your friends, your family, your colleagues. It helps me to spread the word of this podcast. And folks, just a little housecleaning. I'm constantly trying to tweak and adapt and evolve this podcast and the episodes so it better serves the need that you guys have. So I would always like to, I'm very open to hearing feedback and comments as to topics you'd like me to address more of when it comes to the idea of resilience or well-being or psychology or leadership, anything along those lines. And if you like the solo episodes, please let me know about those. I can do more of those. And if there are specific guests or topics that you'd like me to bring on and to focus on, again, please share your insights with me. It helps me create a better audio and video experience if you watch me on YouTube every now and then. Well, folks, I think it's time for me to bring this episode across the finishing line. I will see you for Bite Size Fridays, which are shorter episodes of 10 to 20 minutes long. And I will see you next Monday for another long form discussion with another brilliant guest. Until then, keep well.

[32:23] Music.