The Power of Perception: How to Show Up, Stand Out, Lead with Intention with Saliha Oukaci.

"Power is not about control—it’s about collaboration, influence, and shaping the perception of those around you." - Saliha Oukaci

Have you ever felt like you’re playing by the rules but still not getting the visibility, influence, or leadership presence you deserve? Do you find yourself holding back, questioning whether you belong at the table—even when you’ve earned your place? 

In this episode, I sit down with Saliha Oukaci, a consultant who helps women over 40 break visibility barriers and step into leadership with confidence, authenticity, and impact.

Saliha has a background in corporate leadership, color psychology, image consulting, and personality profiling. She offers a science-backed approach to reshaping self-image and amplifying credibility. But this conversation isn’t just about appearance—it’s about identifying and overcoming internal barriers that often hold women back in male-dominated industries. We discuss:

• How to reframe your narrative from limitation to leadership
• The role of color psychology in shaping perception and presence
• Why authenticity and authority are not at odds, and how to balance both
• Overcoming challenges in male-dominated environments without compromising who you are
• The power of intentional leadership and aligning internal strengths with external influence

Saliha’s insights go beyond theory. She provides actionable strategies to redefine power, communicate with impact, and cultivate leadership presence on your terms.

Key Takeaways

• The Power of Narrative: How shifting your internal story changes how others perceive you
• Authenticity & Authority: Why the two are not mutually exclusive and how to integrate both
• Embracing Your Leadership Palette: Understanding that leadership qualities, like colors, need to be adapted and blended with intention
• Breaking Visibility Barriers: Why competence alone isn’t enough, and how to leverage your presence effectively
• Emotional Resilience: Developing the ability to bounce back quickly from self-doubt and external challenges

Bio

Saliha Oukaci helps women 40+ break visibility barriers and build leadership presence with intention, confidence, and impact.

With a background in corporate leadership and certifications in color analysis, color psychology, image consulting, and Personality Dimensions™ facilitation, she blends science and strategy to equip women with the tools to reshape their self-image, reclaim their narrative, and strengthen their credibility and influence.  

Her approach goes beyond surface-level appearance. She addresses the internal doubts that shape self-perception and the external perceptions that shape leadership visibility by creating personalized solutions that foster well-being and ensure women feel empowered in their choices.

Contact

LinkedIn:  https://www.linkedin.com/in/saliha-oukaci/

Website:  https://coloramidisuccesso.it

Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/colorami_di_successo_consult?igsh=MWQxM29kbmI4ZzhtdA%3D%3D&utm_source=qr

Chapters

• 0:16 Introduction to the Podcast
• 1:42 Practical Tips for Everyday Challenges

Transcript

[0:00] Music.

[0:06] Welcome to It's an Inside Job, the podcast where we equip you with actual skills to build resilience, enhance communication, foster well-being,

[0:14] and lead and coach with impact. I'm your host, Jason Lim, and every Monday we bring you expert insights and real-world stories to help you thrive and succeed. And with that said, let's slip into the stream.

[0:27] Music.

[0:36] Hey folks, welcome back to the top of a fresh week and a new episode. Now, I have a couple of questions to prime your thinking before we dive into the depths of this episode. Now, have you ever felt like you're playing by the rules, but still not getting the visibility, the influence, or the leadership presence you deserve? Do you find yourself holding back, questioning whether you belong at that table? Well, even when you've earned your place? Well, in today's episode, I sit down with Sariha Ukasi.

[1:05] She's a consultant who helps women over 40 break visibility barriers and step into leadership with confidence, with authenticity, and with impact. Salihah has a background in corporate leadership and expertise in color psychology, image consulting, and personality profiling. Now, she offers a science-backed approach to reshaping self-image and amplifying credibility. But this isn't just about appearance. It's far from it. It's much more depth. In this conversation, we're going to dive deep into the internal barriers that tend to hold women back in male-dominated industries. We're also going to discuss the mindset shifts needed to transform self-doubt into self-assurance. Now, we're going to explore through this conversation how to reframe your narrative from limitation to leadership, the role of color psychology in shaping perception and presence, why authenticity and authority are not at odds, and how to balance both, overcoming challenges in male-dominated environments without compromising who you are, and the power of intentional leadership and how to align your internal strengths with external influence. You know, Saleha's insights go beyond theory. She provides actionable strategies

[2:16] to redefine power, communicate with impact, and cultivate leadership presence on your terms. So with that said, let's slip into the stream and meet Saleha.

[2:26] Music.

[2:41] Thank you, Jason. I'm very glad to be here with you. And where are we connecting today? I know on my end it's Oslo and your end it's... I'm in Parma, Italy. Ah, love Italy. Well, anyways, let's get on with the conversation. I'm very curious to explore your expertise today. I was wondering, to begin with, could you introduce who you are and what you do to our audience today? Sure. Thank you, Jason. So I am a professional who work, I'm a consultant who work with women executives, specifically with women over 40, and to help them overcome their internal and visibility barriers to reach leadership influence and a more fulfilling career growth.

[3:33] And that's what i want to explore with you today because i think you have a very unique uh take on helping professional women present themselves and it's it's it's an inside job you work with the internal uh as you said the internal barriers that they sometimes have and sometimes they're external barriers and to overcome that with more confidence and such where do you think it's for our listeners where do you think it's important to begin this conversation today i would go with the internal barriers that women can have in executive leadership or in in general in in management let's say this way especially at this uh at this uh level at this age where their problem could be very much limiting in a sense that they can self-censorship, i explain myself yes please if you could define that yes so at this level women can very much struggle with the visibility loss they are in a period of their career where that they are not juniors anymore they are probably in mid management.

[4:55] They somehow they struggle with the idea that they have still things to prove and they are very much afraid of being overlooked. So they work out themselves themselves. And this creates a lot of doubts, internal psychological doubts that there is a fear of invisibility. I am overlooked. If I don't work and if I don't constantly prove myself, I am invisible. I am overlooked. And there is this feeling of inadequacy, this feeling that brings self-doubt that also there is another factor at this level of middle management for women is ageism.

[5:48] It's very weird to say it this way, because in their 40s, women over 40s, they still have so much to bring. Yet, they are very much afraid still to be overlooked because they reach this level where they are. Yes, they are professionals, but are they seen as high or top leadership management with all this young, younger people who are more. into asserting themselves. They are not in the same level of thinking. They're not the same mindset.

[6:26] So, yes, all these.

[6:31] Internal barriers limit women's, at this level of management, to get more of their experience, to grow, to be visible, to make themselves other than valuable. Because competence on its own is not enough to reach top leadership, to be considered into more important or higher spheres of leadership. And this is where women, I think, struggle the most, is where they become so indispensable into their role that they are overlooked for other missions, other purpose, higher spheres of leadership.

[7:21] So I guess that that was psychological. Yeah. So there's there's a number of things that you said, you know, there's a self-censorship where there is a again, these are specific women that you work with 40 plus. Where there is a fear of inadequacy or a fear of invisibility. And so they work so hard, as I understand it, that they make themselves invaluable in that particular position. And management, however that shows up, says, you know what, we can't shift Lucy or Stacey or whoever from this position because she's so key. Absolutely. I mean, their fears or their concerns of invisibility, of being overlooked, to some degree, if we understand it, a lot of industries can be very male-dominated. Would you say some of these fears are actually grounded in fact that they have to work much harder maybe than their male counterparts to reach the level they do to prove themselves? Yes, of course that some of them are factual. This we cannot deny it. But I believe, and with the work I do, and I have seen so many women from all backgrounds, different cultures.

[8:43] The limitation is internal first. So, and this is what I try to do, the work I do, is that to go over and beyond this limitation that makes you look towards yourself as only a woman in a male-dominated space. There are for sure some biases, both internal and external. From the expectations that others might have for us. But I still believe, and I'm sure of it, that the most important part is the self-limitation.

[9:30] Women have to shift this idea that they do not reach a certain level, even if there are facts that confirm this. They must go beyond this they must tap into this strength that they have their competence and they also need to adapt if they want career growth if they want others to shift their perception of them women have to start first to perceive themselves differently because the way you look at yourself will train others to look at you differently so the internal story uh a professional again let's talk about generalities we're not talking about specific every individual woman but general the women that you work with you find that the narrative they tell themselves it tends to be self-limiting it tends to be self-censorship per se but what i hear you saying quite eloquently is if they shift the story, if they shift the internal narrative, if they reframe the definition of who they are, this will have an external connection.

[10:44] Effect on how others perceive them so if they see themselves as not a victim but as a victor if they see themselves as hungry and ambitious and assertive as intelligent or whatever adjective we want to slap to it this will show up on the external externally yeah but again this is not a light switch this is sort of a dimmer switch it takes time to build this new narrative to truly believe that narrative so it resonates deeply with that particular professional so can we explore that i'm sure many of my listeners right now are going you know what she just hit the nail on the head she just described what i feel internally yes that's you're right it's it seems it sounds simple simple solution to to to apply but of course there is depth and there is an internal work to do first there.

[11:46] Is a self-awareness you have to accept to hear what i'm saying here indeed not to be on the victim side but on your your growth your life is between your hands your future so you have to do something about it and to do some to be able to do something about it you need to hear some um an unpopular truth yeah yeah you have to be able to open your mind.

[12:21] To these truth, to these assessment, to be able to digest them first, then think about them, get over yourself and do something about it. And this takes time. It takes structure. It takes will, a very, very powerful will to change things. And if we start with this self-awareness, when women know their value, recognize it, and apply it with intent, there's nothing that can limit them. I think that's a very important distinction you made between wanting to and willing to. A lot of us want to do things, but we don't always have the motivation when pressed or when the pressure's on. I think the idea of willing to is to, as you said, is to accept the uncomfortable truths, to move and migrate into reality.

[13:27] Uncertainty to understand that parts of the picture of who you think you are when reflected in whatever mirror we put up may not be what you like to see but whether they are strengths or areas of development that reflection actually becomes the signage in which that professional woman or a woman in general can improve i mean this could be you know males too of course but Specifically, we're talking the category of women that you work with. So that self-reflection, it's accepting that truth, getting over yourself and maybe understanding that maybe I have to rewrite the narrative. So I am much more robust and resilient and I can evolve into the situation, the reality that is in front of me. So I'm not constantly tearing myself down, self-censorship or being plagued with self-critical thoughts or self-doubt. No, it's it's really about getting yourself out of this limiting thinking that will just put you into a box. If I didn't get this promotion, yes, it might be. It might be that because you are a woman.

[14:37] Many women left this, but many others thought that that was why they didn't get it without it being the real reason. And we women have to stop at a certain point and think, OK, let's say it's not gender related. Let's say it this way.

[15:00] What could I have done better?

[15:03] What could have brought me to this promotion? What can I do to get where I want to be? And let's focus on this. Let's work on this.

[15:17] So a lot of what you do is asking, there's a certain quality, a certain depth to your questions that force this self-reflection on someone to consider all the dimensions she is, good or bad or ugly or incompetent or competent. The sexy, the messy, the good, the masculine, the feminine. Let's take all of this and consider it. So if we got little nuts and bolts, so a woman's thinking, okay, what Salihah's saying really resonates with me. So can you maybe walk us through a process? You've articulated some questions, but a woman comes to you and she's looking for a sparring partner, a development coach or an executive coach such as yourself. Can you paint us a picture of how you help her help herself to make that evolutionary step towards where she wants to be? Absolutely so the first thing is to uh create the ground for an honest conversation.

[16:22] And what do you mean by that you know creating a foundation for an honest conversation what does that mean can you operationally define that it means that the first well I'll do this in I have a program but let's say the the main points of my program and my work with women will be about uncovering everything that is holding them back everything they think about themselves everything they think others might think about themselves and to have this we really need to.

[17:04] Have this honest conversation where women, if they really want to do the work, they have to open up. And this is a very difficult thing. I could imagine.

[17:19] Extremely difficult. But the main work will be in the opening up to be able to define the roots of what is not working. And uh they it needs does it need vulnerability i'm i'm not sure this is the the word the proper world word but it needs self-consciousness self-awareness uh self-criticism but not into breaking yourself down but self-criticism on what you can do better so it's a full exploration let's call it this way putting the ground in for an honest conversation is to allow yourself for a self-exploration where you can you might hear things that are not aligned what you what you think about yourself but it will be an open window a lens into things you might be neglecting you call them your blind spots anyone can call them whatever yeah yeah but the blind.

[18:38] Spots is a good word to characterize it so this is the yeah the the ground for being able to to do the work properly.

[18:51] And I guess part of that foundation is to understand that she will want to prime herself to saying, this is an exploratory, which means that I need to learn.

[19:01] Develop, and grow from the information I get. When my coach, Salia, asks me questions, I need to be honest with myself. I need to open up and such. I need to be critical to myself. But at the same time, what I hear, it has to be peppered with self-compassion because it's a learning process. It's not like nailing myself to the cross. No, it's by exposing the cracks, I see where I might need to strengthen the foundation of who I am. Is that what I understand?

[19:30] Absolutely. Absolutely, Jason. It's to be able to give yourself the opportunity to be better, to get better. And for this, you have to open up yourself and be able to analyze without going into overanalyzing because there is always an equilibrium that has to be set to keep the work really effective. Well, that's what's important for you, because you set those guide rails so they don't kind of drive off into the abyss, right? You keep them on the road, even though it may be a little precarious and dangerous, dangerous, precarious, you know, in the sense of what it will reveal. But you help them pull back from the edge to, OK, let's let's stay grounded here. There's a guidance. All this is very much guided and in a framework that allows to bring the best, of course. It's to open up to what can be done better within, but centralized in your strength, in your value, the client value, her strength, her vision. And it is a framework that is here to really build up and tap into the power within, into this strength that women have, this resilience to adapt.

[20:55] Every person has this resilience within herself, women, men, it doesn't matter. We all have it. But we need to be able, as consultants, coaches.

[21:07] Et cetera, to guide our clients into bringing this best.

[21:15] This strength, this capability, capacity to do better, to be better, to reflect the person that we want to be. Obviously and yes it is very much guided process so once you set the foundation once your client has has a sort of i guess she creates a map of her internal terrain her internal mindscape or landscape so she understands where her strengths are where she wants to improve what she's willing to improve in order to create a better version of herself so from those insights how do you take the insights and apply them into concrete actions so she can develop that mindset she's moving towards so we go we go through uh this self-exploratory um experience bit by bit first i am not going to repeat what i have said earlier but then we will bring it into how do you want to present yourself how do you want to see yourself how do you want others to see you so from here we will take concrete steps into aligning their image and.

[22:41] With their communication, with their values and personality to concretize their vision and goals through different instruments and tools and strategies as well to teach them how to do exactly this. And it's very much personalized. so for for this i use some some creativity in here creativity is always good yeah so i use very much colors in my consultancy as a self-exploratory uh tool and self-awareness to whether they are physical through color analysis so it it might sound very superficial but it is not because we take our clues the perceptions are are are shaped by psychological factors by stimulus culture event environments.

[23:51] And so on and we know that colors shapes our perception they create feelings they create emotions and I use colors at the physical level where I teach and show my clients how to present themselves through colors in a way that they are calibrated to their natural coloring so what to wear and how to wear it then I introduce the psychology of color to personalize even better this image that they want to create and how to create their narrative through their physical appearance while still working on the psychological effect to shape perceptions because we know that the view the visual sense sense is the most is the one we tap the most into and i'm pretty sure as a neuroscientist you you have you have a lot of things to to tell us about it.

[25:04] We know that the brain receives more than, what, 11 million bits per second as information that he processes in a very, very, very low percentage.

[25:21] I believe it's 50 bits per second. Yeah, 50 to 80 bits. It's something called the reticular activating system at the base of the skull that kind of filters. Just to clarify, I'm not a neuroscientist. I just have a deep interest in neuroscience. Okay. Just to make sure my background is clinical psychology. Oh, sorry. That's okay. It's okay. I just want to stipulate that for my listeners. Okay. But yes, so if we just rewind, so you work with the internal work, you help your client to figure out what she wants to evolve to, wants to want to become. So she's creating this internal map of herself and a roadmap to get to where she wants. But what's just as important is aligning her exterior, how she presents herself to the world, whether it's the image, the communication, the values, her personality. But that's going to be reflected how she carries herself, what she wears, how she speaks, right? And so this is quite a holistic evolution of that person. Yes. And as you said, colors do speak to us, right? You know, like a blue sky will feel different than a cloudy gray sky, right? But can we just dive into the psychology of color? Could we elaborate a little on that? And could you speak a little more to that? I find that fascinating. It is fascinating. Can I ask you something? When was the last time you played or used colors?

[26:48] You know, my wife would... How can I say this? I'm kind of an earth tone kind of guy. So I wear a lot of sort of earth tone types of colors. I'm not really one for really vivacious or brilliant, luminous type of colors. For me, it just doesn't square with how I picture myself or how I feel inside. So yeah, I tend to wear earth tones. I guess that would be the best way to describe. How do they make you feel? It makes me feel grounded. It makes me feel solid. It makes me feel there's a sense of depth, like I have deep roots that go in. It makes me feel tangible and concrete and stable and a sense of certainty. Flashy colors for me, again, this is just my personal thing. Of course. On me, I feel... It feels a little superficial for me. No, I'm not saying if other people. I'm just saying those kind of colors on me. They're talking about you and how you relate to color. I feel it's, for me, very bright colors on me tend to, a little weak, a little superficial, not so grounded.

[28:07] And that's just always how I've pictured myself. Yes, and would you say they take out energy out of you instead of? Yeah they don't definitely don't think that bold bold vivacious colors brings energy but you this is exactly what the color psychology is about and the way you feel you explained it very well how you feel towards colors how they make you even react you the fact that you feel grounded with earthy colors means that you are deeply interconnected to to them and the way you feel about yourself, grounded, confident, not superficial, this will translate. This will definitely reflect in the way you carry yourself, in the way you speak, in the, tone of your voice, your attitude, how your face will open up or close up. And this will reflect an energy to others and they will treat you exactly if you feel grounded they will say wow that's the guy i this this person is really inspiring but if you are.

[29:29] Wearing presenting with colors that are the opposite of what you think is grounding you and is giving you confidence, taking the energy out of you, make you feel superficial, unauthentic.

[29:47] It will show as well. And this, people will pick up on these clues that you are offering them. Again, the visual, sensory, we are, they are taking these clues. The unconscious is taking all this information and building an idea, an image of you. How they are going to treat you. Are they going to give you their attention or not so aligning and creating this visual and verbal presence this will can allow everyone of course but here we are speaking about women yes yes to prime their mindset and how others respond to them for example wearing specific colors that reinforce personal authority and stability adjusting some voice tone etc but not falling into the generality like oh you know blue blue is what will make you or let's take another example black is serious color it's the business color it's what will give you authority It's what will make people see you with authority.

[31:15] But if black is not into your personal coloring, physical coloring, if it's not aligned with, calibrated with your natural coloring, you will be the most dull person I will ever see. Black won't give you this if it's not aligned with who you are, with your physical colouring, personality, you just gave us the perfect example, you feel brown, you feel very much you.

[31:53] Music.

[31:58] In the first half of the conversation, Celia explored the internal barriers that often hold women back. She shared how self-awareness and reframing one's personal narrative, well, how they are essential for breaking past these limitations. She emphasized that true growth requires shifting from a mindset of being a victim of circumstance to a victor who takes ownership of their trajectory. We both agree that self-reflection plays a critical role in this process, As understanding all dimensions of one's character, well, that becomes key to stepping into leadership with confidence. We also talked about the psychology of color, which I find fascinating just in itself as a subject. Now, I shared my personal preference for earthy tones, which I associated with being grounded, feeling confident.

[32:45] Celia explained that how color choices impact how others perceive us and how they interact with us. And it reinforces the idea that leadership presence isn't just about what we say or do. Well, it's also about how we present ourselves visually. By consciously connecting personal color choices with personality, values, and leadership goals, well, we can create a presence that is more authentic and impactful. So the first half of our discussion has set the foundation, the groundwork, for a deeper conversation about leadership visibility, about emotional intelligence,

[33:20] and also about overcoming external challenges. And so with that said, let's slip into the stream for part two of my fascinating conversation with Sly.

[33:29] Music.

[33:38] Ours we judge people around us our environment everything around us upon what we see how things appear to us because 75 of the real estate in our head it's it's dedicated to visual processing so there is a certain psychology that not a certain there is a psychology of colors but they may be quite bespoke or tailored depending upon how i define brown or how you define brown right absolutely it's uh like for every other things there is a nuance to put if you want a personalized approach that work look jason um leadership it is multifaceted it needs nuances it needs, different skills it's what i call the leadership palette so you take just like an artist You take this coloring, this makeup that makes you a person, the person you are. And I'm going to take the analogy with colors, whether they are psychological or others.

[34:51] And you take this palette. You need that as a leader. You need to guide your people and bring the best out of them. But before being able to do this, you have to work on yourself. You have to be able to put yourself in the spot, analyze who you are, and use all the possible tools to be able to be seen, valued, heard, and followed. So as a leader, you will need to take every kind of tools, adjectives. You need your resilience. You need adaptability. You need authority. You need openness. You need resilience. You need all these are shades, colors that you need to use within your leadership at different moment of time, different situation and adapt.

[36:02] So from the work we can do is acknowledge our different, our communication style. So now that a person is starting to work with their internal narrative, their internal landscape, and that's constantly an iterative process that you walk them through, they've found out the color of psychology, they've been working on their images, what colors, to boost their confidence so their external reflects their internal makeup. Yes.

[36:32] My question is, if a woman in a high-stakes situation is sitting at the leadership table or at the management table, whatever it is, what have you seen that really work to create presence, to create communications for them? And maybe what are some of the misconceptions they have about leadership?

[36:53] What are the main misconceptions that women can have about leadership? I think the first one is that crafting an image or having a communication, working on their communication on their image might sound or feel inauthentic, which is absolutely not true. At the opposite because here you are using exactly who you are to to become the leader you want to be you are using with intent who you are to achieve your goals the second misconception that again have is that being or they are authoritative or they are not liked which is not true because there is a moment for everything what we were talking about earlier situations with certain situations specific situations called to specific behavior.

[38:05] From which the leader must tap into to use leverage and being authoritative, using authority for women is not always the solution. It's not against who they are. I think we can all remember our mothers. There is a part of authority that you have to follow. So authority and women, womanhood is not exclusive. But you need to use them in a way that serves your leadership.

[38:40] You need to take the risk to be the not likable person, and it's fine. It is absolutely fine to not be the one who will be always nurturing. Everyone must like me, otherwise I will feel bad about myself. I'm not going able to to move forward. There are decisions to make. There are there is and that's what creates presence. That's what will shape the perception of others towards you. You can women can create this narrative and reshape perception, guide them and to be seen like they want to be. Coming back to what you're saying, I agree, because part of the internal mapping process is to understand what do we think other people are thinking about us, right? I mean, we can call it perfectionism. We can call it imposter syndrome. We can call it, you know... In Norway, they call it flikpike, where you have to be the good girl. You have to be the perfect woman, right? And you have to have everything balanced in all aspects of your life, supporting everyone. But it's to make peace with that. That's not possible. And I think it's only through experience that we can push with those. Because experience is the best teacher.

[40:06] Experience teaches us what works, what doesn't work. experience also teaches us what our belief was and what actually was the fact and then we can have a cold conversation with ourselves and look okay this is actually how it played out this is the belief i thought sort of a before and after picture and that can be something that helps us calibrate actually how we move in and i think we don't have to start on the deep end with with hard things for example a lot of people and this is a very male-oriented thing too and not just female is like the avoidance of conflict. I don't want to upset the boat. I don't want to people not like me. I want to be, I want everyone in the room to like me. But I think we, in that case, it's, it's understanding the difference between honesty and benevolence. Benevolence doesn't mean being nice. We're thinking if I'm honest, then I'm not going to be nice. And so we choose not to have those hard conversations. But if we take the long-term perspective and think, you know what, I can still be benevolent and I can still be honest because the long-term gain is that we have a hard conversation and it has nothing to do with people not liking me or not. It's about moving the objective forward, but that becomes very hard if it's just some extreme situation. But if you, if we can start with low hanging fruit, then these misconceptions, when we put ourselves through the gauntlet of experience can poof.

[41:28] When we do, you know, a before and after picture, right? Experiences actually taught me that not everyone's going to hate me in the room. They may not like what I have, but there is that respect that I have about talking about what I'm talking about or the way I talk about it. Again, I just wanted to kind of put a little context to what you think, because I think what you're saying is a very salient point.

[41:50] Absolutely. We can still manage to be ourselves. We can still manage to communicate with others. We can still manage to have those difficult conversations if we adapt who we are with intent, knowing what are our strengths, knowing the other. You have to take in consideration the other, their communication stuff. You can't still say what you have to say without losing who you are, but still sending the exact message to the other person. You need to know not only who you are, but who you are talking to, to be able to have these difficult conversations or all kinds of conversations. And risk, yes, they might not like what you say. But at the end of the day, they will understand, like you said, they will respect you for being honest. And being honest doesn't mean being mean.

[43:02] No, you can have hard conversations, still stay civil and diplomatic, but have that hard conversation, right? And there is a way to speak the other language, which we also can be learned through how to communicate with others using their own communication style, using their frequency, tune into the frequency of who you are addressing in the room.

[43:36] You know i i you know i'm sure you may have experienced this but you know i'd say 50 percent of my clientele are our professional women and they know logically that they got to their position, based on their merits based on their skill and not some sort of diversity inclusion thing oh we need a woman in this place has nothing to do that they got there on their merits and their skills, but sometimes even though they logically and rationally know that emotionally they're still playing catch-up they're thinking okay someone's made a mistake this they're doing this out of charity and it's it's, A lot of the internal work, and again, this is also with guys, so I'm not just putting this on women. This is also with guys. You know, to try to find that alignment between emotional, what we know logically and emotionally, that is where the real work takes place. And that's why I think experience or what you're talking about, sort of, you know, tuning into the frequency of the room, tuning into the other person, right?

[44:39] I think it's so important because in those experiences, they can teach us to move our emotional chess pieces to where our logical chess pieces are, per se. Absolutely. It teaches us to tune into the frequency that is in the room to our own emotional intelligence and create from built from it an emotional resilience to be able to do our best within any context. And yes, this is also something many women, I'm not going to say all women, I don't like generalities. No, we're talking, yeah. Yes, that many women struggle with, for example, the women with whom I work, is this reaching, this building, this emotional resilience that will allow them to...

[45:38] To overcome their internal doubts, their internal barriers, to be able also to break this expectation or visibility barriers that they that are built by them and by others as well. So, yes. Can I ask you, so, you know, some of my clients, they're women who sit on teams that can be, they may be the only woman at that table at different levels. It could be an engineering project. It could be a boardroom. It could be the executive team or it could be some management team. And they find that they're the only woman on that, at that table.

[46:26] Are there... Other sort of advice or suggestions you would give to those women to create a sense of presence, to make sure they are heard, to make sure that, you know, they feel they can speak up, even though it is a very male-dominated room, from your experience? Yes. First, to not see themselves as the only woman in the room, because this is very limited. This is already a limit that they are putting, bringing to the table. If they are at the table, let's say this way, they have to shape it and not see themselves as the woman. I'm the expert and one of the experts in the room. my opinion, my expertise my knowledge, my leadership my guidance is valuable.

[47:27] So if I have something to say, I will say it. I was one of these only women in the room, but I have never seen myself as the woman in the room in the sense that I am limiting myself. No, I will take it as I took it. And that's what I want my clients to come to as, it's not a liability to be a woman it's not the liability to be the only woman in the room it is your strength that's the second thing if you cannot move forward the thing that you are the only nobody looks like you but why do we need people to look like us nobody even not even other women will look like us so having this limitation that you need to have another woman in the room is something women have to work on you are the leader you are one of the persons shaping the table see yourself as a strength not as a weakness not as a liability so it all comes into the mindset working on the mindset that that's if i had to give one specific.

[48:55] Advice is work on your mindset learn to shift the narrative you're telling to yourself so the narrative the perception that others will have on you will be different you have the power to, I'll use the word.

[49:15] Train others to value you and see you the way you want them to see you. If you're seeing, keeping seeing yourself as the only woman in the room and, oh, I need an ally and I need this, I need that. I cannot be at the top of my level because nobody else look like me around the table you're not going anywhere i agree it's about focusing on not finding that crutch finding someone similar looking to you it's about finding a sense of agencies finding a sense of autonomy working with you it's working on their internal map working on their narratives figuring out how their external um aligns with the internal and to find that presence again this is not a light switch no one's saying this is easy this any habit whether mental or physical and especially i work with a lot with mindsets but it takes time to do this and the only you can have discussions with myself or you as a coach um you know working with 40 plus women.

[50:25] But they can have that conversation with you and that becomes an action potential. It motivates them. But the real test, the real thing that's going to teach them is putting themselves out there, sticking their head above the parapet, going into that experience. Again, it doesn't have to be the deep end. Start shallow. Have some hard conversations. Go into some of those difficult, whatever, cross-fertilization meetings or whatever. Figure it out. See how you show up. Come back to you as their coach. and debrief. Understand what worked well, what didn't work well, what you could have done more of or less of.

[51:00] And again, it's just an iterative process. And if, as you said, you said it so succinctly about laying the foundation about the truthfulness, you know, accepting some of the misconceptions we have about selves and then putting them to the test. And if we're constantly redesigning the blueprint of who we want to become and we keep putting ourselves out there, then you'll make that evolution but yeah it's it's not an easy hop i agree with you no it's not easy simple doesn't mean easy the most profound solutions are the simplest ones and to be that profound it needs time it's it needs dedication it needs self-awareness it's it needs energy self-compassion it can be draining it takes passion it takes a lot but it is all worth it because if you want to change something in your life you have to take the you take you have to take in charge yeah the reins right take control exactly and it's amazing what you can do when you think for yourself also and stop believing those yes they are outdated.

[52:20] External perception outdated there's so many outdated definitions behavior etc but it's up to you to let them define you as a person than as a leader or not or you fall into it and you feed these outdated misconceptions or you do something about it because every time you downplay yourself you train people to do the same thing. That's what we need to keep in mind. Well said. And, you know, the beginning of any habit does require a level of self-awareness and intention and to actually see how we're doing. Because after a while, it will become automated. There's a fluidity that comes to it. And I just want to riff on what you're saying, because a lot of people might say, you know what, I've been training and I've developed. and I see that I am more confident. I see I have more presence. But these old emotions keep popping up. What I tell people is that those emotions will never go away. They will be less intense. Their valence will be less also. But you have to remember, this is not so much you as it is a pattern in your head. Your brain has picked up something. It'll bring up this emotion to protect you.

[53:48] But what the real measure is, it's not stopping the emotions. But the question is, is how fast can you bounce back from those emotions? You know, finding that sense of stability, that sense of buoyancy, so you're not completely derailed. Yes, you may feel that those anxious thoughts or anxious emotions, but how fast can you bounce back? More than likely, if you've been practicing and you've been putting your thoughts and your insights to actions through experience, you're going to find that your bouncing back ability is going to be so much faster, so much more resilient, right? It's not about squashing the emotions entirely. You can't do that. They're just automated. It's like if I'm going to swing a fist at someone, they're going to flinch. They're going to block. You can't stop that. That's just what you're going to do, right? Absolutely. Exactly. It's not about deleting every emotion. It's not about being invincible, fearless, totally. I do not know anyone who is completely fearless.

[54:55] It's not about...

[54:57] Being the perfect about seeking for perfection no it's about like you say your ability to rebound how fast will you rebound how fast will you adapt that's that is exactly what will make the difference and that's exactly where the intention what leading with intent is about it means controlling perception rather than reacting to it at a certain point and uh yeah this is how we change things this is how we shape perceptions this is whether they are our own or others, i think what you said leading with intent is is is a foundational principle i think that's.

[55:47] Very, very important for us to remind ourselves sometimes, you know, be present, lead with intent, but understand you have that intent, but what's the impact that you want to leave that resonates or is aligned with that intent? I think that's such a salient point you've made. Yes. Every time we have a conversation before having a conversation, we need to understand what are we looking for? What is the impact, like you just said, we want to make? What do we want the other to understand from this conversation, this message we are intending to give? What is our intent? What is our purpose? Where do we want to go?

[56:31] This is also what leadership is about. It is about influence. It is about power. And power is about collaboration. And that's what we tend to forget. We tend to give power a very, it became a very ugly word, influence, power. But that's exactly what leaders are expected to have as characteristic. But you need to we need to remember that power is also about collaboration about interaction to have a meaningful impact i think that's that's a very good point you've made because you know sometimes we hear the word conflict and we think negative fighting warfare whatever argumentation but there can be constructive conflict but also power we sometimes think oh it's coercive it's Machiavellian, it's manipulative. No. Yes, it is in some regards, but on the flip side of that coin or the other side of the spectrum is exactly what you're talking about. Power can be collaborative. It can be cooperative, right? It can be creative or whatever. I think that's really good what you said. It's such an astute point. We can also redefine some of these words such as power or intentional leadership.

[57:52] We're coming close to the top of the hour i can't believe how fast it's gone this has been a master class on intentional leadership this is brilliant i just i'm just wondering if if um if one of our listeners you know she may be 35 plus 40 plus what have you wants to reach out to you but they're thinking i don't live in italy but do you run this type of coaching online if they wanted to reach out for you, Absolutely. It's the main core of my consultancy. Oh, there you go, folks. There you go. Yeah.

[58:23] Especially, I'm not going to be very original on this, but especially since COVID. Yes. So I mainly work online indeed, so they can reach out to me. And I mainly work in English, but I do speak also French and Italian. So uh yes it's quiet uh so if someone will reach out where would be the best place for them to make contact with you so yeah the best place to make contact with me will be linkedin, linkedin first and then my website coloramidisuccesso.it i will make sure all those links are in the show notes so lihan this has been a blast is there any last advice or suggestions you'd like with our listeners today before we call it a wrap? I will repeat, maybe repetitive, but I will say again that there is nothing to what a woman can reach once that she knows her value, acknowledge it and use it with intent. Well said. Thank you for a brilliant conversation today. I really appreciate your time and the generosity of sharing your knowledge.

[59:44] Thank you so much, Jason. I really much appreciate this hour. Thank you. Thank you so much.

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[59:54] You know, I learned a lot from that conversation. You know, Saliha and I explored some of the deeper layers of leadership, authenticity and personal influence. And one of the standout insights was the idea of the leadership palette. The understanding that just like colors, leadership qualities need to be adapted, blended, and utilized with intention. To effectively guide teams and to shape their professional presence. Now, Salia also debunked some common misconceptions about leadership. Particularly the false idea that authority and likability are mutually exclusive. She emphasized that being authentic, intentional, and strategic with our strengths doesn't make a leader inauthentic. What it actually does, it makes us effective. We discussed the importance of emotional intelligence, resilience, and adaptability, especially in handling tough conversations, those conflict situations.

[1:00:51] Minefield sometimes, but also adjusting our communication styles for different audiences. We also tackled the unique challenges women face in male-dominated industries and the mindset shifts that are needed to break through visibility barriers. Zaliyah encouraged women to see themselves as strengths rather than liabilities, to embrace their skills and perspectives as assets rather than obstacles. And we both agreed that true leadership isn't about seeking external validation. It's about leading with intent, defining your impact, and embracing power as a collaborative and creative force. Salihah, a personal thank you from me to you for spending some time with me today. I really appreciate the conversation. It was a masterclass in intentional leadership. So thank you. Thank you for that. Well, folks, if you're interested to contact Salihah.

[1:01:45] For internal or external development or both define that alignment I will leave all her contact information in the show notes but and if you if you know someone who you think this episode will benefit just some of the insights that they can apply or that will complement what they're already doing please share it with them because it really helps me to spread the word of this podcast but thank you for showing up for another week and allowing me to be part of that week and until Friday for Bite Size Friday. Keep well.

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