The Courage to Say “No”: How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt or Burnout

“Protecting your time isn’t selfish — it’s self-respect in action.”

Do you ever say yes when every part of you wants to say no — and walk away wondering why you agreed in the first place?

Learn how to say no without guilt or apology. In this solo episode, Jason Lim explores the psychology of boundaries, how over-agreeing drains our energy, and how clear, values-based decisions protect focus, time, and peace of mind.

Key Takeaway Insights & Tools

• Every “No” Protects a “Yes” (03:19)
  Clarity about what truly matters is the foundation of boundaries. Every time you say no to what’s meaningless, you’re actually saying yes to what’s essential — your family, focus, or health.
  Tool: Write down your top three priorities for the week and use them as a filter for new requests.
• Do a Time Audit (05:03)
  We underestimate how much time “just one call” or “just a few minutes” consumes. Learn to ask not “Can I fit this in?” but “What will I have to give up to make room for it?”
  Tool: Track your week to see where attention leaks occur and replace “I’m sorry” with “I don’t have the bandwidth to give this the attention it deserves.”
• Assertive Communication (06:52)
  Boundaries falter not from lack of words, but lack of permission. Say what you mean, stop over-explaining, and let silence reinforce your certainty.
  Practice: Record yourself saying, “Thanks for thinking of me, but I can’t take that on right now.” Play it back until it sounds calm and grounded.
• Boundaries Build Trust (08:03)
  Boundaries aren’t walls — they’re agreements about respect. When you set limits early and consistently, you become more predictable, reliable, and respected.
  Example: “I’ve started keeping my mornings clear for deeper work, so I’m not available before nine.”
• Delegate to Empower, Not Escape (10:45)
  Saying no doesn’t mean shutting people out. It means redirecting requests to where they belong and letting others grow.
  Tool: For one request this week that doesn’t require you, delegate it. Notice that the world doesn’t fall apart — it expands.
• Saying “No” Is a Practice (11:26)
  The discomfort and guilt you feel when you start saying no isn’t a signal of wrongdoing — it’s a sign of change. Over time, this habit sharpens focus and gives your “yes” real weight.
  
  
• Reflection: When a new request arrives, pause and ask:
  1. Does this align with what matters?
  2. Do I have time and energy for it?
  3. What will it replace if I agree?

If this episode helped you reclaim a bit of peace or perspective, share it with someone who struggles to say no. Subscribe to It’s an Inside Job on your favorite podcast platform, and keep building resilience — one boundary at a time.

Host Bio

Jason Birkevold Liem is a resilience coach, leadership consultant, and host of It’s an Inside Job, a podcast exploring the science and psychology behind resilience, well-being, and self-leadership. Through practical strategies and candid storytelling, Jason helps leaders and professionals strengthen their mental and emotional fitness.

Chapters

• 0:16 Introduction to the Podcast
• 1:42 Practical Tips for Everyday Challenges

Transcript

0:04

This is It's an Inside Job, and I'm your host, Jason Lim. This is the show where we explore the stories, strategies, and science behind growing resilience, nurturing well-being, and leading with intent. Because when it comes down to it, it's all an inside job. Welcome back to the show. I'm dedicating this solo episode to a very small word, N-O. You know, there's a strange thing about the word no. It's small, it's simple, and as we said, it's two letters. Yet for many of us, it feels heavier than a whole sentence. Today, we're going to sit without weight for a little bit. So this episode is about learning to say no without flinching, without guilt, or without building a wall around it yourself. We'll look at why the habit of saying yes feels so good at first, but then it quietly eats away at focus, time, and our energy. We're going to talk about how a clear no protects what actually matters, your priorities, your peace of mind, and your sense of control. You'll hear some practical ways to draw boundaries that stick, how to stop over-explaining yourself, and how to tell the difference between being kind and being compliant. So if you've ever walked away from a meeting or a message thinking, why did I agree to that again? Well, I think this episode is for you. And by the end, I think you'll have a few phrases and mindset shifts you can use right away. Nothing crazy, nothing lofty. Just a more honest, calmer way to hold your ground. So without further ado, let's slip into the stream. Thank you. Well, let me kick off this episode by telling you something uncomfortable, but true. You know, years ago, I missed a professional deadline that could have changed the course of my career. Not because I wasn't capable, not because I didn't care, but because I said yes to a favor that didn't belong anywhere near my priorities. It was small, harmless on the surface, but what it did, it split my focus for weeks. For most of us, saying yes feels good. It makes us look helpful, dependable, agreeable. But here's the catch. The constant yes is a slow leak. It drains energy, it divides our attention, and it quietly erodes our best work. So today we're going to talk about the quiet strength of saying no. Not the defensive no, not the aggressive one, but the clear, grounded kind. The kind that protects your time, your focus, and your sanity. We'll look how your values shape you, yes, how your time tells the truth, and how to use language that holds its ground without feeling that seeping feeling, that ugly, sticky feeling of guilt. And before we wrap up, I'm going to give you a few ways to practice this so you can start protecting your piece today and not just someday. So let's start with the first one about value alignment, where every no protects a yes. A strong no always starts with clarity about what truly matters to you. I once coached a leader. She was smart, organized, trusted by everyone. Her calendar was packed, meetings, reviews, little quick favors and such. She said yes to everything because she didn't want to let anyone down. I mean, does this resound or chime with you? But her weeks were full of other people's priorities. And as you guessed, not her own. So when we finally mapped it out, her yeses weren't generosity. They were fear. They were fear of disappointing someone else. Fear of not being needed. So I asked her a very simple question that stopped her pretty much in her tracks. When you say yes to this, what are you saying no to that you actually care about? The thing is, most of us never ask that. Yet, every time you say no to something meaningless, you're quietly saying yes to what's essential. That might be your family, it might be deeper work, health, rest, creation. You might pause after this segment and jot down some of your top three priorities for this week it doesn't have to be anything fancy or super deep just what actually deserves your energy that deserves your time and your effort then when a request lands in your lab hold it up against that list. If it doesn't serve one of those three, hesitate for a moment, take a stop, break, observe. That small pause is the seed of real self-respect. So another skill you can think about is something called a time audit. We lie to ourselves about time. We tell the story that it's just half an hour or it's just only one call or it's just a couple minutes. But time doesn't work like that. I think we already know this logically, but emotionally we're not aligned with that logic. Because it's not just about the slot on the calendar. It's the mental prep before. It's the switching of our gears and the fatigue that lingers afterwards. And here's the uncomfortable truth. Most people are already at full capacity. But we keep pretending we can squeeze more in. Because truly, respectively, saying no feels rude. So if what you're doing is not really working for you per se, What I'd suggest is maybe switching it up a little. Start asking a different question. Not, can I fit this in? But maybe, what will I have to give up to make room for it? This changes everything. This is a shift. This is a mindset reframe. You might say, you know what? I'd love to help you out, Jason. But I don't have the bandwidth to give you that attention it deserves right now. That sentence, that simple sentence honors your limits without apology. It's not rejection. It's accuracy. So you don't have to say sorry. You're just being factual, diplomatic, but direct. And maybe today, maybe just today, just notice how often your mouth says yes while your body quietly says no. A tightening in the chest, a sigh, that subtle drop in energy. The body tells the truth long before the mind catches up. Protecting your time isn't selfish. It's self-respect in action. A third skill is assertive communication. It's about being clear, brief, and steady in what we say. Now, most people who struggle with boundaries don't lack words. They lack permission. We tend to over-explain because we're trying to manage how the other person feels about our no. but every extra sentence you add weakens it. So let's stop there, let me break that down a little. So what you can simply say is this, thanks for thinking of me, but I can't take that on right now or some other permutation of that sentence. Then stop talking. Let the silence do the heavy lifting. Silence after a no can feel awkward, but it's also where your confidence lives. Brevity, well, it carries strength. If you want to test yourself, record that line on your phone. Rewind, listen back. Do you sound calm and certain? Or do you sound apologetic and rushed? Play with tone until it feels grounded and where it doesn't sound defensive. Remember, assertiveness isn't about volume or sharp edges. You know what it's about? It's about delivering the truth without hesitation. Now, fourth skill is boundary setting. It's about defining limits earlier in the game. Setting expectations. And I think, including myself, we could all be much better at this. Because boundaries aren't walls. They're agreements about respect. When people know what to expect from you, trust increases. But when your boundaries wobble, confusion grows. You can't say, I don't check messages after 5 p.m. and then reply to them at 10.30 p.m. just before you hit the sack. Start small. Maybe you decide not to schedule meetings before 9 a.m. Communicate that once clearly and then hold it. And the idea is to communicate it, not just once. Sometimes you have to repeat that message in different ways over and over until it settles. Because it's about managing expectations. Now, will some people push back? Of course, absolutely. But that doesn't mean you've done something wrong. It means you've started doing something different. Stay steady through the friction. It fades faster than you think. If people push you on it, well, simply say, you know what? I've started keeping my mornings clear for deeper work. So I'm not available before nine. And again, that could be some sort of permutation of that. It doesn't have to be exactly that sentence, but irregardless, that's not rigid. It's reliable. It's setting expectations. If you're wondering where to begin, pick with one recurring moment that drains you, a never-ending chat thread. It could be a meeting that always runs long. Decide in advance how you'll respond next time, and then practice, saying it once out loud. Familiar words feel stronger when you've heard yourself say them first. So a fifth point, thinking about strategic delegation. What we want to do is redirect instead of absorbing. So saying no doesn't always mean turning someone away. Sometimes it means guiding them towards a better path. And you might say something along the lines of, you know what, I'm not the best person for that, but Alex is already working on something similar. He'll be in good hands. Now, that's not avoidance. That's stewardship. It keeps you focused while strengthening the team. And if we were going to be honest and truthful about this, many of us resist delegation because it threatens our identity. If we're not the go-to person, will we still matter? But you know what? The opposite is true. When you delegate, you expand your impact and help others grow. So I know you all know this logically, but emotionally, again, that's the hiccup. So for the next few days, notice the requests that don't require you specifically. Redirect one of them. You'll see the world doesn't fall apart and people start to rise to the occasion. And every time you redirect instead of absorb, you reclaim a little space for the work that actually defines you. Saying no isn't a single act. It's a practice. It's a habit of mind. Like strengthening a muscle you've ignored for years. At first, it feels strange. You'll second guess yourself. You might even feel a twinge of guilt. Well, you know what? That's normal. That's okay. Guilt doesn't mean you're doing something wrong. It means you're doing something new. And with practice, that no becomes an ally. It clears mental fog. It sharpens your focus and gives your yes real weight, true gravitas. When a new request comes in this week, pause and ask three simple questions to yourself. Does this align with what actually matters to me? Do I have the energy and actual time for it? What will it replace if I agree to that request? Yes. Now, if you can't answer clearly, delay your response, even saying, you know what, let me think about it and get back to you tomorrow. That buys you the breathing room you need to decide instead of reacting. And it's always best to reflect and proactively choose than just to react automatically. The truth is, you'll disappoint someone eventually. But it's better to disappoint others than to quietly betray yourself. Because you understand that your true intent is a noble intent. You said yes to a number of other things and you need to dedicate the time or resources to get those done. Piling more on the plate just means the quality of delivery to those other people you've already promised, they drop. And you stressed and there's a pressure and the tension and there's a rumination and the overthinking and not getting sleep and blah, blah, blah. It goes round and round and round. And so anyways, that story I started with, that missed opportunity I had years ago, it wasn't really about failure. It was about learning that a distracted yes costs far more than a clear no. Well, thanks for joining me today on this solo episode. I just thought it was something that I wanted to address. The superpower of saying no without guilt. So if this episode has helped you see where your time and energy are slipping away, I'd like you to share it with someone who could use the same reminder. Clarity, boundaries, and well-being aren't prizes you earn. They're actually habits you practice. and after all protecting your peace is an inside job well anyways folks i will see you in the next episode and until then keep well keep strong and we'll speak soon.