Ep179: Mya and I Talk Through the Real Transition to College

The college countdown can feel like one long shopping trip, but we know the real transition is way messier and far more meaningful. I sit down with my daughter, Mya, as she gets ready to leave for college and play volleyball, and we talk through the parts people don’t always say out loud: what it’s like to share a tiny dorm, how a roommate dynamic can shift from “teammate” to “cohabiting humans,” and why small irritations become big problems when nobody is willing to name them.

We also get personal about homesickness, FOMO, and the strange emotional math of loving your hometown while still wanting something new. Maya describes that punch-in-the-stomach feeling of seeing friends together on social media while you’re away, and we talk about how to hold two truths at once: grief for what you’re leaving and excitement for what you’re building. For parents and students alike, we dig into communication expectations, staying connected without hovering, and why pushing through early discomfort can help freshman year feel less overwhelming.

Then we shift into college academics and practical study skills: organization with a new schedule, note-taking strategies, why cramming doesn’t stick, and how small study blocks build real retention over time. I share professor-side advice you can use immediately, like reading the syllabus like a roadmap, showing up to class even when you think it “doesn’t matter,” going to office hours to build relationships, and learning netiquette so your emails sound professional when it counts.

If you’re preparing for college, parenting a soon-to-be freshman, or just want a grounded guide to the emotional and academic realities of the transition, hit play. Subscribe, share this with a student or parent who needs it, and leave a review. What’s the one part of college you wish someone had prepared you for?

This podcast is meant to be a resource for the general public, as well as fellow therapists/psychologists. It is NOT meant to replace the meaningful work of individual or family therapy. Please seek professional help in your area if you are struggling. #breakthestigma #makewordsmatter #thingsyoulearnintherapy #thingsyoulearnintherapypodcast

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health concerns, please contact 988 or seek a treatment provider in your area.

If you are a therapist or psychologist and want to be a guest on the show, please complete this form to apply: Podcast Application Form

Feel free to share your thoughts at www.makewordsmatterforgood.com or email me at Beth@makewordsmatterforgood.com

Transcript

Welcome And Meet Maya

SPEAKER_01 0:14

Hello friends, welcome back. I have a very special episode today. I have been looking forward to this for a long time, having one of my favorite people come on today. You know, as I was thinking about some things that are happening in my own life that might be helpful to share through the lens of both kind of my professional and personal kind of lens, I thought it might be fun to invite the one who made me a mother, my beautiful firstborn, um, Maya Ann. You are going to be transitioning to college this year. And so um I have done a lot of work with teenagers. I do a lot of work in early childhood right now, but the first part of my career was focused on working with um kids and teens. And I had a lot of these conversations in the therapy room with parents whose kids were going to uh college. And I thought, you know, since I'm gonna be going through some of these conversations with my own kid, um, how about we share them here? And so I invited Maya to come on, and um she said yes. Yes, a little bit reluctantly, maybe. Um, but um, you're here and I'm excited because I think you and I have um conversations about a lot of different things, and we have been talking about you leaving for college, but maybe not in a really intentional way. And so I hope that this morning we can do that. So um, how about everybody who comes on the show um shares one fun thing about themselves? And I didn't um prep you for this. How about you share one fun thing about you?

SPEAKER_00 1:58

One fun thing about me. Um, I don't know. I feel like my life is pretty much basic,

Gymnastics Grit And Coachability

SPEAKER_00 2:05

but the fun thing about me for most of my childhood, I was a gymnast. I think that's probably the funnest thing I can think of. And it feels like really crazy to me now that that was like half my life, but I thought I was gonna be the next mum biles, but Drats.

SPEAKER_01 2:27

You know, it was such an important part of the beginning of your story. I think that level of intense sport, I think really did set the foundation for you in a lot of ways. Yeah. What do you think is one thing about gymnastics that you're like, I kind of think that still carries over, yeah, even though I'm not a gymnast anymore.

SPEAKER_00 2:46

Yeah, I think physically for sure, like the stuff that we had to do in gymnastics was like way harder than anything I've had to do in volleyball or any other sport I've been in. So I definitely went into high school more prepared physically and also mentally, I think, because I'm sure you remember there's like a lot of there's some coaches that are really just tough. And I was young, so I think I did definitely gain some mental toughness, and that also has helped, not even just in sports, but in life with like friends, teachers, any other relationships like that.

SPEAKER_01 3:23

You know, something that I was just thinking about as you were talking about coaching, is you know, you have you know transitioned into playing volleyball, and you're gonna play volleyball in college, and we'll probably talk about some of that uh, you know, at some point here. But I think the other thing is that you have been a really coachable kid. And I think some of that may also have been grounded in the type of coaching that that you have to give a gymnast. Like gymnastics is is such a like meticulous sport, they had to like critique every single thing. And so I think because you were coached that way really young, then as you became a volleyball player, where there still might be some of that like really detail-oriented coaching, but a lot of it, like I think you still think that way.

SPEAKER_00 4:10

Yeah, I still seek that too, like in coaches. Some coaches aren't even like that like on you all the time, but like that's what I want in a coach, like that's what I look for in a coach.

SPEAKER_01 4:19

Yeah, so

What She’s Excited About

SPEAKER_01 4:20

those early experiences. I want to start by asking you what you're excited about for college.

SPEAKER_00 4:25

I'm most excited for the social because that's just who I am. Like, I've always been a very social person, so I'm excited to be with a whole new group of people and make whole new friends. That's definitely up there, and then obviously playing Blibal. I feel like I'm really excited to start over in that way and um play the game from a different like lens in college, yeah, and kind of at a different level, yeah, playing there.

SPEAKER_01 4:54

Yeah. Okay, so you brought the social stuff.

unknown 4:58

Look at her face.

SPEAKER_01 4:59

Okay, so you know, part of the thing that I think preparing kids for college includes and preparing their parents, right? So this is as much about me as it is about you, but I think there are like the physical preparations for school, right? Like this is where you've had a lot of focus. What is gonna happen to my dorm room? And I want to have all the things for my dorm room, like that physical preparation. I think we do put a lot of emphasis there, right? You're like, what am I gonna shop for? What color is my bed spread gonna be? And that kind of thing. But I think the part that I want us to also think about is kind of academic preparation, right? Because it's gonna be a different type of academic requirements than you had when you were in high school. I think we have to kind of talk through some social things that might come up in college that maybe you faced in high school, or maybe folks who are listening didn't face. Um, and then we have uh sort of like the emotional cognitive part of transitioning to college and then college itself. Those are some of the areas that

Dorm Setup And Roommate Reality

SPEAKER_01 6:05

I think we might be able to talk through, both for you and I, but also for other people who might be listening. So let's start with the easier part, which is like getting our kind of physical spaces ready. And so you're gonna live in a dorm, you have a roommate that is gonna be um one of your teammates. We didn't um know her kind of going in, but we you chose to have somebody who's your teammate. And so you and um you and Grace have been having some conversations about what you're gonna bring, what I'm gonna bring. And I think that that is a really common way to get ready physically for what the spaces we're gonna need. But I'm curious if you've had any conversations around, and maybe some of this is you've been studying TikTok or like studying videos of what other people are saying you need or don't need. But I'm wondering if you and Grace have had any conversations about like, okay, what do you really need to live in this little space together? What kind of physical things do we need to live in this little space together?

SPEAKER_00 7:06

What do you mean?

SPEAKER_01 7:07

We've talked about the big things, right? Like, where are we gonna put our food? Like we're we're gonna have a fridge and a microwave, and you know, you guys have a color theme that you're gonna use. And but like outside of that, like what are the most important things to live with?

SPEAKER_00 7:23

To live with, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 7:25

Like your day-to-day, because that's what's gonna happen. Like, so when you think about when you wake up in the morning, what things are in your room now that you're like, I kind of can't live without this.

SPEAKER_00 7:35

You're talking like physical things, you're not talking like okay, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:38

I'm not talking like, hey, if you guys wake up at different times and it gets irritated with another person, we're gonna talk about that later, but okay.

SPEAKER_00 7:45

Yeah, we definitely have gotten like all of our like necessities from TikTok, like things that you absolutely need. But in our room, like if when I think about my room and the things that I need, I like think a lot about my bathroom because like I've always grown up with my own bathroom, so I've never shared a bathroom. So I'm like, I need all my hair products, I need all my skincare. Like, those are the things that I feel like I need and I use every day. So that's not really things for our room, that's more like our bathroom, but that's also gonna be kind of hard now that we have community bathrooms. I wouldn't say that we've really talked about like what do you use every single day in your room that like you are gonna need.

SPEAKER_01 8:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:26

Except for a fan. She did say that, like she always sleeps with a fan on, which I never do, but I'm fine. Um, I think that's all I can think of.

SPEAKER_01 8:35

That's a good place to start, right? To be like, okay, so think about your daily life and what are the things that you really need. And you may not have those conversations before you get there, but I'm just thinking I could imagine the getting ready process for two girls who don't have a bathroom. It's like you're gonna have to be bringing all of that stuff, right? And so all that stuff is gonna have to be stored somewhere in your room, or you're gonna have to come up with some sort of system that you're using your desks or whatever to have your little mirror, however that goes. Those kind of physical things, having open conversation with your roommate about what are we gonna do about this everyday process, because you want the physical space to be as comfortable as possible in a small room like that. And so I think even bringing up a question like this opens the door for that conversation to have later so that she feels like, hey, if there's anything here that's making you uncomfortable, then let's just have a chat about it. You know, like if her fan bothers you in the middle of the night, then maybe you have to talk about that. Yeah. And so, how do you have that conversation? And you know, we'll probably come back to roommate disagreements because I think that those are things that come up a lot. And so I know that there have been, you know, your idea of what you need in the dorm room and what TikTok says you need, and what I kind of think you need.

SPEAKER_00 10:01

Yeah, they're kind of different. Mom thinks that I need a um dish drying mat. Like we're going to be doing dishes.

SPEAKER_01 10:09

Well, you know, we kind of had this talk just the other day, right? Where it was like, you're probably gonna use a lot of paper products, which you know kind of hurts my heart a little bit, but you're gonna want to have like one or two pieces of dishware. Like if you make popcorn, like what are you gonna eat it out of the bag every time?

SPEAKER_00 10:27

I mean, yeah. I always eat it out of the bag anyway.

SPEAKER_01 10:30

On your white bed spread?

SPEAKER_00 10:32

What a I mean, I don't know, I just don't know. Like, I think whenever we our freshman year is the only year that we have in the dorm that like where I'm going to college. So I think the next three years when I have an appointment, like all these things will be great.

SPEAKER_01 10:48

Great, but I am gonna go on the record that you're gonna wash a dish at some point your freshman year. Okay, we'll see how that goes. Okay, are there other things we do we definitely disagreed about the dish mat. Um, and you know, I kind of didn't have a scene when I moved into my dorm 20 years ago, like a color scheme and that kind of thing. You guys are very like aesthetic. Yeah, we want it.

SPEAKER_00 11:19

We just want to match, we want to have a vibe, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:21

But then interestingly, you were like, I want a vibe, but I'm not gonna make my bed.

SPEAKER_00 11:28

Yeah. I mean, it's just about the colors in the room.

SPEAKER_01 11:33

I'm just wondering how that that aesthetic is.

SPEAKER_00 11:35

I mean, maybe I'll make my bed, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 11:37

I feel like you could. There is there there are authors who say like people who make their bed in the morning are more successful in life overall.

SPEAKER_00 11:45

Yeah. Well, the thing about me is like sometimes I like sleep on top of the comforter.

SPEAKER_01 11:53

Like in my bed now, I just like sleep on a blanket, on a blanket and not like under, but you cover up with a blanket too.

SPEAKER_00 12:00

Yeah, but it's like not a big blanket, it's just like the yeah, but so like if I just sleep on top of the comforter, then I just won't have to make bed because it's already made. I'm just sleeping on top of it.

SPEAKER_01 12:08

Yeah, so I mean we might as well just like take this path because the tidiness of your room is gonna take two people.

SPEAKER_00 12:18

Yeah, we also, I'm not sure if we've talked about that.

SPEAKER_01 12:20

Yeah. And it may not be something you might bring it up now, like, hey, how tidy or organized would you say you kind of are? But if you're kind of unsure about that conversation, I think you just have to be prepared that at some point one of you is gonna be irritated with the tidiness of the other of you.

SPEAKER_00 12:41

Yeah. Probably. I feel like that's something you just won't like, even if she was to say, like, I'm pretty tidy, and then like you get there and it's different. Like you just have to, I just have to wait, I feel like, yeah, until I get there to see and then deal with it then.

SPEAKER_01 12:54

Well, and I think dealing with it then is what I want to spend time talking about, like this episode and the episodes that we have planned coming up. That I think that that sometimes is the hardest part. I have to bring this up that it like it just really bothers me that you're not making your bed.

SPEAKER_00 13:11

You know, it's like I just don't think that would bother me though.

SPEAKER_01 13:14

That's the part, right? So I think you both just have to decide. Like, what if she says to you, like, hey, it kind of bothers me that all of your morning stuff just like sits out all over your desk all the time, and when I come in, that clutter just like stresses me out.

SPEAKER_00 13:31

Yeah, I don't know. I mean, probably have to like I would want her to make a change if I asked, so I would probably have to adjust that lifestyle if that came to it. But I don't know, I just don't know if we're either of us are gonna care that much. But I just don't know.

SPEAKER_01 13:50

Well, and I hope that that's true. Yeah, but what I think a lot of people do

Conflict Without Letting It Fester

SPEAKER_01 13:55

is they pretend like they don't care that much. And then they really do, but they don't ever bring it up because they don't want to bring up the conflict, they don't want to face the conflict, and so then their relationship suffers, right? It suffers because you then start to build this like irritation below the surface. And I think my encouragement for young people like you and your roommate is to just have the conversation, right? Don't let it fester, don't avoid it because you're afraid that she's gonna be mad at you or afraid that she's gonna think you're bougie or whatever. You know, it's like the best relationships are fat are grounded in open communication. And so that being said, I think the other thing I share a lot when I talk to groups is this like one particular part of this book called Radical Candor that says leave three unimportant things left unsaid every day. So I want you to write this one down. Okay. Leave three unimportant things left unsaid every day. And basically that means like just not everything has to matter.

SPEAKER_00 15:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:11

You know what I mean? It's like, you know, your dad and I probably he probably leaves a lot of things left unsaid every day because I'm sure I do a lot of irritating things. Um, but I just think not everything has to be a big deal, not everything has to have this huge conversation. So I don't want you to leave here being like, oh my god, my psychologist mom wants me to have a talk about everything. I don't, I don't, I do think that's exhausting for people, you know. So I think there are some things that you just have to let go. And I don't mean let go and then keep a scorecard later, you know? It's like I mean let go and let it go. I think sometimes we're like, well, I'm just gonna let that go. But then three days later, you're like, well, remember three days ago when you said you were gonna pick up your shoes and you didn't, it's like calm down. Yeah, it's just so necessary.

SPEAKER_00 16:01

So do you think that I need to like talk to her before we're roommates and be and just say, like, if you ever have something that bothers you, or like you want, like I want you to just tell me, just like I would want to tell you.

SPEAKER_01 16:16

Yeah, I think in some ways you can blame me. I think you can blame this episode. I know. I mean, you could be like, hey, you know, my mom and it, I made this podcast today, and it was weird and ridiculous, and then it brought this up, right? I think sometimes if you're having to bring up things that are different than you're used to bringing up, sometimes it's easy to just say, like, hey, I was listening to this podcast today and they recommended this, and I think this might be something that is helpful, you know. So I think bringing it up and saying, hey, I think the best thing that we can do to strengthen our friendship and strengthen our time together is to just be open. And so I am committed to you know, not becoming defensive if you have any feedback from me. And my hope is that you won't be defensive if I have anything that I have to share with you because

Parent-Teen Expectations And Calling Home

SPEAKER_01 17:10

living together is different than being teammates and being friends, you know. Yeah. So I want to talk about expectations you have for me, and I want to share expectations that I have of you in terms of the continuation of our relationship. As you leave the house, I want to be clear, I want to encourage other people to be clear about what we want that to look like. You know, I'm probably gonna want to call you every day, and I'm gonna want you to tell me everything that you did because I just want to know it all. Like, I think that that is for many parents our way of staying connected to you, right? And for some parents, it might be, you know, their way of grieving the loss of you being here. And so I also know that that's not realistic. But I think if I don't hear from you in three days, then I am gonna be like, is she alive?

SPEAKER_00 18:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:13

So if you think about expectations that you would have of me or you would want of me, what do you think about that in terms of communication?

SPEAKER_00 18:23

Well, I feel like already I probably call you every single day now. So I feel like if anything, it's only gonna be more when I go to college because I feel like I just took a really long vacation and I wasn't it was with my friend's family, so I wasn't home, and it really was like made me realize like this is gonna be my life in like three weeks. So I don't I feel like I'll probably want to call like every single day, and I like to talk about my life, even though sometimes I forget to ask you about your life, but I don't know. I kind of want to try not to come home like all the time because I feel like I'm gonna want to, so I might want you to be like, you're like, you're gonna want me to come home, but like I might need you to tell me like you don't need to come home, you know.

SPEAKER_01 19:20

Yeah, yeah, you gotta stay.

SPEAKER_00 19:21

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:22

The busyness of your volleyball schedule is gonna keep you from doing that. But I think that's I think that's good advice for folks who maybe aren't playing a sport, that the homesickness is like this tough in between, right? That you're gonna experience homesickness, we're not gonna be afraid of it. Homesickness means you matter to me and this thing is uncomfortable. Homesickness is what everybody experiences. But I think if we just retreat away from the discomfort, I think it just makes it harder. And so um, you know, I know there are a lot of schools that encourage students to stay on campus for the first 30 days or 60 days and try not to travel home, try not to kind of get back back into that comfort zone sort of space. Try to just like push through cell phones and FaceTime and you know, video calls and all that has made it a little bit easier to not have to travel all the way home. I think it's a good thought for us to think about. I think we tend to communicate pretty well. And so I can imagine myself just being like, okay, do you do you feel like you need to come home?

Homesickness, FOMO, And Mixed Feelings

SPEAKER_01 20:40

Or is there something else that might bring you comfort that you can develop on your own where you are?

SPEAKER_03 20:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:47

Because I think that's what you're kind of having to do, right? College is is about so many more things than just getting a degree. It's like your transition between living here and being a dependent of mine and dad's and moving into like learning adulting skills, you know? And so some of those adulting skills are like working through some of that discomfort. Yeah. So you were a little bit homesick when you were on vacation. When you were experiencing that, like you were kind of like, I don't know, I'm not sure how this is gonna go. So talk to us a little bit about that kind of beginning feeling of homesickness. And then like you were kind of, it felt like to me that you were kind of like, oh snack, like, this is what it's gonna be in college. Yeah. I'm still kind of afraid of that. So I don't know. Talk to us about that.

SPEAKER_00 21:42

So being on vacation with another family that is like a lot different than ours was like kind of hard for me. And it definitely like emphasized like, wow, I really miss like how things would be if my family was here. I would go and seek. Things I'd be like, wow, like my mom would love this, or my dad, like my dad would love doing that. But also, I think the biggest thing, which is really hard for me, and probably a lot of other teenagers in our generation is like when I look on my Snapchat and like all my friends are hanging out, and I'm like saying I wish I was there. I see a post, like someone's posting, everyone's posting together, and I'm like far away. And it was like fun because I was with my friend, so like that was kind of distracting at sometimes. But yeah, I think like social media and for me, it's like I love where like I love being here, and like I like there's some people that are like I can't wait to get out of my hometown. Like, I'm not that way at all. Like, I love being here and I love my friends here, and also I felt a lot of FOMO from the team, like the our last volleyball team was like my favorite team ever, and now they're like having another season, but like I'm not, and so that is also like really hard. So, all of that I think contributed to homesickness, like not just my family, but my friends too. And I'm like, if this is hard for me, like now, like how hard is it gonna be when I'm actually gone for good?

SPEAKER_01 23:15

You know, yeah, I love that. Thanks for sharing that part of the story because I think for me, what it sounds like is what what everybody goes through during this phase of life, which is I'm moving into like starting my own life, yeah. You know, I love the life that I had with my family, and I love the connection that I have with my family and my friends here, and now it's like okay, I'm creating this own life with my own experiences with these other people. And so, how do I grieve, or how do I move, or how do I shift into loving this new space? And I think some of the maybe some of the fear or some of the like uh unease about that is that you know, my family and my current situation is really comfortable. You know, it's like this is what you've always known. This has been very comfortable, and it's good, like this is a good situation. And so you look down this path of like, who are gonna be my friends? And what are I'm gonna miss like my family taking part in some of these like tiny moments because that's what you're describing happened over vacation, right? It was like you had these tiny moments where you thought of us, and it was like, Oh, I wish they were here, you know. I think having awareness of that is just so important, and just saying, like, yeah, I'm gonna miss my family in some of these tiny moments. And also, like, I want to celebrate that I'm getting to do these new things, you know, because I think sometimes we forget that both exist.

SPEAKER_00 24:53

Yeah, I was just about to say that like the hardest thing I think, like at the end of the day, is like I don't know how to navigate the feeling of like I love, love, love where I am, and also I am really excited. Yeah, like it feels like to me I can't have both. I either like love where I'm from and I'm dreading leaving, or yeah, I just can't figure out how to like be okay with both feelings.

SPEAKER_01 25:16

I think I want to encourage you with you're not alone in being like it's it's weird to think about feeling both at the same time. I think a lot of people, well, I'm either one or the other, but that's just not how we operate. Yeah, like we're just multi-emotional people all the time. You know, I'm tired and I'm excited, I'm you know, anxious and I'm content with other parts, you know. So I think the first thing to realize is that it's okay to be like in this in-between of I am gonna miss my people. I do feel grief and sadness about leaving this part of my life, and also I can't wait for these other things. And so I think the best thing you can start with is just acknowledging that both things are gonna exist. And the unfortunate part in some ways is that they're both gonna exist for a while. Yeah. You know, it'd be it'd be lovely if I could say to you and be like, Well, yeah, that's just today though, babe.

SPEAKER_00 26:23

Yeah, or like the first semester.

SPEAKER_01 26:25

Yeah, I mean, you might still have moments of both. You know, we um had a uh puppy we three or four years ago, we um we had never had uh a dog, and we got a puppy in 2022, and then kind of made the hard decision to re-home him to somebody else who could really love him better than we could. We were just really busy and I had kind of a lot going on, and I still think about Duke sometimes. I still am kind of sad some days, you know, where I'm like, oh, and I think about Duke sometimes, or it'd be like, oh, this would be the moment where Duke would run up and jump on Mason, and um those things can like still come up for us, and I think the message that I want you and other people to hear is that like those messages come up

Study Skills That Actually Work

SPEAKER_01 27:20

because that matters to us, and that's a good thing, yeah. So as you think about the schedule you have, let's talk about academic stuff for a little bit here, okay. Okay, so you were generally a pretty good student. I didn't have to do a whole lot, you kind of came out of the womb that way. Awesome. You were just like, I want to do well in school. Yeah, you're kind of a people pleaser in that way, which sometimes gets you in trouble. But um, for this uh part, I think it does um, it is to your benefit. So how do you stay organized? I know it's just so much right now. How do you stay organized with multiple classes? So you're gonna have probably four to five, maybe six classes, depending on, you know. So how are you planning to keep organized?

SPEAKER_00 28:13

What I've seen on TikTok is that the college class schedule is easier than some high school schedules, which I think me switching from Burris to Yorktown has really helped, I think, prepare me for the academic part of college because I think at Burris I would have been, I mean, I just think it was easy for me. Yeah. And then I moved in the middle of my junior year, and I like felt so unprepared at Yorktown. I was like, I don't know anything, and that stress, like going through that and like having to come back from all my first tests or like not good grades, and because it was just like different timing, which makes sense. But I think like having to come out of that hole there was really good for me. So I think having classes on different days, I think makes it a lot easier to organize, um, especially having like blocks in between. So, like in between classes, I can study for whatever I need. And I feel like I'm pretty good at that too. So at Yorktown having the two different days with two different schedule at Yorktown have prepared you for this. For exactly what's college movie. Yeah. So I feel I feel pretty ready. Also at Yorktown, like taking all those college classes, my like all those AP and dual credit classes has helped create my schedule and also like the rigor of the classes. Like, I'm I'm not gonna be surprised, I feel like when I go to college and like this is hard because I've already done hard. Yeah, I think, I hope that's how it is.

SPEAKER_01 29:53

So I teach at IU East, and I think the thing as a professor that I wish students knew is I'm not just like telling you things as a teacher just for like fun.

SPEAKER_03 30:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:08

You know, it's like actually respecting the the instructor's advice is important. Yeah. So if your instructor is saying, hey, make sure you read all of the parts of this, or if your instructor is saying, hey, this test is going to be this, like, like actually believe them. So I think that's one thing. And I think the other thing that I want young people who are going to college to know is that college classes may not feel harder. I mean, I don't really know. I think it might depend on the class, but it may not be harder or easier. But I think the way in which you study may need to be sharpened a little bit. You know, I still have I have a lot of kids who show up to my college classes and don't even bring a like a notebook. Like they don't write anything down, they're not taking any notes, um, they don't read the text, and that's just not going to set you up for success. Yeah. And so we know the research on note-taking, in particular, note-taking by hand. And so you bought an iPad for taking notes because that is your study strategy. Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:25

I just think it's easier for me that way. And I feel like technology nowadays uh does make it a lot easier for taking notes. Like when I looked at my iPad and one of the apps has like a like you can just record everything that the professor says, and then like it'll um transform it to notes. But I definitely think I feel like we've talked about this before, how like I'm gonna have to change the fact that I'm like a like a all or nothing. Is that what it's called? Where I'm like, I don't want to study in like little like I just wanna like the night before I just wanna like sit down for like two hours and study and rather than like studying for little pieces all week. Yeah, which I feel like I'm gonna have to transition to that instead of all or nothing because I actually don't think it is prepares me in the best way. Like usually when I had tests, I would just study the night before in the morning of and that was it. Yeah, and that probably won't be enough. We call it we just cramming, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:24

I think a lot of students use that study strategy. And um, I think the difference between cramming and then taking in smaller bits of information to process over time is that we know that cramming might make you successful on the test, but it won't help you retain the information over time. And so I I caution to say this out loud, but for some of the students that are like, I just have to pass this class, it's one of my core classes, but it's not part of my major. I'm not really ever gonna need this course again. Um, then I'm like, okay, so cram and you're probably gonna forget it in two and a half days, but that's fine. But your like major classes, you want to retain that information. Yeah, yeah. And so I think doing little bits at a time, I think is really important for you. Yeah. And I love that you're like, I'm probably gonna have to shift my strategy away from like, well, I don't have four hours to study, I only have 45 minutes. I'm just, you know, yeah. Your current method has been like, well, I don't have time to get kind of into it. And you might need to just train yourself to be like, okay, I have a half hour, let me just read this section in the book. I'll take notes on this section in the book. And then when I have more time, I'll keep going. Yeah. Other study strategies uh might include um, there are just tons of resources out there now, quizlets and figuring out how it is that you can retain information. I just am not sure that all high school students have been explicitly taught study skills.

SPEAKER_03 34:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:04

So I think they get to college and they're like, well, I only have class like two hours a day. And so, you know, hey, I don't I don't actually have to put in a lot of the work.

SPEAKER_00 34:14

Yeah, I also think there are some high school classes that like everything that you'll need to know, they just have and like they teach it. So I feel like getting to more advanced classes, like sometimes not everything is coming from the professor, like you need to do your own outside like research, and that is also something I'm gonna need to adjust to because I'm I feel like almost all the time I just tried to like do the work in class and then out of class I like forget about it.

SPEAKER_01 34:42

Yeah, that's gonna have to probably change.

SPEAKER_00 34:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:46

Um, but I do think what you said, you have to go to class.

SPEAKER_00 34:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:51

I mean, yeah, I feel like I won't I don't think you're gonna I I'm saying this out loud for everyone, including you, right? Even if you're like, well, we don't really do anything in class, you have to be in class every

Syllabus, Office Hours, And Netiquette

SPEAKER_01 35:05

time, unless you're like, hey, I'm really not well, and then you have to email your instructor, even if they're like, it's fine, I don't have an attendance policy or whatever. Like, I just think that matters a lot. Because the truth is, your instructors are gonna be your letters of recommendation later. You know, those are gonna be the people that speak on your behalf when you're going to get a job or when you, you know, maybe want to get a scholarship or something like that. So they're not just like there to give you content. They are um, you know, gonna be relationships that I want you to build. And so asking questions and going to office hours just to introduce yourself and say, hey, I'm really enjoying psych 101 and I just wanted to say hello. My mom's an instructor, and I, you know, those things matter a lot. Yeah. And I'm not sure that this generation is taught explicitly to do those things.

SPEAKER_00 36:08

Yeah, I don't think so either.

SPEAKER_01 36:09

So that was good advice. Yeah, you can write that down.

unknown 36:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 36:12

Yeah. Fine. See, we gotta write things down, otherwise, we're not gonna remember them. Okay, how about we do one more question? There are another, there are a few other things that I think about, um, both for my like professional career and what I want for you when you have instructors. We kind of already talked about the workload, maybe different, the way you study may be different. Going to office hours, every um instructor will have office hours on the syllabus. And if I can say it for anybody listening, read your syllabus.

SPEAKER_03 36:50

Oh, really?

SPEAKER_01 36:51

Like read the syllabus, take notes on the syllabus, like ask questions about the syllabus if there are things because that is the roadmap for the course. Oh like every instructor puts the work into the syllabus that says, This is what the course is and what I want you to get out of it. And so all of their policies are going to be in there, all of their like um like kind of their philosophy around this course. So make sure that you read the syllabus. It should be posted somewhere, you should get access to it somewhere. And nothing, well, maybe not nothing, I think there are kind of very few things that make professors more irritated than when students have questions that they have already put in the syllabus. You know what I mean? So if you're like, hey, well, can I turn this in late? And your instructor's late policy is that they don't accept late work or they accept late work for this penalty. You don't have to ask whether they take late work. You just already know they'll take the late work, but you might as well expect that you're gonna get a C. Oh, wow. You might as well expect that you're gonna get a C on that assignment. Yeah, yeah. And that's fine. And maybe one other piece of advice is I think it's great when students ask for feedback about their assignment. So instructors kind of vary on their level of feedback that they give to students about different assignments, right? What we don't want is to ask for feedback on an assignment that you got a 9.5 out of 10 on.

SPEAKER_00 38:32

Okay, yeah, I probably wouldn't.

SPEAKER_01 38:33

Yeah. So just for everybody. Like if you got an A, right? If you do the percentage and if you got an A, you just keep doing that A work. You don't have to worry about being perfect.

SPEAKER_00 38:48

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right.

SPEAKER_01 38:49

So if you're like, I want to get a perfect score on everything, you are going to be a nightmare for your professor. You don't have to be perfect, you just have to do the work that they want you to do. Now, if you turned it in and you got a C or a D, then you can be like, Hey, how can I improve? But if you got an A, you just say that's amazing work, and I'm gonna keep doing that amazing work. Yeah. Otherwise, no. Yeah. There is all this research out there. So I want for listeners and for you, as you're on TikTok and you've been studying all the things, I want you to look up Netiquette. I want you to look up what that is.

SPEAKER_00 39:31

What does that mean? Can you just tell me?

SPEAKER_01 39:33

Well, you're gonna look it up and then you're gonna come back and we're gonna talk more about it.

SPEAKER_00 39:36

I don't know how to spell netiquette.

SPEAKER_01 39:38

N-E-T. It's like etiquette, but with an N at the beginning. E T I Q U E T T E. Yeah, netiquette. So essentially netiquette is uh kind of these unwritten rules of communication in a professional space. So your generation does a lot of written communication, but it's not through a professional lens, right? So for example, I had a student in my class this summer that um emailed me one whole paragraph with no punctuation, no capital letters. And it was clear that this student was really frustrated that um they received a grade that they didn't think they earned, though by the way, it was the grade they earned, not the grade that I gave them. Anyway, netiquette reminds you of these rules that you have to start with dear Dr. Tremel, comma, and spell their name right. Yikes. And then write your paragraph with punctuation. So Netiquette is like these kind of rules around that, and I think your generation could use just some reminders of that. And so as you are like learning all these different things about getting ready for college, this might be one that you can learn and we can come back and talk about again.

SPEAKER_00 41:04

Yeah, we kind of did a little bit of that at Burst because I remember like we had to sit through it, it was kind of like a homeroom type thing, and they taught us like you have to put deer, da-da-da, you have to, you know, say thank you so much for your time, whatever. And I remember like I moved to Yorktown, and that it actually wasn't what they expected at Yorktown. Like, I would write them these long things and they would respond with like two words. Yeah. And I was like, I don't need to do all that. Yeah. But yeah, I do think that that it matters a lot to some, maybe not to others, but it's always good to do.

SPEAKER_01 41:41

Yeah, and I think in college it's gonna be important that you put forth that level of professionalism even when you're not quite feeling like you should. Yeah, you should, because these people are gonna be the ones that you're gonna need later. So anyway, thanks for coming. Thanks for having me. Yeah, you're gonna come back again. You're just so thrilled about it. But anyway, can't we? Thanks for listening, friend, and until next time, stay safe and stay well. Ciao. Bye.