Ep183: What If Your Greatest Strength Is Connection

Two days before Mya leaves for college, the countdown gets real. We sit down as mom and daughter and try to say what’s actually true under all the logistics: stress, hope, anxiety, and that weird denial that shows up when you still haven’t packed. Using a feelings wheel sounds simple, but it changes the tone fast because you can’t problem-solve what you won’t name.

Then we go practical with budgeting for college students. We talk meal plans, coffee runs, fast food stops, Target temptations, and the moment your budget collides with your social life. We role-play the “everyone’s going out” scenario and unpack the harder question behind it: how do you stay connected without spending like belonging has a price tag? We also wrestle with the savings-versus-stress tradeoff, and how to make a choice and actually enjoy it instead of replaying it all day.

From there we shift into Clifton Strengths and a coaching conversation with a Gallup certified strengths coach. Mya’s top strength, Woo (winning others over), sparks a bigger hope for college: classmates aren’t strangers, they’re friends she hasn’t met yet. We connect Woo with Harmony, Consistency, Includer, and Communication, and talk about how strengths can help teens build community, handle conflict, and feel confident in a new season.

Finally, we face the goodbye and share a few gifts, including a lighthouse reminder that home stays steady while you learn to sail. We also introduce a simple journal practice, “Growing Together, Apart,” built for short daily reflection instead of endless scrolling. If you’re navigating a college transition, a parent-child relationship shift, or just trying to do the next right thing with money and emotions, this conversation is for you. Subscribe, share with a family who needs it, and leave a review with one thing that helped you feel ready-ish.

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Transcript

Welcome And College Countdown

SPEAKER_00 0:13

We're back. Hello. Hi for the third episode. I know last episode we split those into three smaller chunks. You probably didn't know I did that, but we split it into three smaller chunks so people can digest it a little bit. We'll probably do the same thing here today. But we have our uh third episode with Maya getting ready to go to college. T minus two days. Two days. Two days, something like that. Yeah. So Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. I guess technically if we count today, it's four days. But how are you feeling? Pretty much the same, I think. That's not a feeling word. I don't know. I need the wheel or whatever. I know. Well, you have your phone. I actually looked at the feelings wheel this morning when I was um preparing for today.

Naming Feelings With A Feelings Wheel

SPEAKER_00 1:05

See, sometimes it's okay to pause to think about how you're actually feeling. And remember, you're gonna have more than one, so you might pick a few words. Um stress. Hopefully.

SPEAKER_01 1:21

Anxious.

SPEAKER_00 1:23

Stressed, hopeful, and anxious. Okay. What are you hopeful about?

SPEAKER_01 1:28

Is that all like you when I get there?

SPEAKER_00 1:30

Yeah. I think so. What do you think is at the core of your stress?

SPEAKER_01 1:37

I don't know. I think I'm really just stressed because I'm like trying to make sure I see everyone before I leave and then like all the things I have to do, and it's just like running out of time.

SPEAKER_00 1:47

Yeah. I think that moment of kind of okay, so what am I gonna prioritize and how am I gonna prior prioritize all the things I want to do? Yeah. Well, we do have a few days, but that stress and anxiety I am not sure I'm gonna be able to take away from you. I think it may just need to be part of the process. Yeah. But some of that stress is probably gonna be what motivates you to do the things you have to do. A little of stress might be important.

Building A College Budget That Works

SPEAKER_00 2:15

Okay, we're gonna talk about three things today. The first is budgeting, which we kind of started last night. And, you know, I did some homework and was looking up sort of our meal plan and thinking through money and what you're gonna spend money on. And I think part of what talking about money does is that while for you it illuminates, like there is going to be a bank account that does run out at some point. I think sometimes kids whose parents pay for a lot of things, you know, you don't look at the bank account, you don't really think about the bank account. And so last night I had you come up with a budget. You don't have to tell us the numbers, but tell us about the process of making that budget. How was it for you?

SPEAKER_01 3:05

Well, I first just asked Chad GBT to do it for me because she was like my butt about it, and so, but then it was like kind of inaccurate, and I kind of realized like I would need more money in December for Christmas, and I would probably need less money in the first semester because I'll be so busy with volleyball all the time. So I just had to think about a couple of different things, but then it wasn't really that hard to do after that.

SPEAKER_00 3:35

So, what's your plan to stay on budget? How are you gonna keep track of things? How are you gonna prioritize things?

SPEAKER_01 3:43

Probably just make sure I'm not like doing unnecessary spending like on things that I'm gonna regret later. I think like dad said yesterday, like going to seven brew, like I just don't need to do that every week.

SPEAKER_00 3:58

So I think here's the crux of what the problem is going to be. We're gonna talk about some of your strengths that we kind of found out this week and working with a strengths coach. But I think

Social Spending Pressure And Seven Brew

SPEAKER_00 4:10

the hard part for you is gonna be when it crashes with your social life.

SPEAKER_01 4:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:17

When your budget crashes with your social life. So I want you to think through the scenario of you know, all the girls on your floor are gonna go to Seven Brew, and this is the third time this week that you maybe have kind of splurged a little bit, even if splurging is like an eight-dollar drink or whatever. Think through that process. So here all the girls are, they came to your dorm room, they're sitting on your white bedspread, you're kind of freaking out in your mind that they might get your white bedspread dirty. Okay. I'm just hoping you like picture the moment, right? Okay. And what's gonna happen, right? What do you anticipate happening in that moment? In the moment of what? They're like, yeah, let's go. We're gonna go to Seven Brew and then we're gonna stop by Chick-fil-A.

SPEAKER_01 5:12

I think I would just go, but then not get anything, which is fine. I've done that before plenty of times. Okay. How do you keep from feeling left out though? I think when I'm with the people, I don't feel left out. Like I'll just be like sad that I can't, but I'll just like bring my own food or something like that. I feel like I don't really feel left out just because I'm not eating the same things they are.

SPEAKER_00 5:35

Yeah. So as long as you get to be together. Yeah. As we were talking about budgeting, it is a constant decision-making process, right? We talked kind of last time about every yes is a no to something. And so if you're saying yes to some of these things, you're saying no to other things perhaps later in the month, or there's something else coming up, or maybe it's the seventh day of the month and you're already halfway through with your budget. Knowing you, how is that going to increase your stress level when you have a bunch of yeses at the beginning of the month, perhaps?

SPEAKER_01 6:14

It definitely will make me more anxious all month. And I don't know what I would do. Honestly, I feel like I would probably look for a way to make more money so I don't know how to feel stressed, but I don't know if that's an option really. That's what I would do if I was here.

SPEAKER_00 6:29

Like if you were here, you'd be thinking about how can I make more money? Yeah. And, you know, it it's sort of this balance for me that I'm thinking through with you that, you know, you set the budget, you know, kind of significantly less than the amount of money you have in savings. Yeah, yeah. Right? So you do have a little bit of extra money. And so I'm walking down this path with you, kind of thinking, okay, so what's worth more? Right? Taking another little bit of money out of savings so that you don't stress all month? Or is it, no, I really have to stick to my budget, even if that means I'm gonna be stressed?

SPEAKER_01 7:11

I don't know. Probably for my mental, it'd be better just to take a little bit more. But then I don't want it to become like a thing every time.

SPEAKER_00 7:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:20

Just to avoid stress. So I probably would just I've been known to do that, like to just be stressed, like because I'm so afraid of taking my money out of my savings for some reason.

SPEAKER_00 7:33

I know, yeah. You do have this sort of like block, and that might be a moment for off-air processing between you and I. But I do think that there's a trade-off to doing the things you love. And I think this is one of the things that you and I have talked about before that sometimes you really struggle kind of mentally and emotionally when you have to make decisions that aren't as clear-cut, right? Where it's like, well, I kind of want to hang out with my friends, but I really miss hanging out with my family. And then you can't really enjoy whatever decision you made because you're just plagued by guilt or worry or you know, whatever the feeling is on that wheel, you just kind of get sucked in by it, and it's hard to really enjoy either side.

SPEAKER_01 8:27

Yeah, that'd be true. I don't know what I'm gonna do, but I'll probably figure it out when I get there.

SPEAKER_00 8:34

Yeah, I mean, you'll struggle through it just like you know, all of us do struggle through some of those areas that are things we're still working on. But I I think knowing this thing in you, particularly about money, I think I just want to leave you with realizing that you know, I don't want you to become so rigid in this budget.

SPEAKER_01 8:57

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 8:58

Right? I don't want you to become so rigid that you're like every decision becomes this tumultuous, you know, uh emotional or mental thing where you're like, I don't know, should I spend six dollars at culverte on a kid's meal or should I just save all of my money, right? I I think there is a balance. I don't want to push you to just only seeing this budget number, but I do want you to realize that money does have value.

SPEAKER_01 9:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:26

And the more you can recognize the value, and then I think the real challenge that you face next is really loving the choice you make and really just like leaning into that instead of like looking back and being like, well, should I have spent that $12 on a t-shirt at Target that I didn't actually need, but I kind of liked at the moment. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:48

Just like you already spent the money to just enjoy it.

SPEAKER_00 9:50

Yeah. So it is what it is, and that decision you made, and maybe you can think about it,

Savings Versus Stress Tradeoffs

SPEAKER_00 9:55

um, you know, reflect on it, but otherwise, just sort of move on.

SPEAKER_01 9:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:59

Yeah. So John C. Maxwell. So you know I listen to a lot of audiobooks, and John C. Maxwell is an author who is known for writing lots of leadership books, inspirational kind of life books. And one of the quotes that I have lived with for probably two decades is reflection turns experience into insight. Okay. Reflection turns experience into insight. And so I think about this a lot. And you know, I'm I'm naturally really reflective, I think sometimes to a fault, right? I'm in an occupation that's really reflective. But I think we have a lot of experiences that we don't learn from because we don't pause to reflect on it. And so I don't want for you to just be like a ruminative, you're just ruminating on all of your experiences. But I do think the more we can pause to think, is this how I wanted my day or my life or you know, this week or this experience to go? That reflection turns that experience into insight. And I think that that's really powerful.

SPEAKER_01 11:09

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 11:09

What do you think about that?

SPEAKER_01 11:11

Yeah, I think that could apply to a lot of aspects. Like, I don't know if you're connecting it to budgeting, but it could be that, or it could be like any sort of life thing.

unknown 11:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:22

Okay. Anything else you want to talk about for the budget? Not really. I don't think you're like, I wish I never had to go back to that conversation. You know, I was talking to um my friend this morning on the phone, and we were talking about this scenario where you have, you know, your friends are going out. You don't know whether you really want to spend the money or not. And one of the things that I said is that you really only need one ally who is like, no, let's do something else, or hey, we can go do something. And so I just am curious about who that ally might become for you. You know, whether it's your roommate, you know, my roommate and I, um, I didn't know her, but we did we did some things together, maybe not a lot of things. But if you and your roommate or maybe the other freshman class get together to do something, I don't want to create division, you know. I love teams that do a lot of things together, but I know sometimes teams doing everything together when money is involved can become problematic.

SPEAKER_01 12:27

Yeah. So you're saying just like one other teammate that's like we don't have to get it, like I won't get it either.

SPEAKER_00 12:33

Yeah. I just think it'll be easier. And so I'm just I'm curious to see how you and your roommate and your partnership or allyship or friendship sort of grows. Maybe there's other

Learning To Enjoy Your Choice

SPEAKER_00 12:45

people on the team that you connect with. And again, it doesn't mean that you kind of exclude yourself from the team things, but I think some of those like tiny decisions may be easier if you have one other person.

SPEAKER_02 12:58

Yeah, I think so too.

SPEAKER_00 13:00

Okay. All right, friends, reminder talk to your kids about money. There's our budget conversation. Okay, so let's shift gears here to talk a little bit about strengths. So we had the opportunity because your aunt, my sister-in-law, um, Sarah Engel, is a Gallup certified strength coach. And she sent you a text, and what did she offer you?

SPEAKER_01 13:31

She well, for a graduation gift, she sent me like the Clifton Strengths book. And then, like, in the back of the book, or in the back of the book was a code for the test or yeah. And so she had me take the test, and then she kind of like sent me my results, and we had like a Zoom meeting and talked about what they all meant and like how they applied and everything. And yeah, it was really cool to see actually. Yeah, so what stood out to you? Well, I mean, it just was like so accurate that it was like kind of weird that they could like gather that about me. But my top strength was it's called woo. Woo. Mm-hmm. And that stood out to me because I think that I mean I it sounds weird, but it actually like I just didn't expect it to actually be like really what is actually my biggest strength.

SPEAKER_00 14:29

Yeah, I mean, we've kind of talked about this since we had our coaching session with her. That I think for me, when I was reading your report, so it comes with essentially this report that gives you your top five dominant strengths. So I I will probably mess this up. And actually, Sarah came on the podcast, and I can link to when she came on the podcast to talk about a strength-based approach. But you have these kind of dominant strengths, and then you have um kind of the middle of the 34 Gallup strengths are supporting

Reflection Turns Experience Into Insight

SPEAKER_00 15:05

strengths, and then the bottom kind of third or so, like these are just kind of guiding principles, I think, are what they consider areas of lesser talent. I actually really love that approach that all of the things are strengths for you. There's just they kind of prioritize different strengths. And as I was reading your report, I started tearing up about this idea of woo for you, because you and I know that you do love woo. You love winning others over. But I think because I'm your mom, I have sometimes seen that not as a strength. I have seen it as perhaps people pleasing or doing the most, or just like, oh my gosh, just like not everybody has to like you, although there is part of me that has a little bit of I want people to like me too. So that's kind of normal.

SPEAKER_02 15:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:58

But I really appreciated the description of winning others over, and it really made me think about how powerful it will be for you. And I think it already has been in like the workplace for you that winning people over is a real strength of yours.

SPEAKER_01 16:14

Yeah, I think so too, especially at the why. Like mostly everyone I work with is like someone that I know, and I think people I think they like me, and I feel like if I could do that there, then in the future in my career, I could do that there as well.

SPEAKER_00 16:31

Yeah, so woo is is one of the strengths that kind of we both agree and it makes sense, and that that's true. And I I think about the one sentence, there were a few sentences that I underlined. Did you read the report yet? Okay. So one of the sentences that I underlined said that you don't see strangers, you just see friends you haven't met yet. And that was sort of the line that with this transition to college made me really tear up because I I then had this vision of you walking into your classes and being like, all these people, none of them are strangers, they're just friends I haven't met yet.

SPEAKER_01 17:13

Yeah. I feel like that is my approach to almost everything I do, which is why I'm able to like have so many friends or meet so many people. And it's just the combination also of like moving school, it's like I had to find my way in a different group in the process of like trying to find my friends. It was like everyone could be my friend. I just have to find the people who are for me.

SPEAKER_00 17:38

Yeah, and and you know,

Finding One Ally For Better Choices

SPEAKER_00 17:40

Sarah, Aunt Sarah said something that I kind of come back to too. She said a strength is something that strengthens you, which feels like duh. Yeah. But it's true. I think the power in living in your strength, like living in those dominant strength areas, is that it it makes you feel strong and confident and like you're doing life the right way.

SPEAKER_01 18:06

Yeah, that's definitely true.

SPEAKER_00 18:08

And so when you have an opportunity to do life that way, it really feels very natural for you.

SPEAKER_01 18:15

Yeah, I think it also like makes me feel successful. Like when I've met someone else in there, I'm like, oh, they like me. Like, yeah, that makes me feel good.

SPEAKER_00 18:23

Yeah. Okay, so the report we got had five dominant strengths. You um there are 10 dominant strengths, but the report that she sends to most people at the beginning, she said, includes just five. So which of the other five are you like, huh?

SPEAKER_01 18:42

Um, I'm trying to remember all of them. It was woo, and then I guess harmony, I thought, like, I didn't think about it in that way, like the way that they put it on the paper. Like, I didn't if I feel like if I read that, I wouldn't be like, oh, that's definitely me, but it is.

SPEAKER_00 18:59

Um how do you see harmony coming up for you?

SPEAKER_01 19:03

Well, I feel like being in a college, like with all new people, could be a chance for me to use

Discovering Strengths With CliftonStrengths

SPEAKER_01 19:10

that strength because of all the different people we're gonna meet and like bring everyone together for a friend group or like even on the team, if there's I don't know if that's gonna be the case, but like if there's division in the team, I feel like I'm good at bringing teams together. And also like I was kind of puzzled at first by the consistency one, but then Ansara did a good job of explaining it.

SPEAKER_00 19:35

Yeah, so how did she how did you hear her describe that that connected to you?

SPEAKER_01 19:40

Well, was that the one that was like you treat everyone equally, right? Yeah. So like at first it didn't make sense. I was like, it I kind of thought of it like treat everyone equally like I was like, duh, I treat everyone equally, like it doesn't matter, but then I thought more like it really struck me because I kind of went through like a phase where I was like, all my friends in school that are my age, like I love them, but I also love all the younger girls, and they don't typically mesh, especially at Yorktown. I feel like everyone kind of stays like in their grade and their friends, which is great too. I love my friends in my grade, but I also loved the freshman, which was weird, like senior and freshman. But I think it's because of my like treating everyone equally, like I give everyone a chance to be a friend, and everyone the equal chance of me to love them. I don't know if that makes sense, but and then the those freshman girls are some of my best friends, like I see them every day. So I'm glad that that's how I am because I mean people that are for me.

SPEAKER_00 20:46

The thing that was so interesting when we started to really like dig into your top five is that we could just see so clearly how they all interact together.

SPEAKER_01 20:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:57

So your woo of you know, winning people over and being warm and inviting, plus your harmony, like you want people to feel good together. It's not that you avoid conflict altogether, but you generally like to resolve conflict as quickly as possible. And then your consistency part uh as your strength really, she was talking a lot about fairness during that. And so it's a little bit of kind of treating everyone equally,

Woo And Friends You Haven’t Met

SPEAKER_00 21:30

but it's also like there's a standard to how you do things, right? There's a standard to how you treat people, there's a standard to how you do your homework or fill in the blank. And you really like to follow that standard and you like to make sure or help other people also reach that standard. But I think when you talk about that um kind of inclusion of other people and inclusion of all people, it also um speaks to your one of your top five strengths, which is inclusion. Includer.

SPEAKER_02 22:01

Right.

SPEAKER_00 22:01

Remember that? Yeah. You're an includer. And then your fifth, or not, they weren't ranked in that order. We're just talking talking about all five, was communication. And so you start to see how all of those pieces tie together. Yeah. When you're like, I communicate pretty clearly. I'm one of the first to kind of speak up, particularly when it relates to including people or fairness or resolving conflict. Like you want to kind of speak pretty matter-of-factly so that you can kind of connect more with people with again that overarching kind of woo feeling. So it was so fun for me, but you know, I'm kind of a nerd. It was so fun for me to see all those five things and how they interact.

SPEAKER_01 22:47

Yeah. On a surface level, they're all saying the same thing, basically.

SPEAKER_00 22:51

Like just connecting with others. But when you start to think about it differently, are you able to see kind of some of the deeper meanings? Yeah. Yeah. So you're going to continue to think through that report. We have some homework. Because what was the hard question she asked you?

SPEAKER_01 23:08

She asked me three phrases that describe me. And I didn't really know what to say. And so my homework is that she sent me like a bunch of phrases, and I have to pick what I think. Mm-hmm. And then we're going to talk about that next time, I think.

SPEAKER_00 23:24

Yeah. She said it's one of the hardest things that she asks people as a coach when she goes through it. Um, phrases that describe people. She said that most people start to come up with some descriptor words, but to put a phrase to it just adds more depth. And so it's similar to what, you know, in therapy, when I ask people like, who are you? Really? I mean, it really stumps people to have to kind of pause to think about who are you? So yeah, I love how we were able to do that experience. Would you recommend that experience to people, like learning about their strengths?

SPEAKER_01 24:03

Yeah, I think I would. If they are receptive of it and like want to learn it and apply it.

SPEAKER_00 24:11

How long did it take you to do that assessment?

SPEAKER_01 24:14

It only took like 30 minutes. Yeah. It wasn't long at all.

SPEAKER_00 24:19

What did you, as you were, as you were like answering some of the questions, were they like hard to answer, or was it pretty much like, no, this I I can get through each question pretty quickly?

SPEAKER_01 24:30

Well, some of them were like, it's like this really describes me, or this really describes me. And it's like two different phrases. And the ones that were really hard where I was like, these both are really like what I think, like I forget what one was, but it was like I care a lot about others. And then the other one was like, I love being around people or something. These are like they go in tandem, and like I feel both.

SPEAKER_00 24:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:53

So it was hard

Harmony Fairness Inclusion And Communication

SPEAKER_01 24:55

for those types of questions.

SPEAKER_00 24:56

But other than that, like I pretty much knew like what I thought. It didn't take very long. You were kind of like one resonates much more than the other. But some of them, it was like, oh well, it's kind of both. Yeah. It reminds me of the eye doctor. Have you been to the eye doctor?

unknown 25:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:13

Oh, we should probably once, but you probably should go to the eye doctor. I have good eyes. Parenting fail. Anyway, at the eye doctor, you they like put you in this thing, and then they like she like shows you different lenses, and she's like, one or two. And they're like two different lenses, and it you have to tell her which is clearer. Okay. Right. And sometimes you get to the point where you're like, I don't know, they're both as clear as the other. It's hard to choose because the it kind of narrows in on this is kind of who you are. This is kind of the best version. And so either one could be true. So it kind of narrows into that. So I just wonder if that I don't know, it just reminded me of that. Oh, the other thing that she said that I thought was also interesting is in that book that she gave you, that you were it made me laugh a little bit when you got the gift. And um she is not going to be surprised that a teenager was like, wow, books for my graduation.

SPEAKER_01 26:24

I'm not even a normal teenager too. Like, I really don't read at all ever.

SPEAKER_00 26:28

I I don't I think a lot of teenagers don't read at all.

SPEAKER_01 26:32

A lot of my friends read, but even then it's like they're reading like interesting like fiction.

SPEAKER_00 26:38

You're gonna have to start reading, you know. Yeah, I know. Okay, and it might not be interesting. Okay. All right. So we are gonna continue to um perhaps meet with Aunt Sarah to talk through your strengths. I was very grateful to be able to go. I kind of butted myself into that coaching conversation because I'm just so interested. I did talk to her for a while afterward because um it's just so intriguing to me. But I I do think it's a really powerful tool for parents and I think in particular teenagers. I was telling my friend this morning when I was talking about it that it gives us different light in how you see your kids. And I was telling Sarah that so much of my life as a mom has been correcting and protecting, right? I'm just like correcting and protecting, correcting and protecting. And now I'm like moving into this different phase with you of celebrating and guiding, but not just I've got to fix all of it. You know, it's like I get to celebrate you and I get to walk alongside you, and I get to watch you thrive and make mistakes. And it was really helpful, I think, for me. And so I would definitely recommend it for parents, and I can share contact info if somebody wants to know more about working with Aunt Sarah. Aunt Sarah. Yeah, I mean, or other strength coaches, whatever you you kind of do. It's fine. Okay. Are you ready for the third section of yes? Okay, so here we go. This is probably the section that neither of us want to address. That's the goodbye section. Okay. So goodbyes are not my strength. Yeah, me neither. I know, I just hate it. I just want to be like, it's okay, we don't have to say goodbye. I'm just gonna love you forever. Yeah. And so I thought it might be helpful because I think we're both gonna be stressed and emotional. I I think it's a real, I don't know what the word is. It's just like kind of an unfair situation that the day you have to say goodbye is the same day that you're just like stressed and tired. We're gonna be walking up three flights of stairs with like your whole life in a dorm room. Yeah, it's probably gonna be hot. We're all like if the boys are with us, we're all gonna be just and then we're gonna have to say goodbye. So I'm just like, okay, let's just talk through how this is gonna go. Because I'm gonna try not to be stressed on Friday when we move you in. Yeah. But I'm a little worried that that's you know, maybe not gonna happen.

SPEAKER_01 29:19

Yeah, I feel like I don't know, like it's not like we are like on a time limit or like I feel like it'll be fun. Like we can just take our time, like get everything set up. I don't think that's gonna be like an influx of people. But I don't know, I'm like just kind of in the denial about the whole thing.

SPEAKER_00 29:37

I know the the whole episode today, you've been a little like subdued. I don't know if I mean it's not that early in the morning. You're just a little like subdued right now.

SPEAKER_02 29:48

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 29:50

I'm just saying, like that that denial thing kind of feels

The Hard Question Who Are You

SPEAKER_00 29:55

kind of feels kind of true.

SPEAKER_01 29:56

Yeah, well, I just like haven't even packed anything either. I'm just like, it'll be whatever. We're just both putting it off a little bit. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:05

Okay. So if we picture this like, okay, we've got your room set up, and now it's time to say goodbye. What does this look like for you in your mind? What do you want this to look like?

SPEAKER_01 30:14

I don't know. Well, I was thinking like if we were done, could we go to dinner after? Or I don't know if I practice, but I was kind of thinking like, I don't know, get it done and then like go do something else. Go like have dinner. Yeah. Because I don't know, like, I don't know what to do whenever you guys leave. I'm just gonna like sit there.

SPEAKER_00 30:35

I mean, you'll yeah, you'll probably have your roommate, yeah, and then maybe practice or something, but yeah, I mean, this is the part, right? That it's like now I'm like here. And I think back, and this is kind of a full circle moment, but I think back, I will never ever, ever forget the moment when we got in the backseat on the way home with you in the car seat, like after I gave birth to you. I will never forget this moment of just sitting in the back seat and looking at you and being like, Well, here we go, babe. Like, I don't know how to do this, you don't know how to do this, and we're gonna figure it out. But it's like, I think about this moment for you where like we all leave, and then you're like, Okay, okay, yeah, here's the first moment of the next phase. Yeah. And I don't know what that's gonna look like, really.

SPEAKER_01 31:28

Sorry, I'm kind of at a loss right now.

SPEAKER_00 31:30

I know, I know. Well, it definitely, I think I'm inviting you to let me know what you want that moment to look like. There's not gonna be, you know, whether it's a hug and I love you and I'll see you later. You're gonna hug all the

Planning The Goodbye On Move In

SPEAKER_00 31:45

boys. We're probably all gonna cry.

SPEAKER_01 31:48

I don't think the boys are gonna cry.

SPEAKER_00 31:50

I think the boys are gonna cry.

unknown 31:53

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 31:54

I think Adrian and Ari are both gonna cry.

SPEAKER_01 31:56

I don't think dad's gonna cry because he thinks I'm just gonna be back in like two days.

SPEAKER_00 32:00

I think we're probably all gonna cry.

SPEAKER_01 32:02

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 32:04

Just trying to prepare ourselves because I think once we step out of denial and we are like, okay, we really are leaving you in this room. That's true, I guess. It's gonna be time. Yeah. So probably just like hugs, family hugs, yeah. Photo day in the life.

SPEAKER_01 32:24

Sure. I'm not gonna make a day in the life, but you we can we should take a photo, probably.

SPEAKER_00 32:30

A photo, and then yeah, I think it helps that I'll be back the next day. But and probably, you know, I put all of your games on the calendar, and so we're gonna see you maybe a lot more folks who are maybe traveling a lot further away. It probably would be a lot harder.

SPEAKER_02 32:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:45

I think that that's where I've been with packing also. And I'm like, I mean, I mean, anything we forget, like it's literally an hour, yeah. Yeah, I'm an hour and 15 minutes away from you, and so it's gonna be fine. That's true. Okay, so I have some gifts for you. Okay, okay. You're like, what is happening? Okay, right now. I have gifts right now. Okay, okay. So the first gift. You can open it. Okay, yeah. Back for the audio. I know. I have been talking to you about every mo every movement you make is a talking like therapy gifts or something. Why do you have to say it like that? Bible verses. Bible verses, okay. One for you and one for me. Oh, matching, cute. Matching, cute. I'm pink and navy. I know, you see. Okay, so we have talked about kind of sharing something together with our favorite Bible verse. And these are just three verses that have been on my vision board and um kind of really matter to me. And so as you step into which verses matter to you, we can figure out how we incorporate that together. But we um are gonna make your gallery wall of all your gold prints.

SPEAKER_01 34:05

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:06

And so I thought maybe one of these could fit in there. So what does affliction mean? Affliction? Patient and affliction. Yeah, so like trouble, like it when you know you have obstacles or troubles or things like that. Love that, love that. That's cute. Okay, so that was gift number one. Gift number two. I've actually had this gift for a long time. Okay, and I've just been kind of holding on to it. Ready for the moment. Okay, okay. What is it? Like a lighthouse. It's a lighthouse. What is that? Yeah. So I love I love the symbolism of a lighthouse. I mean, I love the practicality of a lighthouse, but I, you know, we're not sailors or we don't have a boat, or we have the summit of boat. But do you know what the purpose of the lighthouse is? So when people go out onto the water, the lighthouse draws them back home. Oh, cute. I get it. You get it. And so the lighthouse is the steady presence of home. And so, as I was thinking about it this morning, I love the image of a lighthouse when kids are leaving home and reminding you that in darkness, in moments uh that you're not sure, the lighthouse will always be there. And you will always find your way back home. You can always look toward the light, you can always look toward home. But the other thing that it was reminding me this morning is that the lighthouse gives

Gifts Bible Verses And A Lighthouse

SPEAKER_00 36:00

people the confidence to explore and the confidence to sail. Oh, there's so many different meanings. Right. So you are getting into your ship and you're getting into your little boat, and you're going out on the water, and you have the confidence to know you can always find your way back home with the lighthouse. And I actually have a lighthouse right outside. It's right outside my office. It's been here for a while. Like outside? Yes, like literally six feet away from me, right outside that door.

SPEAKER_01 36:38

Oh, wow, okay. Just on like that size? It's bigger, but yeah. Well, imagine it again.

SPEAKER_00 36:45

Lighthouse will always be here for you. And in moments of affliction or trouble or darkness, I'll always be here. Okay. Love it. Love it. Love you. My last gift. Okay. Okay. Now listen, we're gonna have an open mind about this last gift, okay? It's never good when you have to play it. We're gonna have an open mind and we're gonna see how this gets. Okay. So here is my last gift. It's maybe better or worse. I don't know whether it's better or worse. You can open it and you can see it. Okay, so we're we're both kind of sentimental people. Yep. Okay. So I made these books. One for you. Oh, you like journals? One for you and one for me. Okay. Yep. And so that one's mine. To do it every day. That every day it's called Growing Together Apart. And so every day there'll be just a tiny moment for reflection. Okay. So um I sort of lump

Growing Together Apart Daily Journal

SPEAKER_00 37:55

them together into different themes. There is one verse from the Bible and then one focus for the day. And then just a couple of kind of reflections in the evening. So you and I, again, we are kind of sentimental folks. Yeah. But I loved the idea of both of us starting and ending our day together, even when we're not together. That's true. That is cute. So I asked chat to help me like make them very, very simple things. So less than five minutes, I'm picturing keeping this next to the bed. That before I even get out of bed, I spend two minutes. I look up like the first scripture is Isaiah 43, 19. Before I even step out of the bed. I'm just going to look it up. I'm going to think about the focus. Maybe that becomes my mantra for the day. Like the focus on August 7th, which is the first day, is God is already at work in this new season. And so I think about focusing on that throughout the day. And then, you know, the evening reflection is what did you where did you notice something new today? And so you already do gratitude journal at the end of the day. So this just gives you an opportunity to kind of write it down. And then perhaps a prayer reflection that you have. And so at the end of the month, then we uh will sort of chat together about the moment I'll remember most from this month. I saw God at work when one thing that surprised me this month, one way I've grown since August 7th. And so together we will just sort of start and end our day even when we aren't in the same house.

SPEAKER_01 39:43

Yeah, I love that. I actually do. Love that.

SPEAKER_00 39:46

Even though you're like, well, you know, journaling, I think, is one of those things that people kind of know is good for them, but then don't carve out the time to do it. And so that's why I think you, I know that you like a slow kind of morning. You like to just kind of sit in your bed for a little bit. Maybe you do a little bit of scrolling in the morning, the same thing kind of at night. You just kind of get in bed, maybe do a little scrolling. My ask for both of us is to commit to just having just a couple of minutes that aren't scrolling and they're committed to this idea of growing together apart.

SPEAKER_01 40:24

Got it.

SPEAKER_00 40:25

Got it. Okay. Love that. And then next month we'll have another book. And another podcast. And just kidding. I know. Well, I've actually thought about that. That you know, maybe there's a a day in August, a couple of weeks after you transition, that you can zoom in and we can continue the conversation.

SPEAKER_01 40:45

See how it's going.

SPEAKER_00 40:47

Yeah, fill listeners in on how it's going. And eventually maybe this um little binder together book that I put together in the basement will turn into something powerful that other families

Ready Ish And Closing

SPEAKER_00 41:00

can use too. Okay, I love you. I'm gonna miss you. Love you too. You'll be back, I'm sure. And um, listener, thanks for being here. And uh thanks for having me. Anything else you want to say? No, not really.

SPEAKER_01 41:15

Just ready ish. Ready ish.

SPEAKER_00 41:20

I think that's true for most of us. Yeah. All right, love. Bye. Bye.