WHY I SEPARATED MYSELF FROM LARGE FRIEND GROUPS

This episode isn't just about sharing struggles; it's a testament to the courage it takes to set personal boundaries and the liberation found in walking away from negativity. I talk candidly about the growth that stems from such decisions and the value of seeking authenticity over approval. Whether you're feeling out of place amidst the crowd or suffocated by the facade of fitting in, this conversation is for you. Tune in for a real talk on the importance of self-care and making choices that align with your inner peace, because sometimes, the healthiest step is to step back and breathe.

Chapters

• 0:06 The Toxicity of Large Friend Groups
• 10:21 Negative Experiences in Large Friend Groups

Transcript

Speaker 0: 0:06

What's good YouTube For Haley's here. So this is exactly why I don't do large friend groups and why I think that this can be potentially toxic. Then it doesn't even have to be friends. It could be like hanging out with outside relatives that is, not your immediate family, just big groups. But the reason why I never enjoy doing large groups and why it's toxic is because number one I was such a people pleaser. Till this day, I'm still learning how not to be a people pleaser. But I would always do things just to make others happy and I would always put my joy and my happiness to the side just so I can accommodate for everybody. I was putting others before myself, just to make the energy more light, just to make the energy more peaceful. But every time I would go home or I would be by myself, I would always have that negative tension inside of me. Why did I agree to do this? Why did I agree to do that? Why can't you just say no? When I would hang out with large friend groups especially, it was just so hard for me to say no.

Speaker 0: 1:09

I don't enjoy large friend groups because I did not like the version who I was. You sometimes do not like the version who you are, around a whole bunch of energies, around a whole bunch of personalities, because one, you're not being authentically you. It's hard to be so authentic when you have to align with certain personalities and energies and you want to fit in but at the same time you want to be your authentic, genuine self. So when I was hanging around with large people, I felt like I wasn't being authentically me. I felt like I was the worst version of myself because after a while I couldn't relate to these people anymore. After a while I didn't have a piece of mind. I was always stressed out because sometimes I would feel left out. And then other times I just didn't want to be around anymore and I felt obligated to be around. When I would be out and about with these large friend groups, some things, I would just feel left out. I wasn't a part of some of the conversations and I just did not like the version who I was. I was portraying a person just to fit in, just to be around these people, just to make these people happy. But at the end of the day I was losing who I was and sometimes, when you were around large groups of friends or even outside relatives. You just minimize who you are so you can accommodate everybody else. 2024,. I'm still learning how to stop people pleasing, but I put myself first. I say no nines out of 10 times because that's always what I wanted to say when I was hanging out with so many people.

Speaker 0: 2:40

Another thing is, when I was hanging out with large friend groups, every week it was always some type of celebration. Every week it would have to be game night or going to the club or going to the bar or a birthday party or a baby shower, like every single weekend. And at this time of my life I remember I had my own relationship, I had my own situation going on and it was becoming so stressful, it was becoming so much anxiety. Every single weekend we going out, every single weekend I got to waste money on a birthday party or a baby shower. I just wanted to focus on me and being around too many people, I just started to feel so much uncomfortable.

Speaker 0: 3:18

There's a time in your life especially once you have a child and you start to really learn about yourself and you start to really figure out who you are as a person there's times in your life where you just outgrow the people that you once wanted to do life with and at this point of my life I really started out growing people. I didn't feel right being in a large group. I always felt there was always some kind of hidden drama that I didn't know about, or maybe I was the topic of conversation when I wasn't around. This is why I just can't do a large group of friends, because I know you have been through this before. But in high school when I was hanging around with a large group of friends, they would all talk shit about each other. They would always talk crap about each other. And then in the large groups of cliques that you are in, there's little cliques in that large group. So it kind of feels mad weird. Why can't we just all get along and why can't we just enjoy each other's energy and be loyal to each other? But there was always some type of hidden animosity or a type of jealousy or a type of negativity, and I just don't got time for it.

Speaker 0: 4:19

Hanging around a group of people is just not for me, unless it's my family, unless it's my family, especially the family that I created, or my immediate family, and sometimes that can be stressful too. It's just not for me. It just becomes so toxic, it becomes so detrimental to my mental health and my peace of mind. I always just find it so weird when a group of women is like 10 of them in the group and they're so close. And I just always find it weird when large groups. They always get together just to post Instagram or Snapchat photos together. But I know behind closed doors they're all talking about each other. They're all hating on each other. One of them is jealous of the other. One of them don't want the other to succeed. It's always like that, and especially if you are such a people pleaser like me I was such a people pleaser You're the one who everyone is going to talk down on when you're not around, because you're so nice, because you're so kind.

Speaker 0: 5:12

For example, let's say you hanging around with a bunch of women and they got some personal shit going on in their life and you're the nice one, you're the kind one, you're the people pleaser. You're going to be the one that they're going to go to to then let their anger out. Sometimes they're going to let their anger out on you, not purposely, but kind of intentionally, because you're the nice one, you're the one who's always going to be there for them. You're the one who's always going to give them words of encouragement. You're the one who's always going to understand. But who's going to understand you? Who's going to be there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on. When you need someone to hear you out, they're going to be the one hearing you out. But when you're not around, they're going to be laughing about you. They're going to be gossiping about you.

Speaker 0: 5:51

That's why I just can't do big groups. From what I see online and from what I've been through personal experience, I separated myself from big groups. When they would post photos of each other or even videos of each other. I would just be like, wow, they're so fake. They all talked about each other. If this one person knew what I knew, little does she know she wouldn't even be in that position being around fake-ass people.

Speaker 0: 6:15

I'm the type of person I could have one or two loyal friends. I'm fine if I don't have any, because I have God with me in my life, but I don't need a whole bunch of people to validate who I am as a person. Very cool Just having a minimum of loyal people in my circle, because the more friends I have, the more people you have in your circle, the more drama you're going to start to have. There's always that one person that kills the vibe. There's always that other person that is just the hater.

Speaker 0: 6:44

And then what I noticed is that when you want to do better for yourself, once you choose you and you kind of separate yourself, you kind of form your own path, you do your own thing, you're not jumping on the bandwagon anymore. Everybody starts to hate on you. Everybody starts to be mad at you, like oh, she don't want to hang out with us anymore, she thinks she's too good for us. She don't chill with us anymore, she don't even hit us up anymore. You know why? It's because that girl wants to level up. She wants to have peace in her life. You know what it is. She outgrew you, she outgrew the relationship, and unfollowing you or cutting you off it doesn't mean that there's beef. It just means that there's a certain level, a place in her life that she wants to be in and she has to just let go of unnecessary dead weight. Sometimes the reason why a lot of y'all don't get blessed is because that blessing is just for you. It has your name on it, but try bringing unnecessary dead weight into your plans. God don't want the plans for everybody else, he just wants to bless you with it.

Speaker 0: 7:40

Sometimes you got to let people go to get to where you want to be. Everybody that comes with you can go with you, and that's what I learned in my big group of friends and family that I had to let go of. I had to let go of trying to be a people pleaser. I had to let go of trying to make everybody else happy. I had to let go of always making time for other people, but when I'm posting my YouTube channel, my podcast, no one is supporting me. It's always people that I don't know that is supporting me. Sometimes you got to just let go and let God. You got to do what is best for yourself.

Speaker 0: 8:12

Having so many people in your circle to me can be very toxic. As you get older, you start to realize that people that you knew for a really long time they were never really genuine. They were never really loyal for you to begin with. They were never really loyal to you to begin with. Some people are just around you because it benefits them. They're trying to get some type of opportunity being around you, and then others are there just to mentally, emotionally, drain you Like it's very one sided the friendship. It's so one sided. They're telling you everything about their drama, they're telling you everything about their personal business. They want you to be their therapist, but when it's time for you to break, when it's time for you to have your moment, no one is there for you. And I'm not saying every friendship is like this. Every large groups is like this, because I'm pretty sure there is some that is healthy. But the majority from what I've seen growing up, what I've been around, what I've witnessed, is really toxic and it's a whole bunch of fake ass people just gossiping about the next person.

Speaker 0: 9:13

And another thing is you want to be around like minded individuals. I want to be around like minded individuals. I don't want to be around people that just want to gossip all day. I don't want to be around people that are lazy, that are constantly making excuses, because if you are hanging out with four lazy people, you're going to be the fifth lazy one. If you are hanging out with people that are in toxic relationships and they're normalizing that and they're telling you that it's okay to be in a toxic relationship because that's the best that they can have. You are going to attract someone just as toxic, just like them, and you're going to think that's cool and it's not. Sometimes you just got to break the cycle and if that's you, that's got to do with this, that means you are the chosen one.

Speaker 0: 9:50

Don't be around large friend groups. That is potentially going to hurt you from your success, from your growth, from who you are as a person. Have your own individuality. Focus on you until the focus is you. It's cool to have friends that are loyal, but it's also cool. If you don't have friends, like if you in this moment, right now, you don't really have anyone. It's okay. Find your vibe until you attract your tribe. Your friends will come along in the journey. You're going to meet new people that are better for you, that are greater for you. That brings you positivity.

Speaker 0: 10:21

But I'm just not the one to hang out with so many people. I just can't do it. It's just so many fake vibes, it's so many bad energy. You know people smiling in your face, talking about you behind your back, and then, when that other friend is not around now, they coming to you gossiping about the other person and then, if you guys really notice, there's clicks, within these big, large friend groups or within these clicks, there's like little clicks.

Speaker 0: 10:43

Someone is always feeling left out. Someone is always saying, oh, why don't you invite me? What are you talking about? Like, that's too much bad energy for me If I'm around so many women and I got to be like so what are you talking about? Fill me in? That's not the type of energy, that's not the type of vibe I should be around. Why I got to feel left out and a lot of y'all. Yeah, don't say nothing, because y'all are people pleasing. Stop people pleasing, because you're going to live a life of misery. You're going to live a life for others. Stop living for other people and start living for yourself. And that's all I got to say y'all. And if y'all really like this content, please like, comment and subscribe and I'll be back.