SOMETIMES BEING SELFISH IS NECESSARY!!

Have you ever felt the sting of losing friends as you change and grow? That's a signpost on the road to self-discovery, and it's okay. In my heart-to-heart conversation, I peel back the layers of this often painful, yet ultimately liberating journey. I wade through the complex emotions that accompany the realization that not all relationships are meant to endure the test of our personal evolution. I share stories from my own life, confessing the trials of shedding my people-pleaser skin and embracing the empowering truth that people's exits from our lives signal alignment, not loss. This episode isn't just about the challenges; it's a celebration of the growth that defines who we're becoming.

Chapters

• 0:06 The Process of Growth and Self-Discovery
• 3:13 Choosing Self-Growth and Prioritizing Vision
• 8:35 Find Support, Break Toxic Cycles

Transcript

Speaker 0: 0:06

What up beautiful people for Haley's here. If you know you are a good person, you know you have good intentions, you know you have a pure soul, you know that you got to do what's best for you, you know that you are in the season of being a little bit selfish because you are choosing you, you are putting yourself first For a lot of you that be telling me like, oh, I lost friends, I lost relatives because I decided to put myself first. You didn't lose anybody. Anyone that cleared out of your path is not a loss, it's an alignment. Well, a lot of people don't talk about it. That when you outgrow people, the people that you once used to surround yourself with, they're not going to like it. People are not going to like. When you want to do better for yourself, people are never going to like. When you want to elevate for yourself, when you choose growth, when you choose a new mindset, people are just not going to like it. On your growth journey, on your self-love journey, when you try to discover who you are, when you try to figure out your own individuality, when you really just want to better yourself and just turn off the noise, a lot of people around you is never going to like it. You got to understand that when you get to a certain place in your life, especially as you get older, especially if you have kids, especially when you just in your own world and you trying to figure yourself out, you trying to learn more about yourself and you know you want more out of life, a lot of people is not going to resonate with that. A lot of people that you surround yourself with they're not going to relate to that anymore. Just know, the process of growth is never going to be easy. It's not easy, it's very uncomfortable. But I would say to just hang on, hang on to be uncomfortable, hang on to learning, hang on to growing, hang on to evolving. And the people that don't like it, those people are not for you.

Speaker 0: 1:45

One thing I noticed as I got older and I started to heal in my healing journey and I started to evolve as a person. I want to become a better version of myself, I want to elevate. I stopped following the crowd, I stopped being around other people that was just draining me. You notice that a lot of people that you once thought was for you it's not for you anymore. The people that you was growing up with and you thought that you was going to do life with those people. As you get older, they're just not for you anymore. And I realized the more older I got, the more I wanted to just evolve. I just wanted different for myself. I was in my own soul searching journey. I was in a spiritual journey, but I know I wanted so much more for me and my daughter. I just had to get out of the mindset that my circumstances was going to be my forever. I had to get out of the mindset of people pleasing, especially when you are a people pleaser.

Speaker 0: 2:37

Once you outgrow that version of yourself where you was a people pleaser, where you was doing things with everybody else, doing things for everybody else, putting others before yourself, you was minimizing who you are as a person just so you could fit in, you realize that not everyone is for you, not even the people that you once surrounded yourself with. You know why? Because that version of you, you can't relate to that person anymore. You know why Because you outgrew that version of you. That's what growth is, that's what evolving is. That's how you know you're changing. That's how you know you are stepping into a better version of yourself.

Speaker 0: 3:13

And the sad part is, when you are becoming the better version of yourself, you lose a lot of people on the way, but you're not losing anybody. It's not a loss, it's an alignment. God really clears the path for you. People that are just really trying to disrupt you from your path, from your focus, from your goals, from your vision. There's so many people around us that they feed us negativity and that negativity discourages us from following our vision, from focusing on our goals. So when you are on the path and it's kind of getting lonely, it's because you are in the right path. You are going to where you want to be, you are focusing on your vision.

Speaker 0: 3:48

God did not take you this far to leave you. He didn't take you this far to leave you, and for a lot of you that'd be like I have no friends, I have no one to hang out with. Did you ever think about maybe God removed you from those situations because God heard conversations that you didn't hear. He saw things that you didn't see. God knew that he didn't want you around that crowd. Sometimes being in the wrong crowd, being around bad company, it corrupts good character, like you guys know. When you guys are in your environment, it really distracts you from your path.

Speaker 0: 4:20

I was able to think more clear. I was able to stop people pleasing, and that's another thing. A lot of y'all are people pleasing. You guys are doing things just to fit in, just to make other people happy, but what are you doing for yourself? Are these people checking up on you? Or are they just checking up on you when it's beneficial for them? Because a lot of people they're just around you when it's benefiting them.

Speaker 0: 4:40

But once you start to grow, once you start to succeed, once you start to celebrate your wins, I'm telling you those people are going to feel some type of way. Those people are really not going to be happy for you. Those people are going to look at you and be like, wow, you changed up. You acting real bougie, you acting real different. And let me just tell you something when people feel some type of whale, people always got a smart comment because you're bougie, you got this bougie mindset. It's not that you got a bougie mindset, it's that you want more out of life.

Speaker 0: 5:07

And those people around you, they cannot relate to your vision because they are projecting their own insecurities, they're projecting their own jealousy, they're projecting their hate on you because they don't believe in themselves. So when someone don't believe in themselves, don't ever take that too serious. If you got people like this in your life, just tell them I hope you heal. Don't respond to negative things, don't respond to negative energy. Just tell them you hope you heal and move on. Move on with your life, because God got so much better for you.

Speaker 0: 5:37

And the reason why a lot of people don't grow I realized that people don't be blessed is because you're still holding on to the environment that you are so comfortable with. You got to get out of that environment that is so toxic, especially if you are in friendships and all they do is talk about themselves. If you've ever been around people and all they do is talk about themselves, they don't even ask you how you're doing, how's it going. They don't even ask you if you okay, what you up to. It's only all about them. That is so mentally draining these kinds of people. They lack self-awareness, their energy vampires. They will drain your energy and they're very self-centered. These kinds of people are going to just drain your mental health, drain your peace, drain your energy.

Speaker 0: 6:20

2024 is all about protecting your peace and you got to be a little bit selfish with your time. I'm not saying to be mean. I'm not saying to just cut everybody off. That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is when I mean to really choose you. You really got to choose yourself. You really got to prioritize your vision, because 2024 is about getting aligned with your vision. 2024 is about getting closer to God. 2024 is about getting rid of dead weight, people that are just holding you back, people that are just trying to sabotage you from your own success, people that are just not aligned with who you are anymore. That's what 2024 is all about. Sometimes you just got to be selfish, and if being selfish means you got to let people go that you love, they're toxic for you. You knew them your whole life, but you love them. You got to let it go.

Speaker 0: 7:08

Get uncomfortable with the process of growth, because it's not easy. People make it seem like growth is very easy. It's not easy. It's a journey. You're healing, you're understanding you. You're understanding your triggers, you getting closer to your intuition. You're getting closer to who you are as a person. It's not an easy journey, but it's something that you must do.

Speaker 0: 7:27

Focus on your vision now, because one thing I'm noticing is that a lot of our generation, our age, we're becoming in debt. I talked about this in my last video. But why are we helping everyone else, even our family? We helping them so much we're now we're in the process of messing up our future for us, for our kids. I am against that. If you are constantly helping out your family with bills and you putting others before yourself, you supporting other people and you showing up for people, but you don't even have time for you anymore, those people are not supporting you. Those people cannot reciprocate the same energy. You got to learn to be selfish, and not selfish being a mean person, but you got to be selfish where you loving you first and you prioritizing you first and you not letting anybody get in between your vision. The best thing that I've done for myself, the best thing that I've really done for myself, was I've removed myself from situations that I did not want to be a part of anymore. I didn't want to be a part of it anymore because, as I got older, I realized that not everybody out here is for me and not everybody out here has genuine intentions.

Speaker 0: 8:35

The crazy thing is like the environment that you in, because they can get so used to the version of you that is just like them. And when I mean just like them, they get used to a version of you that don't really want to grow, that don't want to prosper, that don't want to level up. Once they see that you broke that cycle and you broke that chain for you, that you really want to do better, they're going to feel some type of weight. And that's when you truly see who was really there for you. That's when you truly see who was really phony in your life. People that's not going to like you succeeding and leveling up and getting closer to God, getting God's favor and getting God's blessings. Those are your haters. Those are your haters. And I know you loved them and I know you once was around them and I know you was once laughing with them. But you got to really realize as you get older who's really there for you and who's really secretly hating on you. Because not everybody wants to see you win.

Speaker 0: 9:30

And I say this so many times it is so, so rare for you to find loyalty out here. It is so rare for you to find a real loving, healthy relationship, because toxic relationships, they're just so normalized. They're so normalized If you around people and they're all in toxic relationships. They're all bitter or they're all complaining about their boyfriend or their girlfriend. Don't follow them. Don't follow the crowd. Be your own person. Do better. Be that 1% Like okay, they all in toxic relationships.

Speaker 0: 10:01

Why got to follow them? They all want to be lazy. Why got to follow them? They all want to complain and play victim. Why do I have to follow them? Break the chain, break the cycle. If you got to be selfish, then be selfish because you owe it to yourself. You truly owe it to yourself. No one's going to give you that life that you really desire. No one's going to give you that life that you really want. You got to fight for it. When God sees you put it in the work, everything else will fall into place. I hope this content could really resonate with you and motivate you a little bit and inspire you a little bit and encourage you and uplift you, especially if you're going through dark situations right now. If you like this content, please like, comment and subscribe and, of course, I will be back for more videos.