HOW TO CO-PARENT EFFECTIVELY WITH A TOXIC EX.

Navigating the stormy seas of co-parenting with a toxic ex can feel like an insurmountable task. Yet, it's a journey many must face, and I'm no stranger to it myself. My personal experiences have taught me the value of setting unyielding boundaries and honing in on the needs of the children caught in the middle. This episode unpacks the toolkit necessary for dealing with a difficult ex while keeping your children's best interests at the forefront. I'lll share strategies for clear, written communication that serves as both a beacon of clarity and a shield in potential legal battles, ensuring that your child's environment is imbued with love and stability above all else.

Chapters

• 0:00 Effective Coparenting With a Toxic Ex
• 11:21 Managing Co-Parenting Relationships Peacefully

Transcript

Speaker 0: 0:00

How to co-parent effectively within Toxic Ex. Also, if you guys love content about self-improvement, personal development, self-love tips, relationships, friendship, spirituality, like and comment my videos, this is how you could really co-parent within Toxic Ex. Number one is that you guys got to really accept that the breakup is over, make peace with the relationship that it is over, accept that you guys are not together and you don't want to get back together, and also accept that this is in the best interest of yeah, kids. So if you guys have more than one kid together, or even one child I have one daughter I'm gonna speak more of my experience but if you guys got kids together, accept and make peace that it is in the best interest for you, for your ex and the kids, and establish boundaries. So this is exactly what I mean. Things didn't work out and I know you wanted this happy family with your kids and things don't always go the way that we planned. So you have to prioritize your kids having a peace, safety and loving home, even if you guys are not together. You guys are separately, parenting your kids differently, because if you stay with someone, that is toxic, that is not good for you. If you guys are living in a home and it's too much arguing, it's too much negativity, it's too much drama, the it's too much drama, the home is already broken. So understand that if you guys break up and it is best for you, it is best for the person, it is best for your kids that's giving your kids a better home and a peaceful home and a loving home than for your kids to grow up and seeing two parents that don't get along, that don't love each other, that probably don't even like each other, that probably hate each other. They're always arguing. The best thing that you can do for you, for your ex and for your kids, it's just so much peace along the way and definitely establish boundaries, which is number two. You got to communicate effectively, and this is exactly what I mean by that.

Speaker 0: 1:57

So when me and my ex, when we broke up, I made everything about my daughter. If it's not about my daughter, I don't care. I don't want to hear about it. I don't want to know what's going on in your life. I know what's going on in your, in your life. I don't care what's going on in your personal life. I don't care what you've been through at work. I don't care what you was wearing like that's how it is for me, that's what works for me, because when I broke up with my ex, when I walked away, I established clear boundaries with him and he just had to respect it. He just had to accept it. And now me and him, we are in a way better place. We get along so well.

Speaker 0: 2:28

But you have to establish boundaries. Your ex should not be knowing where was you last night, who you hanging out with, who are your friends, what you was wearing, what you're doing day-to-day life like your ex should not be in your personal business. Make sure you guys are texting, make sure everything is written. If you can't text with your person, then email your ex. Email your ex like listen, you're gonnaups. Drop-offs are at this time, at this location.

Speaker 0: 2:52

If your child is having an event like a graduation or a birthday party, tell them be at this graduation at this time. If you want to do birthday parties together, tell your ex like, listen, we could do a birthday party together. But let's keep it very respectful, bring in good energy and let's make this about my child. As long as you guys make the relationship, the co-parenting situation, about your kids, there should be no drama If both of y'all are in the same alignment and you guys have the same goal of just raising and parenting your kids in a good, loving situation, seeing both parties happy Mutually. Both parties are respecting each other, putting your child first. Because you guys have to put your child first, there should not be no drama.

Speaker 0: 3:37

But if this person is very toxic, text them. Text them very effectively and keep records. Keep receipts because just in case this person does some crazy things, like they're disrespecting you, they wanna argue with you in front of your kids. Have it recorded, have your receipts, just in case you take this person to court. You know the courts are on your side because you have enough proof, you have enough evidence that you are obviously the more mature person. You're doing everything that you got to do in the best interest of your child and this person is obviously not grown enough, not mature enough. So if anything happens, things will work out in your favor.

Speaker 0: 4:14

But if you guys are broken up and this person is toxic, you gotta limit the contact, like you guys gotta keep things literally about your kids. I cannot stand when um people ask me for my, for my advice, like, oh, how can I co-parent with an ex? And I know women that do this. They stay telling their exes like, oh, I was at a party last night, I was doing this. Like that's why some situations become so toxic, because, yeah, there's gonna be feelings involved.

Speaker 0: 4:42

If you guys just broken up, or why are you telling your ex your personal business? Stop, keep your personal business out of it. Try to keep your feelings and emotions out of it and make it about the child. Like, at the end of the day, the kids feel energy, you know, and the kids are already going to experience that type of loss of what it's like not to have mom and dad living together under one roof. So when you guys part ways, make sure that your kids are still feeling loved, they're still feeling protected and they're still feeling some kind of peace. Like, yeah, mom and dad may not be together, but there's respect, they both love me equally. They both do what is best for me. Like that's what you want your kids to feel. Do not be telling your ex about your business who you dating, you know who was you with Like that's none of their business. It has to be strictly about the kids. And let me tell you something, especially if you guys are co-parenting with narcissists narcissists love drama. Like they love it, they thrive on it, like they are addicted to the drama.

Speaker 0: 5:42

If you literally keep it about your kids and you keep it very limited, you're having a professional conversation at this point, like, hey, pick up my child at this time, my daughter needs this, my child needs this. Keep it very professional, but keep it very minimum. You know what I use. I use AI to write the text for me. Like I have this AI app and if I'm really frustrated or if I'm really angry, I would text how I really feel. I would have AI write it for me professionally and I would send that to my ex and I would just keep it very, um, respectable, very cool because, just in case, you don't know if that person is going to take you to court. So always keep it very minimum, but always keep it very professional and get to the point and say what you have to say and say it in the most respectfulest way, because you never know if they're going to take it to court. They're going to take it to a judge. You just never know.

Speaker 0: 6:32

But get your feelings out of it. Keep this about your kids. Your kids come first. It's not about you, it's not about your ex anymore. It's about your kids, and you want to make sure your kids are being raised with two people that may not be together, but they're happier separately and they're doing what they gotta do to put the kids first. That's what it's all about. The thing about narcissists is that once you do not give them that energy that they want because they love drama, they love that toxicity eventually they're gonna fall off, they're gonna become weak and they're gonna give up.

Speaker 0: 7:02

If you keep it very minimum, you keep it strict, keep it like the sentences are short. If they text you like how's my daughter doing? She's good, did she eat today? Yes, keep it very minimum. Don't go to the extreme Like, oh, this is what happened. And then this is like, yeah, doing too much, yeah, doing way too much. And then, yeah, giving these people more access to you and to your life. And then this is when feelings and emotions keep being more involved because, yeah, doing too much. Just keep it very simple, keep it very short.

Speaker 0: 7:29

If it's an an emergency, then you call them and if you cannot co-parent with a toxic ex because they're so immature, have another third party involved, like have a family member. Usually, when I, when I broke up with my ex and I had to drop off my daughter or whatever I had my sister do it when she was with me. I'm like, can you just drop her off here and can you just pick her up for me please? I made it like that, like the less contact the better, especially if this person is a narcissist, because it's something about them getting you mad and something about them getting a rise out of you. It's like their joy, it's like their happiness, it's like their christmas. So keep it very minimum and if you guys have to go to mediation, you know, speak with an attorney, speak with a judge, so that both co-parenting situation can be stable, can be peaceful, then do that, do what you gotta do, but keep receipts. If this person is not showing up, if this person is very disrespectful to you, if this person is calling you out of your name, especially on the phone, record it. Record it just in case you gotta go to court. You gotta fight for your rights and you gotta do what you gotta do for you and your kids, then do it.

Speaker 0: 8:35

Don't let this narcissist, don't let this toxic person control your life. It's so many people that be breaking up with the parents of their kids and they let that parent of their kids have so much control and so much power over them, especially women, because we do most of the work, we do all the work. Don't let your exes have so much power over you. Where you're not happy, where you're not thriving, where you're not doing what you want to do for you, for your kids, do not let your ex have this control over you because that's what they want. Oh, ladies, if you're listening and I'm not saying all men is like this, because a lot of men are not like this but, ladies, a lot of your exes they get you knocked up, they give you kids because they want to trap you. They want to trap you and they want to have control over you. Do not let them do this.

Speaker 0: 9:17

This is where the gray rock method especially dealing with someone so immature he got narcissist tendencies. Keep it about your kids. Don't be like oh yeah, we're doing this today. You know we're going to a party later, you know we're going to go hang. Don't do that. Just keep it about your kids. Our kid is fine, I'm taking them out, that's it. Keep it very simple, nothing more. You don't gotta do the most, because I I know what it's like to co-parent with someone very childish and I use this method on this person. I literally just kept things about my child and that matured my ex more like that, made him realize like, oh shit, she's not playing like, she's not doing these games with me. But if you're dealing with someone that's literally immature, so corny to even have a child with, that's when you're gonna have to go to court and you're gonna have to show them proof, you're gonna have to show them evidence so that things can go into your favor.

Speaker 0: 10:11

I think what I really want to say especially to women, you know, and men too is that just because you have a baby with someone does not mean especially someone that is like a piece of crap, does not mean that your life got to be a piece of crap, does not mean that your life have to be miserable. Your life have to be. Your life has to end because this person has so much power over you, because they have a child with you. Listen, there's courts for that, there's judges for that, there's having limited, restricted communication, there's having boundaries for that. Do not let this person win over your life just because you are not with them anymore, and I see this happening so many times.

Speaker 0: 10:51

I see people having kids with the wrong person and then they're like, oh, my life is so messed up because of this and that, no, your life is not messed up. You gotta do this correctly. You gotta do this effectively. You gotta do this strategically. But you also got to put your kids first. You got to do what is best for your kids. You got to do what is best for your mental health, your mental peace, because if you are not right as a mother and as a father, if your mental health is not right, you're not going to show up in the best way for your kids. You're not going to show up in the best way for yourself.

Speaker 0: 11:21

Don't let this person mess up your life just because you have a child with them. There's other ways that you can go about this. I don't always suggest going to court, but if it's really bad and it's really out of your control and it's really messing up your peace and your child's safety, then you have to go to court and show them evidence. But other than that, if you could really sit down with this person, like down with them and be like listen, I don't want you, I don't want to deal with you like that.

Speaker 0: 11:45

Let's just keep this about my kid. Let's have that respectful, let's have that mutual agreement that it's not about us anymore, it's about our child and what is best for our kid. You can't grow up. If you can't get it right, then I'm gonna take you to court. Just be real, you know. Be honest with them, be stern about how you feel and do not let your exes mess up your peace and your kids. Peace, and that's all I'm gonna say. So I hope this, I hope this can help at least one of y'all out, some of y'all out, all of y'all out. But if it did, please like, comment and subscribe and I'll be back for more videos, videos.