AUTHENTICALLY FRAHELIS
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AUTHENTICALLY FRAHELIS
RAISING YOUR PARTNER INSTEAD OF DATING HIM? KNOW THE RED FLAGS AND TAKE ACTION!!!
Ever felt more like a parent than a partner in your relationship? Trust me, you're not alone. I once dated a man whose hectic schedule left me constantly pleading for quality time, only to be met with half-hearted efforts and shallow gestures. This episode tackles the telltale signs that you may be raising your partner instead of dating them. Ill explore the frustration of having to guide someone on how to be a better partner, from their lack of emotional intelligence to their inability to engage in meaningful conversations. It's an emotionally taxing experience, and recognizing these red flags early can save you from wasting your time and energy on an unfulfilling relationship.
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I'm so sorry that I have been gone for a while. I have not been uploading content. I've been so distracted with real life, with being a mom. So I've been dating this guy guys and I really really like this guy. I really really liked him. I had to call it quits because I realized while I was dating him I felt like I was kind of raising him.
Speaker 0:So these are like the biggest signs, sis, that you're raising him instead of dating him. So what I mean is that basically, while you're dating this person, you're kind of raising them at the same time. To be who you want them to be, you need to let him go, especially if you're raising him. And the sign number one is that you're constantly telling him what to do, how to do it and how do you expect it to be done. You're basically raising him. So how to do it and how do you expect it to be done? You're basically raising him.
Speaker 0:So when I was dating this guy, what I've noticed is that I would have to tell him like, hey, can you prioritize me because he has such a busy, busy work schedule. So I would be like, hey, can you prioritize me? Can you at least call me more? Can you at least reach out more? So I don't feel like I'm giving you my all and he would tell me like, hey, I'm doing the best that I can, like I'm reaching out to you, I'm prioritizing you, but you gotta understand I'm really really busy. I have this really crazy work schedule. I would constantly have to tell the guy that I was dating to basically call me more, reach out to me more. I will have to tell him hey, I really appreciate when men be like how are you? How you feeling? Things like that. I will have to tell him what to do. And it was such a turn off because I would tell him and he's like I'm doing everything for you, I'm doing the best that I can, you know, basically, love bombing me. Like I would call it quits with him, and he would come back trying to chase me, beg for me. Basically, love bomb me. And it would go back to the same thing and I would tell him I'm like, I feel like I'm raising, I feel like I'm telling you to be what I want, how I want you to be, and he just couldn't get it right. At least for me he could not get it right.
Speaker 0:So if you're dating someone, or if you're in a relationship with someone and you're constantly telling them what to do, consistently, and things are not changing, things are not progressively getting better in the relationship, that's kind of a sign that you are raising him because, ladies, a real man is going to understand what to do without it being said. What's understood don't got to be explained, ladies. So if you're constantly telling him or you're nagging to him or you're complaining to him or you're kind of begging him, forcing him, pleading him like, hey, can you do this for me? Can you do this? Can you do that? Be more of a man, put in more effort, you know, show up more consistency. You're not really dating him because you're kind of raising him. You're kind of already telling him what to do, you are forcing him to be what you want him to be and if he just can't get it right, sis, you gotta let him go. It's so mentally draining and it's so mentally frustrating, like it's so frustrating to waste your time on someone to be how you want them to be or to be how they should be as a man. They still don't get it, they still don't understand, they still not getting better at it. So that's a big sign.
Speaker 0:Another sign I really believe that you're raising him instead of dating him is like you and him, y'all can't have uncomfortable conversations and that is such a turnoff for me. What is such a turnoff for me and a man is when he's not emotionally intelligent in the mind, like you guys can't have uncomfortable conversation. Like everything that you tell him like be more consistent, you know, reach out to me more, or this was bothering me, and he's just like yeah, okay, yeah, you're right, yeah, I understand, that's it, that's all he gives you. You know he's not, he doesn't communicate effectively, like every conversation you guys have is kind of like surface level and that is such a turnoff to me. Me when I was dating this person, I'm just like why can't you talk more? Like why can't you really say how you feel? He gives me like one word, two words answers and that is such a turnoff because I felt like I was dating a wall. I felt like I was by myself when I was with him. So I might as well be by myself and have peace.
Speaker 0:And that's another thing, ladies, like if you're constantly trying to have a real conversation with a man and it's just going one ear and out the other. Maybe it's because he don't understand it. He's not understanding, he's not comprehending anything that you're saying. It's because he's emotionally, mentally, he's very immature. He's incapable of being with a grown woman like you. He still has a lot of growing to do, he still has a lot of evolving to do, and you're not about to raise him because his mom failed to do so. So that is a big sign that you're you're not about to raise him because his mom failed to do so. So that is a big sign that you're raising him instead of dating him.
Speaker 0:What I've realized is that you kind of justify his behavior. You make excuses for his poor actions, like if he's not calling you enough, if he's not showing up for you, he's not showing out for you, he's not putting in effort, he's not showing you how much he appreciates you, how much he prioritizes showing you how much he appreciates you, how much he prioritizes you, how much he wants to be with you in your life. Because let me tell you something when y'all get in a relationship with someone men or women, I don't care the beginning of your relationship, that's like the honeymoon stage. It really is. That's when you guys just can't get enough of each other. That's how it should be in the beginning of your relationship. And if it's nothing like that and you are having a hard time getting through the dating stages with him or early relationship stages with him, it's just he's not the one. You're not asking for too much, like I swear ladies, you're not asking for too much, you're not asking for the most, you're just asking the wrong person. And that's what I've realized when I was dating this guy. I really, really liked this guy.
Speaker 0:I was just making excuses for his behavior like oh, he's not consistent because he has a heavy work schedule and me, I don't care if I have a heavy work schedule at the same time, I'm a mom, so I get it, I understand, but it takes 30 seconds to reach out to that person. It takes a little bit of effort. That's what's important. It's important to put in effort, it's important to put in consistency, it's important to put in that time. And if that person cannot give you their time, then you are wasting your time and their time. That's just really what it is, because if they're giving you all these issues in the beginning of your relationship, even if you're dating, you are walking into a preview of what your relationship will be if it gets really serious. That's just the preview of what you're about to walk into.
Speaker 0:Ladies, please be careful when you guys are dating someone, especially when you guys are in the beginning stages of getting to know them and feelings are hot and heavy. If things are not going smoothly and you're having these uncomfortable conversations and this man is just not getting it. He's not comprehending, he's not understanding, he's not paying attention, he's not focusing on what needs to be fixed, he's not focusing on solutions, he's just thinking about the problems. He's not growth oriented, he's not relationship focused. That's just not the one. He's still not manly man to be with you Like. He's still got growing to do Mentally. He's a child and honestly, ladies, if you're dealing with men like that, you gotta send his ass to kindergarten because he's not mentally mature to be with a grown, evolved woman like you. And that's what I had to realize.
Speaker 0:This is like the biggest one, but another reason you're raising him and this is such a turnoff. You're always financially helping him out. You know he don't help you out, but you're the one who's helping him out. You're the one who's paying all the bills. You're the one who's insisting like, hey, can you take me out to eat? Can you take me out for breakfast? He's broke, or he's not prioritizing you or he can't waste money on you. You're not even raising him. That's just such a turnoff. You're dating a broke person and dating a broke person especially when you're in a relationship and you're paying all the bills not only you're kind of raising him, but the real is hazardous, like it's hazardous to deal with someone who's broke, who don't got money for you, who don't even prioritize you. I would pay attention to that, lady.
Speaker 0:Moral of the story is that you never want to raise a man for the next woman.
Speaker 0:You never want to stay too long when you know it's wrong.
Speaker 0:You never want to waste your time trying to force, trying to make this man be what you want him to be, or make him what you expect him to be or what he expects himself to be. That's how you know you're really raising him and he's just not there. Like mentally, emotionally. He's still got a lot of evolving to do and that is not your job to raise him. Just because his family failed to do so does not mean you need of evolving to do, and that is not your job to raise him. Just because his family failed to do so does not mean you need to continue to do so. What most likely happens is that you're going to be drained, you're going to be left disappointed, you're going to be left broken hearted and you're gonna make him better, maybe, maybe you're gonna make him better for the next woman. These are the signs that you're raising him, and there's so many more other signs, but this was just what I realized when I was dating someone, and I will be back for my next video.