BIG SIGNS YOUR THE PROBLEM

Ever wondered why you keep finding yourself stuck in the cycle of toxic relationships? It's time to break free and reclaim your happiness and success. Through personal stories and candid discussions, I unveil the self-sabotaging habits of making excuses for those who don't have your best interests at heart. 

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Chapters

• 0:00 Breaking Free From Toxic Relationships
• 3:23 Setting Boundaries for Self-Love
• 7:05 Protecting Personal and Professional Privacy
• 10:47 Recognizing Toxic Patterns and Establishing Boundaries

Transcript

Speaker 0: 0:00

A lot of. Y'all got a lot of red flags within yourselves and then you guys wonder why y'all disappointed, y'all always angry, why things don't work out for you. Number one the reasons why y'all blessings be blocked is because y'all always making excuse for other people. Why are you making excuses for people that you know do not serve you, that you know do not belong in your life? Why put yourself in situations or in friendships or even relationships and you know it's not healthy for you, you know it's not going good for you, you know that your mental health is draining. Why are you constantly creating excuses for other people? I've been there before. I used to people, please. I used to make excuses for other people. I didn't want to believe in the bad in people. I always wanted to believe in the best. But you know what that does to you. That constantly hurts you, that constantly puts you in disappointment. That also puts you in a position where you no longer want to trust people. That right there, when you're constantly making excuses for other people and you choose to see the potential in them instead of the reality in them, you start to hinder your growth and your own self-development. You are around other people that instead of them nurturing you and uplifting you, they're actually hurting you. They're actually distracting you. They're actually pushing you away from your own focus, from your own goals, from your own vision. And when you're constantly making excuses for others, you are putting a strain in the relationships that you already have in your life. You're not putting yourself first, you're not putting your happiness first, you're not putting your well-being first, you're putting other people before you. If you are constantly trying to put other people before you and you're trying to validate their BS and their drama, that is a red flag within yourself that you need to change.

Speaker 0: 1:36

Another red flag within yourself is that you tolerate toxic and abusive relationships. What you allow is what you're going to get. So if you are in relationships and this abusive is toxic and I'm not only talking about physical abusive, I'm talking about mental, verbal where you're being bullied, where they're always putting you down, where they're always trying to make you feel below them you are allowing these things to happen. You can't get mad at anybody but yourself. You have to take accountability and responsibility for your actions and I know how it feels because I've been there. I've been in relationships or even friendships. It was toxic for me, it was draining for me.

Speaker 0: 2:14

If you know you are in this situation, you need to learn how to love yourself more and you need to accept the relationships for what it is. And you need to learn how to detach and cut these people off from your life. And if you don't want to cut them off, you need to learn how to keep your distance from people. You cannot blame anybody but yourself, and the reason why a lot of people choose to stay in relationships that are not good or even toxic or abusive, is because of fear. Fear is what's holding a lot of y'all back. Fear is what's holding you guys back from your greatness. It's holding you back from your blessings. It's holding you back from happiness. If you just remove yourself from situations that do not serve you, relationships that are hurting you, relationships that are putting you down mentally, emotionally that is breaking you down. That's when your blessings come. You know, once you get rid of these unnecessary people from your life, or these dead weight from your shoulders or these burdens, you know on the other side, the grass is greener right. The grass is greener where you water it, if you start to water yourself and you start to nurture yourself, if you start to pour love into yourself. I'm telling you, the other side of that door is greatness. The other side of that door is the life of joy. It's the life of peace.

Speaker 0: 3:23

Why are you constantly allowing people to treat you a certain way? You have to realize that you are the problem. You got to stop making excuses for yourself. You got to stop making excuses for other people. You got to stop tolerating their BS and you got to do what is best for you. No one is going to want to do what's best for you more than yourself. No one is going to love you more than yourself. No going to want to do what's best for you more than yourself. No one is going to love you more than yourself. No one is going to want you to be happy more than yourself. So stop allowing these people to drain you, to hurt you, to constantly put you down. Learn to detach and love yourself more. Learn to put these people behind you, not in front of you. People will only treat you the way that you allow them to treat you. Learn to take responsibility and accountability for your actions and for yourself.

Speaker 0: 4:10

You need to realize that this is a red flag within you, and I had to realize the hard way. I had to realize. There was a time in my life where I ended my relationship and I was just like why am I not happy anymore? What is this unnecessary burden on me where I just feel like my spirit ain't right when I'm around certain people and I just had to cut them off. And when I cut these people off, the path may be a little bit lonely, but I have so much peace. And let me tell you something when y'all cut people off and you have peace, notice that it was never a loss, it was a gain. If you gain your peace, if your mental health is right, if you got God with you, it's never a Don't. Ever feel bad for doing what is best for you, feel bad for allowing yourself to be put in situations that do not serve you.

Speaker 0: 4:54

Another red flag within yourself, especially ladies, is that y'all don't have boundaries. Y'all don't be putting boundaries within yourself, even with family, even with people that you are dating. Like let's say you have a certain goal that you want to do. Let's say, for a lot of y'all ladies that have kids, y'all want to go to the gym. Don't compromise that time with anybody else. For example, let's say you have plans or plans, come up. Don't let those plans distract you from going to the gym, because the gym is the time for you. It's literally the time for you. It's the time for your peace, it's the time for you to get yourself right. It's the time for you to feel better about yourself and I know a lot of us moms. We don't really have time like that because we got to take care of our kids. But if going to the gym is something that makes you happy and it makes you feel better, put that boundary up. People got to respect that your gym time is your gym time. Your partner got to respect that. Your family got to respect that. Your friends got to respect that. Who cares if they're trying to make plans? You really like going to the gym. Don't let them distract you from going to the gym.

Speaker 0: 5:51

When you have a lot of people in your circle, they distract you a lot and if you don't put boundaries, you're going to start being distracted from your own goals. So that's why I really think it's important for you to have boundaries within yourself. Protect your peace, protect your energy. It's nobody's business. But you got to learn how to put boundaries Because, like I said, no one is going to go hard for what you want for yourself more than you.

Speaker 0: 6:14

Ladies, if you're single, let's say you got male friends that are just male friends. You don't see them more than just a friend. Put boundaries with them too, because I realize when you have male friends Most of them they start to like you and things starts to get a little bit weird when you have friends that are the opposite sex men and women put boundaries, be like listen, we are just friends and this ain't going to go nowhere. I just see you as a friend because some guys they really take advantage. When y'all are friends and y'all are consistently hanging out with each other, they start to see you as their girlfriend instead of their friends and things get weird With relationships, with friendships, with family. Put boundaries Even if you are in a relationship, even if you are dating. Let's say you're dating somebody new, you just met them off an app and you guys are going strong and it's only been a couple of weeks or even a couple of months have.

Speaker 0: 7:05

Don't have everybody around your kid. Don't bring people around your home address so early, because you don't know what's gonna happen later down the line. What if things don't work out, and now they know your address and now they're love bombing you and now they're stalking you. It's so many crazy things going on in this world. Especially women have boundaries. Everybody don't gotta know everything that's going on with you and everybody don't gotta have access to you. Which goes on to number four. The red flag within yourself is that y'all gotta stop telling everybody y'all business, because your business is not always meant to be shared with everybody. And I'm being so serious about this because, let's say, you guys have small wins and I'm'm very, very passionate about this. But if you have small wins that you've been celebrating within yourself or you're really happy about, it's not always meant to be shared with everybody.

Speaker 0: 7:55

I remember years ago I would be putting on certain people on to a job that I had, because it was just a regular job and I was just putting people on. And I remember putting someone I knew on it kind of hurt me, kind of hurt my reputation, because my supervisor would tell me like I don't want that person working in this job, that person is not good in this job, that person is not reliable. Like don't be bringing people to this job if you're going to put people on like that and I wasn't thinking about it like that, but I'm just letting y'all know like y'all don't have to put all your friends and all your family on, and if your friends and your family they feel some type of way because you're not putting them onto your blessings and your opportunities, they some haters. They are some haters because your real friends and your real family, especially your family, your loved ones, they're going to respect. I'm happy for you, that's for you, and God bless you and God bless it and I want that to go well for you and they.

Speaker 0: 8:52

Not all your opportunities, not all your wins are meant to be put on with everybody else. It's just for you, it really just is for you. Once y'all start putting y'all friends and y'all neighbors and y'all family on, let's say you got a good raise and you start to tell everybody you got that raise, not everybody is mad because they're like, oh, but he or she got this raise and I didn't get this raise Because that blessing was just meant for you. And now, when you start telling everybody your business, that you got a raise, that you got a bonus, now everybody is talking behind your back and now they're going to get you in trouble because you opened up your mouth.

Speaker 0: 9:27

I've really learned at 30 years old my blessings and the things that I've got going on for me is not really meant to be shared unless I want it to be shared. But you don't have to share everything you really don't. It's really nobody's business and you don't need to be putting everybody on to what you got going on because you don't know later down the road that opportunity you didn't get a bigger blessing because you was putting that blessing onto people that it was not meant for them, it was just meant for yourself. So literally listen to me when I tell you this and hear me out. When you get blessed with things, it's just really meant for you. It has your name on it and if it was meant for those other people, it will happen to those other people. But don't go out of your way trying to help everybody to the point where now you hurting yourself and you're not winning anymore because you helping everybody else out and I had to really learn that the hard way.

Speaker 0: 10:21

You got to keep your businesses to yourself. Also, keep your personal relationships to yourself. Everybody don't got to know that you and your man or you and your girl was arguing last night, you had a small ass argument about nothing, or you guys are having finance issues. That's literally between you and your partner. And also nobody got to know your sex life. I don't know why people they always so comfortable to talk about their sex life, but if that's between you and your partner, that is between you and your partner. Why does everybody gotta know what goes on in the bed between you and your significant other?

Speaker 0: 10:47

These are the biggest red flags within yourself, and I've noticed that because I've been through this too. I was doing these things too and then I learned like, oh, holy crap, life humbled me. I was wondering, like, why I wasn happy, why my blessings wasn't happening to me, because I had to let certain people go. I had to change within myself and I had to change my environment. And I also learned that I got to keep things to myself, because everybody is not really rooting for you.

Speaker 0: 11:11

And when people are rooting for you, they want you to put them on just like you were put on or just like you got blessed. They want you to put them on just like you were put on or just like you got blessed. They want you to bless them the way you got blessed, and it doesn't always happen like that. That's not how it really works. The same way, how you had to grind to get where you are in life, they got to do the same thing. You can't just give them something for free. That's not how it works. These are the biggest red flags within yourself and if you like this video, please like comment.