Choose Joyy Podcast
Based on the mood and habit tracking Joyyful Planner, the Choose Joyy podcast is focused on self alignment for those who struggle with anxiety. Through these unpredictable times, we’ve all experienced moments of self-doubt and uncertainty. By making a conscious effort to choose joy daily, we allow ourselves to heal and grow into the path destined for us. Join me weekly to unpack, affirm, and choose joy.
Choose Joyy Podcast
Chels Chats 101: Scroll, Compare, Repeat?
Our first "Chels Chat" uncovers the complex world of social media, balancing its instant connectivity with the emotional toll it can take. We share real listener stories—one person's love-hate relationship with these platforms and another's journey towards posting with growing confidence. Plus, we tackle that all-too-familiar feeling of inadequacy and offer heartfelt advice on how to stay content and true to yourself amidst the digital noise.
So excited to roll out this new segment where it gives a chat with an old friend as we unpack your questions, comments, and all the feels. So sit back, grab a snack, pour a drink and LET'S CHAT.
Don't forget to text us to be featured on the next episode of Chels Chats!
Visit www.choosejoyy.com for more
Hello and welcome to the Chels Chat segment of this podcast. These are the episodes that are all about you. We want to know your questions, your thoughts, your concerns, your problems and unpack them together Think advice column, but make it cute, okay. So grab a drink, grab some snacks, get comfortable, because we're about to dive into some of these texts together. If you don't know already, we have a text line. You can find this tagged under every episode of wherever you listen to your podcast, whether that be Apple Podcasts or Spotify. The link is also in our bio on Instagram and our website. Just click the link and it will open up a text and you can text your problems. All questions, comments, comments, concerns are anonymous. Nobody knows, but you will be featured on the pod, so let's get into it. Also, do y'all hear this crispiness, like you can hear my bracelets Shout out to my mama for the new mics? We bringing y'all crisp, clean content, okay, anyway, back to the chat.
Speaker 1:There are days I love social media and then there are days I long for the time when we don't have instant access to everyone's lives. I love being able to reconnect with people, but I also hate how hard it is to disconnect from people. Social media is one of the most ironic things in our lives. As much as you don't think, you compare yourself to others, it's just not true. There's always going to be that one post that makes you look introspectively and think, damn, I'm not doing so great, okay, thank you. First text. Thank you so much for commenting and I'll have to agree with you Social media is like the best and worst thing simultaneously, like it's the best thing to. It's the best way to share what's going on in your life, instant access to whatever's going on, and it sometimes just feels good. It feels good to post like a little pic. It feels good to show where you are, what you ate. It's cool looking at, like, other people's lives and just connecting with people quick. It's literally the quickest way to reach out to people. Um, if you think about it like, we used to have letters, paper mail, um, pigeons and this, and now you can instantly text somebody. You can instantly go on somebody's page. You can see them on live, see what they're doing in real time. Like it's honestly amazing at how far we've come through technology. But at the same time you're absolutely right, it's definitely hard to disconnect from people. It's hard to separate, comparing yourself to others and like making social media a fun place when it can be dark. So shout out to you and you are doing a great job, I know. Don't let social media lead you to believe that you're not doing the things that you're definitely doing you know. Okay, next text I think it's very easy to make comparisons from what you see on social media, because you don't have a true connection with the person.
Speaker 1:You only see the part of their life that's being shared at the moment and not all the things leading up to or after. I love scrolling social media as a pastime. I'm new to posting and will admit it's intimidating. I don't know these people that view my content, but I find myself caring about them, what they think and how I will appear to them. The more I post, the more confident I become. But it's a scary place, absolutely. I don't think that's talked about enough, like how intimidating it can be and how anxious you can feel. Putting yourself out there on social media posting, going live Like being raw and vulnerable, kind of sucks sometimes. And we don't talk about the vulnerability it takes to post.
Speaker 1:I mentioned in the last episode that I had taken a break from social media I hadn't posted in almost a year, actually, probably a little over a year. I did not post to social media, more so Instagram, and I took a vacation with my family and I got some good content. Like your girl was looking good and I really wanted to post on social media and I just like felt myself prepping myself to post on Instagram and it was the worst. Like I kept posting them, taking it down, trying to figure out a caption, like I just felt anxious about it all and why, bro, like, why are we scared Like to post? Like, why are we scared Like to post? Why are we scared to interact? And then it dawned on me, like it's really an outer body experience.
Speaker 1:Social media and that whole realm is very extroverted. It's a very extroverted activity. If you're an introvert or an amoebertoebert, like, it can be very hard for you. Hell, even if you're an extroverted person, it can be hard. So it takes a lot. And shout out to you for having confidence and Navigating something that you're not Used to, jumping into something that you haven't done before and taking risks. Like it may seem small, it may seem trivial, but it's a big deal. I'm proud, I'm proud of you. So keep posting. Keep trying to make connections. If you're making a page or you're trying to get your following up, like, do you. As long as it makes you happy, continue to do it and when you stop having fun with it, be done with it, okay. Period, period.
Speaker 1:Hey Chels, I've noticed that I often feel inadequate after scrolling through my social media feeds. Everyone seems to be doing better than me traveling to exotic places, achieving career milestones and having perfect relationships. How can I stop comparing myself to others online and feel more content with my own life, sincerely overwhelmed by social media? That's actually really really cute. I love your opening and I love like the vibe which a lot of y'all did so shout out to you. I love the whole hey chills and I love like the signature. With like. However, you're feeling that's actually really cute, so keep doing that. Um, wow. It just goes back to what I've already said before. When we're on instagram, we are seeing people's highlight reels. We're seeing the best of the best.
Speaker 1:It's very rare when I'm scrolling that I see people talk about the real like, what's really going on in their life and the problems that they're having and the things that they are going through. I said it takes a level of vulnerability to be on social media as it does, but like people are not like in their rawest, like true form at all. So when you see people doing stuff that you're not like, that's not an immediate Chance to start comparing yourself to them and why you're not doing what they're doing. As I mentioned in the previous episode, you're just taking all of that energy and wasting it on Pretty much like caring about people that don't care about you. How you can stop comparing yourself to others online is to get offline. Get offline and get into the real world Like get in the field, okay. Get in the field, okay.
Speaker 1:Decide about what you really want to do. Are you trying to go out of the country to exotic places to one-up somebody else? Are you trying to have a career milestone to compare it to somebody else that has three, four, five degrees, or do you want to do it for yourself? So take a pause from being online and have a conversation with yourself. Take out a pen and paper and really set out where you want to be. Where do I see myself in the next five years? Where do I see myself in the next six months, in the next month, in the next week and figure out what you want to do and then make the steps of how you're going to get there. Align yourself with your own schedule to figure out how you're going to achieve your own goals and what you want, and when it comes time for you to post, post it. If you don't want to post, cool. But like, figure out what you want to do Instead of being so focused on what everyone's doing around you, because a lot of times it can seem like everybody's life is moving Onward and yours is just stagnant, but it's really not the case.
Speaker 1:It's just you're seeing it from like you're having tunnel vision with it. You're seeing it from one perspective and one point of view, when really you need to take a step back and have a bird's eye view and see the full circle, okay, next, hey, I'm struggling with feeling envious of my friends on social media. Every time I see their posts about new purchases, vacations or promotions, I feel a pang of jealousy. How can I manage these feelings and be genuinely happy for them? Best green with envy? Um, so, yeah, pretty much the same thing that I said for the last one like, and it genuinely starts with being happy about yourself and your own life like it's all projection. So like, when you're feeling jealous, when you're feeling all these things, you need to take a step back and look inside, like, why do you feel that way? And figure out what the root cause is for that issue. Because if you don't handle problems at the root, like those weeds are going to continue to grow.
Speaker 1:Okay, so my partner and I often argue because I get upset when I see them liking or commenting on other people's posts, especially attractive individuals. Sorry, it makes me feel insecure and like I'm not enough. How can I address these feelings and talk to my partner about social media and how it affects our relationship? Okay, I'm laughing because girl guy, I don't know if you're a girl or guy, but, like Honey, feeling is mutual. Like I feel like you're not the only I'm not even gonna say I feel, like I know you're not the only one like people, social media is a dangerous place.
Speaker 1:Okay, it's a dangerous place. It's full of temptation and just everything good that you can think about social media. Like there is a dark side to it, very dark, and it's just getting getting darker by the days. Like I'll be pulling up my explorer page, I'll be like being on my for you page and I'll be seeing stuff that I don't want to see. Like y'all be out here like, really like popping it, really popping it, and then, when you're in a relationship, it just makes things 10 times harder because, like, like a comment, a dm like we, this is like layers to unpack and it's almost like bringing a foreign, a foreign outlier, into our everyday lives.
Speaker 1:But to answer your question, how can I address these feelings and talk to my partner about how social media affects our relationship? Honestly, it's a conversation, um, and I feel like in any relationship, whether that's romantic, um a friend, any type of connection that you have, it's about communication and it's about talking, like talk about what makes you feel uncomfortable, it deters you or the fears in your relationship. I feel like if you're close to somebody, um, or if that's your person, if that's your man, that's your girl, like you should feel comfortable enough to be having these very raw conversations, um, about how you feel and about boundaries that you may or may not need to set in your relationship. Every relationship is different. Somebody might be cool with their person being on social media and um, liking and commenting and this, that and the third and other people are like, um, why are you liking her pic when you got me right here? What you see that I don't, what you like about it? Tell me what you like about it. Write me an essay on what you like about it.
Speaker 1:But no, I think, first and foremost, your most important relationship that you have outside of the one that you have with God, is the one that you have with yourself. So really resonate with those feelings that you feel whether that's anxiety, whether that's fear, whether that's jealousy and see where it stems from, and then have a candid conversation with your partner and honestly, approaching the conversation with empathy and openness is going to help you create just supportive dialogue and ensuring that both of you guys feel heard and respected and understood, because that's what it's about in any relationship that you have. You want to respect your partner and you want your partner to have that mutual respect for you, for any boundaries or things that you need set in place in your relationship to make you feel comfortable. And I would just be honest you can reach out to them and just say I've noticed that I feel uncomfortable when I see you liking people's pictures on Instagram and obviously it's a normal part of social media, but talk about how it makes you feel and go from there. Talk about how it's affecting how you feel and affecting your relationship.
Speaker 1:Emphasize how much you want to have a strong and open relationship with your partner and really make sure that that it's not about a control thing, because I think a lot of people get into relationships you really try whether it's just a friendship too. It's like we try to control what people do and you can. You it's out of your control. People are going to be people all day long, have been for centuries and people are going to do what they want to do. Period. Despite what you tell them, despite you know what you try to make them do, people are going to do what they want to do. At the end of the day, text us back and let us know, like, how that worked for you, because girl, I'm curious or guy I'm curious, I don't know.
Speaker 1:Okay, hi, I'm a new mom and I find myself constantly comparing my parenting and baby to others I see on social media. It makes me feel like I'm not doing a good enough job. How can I stop and feel more confident in my own parenting and secure a new mom? Well, hello, girl, and congratulations On you and your bundle of joy. I'm not a parent, but it doesn't take me, not being a parent, to know that that is a very difficult road Like my. Me must say it on an episode, on our first episode here. It's intense, it's very intense and I think you need to come to terms with that and realize that, like being a new mom, being a new parent is hard. So take that in and give yourself grace. You're doing a great job. You brought a human into this world. Stop, take a moment to realize how amazing that is and how wonderful that is and what a blessing it is to have a wonderful, healthy baby and be healthy enough to bring a life earth side. Like that's amazing, that's amazing and you should be celebrating that and that journey and not beating yourself up about the small things Just because, like I've already mentioned, but we'll continue things um, just because, like I've already mentioned, but will continue to mention, just because you see, what you see on social media is not real.
Speaker 1:It is not a real place y'all like. It's a place, how I view it, it's a place for us to have get so dark and twisted so quick, okay, so don't, don't compare yourself to other moms like. Instead, this is a perfect opportunity for you to reach out to new mothers. If you feel comfortable with that, and I don't know set up something, have those candid conversations, be real, be raw like you can set up raw, like you can set up a play date, you can set up a coffee date with a new mom in exchange, because every time you think that you're not alone, like there's somebody, like there's so many people in this world, like you're not alone in your thoughts, you're not alone in how, the way that you feel, and by you being open and honest, you may help somebody else or, if anything, help yourself feel better.
Speaker 1:So never compare your journey to somebody else's. It's your journey with your baby. It's your life to live and it's never going to look exactly like somebody else's. It's never going to mirror another parent, because that's you and your child and your family, and it's different. There might be similarities along the way, but like it's your own unique journey that god planned out and sought out for you. So take ownership of that and be proud of that. And yeah, like don't don't there.
Speaker 1:There's so many other fields that come into being a parent, and social media just is a trivial one. That shouldn't be one of them. Ok, so take a breath, love on your baby and know that you're doing a freaking good job. Ok, and that's just tea. Ok, proud, but polite. Hey, I love sharing my achievements on social media, but I worry about coming across being boastful and just being proud, or being proud but with, like a sense of humility. It's a lot, but I feel like it's all about intention for real. If you just graduated, if you just opened up a business, be proud about that, like it's okay to be proud of yourself. So don't make anybody feel, make you feel like, oh, like I have to hide this because I don't want this other person to feel bad or whatever. Like do things for you and let everything else fall by the wayside. If you know that those are not your intentions, like that's not your intentions, and you post and if the shoe fits, the shoe fits, babes, like it is what it is. People you're not, everybody's not gonna like what you do. Everybody's not gonna support you and support what you do.
Speaker 1:I've had people not like me and I used to be so, like, focused on that. Like my goodness who likes me? Like I'm so concerned, had people not like me and I used to be so, like, focused on that. Like, oh my goodness, who likes me? Like I'm so concerned about people who like me and then I figure out, like they don't dislike me for a specific reason. I'm just not their cup of tea and that's fine, because I'm a shot of tequila anyway. So just do you.
Speaker 1:It's okay to share your successes and it's also okay to be considerate of others. You can do both. Like I know, the world makes things seem like they're very black and white, but like we don't talk about those gray areas. And it's okay for you to be proud of what you're doing, but also considerate of people that are not doing what they need to be doing or what they want to do or whatever. You know the same advice that I gave about people just not comparing yourself and taking a break from social media. That can go both ways. Those that's what am I trying to say? That is projection. Back to what I already have said. That's projection.
Speaker 1:How people feel about you is none of your business, period, it's none of your business. It's none of your business. Live your life. People's opinions will just be that people's opinions and how they feel. That has nothing to do with you, your business, your achievements, your graduation, your whatever, your wedding, your baby, nothing, none of that, live your life. If you, your baby, nothing, none of that, live your life. If you want to share it, cool, share it. But like, if not, continue to live your life.
Speaker 1:And that's another thing, too, that people don't really talk about. When it comes to social media, like, you have to be ready for that. If you're going to be vulnerable and if you're going to post and if you're going to open up your life to social media, you need to be prepared for just that for people to comment on what you got going on. If you are struggling with that to a point where it's bringing you to I don't know negative thoughts or it's messing with your mental or anything, you need to take a step back, because once you put it out there, babes, you can't really control how people view you or what people comment or like, how people feel. And if you're worried about that more so than you're worried about the actual achievement in itself, then maybe you shouldn't post like and, honestly, that sounded really, that sounded kind of tough. Honestly, that sounded, really that sounded kind of tough. But it is what it is like. It's a very cutthroat world and it's a very social media can be a very cutthroat place, so you just have to have the mental stability and the emotional readiness to do that last one.
Speaker 1:I find myself spending hours curating my Instagram posts to make sure they look perfect. It's exhausting. It literally takes away from enjoying the moment. How can I break this habit? I feel like my self-worth is tied to the number of likes and comments I get to my posts, and when I don't get as much engagement as I hope, I feel really down. Okay, is you getting paid from Instagram? Is Instagram writing you a check? Because, if so, by all means, make sure that you're getting that money, honey, and make sure that your posts are as follows Just kidding, but even if not, um, like I said before, social media is not real.
Speaker 1:Like people be editing the whole out of their pictures. We all have edited, we all have tried to make sure pictures look perfect before we post them. I get it, um, but if it's like creating an unhealthy habit within you, you need to take a break and just enjoy it. Like, just have fun. Like. Social media can be a very fun place if you allow it to be. Know that, and then your self-worth comment like sounds like a deeper issue. You're worthy of love. You're worthy of likes. You're worthy of comments. Like people comment on you in real life. You know people like you in real life turn the phones off, put the phone down. Like when's the last time that you've walked up to somebody and was like, hey, I like your dress. Like, hey, like you look fine today. Like, oh, my goodness, I love your haircut. Like, be real, be authentic. Like and if you haven't, like, go out and do that in real life.
Speaker 1:You know, like there's so much real life to live, away from our phones, away from our computers, that, like, people don't understand. Like, just because you get five likes and another person gets 500, or just because you get 500 likes and the next person has 10, doesn't make you better than the next and doesn't make you less than than the next. You know, like it doesn't. It's not equivalent to what you know. Like how many people can say that every person that follows them, they know personally. Or every person that you follow you know personally. Like you don't. Like it's not a real place. Like, don't put so much weight and pressure on yourself for things that really just don't matter, you know, and if you feel like it's weighing you down that much, bringing you to a point where your mental is not right and your self-confidence is being lowered, then that's just not a place that you should feel and you should take a step back until you feel comfortable enough to do so.
Speaker 1:I feel like we don't have enough real people. Like people are just living this like fake life and everybody's just like plastic. Like I feel like we just living in a Barbie world. It's just not real life. Like I feel like the more real and authentic people are on and off social media like the easier and the better like life will be, and that's why I love TikTok. Like TikTok is probably like my favorite like social media platform to date, just because, like you can laugh on TikTok, you can cry on TikTok, and like I feel like TikTok has created a space where, like people are like really vulnerable, like really in real time, like telling me what's really going on, and it's like created a space where people feel like, okay, I'm not alone in this, like I'm not the only one going through this, or like at some extent, we're all living the same life, you know.
Speaker 1:So just take a step back, take a break and like it's all about self-improvement, self-growth and just knowing yourself and knowing what you're able to allow into your life and what you're able to handle. If you can't handle it like, take a step out the kitchen a little bit, it's getting a little hot, take a little step back and then come back to it. But it should never be a place where you feel like you need to look perfect because you're not perfect. I'm not perfect, he's not perfect, she's not perfect, nobody's perfect, but God. So stop trying to be this perfect person, perfectionist patty, like it's not gonna happen, never, and you're just gonna burn yourself out by trying to get there and do that. Be yourself and there's beauty in that. There's always beauty.
Speaker 1:And, just like I said before, not everyone's going to like what you do. Not everyone's going to follow Choose Joy. Not everyone's going to love my podcast and listen, but I'm grateful for those that do. You know I'm rocking with those who rock with me and that's just that. And that's where we're going to end it. You know, rock with those who rock with you, period. Yeah, this has been fun. Have y'all enjoyed this? Because I like talking to y'all. This has been really cool, really nice experience. Obviously, I'll open up the floor for chelsea chats and you guys can send your texts, questions, comments and concerns.
Speaker 1:Choosejoycom that's choosejoycom. That's choosejoy2y'scom is our website. Our podcast is choosejoy2y's podcast on Instagram. Our Twitter or should I say X is at choosejoy2y's pod P-O-D. So follow us on Twitter. Follow us on Instagram. Visit our website, click the link to text.
Speaker 1:And since we're talking about social media, um, why does the choosejoypod only have 62 followers? Get on that. Follow the page. Get a little taste of joy. Take a break from the girls twerking on Instagram, from the boys showing they fits in cars and money and mess. Take a break from all of that Hoorah on social media and follow the Choose Joy page On Instagram. We are here for love and light. We're trying to grow our community and I know it's more than 62 people that are a part of the Choose Joy community. So show us some love. Let's get this thing going. Let's show people that joy is a choice and it's something that we must choose every day, and it's not always easy, it's hard. So let's hold each other's hands and uplift each other and advise and grow together. Okay, all right, love y'all. See y'all in the next one. Bye.