Choose Joyy Podcast
Based on the mood and habit tracking Joyyful Planner, the Choose Joyy podcast is focused on self alignment for those who struggle with anxiety. Through these unpredictable times, we’ve all experienced moments of self-doubt and uncertainty. By making a conscious effort to choose joy daily, we allow ourselves to heal and grow into the path destined for us. Join me weekly to unpack, affirm, and choose joy.
Choose Joyy Podcast
Chels Chats: The Messy Truth... When Friendships Go Sideways
Have you ever felt that unexplainable ache when a friendship slowly fades away? Or been shocked by a friend's betrayal that left you questioning everything? You're not alone.
In this candid and sometimes spicy chat, I'm diving into your raw, unfiltered messages about friendship heartaches and revelations.
This episode is all about YOU, your texts, your stories!
Whether you're grieving a lost friendship, navigating a complicated transition, or feeling lonely despite past social success, this episode offers validation and perspective. Come join our community where vulnerability meets humor, and where we're all figuring out how to find our people at every stage of life.
Don't forget to text us to be featured on the next episode of Chels Chats!
Visit www.choosejoyy.com for more
hello and welcome back, joyful babes, to a new chels chat mini-sode where you get the mic. Today I'm unpacking some of you guys's messages about our latest episode. What about your friends? And ciao, it's getting messy. Like I was not prepared for the mess, so without further ado, let's get into it. First, text girl.
Speaker 1:This episode had me in literal tears. I didn't realize how much I was grieving my old friendships until you gave language to it. Thank you for holding space for this kind of hurt, unspoken grief about friendships that ended or shifted, without the words to name what we're feeling. And you are not alone. And the tears, baby. That's a release. So thank you for letting this be your soft place to land.
Speaker 1:I had a friendship of 10 years slowly fade after I got married. No fight, no drama, just distance. I felt guilty for a long time, but this episode reminded me that sometimes life just shifts. Okay, that one right there is real. Sometimes we wait for the dramatic fallout, but the truth is some friendships just quietly slip away and it doesn't mean that there's bad blood, it just means a life we life in. So thank you for your honesty and reminding us that releasing guilt is a form of joy too.
Speaker 1:All right, next chat, let's get a little messy like. Let's get into this. I have been friends with a person for over 10 years and one night I received a voice message from her which I later found out was meant for somebody else. In the voice message she expressed that she was attracted to my man. She was discussing a dating app that she was using and said the man sent her a nude picture. Oh my god, the only news she wanted to see was of my man. When I confronted her, she had said that she had been drinking and she really didn't mean it the way I took it. She also explained the message was intended for someone else, so it was meant to be lighthearted. Needless to say, I'm no longer friends with her.
Speaker 1:Oh, messy and spicy, okay, first, first, first of all, if any friend tries to make a move on your partner, your person, that's a clear line crossed. No matter how they try to spin it, it's done, it's over. Okay, you don't have to keep giving chances to someone who shown they can't be trusted and clearly you didn't. Okay, you don't gotta even address it. Protect your peace. I try not to be shocked very often, but it really be the audacity that people have like the audacity to even think. Forget doing the fact that you thought in your head that was right, it's just anyway. You made the right decision, clearly, and you know, I appreciate you for leaving space for real friends to step in. One fake friend exiting your life makes room for genuine ones, and I think of it as god clearing out the old so you can get ready for your new season period. Okay, we have another one.
Speaker 1:My friend is feeling some type of way because me and her haven't been hanging out ever since I started getting serious with my man. It's not that I'm ignoring her, pushing her away. However, it's kind of hard to balance both either or trap. No one should be forcing you to choose between a good partner or good friends, and if they're making you pick sides, that's not love, that's control. So it's important to understand the root. They could be just feeling left out. It could be the fear of change, it could be the fear of being replaced.
Speaker 1:I would just set the record straight you're important to me, but my relationship is also our priority, and both can be true. Two different bonds can coexist, like, for some reason, we see things around us coexisting all the time, but when it comes to our life, it just seems like that's just such a major shift and isn't possible and two things can be true and two things can coexist If they can't get down with it, baby, but I gotta move on. Obviously doesn't just mean cut them cold, turkey, but depending on you know what I'm saying the nature of your relationship. However, like I said at the beginning, no one should ever make you feel like you have to choose. You know there's room, there's enough love for everybody. Okay, settle down. Oh, but also, to that point, watch out for deeper issues, because if they're consistently undermining your partner, discouraging you from nurturing the relationship or trying to guilt trip you for prioritizing your love life, this could be a sign that your friendship isn't as healthy as it should be. We all have our bout, our doubts, and we all have our um moments of, I guess, jealousy or FOMO, but sometimes that could just be the surface level expression to a deep rooted issue. And I, oh, and that's tea. Just because you have good intentions for friends doesn't mean they do.
Speaker 1:I went on a trip with my so called friends to texas and my then home girl decided she wanted to try to sleep with me. Oh, my pearls are clutched. Of course, I turned her down because both of our men are best friends and I'm not attracted to her. Okay, you could just stop right there. I mean, from that point on, in the trip, she was constantly ignoring me and saying things like I'm mean, or bullying her because I said no, we tried to be around each other later, because our men are close friends, but the vibe was so weird it was hard to even do that. So, more of the story some friends always had weird intentions with you, and it's okay to pull out a pair of scissors and cut ties. Oh, oh, my god, tell me how you really feel, though, because, like, be real with me from the jump, because I don't know what you heard from around the way, but this ain't that, never was, never will be, never gave that, you know, and let's talk about it too, because, um, okay, yeah, you said homegirl, let's talk about the double standard of that, because if the roles were reversed, you know what I'm not even about to get into, like I'm not even about to be controversial. That is crazy, like it's actually wild and insane. Um, don't do that. So y'all out here thinking about making a move on you, don't do that some. Some things just need to remain in your head, in your thought process. It's not meant for you to take action.
Speaker 1:Back to what I said in the beginning of the episode. It really just be the audacity for me, like the gumption, if you will, because what made you do that? What made you think that was okay, all right. Moving on, she used to borrow my clothes and post pics in them before I even wore them once. One day I asked for my jacket back and she said that she had lost it. I later saw it in her sister's IG story.
Speaker 1:Okay, because it really be the unprovoked lion for me. It'd be the unprovoked lion for me. And listening to some of these stories and honestly remember remembering some of my own about past friendships or of relationships that I've ended, a lot of y'all didn't get your behind beat and it shows, it really shows. A lot of y'all didn't get your behind beat and it shows Now, take that as you will. I know jump scare, jump scare, but everybody needs to get a tap, tap at least once, because it's the unprovoked lion in the audacity for me.
Speaker 1:I'm going to continue to say it, like this whole chat, because I mean, should we just name this the Minnesota, that, like the audacity of some of y'all for real a lot of y'all didn't get dragged like you were supposed to get dragged, and you know what I'm saying. Maybe life will give you the hands that I couldn't give you, because what I had a friend tell me she was staying in for the night when I had invited her out to a local concert. Then I saw, in the background of someone else's story, she was at the concert that I invited her to. Okay, we all family, we all here, and I'm a ride for y'all, I'm a ride for you, but let's just play devil's advocate Like I don't know, a lot of the times we that's messed up for one. So let me just start off by saying that that's messed up because you could have just been honest like you want to go to the concert, you just don't want to go with me, and let's talk about it also in that same breath.
Speaker 1:It's so good to have a second opinion. Um, I'm such a stickler for that whenever I fall out with a friend, I mean luckily the Lord has blessed me with three sisters off rip, so I mean including my mom, that's four women right there. Uh, however, I like have a habit of when I'm in a situation it could go either way, I always say the whole entire story. I mean, obviously you have your story, their story and the truth. However, I try to give out all details good, bad, what I did.
Speaker 1:Um, I'm not trying to sugarcoat anything, because I really want to know, like, was I wrong? Am I wrong if I do such and such? Or was I wrong when I said such and such? Or, yeah, find the flaw, let me know if I'm in the wrong. You know what I'm saying. Let me know what I did.
Speaker 1:Okay, I try to check myself. However, if I get that green light, if I get multiple green light, baby is up, pedal to the metal, it's up, it's over with petty and is that right? I'm not gonna say that it is, I'm not gonna say that it's right, but do I do it? Yes, and I mean, if you're friends with me and you're listening to this, just know, like, if I have to take it there, I will take it there. I am a work in progress, amen. Every day, the lord gives us new mercies, amen. So I am a work in progress, working to be one percent better every day, but, baby, I'm not there yet, okay, I'm not where I want to be yet and you will get this business if needed, and that's why you know what and that's why you know what and that's why, honestly, in this chapter of my life, I literally just leave Like I literally quietly dismiss myself. I'm going to try to be the bigger person as best as I can, but I'm not the big person, okay, I'm little, quite frankly, in in real life. So it is what it is. Just don't. Just don't even attempt, don't play with me, and they shouldn't have been playing with you and that's just that on that.
Speaker 1:Next, I got a friend that calls me crying over the same man every week. I told her I was exhausted and she said that I was cold and unsupportive. Sis, I'm not licensed. Sis, I'm not licensed. Yo, signed emotional dump truck. Yo, y'all are hilarious that, hello, because sometimes you know if it's just above you, it's above you, and I've had friends even my own siblings have came to me with advice. Before We've talked about a situation whatever, and I really thought this is above me. I have no advice to give. I can just give you my point of view, or what I think is. I don't know, not even what I think is best, because sometimes I just don't know not even what I think is best, because sometimes I just don't know, like you said, like I'm not licensed and I'm gonna use that. I'm not licensed. You know what this reminds me of. If you've ever seen sex in the city, then you'll get this. If you haven't, just listen.
Speaker 1:There's an episode where Carrie is just going on and on and on about Big to all of her friends and they're just like you know you need a therapist. And she's just like no, why do I need a therapist when I have you guys? Yeah, okay, we need to talk about that. Your friends are not your therapist. They can be a form of therapy but, baby, they're not licensed. Okay, we're just all out here living life. Now. Do I think that we all need our own form of therapy? Absolutely Saying that to somebody, though, can be taken offensively or hurtfully.
Speaker 1:Could be, could be, but you can always point them in the direction of god. Baby, this is bigger than me. Okay, maybe you need to journal it. Give it to god. You know what I'm saying. Pick somebody else. Pick another friend. Who else you got in the pot? Who else you got in the phone. That can, that can handle this, because I I didn't heard it before. Ok, I didn't heard it before. I think you need somebody with a fresh set of ears and a new perspective. There you go. You know what I'm saying. You just got to word it. You just got to word it. It's the way that you word things sometimes. Ok, here's another one.
Speaker 1:I started treating making new friends like dating, being open, following up and not being afraid to say, hey, I'm looking for community. It definitely works. Okay, come on, friend dating. And yes, the same way we would show intention in romantic relationships, we can and should do that in platonic ones too. So thank you for dropping this gem, because sometimes we out here just saying I'm lonely, like I have no friends. But being clear about what you're looking for is very important. So go ahead and put seeking soft community in your vibe this season. Okay, I mean, we about to get ready for fall, apple picking, pumpkin patches, all that. You don't always have to do things with a romantic partner. That's what your friends are for. So build a community.
Speaker 1:My best friend ghosted me when I went back to school in my 30s. I kept trying to hold on, but this just helped me realize that I need to release the pressure to make it make sense. Okay, that's tough. First of all, I'm so proud of you for going back to school period and second, sometimes people fall off because our growth makes them uncomfortable. You don't always get the clarity that you want, but you can choose peace, so thank you for reminding us that we don't always have to chase explanations. You can choose yourself and I'm so proud that you did okay. So graduate, baby, you graduado.
Speaker 1:And you know what I'm saying the people that are with you, with you, the people that get it, get it, and the people that don't. You know what I'm saying the people that are with you, with you, the people that get it, get it, and the people that don't leave them. It is what it is. Hello, just finished the episode and, wow, I needed this bad.
Speaker 1:I've been feeling like something was wrong with me for the longest time because I don't have a big circle anymore. In college, I feel like I was the it person, but now, because I don't have a big circle, I don't feel seen. Big circle does not mean big love. Okay, let's break down the myth all the way down. Some of the most powerful friendships come in twos and threes. You don't need a dozen people to make you feel held or whole, and I'm so glad that you feel seen here because you are, I see you, we see you, and that's exactly what I'm trying to build here a community. I want us all to find our people, find our person, find each other.
Speaker 1:Like I said, not every person is going to be your best, best, best, best friend, but it's life is about community, it's about being around people. You know what I'm saying. We were meant to communicate, we were meant to have a community, we were meant to have a village, and that village doesn't always have to look like a million people. And honestly, let's break it down even further. You may have felt that way because you were surrounded by so many people, but how many of those people that you were surrounded by were genuine, that you could count on? You know what I'm saying? It's not about quantity, it's about quality, and I know that we've heard that time and time again. But life is simple and the biggest messages in life are found in those small moments. So I, I love it, I love it, I love it. Okay, I think we can call it there. I think that was a cute little segue to call it to everyone who sent a message, a story or word of wisdom. I thank you.
Speaker 1:This minisode is proof that we are never alone in what we're feeling. Adult friendships are so complex like I almost wanted to do a part two because, um, I do have a few more. I mean, there are a lot more messages, but I really wanted, you know, I try to keep it short and cute and sweet, uh, but yeah, adult friendships are complex but they are so, so possible. I was actually surprised. I want to shout her out, but I don't know if you listening, you know, you, if you know, you know.
Speaker 1:But I really thought that, like, in coming into this chapter of a new decade of adulthood, um, I was really worried and fearful that I, the friends that I have, they're just the friends that I have. You know what I'm saying. And obviously, as life has continued to go, I've lost friends, um, I've been distanced from friends. A lot of my friends don't live where I'm at, which is sad. But yeah, I just thought that it wasn't possible to make friends in my adulthood. Not even it wasn't possible because I'm a friendly girl, you know, I'm a chatty girl.
Speaker 1:But genuine friendships, people that I can count on. I literally have. I literally have, and honestly I can say that some of the friends that I've made in my adulthood honestly trump friends that I've had for years, or I used to put a lot of weight on that. Okay, so, like some of my childhood friends going into high school, going into college, I really worked over time to try to like keep that together and force it, force those connections to stay, because I'm just like, oh, my goodness, we've been friends for 10 years, 12 years, 15 years like we have to keep it going. It's longevity, it's longevity, it's longevity and it is, but it isn't. You have to move with the ebb and flow of life. Let it go, let it flow. It is what it is. Um, keep giving yourself grace, keep seeking your people and know that I'm here cheering you on. If you need a friend, hit me up. Okay, I'm always looking for new friends, new vibes, community. So until next time, hold space for joy, even if it's quiet and as always,