Choose Joyy Podcast

Your Brain On Joy: The Oxytocin One

• Chelsea • Season 1 • Episode 26

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EPISODE 26--Your Brain on Joy but this is one where we pop some Oxytocin. What if the deepest joy isn’t loud at all, but quiet, warm, and rooted in feeling safe with yourself and others? We go all-in on oxytocin—the bonding hormone behind trust, belonging, and the calm that lets joy stay—showing why presence beats productivity when it comes to feeling connected. Instead of glorifying hustle, we slow down to explore how emotional safety fuels happiness, why proximity isn’t the same as intimacy, and how “connection” outperforms “attachment” for lasting relationships.

You’ll leave with practical, human ways to boost oxytocin: longer hugs with consent, meaningful conversations where you listen without fixing, honest eye contact, unrecorded acts of kindness, deliberate laughter, and brave, bounded vulnerability. We also share reflection prompts to locate where you feel safe, with whom you feel most like yourself, and where you could soften. If you’ve felt lonely in a crowded life, this is your invitation to trade chaos for care, urgency for presence, and quick highs for gentle joy.

If this resonated, share it with someone who “gets you,” subscribe for the series finale next week, and text us your trial-and-error stories so we can include your voice in our Chels chat wrap-up. Your presence here matters—choose connection, and choose joy.

Don't forget to text us to be featured on the next episode of Chels Chats!

Visit @choosejoyypodcast on Instagram and X for more.

SPEAKER_01

You've made it to the Choose Joy Podcast. Here we make a conscious effort to choose.

SPEAKER_00

This is your brain. This is joy. This is your brain on joy.

Dopamine And Serotonin Recap

Oxytocin Defined: Joy Through Safety

Culture Of Hustle Versus Presence

Loneliness Amid Busy Lives

Attunement Over Attachment

Self-Bonding And Self-Trust

The Risk And Reward Of Vulnerability

Practical Oxytocin Boosters

Quiet Joy And Belonging

Reflection Prompts And Community CTA

Closing: Choose Connection, Choose Joy

SPEAKER_01

Hello and welcome back to the Choose Joy Podcast. I'm your host, Chelsea, and I am so glad you're here today. So if you've been rocking with me for the past couple of weeks, you already know that we're in the middle of a very special series, something that I like to call your brain on joy. And in this series, I've been treating the four major feel-good neurotransmitters like prescription meds for the soul. Two weeks ago, we talked about dopamine, the motivation drug. That's the one that keeps us chasing goals, checking boxes, and craving rewards. Last week we talked about serotonin, and that is the mood stabilizer, okay? The one that's responsible for peace, balance, and contentment. Today we are talking about oxytocin. Now, if dopamine is all about achievement and serotonin is all about contentment, oxytocin is all about connection, and that falls perfectly with us transitioning into February pretty soon because this episode is for the lovers, okay? It's for the huggers, the deep feelers, the ones that crave community, but also feel lonely sometimes. This is for anyone who's ever said, I'm doing all the right things, so why do I still feel disconnected? You know, let's get into it. So oxytocin is often called the love hormone or the bonding chemical. And while that sounds all cute and romantic, sometimes it is. Oxytocin is actually way much deeper than that, and way deeper than just romance. Um, oxytocin is released when we feel safe, when we feel connected, seen, trusted, emotionally bonded. It's the scientific chemical behind mother and child bonding, deep friendships, romantic intimacy, trust, emotional closeness. Um, oxytocin is what tells your nervous system you're okay here. Just relax, you know? And that actually matters because joy cannot live in a body that does not feel safe. And we talked about that a little with our serotonin episode, right? And here's the thing that I really want us to sit with. We live in a culture that rewards dopamine. Grind, hustle, achieve, do more. We are also learning to value serotonin. Grind, but rest, hustle, but have a routine, achieve, but be grateful and have gratitude for where you are. Do more, but be at peace with where you're at. I know a lot of back and forth, a lot of yin and yang, but oxytocin requires a level of slowness, you can't rush connection, and you can't automate intimacy or multitask yourself into vulnerability. Oxytocin doesn't spike when you're productive, it spikes when you're present. And for some of us, that can be uncomfortable because presence requires us to be seen. Ooh, all lies on you, baby, all lies on you. But let's be real for a second. All of us are touch-starved, conversation starved, community starved between the phones, constant technology, constant need for our attention spans to just be pulled from left to right. We are overstimulated digitally and we are undernourished emotionally. And you can be surrounded by people and still lack oxytocin if you don't feel emotionally safe. You're always performing, you're never soft, or you never soften, um, or if you never let your guard down. And that's why some of us feel lonely even when our calendars are full of dates and meetings and people, because oxytocin isn't about proximity, it's about the literal connection. And going back to a previous episode about building friendships in our adulthood, this is extremely important because making friends as an adult isn't just about meeting people, it's about maintaining emotional intimacy. Your oxytocin grows when you have real conversations, you laugh together, you share struggles with others, or you feel emotionally held and listened to. You don't need to lean too hard. And while independence is beautiful, humans weren't designed to self-soothe alone forever. Joy multiplies when it's shared. Oh my gosh, I cannot say that enough. And in honor of MLK, darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. So let's talk about love for a second. Because oxytocin is also released through physical touch, eye contact, emotional vulnerability. But here's something important oxytocin thrives on emotional safety, not just physical closeness. So you can be in a relationship and still be oxytocin deprived if you don't feel heard or you don't feel respected or you don't feel emotionally safe. Connection sometimes is confused with being attached, and it's not. Connection isn't so much about being attached, it's about being attuned. Okay, and when your oxytocin is low in your relationships, you start to chase dopamine instead, excitement, chaos, inconsistency, and you just confuse in intensity with intimacy, and the two are not to be interchanged. And here's a plot twist: oxytocin isn't just about bonding with others, it's also about bonding with yourself. Hello, step out of yourself and say self. Are you safe? Self, am I keeping the promises that I made to you? Are you speaking kindly to yourself? Are you honoring your boundaries? Are you letting yourself rest and reset as many times as needed? Are you validating your own emotions? We are so quick to put that pressure and put that responsibility on others before we even take care of ourselves. We're not even doing these things for ourselves, but then turning around and expecting others to do it. Your body learns to trust you, and self-trust is a form of safety. Period. Joy becomes sustainable when your nervous system knows that you're not going to abandon yourself. Because abandonment issues sometimes start with you. You know what I'm saying? Are you the bad guy? Ask yourself now. Now let's bring it back to our theme because we are treating all of these feel-good neurotransmitters as prescription drugs, correct? So, if oxytocin was a prescription, the label might read take daily, best absorbed through connection, touch, and emotional honesty. Side effects may include softness, trust, and deeper joy. But here's the catch oxytocin requires risk, and not a lot of us like risk, me included, baby. I love feeling safe, and you're probably like Chelsea. How am I trying to search for and trying to hone for myself safe safety and the feeling of being safe, but risk at the same time? You can't feel deeply connected without being vulnerable, and that's just that on that. You can't receive love without opening your hands. That can be scary, it really can. But joy that's never shared eventually dries up. It's almost like hearing a joke, and if you never tell it, then like it's only funny to you, and like that's gonna die down because like what's the fun in that? It will be 10 times funnier when you tell that next person, and that another that next person has their own little kiki moment. Okay, so share your joy and let's get practical because we are also discussing natural ways to access all of these neurotransmitters that God has naturally gifted all of us, and here's some natural ways to boost your oxytocin. Number one, physical touch, which we've talked about this. Give somebody a hug. And I'm not talking about a church lady hug either, I'm talking about a long one. Oh my gosh, there's just a couple people in my head that I thought of that I would just have loved to have hugged more, you know? Um, so do that, just give somebody a hug today and watch how they react, especially if you're not a hugger. Uh, hand holding that always works, but don't just be holding everybody's hand, y'all. Like, relax, relax. Um, yeah, get some cuddles in today. Get some cuddles. Number two, meaningful conversation. Not just hey, bye. Put the phone down when it comes to texting and ask real questions. Listen without fixating on what you're about to say next. And also listen to people without trying to fix what they're talking about. We've talked about that, about venting and allowing people and giving people the space and the grace to just live life, you know. Everything doesn't need an answer, and everything's not a TED talk, you know. Sometimes people just need an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on, and that's it, okay. Uh, eye contact that is definitely a big one in our society today, okay? Notice someone fully today, actually give them your full undivided attention, and then see yourself being fully noticed by the opposite party. Another one, acts of kindness, and that's simply giving without expecting anything back. You're just giving, and you're helping somebody just for the sake of helping. You're not pulling out your phone, you're not recording it, you're not, you know what I'm saying? Record keeping, you're just doing it because you're human and you can, you know. Laughter, laugh, y'all. Stop taking everything so serious. It's okay to chuckle from time to time, okay? Smile, even if you gotta fake it, even if you gotta go to a mirror right now. Actually, as you're listening to this, pull out your phone, go to your camera, flip it on you, and show all 32, please. Yeah, yeah. Even if it's fake, trust me, you'll laugh at yourself just doing it. And last but not least, emotional vulnerability. Saying you're not okay, and letting somebody actually show up for you. Because saying you're not okay is a big step, but it's not the only step. Okay, admit that you can't do it all on your own, admit that you need help, yes, but then step back and actually let someone help you. Actually let somebody show up for you because sometimes that word can be negative to some. You don't want help, you don't want assistance. Fine. Well, let somebody show up, just let somebody be there, present with you, also being present in this thing called life. And listen, that doesn't mean oversharing or trauma dumping, it just means authentic connection. One thing I want to leave you with is this oxytocin joy is quiet. Now we started with dopamine because it's loud, and don't worry, we're gonna finish with something good too. But these are the quiet, the quiet pills, right? Serotonin, oxytocin, these are the quiet joy. It's not fireworks, it's not applause, it's not adrenaline, it's that calm that you feel when somebody gets you, you know. Like, have you ever just been talking with someone or talking about something, and you're just like, oh my god, like you get it. You you get me. You really understand. No further explanation needs to be done. Um, it's just like a click moment, it's that excel that you that you do when you're embraced. Um, it's the warmth of belonging, of feeling like this is where you were always supposed to be. And in a world that constantly tells us to chase the next high, oxytocin reminds us that joy can be gentle. Before we wrap up, I want you to reflect on this. Where in life do you feel emotionally safe? Where do you feel connected? And where do you need to be more soft? And maybe the question isn't how do I get more joy, but instead, who do I feel most like myself with? Next week, we will be wrapping up this series, okay? And text us. We want to know your thoughts, we want to read how much this has worked for you, or if it hasn't worked at all. Like, I need trial and error, okay? I need trial and error stories, I need proof. Um, so text us, chat us, uh following our last episode next week of the mini-series, we'll we will be doing a Chelsea chat just to wrap everything up and hear from you and get your thoughts. Um, but for today, I hope that this episode reminds you that you don't have to do joy alone. Connection is not a luxury, okay? It's a biological need. And choosing joy sometimes can feel like choosing people, and it sometimes looks like choosing people, choosing people that choose you, okay? Choosing presence, you're choosing vulnerability. So, as always, thank you for being here. Thank you for listening. Thank you for choosing to pick oxytocin, okay? As the drug of choice this week. And as always, choose joy. Duh.