Joy Is Not a Reward

What if happiness isn't something you earn? 

In this episode, we're unpacking the belief that you to struggle, suffer, or hit rock bottom before you're allowed to experience joy. Let's unlearn the myth of earned happiness and go explore what it looks like to choose JOY.

If you've ever felt guilty when life feels good--or like you're always waiting for the other shoe to drop--this one is for you.

Affirmation of the week: I do not have to suffer to deserve joy. I am allowed to experience peace, ease, and happiness now. I release the belief that struggle gives my life value. I welcome JOY without guilt, fear, or hesitation.

Don't forget to text us to be featured on the next episode of Chels Chats!

Visit @choosejoyypodcast on Instagram and X for more.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

You've made it to the Choose Joy Podcast. Here we make a conscious effort to choose joy daily. We allow ourselves to heal and grow into the path designed for us. Join me to unpack, affirm, and choose joy.

The Myth That Joy Must Be Earned

When Struggle Becomes Your Identity

Faith And The Misread Meaning Of Suffering

High-Functioning Burnout And The Grind Trap

Scripture Says Pain Is Not The Price

Final Question And Choosing Joy

SPEAKER_01 0:16

Hello and welcome back to the Choose Joy Podcast. I'm your host, Chelsea, and let's get into it. I am so glad that you guys are here today because this conversation is something I didn't realize I believed until I started to unlearn it. And this is an idea that in order to be truly happy, you have to suffer first. Like joy is something you earn, or peace is an award. Like ease comes only after you've been truly going through it enough. And I want to talk about that today because I do not believe that is true. And honestly, I think that that belief keeps a lot of us stuck. So let's start here. Somewhere along the way, we were taught that struggle equals value. No pain, no gain. You gotta grind now so you can relax later. Nothing worth having comes easy. Um and while all of that sounds motivating, it also plants this idea that if something feels easy, then it must not be real or it must not be lasting, or worse, you didn't earn it. I don't know about you, but I've definitely had moments where things were going a little too well. And instead of enjoying it, I got nervous and anxious. Like, wait, when is something gonna go wrong? Like when is it gonna break? And this is where it gets deeper. Because for a lot of us, especially if you're used to being the strong one or just struggling. Struggle isn't something that you go through, it's something that you literally identify with. You're the one that figures it out, you're the one that holds it together, you're the one that pushes through. So when life gets calm, when things feel soft, when there is no chaos to fix, it almost feels uncomfortable. Like, what am I supposed to do with this version of my life? And let's be real for a second. Some of us don't even trust peace. We've been in survival mode for so long that calm feels unfamiliar, quiet feels suspicious, ease feels temporary. So, what do we do? We start to overthink, overwork, overextend ourselves, or we just stay in the situations longer than we know we should. And it's because at least it feels familiar. Like, yeah, this might be going on. Um, yeah, this happened again, but I'm used to it. At least it feels like we know that we're navigating, or we feel like we're in control because there's something to control. And I think that's where we have to pause and ask ourselves the real question: Do I actually believe I have to struggle in order for my life to be meaningful? If you do, you might be unintentionally creating or holding on to struggle just to feel like I don't know, you're doing life right, whatever that means. And because I always want to keep it real and balanced on this platform, hard things they do shape us. Challenges definitely can build resilience and can teach us things, they stretch us and mold us into the people that we are today. They create it creates character. And in no way am I taking away from that. But I am saying that growth is not limited to pain. Everything meaningful in your life does not have to come from a place of suffering. You don't have to break down to level up. Um, and you don't have to hit rock bottom to deserve something beautiful. Like, no, started from the bottom, now we're here. And even that man didn't start from the bottom, you know? Like it's all a lie. Honestly, some things can grow from peace, from alignment, from consistency, from choosing better, not just surviving the worst. And I think a lot of us, if we're being truly honest, we struggle with that. Because if you've built your identity around being resilient and around being an overcomer and getting through it, then who are you when you don't have something to get through? When God is blessing you because every day is blessing, no matter what you may be facing, no matter what you may be going through, you have breath in your body, and that's the real blessing. When you don't have something to get through, who are you? That's a real question. Who are you when life isn't hard? When you're not in survival mode, when you're not proving how strong you are to the world, to yourself, even. And maybe that's where the real work is. Learning how to just exist without needing to struggle to validate your strength, learning to experience joy without waiting for permission for it. A lot of us are postponing happiness, saying, I'll relax when whatever. I'll be happy if fill in the blank. Or, you know, after I finish this in life, I'll enjoy. No, after the goal, after the healing, after the struggle. And life just keeps moving. Life doesn't just stop because you're struggling. You know what I'm saying? And life doesn't just forfeit all the good things just because you're going through some bad things. Like I said, life is like I always say, it's about balance. It's about a little bit of this and a little bit of that. Um, yes, struggle can help. But like it's not necessary, it's not always necessary. What if joy isn't something you unlock later? What if something that you just allow now? You know? Because everything isn't perfect, and everything is never going to be perfect, no matter how good it is. Because you've decided you're no longer going to withhold it from yourself. Now I want to gently shift the perspective a little deeper because I know for some of us, this belief doesn't just come from culture, but our belief, our faith. It also comes from how we just understand life. Ideas that get picked up along the way that say suffering first, then joy. Struggle now, then your reward comes later. And yes, life does come with challenges. And yes, there are rewards that we indeed do have to be patient and wait for. Um, because joy definitely comes in the morning, and that's real. But the idea that you need to suffer in order to qualify for joy, yeah. That's where I need to separate the truth from the interpretation because suffering is acknowledged, but it's not presented as a requirement for happiness. I just feel like we frame it that way in our own mindset. There are moments in scripture that talk about perseverance, growth, and being refined through hard seasons, but that message isn't go suffer so you can finally earn joy. It's more like when hard things happen, which they will, they won't be wasted. And that's different. It's about waiting well. There is also this bigger theme woven throughout that joy, peace, fulfillment are things that are available to us, but we have to unlock them only after we've been through enough pain. And I think that sometimes we unintentionally internalize this idea that if life feels too good, maybe it's not right, maybe it's not real, maybe it has been tested enough and tested thoroughly. What if that's not the standard? What if the standard isn't suffering, but just wholeness, fullness, wholeness, being whole? What if you don't have to prove anything through pain? You don't have to earn softness or justify feeling at ease. What if you're allowed to experience good things without questioning them, without sabotaging them, without just waiting for something to go wrong? Because the truth is, life will have its moments. Trust. Life definitely has hands. There will be challenges, there will be growth seasons, but those moments don't disqualify you from joy, they are not a prerequisite for it either. Like I said, emotions, various emotions can be felt at the same time. You can feel joy and also you can feel joyful, but you know, are you following me? You do not have to hit rock bottom to deserve a beautiful life. I refuse to believe that. You do not have to suffer deeply to experience happiness, you don't have to go through more to finally be at peace. You don't have to be hurt to experience love. I do not believe that. And maybe, just maybe, the real shift, the real growth isn't proving how much you can endure. It's learning to how to receive, how to receive peace, how to receive ease, how to receive joy. So many people I oh, I just I want to be happy. If I if I get this, I'll be I'll be happy. If I get this, I'll experience what I really no joy is in him, joy is in you. You have to be ready to receive it, baby. I mean, you hungry, you hungry. Where you play that? Where you play that? Because I'm gonna leave you with this. Do you trust ease or do you only trust the struggle? And what would your life look like if you stop believing that happiness is something that you have to earn? Because how tired is that? That's so tiring that you have to do all of these things just to get what a couple minutes of just pure joy? Absolutely not, absolutely not, because all it is is just high functioning burnout. That's all it is. You're just a high functioning addict who's addicted to struggle, basically, because we've done such a great job, ladies and gentlemen, of romanticizing the come-up struggle. You know what I mean? I'm I've been grinding, I made it out of dirt. Like, okay, and I didn't. And I'd rather not. And I'd rather my kids not, and I'd rather my grandchildren not, and I'm I'd rather my friends not, and my siblings not, my parents not. I'd rather not glamorize burnout. I'd rather not glorify bonding over hardship as an identity. Because somewhere along the way, we started believing that joy is the dessert and suffering is the main course, and absolutely not, absolutely not. And it just feels natural to some of us to just be the one that's handling it and just being the one, it just becomes familiar and even comfortable. And the real reason where you're uncomfortable isn't because, oh, you're you're no, it's because you're uncomfortable with feeling peace. That's what you feel. Ain't nothing wrong with you. What's wrong with your heart? Ain't nothing wrong with you. You're just not comfortable being comfortable. And sometimes, like I said, yin and yang, sometimes there comes a time where being comfortable ain't it. Baby, we gotta grind, we gotta, but sometimes just sit down. Like it's okay. It's okay. Balance takes, yes, hard things can shape us, but and yes, challenges can build resistance, but no, growth doesn't only come from pain, and you don't have to break down to level up. And one more thing, I do want to touch on that a little further, the biblical part of it, because I know a lot of us with our backgrounds, or some of us with um the backgrounds that we may have really culturally think that that is a prerequisite for joy. But like, for example, suffering produces perseverance, or in this world you will have trouble, this, that, and the third. And those verses aren't saying you must suffer in order to qualify for happiness. They're saying when suffering happens, it won't be wasted. That's very different. People often use Jesus as proof that suffering precedes glory. And yes, the cross definitely comes before resurrection. But the cross wasn't about earning joy, it was about redemption. And joy isn't a reward for pain, it was always a part of God's design. So it's funny to me when you know you you might be struggling and you've maybe heard somebody say, God is teaching you something, or this season of hardship is preparing you, and you you you haven't been through enough yet. Now, while growth can come from trials, the Bible doesn't teach that pain is a prerequisite for joy. Joy is commanded and offered, not withheld after devastation. Rejoice in the Lord always, and again, I say, rejoice. It's not about suffering enough and then you earn happiness. It's about in a broken world like the one that we are in now. Yo, the world is on fire. Suffering is happening, but God is still present in it, and joy is still available to you. Joy in scripture is less about emotional euphoria and more about a deep-rooted peace and trust. Joy is not naive, it is anchored hope. Period. So, again, if you stop believing that happiness is something you have to earn, what would your life look like? Thank you for spending time with me. You do not have to suffer to choose joy. So choose joy.