Main Character or Just Selfish?

Episode 30: Self-love is healthy. Self-centeredness is not. In this episode of Choose Joyy, we're talking about the rise of "main character energy," when confidence becomes entitlement, and how to truly put yourself first without losing empathy, accountability, or connection. 

If you’re ready for a mindset reset that protects your peace without protecting your ego, press play. Share this with a friend, and leave a review with what you’re working on right now helloooooo SEND A TEXT

Don't forget to text us to be featured on the next episode of Chels Chats!

Visit @choosejoyypodcast on Instagram and X for more.

Transcript

Choose Joy And Today’s Theme

SPEAKER_01 0:01

You've made it to the Choose Joy Podcast. Here we make a conscious effort to choose joy daily. We allow ourselves to heal and grow into the path designed for us. Join me to unpack, affirm, and choose joy.

SPEAKER_00 0:16

Hello and welcome back to the Choose Joy Podcast. I'm your host, Chelsea, and today we're talking about something that is everywhere right now. Main character energy. Now, don't get me wrong, I definitely understand why this idea has become so popular. Because for a lot of people, um, especially women, who have spent years shrinking themselves, people pleasing, over giving, over-explaining, and just putting everybody first, hearing be the main character of your life feels freeing, it feels powerful, it feels like permission, permission to matter, permission to choose yourself, permission to stop living in survival mode. And honestly, people needed to hear that message. Many people needed that.

When Empowerment Turns Self Centered

SPEAKER_00 1:10

I at times needed to hear that, but like many things, once social media gets its hands on it, it can be distorted and distorted very quickly. Because somewhere along the way, the main character turned into the world revolves around me. Nobody owes anyone anything. If it inconveniences me, I'm out. Um, if I don't feel like communicating, I'll ghost. Um, when somebody disagrees with me, they're toxic, you know. And if you're uncomfortable, you feel disrespected. And now we have this generation confusing self-love with self-absorption, just being selfish. Like, are you the main character or are you just selfish? And I oh so today I just want to talk about the difference between healthy self-prioritizing and unhealthy main character syndrome. Because yes, you should matter in your own life, but no, you're not the only person that matters. Okay, now this is obviously not a clinical diagnosis. Okay, we're talking cultural. Main character syndrome is when someone moves through life as if everyone else is their supporting cast member in their story. People become props, relationships become transactional, and empathy becomes optional. And honestly, that can look like bringing conversations back to yourself all the time, only reaching out when you need something, um, expecting grace from people but never giving it, cutting people off instead of healthy communication, thinking boundaries means um never being inconvenienced, and believing that confidence never means apologizing. One of the sneakiest forms is romanticizing your life online while neglecting your real life offline. Hello. Who said that? Who said that? Because posting healing quotes and avoiding therapy, posting soft life content while ignoring your bills, you you post and protecting my peace, but you causing chaos for everybody, okay? Aesthetics can hide dysfunction, and if we're honest, social media rewards performance more than actual growth.

Why Main Character Thinking Grows

SPEAKER_00 3:40

And before we judge people too hard, let's talk about why is this mindset growing? I think a lot of people are coming out of seasons where they've felt unseen, unheard, abandoned, betrayed, overlooked. And people spent years being the side character in someone else's life. Like, think about it. Like for many of us, we work a job that for someone else, you know what I'm saying? We were taking care of someone else. Um, we're pouring into other people's projects or things and neglecting yourself, right? When you finally decide to choose yourself, sometimes it can swing a little too far in the opposite direction, okay? Because sometimes selfishness is just woundedness in a cute outfit. Honestly, arrogance is really insecurity with better lighting, and sometimes I don't need nobody, I don't need anybody, is I'm scared to need anybody. Let's speak truth into each other and show what real life looks like instead of something performance-based all the time. Because in this generation, hyper-independence is praised. Needing people looks weak. When you slow down, you're lazy. Compromise, you're losing. You know what I'm saying? Self-softness is risky, and people armor up. We armor up, we become untouchable, unavailable, emotionally expensive. And here's the truth: being impossible to love is not a power. Being disconnected is not peace, baby. And being admired is not the same as being fulfilled. So let's flip it.

Healthy Self Priority With Maturity

SPEAKER_00 5:50

Because I'm not here to tell you to abandon yourself or never be the main character. I'm here to tell you that there is a healthier version of this. Healthy main character energy says that we are matter deeply. We matter deeply, and so do others. We can prioritize ourselves without devaluing anyone else. You can have standards without acting superior, and you can love your solitude without pretending that you don't need a community. I can choose me without disrespecting you. That is what emotional maturity looks like. And believe me, I am not preaching to Noqua, I'm not preaching at all. I am, as I always say, I am talking to myself mostly what I need to work on or what I am working on, or things that I have changed, and I am cheering them. If it works for you, great. If it doesn't, keep it rolling. But there are healthier ways to do things. Resting when you need rest, saying no without guilt. We've talked about different ways to like set boundaries for yourself and to take yourself seriously. Take yourself seriously. Have the time, it's not because we can't do something, it's because we've already set in our minds that we can't. It's a mindset thing. So take yourself seriously. Keep the promises that you made to yourself and heal patterns that not only hurt you, but are hurting others. That is real growth. It's not just saying that you're the prize, it's literally becoming a person of substance. Anyone can post confidence, but not everybody can practice accountability. And anyone can tell you, know your worth. It was a podcast episode um on this platform about knowing your worth, treating yourself like a business. However, not everyone can regulate their emotions, apologize sincerely, communicate honesty, show consistency. That's something that I've really been trying hard to do. And y'all, it's hard. Like, I'm really trying to regulate my emotions because if you know me, you know, baby, it can be a wild ride, and not everybody wants to be on a roller coaster. Like, nobody wants to live that way. I don't want to live that way, okay? I don't want to be, you know, uh at six flags. Okay, I want to be at the beach, I want to be calm. So that is the deeper work. And while Instagram and TikTok and and all while it's nice, like show me the real you. I want to see your fence. What's the real you? You know what I'm saying? Not the facade that you try to put on for your said audience.

Remember Everyone Carries Something

SPEAKER_00 8:41

And one thing I think we all need to remember everyone you pass has a life just as complex as yours. I think about that when I'm like in traffic, like everybody in these cars are going home to something totally different. Like, totally different. Everyone has fears, dreams, heartbreaks, bills, responsibilities, healing, private battles that you will never know about. The cashier that's helping you, the friend that took too long to text back, um, your coworker who seems that they're distant, uh, stranger that's driving too slow. Everybody is carrying something. And when we remember that, that is when empathy returns. Because I always say we need to bring back shame, and we do, we do need to bring back public shame for sure, but we need to bring back empathy first and foremost. Main character syndrome says, How is this affecting me? Wisdom asks, what might they be carrying to? You know what I'm saying? What's in your hands that you can't open the door for me in a psychological sense? Um, and that shift alone can change a lot of our relationships because some people just don't need any more self-focus. Baby, all the focus is you. That's all you see in baby, tunnel

Signs It Might Be Ego

SPEAKER_00 10:07

vision. So let's do a quick check-in. If every disagreement feels like disrespect, if every inconvenience feels personal, if everyone in your past is labeled toxic, or if accountability always feels like an attack, or if your relationships keep ending the same way, I have bullet points, y'all. Um, loneliness is growing while your pride is also growing. You may not be protecting your peace, you may be protecting your ego, and that's a hard truth, and it can be a hard pill to swallow. But choose joy is is about truth and growth. It's not always about choosing what we think joy looks like, it's about real healing and looking in the mirror and addressing some of those flaws. Okay, so I wrote down um some bullets uh ways that we can reclaim the phrase in a healthy way. Be the main character by taking responsibility for your healing, be the main character by choosing discipline over excuses, be the main character by speaking kindly to yourself, be the main character by pursuing your goals even when no one claps. Be the main character by setting standards and also being a standard, be the main character by loving people and loving people well, be the main character by becoming whole, not just impressive. This is energy that nobody can fake it. This is not fool's goal, this is the real deal. I think all of us have had moments where we centered ourselves too much, all of us have had moments where we've abandoned ourselves too much, and the goal here is balance. Balance, balance, balance is what I'm preaching to myself. Because too much of anything is not a good thing.

Reclaim Balance For Each Season

SPEAKER_00 12:22

Shout out to Lee. This goal is to be balanced, not self-absorbed, not self-obsession, balance. Some seasons require more boundaries than others, some require more softness or more solitude, while some may require community. Wisdom is knowing which season you're in and what to do. Just like fruits, just like plants. They don't, you're not supposed to eat strawberries year-round, y'all. So, same with the seasons in your personal life. Like, each season requires some there's a time for everything. Ecclesiastes, read it. There's a time for e everything. There's a season for everything. So if no one told you lately, you do deserve to be important in your own life. Yes, your needs matter, your dreams matter, your healing matters. But the biggest but humility matters too. Empathy matters also, character and community also matter. You are the main character of your life, but you are not the only character in the world. In that perspective, that's where true joy lives. Okay, so that's all

Final Reminder And Share Request

SPEAKER_00 13:53

that's it. That's all for today. Thank you for tuning in to choose joy. If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone, post it to your story, let me know your thoughts, um, comment, a movie clip emoji. Once you've listened, yeah, you're the main character of your life, but you're not the only character in the world. So choose you, choose others, and choose joy.