Chels Chats 101: Stop Saying That.

We’re back with Chels Chats and we’re reading through the phrases you told us you cannot stand, then pulling apart what they really communicate when feelings are high and the stakes are real. 

If you love raw, unfiltered conversations about communication, relationships, and the phrases that push our buttons, press play and join the chat. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs to hear it, and leave a review with the phrase you want to retire next. "STOP SAYING THAT..." lol and choose joyy!!

Transcript

Welcome Back To Chelsea Chats

SPEAKER_00 0:09

Hello, and welcome back, joyful babes, to a segment of Chelsea Chats. We haven't had a chat in a minute. Come on in the room, come on in the space, get cozy, get comfortable. I have my little drink here. I am chilling. And yeah, let's get into it. This is an opportunity to share your thoughts, share your opinions, and whatever is on your heart and mind, and whatever you want to chat about because baby, I can gab. Okay, I can talk. And yeah, so let's get into it.

“It’s Not That Deep” And Dismissal

SPEAKER_00 0:52

This is just gonna be today's topic, is just gonna be a continuation of our last episode, which was your truth isn't the truth. And I asked you all to just give me phrases or comments um that are popular today or heavily used that actually truly annoy you, and you guys did not disappoint. You never disappoint. So let's get into it, shall we? Okay, the first one is it's not that deep. Ooh, yes, this is a good one because I would think out of all the responses, this is probably one of the most controversial, or maybe I won't even say that yet. But this sometimes things genuinely aren't that deep, but sometimes this is a phrase to use to avoid acknowledging people's feelings. Um, and there's a difference between like, okay, you're overthinking this, and I understand why that bothered you, but I don't think it's as serious as you think it is. So I feel like there's ways to form that, but I hate when I I I I can I can agree with this. I can agree with this statement because sometimes it is that deep, and maybe it's not that deep to you, but it's that deep to me. Okay, so yeah, it definitely gives like dismissive, and I think it's more of a way to shut down conversations um instead of having it, you know. So I don't know. Have y'all ever used that? It's not that deep just because you didn't want to deal with the depth of the conversation because that's honestly what it gives me. Okay.

Buzzwords Like Overstimulated And Narcissist

SPEAKER_00 2:46

This next one is okay. I don't know if if this is a little jab or not. I'm not gonna take it that way because I'm not, I'm I don't receive it. But the next one says, anything with babes. Okay, now y'all know I call y'all joyful babes. What what y'all want to be called? What what what what y'all want to be called? Drop it in the chat, drop it in the comments. However, I know you didn't mean that towards me, or maybe you did, I don't know, but I definitely get what you're saying. Um, I think it's more of a tone, like, oh, I hear you, babes, or I don't know. I think it can feel passive aggressive and turn a normal statement into something that feels condescending, and it's kind of like a digital version of smiling while somebody's still throwing a little jab, you know. So, so yeah, I don't really know what you meant by that, but that's what I'm gonna take it as, and we're gonna we're gonna keep it pushing. We're gonna um we're gonna uh we're gonna keep it pushing. I'm overstimulated. Okay, well, okay, this is okay, this is 50-50. Someone saying I'm stimulated can be really real, y'all. Like, I get overstimulated. All of us have points where we be getting overstimulated. But I think a lot of there are a lot of buzzwords going around, and a lot of you guys did message with a lot of buzzwords. That one is a buzzword. Because I feel like as a society, we take one word or one phrase and we run with that, run with it without really breaking down the meaning of that. For example, um, narcissist. Now, everyone that does something that you don't like, the person can just be mean, the person can just be a jerk. And there's a difference between just being a jerk and being a narcissist. You know, I really think that we need to start breaking down the definition of certain words before we just throw that in in like out there in the universe. Um, empath is another one. Um, what else? I don't know. Like, it's like these self-proclaimed like titles that we want to put on people, and the word just becomes popular, and we just throw it in, we just sprinkle it in like embetty, and I just don't so I definitely see

“Calm Down” And Fake Softness

SPEAKER_00 5:20

what you could be trying to say there. So, yes, calm down. Ooh, yeah, this one bothers people because it's usually said to someone who's already emotional, and very rarely does that ever help someone actually calm down. Okay, like please don't come in here saying the obvious. You see, I'm already close to throwing blows, and you over here talking about calm down, baby, and now I'm about to turn all the way up. So I definitely see how that can be a trigger. Stop telling people to calm down, stop stop telling people what to do. Actually, let's just start there. Stop telling people what to do, okay? Period. No offense, but mmm, dot dot dot dot dot. Yes, yes, yes, because offense is almost always coming when someone starts a sentence with that, or whenever somebody like I'm not trying to be mean, but or um don't take this the wrong way, but okay, because if you have to preface what you're about to say to somebody when you're saying it, I think that you should just stop and think about like the fullness of just think before you speak. Just think before you speak. I was trying to word it a certain way, but just think before you speak because nine times out of ten, you are being offensive. I'm not trying to be rude, but you are being rude. You you're whatever you're about to say after that, you are being rude, and you're just putting that in there as a buffer before you just unleash whatever you want to say. Yes, I definitely agree with that one as well.

Comfort Phrases That Minimize Pain

SPEAKER_00 7:17

Everything happens for a reason. Okay. Um, this one is a comforting phrase, or I guess it has the intention of being comforting, but I can see how this could be dismissive or it could feel dismissive when someone's already hurting. So yeah, uh, I'm kind of 50-50 on that one. Okay. Um, okay, let's see. At least dot dot dot. Okay. Okay, I can see how this at least, okay. So, like, for example, like at least you have a job, or at least it wasn't worse. Okay, I can see that. That one kind of goes hand in hand with the everything happens for a reason. It it can be comforting, but it can also be dismissive. Um, and comparison can actually minimize someone's experience, so you gotta be kind of on the lookout. I know that we like to play therapists with our friends, vice versa, but it is very important to be conscientious of what you're saying to a person that might be going through a time, okay? All right, next. I'm just being honest. Okay, um, okay, I can see this one as well because there's a difference between honesty and just being cruel. And again, I also feel like this goes hand in hand with the I'm not blah blah blah blah insert phrase, but um, yeah, I feel like that goes hand in hand with that because it's literally just giving you the buffer and the opportunity to be a little bit harsh or cruel and not have like any re repercussions behind it or any qu consequences to what you're saying. Because I mean, hello, I'm just being honest, like I'm just no, but is it kind? Because

Honesty Versus Cruelty

SPEAKER_00 9:18

you can be kind and honest, the two can coexist, and yeah, so okay, I I definitely I definitely can see that. Let's let's get into some more. You do you. Ooh, this is kind of a sneaky one because it could mean like you do you, like I support you, or it could be like I think this is a terrible idea, but that's not my problem. Okay, I'm not taking that one out of my vocab index chords, but you do you. I definitely see that is that definitely, and a lot of these, I feel like tone plays a real role in these. Because let's go back to the babes one, okay. I feel like it's about tone as well, because somebody could say something and genuinely actually like mean what they say, and it's not just tone, I feel like it's um the level of understanding with the person that you're communicating with because we talked about that in a previous episode too, where like, yeah, communication is key, but not really, it's really understanding that opens up that door because you can communicate all day, but like, is it healthy communication? Is the other person receiving what you're saying in the way that you wanted it delivered? That's very important. It is what it is. Oh baby, I love this one because it is what it is, and at the end of the day, the day gonna end, like, um, and this could be healthy, I feel like, because honestly, you can't change what happened, so you just accept it and move forward and figure it out, but it also could be unhealthy. I

Tone Changes “You Do You”

SPEAKER_00 11:09

do see how that could be unhealthy because it could be avoidance. I don't want to process this, so I'm avoiding it. It just is what it is, like whatever. I get that, and whatever was another one, too, saying whatever. It is a tiny word with a huge attitude, okay? Because is it actually acceptance or are you emotionally shutting down? Because, like, what you mean, whatever? Like, huh? But okay, I get it, I get it. Good for you. Okay, again, tone changes everything. I've been loving this little uh social media trend where they put a phrase and you have to say it in different tones, because tone definitely does change everything. You could definitely say, like, good for you, that's so good, and actually mean it and be like, oh, good for you. You know what I'm saying? Like, I don't know. I feel like a lot of these are tone. It is tone or how it comes across in the conversation. The another one that kind of goes hand in hand is must be nice. Um, because is it admiration or is it jealousy? Is it resentment disguised as humor? Like, what what's nice, you know? And y'all can't, y'all can't take my opinion because you know what I'm saying? Any little shift in tone, I'm raising eyebrows, looking over the glasses. Because what you mean by that? What you mean? Like, hmm? Okay. I'm just saying, okay, I'm just saying, I'm just saying. I feel like that one is similar to I'm just being honest. You're kind of just like glossing over whatever you said to make it, I don't know, to make it palatable. Okay. Respectfully. Respectfully, you're wrong. Respectfully, that outfit, yeah. Respectfully, I'm being disrespectful. Um, yeah, almost never do I feel like respect comes after this point, to be honest. Every time I've heard it, at least, y'all can drop in the chat um where you feel like this has been used good,

“Whatever” And Emotional Shutdown

SPEAKER_00 13:30

but I just feel like nah, no, respectfully, whenever respectfully, oh no, baby, you better get real disrespectful. Okay, and with all due respect, with all due respect, like, yeah, that definitely, that's definitely a formal cousin of respectfully, because it's usually followed by something very disrespectful. Okay, this is for my country people out here. Bless your heart. Now, this one is good. Bless your heart, because depending on where you're from, this could be genuine kindness, but usually it's just a polite insult. I mean, I'm a southern girl from the south, and usually when if anybody from the south says bless your heart or couldn't be me, couldn't be me. Oh, baby, this is not a term of endearment. You are very much very you very much need to relook and reassess your your situation. They definitely don't want to be you. Yeah, yeah. That's just how I am. Ooh, okay, some of these are good. Um, honestly, this is lack of accountability. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, it's lack of accountability because usually when somebody is responding to that, it's usually a response of somebody saying something about, I don't know, something that you could actually change. You know what I'm saying? Well, that's just how I am.

Respectfully And Bless Your Heart

SPEAKER_00 15:08

That's just okay, so is this refusal to grow? Are you refusing to grow? Are you refusing to expand to learn? Yeah, that's kind of what that gives. I'm not arguing, I'm explaining. Um, I have used this and and probably will use it again because um if you know me personally or any of my family members, I don't know. A simple conversation can sound like if you overheard conversations of ours, you would think that we're arguing, but we're really just explaining. Like some people are really just passionate. But again, sometimes I do see, sometimes I do see that we don't realize that you actually may be arguing just because you're focused on proving your point. So I definitely, I definitely see that. Whatever makes you happy. Oh, okay, that that is like the sister cousin to just whatever. Because it could be genuine encouragement, you know, you always gotta look at the yin and the yang, good and bad, but it it it's most often than not passive aggressive dismissal. Like whatever, just get out of my face. Whatever makes you happy, like just do what you do. I don't care. You always dot dot dot slash you never dot dot. Oh, these are some relationship killers. You always do this, you never listen. You you always yeah, I I do that very often, and it's a work in progress. I am really trying to teach myself how to stop doing that because it literally one shuts down conversations, and two, like, no, because then it's like it kind of like traps the other person. Like, how can you argue with that? And then, like, the conversation can just take a whole nother turn. Because, like, does that always happen, or is that what you choose to always observe observe, you know? So I also need to stop doing that because like, no, um, oftentimes you can a lot of the times I feel I don't know. I'm trying to I'm trying to think of other phrases to use um instead of that one. But yes, um, I'm trying to stay away from the you always or you never. Uh that's yeah, that it's not good. Because I mean it doesn't feel good for other people to like for you to hear that. So I feel like you shouldn't say it, you know. So I definitely agree with that. Oh, energy. Oh my god, yes, everything, everybody is talking about energy,

Accountability And “That’s Just How I Am”

SPEAKER_00 17:57

like, oh, the energy is off, the vibes, the vibes, the vibes, and the energy and the universe and all this. Like, please, y'all, enough, enough, enough with it. I I am that is kind of getting on my nerves. Because are you being intuitive? Are you just like avoiding explaining what you feel? Like, just say what it is, like, oh, the energy's off. Is the energy off, or is that girl in the room somebody that you just don't like? Like, just let's just call spade a spade. Enough, enough. Toxic. Oh, okay. This could be a whole episode on its own because I feel like everything is labeled toxic now. You got toxic friends, toxic relationships, toxic, toxic waste. Like, do we all need to be wearing hazmat suits? Yeah, um, everything is not toxic. We need to really, are you really identifying unhealthy patterns? Are you just using labels to avoid accountability? Because all of it seems like that. Like all these labels that we like to put on people now, and we try to make them sound more health conscious and palatable. It's just not like I don't, I'm genuinely good on that phrase. Um, somebody else said universe, yes. Like a lot of these are making me like chuckle. Because, yes, like can we stop replacing God with the universe? Can we just stop doing that? Like, just stop, okay? I know I got some of y'all squirming in your seat, but it is what it is. Like, stop using the universe as an interchange word for God, it's not the same. Two, the two, no, God is the creator of the universe, and that's it, and that's done, and then we're done. We're setting the phone off and we're done with that. And I oh and we're gonna close off with that. Um, that was a good one. I like these. I definitely want to do more Chelsea chats. I'm really thinking of like rolling out something new.

“You Always” And Other Relationship Killers

SPEAKER_00 20:14

I'm cooking, I'm cooking. I know these have come out kind of sporadically because I'm cooking, y'all. Like I'm really cooking, I'm really trying to figure out the best way to kind of grow this community and make it like more interactive. I love the chat room, I love the chats. Um, but I kind of want to like lean towards more like events. I want to see, I want to put, you know what I'm saying, chats to faces, okay? Listeners, views, whatever. I want to put this number to faces. I want to get everybody together. I want to do something. So I'm cooking up something great. In the meantime, please text us. The number is the link to the number is in the bio, choose joy podcast on Instagram, on Twitter. Well, X, I'm still calling it Twitter, y'all. I'm sorry. Like, I'm sorry. That's just my generation. Yeah, I love these. I love hearing your opinions. I love getting down to the nitty-gritty and like talking about those uncomfortable things that we don't always like to discuss or we like to be cookie-cutter about and really get raw and detailed. You know what I'm saying? Raw and unfiltered, uncut, baby. Yeah. So I've loved this again. If you like these, please continue to send in your good, bad, the ugly, the nitty-gritty. And yeah, keep chatting and of course, choose joy. Duh.