38 | You Don't Have to Do it Alone: Why Community is Vital to Your Emotional Health

In this episode, I dive deep into the vital role that community plays in our emotional well-being, particularly for highly sensitive and introverted women like us.

Looking for a community? Join the Journal Your Feelings support group:  https://latoyaedwards.net/community

Drawing from my personal journey in 2024, I share how I moved from a place of isolation to building meaningful friendships and connections after a decade of loneliness.

I explore why community is biblically essential, how it helps share emotional burdens, and practical ways to build supportive relationships despite the challenges of trust issues, fear of vulnerability, and feeling like a burden.

Whether you're struggling to find your place or hesitant to reach out, I offer gentle encouragement and practical steps to help you embrace community without overwhelming yourself.

Episode: How to Forgive When Someone Hurts You 

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Today, we're going to talk about the critical role, the important role that community plays in your emotional well-being, right, and how seeking support is so key to healing your emotions, identifying your emotions, processing your emotions and building emotional resilience and all the things that we talk about around here. All right, so community is definitely a recurring theme in scripture, right? It's how God designed us right to be in community. It's super important for highly sensitive and introverted women to have a sense of community, especially given how emotionally overwhelmed we can be and our tendency to want to isolate, because, you know, god never wanted us to be alone, and it's been a big theme in my life and my journey for 2024. So I'm going to share more about that journey today. Are you looking to manage your emotions and calm your mind so that you don't feel overwhelmed by all the hard times going on right now? Would you like to find true rest and peace in God and a little joy in your weariness? What about understanding why you feel things so deeply, especially when you're stressed? If so, you're in the right place.

Speaker 1: 1:12

Welcome to the Peace-Filled Mind podcast, your go-to resource for practical tips, real talk and encouragement. I'm your host, latoya Edwards, life and mindset coach and, most of all, a woman who's walked through pain and suffering just like you. No matter what you're currently facing in life or how you've dealt with things in the past, I'm here to help you find peace, joy and hope again. Pop in those earbuds and let's get to it. Community is a biblical principle right, fellowship is not optional for believers. Right, the church is meant to be a community. We're meant to support each other, to be there for each other. But community can be really, really hard, especially when you are highly sensitive and introverted, when you're walking through hard times, when you feel like you don't fit in, like there's all kinds of things that can get in the way of community. So I shared before in the intro right, that community has been a big theme in my life this year and I didn't go into it expecting that, like I didn't think I'm going to focus on community this year. I really went into this year feeling a little tired and exhausted because last year was so hard right, because 2023 was so hard for me. I shared more about that on the podcast but it was really really, really, really, really hard and I ended the year in a better place, but it was still hard and I was feeling really raw. And so when I went into this year, I was trying to figure out like what next, lord? Like what? Like what am I supposed to do now that I've completely deconstructed my faith and rebuilt all these things and got through this really really hard time and started healing and I'm in a better place? Like what now? And I thought surely what he wanted was for me to like, be closer to God, right, grow my faith, focus on all those things. And he did, of course, because he does. But I had no idea what that looked like.

Speaker 1: 3:09

I was at a point where I was tired of like the normal things, like I did not want to hear quiet time or devotions, I don't want to do another group study or Bible study, I wasn't interested in doing a group or a class at my church, like I was just like like none of this stuff is feeding my soul. I don't want to do it anymore. I just felt really really empty, really shallow, like nothing. And now, listen, I'm not saying that if that's what you're doing, that you're doing anything wrong. I'm talking about me here. Okay, we're all on our own journeys, but I got to a place where I wanted to go deep. I wanted more of God and the things that I would normally do. They were not sufficient anymore. Maybe one day I will talk more in depth about that journey, because boy has it been a journey. But a big piece of that was community, and I was not prepared for that. I was not prepared for the way that I would be drawn to community, to want and desire community, and the way that I would be able to show up for a community and for my community to show up for me. So, yeah, it was a pleasant surprise and it was one that I uncovered in spiritual direction that I started doing this year as well.

Speaker 1: 4:28

So, yeah, community has been, and relationships have been, a big thing. Like I really was, like you know, like I really want to have a best friend. I have a best friend. She's awesome, I love her. If you're listening, sandy, I love you, right. But I have best friend right, I have good friends. I have a group of friends, a group of women that I love, that I talk to, that I am inviting into my life. They've invited me into their life. We get together, we share, we laugh, all these things. It's amazing, it's wonderful, it's something that I have not had in like a decade. Okay, it's been 10 years since I have had solid friendships and the end of those pre friendships.

Speaker 1: 5:07

It was so traumatic, it was so devastating that I honestly didn't think that I was ever going to open myself up to that again. And like now I look around I'm like no, like I've got all these girls that I love, right, that I would do anything for, that are always there for me. It's great, right, my kids are building friendships and building relationships, right, I've like started dating and like meeting new people and having new experiences. Don't get excited, y'all Like it's nothing serious, but, yeah, like I've had all of this interaction with other people and building new relationships in the community. It's been great.

Speaker 1: 5:37

It's been exhausting, okay, like I said, like I had some friends that went through some really really hard times this year, like unexpected, really really hard times this year, like unexpected super hard, and I it was such a privilege for me to show up for them and like the way that I could write, to be there to encourage, to pray, you know, to be some kind of support, some sort of comfort for them. It was awesome. It was exhausting, but it was awesome, Right. And then you know, really having people come into my life and like actually opening up and like pulling back the curtain and revealing you know stuff, because I usually don't reveal anything, right, but just opening up and being vulnerable and having community show up for me in all kinds of amazing ways, it's been awesome and I'm so excited that I like leaned into that. It's been such a blessing and I'm excited to continue to lean in that and continue to more of that.

Speaker 1: 6:28

So why am I sharing all of that? Because, right, community is important. Right, it's necessary. We don't want to isolate ourselves and, as highly sensitive, introverted women, it's easy to do that. Because I'm going to tell you, there were times when my community was like, hey, we need you, and I was like I think I'll pass, right, that's what I wanted to say. I was like I don't want to be out, I don't want to be open, I don't want to be vulnerable, I don't want to show up, I wanted to isolate because I was overwhelmed, right, all of their stuff, it was a lot right. But I leaned into it and I'm so glad that I did because, right, I have been so lonely for like a decade and I didn't realize it. And, plus, you're not leaning into community. Okay, we're not going to cry, we're not going to cry on the podcast, but I've been so lonely for so long and I didn't really feel the sting of that until I started opening myself up to those relationships and those friendships and it's been wonderful. It's been beautiful and, yeah, like I would have missed out on so much, so much richness.

Speaker 1: 7:33

Right, so the Bible tells us to be in community. Right, we got that cord of three strands is not easily broken and ecclesiastics people like to use at weddings. Right, we have the model and acts right, where the church is doing life together. We got all of the one another's in the Bible. Right, we even have the example of the Trinity Father, son, holy Spirit. Right, that we are meant to be in community and fellowship with one another. Right, god calls us into that and isolation is actually against God's design.

Speaker 1: 8:01

Right, and so when we are isolated, right, we begin to have like emotional struggles, mental struggles, all these things and, yes, sometimes our community can be the source of those, but we're not going there today. Right, even Jesus valued community. Right, he had his 12 dudes right, his disciples that followed him while he was doing ministry here on earth, right, and yes, do we see Jesus go off alone for solitude, to rest and recharge? Yep, but he always came back to community and we can take like a lesson from that. And I'm not saying that Jesus was introverted or highly sensitive. Okay, we're not going there either, right. But even when we need to be away and we need time away, it's always better to come back into community, all right.

Speaker 1: 8:41

So what is the role of community when it comes to our emotional well-being? Right? So the number one thing is that being in community is going to help share the emotional burden. Okay, when you're feeling overwhelmed, when you're feeling stuck, right. When you are deep in the pits, right, you're going to have somebody around who's going to come down and be like, hey, can I pull you out of this pit? Or they're going to come down and get in the pit with you and be there with you. Okay, that's so important. They can offer perspective, they can offer encouragement, they can offer their compassion and sympathy and empathy, right, they can, like, do tangible things, like bring you food, because you're not in a place where you can feed yourself. They can come take your kids so that you can have a moment of peace and quiet, right, they can be like my best friend and drag me out to go do all these new and crazy things that I wouldn't normally do, because I need to have a life and I need to go out and do things.

Speaker 1: 9:31

Having that trusted group allows you to express your emotions safely. You have a safe place, safe people to open up and process things and share that with, instead of bottling it up and trying to white knuckle your way through it all by yourself. We see the same thing for our faith. Community offers spiritual growth. We have accountability. We have prayer partners. We have chances to study the word together, Like if you're struggling and you have questions, but you have people to go and share that with, to be reassuring to you, right, you can serve. When you're in community, you're able to serve.

Speaker 1: 10:04

I talked a lot about this, about, like, when you're trying to make friends as an introvert, right, being able to go out and serve is a big part of community, okay, and so this is why it's so, so important for us HSPs out there, right, who feel like misfits, like we already feel like we don't fit in and so we're kind of prone to isolating and withdrawing. Right, but you can find belonging, validation. You can find all of these things inside community. It may take you some time right, get some trial and error, but you can find all of this in community and that is going to be key to have your support system in place as you're working on building emotional resilience, okay, so what are some practical ways to do this?

Speaker 1: 10:45

Small groups Okay, you can join one. You can start one. Listen, if you're like Latoya, I don't want to be in charge of another thing, listen, I hear you. Okay, I am the same way. But you can find like a group Okay, a Bible study group, a prayer group. I've got something in the works, you know, for this community coming up for the new year. It's going to be a great group that you can go to and be a part of.

Speaker 1: 11:06

Okay, you can do things based on your interest. Okay, you don't have to be like faith focused. Like, maybe you have a book club, right, I have a friend that is in a book club and she loves it. I'm like, dude, I don't know how you read with other people. That's not something I would enjoy, but she loves it. Right, I have joined a gym. Like I'm going to a bar, gym, b-a-r-r-e. Not like going out and drinking, exercise y'all, but it's fun. It's great Like there's a group of ladies that are there. The same ladies are in the same classes all the time. It's a really great place to have that community and connect with other people. All right.

Speaker 1: 11:38

So other ways look for accountability. Invite accountability into your life. All right, invite it in there. So have like one or two people that you really trust, that are safe, that are not gonna let you get away with nothing. Okay, that they are gonna hold you to the things that you say that you're gonna do. They're gonna check in on you. Like when you don't show up for things, when you disappear, they're gonna be like hey, what's going on? What do you need? Like how can I help? Okay, and then I'm gonna put this one in here.

Speaker 1: 12:07

This is probably the most difficult thing for me Reach out when you need something, right. It's really hard to kind of be in community, get the benefit of the community, if you are not leaning into your community. So when you need something, raise your hand, okay, I know that it can be challenging, especially like for introverts, like I'm just like I don't want to people anymore, I don't want to ask for help, I don't want to do like anything, we don't want to appear weak, we don't want to appear needy, right, but it's really a sign of strength. So recently, or was it now two months ago we had two big storms come through where I live at Right Hurricane Milton and Helena and can I tell you that reaching out for help was like everywhere, and it was so beautiful to see all of us pull together and help. Ok, my church had a team together and we were helping members and neighbors and they'd be out helping one person and the person across the street say, hey, can you help, but they go over there and help. That, okay, it's a benefit and the beauty of community.

Speaker 1: 12:56

Okay, and I'm telling you, accountability is good, right? Remember, I told you that I started going out on dates and stuff. So it's really great to have that accountability for my girlfriend and be like, hey, like, are you sticking to your plan? Are you sticking to your boundaries? Know what's going on? And the same thing for her. Right, I'm like, hey, here's my location If I go missing. This is where you start looking right, just having people that you know have your back it matters, right.

Speaker 1: 13:20

And if you're like, how do I get started? Okay, so do simple things. Send a text, right. Ask somebody out for coffee If you drink coffee. I don't drink coffee, so I'm not going to invite anybody for coffee. But I'm like, hey, can we go for a walk? Can we get some smoothies? Can I just sit and talk with you? Right, ask for prayer, ask for small things. So it is really hard to ask for big things, so start off with something small. Okay, hey, can I ask you a question? Can I get your thought on this? I've got a teenager who is getting a first job and wanting to buy a car. And you know what I know about cars Nothing. So what did I have to do? I had to go and ask. I reached out at my church, I asked my deacon. I said, hey, you know, I've got a teenager. He's looking for a car. Like, are you able to offer some input? Because I know nothing and I got more help than I, like, was expecting to get. So it was awesome. Reach out, let people know what you need.

Speaker 1: 14:12

Look for community in unexpected places. All right, so I shared before about, like joining the bar gym and that being like, kind of a new place community. Same thing, right. So what are you interested in? Do you like to paint? Do you like to sing? Do you like to hike? Do you like to walk? Do you like to I don't know jump out of airplanes? Right, look at the things that you like to do and look for community around that. Okay, maybe you get a group of people and you go and do things. Right. I started off with a bar, as I found a free class and I hit my ladies like hey, who wants to go? Right, let's all go check this out. Because I didn't want to go try something new by myself, right, and it was great. And then eventually, like, I'm there by myself, but I didn't start off that way.

Speaker 1: 14:52

So what are some things that keep us from looking for support and building community? So number one is fear, right, fear of judgment or fear of being vulnerable, fear of rejection, okay, like we think, oh, what are they going to think of me? Am I going to be like the most needy person in the group because my life is in shambles right now? I mean, you might be, but like, in a month, maybe somebody else is turning to be the most neediest person in the group. That's the whole point right, bearing each other's burdens. Right, we have to be vulnerable with each other. I know it's scary, I know it's scary, I know, but you can't really have relationships and true community if you don't have some kind of vulnerability in there. All right, you got to show up as yourself good, bad ugly. The right people will accept you and love you, right, and be there with you no matter what, right?

Speaker 1: 15:31

So another obstacle is feeling like a burden. So I know that this is something that I feel, right, not as much lately, but I have felt this in the past. I feel like high maintenance, and that's so. High maintenance is such an ugly word. So I have not called myself high maintenance, but I have had people tell me that I have high maintenance because of my sensitivities, right, because I need to have breaks, because I can't handle a lot of stimulation, because I am super sensitive right. They have labeled me as high maintenance, and so I have internalized that in the past as, oh, then I'm going to be a burden, I'm going to be a drain, I'm going to be more work than I'm worth, right. Can any of you relate to that? That's not true. I know that we feel that way because of just the way that we are built, the way that we operate in the world. But you are not a burden, right? Your people, the right people, right, they will love you and cherish you and you have so many gifts that you can bring to the table that they need. Right, that community needs what you have. All right, and the whole goal is to lighten each other's burdens, is to lighten the load for one another, and so we can't really do that if we're not showing up and not showing up as ourselves. All right, so I'm kind of telling you to get over yourself, because I had to tell myself to get over myself. I love you All right.

Speaker 1: 16:49

Another obstacle is just trust issues from the past. So, oh, my goodness y'all, I am one of those people who, probably two years ago, would have been like I don't trust nobody. Right, because I have had so many times in my past where somebody has broken my trust. Right, they've proven themselves untrustworthy, they've betrayed me, they've lied, they've used something that I shared with me against me, and, yeah, it is so hard to come back from that. But I promise that, number one, you're not going to be the only person in your community or in your group that's having that same struggle. Like, we all have things from our past that caused us to struggle to trust. Right, and that's okay. Right, we're all on our own journeys. But I just encourage you to pray, to seek healing from those past hurts.

Speaker 1: 17:36

I got an episode on forgiveness that you can go listen to. I'll leave that link in the show notes. But, yeah, do the work that you need so that you can be in a place where you're ready to engage in community and into healthy relationships. It's possible, right, and remember, boundaries are a good thing, all right. So here's what I want you to think about as you are moving forward with your week. I want you to take a look at your current community and support system. Okay, do you have community in a support system? Like, do you have people that you can rely on for emotional support? If you don't, what's keeping you from engaging in that? Okay, and what's one step you can take this week to either build community or strengthen the connections that you have? Right, and listen, it doesn't have to be anything big, it could simply be sending a text.

Speaker 1: 18:27

When the storm came through, I took time to check in with my people. Hey, like, what are your plans? Are you staying? Are you evacuating? Do you need anything? Right, and then afterwards checking hey, are you back? Are you good? Right, do you have damage? You need something Like how can I help, how can I support? Right, and one of our mamas needed some housing because her housing was wrecked in the storm, and I was able to connect her with resources right to get what she needed Right. So do that Right. Texts are easy. We're introverts. We are great at texts, so think of something small that you can do. All right.

Speaker 1: 19:01

So I'm going to hop off my soapbox right now for communities. So we've talked about right, just the whole point and plan and why God designed us to be in community, talked about the role that it plays in your emotional well-being. Right, I gave you some practical things that you can do to build it and to maintain it. So, before we wrap up, right, I hinted at it earlier, but I want to let you know that, starting in 2025, we are going to have our own community right and support group for just emotional wellness and building emotional resilience for highly sensitive and introverted women. So I want you to be sure to hop on my email list right. So I got a free gift for you latoyaedwardsnet slash guide. You'll get our feel your Feelings Roadmap for free, but you'll also be a part of my email community because they're gonna be the very first to hear about this new support group and how to join and how to be a part of it.

Speaker 1: 19:55

I just wanted to let you know that this is going to be the last episode for the year. I am taking the next two weeks off to do all of the Christmas holiday things, to rest, to relax and to be ready to jump back into 2025 with some new things. Right, the podcast is getting some changes, some facelifts, some new looks, some new things. I'm going to be back on January 6th with a five-day series all about managing your emotions as an HSP and introvert. So be on lookout for that and, god bless, I'll see you next year. I hope you were blessed and encouraged by today's episode. I would love to hear from you. The best way to do that is to leave a five-star rating and review on your podcast player, sharing what you loved or found helpful about today's episode. This helps other women find the show and it's a huge blessing to me. Thank you so much for joining me today.