Embark on a journey with the Vallottons as they arm individuals with the strategic know-how to make the New Year not just memorable but transformational. The Vallottons peel back the layers on why setting clear goals is the secret weapon for personal and relational triumphs, emphasizing the importance of a well-crafted "battle plan" to turn dreams into reality. In this episode, the Vallottons engage in a heartfelt discussion about navigating challenges between a vision that sparks inner fire and a mission that drives daily strides forward.
Listeners are invited to redefine the art of goal setting as the Vallottons share over two decades of unwavering commitment to a vision that has guided their growth, demonstrating how others can do the same. The Vallottons support individuals in identifying mission-critical tasks – their 'job to do' – and reveal how to break down intimidating dreams into manageable, actionable steps. Listeners will walk away equipped with pragmatic strategies for setting goals across key life facets, ensuring they steer their ship with purpose and precision.
Delving into the complexities of balancing ambition with the nurturing of cherished relationships, the Vallottons stress the power of accountability and community. They share insights on simple tools like alarms and calendars, along with the wisdom of aligning with successful role models, to finesse the symphony of life. Whether individuals are aiming to enhance fitness, financial health, or family life, the Vallottons encourage setting priorities that propel towards a year of unparalleled success.
Connect with Lauren:
Instagram
Facebook
Connect with Jason:
Jay’s Instagram
Jay’s Facebook
BraveCo Instagram
www.braveco.org
Embark on a journey with the Vallottons as they arm individuals with the strategic know-how to make the New Year not just memorable but transformational. The Vallottons peel back the layers on why setting clear goals is the secret weapon for personal and relational triumphs, emphasizing the importance of a well-crafted "battle plan" to turn dreams into reality. In this episode, the Vallottons engage in a heartfelt discussion about navigating challenges between a vision that sparks inner fire and a mission that drives daily strides forward.
Listeners are invited to redefine the art of goal setting as the Vallottons share over two decades of unwavering commitment to a vision that has guided their growth, demonstrating how others can do the same. The Vallottons support individuals in identifying mission-critical tasks – their 'job to do' – and reveal how to break down intimidating dreams into manageable, actionable steps. Listeners will walk away equipped with pragmatic strategies for setting goals across key life facets, ensuring they steer their ship with purpose and precision.
Delving into the complexities of balancing ambition with the nurturing of cherished relationships, the Vallottons stress the power of accountability and community. They share insights on simple tools like alarms and calendars, along with the wisdom of aligning with successful role models, to finesse the symphony of life. Whether individuals are aiming to enhance fitness, financial health, or family life, the Vallottons encourage setting priorities that propel towards a year of unparalleled success.
Connect with Lauren:
Instagram
Facebook
Connect with Jason:
Jay’s Instagram
Jay’s Facebook
BraveCo Instagram
www.braveco.org
We're the Valentines and we are passionate about people.
Speaker 1:Every human was created for fulfilling relational connection.
Speaker 2:But that's not always what comes easiest.
Speaker 1:We know this because of our wide range of personal experience, as well as our years of working with people.
Speaker 2:So we're going to crack open topics like dating, marriage, family and parenting to encourage, entertain and equip you for a deeply fulfilling life of relational health.
Speaker 1:Happy New Year, everyone. Welcome back to the podcast.
Speaker 2:Yes, we are back in action on the first Wednesday of the brand new year 2024. Welcome back, listeners. We say welcome back like it's been a long break. It hasn't, but we are in a new year, so it feels like a good opportunity to say hey here we are. We're in a new time. Welcome back everyone. Yeah, we're here on dates, mates and babies, with the Valentines, hosting you for the first conversation of our year, and you know it's a very trendy topic today.
Speaker 1:It's a trendy topic.
Speaker 2:It's not necessarily creative in the sense of it's a common week to discuss plans and resolutions and change making and bright futures. But you know what? There's a lot of value in that conversation and we're going to go at it Valitant conversation style, where Jay and I are going to talk through some things. And you know, I think, moving into a new year where a lot of people have it on their minds to work hard, set goals, make change. Naturally, there's some areas where we're going to feel really confident in our ability to make plans and change.
Speaker 2:And then there's a couple probably areas of our lives for all of us where we're like, wow, I've come before. I'm not sure that I'm, you know, I don't know that I know what I'm doing in this area and, gosh, I would love to make change in this area or to set new goals or resolutions, but am I going to be successful and how do I attain those goals? And so we're going to talk through a little bit of that today. And obviously you know this, this conversation, our conversations on this podcast, are always pertaining to relational health of some sort, but also just on an individual level, I think it's important that we sit with ourselves and actually learn how to be strategic and proactive in all areas of our lives. So we're going to crack open that topic today. Huh, babe.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I like this topic because it's one that I think about quite a bit in, especially in brave go and leading men.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm constantly talking to guys about how to strategize, how to plan. We actually call it a battle plan and brave go, battle plan. Guys want a battle plan. You know they don't just want like a year in goal.
Speaker 2:Yeah, a smart goal. Smart goal which I'm not hitting on. I'm not like yeah, smart goals are cool. Yeah, smart goals are good.
Speaker 1:But the thing for me is I watch even myself, but a lot of people not get to where they want to be simply because they don't actually aim, they don't have a proper aim right and there's a um, there's a, basically a quote that says you can't hit what you don't aim at. And as a hunter, I think about that a lot because we we have these aspirations right, like I want to be, I want to be a great father and a dad, and but you're not actually, if you're not really aiming at something, if you're not really breaking it down to what do I have, what is my target today, then you never really get anywhere. And I see, at the beginning of the year it is really trendy to talk about what are you going to do different? What are your resolutions? But we know just statistically that most people's New Year's resolutions don't ever get accomplished.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And it's my desire that everybody would feel equipped to accomplish the goals that they have for their life, and even equipped to make goals. And so to me like one of the this, this whole conversation, is around becoming a person of strategy. Becoming a strategic person and getting creating a plan in your life that you can actually execute.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so, um, we're going to talk a little bit about you and I were talking earlier about creating a vision and a mission statement. Um, because I like having a mission and a vision and breaking it down, but I know that you feel a little different.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't, I don't like it. Um, I don't know if this is relatable to anybody, but I don't know. I feel like you know, in school and through I don't know, years of growing up and first in probably like in youth group, and then again in college and then in ministry school. I feel like I've been led through different exercises of, like creating mission and vision statements before and I find it really annoying honestly and I'm not 100% sure why. I think part of it for me is to be at a random day and year in my life, however long it may be, to sit down and write into words like what a vision or a mission might be for myself, feel it always felt really arbitrary. It always felt like I don't know what do I feel like today, like I have no idea. I mean, I know I I'm serving the Lord with my life. I know and love God, I care about my family, I just want to do a good job. I don't know, like just whatever is in front of me.
Speaker 2:I'm also one of those people that I'm very into sets of responsibilities, like I like achieving things, I like marking things off of a to do list, but I know.
Speaker 2:One of the things that's happened for me in my life is I'm really good at doing the everyday stuff well, but if I didn't have people like you in my life or even friends of mine I'm thinking of friends of mine like Jenna's aunt and have a cutting tin who will dream up something, make a big, unattainable plan and then break it down and achieve big goals, I'm always kind of sit back and look in amazement. I'm like they can get more done in a week than I get done in a day. When it comes like big projects, and some of the things that I felt really stuck in in my life is like I have a pretty good feel on the inside of myself about the kind of impact I'm supposed to make on the planet, but I don't. Actually I'm not the best at initiating big change or initiating the start of like a big project or a big goal. I tend to aim for a long time.
Speaker 2:So, you're like you can't hit anything you don't aim at. That's true. You also can't hit anything you don't shoot at.
Speaker 1:And I'm like a perpetual aimer.
Speaker 2:And so for me, I think, vision and mission statements, writing it down, always felt like a bit trapping, because I I'm not confident always that I'm going to execute on whatever vision or mission I aspire to, and so I'd rather live with a sense of. I'd rather live with a sense of like calling, or what's the word I use it earlier, not calling Achievement, no, like job, like what's my job.
Speaker 1:Like what's my. What is the word tasks or?
Speaker 2:responsibilities or tasks or like what's my objective, I think assignment, that's the word assignment.
Speaker 1:What's my?
Speaker 2:assignment, so somebody's given me assignment. God gave me these two little tiny kids in this season, and so my assignment obviously is to be a mom to toddlers. I also have three grown kids. Naturally, my assignment which is out of my control is to be the best mom I can be to these three grown kids. I'm married, so my assignment is to be a great wife. I own a home, so my assignment is to take care of it and to make sure that I'm stewarding what God's given us, and I'm responsible for all these mouths to feed, so we have to make money.
Speaker 2:So I think I think more in terms of responsibility and assignment. But I like the challenge, like we can have this conversation. I'm okay to have the conversation with you because actually I do want to live, not just with my head down looking at today. I want to live with the future in mind and I want to accomplish great things and I want to be proud of myself. So I'm happy to. But I think that's my aversion to vision, mission is, it feels really out there and arbitrary and it feels like, well, I may or may not actually accomplish that.
Speaker 2:So I don't like talking about it.
Speaker 1:Well, and I think that that's really valid the part of in the teaching. What happens is if you don't ever have somebody walk you all the way through the vision and the mission and then break it down to the assignment or the objectives every day, then it gets really lame just creating a vision and a mission, because I think that inside of your assignment right Like when you start talking about I'm a mom of you know two little, two littles and three bigs there you do have, you actually have a vision for them. You want to feel connected and you want to feel close and you want them to, you want our kids, to our littles, to learn how to be polite, loving, like you have these, these future.
Speaker 2:I have dreams and wishes about how I want to feel and maybe that's a good point to make is where I'm so aware of my responsibilities. But to be knee-deep in responsibility without language for a greater mission or a vision, you can probably lose yourself in the weeds of it.
Speaker 1:That's what's super helpful for me and I think the so I basically built out an ethos when I walk guys through this, which I may or may not read my ethos, but an ethos has, at least my ethos. And when I teach guys to do it, it has the vision and has the mission, but also has core values in there and then some of the takeaways to do. And what's helpful about that is every day when I go home and I'm tired and I don't want to be present.
Speaker 1:I just want to like. I'm thinking about why God put me on this planet, and I'm thinking about the father that I want to be. I'm thinking about the kids, the future adults that I'm raising and the world changers Like, I have vision in my mind when I come home, which makes me do my assignment for that day, and so I just find it helpful.
Speaker 2:That's good. Yeah, we can talk through it.
Speaker 1:So I do think, whether people want to change the language to like what's my assignment, or if you're like me and you go. I actually like to break it into vision and mission. When we talk about a mission and a vision statement, the mission statement defines, like the current primary objectives and it's more about what you're doing today. Like what is the mission today. When you're talking about a vision statement, it outlines the desired future state of a person or like an organization Go ahead.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I just kind of feel to clarify a couple of things, cause the word ethos wasn't like a familiar word to me.
Speaker 2:I mean I learned about ethos, pathos and logos when I was, you know, like in school, but when you're, the ethos you're talking about would be so like an eth. The word ethos means kind of everything we do and everything we say and it's what drives your culture. So it's a culture. It's like guardrails for your culture, which then you know it's not necessarily your mission, it's different than your mission. Your mission, a mission statement could be valuable in, like, it's what you're aspiring to and it clearly articulates what you value. But so both would be valuable and they're not the same. I just want to, I feel like just to clarify that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, which is why I said, I may or may not read mine today.
Speaker 2:Yeah, keep going.
Speaker 1:So the mission it's easy to think like mission is about the here and now. If I'm a Navy SEAL and I'm going out on missions, you know like I'm doing a mission, I'm preparing for what's happening today.
Speaker 2:I've got the right amount of ammo.
Speaker 1:I've got the right boat, I've got all that stuff and I'm gearing up for the actual mission, but the vision of what does it mean to be a Navy SEAL? Where is the Navy SEALs going in the future and when? What are they going to achieve in the future?
Speaker 2:Or why.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what are their objectives in the future? Like that's all about the vision.
Speaker 1:And so I really think for an individual, if you have never sat down and gone through what is your vision for your life, it's really helpful. And I'm not going to break down like every single piece of it because literally you could just chat GBT how to create a vision for your life, but here's some of the things that I did personally is I look at my prophetic words over my life, what God's spoken to me consistently. I look at my passions. What are the things that I naturally love to do?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And my convictions. What do I feel really strongly about? And that becomes that starts to paint my vision for my life Like.
Speaker 1:I want to restore. So one of the visions that I got for my life when I was really young is I knew that I wanted to restore broken men back into their original creation, and that was that came from a really long story, but that came when I was 13 years old. Now, practically the mission that I have been on for a long time is bringing emotional health to the church regularly, over and over and over again, and I do that through counseling, I do that through podcasts, I do that. So it's helpful to be able to identify and that's literally what's kept me on this track for 20 years. This year we're 20 years at Bethel and even longer than 20 years I've been on this track and haven't changed the subject. And because I knew when I was young, like my dad, helping me identify that I had a passion for helping people get healthy is what brought me to youth group when I was young.
Speaker 1:So that vision and mission was hugely impactful. So I really do think to make it even easier, guys, take a look at your recurrent responsibilities. Think about your marriage. If you're married, your business or job your family, your finances, your relationships, your walk with God. Okay, so take those right and ask yourself what is your vision for your family, for your business, for your finances, relationships and your walk with God? Just write down those. What is that five? Write down those five different categories, your family.
Speaker 2:Your vision for those categories, like an example, would be okay for our finances what's our vision.
Speaker 1:For our finances. I wanna be independently wealthy in the sense that I'm not relying on A nine to five. A nine to five job yeah.
Speaker 2:We're not living paycheck by paycheck.
Speaker 1:No, and we can give.
Speaker 2:We've got multiple streams of income. Yep we have investments and saving.
Speaker 1:Passive income.
Speaker 2:That would be so how is that different than goals?
Speaker 1:Yeah, because you have to set goals to get there.
Speaker 2:Okay, right, so if I so those, in and of themselves are not goals, because they're not measurable or attainable.
Speaker 1:Yeah, if I wanna be independently wealthy, then I have to come all the way back to go. What am I gonna do?
Speaker 2:Square one, square one. Yeah, okay, got it.
Speaker 1:So marriage, what is the vision for a marriage? Like, you can say it a bunch of different ways, but I want a marriage that is connected. I want a marriage that feels close, but I also want a marriage that, when our kids look at it, that they go. That's what I want in the future yeah, for sure. And so I wanna be a model marriage for other individuals other couples.
Speaker 1:And we've talked a lot about okay, what are we gonna do today to get there? So, if individuals break down, this is really important because, again, all of your hard work and effort that you're about to do, if you don't have a vision for why you're doing that hard work and effort, it's why people, it's why, right now, so many gym memberships just got bought. It's today, literally it's January 1st, and people are there creating these. I'm gonna get buff right, I'm gonna get in shape, I'm gonna get fit.
Speaker 1:I went for a walk today on purpose day one, yeah but if all you say is I don't wanna be fat, I don't wanna be weak.
Speaker 2:I don't wanna be.
Speaker 1:It's not enough motivation to get you back to the gym day two and day three and day five and day 10.
Speaker 1:And so, by really sitting down and dialing in, what do you want your family to look like, what do you want your marriage to look like, what do you want your finances to look like? And you can't fight a battle on every front, so you literally can't go like 100% finance, 100% marriage, 100% life is not perfectly balanced, so you're gonna have to pick one that you know like this one's either my highest priority or this is one's the easiest to attain right now, and so I'm going to like we're gonna tackle this here's my vision.
Speaker 2:Choose your first steps first.
Speaker 1:Yeah, here's my vision for all these areas. Okay, this is the one that's most important right now. So, if you've written out your vision for your business, your finances, your relationships, your walk with God, the next step to me is the mission. It's what are the steps you need to take to get there? And so it's or like, can I say it in a different way?
Speaker 2:So I'm like, if I have a vision for the kind of life I wanna live inside my finances or in my relationships, or in my family or in my marriage, then I think my mission, then I come up with a mission statement according to like okay, then what's the task at hand? I'm thinking about the Navy SEALs. It's like okay, what the mission is like. What is the job? What's the job to do then? So, if this is my vision, what's the job to do?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's Perfectly Can we do an example of that. So, like even for myself okay, let's say I love what you said about marriage I want. The vision I have for my marriage is that we would be thriving and connected in such a way that we would be a role model marriage for our kids and for people looking for help. So then, what's the mission?
Speaker 1:The mission is to the job at hand. The job at hand is to identify the weak points and the strong points in our marriage, the things that are holding us back from being close and connected every single day. So we are on a mission to to get connected every single day.
Speaker 2:Expose the weak spots and strengthen bonds.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a great mission, Okay, and then I like for people to look at the obstacles. So what's it that would be? The next thing is like what's in your way from doing that?
Speaker 2:Yeah, because we keep you from getting the job done.
Speaker 1:And we can talk about it like even with fitness right, like I want to be, I want to be a healthy, whole person and live as long as God has called me to live, so that I can, whatever spread the gospel across the world.
Speaker 2:Okay great.
Speaker 1:The mission I'm on is to get physically fit in this season. What are the obstacles? Well, I've got a. I don't actually even know how to create a routine. That's a big obstacle. You're going to have to find a program, find a person, find, so an obstacle for like obstacles.
Speaker 2:I know other seasons where I've like wanted to join the gym. I'm like I don't even know how to use those machines. I literally walk inside the gym and I'm like great, I have no idea what to do. Or maybe you, I don't know, like maybe somebody has, maybe an obstacle would be like I have a, I have diabetes, and so there there's a literal obstacle in my way, Like I have to figure out how to work around or get over that obstacle.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, and problem solving that, again, this is big, because if you don't solve the obstacles and pain points which we'll talk about in a second, then you, you're setting yourself up for failure. Yeah, so you have to be.
Speaker 2:I think this is where you get rid of the pain points, so where you get realistic, like you have to have realistic. Okay, here's the mission. That's great, realistically, what is at play? So I'm thinking of different marriages that I could think about the top of my head. I'm like, okay, some marriages are dealing with, like, a spouse that has mental illness Some marriages are dealing, yeah, okay, the mission that we have is still that we would expose weaknesses and strengthen our bonds in our marriage. Okay, what's the obstacle? I think we should address this porn addiction that so and so has or this mental illness or, you know, maybe there's a child in the situation.
Speaker 2:I'm thinking of our own. I'm like an obstacle for us would be okay. Something that has been keeping us from date nights which I think would be a great objective for us, would be our three year old. It's been hard for anybody else to put her down to sleep at night, and so that's been an obstacle in the way of us being really connected in a dating life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, anyways, and you can even examples of obstacles. Yeah, you can even throw in pain points. So sometimes an obstacle isn't necessarily a pain point, it's literally just something in your way.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But a pain point to me is like if you look at where you failed before something, that is actually like a real pain point in your life.
Speaker 1:So, we've tried marriage counseling and it didn't work. And we've tried it's like well, why? Why didn't it work? And this is where a very honest, brutally honest look at why you are the way that you are, why you're at where you're at. So a lot of people will go I don't have enough money to go to the gym an obstacle, right? I don't, I can't afford a monthly gym membership and you go. Okay, if you really look at that, do you have to have money to go to the gym in order to get physically fit? Probably not. Is it easier if you can go to the gym? Probably, but you have to solve that, right. But if the past pain point is, I went to the gym and I got made fun of.
Speaker 1:I went to the gym and I felt like that's different. Right, because I have to create a plan for that. I have to. I'll give you another pain point my spouse won't go to counseling with me.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:It's like well, I want a healthy whole marriage. I have got a real desire for a healthy whole marriage. I'm going to have to solve that, because and we and we've dealt with that before right when I've seen one person go to counseling and the other won't and their marriage turned around, it's like, okay, it is a real pain point, but if you don't again, if you don't address the pain points and the obstacles, then you'll get. You'll get like a week or two into your new year's resolution and then you'll just quit because you didn't. You didn't actually take care of the pain point.
Speaker 1:And this is what it looks like to me. This is like a real clear example of it practically is when I go hiking. Um, one of the biggest threats to me when I'm hiking is my actual feet. So if I start to feel a hotspot or a blister developing, which happens a lot, I have to take the time to take my shoe off, to put a certain kind of tape onto that hotspot, to take care of it so it doesn't ruin the rest of my trip. Yeah, and a lot of people don't do that they end up with these massive blisters and it slows them down.
Speaker 1:And what does that look like in a relationship. It looks like, uh, your finances? It looks like your spouse doesn't want to participate. It looks like, well, there's still a way to probably achieve most of your goal, if not all of it, but you have to really address the pain points. Yeah, and for a pain point for a lot of people, if I go back to my example of hiking, is they didn't do enough prep ahead of time to actually to actually do the hike that they really want to go on and they've never been able to.
Speaker 1:It's like well you didn't prep ahead of time enough.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So it's really helpful. Again, when you're sitting down, you're looking at your vision. What do I want my relationships, my family, my business, my finances, my walk with God to be was my vision for that this year.
Speaker 2:Yeah, then what are?
Speaker 1:the obstacles. What are the pain points in the way? The next step to me is getting. You're noticing this is a funnel right. It starts with vision, then it gets a little narrower with mission, then it gets a little narrower with the obstacles and the pain points. Now we get to the objectives, the tactics, the timelines, and this is kind of where it's fun to dream, it's fun to think about a vision.
Speaker 2:It's less fun to execute the plan A lot less to hold myself to create a schedule and to hold myself to it.
Speaker 1:But this is where the rubber meets the road right. Is okay. What do I need to do over the next four weeks?
Speaker 2:What do I want to accomplish Bracing it down, and what do I want to accomplish Into attainable?
Speaker 1:Yeah, you've got a month.
Speaker 2:Things you're accountable to.
Speaker 1:Okay, so in January, if you want a marriage that is connected and healthy and whole, that the world can look at and be inspired by, right, then the mission is to get connected to gain tools. I need to gain tools so that we can actually achieve connection.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:What's the obstacles? In my way, we don't know anybody Right, and we've tried before. Obstacles and pain points. We've tried before and it fails. Yeah, we explode on each other, right, okay, what's?
Speaker 1:the objective over the next four weeks, because we have to. Over the next four weeks, we need to identify who the expert is on communication, right? So that would be our objective. Okay, now the timeline. I can even go even deeper. So, this week, what am I going to do this week? I'm going to do this thing and you're going to do that thing.
Speaker 1:So, I'm going to, um, maybe we decide that the boundaries book is a place to start for us, and then we're going to read a chapter together, uh, every single week, starting with five pages a day.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, I just want to insert this. My one of my best friends is Jenna's in. We've had her on the podcast before and um, she started something called um. She's a habit coach and she runs a business and called the habit lab and I always have her ringing in my ear Like she'll always say like you need to start offensively small.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And if you want to see real change happen, then you have to take bite size. You know you have to take bite-sized chunks out of your goals in order to make them attainable, because we aren't built to actually just do a 180-degree turn most of the time. We have to like pivot little by little. And so I do think that I like what you're saying and I think for people to consider for 2024, slash life, to consider making your first steps even smaller, maybe offensively small, like how about just buy the boundaries book for starters? Like check that off your list.
Speaker 1:Get on Amazon today, buy it and put it on your nightstand.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then you know, maybe the next step is to read one page a day, can I?
Speaker 1:give a really good example. Yeah, so a really good example. Let's say that you just made a New Year's resolution to work out right. You're going to go crush it at the gym and get in shape Instead of going to the gym the first week. All that you need to do is to get your workout closed and put them by your bed, right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this is a good example from. I think it's from atomic habits or tiny habits, one of those? But yeah, he's like. Just all you do is put on your tennis shoes each day. You don't even go work out, yeah.
Speaker 1:So the first, like the first two days, is at night. I make sure that my clothes are by my bed. Then the next morning, all I, the only goal, is to get dressed. Six am, my alarm clock goes off. I get out of bed, I get dressed.
Speaker 2:In your workout gear.
Speaker 1:If I do that, I can go back to bed.
Speaker 2:Yeah, totally.
Speaker 1:And you're like oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:Which, honestly, the power in tiny, attainable goals is. We're kind of butchering it Like it's a whole thing and actually like what Jenna does in her habit lab and how she sets you up, for even the why behind this is profound. But yes, like the whole point being start small. Don't try to eat the entire cow.
Speaker 1:No, you won't do it Right. Go back and listen to go back and listen to the podcast with Aaron and Jenna.
Speaker 2:Did we do? Was their episode on habits? I don't remember. Oh really, I don't know that it was.
Speaker 1:Well, anyways, what still won't hurt you.
Speaker 2:No, they're great.
Speaker 1:So what we want to do is okay, let's say that we created a objective for the next four weeks, right, which is going to be we're going to identify a really good communication expert and we're going to get their material. Then we're going to break it down each, each week. What I want to do is is I want to put on the calendar for February 1st to do a review on that last month's objectives, because if you don't go back and review and if you don't do reviews, then you don't see where you're succeeding, where you're failing, because that's where you make adjustments. You're like, hmm, actually we said that we were going to read a chapter a week, but we only read the first five pages.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And then you have to. You may find out like this goal is unrealistic, right? Because we can't read three to five pages every night. We just had a baby, a brand new baby, and you're up three times a night.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:It's like, okay, that's really good information. Because, instead of getting to the end of the year and feeling like a failure, right, you can revise, revise, yeah, for sure, yeah.
Speaker 1:But you want to put that in the calendar. So one of the things that I think people need to get better at is setting alarms and letting your phone do the work for you. So I think that that's it's really helpful at night, set an alarm to remind you when to read, and that's all in the habit stuff, but it really is helpful. Yeah, and then you should have what you need to do every single day to get there. We talked about that. So if your feet hit the ground and you don't know what to do every single day for not living on a calendar, that the chances that you get anywhere really meaningful that you're like super proud of consistently is just so slim, yeah you're not going to do it.
Speaker 1:So you have to live from a calendar and you have to know every single day what your objectives are.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's good. I want to interject too. I know there's a lot of different people who are just made so differently and we all have such different strengths and gifts. And some of us are just more calendar keepers by you know, by nature, I being one of those people, I like have my paper calendar and my phone calendar and my wall calendar. I actually find joy in syncing them up, um. And then I have a friend I'm thinking of who, by nature, she's opposite.
Speaker 2:But even she has found, as a mom of three and a, you know, almost 40 something year old woman, that she is even in defying her nature and creating new pathways in her brain. She is tired of being ineffective in certain areas where she would have said well, my personality is just more go with the flow. She's actually and she told me this um. She gave me this analogy the other day. She said God gave her this picture of um like a symphony. Her life could be a symphony, or and I forget the other word that she used, but it was like a. Basically, the difference is there's. There can be a ton of instruments playing something that turns into a beautiful melody.
Speaker 2:No, or just a oh cacophony, is that the word?
Speaker 1:Anyways, that's such a big word. I went to a private Christian school in Weaverville. Yeah, you don't know that. No, I didn't remember words like that.
Speaker 2:Um well, anyways, the point being, or there's just a bunch of instruments playing at random, not in sync, and she felt the invitation of the Holy spirit, like with a little structure, your life could actually sound like a symphony, and I think so. I guess my point is I don't want people to discount themselves from being successful in a process like this just because it isn't quote your personality. Well, I am not, as you know, babe, I know this is amazing that you're even on this train.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I am not a calendar maker keeper by nature, but probably probably 14 years ago, when I became a rabbi, group pastor and BSSM, there were so many meetings that I realized like I'm getting crushed, and then I felt so chaotic.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:I'm actually a really go with the flow type of person too, until you realize, like that, all that is is chaos. Right, that's the way that I used to, because I used to feel like a calendar is going to lock me down and now, if it's on my calendar, that's all I have to do. So if it's on my calendar, I got to do that. If it's not on my calendar, I feel powerful now. So absolutely.
Speaker 1:I love my calendar now. Um, all right. The next thing that I think is really helpful is um who's going with you?
Speaker 2:And this is huge.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it is. If we go back to the gym analogy, we know that, uh, if you, if you go, if you have a partner going to the gym, you're like 90% more likely to fulfill that commitment longterm than if you just go by yourself. So just by adding a person, it's one of the best ways that you can assure yourself that you're going to attain the. That goal is who's actually going to either help keep you accountable or go with you on this journey Massive. And if you find somebody, the real trick like, if you want to hack for this, find somebody that's further along with. Didn't you find some of the already has this habit in their life. Whatever you're trying to achieve, yeah.
Speaker 1:I'll give a even better example for this. Find a married. If you're like I, need to improve my marriage and our communication. Find a couple. If you can find a couple that you can meet with once a week, that has a healthy marriage, and just do dinner with them. You don't even have to talk about your marriage, just do dinner with them on a consistent basis, because you can start with once a month, and it would be helpful.
Speaker 1:You're the chances that you actually fulfill this. Uh, you know, vision, mission objective in your life is like massive and so absolutely. That's huge, and then you can even write out a contract. So I like, I like, I think guys like to do this kind of stuff right out of contract, Like I'm today. I'm promising myself and I will start on this day. And I'll, because it's. If you write out a contract, it actually says that you know it.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And, um, I had a friend come to me the other day and when we're talking, talking about who's going with you, uh, it's actually Cole.
Speaker 2:Cole's like and.
Speaker 1:I'll say his name, just because he wouldn't care.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I love him.
Speaker 1:But Cole came to me the other day and he said, hey, I need to start, I need to create some new rhythms in my life and I was thinking to myself, gosh, who could hold me accountable?
Speaker 1:And he's like, and then I thought, oh, jay would be the best person. And, um, so he told me, like he said, I want to get better at this area and this area because, uh, he just became a pastor and he's like I, I want to in my future. I want to know the Bible you know off the top of my hand and I want to be able to, you know, have this deep relationship with God 20 years from now, that which he has a really deep relationship with God, but he's just looking at his future, right?
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, you always have to be learning and growing, yeah, and so then I said okay, what are you going to do every day? And then I did to him what, what? You know what we talked about a second ago? I said like hey, instead of doing like an hour of whatever Bible reading, can we just back it up to like X amount? So we made it smaller and smaller.
Speaker 1:And he's consistent with all that stuff. But anyways, it's awesome because I call him, like I call him at least once a week and go hey dude, how's your plan going?
Speaker 2:Totally.
Speaker 1:And I just made it a point, but to me like that. And then he wrote it all out. So that was the contract thing is he actually wrote all of his stuff out. This is what I'm going to do, this, how I'm going to do it. This one is going to get executed. He set his alarms on his phone and Cole will be. He'll be successful because he put all those pieces into place.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. So anyways this is my thoughts for 2024. I love it.
Speaker 1:Hey, I do have one more, one more thought. Okay, one of the things that I've been thinking about a lot lately, especially with men, is I'm noticing that a lot of guys are creating. They have a lot of vision for mostly physical fitness and finances, which aren't bad. Those things are awesome.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I recently sent a text to a whole group of guys that are are my close friends, because I was kind of seeing a pattern is, a lot of times we set these goals, that are these awesome, audacious goals, and then when they start to execute those goals, what they don't think about is becoming like whatever independently wealthy, or which is one of my goals, or physically fit, which is also one of my goals also has to be in line with the rest of your goals, the more your priorities and maybe I should say, instead of goals, priorities, because if I if I make a goal to be a millionaire or whatever, and my plan is that I'm going to do that in 2024.
Speaker 1:Well, the only way that I could actually even get close to achieving that is by spending all of my time at work, at work. And I, I do, I watch. I think it's a mistake. It's a mistake when you don't put into, when you don't prioritize, when you don't prioritize how you're going to accomplish and how much you're gonna accomplish the timeline. Because I watch a lot of men and I'm just talking about, I'm just talking to men right now.
Speaker 1:I watch men go, I'm gonna get ripped, I'm gonna get so physically fit and they're working out, literally, they're working out several times a day and for some people it works. It really does. It's not the amount. It doesn't work for your family. And so my whole thing for guys is are your goals, are they actually helping or hurting your relationships? And so, if you have, I had a conversation with a good friend the other day. I said, hey, dude, like your goals for your finances are one, they're attainable for him, but they're outrageous because it's costing his family so much right now and the emotional bank account is so low in his relationships with his wife and his kids that he's one of the best guys I know. And I just had to start going like, hey, wait, when you achieve this goal financially, what's it gonna cost you relationally?
Speaker 2:Right, right, right. What's it gonna cost you?
Speaker 1:And I told him, like he's already a millionaire. So I told him hey, listen, if you were a million dollars in debt and you were gonna go bankrupt and lose your, like this goal, trying to work this much makes a lot of sense. Totally Because you'd have to. You know the threat to your family is so great. But that's not the case. You're a millionaire and, but you're not a millionaire relationally.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:So your actual, real priority in this season should be your family, not your finances. You feel powerful in your finances. That's why you chose this goal.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So we often choose things that we really feel powerful, that we know we're gonna accomplish yeah, and sacrifice life and limb to make that happen Totally In abort or abandon the thing that we actually really need to focus on. So to me it's just a warning and I know some of my guy friends are like doing these big workout challenges and I'm not talking to you like if your wife's good with it and it's helping your family and it doesn't have anything to do with how much money you're making or there's no right or wrong?
Speaker 1:No, but we have to actually stop and look at your priorities and ask yourself is this keeping in check my priorities while I go on this mission?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think that that is probably where Ethos comes in it does.
Speaker 2:Because if you're making big, huge goals and aspirations out of things that take you away from the actual culture that you're trying to build and live by, then you're off base, and I think I would send people back to listen even to our episode last week where we talked about reviewing 2023 and actually making some resolution in your relationships, like if you're married or if you're even thinking of your family. I think there's a place. It's really important that individually, we would have our own individual sets of goals and aspirations, but, especially if you're married, you would want to feel like blessed by your spouse to go after that thing, and it's a privilege to make space for the things that are in your heart. But I do think, for married couples specifically, if you've got these huge goals, those are goals you have to set in relationship with your wife or husband, not independently, and then be like well, babe, it's my goal, it's my, you know it has to work for the family. It does.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, that's huge To me the first step in this. If you've never really fully pulled off a plan, a year-long plan with a vision and mission, then I think the first step is to do it with somebody else, before you even sit down to try and do it yourself. Find a good friend and go hey, let's. Or a friend group and say let's, next week, let's come with some of this and we'll help each other like work through some of these pieces. So that's great. Anyways.
Speaker 2:Good chat.
Speaker 1:Yeah, babe, tell us about the marriage intensive coming out.
Speaker 2:Oh gosh. Well, ok, we do have a couple more spots available If anybody's still interested. We're so excited. The response has been huge and we're really pumped. We've got over 50 couples signed up to run with us for the next six weeks. It starts next Tuesday, the 9th of January, so this would kind of be the last call if anybody out there is on the fence. We're going to be closing up registration here this week in order to be completely ready to rock and roll on Tuesday. But we have a marriage intensive that starts and if you've been married at any length of time and you're looking to just solidify some foundations and grow and build on your connection in marriage, then we'd invite you to join us. It's exciting. You can go to jasonandlaurenvaledtoncom to learn more.
Speaker 1:Listen, this is the time for action, not procrastination. That is right so for reals, if you're thinking, my big obstacle in my marriage is I don't know how. I don't know where to go to actually grow our marriage practically every single week, that's it. Yeah, all right y'all. Hopefully you enjoyed this podcast episode. If you liked it, share it with a friend. Share it with your friend group that you're going to set up these plans with. Otherwise, have an incredible week. We will see you next time. Bye, bye, nothing.