Dates, Mates and Babies with the Vallottons
We’re the Vallottons, and we’re passionate about people! Every human was created for fulfilling connections in relationship and family, but it’s not always what comes easiest! We know this because of our wide range of personal experiences as well as years of working with people. So we’re going to crack open topics like dating, marriage, family and parenting to encourage, entertain and equip you for a deeply fulfilling life of relational health.
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Dates, Mates and Babies with the Vallottons
89. Faith & Resilience with Dru Hammer
Have you ever wondered how faith can transform your life and relationships? In this special episode, the Vallotton’s are honored to be joined by Dru Hammer, an extraordinary woman whose journey of faith and resilience shines through in every aspect of her life.
Dru Hammer, originally from Tulsa, Oklahoma, shares the profound spiritual awakening of her father, which is captured in her book Hammered. Her story reveals the power of faith to transform individuals and families, especially in times of hardship. From navigating divorce and infidelity to finding peace and healing through a spiritual pilgrimage to Israel, Dru's journey of forgiveness, resilience, and the divine guidance that shaped her path offers hope to anyone facing life's struggles.
One of the most powerful moments in this episode is when Dru talks about a heart-shaped stone she found on her trip to Israel, symbolizing renewed hope and God's ever-present love. She emphasizes the importance of surrounding oneself with supportive friends, spiritual leaders, and immersing in Biblical teachings to find strength during life's darkest moments.
Parenting and personal growth also take center stage as Dru shares her experiences raising children with strong faith-based values in a world that increasingly questions religion. She opens up about her son Armie's journey from deep church involvement to questioning his faith, and the challenges she faced as a single parent post-divorce. Her volunteer work at the Los Angeles Dream Center adds another layer to her story, revealing how helping others in recovery led to her own unexpected spiritual growth and support.
This heartfelt episode closes with Dru's inspiring message about the importance of faith, resilience, and never giving up, no matter the challenges. Whether you're seeking solace, direction, or simply want to hear an incredible story of hope, this episode is a testament to the power of faith to heal and transform.
Tune in for a conversation full of wisdom, faith, and the reminder that you are never alone in your journey.
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We're the valetins and we are passionate about people.
Speaker 1:Every human was created for fulfilling relational connection.
Speaker 2:But that's not always what comes easiest.
Speaker 1:We know this because of our wide range of personal experience, as well as our years of working with people.
Speaker 2:So we're going to crack open topics like dating, marriage, family and parenting to encourage, entertain and equip you for a deeply fulfilling life of relational health. Hey everybody, we have such an exciting announcement today we are launching our Marriage Intensive registration today. We are really excited about it. It's six weeks long and this Marriage Intensive is for married couples that have been together for any length of time, newlyweds, to have been married forever and have already raised kids.
Speaker 2:Whatever the case might be, maybe you're living with some bad habits that have led to disconnection. Maybe you need to brush up on your communication or conflict resolution skills. Maybe you're just feeling stuck in some areas. Or maybe you're just looking to build some foundational elements into your marriage connection that helps strengthen things as you raise a family together or grow old together. Whatever the situation might be, we trust that this marriage intensive will help you build a more thriving marriage connection. We're excited to offer it to you and you can visit jasonandlaurenvalatoncom to get more details and information and to register. You can also look for the link in the bio. But very excited to announce this to our podcast listeners first.
Speaker 1:All right, everyone, welcome back to the Brave Co podcast, and this week we have a unique podcast because I am also here with my wife, lauren, and we're just doing a collaboration. Today we have a really incredible guest on with us. Her name is Drew Hammer and we're going to hear about Drew's life yeah, just her unique story of raising kids and marriage and business and all the things that she's been through. And honestly, she has such a unique story and I only know that not because I've dug into her whole story, but my good friend, tim Papadik, said you have to have Drew on, she's incredible, her story is going to blow you out of the water and so, honestly, I didn't even dig into her story. I was like, okay, here we go, I'm just going to have Lauren come with me and then we'll do this interview together and dive into Drew's story. So, drew, thank you so much for carving out the time to come on today.
Speaker 3:We really appreciate it. Well, thank you for having me. And that intro. It's a lot of pressure. I don't know if I'm that interesting, but I'll tell you what. God is faithful and he is that interesting.
Speaker 1:Yeah well, I think Tim doesn't usually steer me wrong. So I'm excited for the podcast, I'm excited to have you on this morning and you've written a book that we're going to talk quite a bit about today called Hammered. We're going to talk quite a bit about today called Hammered, and Drew, like, take me back to a little bit about where you were raised and then why you wrote the book Hammered, and take us into kind of your story.
Speaker 3:Okay, well, I was raised in Tulsa, oklahoma, in the buckle of the Bible Belt, as I say. But both of my parents were actually raised extremely poor. My mother's father died when she was in the eighth grade from alcoholism. So there was just a lot of broken dreams on both sides of the family. And my dad was extremely driven and he said I will never raise my children like I was raised, where every year we could have one pair of shoes and his father walked four miles to work and four miles back, the whole thing. But he became very driven to the exclusion of his family and he didn't have peace because he did not know the Lord.
Speaker 3:And in Tulsa he was invited to a lunch with some other businessmen and they were believers and he said they all joined hands at the dinner table or lunch table, I should say and prayed. And he goes I was so embarrassed, I mean I'd never held hands with men and prayed at a lunch table. I mean I'd never held hands with men and prayed at a lunch table, he said. But afterwards he was watching them and that shows us how important our lives are, how we live our lives, because you know we may not speak to people, but they can look at us and watch us. So my dad was watching them and he said, drew, they had a piece that I didn't have because he was a complete workaholic, to the exclusion of his family, and he kept setting goals for himself and reaching the goals. And then he said I'd get there and I wasn't satisfied. So I'd make bigger goals and I would get there, and I wasn't satisfied. So he called these men and he said will you have lunch with me, because you have something? I wasn't satisfied. So he called these men and he said well, you have lunch with me because you have something I don't have. And they shared Jesus with him and he knelt down right there at the man's office and invited Christ into his life and it truly changed his entire life from then on. And I just think what a blessing that my dad took it and ran, because how many people just walk through the walk, they go through the motions, they go to church once a week.
Speaker 3:But it became so pinnacle in our family that they started having prayer meetings and Bible studies in our home and my parents were filled with the Holy Spirit and I remember they would pray in tongues. And I would be up in my bedroom, which is above the living room, and I would hear all these adults worshiping the Lord and praying in tongues. And I remember laying in bed, going. I think there's angels in our home. It was just so beautiful to me as a child.
Speaker 3:And so, anyway, what happened is one of the men in my dad's prayer group. He was a pilot for an airline and he said all I ever wanted to do my whole life was be a pilot. But he had to have this major surgery and if he had to have the surgery he could no longer fly, he would have a desk job. And he called my dad and he said you know, you're the leader of this group and my dad was mentored with Kenneth Hagan. And he said well, I've never seen a supernatural healing when I've prayed for someone, but all I know is I trust God and I take him at his word. So I'm going to come up and I'm going to lay hands on you and I'm going to pray for Jesus to heal you. So he went up to the hospital, he prayed for him and he said the moment he prayed, it was like electricity went through his body. And he said, ron, what happened to you? And he said I felt this heat go through my body and he said I think Jesus healed you.
Speaker 3:So the next or that night my dad got back in his car and he said the Holy Spirit completely enveloped him and said Doug, I'm going to call you into a healing ministry, and it's not you healing, but it's me. Lay hands on the sick and they will recover. So my dad immediately made a deal with God and he said God, if you bless my businesses, I will never ask for a dime. And there's nothing wrong. I mean, labor is worthy of his wages and God wants us to bless ministers.
Speaker 3:But this was how my dad felt it should be in his life, because he still was a businessman and he developed land until he was 86 years old and just passed away two years ago. But he said, god, if you bless my businesses and I can pay for every dime, I'll go wherever you want me to go. And that next week two men came in and bought two of his banks and he put the money in a foundation. And for 45 years my dad continued putting money into his foundation and we traveled all over the world and my dad set up healing ministries. Not very many people heard of him because he was a very humble man. He never wanted to know. People in Tulsa didn't even really know, what all he was doing.
Speaker 3:But I'll never forget I was a senior in high school when he was called into this ministry and it was on the front page of the Tulsa World saying Tulsa banker sells downtown bank and goes into a healing ministry. Well, even in the buckle of the Bible belt, all of a sudden you're weird to people and I went from being homecoming queen to nobody talking to me and that's a very absorbed time of life. So I was like, well, wait a minute, god, couldn't you have done it in one more year when I was in college, and I wouldn't have to face this? I mean, how self-absorbed is that? But that was actually a very pinnacle time in my life because back then it was the white pages.
Speaker 3:So people started calling our home to have my dad come pray for them, and one woman she had stage four cancer and she said will you come and pray for me? And my mother wanted to stay home and help my younger sister with their homework. But God orchestrated this. So my dad said, drew, will you come, go with me? So I went and we drove out to this old, broken down trailer park and she lived in this old trailer. She weighed probably 80 pounds. I remember walking in thinking, wow, it smells like death. And I didn't know what death smelled like, I just innately knew. And she didn't have a hair on her head, she was completely gray and you could tell she was very close to death. And my dad said do you believe in Jesus as your Savior? Because that's your first miracle and that's eternal. And she said yes. He said do you believe Jesus can heal you? And she said I think I do. So. My dad laid hands on her and prayed for her and I literally saw her hair grow out of her head in front of my eyes. And the Holy Spirit spoke to me and said Drew, I'm going to take you into a very big world. Don't ever deny my power. Now I'm a senior in high school. So when he said I'm going to take you into this big world, I had no idea what he was talking about. But that was a pinnacle point in my life, because once you've seen that, there's no turning back. And I told my dad, I go, you are such a fun sucker. I went on to college and I couldn't even rebel, because when you've seen such miracles like that, there's no turning back and nothing matters anymore.
Speaker 3:So a year out of college. I am flying on an airplane. I'm coming back from a mixed doubles tennis tournament. We lost in the semifinals, so we ended up taking an earlier flight back and my husband walked on the plane and the Lord spoke to me and said that's the man you're going to marry.
Speaker 3:Well, at first instinct was like, well, way to go, god, he's good looking. Well, first instinct was like, well, way to go, god, he's good looking. And I had no idea who he was. I didn't know anything and he came up to me afterwards and said could I take you to lunch? And I said yes. So we went to lunch the next day and I found out that he was Dr Armin Hammer's only grandson. Armin had one child and then Julian. His son had Michael and then his sister Casey. And after he had gone to Columbia, his grandfather sent him on a two-year program around the world to learn all the different offices, because he had started Occidental Petroleum and when he started it in the 20s, it had three employees and he bought it for $150,000 out of retirement and had never seen an oil rig in his life. So he had his chauffeur drive him out to Bakersfield to see what an oil rig looked like. I mean, the whole thing is just so crazy.
Speaker 3:But anyway, the first day we went to lunch, people will tell you about me. Well, if you meet Drew Hammer, within five minutes you're going to hear about Jesus, because basically nothing else matters to me. I mean great, you travel, you have a great life, but it all comes down to Jesus to me because of my incredible background. So anyway, I start telling him about Jesus and he said wow. He said my grandmother was a Russian baroness and she was a very famous theater star. She was like the Betty Grable of Russia and my grandfather saw her on stage and fell in love with her and married her. And she was a Russian Orthodox. And Armand's family they were Russian Jews, but Armand wasn't religious, it was just a heritage to him. So they got married.
Speaker 3:And Michael said when I was a child, I used to go see her in her home in Newport or I think it was Laguna Beach. And he said, literally my grandmother had crucifixes all around the house and she would talk to me about God and we would get on our knees and pray at night. And he said that was the only place in my life that I ever felt safe. So it was so easy for him to come into a faith of Jesus because A he had lived that wild California surfer life and then worked on Wall Street and that crazy life with cocaine and alcohol and the whole thing and he realized that did not fill his void.
Speaker 3:So I brought him home to my dad and my dad led him to Christ and he was filled with the Holy Spirit. And I do have one regret I wish I knew then what I know now, because I was 23, grew up Pentecostal and I thought well, you know, if you have problems you just go to church and get prayed for. But he had deep inner problems because he was sexually and physically abused as a child and I didn't have enough knowledge to know that we should have been in years of Christian counseling Because back then, you know, 35, 40 years ago, you just swept things under the carpet and went to church.
Speaker 3:And you just prayed about it. And, by the way, jesus is our healer. He's our only healer, but sometimes you need therapy to get it out, to actually deal with it, and I didn't know that. So, anyways, we were, I thought, happily married. I tell everybody I had a 25-year fabulous marriage. He just happened to have a better time than I did Not really, that's a joke, but we ended up getting a divorce 14 years ago and it honestly broke my heart.
Speaker 1:True. How come you got a divorce? What led up to that?
Speaker 3:Yeah, Well, seven years into the marriage again, I look back now and I believe that women helped fill his self-esteem because we never dealt with the sexual and all the abuse from his child. His father was also very verbally and physically abusive to him. I guess, being Dr Armand Hammer's only son, it comes with a lot of pressure and he was an alcoholic and he was addicted to prescription pills and I remember going to his house and he had rooms of pornography and I was like I didn't even know people like that even existed. But my dad actually led him to Christ before he died and when he died he died with a Bible on his lap. He was reading the Bible in bed and that's why God sent me into that family and I'll get to that.
Speaker 3:But to answer your question, jason, there were infidelities seven years into our marriage and I believe in forgiveness. My children were five and three. I wanted them to be raised with the father in the home and I loved him and I believe in forgiveness. So we went to counseling for a little bit. So we went to counseling for a little bit and I forgave him and I felt there was true repentance then and, as we know, repentance is 180 degree turn. But 19 years later I found out that he was also involved in infidelities, but this time he wasn't repentant. And I always say but I have to say this too I was actually a little arrogant about when people got divorced because I was like, oh, just work it out. I mean, you've got grown kids, you've got grandchildren together, work it out, there's nothing too big that God can't handle. But what I didn't realize is it takes two to tango. And this time he was so wrapped up in an affair that there was no repentance. And I knew that I had to get out, because, well, in my book it describes more in detail, but we probably wouldn't have time this morning.
Speaker 3:But after I got a divorce I was so broken I mean, I was broken and I dropped 20 pounds, my hair fell out, my entire top of my hair went gray and my skin was gray. Stress does terrible things to you. And one of my best friends, kathy Lee Gifford, said we're going to Israel. You need to walk where Jesus walked. So when my divorce was finalized, we went to Israel and I was like a Stepford wife, I mean, I was just walking around with no emotion. And I believe what happened is I was so hurt that I just allowed my emotions to just shut down. I blocked it out. And I will say that during my divorce I didn't know what to do with myself and I kind of became Forrest Gump.
Speaker 3:And I have to tell you, bethel, bill Johnson, and I remember listening to your father, chris, it was just the only thing I could do. I would walk for hours a day and just envelop myself with the word of God, because I couldn't even really read the Bible. I was just my mind was just gone at the time and I would just walk and just cry out to God. So your ministry was a huge part of my healing and I'm so grateful for that. And it's interesting because people say, oh, you know the internet. They thought, oh, the devil's coming and there's pornography and sex trafficking. Well, there is, but also what a harvest of amazing teachings from incredible men and women of God. And that's what really really got me through. I would just spend hours in the Lord just listening to you know, bill, and your dad in several other ministries and really filling, just filling my inner man with the word of God.
Speaker 3:But I went to Israel and I was so broken that I walked around like a Stepford wife because I just had no emotion, no feeling, because I just shut everything down. And I'm standing in Caesarea, where Paul stood trial before King Herod for preaching the gospel, and I look down and I see this stone and it was in the shape of a heart, but not a commercial heart. It looked like a jeweler had hammered this heart. And I picked it up and I honestly had a God moment. It was like the Holy Spirit just poured warm oil down my body and he spoke to me as I'm holding this stone. He said, drew, I'm going to take your heart of stone and I'm going to turn it to flesh and I'm going to heal your heart. And I mean, the floodgates just opened and I just began weeping and at that moment I thought I'm going to be okay.
Speaker 3:I didn't know I was going to be okay before because I was just fighting and it's hard to forgive when you're going through divorce because you're constantly getting beaten down. And I was so hoodwinked I signed a lot of documents I had no idea I signed. And I went to my mediation and they're like was that your hand signature? And I was like looks like it. And they said well, do you know what those documents are. I go, absolutely not. They said well, why would you sign documents you don't read? I go because my mother could trust my father. It's all I've ever known. And why would I be married to a man I didn't trust? That's ridiculous. I've never checked his phone, nothing. I never thought I had a reason.
Speaker 3:And it's interesting because when I walked out of my divorce proceeding and I was so hoodwinked and and I thought, god, how did this happen to me? How did I get here? And immediately the Lord spoke to me as clearly as I've ever heard from him and he said, drew, that man has never been your source. I'm your source and I restore all. And I stood in that elevator and I said you know what? God? Let's do this because you are going to turn beauty to ashes. I mean ashes to beauty, excuse me, and I know you have a plan for my life and let's get on with it. And, thank God, I had a career where I've renovated 42 homes. I'd renovated 27 at the time.
Speaker 3:But God, and you know, in my book, I think the important things I hope to take away is A Jesus is faithful. Even when people fail you, god doesn't fail you. He is faithful and he wants to be your best friend, your savior, your comforter. And I remember I hadn't slept for months and I prayed one night and they came to me. God said go around and anoint the house.
Speaker 3:So I took olive oil and I went around and I anointed the entire house, every window, every doorway, because I was living in Beverly Hills up in the hills and there's not many lights and I thought if my alarm went off in the middle of the night, that will freak me out and I refused to be afraid. You know when God says, do not be afraid, I take him very seriously. So I went around and anointed every doorway and window and I said you know what Jesus, you're my husband. Now you are responsible for me. And one thing I know you are my comforter, my safety, my provider. You're everything to me, my safety, my provider, you're everything to me.
Speaker 3:And I hadn't slept in years because I think my inner man, my spirit man, knew that there was something going on in our marriage that my physical mind did not catch up with yet and I think I wasn't sleeping because of that. There was inner turmoil, but I didn't know the reason for it. And that night after I went around and anointed my whole house, I slept 14 hours and I can say today, 14 years later, I have never missed a night's sleep from worry or anything. Occasionally the Lord wakes me up in the middle of the night because he knows I'm very ADD and I'm very driven and I'm running and doing a million different things, and he wakes me up because that's when he could truly speak to me.
Speaker 3:But I just want women to know that A if you live a life of unforgiveness, it doesn't hurt the other person, it will eat you alive. I meet women all the time 20 years, 15 years after divorce, 10 years and they are eaten up with bitterness. It's just eating them alive and I hope this book really teaches women to let it go and give it to God, because he is so faithful and he has such a tremendous life for us. You know your life doesn't end in divorce. It's the beginning, because now you're married to Jesus and now you get to do His work and, you know, live in His will. And I honestly can say I haven't been lonely one day after God healed my heart there in Jerusalem, in Caesarea. It's miraculous.
Speaker 2:It's totally miraculous. Well, drew, that is a wild story and relatable. I mean, so many people, sadly, so many people, have walked through divorce, so many people are single parents raising children and trying to figure it all out, and I think with that, intimacy with God is our ultimate foundation. Then we do have a hope at doing that well and thriving inside of a really hard less than amazing circumstance.
Speaker 2:But tell us a little bit about raising your boys in the middle of a marriage where you'd had multiple disappointments in a row, kind of caught off guard by the second one working through it. What was it like for you to raise children in that, and how did you? In the middle of that chaos, how did you stay focused as a mom? That's such a hard thing to do. What was that part of your journey like?
Speaker 3:I kind of laugh because I tell everyone that my son, armie, got every ounce of his acting ability from me, because when I found out about the infidelity, seven year in, I did not tell one person. I didn't tell my parents, I didn't tell my sisters because I knew they would forgive, because they've taught me that my entire life. But they may not ever forget and I wanted a life with my husband and I didn't want that out there. So when I forgave, it was over in my mind and I continued my life. And, by the way, I am not a popular mom and I tell my sons I don't read Retirement in the Bible and I'm sure we'll get to the whole cancel culture and all the crazy stuff that happened in our family. But I said, if you think for one minute that I'm going to call you up and say, oh, let's throw it out to the universe, I'm thinking positive thoughts, I go. That's not getting you anywhere. So you can imagine when Armie gets on Jimmy Kimmel and he goes my mom is going to hate this story. Oh, goes, my mom is going to hate this story. Oh, I called him immediately. You're right, I hate that story. I did not raise you that way. I raised you on the word of God. I mean, I am not a popular mom and I am not going to tell them what they want to hear.
Speaker 3:We raised our children in the ways of the Lord and at 14, you think you're doing everything right as a parent. We were very involved in the Malibu Vineyard and it was Army's life. We had just moved back from the Caymans and we would go pick our kids up from youth group and he would have his hands raised, praying in tongues, worshiping the Lord, and I was like, oh God, that's all I want in life, being the Lord. And I was like, oh God, that's all I want in life. That's so beautiful. And then one day he says I'm not going back. And this is another lesson that I would love to have a platform for, because I think there is a serious problem with molestation in this world today. I mean, we live in a very dark world.
Speaker 3:And when he told us he didn't want to go back, we found out he said well, you know, mark, the youth pastor has been inappropriate. He goes. But, mom, don't worry, nothing happened. I stopped it. Well, what I didn't realize is children, they can blame their self, they think it's their fault and he wasn't lying to be lying. He was lying because he was embarrassed and he felt like it was his fault. So I was not nearly as proactive as I should have been in his healing. And then, years later, he said to me as I should have been in his healing. And then years later he said to me but mom, you should know, even if they don't do anything, a person in authority in a church, if he even tries something that messes a child up, and I was like you're so right, oh my gosh. And I'm so mortified that I didn't get that as much at the time. I mean, we sent him to Christian counseling and he said, mom, I didn't get that as much at the time. I mean, we sent him to Christian counseling and he said, mom, I don't need to go back. Nothing happened.
Speaker 3:But at that point, that's when he started questioning God, because my children were raised in a, you know, spirit-filled church and we thought we were doing everything we were supposed to do right. But you know, god never puts anything bad on us, as we all know. But things happen and God can use it for his glory. So I'm praying, I say to Army well, you know, you literally do not have a chance in hell, because you have the church lady praying for you every single day. I'm on my knees and you're coming back to Jesus. Whether you think you are or not, you're coming back.
Speaker 3:And this is kind of a funny story. So I go down and I'm visiting him in the Caymans where he was living. They recently moved back to LA and my two grandchildren are down there and he kind of had this little should I say a credenza with kind of a shrine, with like this I don't even know how this stuff works, like meditation bowls and all this stuff, if you will. And I kept saying in my mind, because I was staying in his guest bedroom I'm like, don't say a word. He knows how you feel. Just don't say a word.
Speaker 3:He would have put it up if you knew he'd make a big deal. So just don't say anything, don't bite into that. And I was so good until we were leaving for the airport and he's wheeling my suitcase out and it just came over me. I was like, in the mighty name of Jesus, I rebuke you, satan. And I'm like anointing it with oil. And he's just standing there staring at me and I go okay, I'm done. And he said you know, mom, we almost got through this trip unscathed, didn't we? And we just both started laughing and went off to the airport. And I thought he knows how I believe, started laughing and went off to the airport, and I thought he knows how I believe I'm not ever gonna pretend anything.
Speaker 1:Are you kidding? True, did, did um. Was that journey from you know him being 14 years old, on? Like, were you able to to really help him through that? Or what did that look like as far as him growing up in the home? And um, yeah, how did that affect him?
Speaker 3:well, um, I think, when you're young, you can blame god yeah I don't know, I don't think everybody does, but I think he saw that is. You know, if this is christianity, I don't want a thing to do with that type of deal.
Speaker 3:And then, on top of that, you know, have he actually told me when he was 10? We were living in the cayman Islands and he goes mom, I'm going to be an actor when I grow up and I'm like, being the ever encouraging mother that I am, I'm like I hate Hollywood, I hate their politics, I hate their liberalism, I hate their morals. I go, you don't want to do that. You know, being the ever encouraging mother that I am. But I told him, I said, okay, but I'll pray, and if this is God, then I'm all for it. But just to want to be an actor, what does that even mean? So I prayed and he wanted to go on auditions. And I took him on a few auditions and I thought I am not going to be one of these weird stage moms that live vicariously through their children. So we told them, michael, and I made an agreement you need to have a normal childhood, if anybody knows what that is these days. And when you get your driver's license, if this is something you still want to do, you can drive yourself to auditions and we will support you. And you know, if you want to take acting lessons, whatever. And I'm thinking well, this is a pretty safe bet because you go on auditions and there's a million rejections and you know how it is. You beat the pavement for years in that industry.
Speaker 3:Well, he did not lose interest and he booked a role on Gossip Girls and he was going to school at UCLA. Because we told him you know, you've got to have a backup plan, you have to have a plan B. You know how. You just want to protect your children and he's like Mom, I don't want to go to college. I'm wasting four years that I could be pursuing acting and he's actually brilliant. I'm not saying it because he's my son. I'm saying four years that I could be pursuing acting and he's actually brilliant. And I'm not saying it because he's my son. I'm saying it because he got the hammer side of the jeans. I'm just scrappy and both my sons are like crazy weird. You know photographic memories, the whole thing. Praise God it's a gift which I didn't get. I always tell everybody I went to Oklahoma State University and got a political science degree and have no idea how the electoral college works.
Speaker 1:So there you go.
Speaker 3:So he booked Gossip Girl, dropped out of school because it was filmed in New York. He was on like six or eight series, I can't remember. And I started praying and I was like, oh man, this idea might've failed on me. So I said, God, if this is you, you've got to give me a sign. And do you know what? The first movie he booked? He played Billy Graham.
Speaker 3:It was a movie that they show all over in youth groups. It was a small, independent movie. It was not a huge production, but it was so crazy. He looked like the young Billy Graham and it's called Billy the Early Years and we all flew out to Nashville where it was being filmed and my parents as well and we're sitting in a little church where they're filming a scene of one of his first sermons that Billy Graham gave right after he went to Bible college. And he gives this sermon and puts his arms out and says give your life to Christ. Well, I was a disaster at that point, because here my son is having an altar call in a movie and I'm like, okay, god, I won't fight this anymore, I let it go, he's yours. Wow, that's awesome.
Speaker 3:And then his career basically took off from there because he won Social Network playing both Winklevoss twins and was his big first, you know commercial big break that he got. And then the rest is history, wow.
Speaker 1:And then the crash that's wild, you know, um, it's so hard. It's so hard to raise kids and you can. You can do all the things that you know to do as a parent and still you know there's so much out of your control. I mean, I went through a divorce in 2007 and there's infidelity as well, Um, and so I raised kids on my own uh, from, basically.
Speaker 3:Well, it looks like you better deal to me.
Speaker 1:I gotta say yeah, she's pretty incredible way to go.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she's incredible it's fabulous she is so fabulous we're definitely doing our best yeah that's for sure yeah, and you know, yeah, so we I raised kids on my own from 2007, basically to 2011, when we got married, and I always say, like man, being a single, single parent has got to be the toughest job in the world. Right, because there's more to do than you can possibly do in a day and, honestly, most of it's single moms. So many single moms are trying to do the job of two people, trying to bring in the income of two people, trying to meet the emotional needs of two people, and you just can't do it. People trying to meet the emotional needs of two people, and you just can't do it. And then you know, when Lauren and I got married, we were, of course, co-parenting with my ex-wife and and you do the best you can with your kids, but there's there's so much pain that's induced and then, on top of that, just doesn't matter if you grew up in a perfect home or if you know you grew up in a home where there's lots of troubles.
Speaker 1:Kids still get to make their own decisions and they still have to make their own choices and, as a parent, there's so much pressure which there should be to get your kids on the right path and, at the same time, there does come a point when I can no longer even in a healthy way, like I would say, my two-year-old son. I control most of his day, I control my four-year-old, I control her day, I control her life. But there comes a point when you can no longer really control their life and even I think there's so much guilt as a parent too, like when I went through my divorce. I mean there's just so much guilt for all the pain that was induced on my kids and not knowing necessarily, like fully, how to walk them through all of that, that Having to rely on, honestly, that God's going to do something that I can't actually do, that he's going to take away pain that I caused, whether knowingly or unknowingly. You know, like you talked about your son being molested by his youth pastor or sexually abused by his youth pastor and you not necessarily knowing how to help him through that or that.
Speaker 1:You should have, like so many parents are in that, that predicament of man. If I could go back and do something different. But having to learn really one how to trust God to and how to forgive yourself and then how to move on, is such a challenging thing. How did you do that Like how have you done that since your divorce and how did you walk through? Like rebuilding your life and getting to a place where you could reconcile inside of you like the shame of maybe not doing what you wish you could now do and, at the same time, like still moving forward.
Speaker 3:Well, I think we all have, you know, coulda, shoulda, woulda mentality sometimes. But I think one major thing that really helped me during my divorce is I had volunteered at the Los Angeles Dream Center for 10 years before that and I was just so taken by their program bringing in women off the streets and out of prostitution and human trafficking before people, even really before it was the big. You know, ministry is human trafficking and you know drug addiction, alcoholism, and I thank God that I never had to deal with any of those. So I kept going well, god, why'd you put me there? But I grew so much during that time before my divorce that the Lord said to me you're not getting out of this when I was going through my divorce, because I'm like, oh, I'm busy and I'm wounded and I don't think I can do this. And God's like absolutely not, you're not getting out of this because those women rely on you. And I'm like but God, I don't have anything to give them right now. I'm so broken. And he says you show up and I'll do it.
Speaker 3:So I just kept driving into downtown LA to the Dream Center and I would minister to the women. I would take them out. Once a week. I would go love on them, I'd throw birthday parties for them, I would mentor them, and they changed my life at that time. It's so interesting how you have to put your words to action, because all that time I was the one saying, okay, you all have to forgive, and even though they don't deserve it, you know you're a perpetrator. It'll eat you alive if you don't. And all of a sudden I'm going through divorce and they're saying that to me. Well, drew, have you been able to forgive your husband? And I'm like, oh my gosh, have tables turned on me? But I just kept showing up and kept ministering to them. And one day it was after a big mediation that we had had because we didn't want to go to court because the Hammer name is well-known in LA.
Speaker 3:There's a museum there, yada, yada, and they would go oh Drew, we were praying for you, how was your court date? And I'm like, go, oh Drew, we were praying for you, how was your court date? And I'm like, wait a minute, you're sleeping on bunk beds. You came in here with literally the clothes on your back and you were given toothbrushes and toiletries and you had to kick addictions and all the other pain you've gone through and you're praying for me. So I always tell women going through the divorce the greatest thing you could ever do is to go out and help others less fortunate than you, because there's always people who have gone through worse situations than you have.
Speaker 3:But you also, like I said, I dug in to the word. I would walk hours a day because it was hard for me to sit in this big house by myself, because I liken it from it going from a home to a soul without, I mean a body, without a spirit anymore. It was just this empty shell. And I remember walking around this gorgeous areas in Beverly Hills going, wow God, I wonder how many women live around me that are every bit as miserable as I am right now. On the outside it looks like you have everything, but if you don't have Jesus you have nothing.
Speaker 3:And it's funny because I used to always go around. You know, I believe in bloom where you're planted and God thrust me in the Hammer family and they were all Russian Jews. It's funny because I used to always go around. You know, I believe in bloom where you're planted and God thrust me in the Hammer family and they were all Russian Jews. So I just started ministering to them and you know thinking they probably think I'm crazy and kind of. A great story about that is I used to witness to Dr Armand Hammer all the time and when I married into the family, he was an 85-year-old Russian Jew and I mean, all I know is if he doesn't have Jesus, he doesn't have anything. So I bought him a Bible and I went and I underlined Isaiah 53 and Daniel and all the prophets and all the prophetic words about the coming Messiah and how Jesus fulfilled every one of those. So I gave him the Bible. My dad gave him the book Mere Christianity by CS.
Speaker 3:Lewis and we would just witness to him. Every Sunday he was in town he would come to our home. I would invite him over to have Sunday supper with us, family style, because he didn't even know what a family was. He was such a workaholic. You don't accomplish what Armand Hammer accomplished and be home at five o'clock to go to your son's baseball games. Something's got to give. So I thought well, armand, every Sunday you're in town, I want you to come to our home and spend time with your great-grandchildren. So I would always talk to him about Jesus and he never responded. He would just kind of look at me and I got to know him so well that I knew when he was listening and when it was time to quit. So I'd get my little plug in. And again, he never responded to me. I didn't know if he ever opened the Bible. I didn't know if he ever opened the Bible. I didn't know if he ever read the book. I didn't know if he had any intentions of thinking maybe Jesus was the Messiah. And when his wife died he was 91 and a half years old and he called me and he said hey, drew. He said, will you get your dad to fly out and will you come see me tomorrow? I go, of course I go. Will you get your dad to fly out? And will you come see me tomorrow? I go, of course I go, are you okay? He goes. You have something I don't have and I need it. And I said well, armand, the only thing I have that you don't have is Jesus as my Messiah. And he said yes, I know that. And he said will you come to my house?
Speaker 3:So Michael and my dad and I went to his home and we shared the plan of salvation. We took his hand and we got in a circle in his living room and we prayed the sinner's prayer with him and he invited Jesus, yeshua, to be his Messiah and he began weeping and I said well, armand. Afterwards we said what happened to you? And he said God gave me a vision. Wow. I said what was that? He said and this is all in my book. He said I saw this golden staircase and his wife, Frances, was Catholic but knew Jesus intimately because we used to always talk about the Lord together. He said I saw this golden staircase and he said Jesus and Frances were standing at the top and I was halfway up. I was halfway there and he died. He had cancer. We came to find out later and after that he went into a coma within two months of accepting Jesus and he died four months later.
Speaker 3:But here's the miraculous thing. I kept praying God, just give me a sign that he really got it, because it's not like I was going to get him to come to my little Pentecostal church. You know, to learn and grow. And he called me about a week later. He says you know that book you gave me by Clive. And I was like I don't know a Clive. He goes yes, you do. You gave me his book. And I go no, I really don't. And he said you know CS Lewis, I go, clive. He goes yeah, clive, I go, you knew him. He goes yes, we would sit at Oxford together and we would pontificate about life and everything.
Speaker 3:I go, you've got to be kidding me, of course. He never said anything to me. And he goes would you do me a favor and get me a dozen copies? I want to give them out to my rabbis. And I said now you're becoming an evangelist, rabbis. And I said now you're becoming an evangelist.
Speaker 3:So that's another thing in my book is I'm like don't ever give up. Everybody needs Jesus, everybody. You can have everything in the world, but you have nothing if you don't have your Messiah. So you know, that's why, after I mean I'm just incorrigible I go around telling everybody about Jesus. I got to share Christ with Princess Di, with Gorbachev, with you know, I have so many stories in my book and I'm not name dropping. It's just how God put me in that world for a reason, and that was because I probably at the time I was 24 years old when I married into the family, and you know there wasn't Google then I probably didn't even understand who he really was. I had a glimpse, but you know I didn't really know. So I just talked to everybody about Jesus. Yes, goodness.
Speaker 2:Well, drew, and I'm I'm hearing your story and I'm I'm listening and I'm putting myself in the shoes of people who frequently listen to the braveco podcast and the dates mates and babies with the valetins podcast, and what I hear is so much but just a a beautiful woman who has walked through many seasons of life already, and your story to me speaks of the harsh reality, honestly, that we're all in, which is life is actually really challenging and family is messy and you don't necessarily get to choose where you come from or what circumstances you find yourself in. Sometimes we even make choices that put us in circumstances that you know hindsight, we actually may have chosen differently had we known the outcome, then you know. But we find ourselves in the middle of the mess of life and truly, truly, with so much outside of our control. The only thing we really have control over is how we show up and who we show up with.
Speaker 2:And as I'm hearing your story, I'm just encouraged and reminded that, ultimately, it's the faithfulness of God in our lives to pull us through and to equip us and grace us with everything we need for those very unforeseen circumstances and so many things that are beyond our control. And so as I hear just the radical, faith-filled life that you have lived inside of a wild set of circumstances. I'm just encouraged by your faith and your faithfulness and, if there's any takeaway, I feel confident to know that every listener is going to be so encouraged to hear how you have stuck to your guns in the realm of faith and how you have never wavered, and how you have found a best friend in Jesus and that he has graced you with favor and access and opportunity. But that's so second as I'm hearing you speak. It's so second to the actual ministry of the Lord that you are passionate about, and so thank you for the way that you've chosen to live, thank you for sharing your story with us and for encouraging everybody listening. Yeah, it's very powerful. Thank you so much.
Speaker 3:Well, thank you. And really, you know, do we really have a choice? And I can sum it up in this one little story is way before I went through my divorce I met this young woman with two little babies and she was just frail and basically looked like I did going through divorce. I call it the great divorce diet. And you know, I said, well, do you know what's going on in your life? And she said well, you know, told me her whole story. Her name was Laura and she's become such a dear friend. And I said well, do you know Jesus? And she goes no, I'm Unitarian and you know I've never been. I don't believe in all that stuff. I go.
Speaker 3:Well, I think you have two choices here. I said you can go through this without Jesus, and I'm pretty sure it will take you down. Or you can go through this with Jesus, and it will still be one of the most difficult things you've ever been through in your entire life. But you will come out and God will restore and she goes. Well, that's not a choice to me.
Speaker 3:The next day I went and got her a Bible and had her name embossed on it and shared Christ with her and took her hand right there at the lunch table and she has faithfully served the Lord ever since that day. So we really have a choice. We can go through it without God and you know it's pretty grim when you look at the world and what happens when people try to do it on their own or you can go through it with Jesus, and we're still going to have tough times. Jesus was persecuted and mocked and ridiculed and crucified, so why would we expect anything differently? But we're going to get through without the smell of smoke on us, and that's the beauty. So I really didn't have a choice because I know the faithfulness of God. I've seen it my entire life. So there's no choice.
Speaker 1:Well, you're such an incredible example of what it looks like to walk through really hard times and to allow God to take those ashes and turn them into beauty, and it's just such a great example for us. Drew, would you pray for everyone?
Speaker 3:Yes, I would love that. Thank you, yes, jesus, we come to you right now and first of all, we say thank you because you are a faithful, faithful God and we know that we can turn to you for everything. And if there's anyone out there that's listening right now, if you have never invited Jesus to be the Lord of your life, in the Bible it says now is the hour of salvation, and all you have to do is say, jesus, come into my heart, forgive me for my sins, lord, everything I've done, and wash me as white as snow. And from this day forward, jesus, I will live for you. Thank you, jesus, and I love you.
Speaker 3:Jesus and God, I pray for any broken hearts out there. The name of my book is Hammered, because every heart has been hammered. Every heart has been hammered, even yours was hammered, jesus, by the way. People rejected you and we will be rejected because of you. Yet it's worth it all. So I just pray, god, that anyone that listened to this talk today that if they don't know you, that they took that moment to invite you into their hearts, because we all know that their lives will never be the same from this moment forward. And we love you, jesus, for the sacrifice that you paid on the cross for this miracle right now, the miracle of salvation and eternity in heaven. Plus, we can live in heaven on earth, jesus, and we thank you for that. In Jesus' mighty name, we pray Amen.
Speaker 1:Amen Drew. Thank you again.
Speaker 3:Okay, love you guys already For coming on and listen.
Speaker 1:I want to encourage everyone to go to drewvillecom and pick up her book, check out her resources, see what she has going on. Just an incredible, incredible inspiration, and she's lived such a good life. You've made so many incredible decisions in the midst of pain, and so, yeah, go to drewvillecom check it out, Drew. Thank you again.
Speaker 3:Yes, you can buy it on Amazon as well.
Speaker 1:Okay, great, yeah, thank you Drew. Thank you guys. Have an incredible day. Thank you for having me. I really appreciate it. Okay, great, awesome, thank you, drew. Thank you for having me.
Speaker 3:I really appreciate it. Okay, bye-bye.
Speaker 1:Bye-bye, bye.