Dates, Mates and Babies with the Vallottons
Dates, Mates and Babies with the Vallottons
101. From Hidden Battles to Breakthrough: Winning the Year in Love and Life
What if the greatest battle you’re fighting isn’t with your spouse, your kids, or the world—but with yourself? On this episode, the Vallottons dive into the messiest parts of who we are—the stuff we shove aside but desperately need to face if we want to grow in life, faith, and relationships.
Jason and Lauren explore the significance of identifying your inner conflicts, the impact of your past experiences, and the role of seeking support in overcoming these hidden struggles.
• Discussing personal experiences of battling inner conflicts
• Understanding the significance of self-criticism and shame
• Exploring the concept of the trauma tree and its visualizations
• Identifying signs of an inner battle and unhealthy habits
• The necessity of reaching out for help and building self-awareness
• Sharing strategies for addressing and conquering internal struggles
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We're the valetins and we are passionate about people.
Speaker 1:Every human was created for fulfilling relational connection.
Speaker 2:But that's not always what comes easiest.
Speaker 1:We know this because of our wide range of personal experience, as well as our years of working with people.
Speaker 2:So we're going to crack open topics like dating, marriage, family and parenting to encourage, entertain and equip you for a deeply fulfilling life of relational health.
Speaker 1:Welcome back everyone to Dates, mates and Babies with the Valetins. We are excited to be with you guys for the first time after the holidays.
Speaker 2:Let us be some of the first to tell you here in your podcast world happy new year. It's good to be back. We had a two-week break full of family and food and friends and a lot of gifts and a lot of rainy, cold weather, but we are happy, happy, happy to be back in the studio today talking with you guys.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's been such a great break. We had such a good holiday season and we're really looking forward to what's coming up.
Speaker 2:We are. It's going to be an amazing year. Before we get started with today's topic, we wanted to share something really exciting with you. You know, if you've been listening for any length of time, one of our favorite things to pour our hearts and our energy into um is our marriage intensives, and we have got one coming up on February 10th, so registrations are live and open. You guys have heard us talk so much about how healthy relationships take work and, uh, this intensive is about giving you and your spouse, if you're married, the tools and that space and guidance to go deeper, whether your marriage feels really disconnected and kind of in a tough spot, or whether you're looking to shore up a firm foundation and just build really hardcore, solid for 2025. This is a really good opportunity.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's really cool. You know, I've been working to help people build stronger marriages for 20 years now. It's actually 20 years at Bethel Church this year, babe, which is pretty cool.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And recently I was talking to a couple. They were trying to decide if the marriage intensive was right for them. Yeah, and one of the things that I was sharing with them is basically for the cost of two counseling appointments with me. Our marriage intensive is six weeks, so you can do our six-week course for what it would cost to do two counseling appointments with me. You can.
Speaker 1:Our marriage intensive is six weeks, so you can do our six week course for what it would cost to do two counseling appointments with me. And the course is awesome because you not only get, of course, the content, but the live. You get to ask us any questions that you want. So, as you're going through the marriage intensive, let's say that we're doing the conflict resolution week and if you're having a hard time with a tool or getting hung up in an area, you have the ability to actually talk with us and other couples as well and troubleshoot why is this hard or what's challenging or what do I need to change. And so it's cool because the value of what we're offering, plus being able to ask questions, plus the cheat sheets- and the homework and that is really really cool it is.
Speaker 2:It's honestly, it's our best advice, our absolute best resource for how to, in a six-week period of time, have this like power booster for the start of your new year inside of your marriage yeah, yeah, recently, this last year, I've actually opened up and been doing quite a bit more marriage counseling.
Speaker 1:And it's awesome because what I've done has been like, hey, before I do marriage counseling with you, go and watch these videos and then let's just do one-off appointments to help you, because I already would have to teach the concepts, I'd already have to teach how to do conflict resolution. I'd already have to teach how to do healthy communication or what connection really looks like, or even how to set up and build a vision for your marriage.
Speaker 1:So, anyways, we highly encourage if you want to grow a strong, healthy marriage and man, maybe you've been like, oh, it's been tough or we just want to take it to the next level. Our marriage intensive is definitely the way to start and if you're unsure, if this is right for you, you can book a free 10 minute appointment with me to talk through it and I'll just share and hear where you're at and find out if this is a great fit for you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, go over to Jason and Lauren Vallotton dot com. If you go to the marriage intensive page, you can read all about it how the course is set up, what's offered, what the dates and times are. Of course, if you scroll the very bottom of that page, under where you would register, there is a button that you can click that will take you to a place where you can book a calendly appointment with Jay to have that 10 minute phone call and get all your questions answered. So we would love to talk to you about it, guys. We wanna see 2025. We wanna see some wild testimonies come in in 2025 about marriages that are just going to the next level because of your intentionality and your hard work.
Speaker 1:Yeah, this has been the greatest year. When I look back at 2024, this has been the most breakthrough I've seen in marriages.
Speaker 2:In marriages. Absolutely, it's been awesome. Yeah, all right.
Speaker 1:All right.
Speaker 2:Well, for today's topic, we're excited to jump into some. You know, let's just like, let's just dive in in 2025. Let's talk about all the things because, my gosh, if there's anything that we can take ownership over in our lives in order to make our relationships more meaningful and more powerful and more robust, like what else would God had for us, honestly, I think, this is. These topics we're going to cover this year are going to be so beneficial, and I love what we're talking about today because it's all about addressing ourselves.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I want to talk today. We wanted to talk about this inner battle that we fight and, you know, often when we look at the things around us our kids, our marriages, our jobs, things around us, our kids, our marriages, our jobs, you know, businesses, relationships it's easy to think that the biggest, most challenging battle that we fight is those things, or, but the truth is is like, probably the biggest battle that we fight is within ourselves.
Speaker 2:Totally.
Speaker 1:And we don't often talk about it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, our circumstances are not actually the biggest problem in our life.
Speaker 1:No, and we don't often think about it like that, but the truth is is that we all have this inner battle, and for some people it's it's way more out of control than for others, and you can refer to it as the shadow. You can refer to it as you know, there's a whole bunch of different ways that people talk about this inner conflict that we face, but it's real and it's to me. It's a conglomeration of a few things. It can be your hidden sin. It can be the enemy right, so we know that, like, the enemy can come and he can. He can accuse us. That's actually one of the words and the names for the enemy right Is the, the accuser of the brethren. It can be your unconscious self, so like, for instance, a lot of people have dealt with criticism and shame. It can even be the voice of your parents.
Speaker 1:You don't think about that a lot, but the culture that you grew up in, right, if you grew up in a very critical culture, then you're really prone. Actually, I was praying for a man today. Our church is in the middle of a fast and we all met this morning, 7.30. And I was praying for this guy today and he said, yeah, growing up my dad was just super critical. Today and he said, yeah, growing up my dad was just super critical. And I've just been battling that voice of criticism in my head. But we have these places, in these areas of our life, that if we don't stop and think about it, if we don't stop and open it up, it begins to run our life and overtake our life. And it's this basic idea that, like what, if you don't make the unconscious conscious which this isn't my thought but if you don't make the unconscious conscious, then the unconscious basically runs your life. Yeah, and it's real.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And we can blame it on a whole bunch of things. I could blame it on you, you know, oh, lauren's just so frustrating to be around when she's on her period, or whatever. Or I could blame it on my job, like I don't have enough vision, or my employer isn't, you know, whatever, giving me the opportunities that I need to. You know, whatever giving me the opportunities that I need to. But at the end of the day, if I have a whole inner world going on, that is anything besides faith, hope, peace, love, kindness, gentleness which, by the way, no one just lives in that state forever. But if I don't address those places in my life, then it begins to take over and I find myself in these different depths of despair or acting out in a way that is outside of my character. And so, anyways, we wanted to dive in a little bit and just talk about and open up this topic.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely, and I love that we're bringing it up again, because the truth is that once we are willing to address the parts of ourselves that really keep us stuck and trapped, then there's really no limits on how we can grow and what we can do and build and who we can become. And we are usually our greatest limiting factor in life. You know, history books will show you that circumstances is not what defines people's ability or inability to do something great with their life.
Speaker 2:Because some of the greatest men and women that we've ever learned about, read about, known, have come through significant struggle in order to accomplish what is theirs to accomplish. I think those of us who especially those of us who aren't willing to confront the parts of us that, uh, we don't know what to do with or we don't understand where they come, we came from. Sometimes I think that we even consider those things to be part of our personality, so we give them an excuse like this is just kind of who I am, this is kind of how I am, and I think you know.
Speaker 2:If you're able to identify something, well, I'll say. I'll say this the nature of being deceived is that you don't know you're being deceived. And so in some of these areas, I think it would be worth stopping and saying and praying. You know, if we look at Psalm 139, we we can see that the prayer modeled for us. Search me and know me, god, know my heart, test me, know my anxious thoughts, see if there's any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.
Speaker 2:I think there's a time and a place to actually invite the Holy Spirit to help us see anything that might be hindering us. And in this season of a new start, a fresh beginning, a new year, you know, in one sense the new year is just another day in life, right, nothing's actually profoundly different, other than the entire world is kind of orbiting around this, the grace for a new start, and I'm like, yeah, seize the day, let's not let. Why not let this new calendar year be a real start to a new beginning? And, I think, actually inviting the Holy spirit to shed light on any area, not going on some witch hunt to try to figure out what is all wrong with you. But just that invitation, holy Spirit, I am willing for you to identify for me anything that's keeping me from you and from being the absolute best version of myself. I think that's a very wise thing to pray.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, if I just think about my life and the things that I have, as I've gone through my life, been more prone to, I've struggled with anxiety almost my whole life and we've talked about that quite a bit on here and oftentimes the antidote to my anxiety when I was young would be masturbation or pornography, right, so I'm looking for comfort. I don't know how to communicate that I'm dealing with anxiety. I don't even know how to communicate that I need comfort, and so this anxiety is driving me towards, you know, finding a false solution for the pain and the discomfort that I'm in. And, as I've grown and realized that, man, pornography is not a great option, this driving anxiety and often these fears, the underlying fears that I don't want to talk about, don't want to communicate about, didn't hardly even know they existed honestly have driven me to check out, have driven me to overperform even at my work.
Speaker 1:That was the cause of my first nervous breakdown was just trying to go, go, go, go go, and all the while, like it's not the healthy part of me that's driving, it's not the faith-filled man that God's created me to be. You know man that God's created me to be. It's like I am running from and running towards these things that are unhealthy. I'm running from this anxiety and I'm running towards again, like some of the things that we all want right. Like we all want power, we all want safety. I want recognition, a sense of purpose, which isn't bad, but given the wrong mix, you know the wrong motivation, I find myself stuck in a place that is totally unhealthy.
Speaker 1:And when I think about parenting too, like in just talking about you know the shadow that I'm fighting or whatever these different temptations, these forces that we deal with, it's so easy to come home and to find myself super triggered and want the kids to do something in order for me to be okay, or want to shut you down emotionally because I'm afraid of your feedback or I feel powerless to solve your issues. Those have been like the biggest things that I've faced over the years is minimizing what your needs are. Because I ultimately feel afraid and I think when we're talking about like our In my mind just for today, I have just the word shadow. When I have these places inside of me that are temptations, they are shame they are loneliness, they're the accusations, the self-criticism.
Speaker 1:All those things in my real world push me to want to do things that aren't healthy.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And it's one of the things that I've had to work on the most with me. If I'm helping men in some of the groups that I run, it's the stuff that we're focusing on the most. Why do you want to do the right thing but don't do the right thing? Why do you shut down your spouse when she's the greatest person in your life? It's like you are the person I'm wanting to protect the most and yet I do stuff to not protect our relationship. Why are my kids the most important thing to me but yet I avoid or I shut down or I act out in ways that I feel shame about and guilt about, and even myself? The Bible says no one ever hated his flesh, but nurtures and cherishes it. And if you look at yourself and you go like well, that's not what I'm doing to myself, like why am I treating myself in a way that is outside of my nature?
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And it all goes back to like what's going on inside of you. We have this massive world that is unseen and unspoken.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:That we carry around inside of us. And the challenge with this we've talked about it before and I've talked about it in the intro is so much of it is unconscious, so much of it is automated. And we do that. Your brain automates things so that it doesn't have to think as much. Right, we automate driving. I don't even remember driving here hardly, I don't remember the turns that I made. It automates speech. It automates. Your brain automates as much stuff as possible. Well, it also automates out what you're really feeling in the moment. It automates out what's going on inside of you. You know, it takes all that out of the equation and you just find yourself doing things.
Speaker 1:And again, the challenge is unless you really start to go, why am I acting in ways that I don't want to act? What is really running my life? The question is what's running your life? What's really running your life and why? Is it the voice of criticism from the enemy? Is it temptation that's coming from the enemy? Is it temptation that's coming from the enemy? Is it fear that's coming from your past experience? Right, so I have fear in my life. I have a few key moments in my life.
Speaker 1:I talked about one the other day where I was on a eighth grade graduation trip. I was on a eighth grade graduation trip and this crazy guy tried to run us off the road for an hour and a half and it was incredibly traumatic. I mean, he would pull sideways on the road and try to hit us with his pickup truck and we were in a 15 passenger van. My dad was driving and there's only 12 of us in my eighth grade graduating trip, so all the kids were screaming. You can imagine an hour of being chased by a madman literally a madman on the road. Well, no one. Ever. After that experience, which we got miraculously rescued after that experience, no one ever sat me down. That I remember and said, hey, that was probably really traumatic for you, let's talk about it. What are the things that you're experiencing now? I had to close my eyes for a I remember and said hey, that was probably really traumatic for you.
Speaker 1:Let's talk about it. What are the things that you're experiencing now? I had to close my eyes for a whole year when I'd ride home in the car because I was terrified that someone was following us. I was terrified that that guy was going to get out of jail and come find me and try to kill me. I mean, I didn't have words to explain what was going on inside of me. How I grew up. Watching demonic manifestations was so scary.
Speaker 1:Again, what is driving me? What created the anxiety inside of me? What created this trauma? And so I think it's very helpful for us to start to pinpoint, because the way that you deal with, for instance, the enemy tempting you is different than how I deal with my trauma from my past. The way that I deal with my temptation that comes from being a man with testosterone in his body, like sexual temptation, is way different than I would deal with. I'm feeling tempted because, again, maybe the enemy or something, and so but again, I think because the main key for me is what you misdiagnose, you mistreat, and if I want a different outcome in my life, if I want to try to optimize my life for who God's created me to be, but I don't actually understand what's going on inside of me, then I just keep continuing to create the culture that either I grew up in or that was created because of these different influences on my life.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely. When you ask the question what's running my life and why it makes me think of like a computer operating system like the question of is there an operating system running in the background that you don't realize is running and it's causing you to? It's causing your computer to run slow sometimes or glitch out sometimes. And I think that it's easy when we're used to living life with ourselves, it's easy sometimes to be like oh, that's just what happens.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:My computer just does that, like it totally glitches out every time I try to open this one app or whatever and you're like no, no, no, it's not supposed to do that. Like it's not supposed to do that. What's running your life? Are there things that are running in the background that maybe you think that you've addressed it, but actually your operating system is still not running smoothly? Well, let's readdress, and I think the question you talked about the shadow and I know that's like a um, it's something that people are talking about right now.
Speaker 2:Like it's a topic and I think it would be worth kind of calling out a little bit like signs that you're in that fight. Like what are some signs that you're in that fight that there's, there is an operating system going on. There are things that are causing your system to not run smoothly, whether maybe it's your relationships are suffering or you're finding yourself unhappy or unfulfilled in certain areas of your life, kind of on repeat. But what are some signs that you're fighting a hidden part of yourself or you're fighting an unconscious enemy, or you are up against something that's like creating a hurdle for you and moving forward.
Speaker 2:What? What are some of those?
Speaker 1:I mean? The first one to me is is shame If I'm walking around realizing that I don't like me and I have a whole bunch of self judgment I'm in a battle. I'm like that should be a giant red flag that I'm in the middle of a war that needs attention ASAP. Yeah, um, acting out so when I can't get myself to do what I actually say is most important for me to do, I'm acting beyond my character. So that could be overeating. It's honestly, it's. I'm unable to keep my new year's resolution. I'm unable to keep my word. It's pornography, it's you know, it's those types of things. Um, bitterness be another one of those things. I'm carrying around a fence that, ultimately, is going to erode my life.
Speaker 2:Yeah, can I speak to that for a minute? Yeah, go for it. I think we get bitter when we carry a fence that's not powerfully addressed.
Speaker 1:Like it's not wrong to be offended.
Speaker 2:You can be offended, you can be hurt. When we don't actually powerfully deal with an offense, then it turns into you know, we are offended and we it. It turns into bitterness and I think there's two ways I can see that we find ourselves in bitterness or in carrying offense. It's one when you actually pick up an offense that's not yours, you do it on behalf of somebody else which you're completely not capable of resolving.
Speaker 1:It's a bummer yeah.
Speaker 2:And or you don't actually choose to address the thing that actually offended you in a powerful way, and we know biblically that being bitter and offended is like drinking poison and thinking that you're going to hurt the other person.
Speaker 2:Bad way, bad way to go. I also think a um, a couple other like indicators right, like, maybe you overreact when somebody calls you out on something like not actually being open to input or feedback from people that you would say matter. Obviously we're not going to take input from every single person that walks down the street, but you have people in your life that are willing or that are able to speak in and change your mind about something, that are able to help you see something. You're open to that. Um, one of the things that I know for my own life that has been like one of those big signals for me is, um, the concept that we are critical of other people, typically in areas that we are critical of about ourselves. So I judge something in another person that I also judge harshly inside of myself. And when you know, carrying criticism towards other people or towards other situations can often be an indicator to like hey, wait, stop and pause, look within. Like what am I? Why am I so critical of that? What is the trigger there?
Speaker 1:Um, you know, I ultimately, I think, when there's areas of our life that we are unwilling or don't want to talk about yeah.
Speaker 1:Right, if you think about, you can go into every room of my house except for the basement. I was thinking, yeah, I was thinking recently. There was a person that I recently met and there's this massive area of their life that they don't want to talk about with anybody and of course, obviously there's just so much pain and frustration and anger and resentment. But those are prisons. Those places in our life become prisons and they become definers in our life. And if we're talking about a war inside of you, there is a war any place that you don't have freedom in. So, yeah, big sign, absolutely.
Speaker 2:I think too. Just because you mentioned avoiding, I think avoiding like if you find yourself avoiding certain emotions, that's a huge red flag.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then I think, lastly, like the places that you feel powerless. So if I feel powerless at my job, I feel powerless, um, as a husband. I feel powerless as a man, I feel powerless, like again, it probably has all the symptoms, but definitely I am definitely fighting, I've got a war going on inside and all the symptoms are going to be there. There's going to be frustration, there's going to be anger, there's going to be, you know, some hopelessness, helplessness in there, and I need to stop and actually address it.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, let's talk for a little bit, then, about how to actually confront and win. If we're in this battle. How do we, how do we confront the proper enemy and how do we win the battle?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's great. You know I was um. I was just goofing around last night on chat GPT, which I do sometimes like. Even I was looking at barbecue recipes and all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1:But, um, one of the things I stumbled across was this idea of a? Um, trauma tree, and it was kind of cool because I had never really heard of a trauma tree before. So I was asking chat, gpt, all about it, and it was like, oh, the tree. Actually, the fruit of the tree is all the different things that you would see like acting out, it's all the. You know the. The fruit of having trauma is pornography or anger, or resentment, or, and then when he, when it dove down, it's like the. The actual root is what caused that, right? So maybe I was sexually abused. And then the soil of the tree. It was the environment that it came from. And what I loved, the. My whole point.
Speaker 1:I'm not an expert, I'm just. This is something I saw last night. What I love about that is it was it gives you a visual. So one of the one of the things where I saw, as I saw in somebody's book, they had a trauma tree and they had this exercise right where you go on and you start to go what's the fruit in my life? And you label it right. So I have this struggle with anger or over drinking too much. I have this cycle that I don't like and it's like, okay, well, where did that start in my life? And then you start to label the different roots in your life where that came from.
Speaker 1:And then what was the soil that those roots grew in?
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And then starting to address right, getting really honest, because I think, especially for men, like if you can visualize, if you can go, this is the fruit, and it had something for the trunk too. Again, I'm not an expert, but I think it'd be easy enough for people to go on and actually go, either chat, gbt or even just writing down, like what's the fruit of your life? Right?
Speaker 1:now in this area Anger, pain, resentment, judgment, self-hatred. And then where did that come from in your life? And what was the environment, what was the ecosystem that that grew in Self-criticism or disconnection? Self-criticism or disconnection Because, once you can plainly see it, it's the first thing that I try to do in any counseling appointment marriage or personal counseling appointment. I have to correctly identify what is actually happening, what's going on, what is the ecosystem, what's the fruit, what's the root, what's the ecosystem that is present here? Once we do that, well now there's probably 10 different ways to solve it. Sure, I can get an expert. I can start with a best friend, I can read a book. I can go to the Bible and say I can use confession. This is like David did search me, know me, see me, god. What is actually happening in my life? There's a lot of different ways to address it, but I think the most important piece is becoming conscious to what's going on.
Speaker 1:What are some of your thoughts?
Speaker 2:Well, become conscious with what's going on, which includes, I think, being really honest with yourself.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So you know self-awareness we talk about how self-awareness is actually a skill that we have to learn and grow in. We have to become self-aware and not introspective, not self-deprecating, not critical, but aware, and I think that, depending on your circumstance and depending on what are the blind spots, that would be a different kind of journey for each person, but ultimately, being able to identify your triggers and your patterns and understanding where they're coming from, like you've described, I think we have to be able to get honest with ourselves and then, ultimately, I think naturally, the next step is asking for help, because the truth is is, if you already knew what to do about it, you would have done it, and so the you know the deceiver, the accuser would love to tell you that you quote should already know what to do about this and you should have figured it out by now and you should not be dealing with this problem and you should probably keep it hidden, because that's shameful and I think that's your, you know your major indicator of like.
Speaker 2:You know what? Probably the most offensive tactic I could use in this battle is to ask for help, because it instantly takes the power away of the voice of shame. Just simply asking for help, uh, completely dismantles the enemy's control in that area, which would be to try to keep you quiet and in your, in your cycle of pain and shame.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the most amazing thing about help is, if you think about it, like, as soon as I uh solicit help, I get. I can get someone's strength in the best area of their life and the weakest area of my life, so, like I'm so incredibly weak here and I can, I can come over here and get somebody who's an actual expert. I just love that.
Speaker 2:It's kind of cool. It's like, um, okay, it makes me think of taking supplements. I'm like it's so crazy that if I just threw some blood work, identify that I'm low in vitamin D, which barely has nothing to do with me. And it's not like I just went out and decided. I'm going to be deficient in vitamin.
Speaker 1:D.
Speaker 2:I should feel bad about the fact that I'm deficient in vitamin D. No, for whatever reason, you just are. But you can literally go out and take a supplement and within a moment's time you've got like a surge of vitamin D in your body. The same thing is when you ask an expert for help. Gosh like I can think of how many times have I run up on an issue in my life where I don't know what to do, and so I go see our family counselor and in a moment's time I get the best of her wisdom inside me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I couldn't have if I tried a million years, mustered up whatever she was able to give me in a moment. I can't just sit in my room and like conjure up some sort of supplement to add to my diet. I can't make something out of nothing. But she can actually deposit her wisdom, her grace, her insight, her faith, her strength and just by being humble and asking a question, I get the benefit of her life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, this is the part where I just feel like it's, um, it's the difference between going around the mountain again and like starting a journey, like a really brave journey to creating a completely different ecosystem. You know, the big challenge is for a lot of us sorry, for a lot of of us we didn't create the ecosystem that we live in, and those places that we want to hide or that have been tormenting for so long for a lot of people wasn't actually created by them. So it can feel very trapping, um, to do anything different, because it wasn't like you sat over here and went this is the ecosystem that I want to create. But as adults, we do have this responsibility to now think through well, what do I want my life to be? It's a great starting point. What are the attributes, what are the different things in my life?
Speaker 1:The Bible calls it the fruits of the Spirit that I want to have. Well, I want to have peace and patience and joy and long-suffering and discipline, and okay, then I have to set my mind to do that. I have to take the correct action in order to create those outcomes, and so what I'd love people to do this week is literally sit down and go what's the fruit on my tree? Maybe it's just one area right. Maybe what's in this area of my marriage or my business or my kids, like am I really aware of, of what's going on inside of me?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Is there a battle, and internal, an inner battle that I'm fighting. That, honestly, is unnecessary because it's I don't want it, I don't like it, it's been there for too long. I need to address it. And then what's one step in the right direction that I could take? Who's that person or what's the resource that I could just reach out and go? I'm going to deploy this in my life. That's good.
Speaker 1:And start to change that outcome. If you want a bonus, go on to maybe ChatGPT and just type in the Trauma Tree and do that.
Speaker 2:It's pretty cool. Free little resource, that's good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and have it, create one for you and you can just go through and and put some, put some. Uh, yeah, just fill it out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, whatever I love it, yeah, well, thanks for opening up that combo today.
Speaker 1:I think it's going to be really helpful for people as we start off the year.
Speaker 2:Um, hey guys, I want to take a quick moment to talk about something really exciting our Patreon account. So, okay, as you know, jay and I, we love creating this podcast, don't we babe?
Speaker 1:It's honestly one of our favorite things to do. It's such a fun project.
Speaker 2:We love sharing honest conversations about relationships and parenting and faith, and we love specifically helping married couples. But here's the thing this, the podcast. Actually having this podcast, which we love, is a free resource to people. It takes time and it takes heart and energy and resources, and that's where Patreon comes in. So by joining our Patreon, you guys, you're not only helping keep dates, mates and babies with valetins going strong, but you have the opportunity to actually become a part of our team, become a part of a closer knit community.
Speaker 2:Some of you are such dedicated listeners and with becoming a part of our Patreon community, you would get access to bonus content, some behind the scenes updates and maybe even some exclusive Q and a stuff that we're going to plan for the year. So if this podcast has ever encouraged you, helped you grow, um, made you laugh, made you cry all of the above, consider joining our Patreon community. Um, you can find the link in the show notes. I'm going to link it today, uh, in the bottom of our show notes, but basically, you would just go to patreoncom, forward, slash dates, mates, babies, and you'll find us there, and we are just launching this in 2025. So be the first to become part of the community. We'd love to see you over there, and we'll be touching base with those of you that head that direction. So thanks for being here with us every week. You guys, you're the reason that we do what we do. We are so grateful for your support. We will see you next week.