Dates, Mates and Babies with the Vallottons
Dates, Mates and Babies with the Vallottons
119. The Soul of the Home: A Conversation on Motherhood
“Most of the world is built on the invisible labor of mothers.” In this heartfelt episode, Jason and Lauren Vallotton turn their attention to the sacred, unseen work of motherhood. Picking up where their recent Fatherhood episode left off, they dive into the beauty, burden, and spiritual authority of moms—the ones who so often hold the soul of the home together.
This isn’t a conversation about Pinterest lunches or parenting perfection. It’s an honest look at the emotional, mental, and spiritual load that mothers carry, and the divine calling woven into every unnoticed act of love.
In this episode, they explore:
- More Than a Milestone Tracker: Why motherhood is far more than meal plans and playdates—and what Scripture reveals about its true meaning.
- The Weight No One Sees: From overstimulation to spiritual burden, Lauren shares stories from her journey through blended family life, miscarriage, and motherhood.
- The Lie of the Perfect Mom: How culture pressures women to be everything—and why presence is more powerful than perfection.
- The Spiritual Authority of Moms: The quiet ways mothers set the spiritual tone of the home, and how every unseen act counts in the Kingdom.
With raw vulnerability and deep encouragement, Jason and Lauren remind moms everywhere: You’re not just holding it all together. You’re building something eternal.
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We're the valetins and we are passionate about people.
Speaker 1:Every human was created for fulfilling relational connection.
Speaker 2:But that's not always what comes easiest.
Speaker 1:We know this because of our wide range of personal experience, as well as our years of working with people.
Speaker 2:So we're going to crack open topics like dating, marriage, family and parenting to encourage, entertain and equip you for a deeply fulfilling life of relational health.
Speaker 1:Welcome back everyone to Dates, mates and Babies with the Valletons. We are glad to be with you this week.
Speaker 2:Yes, we are.
Speaker 1:This? Uh, let's see. Last week we talked about fathers, the power of fathers, and um the rite of passage.
Speaker 2:The rite of passage.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we actually had mother's day this week, and so, in celebration of mothers and mother's day, we wanted to talk about the beauty, the power, the strength of moms.
Speaker 2:Yeah babe, you are what would you like to say about that love?
Speaker 1:Well, I just think you're the most incredible mom and I've had a great mom growing up. I mean, I had such a beautiful, incredible mom. Your mom was a great mom and we miss her so much.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But I just Moms are so underappreciated and yet do so much um, carry, carry so much weight, and so we just want every mom out there to feel celebrated and loved and just talk through, yeah, the power of a mom.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I wrote our daughter-in-law a card this week because she is over halfway through her pregnancy with her first baby. Wow, and we love a good celebration. So that baby might not be out yet, but she had her first Mother's Day and I wrote her a card. And I wrote her a card and as I was writing it I was just kind of thinking about how, for a woman, the journey of motherhood much like a man in his journey with fatherhood our journey of motherhood begins long before we actually have our first baby.
Speaker 2:A lot of how God wired a woman and what I think that wiring contributes to as moms on the planet is he wires us up for connection, love, longing, nurture, and all of those things are actually formed in us before we have children. So you know, you practice either on your doll babies or your friends or your boyfriends and girlfriends growing up, or in how you help take care of your own. You know your own siblings and of course, women are born with varying levels of these things kind of born into them. But the kind of mom that you are when you have children really stems a lot from what you did with those parts of your heart growing up and you know before having kids, and so I think to honor a mom is really to honor the journey of somebody's motherhood.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And then the service, of course. The service of motherhood, the servant nature of motherhood is quite profound, if I do say so myself, it really is.
Speaker 1:You know, motherhood is one of the least praised. I don't know roles that you could possibly have Like moms serve so unconditionally, day in, day out. I think it's one of the one of the greatest pains of your life. Um, when our big kids were little was like oh my gosh, I'm doing so much and they're still not happy Sometimes that's parenthood.
Speaker 2:I mean that's parenthood, it is. I mean that's parenthood. But yeah, I mean absolutely. It's funny. We were in church yesterday. We're recording this episode on a Monday, so yesterday was Mother's Day, and in church our pastor started out the service by telling some jokes, some like Mother's Day jokes, and they're hilarious, but one of them in particular, you know, highlights the fact that, like, yeah, your mom might go to work at nine o'clock in the morning after she drops you off at school, but she doesn't get off work when she picks the kids up from school. You know she's, she has her other job to go to or whatever. And it's true, I mean again, I think that that's parenthood. But there is something about a mom, I mean even just in our culture. We did an episode a while back where we hosted a really awesome woman, an author, who spoke about the role of motherhood in a young child's life between the ages of zero and three.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And about how, on a kind of like a societal, cultural level, the value for present motherhood in an early child's life has really changed a lot over the course of time in the Western world, really changed a lot over the course of time in the Western world, and moms are spending less time with young babies, whether it's due to the pressures of having to provide for a family or work or, um, even maybe having to balance this, this pressure that feels like I'm also supposed to do all of these other things as a mom, mom and anyways, that's a bit of a different conversation. The point is that I think we can't actually stress the value of a giving present, nurturing mother. We can't stress that enough.
Speaker 1:Well, when you look at um, when you look at family life, the number one predictor of healthy kids is a healthy, present mom. And of course, the number one predictor to detail, the mom really sets the tone in the house for the care and the nurture. And when you look at a home, what you're trying to create in a home is this bubble of emotional safety in a home and like, if you can, homes that have a, this bubble of emotional safety that protects the individuals in the family and keeps them connected. Those are our families that really thrive and it's the mom that really sets the pace for that piece. And it's it's really interesting because, you know, we look at the man.
Speaker 1:Of course he's providing and he's providing a bunch of identity and he's providing financially and emotionally. But it's the mom that really nurtures that. That at least sets the tone for for the nurturing. And, like you said, babe, it starts when they're so young. But it's so interesting because part of that role of nurture makes it so that you're more perceptive than I am. You are more in tune with the heartbeat of each individual child than I am.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And because of all of that, you carry and we've talked about this before you carry the burden and the weight, the emotional weight and the emotional burden of the kids, in a way that I don't as dad.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And so a woman tends to get more overwhelmed quicker because you're actually carrying more of the burden of the kids and that heartbeat of the house, but also you're carrying more of the needs of the house than dad is. And so you know, when I look at like how do we help support moms? You know, when I look at like, how do we help support moms, how do we help to to create a thriving space so that mom can show up? It's somebody has to carry her emotional burdens and somebody has to help um, show up for you, because you really are carrying that and we've talked about that emotional load before and help you off.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the mental load.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that mental load, sorry. Help you offload and unpack that mental load, because you're just constantly carrying it. It's something that. And then one of the big challenges I think that we have in our day and age much different than my mom even is we have social media, and social media is saying you should be good at all these things as a mom. You should be able to cook and clean. Your house should look this way. You need to play with the kids X amount. You need to come up with these incredible ideas. Oh, look at how they decorated that kid's room. Look at all the you know like. You don't think about it, but the mom guilt mom. Shame mom should.
Speaker 1:Life is so real and present in the world that we live in today because you can look at what's portrayed is that moms, like a good mom, has all of this stuff together she's got every meal plan for the week, she's got all the sports and play dates planned out for the kids, she's got the rooms tidied perfectly and the kids are doing it willingly. And it really is wild the pressure and the load that women are under today to take care of their families today, to take care of their families and all that to say like I really think that we have to do a better job I'm talking to the husbands at showing up for our wives, at taking the pressure off to have everything perfect and really nailing. To me, the most important thing is to have that connection, that emotional safety in the home and a family that is really deeply connected.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I, I don't. I know that some women might feel this way. I think if I ever feel pressure to be perfect, it's definitely not coming from you. No, I mean, some women might feel that from their husbands. That's not where the pressure comes from for me, I think when I uh which I'm, I'm saying yes, to feel your support is everything. I think, for a lot of moms, though, when we see, you know, when we're inspired, even by social media or different ways, we could do things, or different hacks for this or that, or those cute little perfect lunch boxes with all the sandwiches cut up into shapes.
Speaker 1:You know, whatever you're like.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's cute. I would love to be able to provide that kind of life for my kids. It's 12 hours, oh my gosh 12 hours of prep time. Yeah, and they're not going to eat it, they're going to throw it away. So you know, I think if I feel pressure, it's usually actually because I care so deeply that my children get what they need, and I think as moms, especially in potentially 2025 Western world, we get confused about what our kids actually need in order to be well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 2:And we wonder if it's you know X amount of extracurricular activities, or you know X amount of hours of playtime with me on the floor, or X amount of quality time with just me and not their siblings, or how many home-cooked meals a week, or how many supplements, or how essential oils versus candles, or it's endless. The world around me is trying to tell me what my kids need in order to be well, it's true.
Speaker 1:Then you find out the food pyramid was a big scheme, I mean just, I feel like I'm living in like quite a time.
Speaker 2:You know, like pretty much every way that I was raised has been upended and proved to be some sort of like devastating cancer causing pit that my kids could fall into at any moment and they're ruined for life, you know, or they're going to die early, or whatever. That's a lot for a mom.
Speaker 1:It is.
Speaker 2:And because God wired us up to nurture and foster life. So if I'm having to navigate all of these impossible to see landmines as a mom, I lose sight of what I, what my kids, actually need in order to be well. It can feel like a lot, and so part of what I've been doing lately is just kind of going back to like, okay, what in the world like motherhood isn't just a list of a checklist of, like developmental wins or Pinterest worthy snapshots. It's actually a calling Like I've. I am called to motherhood.
Speaker 2:I am designed, hardwired for motherhood by God, and even Jesus Christ himself was born to a mother. He needed a mom. God had him born into family of a mother and and she was there to raise him and guide him and speak into him. I mean you could mean there's so little of Jesus's upbringing that is documented in the Bible, but you can only imagine. I mean he had to learn to wipe his own bottom right. He had to learn how to make his own breakfast. She had to teach him what to do as a baby when he was upset or scared.
Speaker 2:I mean Jesus was fully man and so this woman, that role in his life, was designed by God himself, and my role in my kids' lives is not too different than hers was, and so actually getting back to like okay, the world has reduced motherhood to some degree. It has also probably added fluff to what the role of a mom actually is, and so the best thing I could do is get clarity from God about my role as a mom and keep it pretty simple. I think I need to keep it pretty simple.
Speaker 1:Well, I like what you said. I mean, I, I do think the world has both reduced and added, and it's a quite a paradox because I would say in a, in a lot of realms, we, we just came through um 2020, through 2024, of course, and in those years it was like the world can't even define what a woman is and can't define.
Speaker 2:How confusing can it get?
Speaker 1:so confusing, right.
Speaker 1:And then we reduce it to all the way down to well, if you feel like it, if you want to be, if you wish you were, if you felt like you were which we're not going to go into and open it up a whole bunch but you just completely devalue. But then also we say, well, a woman can do anything that a man can do, and again I'm not going to get super political, but I'm just showing how we've reduced it. We go a woman, a woman should be expected or can do anything a man can do, and then you completely devalue the incredible power that an actual, true woman is right, that I don't need a woman to be able to lift the same as a man. I don't need a woman to be able to hit a baseball as far as a man. I don't need a woman to be able to run a business or anything like a man does. I don't need her to be as physically strong. But then on the flip side, like we talked about a minute ago, the world also is going.
Speaker 1:This is what it looks like to raise a perfect family and and to do all these things and I love what you said about motherhood is a calling. It's.
Speaker 1:One of the greatest privileges in the whole entire world is to be able to take a house, make a home, take a child and nurture it into an adult you know, to be able to marry your husband and create a beautiful family together is like such an incredible privilege and I think here one we're both celebrating the real design of a woman and also honoring the role and the load and and the in what she contributes to our world. Without moms, we would be nowhere. Without moms, the world would just be one big giant competition, one big dad competition, and I'm so thankful for women like you, babe, who put so much time, effort and energy into creating a space that feels caring for. I'm so thankful that God put women on this planet to provide the heartbeat and just provide so much um care. Y'all are awesome.
Speaker 2:No, thanks. Well, we do our best. I can tell you that much I got to say, you know, I can tell you that much I gotta say as a mom of kids ages 25 to three. I think one of the greatest services we could do for our fellow moms is just to be real about the highs and lows of motherhood. Women feel very alone in in some of their struggles as moms and I think some of it comes from cultural pressure. I think a lot of it comes from our inner critic wanting to do a great job and not knowing if we're meeting the mark, from our inner critic wanting to do a great job and not knowing if we're meeting the mark. But I think that the best thing that we could do as moms is to be in community with other mothers and sharing life on a very real, very authentic level, talking about what life looks like I.
Speaker 2:I, uh, I was chatting with another mom the other day and kind of was basically telling her kind of where I'm setting some boundaries in my life, like nah, I just can't do that, no way. And she was like what You're just going to say no? And I'm like, yeah, I can't, I'm not doing that. And she's like. I need to hear that more. I need to be encouraged more to to not just say, yeah, of course, sure, yeah, come on in. You know, interrupt our, interrupt my family time for whatever it is that I'm like, oh no, I've had to get so good at going like, nah, not going to do that. You know, it's a simple example of like without other moms giving us loads of permission to have needs, have boundaries, you know, be able to say no or yes when needed, kind of a thing. It's. It's wild.
Speaker 2:And what happens is during the day, moms kind of pretend to have it all together and carry all of that mental load and keep the calendars and snacks and dentist appointments afloat and, you know, carry the emotional labor burden of everybody else's feelings and feel the burden of raising kids in a world that feels upside down sometimes and, you know, keep everything on the rails and then at night they lay in bed and laugh their heads off at all of the reels on Instagram that depict the reality of motherhood, which is like I lose my mind a couple times a day, like I want to throw things. Sometimes I can't, you know. So moms want to feel permission to not hit the mark all the time, and there has to be. I think we we have to, but but in in order to feel permission to not hit the mark all the time.
Speaker 2:We have to be able to unwind enough to not keep certain expectations of ourselves. We have to simplify expectations of ourselves, get back to the basics of like what has God actually called me to do as a mom? Yeah, what are the things that I need to give myself to and the things that I should absolutely ignore so that I'm not so wound up that I can't actually be a healthy, present mom? You know, I don't want to be this overstimulated ball of stress that is barking orders at everybody because I can't I don't have the self-control to like withstand what's on my plate.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I don't think that's what God called us to. No, I think God called us to something that is going to take us, all of us. I think he's called us to something that requires us to lay our lives down.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And to serve. I think he's called us to something that is incredibly sacrificial and incredibly humbling, but it it doesn't have to kill you.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And if it's killing us, you're doing it wrong, we're doing, we're doing it wrong. So, anyways, I think we would love to. We would love to set a standard that says I don't have to be perfect, but I'm going to be really present. I want to be the kind of mom that can stand being present, fully present, in my life with my kids. It doesn't have to be perfect. Yeah, it's real. That would be my watermark, ladies it's perfect.
Speaker 1:It's true. Well, ladies, moms, we love you, we're so thankful for you. You should take a big, huge break, rest a little bit more.
Speaker 2:Easy for you to say pal, Because the world needs you.
Speaker 1:We are pulling on you.
Speaker 2:You know, what we don't need is men telling us we should take a break and take a nap Impossible.
Speaker 1:I know it's impossible.
Speaker 2:No, I'm kidding.
Speaker 1:I'm kidding, it's true, we, we've got a yeah, I'm just saying go a little easier on your, your shoulds, on yourself. We love you so much and we're pulling, we're all pulling on you.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And um so literally all right, y'all.
Speaker 1:Um, thanks so much for listening to this week's podcast. If you love it, please share it with a friend. Please leave a comment, review it. That helps us so much. But we will see you next week on dates, mates and babies.
Speaker 2:Have a great week.