Dates, Mates and Babies with the Vallottons
We’re the Vallottons, and we’re passionate about people! Every human was created for fulfilling connections in relationship and family, but it’s not always what comes easiest! We know this because of our wide range of personal experiences as well as years of working with people. So we’re going to crack open topics like dating, marriage, family and parenting to encourage, entertain and equip you for a deeply fulfilling life of relational health.
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Dates, Mates and Babies with the Vallottons
130. How to Handle the Disorientation of a New Season
Every new season brings change—and with it, a sense of disorientation. As human beings, we’re wired for stability and rhythm, so even good change can feel uncomfortable at first. The question isn’t whether change will shake us, but how we walk through it without losing our footing.
In this episode, Jason and Lauren Vallotton share practical wisdom for navigating transitions with grace, humor, and hope. From their own stories of job changes and parenting milestones, they remind us that adjustment takes time (sometimes at least two weeks!), and that flexibility is key when fear tempts us to tighten up.
They explore:
- Why it’s normal to feel unsettled in the middle of change.
- The “two-week rule” that helps reframe transitions.
- How fear can make us rigid—and why flexibility matters most during change.
- The importance of limiting how much newness you introduce at one time.
- Guarding connection with your spouse and close relationships so disorientation doesn’t drive disconnection.
- How leaning into God brings clarity, peace, and a renewed sense of purpose for each season.
If you’ve ever felt unsettled in the face of change, this conversation will remind you: disorientation is temporary, and you don’t have to walk through it alone.
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We're the Valetins and we are passionate about people.
Speaker 1:Every human was created for fulfilling relational connection.
Speaker 2:But that's not always what comes easiest.
Speaker 1:We know this because of our wide range of personal experience, as well as our years of working with people.
Speaker 2:So we're going to crack open topics like dating, marriage, family and parenting to encourage, entertain and equip you for a deeply fulfilling life of relational health.
Speaker 1:Welcome back everyone to Dates, mates and Babies with the Ballotons. It's great to be with you guys.
Speaker 2:Sure is Happy Wednesday everybody, and you know, I think it's pretty safe to say happy back to school At this point. Most families have found their way back into school routines and rhythms and I know some people don't start till after Labor Day, and we bless you.
Speaker 1:Listen, I don't even know when Labor Day is, so End of August. Is it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, a lot of people don't start school till the beginning of September.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that Labor Day switches every year. It's hard to keep up with.
Speaker 2:It is, it's true.
Speaker 1:Are you not supposed to wear white pants after Labor Day? Is that a thing you?
Speaker 2:know, I think that's old news. I think that's like when we grew up in the 90s it was a faux pas. But I think at this point it's kind of like I mean, I look around and what I know is anything goes.
Speaker 1:What does faux pas stand for? I have no idea oh man, it's not like does it stand for?
Speaker 2:means yeah, well, we'll have to ask Chad Mistake. I think it means something equivalent to mistake.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's good. So let me kind of. Can I like unpack? No, let me just share this.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Your babies are growing up.
Speaker 2:I know they are. We're going to talk about that today a little bit in some form or fashion. I have to tell you all that Jason Vallotton and I are in a new era. We you all that Jason Vallotton and I are in a new era. We are, we have officially leapt into a new era, and I'm feeling all kinds of ways about it. I got mixed emotions.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you do.
Speaker 2:I got a lot of mixed emotions.
Speaker 1:You were a cry baby this week.
Speaker 2:Last two weeks ago. This time I was a bucket of tears.
Speaker 1:You were.
Speaker 2:A bucket of tears folks, Partly because we were battling a stomach bug, Partly because I was watching my life as I knew it go up in smoke Like everything is new and different. We've got for context, guys. We've got our five-year-old little girl. Yeah, the baby that we created together in my womb.
Speaker 1:That's what happened?
Speaker 2:She is five and she's in kindergarten, and that is blowing my mind. Then last week, monday, our baby, baby, our three year old, started three days of preschool a week.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Which is crazy. These are milestones that, like, we look forward to, we dream about, we imagine, we get excited for them, and then it comes and I I was honestly surprised by how I felt. I didn't think I would feel quite so. The word I've been using is disoriented.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I didn't imagine feeling quite so disoriented. And yet there I was.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Feeling all kinds of ways.
Speaker 1:Well, we wanted to talk about it this week.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, we want to talk a little bit about kind of how to handle the disorientation of a new season, because that is one thing that, as human beings, we all have in common. We all go through big season changes, big adjustments, big life-altering milestone moments, and things change, whether we like it or not.
Speaker 1:Do you remember what song I played for you?
Speaker 2:I forget.
Speaker 1:Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road. Yeah, a little green day for you.
Speaker 2:A little green day. I was feeling it, I was feeling it.
Speaker 1:I mean, and that's so familiar, right, because we've all, like you said, we've all been in these. Okay, we're taking a left turn here. Yeah, everything was going this way. Now we're going this way, and for us that's school. Yeah, it just so happens that our kids are going back to school.
Speaker 2:Having little kids yeah, having no more babies at home all day, every day, like that is a really new season for us. I mean, obviously it was a short season Five years isn't actually very long in the scheme of things and we've done a whole round of kids before that, so it's actually not the longest season we've ever done.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But it is wild and I think what I've been kind of contemplating is just this reality that, like when season changes come to certain keys and we've gone okay, like this is actually really helpful. I know, for me last week, when I kind of got hit upside the head with that feeling of disorientation that I wasn't quite expecting, it took me a couple of days, I let myself kind of cry through some of it and then I actually got really intentional about a few things and I know that these things have been helpful for us in the past. The first one would be kind of just actually naming it, naming the season change, identifying it and actually just leaning into the reality that, okay, as a human being I'm actually wired for consistency and stability. Yeah, so change is hard and that's okay. Full stop. Change is hard, it's okay that it's hard, it's I. I'm not wrong for feeling disoriented amidst the change and actually it's usually an invitation. It's an invitation to lean into connection and it's an invitation to lean into the Lord.
Speaker 1:I hear Rebecca Lyons right now. Free Fall of the Fly.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, yeah, have you read that book?
Speaker 1:I haven't, but I know you have.
Speaker 2:It's actually not what the book is about, so we'll just keep going. In my mind it is it's about overcoming anxiety and panic.
Speaker 1:Oh, there you go, but there's.
Speaker 2:you know there's great tools in there and I do love that, but I know I do love that. But so, yeah, just kind of figuring out how to actually posture yourself in the midst of the change, that is inevitable.
Speaker 1:Well, do you want to happen a little bit and watching all the transition coming and us bust day and the third day of school, just kind of watching you process through, like, oh, I don't know about this, evie's really struggling. Is this the right thing? And so for me, as your husband, my natural bent is to help you, is to not want you to be emotional. I could just say it like that. I could go like ah, lauren's thrown off, shoot. That means that the home's not going to be fun. If I'm just like, if I say like, so bluntly, right, like she's thrown off, the house isn't going to be fun. She's going to be uptight, she's going to be emotional. So that's my first reaction is like, oh, shoot. And then my next reaction is like this is okay, what's my role?
Speaker 1:And so I got to spend quite a bit of time this week hearing you go like I don't know, did we do the right thing? Is she in the right place? Is she going to be okay? And thing Is she in the right place? Are we, is she going to be okay? And just realizing that it's not my job to fix this. This is my job just to be a safe place for you and Edie to land, like, can I? So I found myself a lot either picking up Edie from school once in a while, or I took her out to lunch, um, to help her land, trying to, like, bring some some peace to the chaos that she's feeling. And then, for you, I'm trying to do the same thing, different approach, um, but I'm allowing you to go like, oh yeah, that's tough, um, and tell me about it, and it's not always going to be like this. And then I remember saying to you like, hey, let's just do a little bit of time, and if we don't love it, we don't have to do it forever.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm just like allowing you to come down Right and being a place for you to have all the feelings and emotions that you need to have, while also feeling heard and listened, and loved One thing.
Speaker 2:Another thing that I like to keep in mind is what I call the two weeks rule, and it's funny because I'm thinking back to other seasons of my life where, like, I've gone through job changes. Yeah and I tell people this all the time, I've told this to our older kids, I've said this to people I've mentored it's like the first two weeks of any new job. I've always hated it. It doesn't matter if it's my favorite job I've ever had. I absolutely loathe and hated the first two weeks of every job I've ever had, because it's hard. It's hard to not know what you're doing. Yeah, it's actually hard, just psychologically as a human being. It's hard to feel incompetent. It's hard to feel like you don't know up from down. It's hard to feel like you're not sure what the rules are. And when a season change comes, I like to keep in mind the rule of two weeks. I'm going to hate it for two weeks.
Speaker 2:It's going to be hard, at least for two weeks. And it's funny that's always been what I've said about new jobs and then I show up at preschool to or sorry, kindergarten to drop Edie off. The first day and the first morning was a little challenging and there was a group of parents kind of gathered in the school lobby after the main doors had closed, all the moms, all the kinder, and there was a group of moms kind of chatting in the lobby and then the assistant principal came out into the lobby to like check on everybody, like how's everybody doing? And Brandy's the best. She's like how'd it go? And we're kind of telling her and choking back a little bit of tears.
Speaker 2:I waited till I got in my car, but I'm telling her and out of her mouth goes give it two weeks, give it two weeks. And she said you know it's going to be hard, there's going to be tears for two weeks, but in two weeks time they're going to fall in love with their teacher, they're going to fall in love with their class. They're not going to want to miss a day, you know. And so I'm holding on to that. But it's funny because I think that's true across the board, like when big change comes. You've got to allow yourself that adjustment period and you just have to know. It's okay that it's hard. It's okay that I'm feeling on the inside like things are all mixed up and disoriented because they are.
Speaker 1:Do you know, what I think is really important is to get more flexible in transition and our natural tendency is to get more rigid, right, like because there's stress and there's fear involved and so you want more control. But I think the more flexible that you can get inside of change, so this feels really uncomfortable. I'm going to pull somebody in and talk about it. Or I know, like with Edie, slowing everything down and giving more options, not less options. We have to get less demanding in a creative, in a really creative way that still gets us to our goal. And so we we actually go back to like okay, every single day last week we were troubleshooting what could we do better? What can we do different? What do we need?
Speaker 1:So I made pancake. I actually prepped her breakfast at 10 o'clock one night because we realized like, oh, she's not getting enough protein, how can I? And we switched up meal time. You know what we put in her meal and we, like we were just constantly. We're getting more flexible and troubleshooting more instead of like rigid, like when we get afraid, our tendency is to get really rigid, right. So I think that's a massive key Like what can I flex, what can I change? What can I? How can I adapt to this thing that's happening in order to make it better, and that partnership with a spouse is really is key, or or with a friend, or a coach, you know, depending upon what you're going through? But how do I continue to adapt?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's really really good. Along those lines, I'm reminded of a conversation I had at the lake yesterday it was Sunday. I took the kids to the lake in the afternoon.
Speaker 2:And um you know, I kind of purposed myself right before the school year started like this is going to be a big time of change. Let's try to change as few things as possible. Yeah, the first couple of weeks, go straight home. Go straight home, Force feed her a protein snack and put her in a quiet corner, Like don't try to do too much after school, kind of a thing. You know, that's the point. And actually since then I've kind of I've considered a few things like right, I'm driving around town and there's signs on the corners like sign up for fall soccer at the Redding Soccer League League or you know, you get an email dance classes start on x, x date or whatever.
Speaker 2:And I felt this thing inside go, you know what. No, we're gonna introduce like one new thing at a time. Yeah, totally kindergarten. Like just the fact that Edie has to put shoes on her feet before 8 am five days a week is like big change for us. So let's not try to do too many things at once. Yesterday at the lake I ran into a mom friend and she said are you guys doing Dreamweaver dance this year? And Edie actually loves dance. I think she would love taking dance classes.
Speaker 1:She's never done it before, especially Dreamweaver dance.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, it's just absolutely angelic and very cute for these little kindergartner girls to start dance classes. And I said you know, it came out of my mouth we're not actually going to do any afterschool activities until spring semester Because this year my girl is working on being in school five days a week. That's enough for her, and she's going to get little bits of other fun things here and there on the weekends. But we need Saturday and Sunday to be quiet in our life. We need our after school hours to be free because I don't know like we need some, we need some margin, and so I think in seasons of big transition, minimizing what you can is just a good plan. Like not trying to upend the whole family system in one day is probably wisdom for us.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that consistency right. So keeping really consistent in the things that you can while the other things are changing, making sure that you have dinner when you normally have dinner, making sure that whatever you can keep consistent in a change of transition, really helps everything to stay grounded and normal, and so I just think everybody has to be a bit more flexible when things get crazy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly. The next thing that I've thought about and I've really been intentional with this last week is we have to be really careful when we're feeling disoriented. It can lead to overwhelm and, depending on how you're wired, overwhelm does different things to us.
Speaker 1:What's it do to you?
Speaker 2:For me. It actually makes me want to go into self-preservation and I want you know I want more alone time. I want the house to be clean. I want to have my like hot shower by 8 pm on the dot. You know I want to be like alone by 8 pm, decompressing, and if I'm not careful I can actually let my disorientation kind of derail my connections. So I'm working less hard at making sure that I'm turning toward you and emotionally pouring into our bank account. I'm thinking less about texting my friends. Even I'm thinking less about nurturing my relational connections because I'm in some sort of self-preservation.
Speaker 1:You get tunnel vision.
Speaker 2:You get tunnel vision and you kind of go into survival mode a little bit. And it's like each man for himself kind of a thing like eat or be eaten. I don't know, I don't know. It just feels like. You're going, babe.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's, dog eat dog it is a little bit, and so I have tried this week. You know we're going to keep trying. I'm sure I could do better, but I actually have been intentional not to just let my connections disappear, making sure that I'm actually leaning in, especially leaning into my connection with you. That feels like it's really important, because so much strength comes from our connection in our marriage. That feels really, really important. And then this is a funny one to share, to say for last, because, gosh, it's absolutely like chief among priorities, but really leaning into our relationship with God, really leaning into our connection with the Lord.
Speaker 2:I was at church yesterday and I was thinking about the coming week and how you know that's another big one, and I felt prompted to set my alarm extra early this morning, and so before I went to bed I set my alarm for 5 am, knowing it was going to feel real early, but I had this sense like I have to start this week connected to the Lord.
Speaker 2:I have to start this week. He has to be my first conversation on Monday morning that I have. I got up, I sat in my cozy chair with my journal and my Bible and I actually took time this morning to start my day that way and it was beautiful because the things that the Lord shared with me about what he's growing in the kids this year and what I can expect to see from their time in school and actually what he's doing with me was so incredibly helpful in shaping my perspective of today in, I know, kind of the beginning stages of shaping some vision that I have for our season that we're in and this new time and you know it's just again it's easy when things feel disorienting and when you feel discombobulated and when seasons are shifting and your normal rhythms and rhythms and structures are in place and you haven't really found your groove yet, it's easy to let that thing go.
Speaker 2:Yeah it's true and your day is kind of managing you rather than you're managing your day, and so just simply waking up a little extra early, carving out that time with the lord first thing in the morning. He's my first conversation.
Speaker 1:I'm having.
Speaker 2:Really sets us up for success.
Speaker 1:It does. It's the anchor and it's also the source. It's both of those, so it's awesome. Well, we know that in life we're going to have lots and lots and lots and lots of transition. Yeah, and getting good at nailing those transitions really is like a massive key to doing life well. So we're transitioning off of this podcast and into the rest of our life.
Speaker 2:I just want to pray for them really quick.
Speaker 2:Anybody that's listening today, who's in a big season shift or who's experiencing a big transition, whether it has to do with the school year or a job change or a new marriage or a death in the family, like whatever big changes have come your way, that you would speak, that their ears would be open, that their eyes would be open to see what you're doing, and that you would give them real strategies for navigating seasons of change, with a lot of grace and a lot of strength in Jesus' name.
Speaker 1:Amen, all right, y'all have an incredible week. We will see you next week, thank you.