Ep 69: Living Your Best ADHD Life with Yani Oragami

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🌟 Rest, Community, and Living Your Best ADHD Life: Featuring Yani Oragami

In this inspiring episode, we are joined by Yani Oragami, a former college athlete who shares his journey of transforming ADHD from a perceived challenge into a powerful accelerator for personal growth. Together, we explore the importance of acceptance, rest, and building community while creating an intentionally shaped life that works for the ADHD brain.

📌 What You'll Learn:

• How to transform self-judgment into self-acceptance
• The critical role of rest and nourishment in managing ADHD
• Ways to build meaningful community connections
• The power of intentionally shaping your life
• Three daily practices for ADHD success: fun, self-care, and giving back
• Strategies for healing and personal growth
• How to embrace your authentic self

🗣️ Featured Quote: "You have to rest. You have to take a pause and just breathe... Usually you're already running on empty from all of the things that you're running to fix." – Yani Oragami

👤 About Our Guest: Yani Oragami is the host of the Light Supervision podcast, dedicated to supporting those with neurodivergent experiences. Drawing from his background as a college athlete and his personal journey with ADHD, Yani brings a unique perspective on transforming challenges into opportunities for growth. His approach combines practical strategies with deep compassion for the ADHD experience.

🔗 Useful Resources Mentioned:

• Light Supervision Podcast on Spotify
• Daily practices for ADHD management
• Strategies for rest and recovery
• Community building approaches
• The importance of proper nourishment

🔗 Connect with Mande: 

Learn more about private coaching: https://learntothrivewithadhd.com/services/

Free Resources: https://learntothrivewithadhd.com/freeresources/ 

Website: https://www.learntothrivewithadhd.com/ 

LinkTree: https://linktr.ee/learntothrivewithadhd 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/learntothrivewithadhd/ 

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/learntothrivewithadhd/

💡 Remember: Living with ADHD isn't about forcing yourself to fit into others' expectations—it's about accepting yourself, taking care of your needs, and intentionally shaping the life you want to live.

#ADHDcoach #ADHDcoaching #AdultADHD #ADHDhelp #SelfAcceptance #Community #RestAndRecovery #PersonalGrowth

Click here for full show notes.

CLICK HERE for more resources. We're on this journey together! 

Transcript

Welcome back, guys. Today, we have one of my former clients with me, Fantastic man here.

And we're calling him Johnny Oragami. And there's a reason behind that. I think that's a great introduction to let's tell people the reason behind your name. For sure. For sure. And appreciate it. And well, I'll say this. And you know, if somebody walked up, if you walked up to me in the street, I'm not going to say my name is Yani Oragami.

I'll say I'm actual name. But the reason for Yani Oragami and and for and for what it means to me is and you. And we'll get into who I am, where I come from, all of that. But I'm a former athlete, not professional, but college. And I've been a lot on a lot of different teams. And you find that when you meet people that you feel very comfortable around you, usually you'll get a nickname.

And my nickname was Johnny within my Position group. One of the last year that I was playing, I actually played football and the guys in the room, you know, just picked it up and just start calling me Johnny and, you know, it is a play off off of my name. And I played I played tight end in football and if you know anything about football, you know, you're for tight ends.

They both block offensive linemen receivers and everybody you know within the on the field that's on the defense but they also have the ability to run, you know, run around, catch a pass. And it's a nice blend. So in a room of guys that I felt were so far above me athletically and being able to run routes, catch passes way better than I could.

You know, we're probably the number one guy and athlete at their high school when they came out, you know, I was a guy that just was used to being used to blocking and being in the trenches and that name for me was, you know, I felt seen in that moment because I felt like one of those guys. They invited me and they made me feel like family.

So that's a part of it. And then the Oragami portion of it is I'm really big fan of anime Japanese culture. You know, I have a poster behind me of Naruto that's one of my favorite animals of all time, but I say Oragami because it is the art of paper folding, and with paper folding, it's intentionally forming something into what you want it to be.

And that's what this journey and the page in the podcast for me is all about, is it's intentionally putting energy and putting time and shaping the life that I want to live, which is very rare for a lot of people to do. Most people spend a lot of time doing what they think they should and what their parents want them to do or what people their mentors want them to do.

And, you know, for once in my life, this is a very intentional time where I'm saying I'm going to do what I want to do. Obviously still doing the things that I'm responsible and accountable to. But it's I'm going to shape and form those things into what I want it to be and not just letting it happen. And I think that's very fitting of the of my name, but also Oragami.

And in deciding to take that path and I would say with our work together and you reminded me before the call that it's been about six months and our work together had really been developing those intentions, right. Of the life that you actually want. And you may be still, you know, like you said, you're still fulfilling your responsibilities.

You may be still working in this life that you're like, well, maybe this is what somebody else wanted for me. And I went through with it for, you know, you know, maybe financial security or that kind of thing. But there's actually this whole other life that is the one that I want. And something you didn't mention that I think would be important for people to hear is that Johnny period you felt most yourself in that phase of life.

And I feel like there's a big theme of, you know, between our work and between like what you've said here today. So far, there's a big theme of like feeling most yourself. And where does that come from? Let's just talk about that real quick. Like, who's expectations? You know, I to name specific people, but like, what type of people in your life did you feel you were following or that you were pleasing or were?

What would that how would you put it? Right, Right. I feel in love to get into that. And and I think I share I have a lot of great friends in my life, and I'd say a lot of the people that I surround myself with actually have gone through a lot of the same things. And the reason for that question, I think, in terms of expectations and who I think I should be or what I want to be and in this life, I think it comes from my upbringing.

I have I have a wonderful family. I really do my both of my parents, which is a very fortunate thing to have in this life. If you still have your parents and you're close with them and you have a pretty good relationship with them, you know, spend as much time as you can with them. You know, you'll be very interested to find out who they are and what things have shaped, how they thought and how they raised you.

And the reason they did the things that they did and which again comes back to me and expectations. And I don't necessarily think my parents came out and said, we want you to be this kind of successful. We want you to be this I want you to play this sport. I want you to do this. I want you to do that.

My parents worked very hard and they still work very hard. They're still working today. And for those that have that, I'll understand this next statement is, you know, me and my siblings were we're latchkey kids. So that is you have you're are a child. So your child, you get off the bus and usually your parents are there or aunt or grandma would, you know, a guardian is there to pick you up and they walk you from the bus to to your home.

You know where you live. But me and my brother and my sister both all had keys, you know, So we had a lot of responsibility on us as kids to take care of ourselves because our parents and grandparents were working. You know, they would come home at a reasonable hour to take care of us and, you know, make dinner and X, Y and Z.

But even at a very young age, you know, my brother was in fifth grade walking us, me and my younger and the youngest, I'm sorry, but walking me and my older sister, you know, from the bus stop to the house, opening the door, locking the door, you know, making sure we were good to go at home. And then we'd start our homework and X, Y and Z.

So how does that again come back to the expectation, as I think a lot of that I've put on myself because I've seen how hard my parents have worked and there's always a piece of me that said, I don't want that for them for the rest of their lives. I don't want them to have to work so hard.

I don't want to I don't want money to always be a challenge. And we always had what we needed. But, you know, the one thing that I think I always needed and I am in a great place with my parents that I tell them, it's like, yeah, like the one thing that we didn't get a lot of was time when we were little, you know, When we were very little, yes, we spent great time together.

But as we became responsible and able to do things on our own, you know, you guys, you know, did what you needed to do. You went to work. So we missed out on a lot of that in-between time, you know, And I think that is good. Now, it's interesting that you had like a Gen-X upbringing when that was not normal.

Like for my generation, that was very normal. That's just life. Your parents work, you're on your own. But for you, I imagine you would be looking around at your friends and being like, Well, their mom's there to greet them or like, right care of them. So. So like, what was that like? Did you notice that that your upbringing was different than other people's, or was that always?

Always, I always saw that it was a little different. And and my parents, you know, they're from up north. And specifically I'll say in New York and in New York, it's very whether it be Brooklyn, Harlem, Queens, wherever you're from, everybody is right next to each other, you know. And we grew up down south. So, you know, we had a house and you had to drive everywhere.

So the culture of how my parents grew up, you know, this person is right down the street. You can walk down to their house, hang out with them, come back. And there was a large sense of community for them as kids and them growing up. And when we moved and grew up in the South, that just wasn't the case.

So when you would say, Hey, I really like to go hang out at somebody at this person's house and get to know them, they will go, you know, well, we don't know them. I don't know. I don't know those people. And I'm like, well, how how am I going to get to know these people if we don't go hang out?

If you don't, we don't go there. But that's where I realized, because my parents are working and doing what they need to do and they're not there to pick me up from the bus stop at right now. They don't get to know so-and-so's parents. They don't get to know these people. So I'm like, okay, I get it.

My life is a little different. And when people ask me, Hey, why can't why can't you just come over and play video games? Why can't you just, you know, stay the night? Why can't you X, Y, and Z? I'm just like, Ah, that's not how my family rolls and that's not what we do. Or and, and, you know, and that's rolled back over time as we've gotten older.

And my parents got to know some of my friends where there would be onerous ceremonies and even that even in that we we've talked about this in our sessions is doing really exceptional things and not all the time or the people that you want to celebrate. You are there. So you feel a little like, okay, I did this really exceptional thing, but who's there to celebrate it?

You know? Yeah, that was a lot of the conversation is like, where is my where's my kudos? Like, where is my a good job. Yeah. Where you know exactly where is my good job? Shout out, shout, shout out, Larry June. I did I did track that music down, by the way. And I sat and watched it. And so that was that was fun.

But so I think this is a great segue way into the questions that I wanted to ask you. How do you feel your ADHD has held you back? And we're starting with the negative question. Don't worry, guys. Will get we'll get to the positive. Hang in there with us. But I think it's important to talk about this. Right.

And I'd say with with narrative urgency, I think it's a lot of people will say that it's it's it's held them back massively. And and I'd say for me it's it's put a big pause on a lot of different things. And I think probably the biggest thing that I think I struggle with is bringing things to fruition or completion.

And I think that's probably the most frustrating piece of it for me and you know, in examples, that could be a project that that I'm working on, you know, specifically in school, it was okay, I have, you know, four or five different classes and I really need to get this one thing done. And then it's also a little bit of impulsivity, but I have all these other things as well that are screaming for my attention and I'm just picking them up, putting them down, picking them up, putting them down one thing at a time.

And I can't just sit still and just do one thing because I'm so worried about everything. So it has come with a little bit of anxiety and and and, and then and then that's also it's a little bit of time blindness of. That's probably why you're trying to figure out what to do, you know, how do I complete this assignment?

How do I make this next step in my life while you're focusing on four and five other things, time is slowly dribbling away, but you really don't recognize it, you know? So it may be okay, I picked this up. I was like, okay, I need to pay this bill today. And then you go look at one other thing, and then you look at the next thing and the next thing and the next thing.

You know, it's two weeks, you know, from when you said that you were going to pay that bill and then you get the notification on your phone saying, hey, this this is past due or whatever the case may be. And you go, Well, I thought I did this already. It's like, no, you didn't, you know, intentionally sit down and do it.

So I'm smiling because that has happened to me so many times. I'm sure everyone listening is like, yes, that has happened. So it's it's it's frustrating. And then and then the next phase is you feel frustrated with yourself and you can get mad at yourself and and and then you and then the next phase that I think is self-belief.

So and you feel you start to lose confidence in yourself. You start saying, man, I, I say I want to do these things. I say, I want to be this person. I want to show up in this way. I want to do the things that I told people I was going to do. But then it's not that you're not doing them, it's just that it's taking longer to make it happen.

But you you have an internal clock that does not match other people's clocks. And you know that taking longer for it to happen, I find and it could be a little bit of age, it could be, you know, I don't know where I'm at in my life, but I find that I've really come to like a peace that something might take longer.

And that's okay. At least I am a person that always gets it done eventually. Right? But when you're younger, that's so frustrating. And as it is and it's tough and and in that it's really hard to ask for help in that in that space. There was a ton of times where I would be doing really well. And this also goes back to having to manage a lot at a young age and managing yourself.

And my and my parents will tell you they'd say, man, you were such a you were such a joy to, you know, you never had any problems. You didn't have any behavioral issues. You were never in trouble. You know, we could always count on you to do what we needed you to do, which was not give us any trouble.

And it was always so hard for me to ask for help because I was so used to doing things by myself. And when you encountered the uncomfortability of not knowing something, not knowing how to do it and not knowing how to ask for help is you go, I'm going to let them down. You know, I'm going to let them down.

I'm going to let myself down in this moment because I can't figure this out by myself. And if I can't figure this out by myself, what do I do? You know, this is that's the and that's the expectation that I think is very it was built by me, you know, and just trying to not be a burden to somebody.

And I'm sure that just sorry to interrupt and I'm sure that just doubled down in your brain when you're like, okay, the praise I'm seeking, I'm getting by by not being a problem and not asking for help and not asking questions or yeah, getting this the the support that you feel that you need from a very young age.

Exactly. So I want to really talk about the positive side. So how do you think that your ADHD has progressed you forward? I think it has. I genuinely look at it as an accelerator and and we've used this analogy a lot of the time and specifically with a neurodivergent brain or somebody with ADHD is that we don't lack attention at all.

We are people think, it's, you know, you have a deficit of attention of you're not paying attention at all. And it's no, I'm just paying attention to the things that I really care about and the things that I want to pay attention to, which is great. And in a lot of regards and and we say, okay, it's like a giant laser.

You know, you have a laser pointer or a giant or think of a giant laser that's like think like Star Wars, the Death Star. You know how it you know, I'm not trying to be so destructive in this description, but large laser, very powerful can, you know, blow a planet away in one shot, very focused. Yeah, very focused.

But if you just shot that laser or the Death Star just randomly in space or know and it wasn't pointed at anything, it's not going to hit anything. So how are the how are you going to know that it's even powerful, You know what I mean? So I look at it like that as if you intentionally point it somewhere.

You can find a lot of great things out of it. So, you know, and again, coming back to it's pointing that laser at the things that matter and putting the the actionable behind it. So it's it's it's very much a positive to me at this phase of my life because it's very powerful and it's also an accelerator. You know, when it when we started working together, I was in a point in my career where I said, okay, things are good, but I want to feel better about them.

I want to feel more confident in my ability to do my work, show up and show up for my colleagues, show for myself at work, and also, you know, start to make some ascension in my career. And within the six months that we started working together. And you have helped me focus that laser. Now I have I done the work.

Yes. But I attribute it a lot to the conversation that we've had. I had an ADHD coach before this, and he was phenomenal and he really helped me kind of excavate a lot of the the the deep rooted things that I that I was struggling to accept about myself and ADHD, you know? But our work together has been okay.

We've uncovered a lot of those things and they're still going to come up. But let's focus on where you want to go and who you want to be and meet. You know, those struggles and those and those uncomfortable feelings as we get there. You know? So I've you know, fortunately, I was promoted, you know, in the six months that that we've worked together, I started this platform.

I, you know, launched my Instagram page for yarning Oragami. I put out my first podcast episode. And for me, it's it's a gift, you know, this, this, this way of being in this way of life is a gift. And I'm grateful for it. There's some days where I wish it wasn't so challenging, but it has moved me to do things that I really enjoy and the things that I really want to do.

And but it's also a reminder of, okay, there is a balance to life, you know, and you can use this power even though it really you only want to do what you want to do, but you can use it and tap into it to do the things that are uncomfortable, to do the things that you really don't want to do that the the boring, mundane administrative tasks, tasks of life, you know, cleaning or cleaning your space, you know, doing your taxes, you know, replying to emails that don't that don't have a lot of luster.

And it's not a big deal. It's not a big deal that you're working on. You know, it might become a big deal. So, you know, but because you're able to tap into that power and point that laser into just doing the daily, doing the daily things, doing the daily tasks, those small things, it's compound, you know, it really is compound interest.

The little the little deposit that you're making today is going to compound and become a much bigger investment that you really didn't think could happen because you decided to make yourself a little uncomfortable. So it is a it's a special thing. Well, and Jani here is a very positive guy. And so that's that's had a lot of positive energy in it.

But what I see on YouTube in the comments are people that come back and say, Yeah, but I can't I can't do anything. What would you say to those? Because I know you've been in that space in your life and in kind of that dark place. Like what would you say to those people that are there now? I would say if you keep saying that, that's going to be the case and and that's the that's the blunt side of it that I'm very hard on myself.

And you probably hear it from the way I've described the expectations that I've had around myself and around the things that I want to do and the accomplishments that I that I want to attain in this lifetime. So I'm my hardest critic. And but if you consistently tell yourself that I cannot do something excuse me, if you constantly tell yourself that I cannot do something that's going to be the play and the movie that consistently is rolling, you know, I'm a big believer in affirmations.

I'm a big believer in what you say has a lot of power and it's very strong and and it's also how I think about, you know, as I as I grew up as a kid, the voices that you hear, the ones that you hear the most consistently become your thoughts, you know, and your thoughts become your actions and your actions become your reality.

So the things if they were negative when you were growing up where you can't do this, you shouldn't do this. And when you are neurodivergent or you have an alternative way of doing things, when you in school, when you're talking to people and they can't see it the same way, if you consistently have heard, that's not smart, that's not a good idea.

That's not how other people do it. You think that there is something wrong with the way that you're doing it now, even if the way you're doing it is incorrect, There's a better way to address that and to then take it and go, I just need to rethink the way I'm doing this and retool it. The way that I'm thinking isn't wrong.

It's just not the best way to go about this problem or exactly or finding the solution. But nobody says that in the way that that would be most friendly to you, so you become alienated. I remember being in elementary school. I had a teacher who did not know how to teach a individual with with a ADHD brain, a neurodivergent brain.

And, you know, we find ourselves to be gifted, so doing really well in school. But as soon as you finish your work, Chatterbox love to talk, love to talk to whoever is nearby again, looking for the most stimulating thing. I want to talk to my friend who's not done with his work because it's not my fault that he's not done with his work.

I just finished early, so when I would start to finish early and do an X, Y and Z, I would I would start to talk to my friends and then it just resulted in me being alienated in different times. And then when I needed help or when I wasn't done with something, a very vivid memory of I wasn't finished with my work.

I was asking my friend for some help and this teacher asked me, Are you done? And she she wasn't asking, Are you done with your work? She was asking, Are you done talking? And I'm a kid, so I don't really get that social that social cue that is this is a moment for you to be quiet. I turn around and I say, No in a very strong manner as a second grader.

So she thinks I'm being disrespectful and I'm just being honest that I'm not done with my work. So a moment where I am just being myself, I am then being, you know, punished for for being honest and for being me. And then, long story short, I had a lot of issues with that teacher. You know, my dad showed up to my class one day and I was about 20 feet ahead in front of my teacher's desk and everybody was in a different section of the class.

And then because it started to come off, he came to the school, the principals and whatever, saying, is not that big a deal. And then he just shows up to my class and I am literally alienated in the front of the class because there she she was trying to make an example out of me because I was not in a, you know, doing what everybody else was doing.

And I got pulled out of the class and, you know, the rest is history. I did exceptionally well. The rest of the second grade, same, same good performance. But I think that is I think I'm almost forgetting the question that we had going back. But it's all right because it's a it's a good story to have because I think we all have that story and right at different parts of our life where we are made to be different, we're getting in trouble.

Like I tell people, I joke that when I was a kid, it wasn't an option, that I had ADHD. I was just a bad kid. I was the one that would like shout out the answers or stand up and say something inappropriate or walk around the classroom or, you know, Right. And bang. And so you were just like kind of labeled a bad kid if people didn't understand you.

Exactly. So it's funny when you tell that story I had on a former student of mine at one point in his life, and then he ended up on my husband's wrestling team later on in life. But when I was teaching him over at his elementary school, he was it was the same thing. He finished his work early. He had talked to his friends and I recognized that and I didn't even know he had ADHD.

I just recognized here's a highly smart kid that is being disruptive but not on purpose. Right. And I think through the gift of having ADHD myself, I was just like this kid needs something different. He's different. He's he's ahead of the class. He's getting done really early. And so what I did is I just would push more work out at him or, here's some worksheets here, work on this, or can you help me with this?

And I would just find like different ways to busy him so that he wasn't being disruptive. And obviously you didn't get that opportunity with that teacher and luckily your parents stepped in. So that's a good story for everybody to hear right? And with that, I'm reminded of the question is if if you keep telling yourself that you can't because of all the people that have said you're not smart enough, you're not doing what everybody else is doing, you have to change the way that you think from I can't to I can and I will.

And it takes time. It takes time. I have a you know, I just write, you know, how people would, you know, a punishment was I write, I will not disrupt the class 100 times for detention. You know in that regard is the same way that I sit down and go I will complete this task by X date by X month with and then all the details of it.

And you kind of just have to write it, materialize it, and and speak it back to yourself. I'm a big fan of voice memos. If you have an iPhone, I talk to myself all the time. You know, I record something and I'll just listen to it because my the mood in which I said whatever, I recorded that voice memo and it might have been in a great moment where I felt very confident of myself and what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be in that moment.

But then life starts coming at you in a lot of different ways and you immediately forget the voice that was that's geared to help you be the person that you want to be. So I go I go to that voice memo and I and I just listened back to myself and I go, that was me. that is me who believes love that as a tool, like an especially if you can like label those voice memos, like when you're doubting yourself or when you feel stuck when you're overwhelmed and go back and listen to those.

That's an excellent tool. I've been I'm Android so I thought Otter Otter I on my right there voice notes and and definitely do that but one like switch in thinking because I'm when I'm working with my clients we're working on your thoughts feelings which make you not take or take certain actions which get you results that you're getting which is very much what Johnny here is saying.

Like wherever you're looking, you're going to go, right? So if you're looking at I can't switch that to something that's a thought that's serving you better, it doesn't need to be all the way positive. It needs to be something that you believe what you thought. That's going to give you a more useful feeling, which might be something like capable in in the conversation that we're having here today.

And then when you're feeling capable, what actions might you take or not take? What might you start doing or stop doing? And then would that what result will that get you? It's going to get you a wee different result than I can't. And another another like thought trick that I like here is I'm becoming a person who right I'm learning to and that's just sending you in in in the right direction.

It's not getting you there. Exactly. It's like you're on your way. Right. So those are both very useful tools. You mentioned you mentioned that you took some notes in preparation and we haven't gotten to anything that might be on those notes. So what do you feel is is most important for professionals and entrepreneurs with ADHD that that you could tell them from from your preparation?

Yeah, I will say and we kind of talked to through strategies and things that are that are helping me and that I think would help other people. And I think the number one thing is acceptance. And that is a very difficult thing for not just myself but for anybody is when you are when you have a a way of being in the world and you're constantly butting with how the world says things need to be done, you're not this, you're not that.

And it it becomes very difficult because you go, Well, why can't people see it my way? Why can't people see it in the way that, you know, you know, And a lot of times I find people don't do what makes sense. They do what is most comfortable and they do what they've always done versus taking the initiative and thinking a little bit more critically and going, okay, we can do this better.

So for me, that's a very that that just regulates me more than anything that makes me, you know, bawl my fists up and go, you know, why can't we do things in a more efficient way? And sometimes it's the way that, that I want it done in that I, I, it done because the way that I'm seeing it so that the first step is acceptance and not meeting it with a combative spirit or a combative mind.

It's meeting it with I accept that this is the way things are right now. I don't have to do anything about it. I don't have to be anything else in this moment. I just have to accept that this is my reality and it's accepting, Hey, I'm I am behind on this, accepting that I am not where I want to be in this moment in all and the not punishing yourself for it, you know, or demonizing yourself or making yourself feel less than because you're not at the space that you wanted to be in or that point of view in life.

So acceptance is not throwing in the towel. It's not giving up. It's not being saying that you're less than it very much is just an acknowledgment of this is where I'm at. And that's okay. You know, so acceptance is is a big one for me. And then after you've accepted it and the next step for me is and I don't like this one and you probably and to the audience, you probably won't like this one.

The next thing is you have to rest. You have. Okay, before me, I want you to say more about that. But before we get to that, I want to talk about acceptance is a phase that you kind of land in. But before that, what happens? You become aware of something. You become aware, say, say in this case, maybe aware.

There's problem. Right? And then you judge the fact that there is a problem and that's very normal. You become aware of it, then you judge it and then you land in acceptance. That's what I tell my clients. I'm like, I don't know that actually in our work we even talked about this, but with many, many of my clients, I talk about these three phases because we're working on, okay, what is the problem and how do we solve it?

And then they they land in this judgment phase and I'm like, okay, this is normal. This is the normal progression, right? And you don't get to stay in judgment, but you can be there for a minute and then we're going to go into and they just naturally go into acceptance where it's like, yeah, this is how my brain works, this is how I need to do these things.

But tell, tell us more about the rest. I never thought of there being like a fourth phase. Yeah, well, awareness is very important. And back to your point, it's tough to not judge what you've already done, whether it be good, bad or indifferent, you know, based on the situation that you're in and that and that's the frustrating part.

So after you become aware of it, you then accepted you have to rest. You have to take a pause and in that comes in many different forms. So if if it's something comes up at work, if something comes up in your relationship, something comes up between you and your family, someone cut or something comes up with somebody that you know personally, whatever it may be.

And it's a I want to say a, consequence. And when I say consequence, I don't say a negative or positive consequence. Life just has its life just has consequences. All your actions have consequences in that consequence. In most cases be due to neurodivergent. It might not. You might subscribe it as negative and you have to take a pause and you have to take a moment and just breathe and take a deep breath.

Take ten, maybe meditate, maybe go for a walk, remove yourself from the situation and you have to rest. And that's tough for that's that was tough for me because. What do you mean? I have to you know, I made this mistake. I made this error. I hurt this person. I caused this this issue. I have to do everything and run to go fix this.

But usually you're like me. You're already running on me from all of the things that you know you're running to fix. And you don't have any energy to go and try to bring an issue to resolution. You don't have any you don't have another gear to to find to make to make those things right. And you're out of gas, you're burnt out.

So if you're burnt out, no amount of urgency, no amount of somebody's yelling at you. No matter how angry the tone is in the email, you're not going to be able to move on it because you're frozen and you're you're frozen because you're exhausted. So you have to take a pause. You have to take a breath. You have to get more than 4 hours of sleep.

You have to get you know, you have to get some time back for you. And part of rest is also nourishment. Yeah, that's something else. Another area of time. Be brief with these. But food and what you consume, that's a part of rest as well. So it's, you know, for me, it's not as many carbohydrates, it's not as many things that, you know, spike my blood sugar.

I find that I'm you know, I'm very sensitive to those things because I'm very hyper aware of what things do to my body. And if you're not giving yourself proper nourishment, if you're not getting enough protein, if you're not getting enough nutrient dense foods, vegetables, fruit, things that eliminate, you know, free radicals in your in in your body, things that, you know, your base baseline things like I take a lot of magnesium, I take a lot of vitamin D, I take a lot of omega threes.

Those are things that fuel your brain, you know, and they're responsible for so many different reactions that if you don't have enough of those in your system doing hard things, and especially when you have this type of brain, it becomes even harder, you know, because you have no, no, no stories. I call my first episode and first podcast was called Cracks in the Cup and there's a, you know, a Bible verse that is basically goes, you know, you can't pour out of a broken cistern, you know, or you can't pour water out of a broken vase.

Every time you try to pour water into something that's cracked, you may retain some of it just based on the shape. But as as you try to pour for somebody else, it's either spilling out of the sides or you can't fill that container up to its to its optimal level because you haven't taken the time to address the cracks in it.

You know what I mean? So with that, that is nourishment, you know, that's rest and that's nourishment. You have to heal the cracks. You have to heal the wounds first, and then the next step is filling it with the things that it needs. You know, those nutrients, the food and all the things that give you energy. So I think that's very important as you have to address you have to address the cracks in your cup, bring them, you know, to a stronger place and heal them.

And then you have to fill yourself with the things that give you energy and. The next step is these next two things are very important is community. We find those with ADHD brains or that are neurodivergent when we're struggling, we will isolate ourselves and that negative self-talk starts to ruminate. And you're so focused on all the things that you haven't done that you can't see, that you deserve to enjoy life, that you deserve to spend time with people that you care about, that you deserve to go have a drink with the friend, that you deserve to go on a walk, that you deserve to go on a run, that you deserve to be cared for

and and the fact is, you know, no one's going to do it for you. No one's going to care for you better than you. You are your best friend and for a lot of people, that is not the case. You know, I've felt my many a time that I'm my worst enemy because of the situations that I've put myself in over the years because of ADHD.

And that's not fair. You know, I and and if you are in a space where you are, you know, demonizing yourself for the mistakes that you've made, I'm really inviting you to forgive yourself and just know that that person is worthy of forgiveness. And it's very much worth mending a relationship with because that person's not going anywhere. You know, they're in your head, they're in your skin, they're with you, they're walking around with you everywhere that you go.

And I know it's kind of like this. Okay. Am I is like, is this like a shadow or whatever? And now it's just you, you know, and sometimes you can feel that split of this is not the person that I want to be. And you can know the you know, when you're really focused. This is the person I want to and it's like, how do I marry these two people?

You marry it through acceptance and you marry it through forgiveness for the things that you didn't get done or the things that you really wanted to do that you didn't accomplish. So it's you have to find community with yourself and spend a lot of time with you and enjoy that, but then also spend time with people that give you energy and not take it away from you.

Community is huge. And and we'll talk about the three things that I talk about on my page. But the last one is make time for fun. You know, you got to make time for yourself. You got to make time to enjoy life. That is something that I've never really done, you know? And and, you know, coming up, I'm in my late twenties right now.

You know, finest heart is hard for me. It's hard. It's funny that you mentioned that because when I'm working with my clients, it's like they come to me with these problems that they want to solve, right? And so we start solving the problems and once they get in a good place, I'm like, okay, now how do we have fun?

How do we bring that back in?

So Jani has these three things that he likes to focus on, and I think they would be helpful to all of. Right, Right. I appreciate it. And there's so there's three things that I try to and if you go to my my Instagram, there's only one one real on there right now. As I build that page, it'll become more consistent.

But there's three things that I like to focus on. And and me and Mande have focused on this, you know, in our times together is, number one, how did I have fun today or how did you find the fun, whatever you were doing today? Because life can be tough and it's a lot of work. But how did you how did you have fun?

And and you have to reflect on that because that's a positive memory that you can build on and think of the next day. And if you record it, hey, you remember it even easier because you don't have to do the work to remember it. You know, you can tell it to yourself. So number one, how how did I have fun today?

How did you have fun today? Number two is how did I take care of myself today? Did you take your vitamins today? Did you get all three meals that you wanted to eat today? Did you go to the gym? Did you spend time with a friend? And there's a lot of things that you can qualify as self self-care and how do I take care of myself was very important.

And then how did I give back today? And that is where after you've given to yourself, I strongly suggest you do the first two every day is take care of yourself and find something fun for yourself to do, because then you have an appreciation of that and then you go, Okay, I want to give that to somebody else in some way.

So it could be at your job, it could be in your whatever it may be. How did I give back today? And that's really important, very actionable for people to start thinking about that every day. And you can join Jani on his page and leave in the comments on these reels that are coming. Your three things. So let's talk about that.

Let's talk about where to find your podcast, where to find you, where can people reach out to you? Right? For sure. For sure. So I am actually the host of the Light Supervision podcast. You'll find it. It's called like supervision from the for the Alternative Mind. And I'd say all minds are welcome. All the things that I talk about and will talk about are geared to help those that have a neurodivergent experience in this life.

But if you don't, there's still actionable things around self-care and self care finding enjoyment in what you're doing no matter what or whatever your walk of life is and however your brain functions. So it's called the Light Supervision podcast. You can find it on on Spotify. It's going to continue to post the different streaming platforms on definitely keep you guys up to date on that, but you can find me on Instagram at the podcast that light supervision and you can also find me on Instagram at Yani Oragami.

Are you good? Well, thank you so much for this conversation today. My goal is always to like, help other people be seen and the stories that you've told today and the actionable things that you've given us. I think it's going to really be life changing for people. So I appreciate it. And I always say this with my clients, like, I know you don't need me to be proud of you, but I'm proud of the progress that you've made and the work that you've done.

And I definitely see that. And so I guess that's my good job to you. I appreciate it. Good job, Vincent. Many thanks so much for being on today. Of course.