Ep 83: Executive Function Series #5 Stress Tolerance

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In this deep-dive episode of our executive function series, I share how to build stress tolerance for ADHD brains and the practical strategies that helped me go from overwhelmed to calm, even when life gets chaotic.

📌 Key Topics:

• My personal journey with stress overwhelm when hosting gatherings
• The critical connection between stress tolerance and other executive functions
• Why the right amount of stress can actually be helpful for motivation
• How reframing stress as a challenge changes your physical response
• Building your stress "muscle" through consistent small exposures
• The power of ADHD-friendly prioritization to prevent overwhelm

🗣️ Featured Quote: "Stress tolerance isn't about avoiding stress altogether—it's about building the capacity to handle it in a healthy way, especially when you live with ADHD."

💡 Strategy Breakdown:

• Reframe stress as a challenge rather than a threat to reduce intensity
• Develop specific stress relief habits that don't create negative consequences
• Create an ADHD-friendly prioritization system with the "Today List" method
• Learn to recognize when stress is becoming too much and have tools ready

🎯 Coming Up Next: Join us next week as we continue our executive function series with organization strategies for your mind, things, and work/home life.

🔑 Key Takeaway: Stress tolerance works like a muscle—the more you use it, the stronger it gets. With practice, your ability to stay calm, focused and resilient under pressure grows.

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#executivefunctions #adhd #stresstolerance #adhdstress #adhdsupport #adhdstrategies #adhdcommunity #stressmanagement #prioritization

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Transcript

All right. Welcome back, guys. Or if you're new here, welcome. If you don't know me yet, I'm Mande John. I'm an ADHD coach for professionals and entrepreneurs. And I wanted to let you know that right now you can work with me one on one. We have group coaching in the Coming again in the future, but that is closed at the moment.

If you'd like to work with me one on one, take a look in the description or in the podcast notes and you can click on a place to book a call with me and we are going to start creating a plan in those first initial calls that you have with me. So that's going to be a really fun thing that's coming really soon.

So book it when you can. But today we're going to talk about stress tolerance. And I was reading about this in a book I talked about on the channel. I'm not sure exactly when, but several months ago or maybe last year and it's called I Know What to Do. So why am I not doing it? I believe it that that's the title and it's more of a talk that he's giving.

But in that talk he talks about stress tolerance and he gives the example of exercise and exercising enough as far as cardiovascular exercise enough so that you're challenged, but not so much that you're exhausting yourself. And you can think about that when we're talking about stress tolerance. So I'll get right into it. Do you feel overwhelmed when life throws challenges your way?

Are you struggling to keep calm under pressure? If so, you're not alone. And if you have ADHD, stress can hit harder and linger longer. Have you noticed that this is executive function series number five Stress Tolerance. And in this episode I'll share with you practical strategies to build your stress tolerance and stay steady, even in the toughest situations.

And that makes me think of another example of stress tolerance. And they talk about when you're trying to teach your children something or if you don't have children, think of small children when they're trying to learn something. If it's just enough that it's a challenge, but not so hard that it's stressful, stressful in the negative way, you know, there can be good stress and bad stress, but when you're in that window, then that's when they're going to learn.

So think of we can think of ourselves as big children that are learning our stress tolerance.

By the end of this video, you'll have tools to navigate stress with resilience and confidence. And trust me, you'll want to stay tuned for number six in this series and I'll let you know about that at the end.

So for me, getting ready to have people over used to cause me so much stress, not only did I think everything had to be perfect, but there was always so much to do cleaning and cooking and prepping, and my tolerance for being under pressure like that was really low. If I was asked to do anything extra, like pick something up from the store or help with the last minute task, I would get so upset and overwhelmed and I would be like physically sick and sweaty and running around and it just wasn't a good feeling.

So now I handled the task well and I delegate where I need to. I take care of myself along the way. So I take breaks and I rest. And we're going to get into how you can just do that in your everyday life. So I actually was more relaxed when people would arrive once I started doing these things, slowing down, taking care of myself and deciding what was really important actually.

And that's what building stress tolerance has done for me in that one area.

and like I said before, it's something really important to keep in mind is stress itself is not always bad in the right amount. It can actually be helpful, can sharpen your focus, boost motivation and push you to take action.

Think of it like a volume control to low and you feel border unmotivated to high and your system gets overwhelmed. But just at the right level, it can help you rise to the occasion and even feel a sense of accomplishment afterward.

The key is learning to recognize when stress is becoming too much and having the tools ready to dial it back before it takes over.

What I've learned is stress Tolerance isn't about avoiding stress altogether.

It's about building the capacity to handle it in a healthy way, especially when you live with ADHD.

So back to the exercise analogy, you think of stress tolerance like a muscle.

The more you use it, the stronger it gets. If you've ever started a new workout routine, you know that at first your muscles feel sore and tired, but over time, with consistent effort, your body adapts

and you could lift more, run farther and recover faster.

Stress tolerance works the same way with practice. Your ability to stay calm, focused and resilient under pressure grows.

Okay. Let's talk about how strategy one reframe stress as a challenge, not a threat.

One key to building stress tolerance is changing how you see stress. Instead of seeing it as a threat. Try reframing it as a challenge

when you're facing a tough project, remind yourself this is an opportunity for me to grow instead of I'll never get this done. The mindset shift reduces the intensity of your stress response

and it gives you back your power.

So strategy number two develop stress relief habits. Stress builds up fast, especially for ADHD brains that live in urgency mode often. That's why it's so important to have daily habits that help you release stress.

it could be exercise, mindfulness. A short walk. One of my clients, a freelance designer, would totally shut down when multiple clients would email her at once.

And what we did is we created a calming reset routine and for her we actually created a list and she would pull from that list before she would handle the emails. So she would go for a walk or cuddle her dogs and then come back and play her favorite music and start with just two emails. And after those two she check in with herself, Can I keep going or do I need to do another reset?

She got her inbox under control and because she wasn't avoiding it anymore, she started making more money. She gave updates more consistently. Projects moved forward

And she even started getting new clients because she was responding to job requests faster than other people.

Small habit, big results. And over time it became easy for her to sit down and handle several emails at once with no panic. Even on tough days, she had the tools to reset and keep going instead of shutting down. So strategy number three use the power of prioritization. Whenever you think feels urgent, stress skyrockets. The fix. I'm going to say that again.

When everything feels urgent, stress skyrocket. Like I'm having a hard time seeing that word. When everything feels urgent, stress skyrockets. Think of when you have a whole list of things and you just feel that stress response the fix prioritize, but in a way that works for your ADHD brain. I created a tool for this that I've been personally using, and it's simple, it's visual, it gives you flexibility instead of relying on something like the Eisenhower matrix, which is fine.

But I just notice I do a little too much thinking when I try to use that. And what I do instead is I have my today list and

it's a prioritization sheet, and it breaks things down into five ADHD friendly categories. And the top one is like your one thing for the day and it says if nothing else,

it's the non-negotiable task for the day.

For me today it was recording this for you guys.

and then we have our main intentions. These are the top priorities that deserve your focus.

Next we have. It would be nice if optional wins to go after. If you have the capacity and the time, then it's would like to enjoyable or fulfilling tasks that matter to you. And I really like this next one because as a mom and a business owner, there are other people in my life that need things for me and a wife and a friend and a family member.

And so I kept this one too, just two little lines helping others. And this might be a way to contribute or to connect without losing track of your own needs. And I really like this sheet because it's visually calming. I feel like I'm moving forward in all the areas that, you know, I feel like I must move forward in or I need to or I would like to.

And it just really helps me prioritize. And not only that, but when you have that whole list of things I noticed yesterday I did this, there was some paperwork that needed to be done. I was just telling one of my clients this morning when we were talking about prioritization, but there was some paperwork that, you know, a pool membership that I needed to send a check and a, you know, a banking thing that needed to be taken care of because that account's not active and there's money in the account.

And anyway, I have to fill out this paperwork. And I decided that that was on my main intentions for the day. And then I looked at the paperwork I was having a little bit of a hard time getting around to that. My and

my admin our was taking longer than expected and I pulled out the paperwork to look at it and was kind of feeling a little stressed that I wasn't going to be able to get to it.

And then I noticed the due date one was April 25th that as I'm talking to you, this is March 25th. Coincidence. And the other was, you know, just a little bit earlier in April. But I had plenty of time. I did not have to have that on my to do list. And so I just kind of laughed at myself and thought, isn't that funny that you thought that that was absolutely something that you needed to do today.

And so it really helps us start to realize where we're putting things that aren't really important in an important spot in our life. And I can just laugh at myself and go, okay, that you were wrong about that, and that's okay.

Like I said, it's visually calming and totally doable

and it encourages celebration and not burnout.

And yes, the links below or in the show notes for the podcast so that you can grab your own free copy.

so pick one of these strategies and try it today.

I really encourage you guys to put together your lists like my client did, of things that they can do to de-stress when they're in a high stress situation. So whether it's reframing stress, building a relief habit or practicing prioritization, drop a comment below and let me know which one you're going to try. And here's a question to spark ideas What's your go to way to relieve stress that actually helps and doesn't make you feel worse later.

So of course, we all have stress relieving habits like scrolling on our phones or watching Netflix or some. For some of my clients, it's taking a nap, although I think that that can be beneficial. If it's an avoidance technique that might not be good, You might not be getting to the things that you want to be getting to, but what are the things that you can have on your list that don't have a negative outcome?

In the end, For example, if a stress relieving habit would be eating chocolate, that might be fine in, you know, small amounts. But if you're eating too much chocolate, that might cause weight gain in the end or something like that. So that's what I have for you today. Next time we are going to talk about organization that is going to be executive function series number six,

and it's going to be how to organize your mind, how to organize your things, how to organize your work in home life.

So don't forget to like and subscribe and hit the bell for more ADHD friendly tips and strategies.

so I know how overwhelming stress can feel, especially when you're executive function skills are already stretched thin, but with the right tools and a little practice, you can face stress with confidence and resilience.

Imagine tackling challenges without them taking over your whole day or your whole week. You've got this, and it starts with one small step.

And remember, progress is better than perfection. Keep going.

Thank you all. I'll see you next week.

Thank you for your time today, and especially your attention. If you're anything like me, you love to learn. Sometimes, though, we can know what to do but struggle to put it into action without the right support. That's what Private ADHD coaching is for. To give you the unique support and accountability you need to make the change you know is possible.

Book a free consultation with me today at WW W learn to thrive with ADHD Tor.com Backslash Services. I look forward to meeting you.