Ep 116: Meditations for Mortals Explained for ADHD Brains

Have you been putting your life on hold — waiting until things calm down, waiting until you're caught up, waiting until you finally "have it together"? What if the wait is the problem? In this episode, Coach Mande breaks down the most powerful ideas from Meditations for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman — and shows you exactly why they hit different for ADHD brains. This isn't about adding more to your plate. It's about finally giving yourself permission to stop striving and start living — right now, exactly as you are.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Why letting go of perfection isn't giving up — it's actually the doorway to moving forward again
• The "just do it once" reframe that takes all the pressure off starting
• How waiting to "catch up" before living keeps you trapped in a cycle that never ends
• The truth about focused energy: most humans (ADHD brains especially) only have 3–4 productive hours a day — and why that's not a flaw
• What "brain dead activities" are and how sorting your tasks this way changes everything
• Why peace doesn't have to be the finish line — it can be your starting point
• How letting other people have their own feelings is one of the most freeing things you can do (and why ADHD brains struggle with this)
• The magic of small completions — and how finishing things imperfectly actually builds momentum and trust with yourself
• Why you don't have to read the whole book to benefit — just one or two shifts can change your entire day

Mande shares how this book gave her personal permission to stop demanding the impossible from herself, why these ideas work so well for ADHD brains, and the way each concept connects to the shame cycles and self-negotiation so many of us know all too well. She also unpacks the important nuance: this isn't about becoming perfectly organized or productive all day. It's about working with your natural energy, releasing over-responsibility for others, and letting small completions quietly build your confidence — one tiny step at a time.

Key Takeaway: You're not behind. You don't have to wait to start living. Burkeman's ideas remind us that loosening our grip on perfection isn't failure — it's freedom. For ADHD brains, that single shift can open the door to everything else.

Resources Mentioned:

• 📖 Book: Meditations for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman (available on Audible — approximately 4 hours)
• Instagram: @learntothrivewithadhd
• Weekly ADHD Newsletter: learntothrivewithadhd.com/weekly

Ready to start working with your ADHD brain instead of against it? Book a free coaching consultation with Coach Mande at learntothrivewithadhd.com/services

#ADHD #ADHDPodcast #ADHDMotivation #ADHDCoaching #SelfCompassion #MentalHealth #PersonalDevelopment #LearnToThrive #ADHDSupport #Neurodiversity #BookReview #ADHDBooks #LetGoOfPerfection #ADHDStrategies

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Transcript

Welcome to Learn to Thrive with ADHD. This is the podcast for adults with ADHD or ADHD like symptoms. I'm your host coach, Mande John. I'm here to make your life with ADHD easier. Let's get started.

Hello. Welcome back or welcome if you're new here, I've had it on my list to share this book with you all for a while. It's a really interesting read, and for me, it really helps me relax around life, relationships, and work in the best way. We're talking about the Book of Meditations for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman, and trust me, if you're an ADHD professional entrepreneur or just someone trying to figure out life with ADHD, you're going to get a lot out of this.

But if you're not a reader or you just have a pile of books already, no worries. I'm going to cover the most important parts today and show you how it works so well for our ADHD brains. This episode isn't about fixing you, it's about freeing you.

So on a personal note, I love audiobooks. That is where I read this one actually a few times. It's only about four hours on audible,

So I imagine it's a quick read if you read the actual book, but it's not intended to be read that way. It's broken down day by day over four weeks, each being less than a ten minute read.

What I really loved is it gave me permission to stop striving for perfection and embrace life as it is. And I remember thinking this is exactly what my ADHD community needs to hear. And if you've been craving the same kind of permission, stay with me. Here's what we're going to do together today.

I'm going to break down some key themes from the book and connect them with what it actually feels like to live inside an ADHD brain, we'll talk about letting go of perfection, taking small steps, living more fully in the present moment, even when life feels messy.

Think of this like a little ADHD friendly tour of the books. Concepts.

Let's start with the idea of embracing imperfection. Burkeman talks about what he calls the liberation of defeat, basically realizing we can't do everything. And that's not a personal failure. It's reality. And for those of us with ADHD, this is huge because we tend to live in a cycle of high standards, big expectations, and then the crash, then the shame spiral.

So the message here is not try harder. The message is stop demanding the impossible from yourself. You can't do everything and you don't have to.

and once we loosen our grip on perfection, we can really start moving again.

Which brings me to the next idea small steps over perfection. Burkeman highlights something that is so simple it almost feels too easy to matter. Just do the thing once. Not forever. Not perfectly, just once. Instead of trying to become the perfect meditator, or the perfect organizer, or the perfect consistent person, just do it once. Write a few words.

Send one email. Put away five items. Take one small step.

This is a game changer for ADHD brains because it takes pressure off. And starting is often the hardest part, not the task.

So if your brain is waiting for the right mood, or the perfect plan, or the burst of motivation, this is your reminder. You don't need all that to begin. You just need one tiny move, then another, then another. Now let's talk about living in the present. One thing Burkeman emphasizes is how often we delay our lives. We wait for some future version of things when it's calmer, when it's organized, when we finally get it together and he reminds us that we can only cross bridges when we come to them.

That matters so much with ADHD, because so many of us have this feeling of I'll start living once I catch up, but catching up is a moving target. And if you're always chasing a future version of peace, you never get to experience peace now. So let me say this gently but clearly right now counts. Today counts. This version of you counts even if the laundry's on the floor.

Even if your inbox is chaos, even if your brain feels loud, you don't have to wait to be fully fixed to start living. Okay? And now I want to bring in the concept that hit me like a permission slip. Burkeman suggests that most of us only have a few hours of truly focused energy each day, like 3 to 4 hours.

And when I read that, I thought, oh, so it's not just me. I don't know about you guys, but if I'm writing an article after 2 p.m., I'm toast and it's going to be harder to do and it's going to take longer.

But if I start back first thing in the morning it's a breeze and I knock it out quick. So for ADHD people, this 3 to 4 hours can be a total reframe. Where does that fall for you?

Maybe it's early or late or the middle of the afternoon. Work with that.

Because so many of us judge ourselves like we're supposed to be productive and focused for 8 to 10 hours straight, but most humans aren't built that way. And ADHD brains especially aren't built that way. So instead of expecting yourself to be on all day, you can identify those few hours where you're at your best

And focus your key task there. Then let yourself ease up the rest of the day. It's about working with your natural energy patterns, not against them. Let me say that again because your nervous system might need to hear it. You don't have to be on all day. You can do the important things in your best hours

and still be a successful person.

Still be a capable adult, still be someone who is doing well in life. When I'm working with my clients, we're working with their energy levels

And I have them make what I call a list of brain dead activities.

meaning these are tasks that you might want done, but they don't really require your brain power. Now let's shift into another idea that I think ADHD brains desperately need starting from sanity instead of striving to reach it. A lot of us live like this.

I'll feel calm when everything is handled. I'll rest when I'm caught up. I'll relax after I fix things. But that day never comes because life keeps laughing and ADHD adds extra layers to the pile. Burkeman flips it. He suggests that you start from sanity, meaning you don't have to clear the decks first. You can choose peace now and then move forward from that peace instead of using peace as a prize at the end.

Peace doesn't have to be the finish line, it can be the starting point. So if you're waiting to feel okay before you start, maybe the move is just start by letting yourself feel okay first. Even if things aren't perfect, even if things aren't done, even if you're still figuring it out. There are two more ideas that I really want to make sure you hear, because these can change your relationships and they can change how you carry your life.

The first is about allowing other people to have their problems.

This is a big one. A lot of ADHD people are sensitive, empathetic and tuned in. And this can really be a gift. But it can also turn into over responsibility. We can feel like our job is to smooth things over, fix emotions, make people feel comfortable, prevent disappointment. But Burkeman reminds us that it's okay to let others have their own feelings.

It's okay to let people be upset. It's okay to let someone be disappointed without jumping in to repair it.

You can care without caring. You can be kind without taking responsibility for everyone's experience

And that boundary is not selfish. It's healthy. It's freedom.

I was getting coached one time on something I felt was a big problem. And the coach pointed out to me that in the scenario that I was describing, I kept talking about how everyone else would feel, but there was no mention of my feelings.

This was news to me. I didn't even realize that I was worrying so much about that. The truth is, we can't manage other people's emotions 100% of the time. It's a losing game. Better to just be there for them however they're feeling and do the same for ourselves.

And the last idea I want to share with you is what he calls the magic of completion. Berkman talks about how finishing things, even imperfectly, can give us energy rather than drain it. And if you have ADHD, you know what it's like to have a thousand tabs open in your brain.

Half finished projects unfinished, plans loose ends everywhere.

And those unfinished things can quietly drain you. So the invitation here isn't to become some perfectly organized finisher. It's to define what done means for you and let yourself complete small things on purpose. Because small completions build trust with yourself. Small completions create momentum. Small completions reduce mental clutter. Small completions are powerful and you deserve credit for every one of them.

So as we wrap up here, I want you to take this with you. You don't have to read the whole book to benefit from it. Just applying 1 or 2 of these principles can shift your day. Try doing one small thing today without worrying about perfection. Try giving yourself permission to focus on just a few deep hours of work, and then let your brain breathe.

Try starting from sanity instead of chasing it. Try caring without caring. Try finishing one tiny thing so your brain can exhale. And most of all, remember this you're not behind. You're human and you're doing better than you think.

I want to thank you all for your precious time and attention. If you're not on my email list, why not?

I will come into your email box every week. All you have to do is go to http://www.learntothrivewithadhd.com/weekly, and I will be sending you the latest ADHD information that I'm putting out. And we're going to start with a tip section as well. And so that will come to you each week. And speaking of that, I will see you all next week.