The Quiet Warrior Podcast with Serena Low

75. How To Move Forward When You Don't Have All The Answers

• Serena Low, Introvert Coach for Quiet Achievers and Quiet Warriors

Share episode

In this solo episode, I delve into the process of finding the right next step in life, especially when it feels like you need to have all the answers before moving forward. I reflect on my own experiences of overthinking and the pressure to please others, and how that led me to miss the joy of simply being curious and exploring the unknown.

Through this episode, I share how reconnecting with my younger self has allowed me to embrace my authentic self and take the next step in my journey with confidence. This practice of self-acceptance, compassion, and deep inner work is a powerful tool for introverts and quiet achievers, especially those navigating the challenges of perfectionism and the need for external validation.

This episode is an invitation to take the time to sit with your younger self, offer the compassion and support you may not have received, and embrace your authenticity. If you're ready to go beyond intellectual understanding and do the deeper work needed for lasting transformation, reach out to me for support.

If you found this episode helpful, please rate and review The Quiet Warrior Podcast to help us reach more quiet achievers who are ready to step into their power and embrace their authentic selves.

Connect with Serena:

Subscribe to The Visible Introvert newsletter for weekly tips and stories of how to amplify your quiet strengths without having to act extroverted.

Join me on LinkedIn where I actively share empowering ways to show up professionally and socially as my highest introverted self.


This episode was edited by Aura House Productions

Speaker 1:

Hi, I'm Serena Loh. If you're used to hearing that introverts are shy, anxious, antisocial and lack good communication and leadership skills, then this podcast is for you. You're about to fall in love with the calm, introspective and profound person that you are. Discover what's fun, unique and powerful about being an introvert, and how to make the elegant transition from quiet achiever to quiet warrior in your life and work anytime you want, in more ways than you imagined possible. Welcome Today I'm trying something a little bit different. Instead of using my Samsung microphone, I'm speaking directly to my phone, so what I wanted to talk about is how to know what the next step is for you now.

Speaker 1:

I know a lot of people say that they need clarity first, and this was me. I have been that person that needed every answer worked out. I needed to know all the details. I needed every possible exit route, every plan B, plan C, every way of anticipating what if the worst happens. Worst happens, and because I was often so busy in my head overthinking all the worst case scenarios, I lost the joy of simply being curious and finding things out for myself, and so I realized that if I had been braver earlier in life, if I had tried more things failed more often, had more experiences, it would not have taken me so many decades to get this far, this far being not even that far yet. I'm only just getting started in my 50s, but for most of my life I was busy pleasing, placating, trying to be perfect, trying to tick all the boxes, trying to earn the recognition to hear someone say you're really competence, I think you've got great things in you, and I realise now what I didn't know then, that these are the things we can and should be saying to ourselves every day. We don't need an external person, an authority figure, to certify or accredit our competence or our lived experience or all the mistakes we've made that have made us wiser, richer, more rounded, more human.

Speaker 1:

I remember when a supervisor once asked me how are you, how are you doing? And my immediate answer was to deflect the question and go straight into a list of all the things I had been doing, things I felt proud of, things I felt a sense of pride and achievement in, and she gently pointed out I asked you how you are you're doing, you know, how are you feeling about things? But instead you have told me all the things you are doing, and that moment crystallized for me this habit of bypassing recognizing sitting with being honest about my emotional state, of where I am at any point being comfortable enough to recognize what that emotion is, being comfortable enough to talk about it and instead defaulting to action mode. And yes, I can point to my early conditioning as the root cause of why I always feel I need to be doing and busy. But I think it's more important now that that I know what I know to practice being, and to me what that looks like, is going back to who I was as a child, before I became overly conditioned and overly aware of what adults and authority figures perceived as who I should be.

Speaker 1:

And when I think back far enough to about maybe three or four years old, even five years old, when I look back at the few baby photos you know, those black and white old photos I see innocence, I see joy. I don't see any self-consciousness yet I just see an ordinary child being herself Laughing, smiling, lovable. Fast forward a few years and the photos start to look different. Fast forward a few years and the photos start to look different. I'm looking self-conscious. I'm avoiding the camera, avoiding eye contact, looking sideways In class photos, I'm sandwiched between two people and standing awkwardly as if I'm trying to hide myself and a little more. And when I'm standing with my peers, with my friends, it's really obvious who's the nerdy one and who's the cool one. It's really obvious who's the confident one and who's that awkward one.

Speaker 1:

And where does all this self-consciousness, body consciousness, anxiety about our image come from? It comes from the stories we were told, and the stories we told ourselves. And I think the stories we told ourselves are even more profound and significant and we need to look at them. We need to ask ourselves why we told those stories. What did those stories do for me? How did they help me? And I think, at the very root of it, we find that we were just trying to be safe. We were trying to protect ourselves. We were trying to keep that precious part of us away from people who would harm us in some way, people who were negative, people, who were overly critical, people who were judgmental, people who could shame us, people who had power over us and who were not afraid to use that power in a way that felt intrusive, maybe even abusive.

Speaker 1:

And so when I go back to sit with my younger self, with my four-year-old self, I like to remind her that even then, long before she knew what the world was about or knew that she had to perform to expectations, she was already loved and lovable. And if she didn't receive the love that she needed at that time, if she didn't feel safe in her world at that time, things are different. Now she's got me, and together we're going to take care of things and make sure that she's okay, to make sure that she gets the space to speak her mind, to be herself fully, to express everything that is on her soul, whether that's through words, through music, through art, through just being her unique, quirky self, her own brand of humour, her way of moving through the world, to let her know that just the fact that she exists is already something miraculous and magical and that, whatever else she decides to do with her life as she grows up, it is fine. And so this is an invitation to you too that you can do this enormously profound, important inner work for yourself, simply by sitting with your younger self, having a conversation, giving yourself a hug, giving yourself the love, the words of affirmation, the physical touch, the assurances that you feel you didn't receive as a child. All of us can do this for ourselves as a child. All of us can do this for ourselves right now, and if you need extra support with this process, let me know.

Speaker 1:

I'm also a certified root cause therapist. What I do is help my clients to go beyond the intellectual, because we are done intellectualizing. We know that our solutions lie much deeper, that it is what happened a long time ago. That could be the reason why we are showing up the way we do, that it's not just another theory, another concept, another framework, another three ways to do something that's going to help us. What we need is far deeper, and we're ready to do this brave walk.

Speaker 1:

So if that is, you reach out to me. Let's have a conversation so we can help you to get back in touch with who you are, with how you feel, with the essence of you, and help you find and rekindle that magic that is already inside you. See you on the next episode. I'm so grateful that you're here today. If you found this content valuable, please share it on your social media channels and subscribe to the show on your favorite listening platform. Together, we can help more introverts thrive. To receive more uplifting content like this, connect with me on Instagram at Serena Lo Quiet Warrior Coach. Thank you for sharing your time and your energy with me. See you on the next episode.