134. Conscious Love & Congruent Living: How Introverts Build Deep Relationships | Christian de la Huerta

What does it mean to live, love, and lead congruently—especially as an introvert in a noisy world?

In this deeply reflective conversation, Serena Low and transformational coach and bestselling author Christian de la Huerta explore the quiet, courageous work of authenticity, conscious relationships, and inner freedom.

Together, they unpack what it means to be a modern-day hero—not through grand gestures, but through the everyday choices we make to respond with awareness instead of reaction.

If you’ve ever felt unseen or torn between staying true to yourself and keeping the peace, this episode will gently guide you back to your centre.

In This Episode, We Explore:

• What it means to live congruently — where your inner world matches how you show up externally
• Why authenticity can feel difficult — and why it’s still the most liberating path
• A powerful reframe of the hero’s journey in modern life
• How introverts build deep, meaningful relationships (and why small talk often feels draining)
• The truth about triggers: what they reveal about your inner world
• How relationships act as a mirror for self-awareness and growth
• The shift from “you hurt me” to “this is how I feel” — and why it changes everything
• Why no one else is responsible for your happiness (and what to do instead)
• The concept of the “eye of the storm” — staying grounded amidst chaos
• How breathwork can support emotional regulation and inner clarity

Key Takeaways

• Authenticity is both simple and courageous — it asks you to shed conditioning and return to who you truly are
• Triggers are teachers — they point to patterns and unmet needs within us
• Introversion is not a weakness — it is a depth-oriented strength that fosters meaningful connection
• Conscious relationships accelerate growth — they reveal blind spots we cannot see alone
• Personal responsibility is freedom — when you stop outsourcing your happiness, everything shifts
• The Quiet Warrior path is heroic — it’s the daily practice of choosing awareness, compassion, and alignment

About Christian de la Huerta

Christian de la Huerta is a transformational coach, TEDx speaker, and award-winning author with over 30 years of experience helping individuals and couples create more authentic, fulfilling relationships.

His work focuses on reclaiming personal power, healing unconscious patterns, and transforming the way we relate—to ourselves and others.

His books include:

• Awakening the Soul of Power
• Conscious Love: Transforming Our Relationship to Relationships

Connect with Christian

• Website: soulfulpower.com
• TEDx Talk: The Power of the Breath

Work With Serena Low

If this conversation resonated with you, and you're ready to be seen, heard, and recognised—without performing extroversion:

Book a SEEN executive diagnostic call here:
https://serenalow.com.au

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This episode was edited by Aura House Productions

Transcript

Welcome And Meet Christian

SPEAKER_02 0:02

Welcome. I'm excited for you to meet my special guest today, Christian De La Huerta, transformational coach, award-winning author, TEDx speaker with 30 years of experience guiding individuals and couples towards fulfilling relationships. He helps clients break free from internal barriers to love, fostering authentic connections through his unique approach that transcends conventional therapy. His latest book, Conscious Love, builds on this work, providing practical tools for deeper intimacy. His previous bestseller, Awakening the Soul of Power, raised by Gloria Estefan, has garnered multiple prestigious awards as well. Christian, welcome to the Quiet Warrior Podcast.

SPEAKER_01 0:48

Hi, Serena. So happy to be here with you. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 0:52

Thank you.

What It Means To Live Congruently

SPEAKER_02 0:53

My first question for you, Christian, has to do with what you said about the journey of living congruently. I want to ask you, what does that mean to you? And how has that changed from when you were growing up?

SPEAKER_01 1:07

Wow, deep question. Well, to me, living congruently means that we're living authentically, that how we are in the world, how we behave, what we say matches the insight, right? It matches what we believe and what we think and that matches our values. As opposed to like what so many of us do, and most of us have done, you know, we show up one way at work, another way with our friends, another way with our parents and our siblings, another way with our lovers or spouses, which can be exhausting, right? And of course, we always retain the choice about how much to share about ourselves in each of those situations, but no matter who we're with, we're being authentically who we are. And that is such a relief.

SPEAKER_02 1:58

How did you learn to be congruent? At what point did you start noticing that there was some disharmony or some misalignment? And then was that what led you to make a conscious effort to change?

SPEAKER_01 2:14

Yeah, I mean it's a yes. Um I mean, I think I always had like an intuitive sense. And I think most of us do, right? There's something that just feels a little bit off when we're not being authentically ourselves. Um, in my case, it was it was a big thing. It was like most of my teenage years, I was harboring this deep secret, you know, that I was that I was gay. Um and like my family didn't even know until I was my you know, like middle teenage to my siblings. I didn't even come out to my parents till my my late teens and my early twenties. Um so I mean, I don't think it has to be that dramatic in terms of withholding part of who we are, but in my case it certainly was. So I I certainly have developed that value and that inner, you know, kind of sonar to know when when I was a little bit off off track. And so I'm actually really grateful for that experience because I'm just I'm just fiercely authentic these days.

SPEAKER_02 3:22

Thank you so much for sharing that. I love the word fiercely because in the context of what you just shared and what you've been through, that comes out with a different flavor. That comes out with the I think with the strength of that quiet warrior, that there is something to defend, something to speak up for, something to be true to that is really important to you.

SPEAKER_01 3:43

Well, very and very congruent with your book, right? And that theme of the quiet warrior and and the warrior with the the hero within. Um and I think we all have access to that. And and it's as simple and as difficult as being authentically who we are. And I mean, and simple because we are who we are, but for many of us, I know it was for me, it was a journey of discovery, um, and a journey of shedding, you know, conditioning that we took, that we take on from society or from culture or from religion or from family. And navigating these hard questions, these hard existential questions. Who am I and why am I here? And what do I want to do with this wild and precious life? Like the quote says, the poet says. Um, and it's hard work, it's heroic work, even, I would say. Um, because in the process, we have to go inside and face ourselves and face those difficult questions. Um and decide what we want to keep and what we want to shed, that no longer serves, that we know behaviors, beliefs that we may have outgrown. Um, so it's to me, it's nothing less than heroic and infinitely worthwhile. Infinitely. And it's so worth it to take that journey because to me, as far as I'm concerned, that's where fulfillment lies.

Modern Heroism And The Courage To Pause

SPEAKER_02 5:05

I agree with you that that is a good explanation of the heroic journey, the hero's journey, which leads me then to ask you in these times, in the 21st century, what does it mean to be a modern hero and why does this matter?

SPEAKER_01 5:23

Yeah, I think it's a huge question and very important. I'm really happy that you're writing about that yourself. Um, because most of us struggle with that word, right? We we we can honor it in somebody else, and we tend to externalize that admiration. It's easy to admire heroism in a warrior or a first responder, somebody who's actually physically putting their lives at risk in order to benefit another person or a larger group. Um, I think the pandemic helped us expand the definition of that word so that now we it's easy to include all the healthcare practitioners, all the people who made huge sacrifices to keep keep us all going and keep us safe and provided for and fed. Um but what about the rest of us? You know, what does that mean? Um, and I think to live authentically and to have the courage to go within and to face our challenges, our our inner demons, um, to look at ourselves, you know, fiercely to use that word again um and compassionately, right? So finding that balance between no BS and compassion. Um and to live from that place congruently, to use that word again, so that everything that's inside is a match for for how we're living. It's nothing less than heroic, um, in my perception. To, you know, to feel the ouch when somebody says something that that hurts us or that offends us and to not react automatically and hurt them back, that's nothing less than heroic. That's it. Anybody can do that. I don't anybody can do that immediate reaction. You did this to me, I'm gonna get you right back. But to feel the ouch and to ask the higher question, how do I really want to show up in the situation? So that we break those old and boring patterns of they do this, I do that, they do this, I do that. Boring. You know, we've done it a thousand times. Um, anybody can do that, to take that higher road and to feel the pain and to both bring choice into the equation, like, how do I want to show up and handle the situation in a different way? Um, and then to do the deeper work of like, wow, why does that even hurt me?

unknown 7:47

Right?

SPEAKER_01 7:47

Because maybe that's maybe it's the same behavior, the same comment. And they say it to you as like, oh, really, how interesting that they would think that way, how fascinating. So, why is it that in my case, when they say whatever they said, why is it that that it hurts me that I that it got me in some way? So, again, hard work to ask those questions, but but again, so worthwhile. Because say that, say that I have an issue about uh about being late, right? I have one of our that's I'm hypothetical, I really don't. Uh, but and so say that you and I have a mutual friend, um Joe. Um, and so I have Joe lunch with Joe on Monday, and Joe inevitably inevitably shows up late. So there I am, like, oh my God, I knew it. I should have told him a different time. He is so selfish, so inconsiderate. He only cares about himself and his schedule. Um then Joe gets there because we're so conditioned to avoid conflict, we don't say anything, right? So we just put on a fake smile, and then that sarcasm's just dripping out of the side of our mouth. Uh, and and the the barbs, the the you know, the subconscious barbs. Um, whereas you have lunch with Joe on Tuesdays, like, wow, he's late. Great. Let me answer that phone call, let me check the news, let me return that email. There's so many ways to respond to Joe's lateness. Why is it that gets it gets my go?

unknown 9:14

Right?

SPEAKER_01 9:15

So if we're willing to ask those hard questions and if we're willing to do that work, a lot of benefit can come from that. Because if I say I'm and again, going with a hypothetical, the process might look something like, well, it's not really when Joe shows up late. It's when anybody shows up late. That bugs me. So it's not even about Joe. So what is that? And if I get really honest and I zoom out even a bit further, it's not Joe up, it's not just when the anybody shows up late, it's when they cut me off in traffic, when they cut me off in conversation. Ah, interesting. So now it's it's a broader pattern. What is that? What am I really feeling underneath the anger at Joe's lateness? And it might be something like, well, I'm feeling disrespected, I'm feeling not valued, I'm feeling unseen, I'm feeling not loved and appreciated. And if I get really honest, those patterns are way older than my lunches with Joe. So once we become aware of those patterns, then we can do something about it. Because otherwise, as long as it remains in the unconscious, there's nothing we can do about it. So, not fun, again, to go through the process, but if we do it consciously, intentionally, um, incredible stuff comes from it.

SPEAKER_02 10:30

Wow. Thank you so much for that giving us that insight into how you think and how you process situations. So you mentioned, first of all, the question was how do I want to show up in this situation? And that means I need to take a step back and take myself out of this drama and become a sort of observer and ask myself, okay, now looking at myself as somebody else, I have a choice. I can carry on with the same old pattern, and we know how that ends, or I can exercise my autonomy and my self-agency, my self-leadership to be a different kind of person, maybe even a person I can be proud of. And I can choose differently, I can act differently, I can think differently. And I love you said also about the self-compassion element in that when we face that situation, we are being honest about what's happening. We're not discounting, we're not making up things or denying things, but at the same time, we are kind. Because I think when we are kind with ourselves, we can also be kind with other people. So those two are intertwined, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 11:40

Beautiful, beautifully said and beautifully wrapped up. Um yeah, you know, you you point to a couple of really interesting things. Um to me, it's about personal freedom. And and if I'm giving Joe that much power over my happiness, my state of being, my peace of mind, like I'm just giving my power away. So, I mean, there's many different choices that I have in in relationship to Joe's behavior. If it continues happening, I can stop having lunch with him. I can have a difficult conversation with Joe and say something rather than pointing the finger, which is what most of us do and say, Joe, you're so selfish and you only care about your schedule, and you're always late and you're so inconsiderate, right? And we know how those those conversations end.

SPEAKER_00 12:44

Your feelings would have been completely different in response to his lateness.

SPEAKER_01 12:48

So I might say something like, you know, Joe, whenever you show up late for our meetings, I feel unappreciated. I feel unloved, I feel uncared for, and I don't want to feel this way. And we work on this, you know, we try this relationship in a different way.

unknown 13:09

Right?

SPEAKER_01 13:09

So framing it in a way that he's not feeling attacked and owning my feelings, which are my feelings.

SPEAKER_02 13:18

I think that's one of the go ahead, go ahead. I think that's one of the principles of communication. Then when we say I as opposed to you, it feels less of an attack. And it doesn't make the other person feel like they they need to justify or defend themselves.

SPEAKER_01 13:38

Exactly, exactly.

unknown 13:41

Right.

SPEAKER_01 13:41

And we're starting by affirming the relationship. Like I'm saying, I like our weekly lunches, I w I like our relationship, but in order to continue having these lunches, it's like something's gotta shift. Right? And and only and two things can shift. Either his behavior can shift, hopefully, he cares enough to do that, or I can just say, screw it, you know. I'm just gonna assume that he's gonna be late. I'm gonna lie to him about the time I'm gonna show up, or I'm just gonna bring some stuff to do while I wait for him and just accept the fact that he's gonna be late. That's my other option.

SPEAKER_02 14:18

So you do have options.

SPEAKER_01 14:20

Yes, yes. Always, we always have options.

SPEAKER_02 14:25

It's a good one to remember.

Introversion Myths And Hidden Gifts

SPEAKER_02 14:27

Let's talk about introversion. Now, you'd mentioned when we first started talking that you're an introvert as well, and so I I would love to hear your take on what the gifts and the myths around introversion are.

SPEAKER_01 14:42

I love that. Well, my understanding of introversion and my experience of it is that we figure out and we process how we feel about things and what we think about things internally. And once we get clear about how we think and what we feel, then we're ready to communicate them. Whereas an extrovert starts speaking and they're trying to, and they figure out what they feel and how and how and what's going on in their mind as they're speaking. So it's a different stylistic approach. Um I personally, you know, and I have always felt this way, but I'm really grateful to be an introvert. Um I think in my experiences it's added a lot of depth to my relationships. Um, I don't do surface level relationships well. And I would assume that would apply to most introverts. Um, you know, I think, I think as an introvert, I at least speaking for myself, I'm comfortable in deep waters. Um I'm not great at chit chat and superficial BS. I'm not great at those level conversations, especially like, you know, dinner with 10 or 12 and just superficial stuff going on. Not good at that. I don't enjoy that. Um, but I'm really good about taking deep dives and going deep and asking questions of that other person that they wouldn't probably haven't even thought about themselves or maybe haven't even have never been asked in a conversation. That's that's those are the deep levels I I like to swim in.

SPEAKER_02 16:23

I know exactly what that means. I I run an introvert-specific community, and I've noticed that when people who don't know each other meet for the first time, but they all know that they are there because they are introverted, something magical happens. No small talk, no chit-chat, they just bypass all that and just go straight into really deep topics. And I can remember they talk about family history and DNA and you know, all kinds of things, you know, sometimes little vulnerable shares, which they would never do with anybody else. But just because they feel like, you know, they're on the same frequency, this is a safe space, these are my people. I can talk freely here, and these people get me. It's that kind of recognition, I think, is just so special.

SPEAKER_01 17:10

Yeah. And I think in relationships and in life, there's an advantage to that. There was a book some years ago. I never read it, but I remember because the title caught my attention. But it was called the Introvert Advantage. Um, and I think that approach to relationship definitely has an advantage, maybe not in the immediate, but in the long, in the long term for sure. Because it deepens our connections.

SPEAKER_02 17:36

Deep connections, like deep roots. I think that's what keeps relationships sustainable.

Conscious Love And Relationships As Mirrors

SPEAKER_02 17:42

Now tell us about your book, Conscious Love, Transforming Our Relationship to Relationships. What led you to write it? Who is it for? What is its core message?

SPEAKER_01 17:54

It's actually almost a continuation of the other book you mentioned, Awakening, um Awakening the Soul of Power, which is part the part of a series. The three, there's two books written, there's a third one coming. And the series is called Calling All Heroes. So going back on that theme of what it means to live heroically in the 21st century. So the first one's about power. Like, how do we, why do we have an ambivalent relationship to power? Part of us wants it, part of us is afraid of it. And no wonder. And I think part of what we fear is that we might abuse it. And how many abuses of power have each of us witnessed in our lives, both in our personal lives and collectively out in the world? And so, what good-hearted person wants to be an abuser of power? So we kind of rejected because on top of that, we've been conditioned to believe that power is a bad thing, power is a negative thing, with quotes like power corrupts. An absolute power corrupts absolutely. And what good person wants to be corrupted? So we get confused about our relationship to power, and we end up giving our power away. We like throw the baby out with the water and we reject power. Um, and then we think, wow, I mean, we we have a hard time navigating life in the relationships because we've given our power away and we end up settling for less. Um, we end up saying yes when inside we really feel no. But we have again that avoidance of conflict thing, and we don't want to rock the boat of a relationship too much. So we end up overriding our authentic feelings, our beliefs, our preferences, our desires, even our dreams, in order to maintain that illusion of security, in quotes, of a particular particular relationship. So then I, as I was writing that book and interviewing people for it, I realized, and the more I thought about it, that the area where most of us give away our power is in that intimate, romantic, sexual relationship arena. And so then I thought, well, I need to go deeper. I need to go deeper and figure out why it is that otherwise people that are incredibly successful. Um, you know, I know one that comes to mind is vice president of an international conglomerate. So an and a real vice president, not like a bank vice president. They have a vice, they you know, they have one in every branch in every corner. So it's like the real vice president. Um, incredibly successful, incredibly beautiful home. Um, and yet in her personal life, she had never had a real relationship. She came to me probably in her 50s, had never had a real relationship, and nothing to, you know, of consequence, nothing to write home about. And so, long story short, after you know, a couple of retreats with me and diving into um, you know, that that deep work that we're talking about and facing herself and the hard questions, she long story short, I I married, she met somebody and I married them three years ago. Uh, so so it's about that's what I mean by transforming our relationship to relationship. Subconsciously, she had a fear. Understandable, understandable, uh, given her history. You know, there have been some incidents of abuse and violation of trust at a young age. So understandably, she was not able to really extend trust to a man, to a male figure. And, but not even aware of why that had happened. Like she had suppressed the stuff, the trauma so deeply, had no awareness of it. So all she was aware is you know, the superficial behavior that her relationships never worked. Um, and so it was during the kind of deep heroic work that you and I are talking about, uh, she was able to face it and understand why things were and why she was doing the things she was doing, what she was trying to protect herself. From and then make a choice, right? Because there's no law that says you have to be in relationship to be happy and to be fulfilled. If we do them consciously, they really speed up the process. So I tell you know, people if you want to shine a light on those blind spots that are in the back of our head that we're never going to see, because it's in the back of our heads. But if you do the relationship consciously, it's a safe bet that if whatever your partner is doing, or your spouse, um, or or it applies to any relationship, really, a friend, parent, coworker, whatever they're doing, the more, the more that it bugs you, whatever that behavior is, the clearer the sign that we are doing that in some other way. Um, because otherwise it wouldn't bug us. Right? So going back to the Joe example, if I were going to continue with that, I would figure out that, well, I'm not late, I don't show up late to behaviors, but once I got to the deeper act of not feeling respected, it's like, well, have I ever done stuff that that another person could feel disrespected? Sure, I've cut off people in traffic if I was trying to get into the fast lane or something. Um so yes, right, it's it's really easy like to again point the finger of blame and and judge the other. But if we want to be free and do relationships consciously, meaning using that container, the framework of the relationship, the opportunity for growth is incredible. Because then I could start noticing stuff that I would have never noticed in the abstract. You know, it reminds me of that story of the enlightened master who lived in a cave, cave up in the Himalayas for decades and finally came out, and word soon got out and spread among the villagers. Oh my God, she came out, she came out. And so, you know, she's quickly, quickly surrounded by by all the other villagers. And they're asking her, Master, Master, what have you learned? Clears her throat because she hadn't spoken for years. She goes, My children, I have conquered anger. It's like, oh my God, she conquered anger. That's great. What else have you learned? She's like befuddled, like years to conquer anger. Like, I've conquered anger. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What else have you learned? I conquered anger. Went back into the cave. Right. So it's it's easy to have those states of being in the abstract by yourself. In the push and pull of relationship, that's nothing short of heroism. To to maintain equanimity and to maintain that balance that we were talking about, of honoring ourselves, ourselves and our preferences, and having respectful boundaries.

SPEAKER_02 24:43

That would lead to a whole other conversation. You've just reminded me of that Joseph Campbell quote, that the cave we fear to enter contains the treasure that we seek. And I think there's two aspects to your cave story. So it's also about Yes, it's about living life in the in the concrete, in the present, in the now, with all the different challenges, acknowledging these challenges, being aware of them. And the other, of course, is that it's that idea of you know the mirror that you said. Other people are like a mirror that we hold up to ourselves. And we really sometimes don't want to look in the mirror because we are afraid of what we will see, of what's going to be reflected back to us. So that takes courage and that takes humility to say, oh, okay, okay, I take the point that, you know, something's being, you know, taught me here, and that's a lesson for me to learn as well.

SPEAKER_01 25:36

Yeah. And it and it's a safe bet. Like, like a few, I'm like, I've been doing this kind of work for over 30 years. So I'm pretty self-aware. And it takes a lot for me to lose, you know, like to like lose it and say something that I regret saying, um, you know, to react and then regret. But a few years ago, I took my mom on a cruise. And we went from, I think we started out in Rio de Janeiro and ended up in in Argentina, in Buenos Aires. 10 days at sea. Mistake number one, we shared a cabin. My mother doesn't travel lightly, you know. She so she slept, you know, travels with at least one pillow. Um, she had sleep apnea, you know, so it's like like sharing a cabin with Darth Vader the entire night, like that. And you know, like she's yeah, she used to be a little, she's no longer with us, but she was high maintenance. And so 10 days, like I'm I'm having to practice all my secrets, all my skills to not react. Um, and then you see what? And I'm doing great. And then we we last day in in Buenos Aires, and we go to this famous um flea market there, I forget what it's called. But anyway, she sees this ring that she has to have and didn't have enough cash. I didn't have enough cash because I had left the stash of emergency money back at the apartment that we were renting. And so I tell her, Well, yeah, not thinking that any rational human being would want to dip into an emergency stash, but she goes, okay. And so, like, I'm I'm working through it myself because I'm being, of course, I can say no. I'm very aware that I can say no, mom. I don't want to tap into that money, but it's my it's my mom. Right? So it's like, of course, I my my dad had passed. We figured out it was her anniversary. My dad, my dad would always give her, you know, jewelry and gifts. So I thought, no, it's just great. It's sweet for her to have something on her anniversary. But then we got back home, and now we have to go clear across town in a different direction to go to the get the damn ring before we go to the restaurant where we had a reservation and the tango show. And my mom didn't move, didn't move fast. So she we're running time's going by, like, mom, we gotta go, mom, we gotta go. Finally, we get in the cab, and I go get the ring, get back in the cab, and I forget what she said. But that was it. That was like the last straw that broke the camel's back. And I'm watching myself as this like the judgment and the venom is going on. I was like, Mom, you have no self-discipline. You've been having this frenzy of shopping and eating this entire 10 days, and you have no self-control. And I'm, of course, regretting it the moment is coming out of my mouth. And she was great. She like didn't just didn't defend, didn't respond, didn't take it personally. And of course, now she's happy with a big old ring on her finger. But she goes, Yeah, you're right. Flash forward a couple of months later, and I'm in New York, and my my friend Holly was a personal shopper. And she's just out of the blue tone, hey, I heard you in town. Let me gift you with a day a personal shopping. It's like, wow, I've never had a personal shop. That sounds kind of interesting. Not realizing that, of course, she's not going to take me to you know, Nordstrom Rack or or you know, any of the discounted stores. So like $4,000 later, um, which is more than I'd probably spend in clothing in in five, 10 years. I'm sitting back at my friend's apartments surrounded by bags, um, like not even know what to do, because I'm like an overwhelm about about all this stuff that I bought. And I so I said, Who's gonna appreciate this but my mom, you know, the the shopaholic? So I call her and I start telling her, it's like, yo, I got this and I got that and the other thing. And I just I don't know if it was she had been holding on to it, if it was just like a moment of inspiration, she goes, Oh, so you went into the frenzy busted. I I, you know, what's in there, it's in here too. I just have it a lot better managed. So so that's why I say that if we use our relationships um consciously, we will transform all of our relationships and we can really learn to grow and see a lot of those blind spots and do something about them.

SPEAKER_02 30:07

So that's what relationships are for.

SPEAKER_01 30:10

Yes, I think so. I think so. I mean there's a lot, there's a lot, there's a lot more to relationships too. Um, but I think ultimately, I think so. I think it's to to grow.

SPEAKER_00 30:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:24

Because the way that I think about it, and I think I would imagine anybody listening to this um and having stayed this long in the conversation, I think we all know that there isn't anybody out there who's gonna make us happy. And it's not their job too, how unfair to put that responsibility on someone else. You are gonna make me happy. Yikes, that's a big responsibility. Um, so if we approach the relationship from that perspective, it's like we are responsible for our own happiness, then that kind of puts the relationship in context, right? It's great to have somebody to go through life with, to travel with, to make love with, to maybe have family with if you're so inclined. Um then what, right? Then that's great. Then what? So if we add that extra layer of definition of conscious relationship, then we really make the most out of them.

SPEAKER_02 31:20

What I'm hearing is it starts with self-awareness, but then also self-responsibility. So we're not putting it on other people. A lot of us still do, still have that starry-eyed idea of someone out there who makes me happy and who completes me. And I think as mature, healthy, functioning adults, perhaps it's time to think of I'm responsible for making myself happy. And if somebody else comes along and we, you know, can complement each other and help each other grow in that way and enjoy being together, then that's something to talk about. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:01

Exactly. But nobody's gonna make us whole and complete. We are whole and complete in ourselves, and and that doesn't exclude that we're always growing. Because to me, to me, that's that's part of what's exciting about relationships. In that push and pool of accommodating your your desires and preferences and dreams and mine, there's a lot of possibility for conflict.

SPEAKER_00 32:22

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 32:22

Um, but learning how to navigate that conflict consciously um it's a huge opportunity for growth. Huge opportunity for growth. And for us to see more clearly who we are in deep ways. So it's to me, relationships done intentionally are just priceless, and their work, honorable work, heroic work.

SPEAKER_00 32:49

So let's zoom out a bit.

Eye Of The Storm In Hard Times

SPEAKER_02 32:51

With this concept of conscious relationships, I think we can agree we're living in complex times. A lot of people are feeling heaviness, feeling uncertainty, feeling anxiety. How can conscious love or a conscious relationship help us to love one another or at least get along with people, especially those who have views and beliefs different from our own?

SPEAKER_01 33:17

Heavy sigh, Serena. That's a that's a deep question. Uh yeah, we're navigating really challenging and difficult times. Um and and so, Tino, I'm from the tropics. I'm Cuban born. I my family lived in Miami, so I went to high school in Miami. So the visual of like a superstorm is very vivid, you know, like a hurricane. And so the image that comes to mind for me in how to navigate through these chaotic times is eye of the storm, right? So that we maintain our center. We know who we are, we know what makes us tick, we know what we like and what we don't like. We know when we need to be a little extra careful if you know and a little bit more mindful because we might be navigating rough waters or we haven't eaten or if we haven't slept enough, or whatever, whatever our personal triggers are. So we the more aware, like you said, right? It all begins with self-awareness. Um, then the greater the chance that we can walk that center or the storm and allow people their stuff, right? Because to do the try to control other people's lives and behavior, good luck with that. It doesn't work. I hope anybody who's who's stayed this long knows that. The only thing we can do is have a choice about is how we respond to their stuff, right? So that we are responsible for maintaining that eye of the storm, allowing all the drama in the world, all the unknown, allowing other people's perceptions, their judgments, their expectations, allowing them to have it, but without letting ourselves get triggered by it. Right? It's it's that balance, um, which is masterful and it's heroic. It's heroic work to be able to navigate life in that way. Um, but when we put that in context, then all of our relationships become great teachers. Even the ones that get our goat become greater teachers, right? Because then if we're willing to turn that mirror around rather than shoving in their face, you do this, you do that, you never do this, you never do that, right? Turning that mirror around and facing ourselves saying, how do I do that? Right? How is it that I do that? Because it may not show up in relationship with others, but does it show up in relationship with ourselves? Yes. Guaranteed that if if we're feeling disrespected, dishonored, unloved, uncared for, we're doing that in some way ourselves. Um, or or or the fact that we're even putting up with that kind of behavior and that treatment from others, there's something going on inside, right? There's that choice. Like nobody says that we have to stay in any relationship that doesn't serve us, that doesn't honor who we are. Um so I don't think there's a way around that taking responsibility for for it all. If you want to be free, right? If you want to, if you want to coast through life and just blame others and knock yourself out. Um but if you want to be free, if you want to fulfill your potential, become the most that you can be and heal all the stuff and all the conditioning that we've picked up along the way uh so that we can have that chance to really um become the most that we can be and fulfill that unique human potential. I don't think there's any way around being willing to look inside and having to face those hard questions. Um, and you know, why do we do the thing, the things we do? Why does that stuff trigger me? All those hard questions. Why do I keep repeating these same patterns in relationships? That sometimes it feels like the same boring movie, only with a different co-lead, a different actor, same kind of crap, same arguments, same stuff, only with a different actor. So who's the common denominator in every one of those relationships? And once we get serious about ourselves in that way and willing to face those hard questions, everything opens up. The possibility of freedom opens up.

Breathwork Resources And Closing Invitations

SPEAKER_02 37:31

I love this. Before we wrap up, what is the best way for people to get in touch with you, work with you, and find out more about your work?

SPEAKER_01 37:42

The best way is my probably my website, soulfulpower.com, S-O-U-L-F-U-L-E-O-W-E-R.com. And by the way, to uh to add a little bit more to that previous question, the best technique and tools that I have found in order to be able to go within and maintain that eye of the storm is using the breath. Um, and there's a lot to be we could do a whole hour and just talking about the breath and the and the power of the breath. I have a TED TEDx talk by that theme, the power of the breath. Um, but it's something that is so accessible to every one of us. And and it heals in so many, so many, so many different ways. So um encourage everybody uh listening to to do some research about breath work.

SPEAKER_02 38:29

Excellent. So we'll make sure to put the links to your website as well as your TEP talk in the show notes so that people can research and start looking into the power of the breath, but also about everything you've said so far about conscious love, conscious relationships, the importance of self-compassion and honesty, the mirror. I think that's the most compelling for me, how relationships act as a mirror to ourselves and give us that awareness of our own triggers, our own gaps, you know, our own areas for improvement, but also not putting the responsibility on someone else to make us happy or complete, but recognizing that we are whole and complete by ourselves and that it is our responsibility to then you know enter relationships as an active conscious player, not as someone to whom things happen and then we're blaming and externalizing, but really I am here, I'm responsible. Let me be curious, let me zoom out, let me figure out what actually is happening, let me go deeper, let me do the the deep work.

SPEAKER_01 39:37

And that like you said a beautiful way to wrap up the whole thing, beautifully.

SPEAKER_02 39:42

Thank you. Thank you for introducing us to your idea of the heroic journey and what it takes to go into that cave and look for those treasures and then come out again. And I think at this time, particularly, what you said about the eye of the storm and the importance of letting all that swirl around us, recognizing that it is there, I accept it, I acknowledge it, but I will not let it dent the essence of who I am as a human being.

SPEAKER_01 40:13

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 40:14

So thank you so much, Christian, for sharing your wisdom with us today on the Quiet Warrior Podcast.

SPEAKER_01 40:20

Thank you so much, Serena, for having me on the show and for having the show. Because in your in your willingness to do that, I know many uh people in general, and in particular, many other fellow introverts are being helped and supported. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 40:36

Thank you. If you're ready to be seen and promoted without having to perform extroversion, I invite you to book a private Zoom call with me at serenalo.com.au. See you on the next episode. I'm so grateful that you're here today. If you found this content valuable, please share it on your social media channels and subscribe to the show on your favorite listening platform. Together we can help more introverts thrive. To receive more uplifting content like this, connect with me on Instagram at Serena Lo, Quiet Warrior Coach. Thank you for sharing your time and your energy with me. See you on the next episode.