30 Days in a Cage - The LOCKtober Challenge

Welcome to our latest podcast episode where we delve into the intriguing world of Locktober, a unique and captivating chastity challenge! In this episode, we discuss this self-initiated kink with Mr. Red an author of erotic stories, and an active participant in Locktober. We discuss its fascinating impact on his relationship and his personal experiences.

 Join us as we explore the following topics:

•  How Mr. Red got started in chastity and swinging
• Stories from some of his experiences with the challenge
• The mental and emotional aspects of chastity
• The effect on intimacy and relationships
• Expert insights into the world of Locktober

 Whether you're a seasoned Locktober participant or merely curious about the concept, this episode promises to provide valuable insights and ignite engaging conversations. Our special guest, Mr. Red, shares his own experiences and valuable perspective on the Locktober challenge.

 If you're looking to gain a deeper understanding of this captivating journey or simply interested in hearing some intriguing tales, don't miss this episode of Swinger University! Like, subscribe, and hit that notification bell to stay updated with our latest content.

 Join us on this enlightening and exciting exploration of Locktober and discover what it truly means to embrace the challenge. Your key to unlocking this unique episode is just a click away!

Transcript

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[Guest] Have you ever wanted to lock your dick in a cage[Guest] and not masturbate or have sex for an entire month?[Guest] I am sure most of you would not agree[Guest] to this self-initiated challenge, however.[Guest] Are you aware of the benefits?[Phoebe] Welcome to Swinger University.[Phoebe] I'm Phoebe.[Phoebe] And I'm Ed.[Phoebe] Join us as we explore the exciting world[Phoebe] of ethical, non-monogamy, sexual health,[Phoebe] and sex education with an intellectual and sexist.[Guest] Be sure to join our Patreon community[Guest] for the behind-the-scenes stories and extra sexy content.[Guest] We'd also like to throw out a shout out for Godfrey.[Guest] Thank you so much for the unedited live YouTube show.[Guest] We just recorded that last night.[Guest] Its authenticity is what makes your podcast so captivating.[Guest] You two are rock stars.[Guest] Thank you again, Godfrey, for watching[Guest] and giving us that feedback.[Phoebe] All right, what is October?[Phoebe] It is typically a male initiated kink.[Phoebe] It is a one month of volunteered abstinence[Phoebe] and it is a male chastity device.[Phoebe] Now when I say typically male initiated,[Phoebe] what other forms would it not be male initiated?[Guest] It could also be imposed by a dumb[Guest] and a dumb sub-relationship.[Phoebe] Well, it's October and this is what we're doing this year.[Guest] Time to put it away.[Phoebe] And you may not know if it's going to be[Phoebe] for two weeks a day or 30 days.[Unknown] Right.[Phoebe] The purpose of October is to reset that sexual appetite[Phoebe] to maybe gain better understanding of your body[Phoebe] and what you want from sex.[Phoebe] It can also be very rewarding.[Unknown] We are going to interview one of our favorite guests[Phoebe] and he is actually participated in October[Phoebe] for the full 30 days.[Phoebe] And I've backed, I think it's even been longer than 30 days.[Phoebe] And so we are going to introduce him now.[Phoebe] He's going to go by Mr. Red.[Phoebe] He is the author of many erotic stories[Phoebe] at Red Hot, Red Erotica.[Phoebe] If you haven't, sometimes what website you absolutely should go[Phoebe] and read some of these fabulous sexy stories.[Phoebe] In fact, we read some of those for our patrons.[Unknown] So if you want to hear them, please go and check those out.[Phoebe] He has been in a long-term marriage with Ms. Red.[Phoebe] My first question to Mr. Red is going to be,[Phoebe] how many years have you been doing this?[Unknown] Well, first of all, I'd like to say big thanks to you guys[Ed] for having me appreciate it.[Ed] This is a kink that started quite some time ago,[Ed] we've been married a long time.[Ed] And it really wasn't until the days of Tumblr[Ed] that I think many of us became aware of many things[Ed] that we probably had ideas in our head,[Ed] things that we thought, oh, it's just me.[Ed] And it's not that I was necessarily into the concept[Ed] of chess, I didn't know what that was[Ed] prior to kind of discovering it on Tumblr.[Ed] Not only am I a switch, but I'm highly kinky.[Ed] So for me, there's this kind of exploration of,[Ed] huh, I'd like to know more about that.[Ed] I'd like to try that.[Ed] For me, a lot of it also gets into the mental aspects.[Ed] There's physical challenge with a lot of kinks,[Ed] and then there's also obviously the mental challenge.[Ed] I first came across a couple of blogs online[Ed] that were Summed-down Cuckold dresses.[Ed] This woman is so over-the-top.[Ed] I probably wouldn't really want to know this person,[Ed] real life, because she is scary.[Unknown] I'm like, just like that.[Ed] But the stuff that she was doing to her husband,[Ed] there was just no denying that it turned to be on endlessly.[Ed] She's out being like kind of the quote-unquote hot wave[Ed] and having sex with other guys.[Unknown] She'd lock her husband up and go out on trists,[Ed] and maybe not even tell him.[Ed] We talk about ethical monogamy,[Ed] where you should be fully communicating with your partner.[Ed] But you also in kink, you're also[Ed] going into these concepts of sensual non-consent.[Ed] Right.[Ed] And so for me, that was a big part of it.[Ed] The kinky side wants some more kind of novelty[Ed] and work stream, sensation seeking kind of elements.[Ed] So when I came across this, I kind of brought it up to red.[Ed] She's not the kinky one in the relationship I am.[Ed] I am more the driver in this stuff.[Ed] We had ordered a chesty cage[Ed] one of those kind of clear plastic ones.[Ed] And I quickly found that like, oh, those aren't that great.[Ed] The lady on this blog used this company.[Ed] They're actually custom-made chesty devices.[Ed] My company called mature metal.[Ed] I had this chesty cage in, you know,[Ed] there's like sizing rings.[Ed] And so it's pretty, it's pretty specific to your own anatomy.[Ed] I had this ordered.[Ed] We kind of played with that.[Ed] And it was just fun.[Ed] And she wouldn't tell me she might be going away[Ed] on a business trip.[Ed] And she'd say, I'm going to lock you up.[Ed] That perspective I just loved, like that, you know,[Ed] the not knowing.[Ed] Right.[Ed] Subs are going to love that dynamic of being told what to do[Ed] and being surprised with stuff.[Ed] For me, that's kind of a big, big part of it.[Ed] So we just started with, I'm called light chesty,[Ed] being locked up for a couple of days.[Ed] And really wasn't until I became more aware of this locked[Ed] over where it was like, okay, now that's a piece.[Ed] Three.[Ed] Right.[Ed] I'm really sexual.[Ed] I mean, most guys are, but I can get off three or four times[Ed] a day like every day.[Ed] So thought of being locked up, you reaction to it would be like,[Ed] no, no, I think way.[Ed] There was no way I could do that.[Ed] And I think that it was also part of the appeal for me[Ed] is just, I'm a person that, like, I like challenge.[Ed] I'm like, oh, that seems really hard.[Ed] I like to try that.[Ed] Yes.[Ed] Oh, it's just going to start like that.[Ed] We got into it.[Ed] And there was, there was certainly challenges through it.[Ed] A week into it, you really start to notice behavioral changes,[Ed] meaning red and I have a great relationship[Ed] or attentive to each other.[Ed] But you definitely notice, oh, she's in control.[Ed] And so suddenly you'd find yourself doing more things for her.[Ed] It's really hard to explain.[Ed] You have to experience it.[Ed] And I don't know if it is a chemical process[Unknown] that happens in the brain or if it's just, well,[Ed] this person's in control, so I better be on my best behavior.[Ed] I can't really describe what that is,[Ed] but there is 100% a mental aspect of it[Ed] that kind of starts to take hold.[Ed] After a few days, you might be like, oh, you know,[Ed] I really want to get off, but then after a week or so,[Ed] I don't know how to explain it other than you get into it.[Ed] And you're like, oh, I can do this.[Ed] Like anything else that you challenge yourself,[Ed] whether it's fitness or any kind of other challenges in life,[Ed] there's personalities that just gravitate towards that.[Ed] So for me, it's kind of an easy thing to jump into.[Phoebe] Interesting.[Phoebe] So how did this initial conversation go with your wife?[Ed] And the way that I brought it up,[Ed] we're new to the quote unquote lifestyle, right?[Ed] A lot of this stuff that we do now[Ed] was instigated by me, so to speak.[Ed] I more have the wiring for it.[Ed] This started about, oh, good 10 years ago.[Ed] So prior to the Chastity, where I started[Ed] to kind of express myself more sexually[Ed] about certain desires and a lot of stuff[Ed] that I did that, you know, most wives[Ed] and I've been in a low relationship,[Ed] you should be like, you want to do what?[Ed] Right.[Ed] Right.[Ed] And so it was really those conversations[Ed] and kind of almost, I'm going to call it coming out.[Ed] If we're not homosexual, we can't really necessarily relate[Ed] to what it's like to quote, come out.[Ed] But in my mind, these sexual things[Ed] are like coming out.[Ed] Right.[Ed] I hope that's not a sense of anybody.[Ed] But there's things that you've bottled up[Ed] that are part of you that you haven't shared with people[Ed] that you then want to express with, you know, a loved one.[Unknown] Right.[Phoebe] Someone you deeply trust.[Ed] And so many deeply trust.[Ed] And it was that time it was challenging.[Ed] But I had a lot of these internal conversations[Ed] and then finally said, OK, I'm going[Ed] to have these conversations with her.[Ed] So that kind of opened up the bag.[Ed] I can't, so to speak.[Ed] And it really wasn't until a few years later[Ed] that I came across the chassis thing.[Ed] And so by then, because our level of communication[Ed] had increased, we were talking about different things[Ed] and trying different things, it was kind of easy[Ed] to have the conversation.[Phoebe] How does she like it?[Phoebe] Was it a progression for her?[Unknown] Initially, was she just, yeah, let's try it.[Phoebe] But then each year, as it goes by,[Phoebe] she was getting more and more into it.[Unknown] How did her experience change?[Ed] But she was, why would anybody want to do that?[Ed] It was, of course, the kind of the reaction, right?[Guest] Yeah.[Ed] I did have a book that I read, Mild Chasty,[Guest] of Key Holder's Guide, with the title of it.[Ed] A lot of things in there made sense to me[Ed] and were intuitive.[Ed] Like a lot of things, it's your challenge[Ed] to express yourself a certain way.[Ed] Sometimes it's really easy to listen[Ed] to something or read something[Ed] that is the topic of what you're interested in[Ed] and have your mate read that or listen to it with you.[Ed] That makes it a lot easier to talk about.[Ed] I'm sure a lot of your fans would knowledge it[Ed] with your podcast with, like, hey, honey,[Ed] let's listen to this swing of university[Ed] because you're talking about the thing[Ed] that I find interesting.[Ed] And then suddenly, it's an easier conversation.[Ed] The Tumblr blog, which I shared with red,[Ed] there's just a lot of stuff in there[Ed] that gave us different ideas and so forth[Ed] and the book helped with understanding.[Ed] So she kind of was like, you know,[Ed] had a little simaha's.[Ed] But again, if you're not a kinky person,[Ed] it's going to be a progression, as you pointed out.[Phoebe] Right, right.[Ed] And I think over time, as we just did different things[Ed] and things become more quote unquote normalized,[Ed] then it became easier.[Ed] And then she kind of did lean into it[Ed] and found it easier to kind of take a bit of a downroll[Ed] doing stuff that she wouldn't necessarily do.[Phoebe] What does she get out of it?[Phoebe] Did she find or discover that it felt really good[Phoebe] stepping into an area of control[Phoebe] that maybe she had never felt before[Phoebe] or did it change her in some way?[Ed] I think not as much changing her[Ed] as developing a deeper understanding.[Ed] I think that, you know,[Ed] it's not like she reveled in the different things,[Ed] but when she would see certain reactions,[Ed] that would make her more interested.[Phoebe] Right, right.[Ed] So let's just jump into some of the things[Ed] that we might have experienced[Ed] where, and I don't know,[Ed] we're this initiative, something that I brought up[Ed] or it's just something that she did.[Ed] And I don't know what the name for it is[Ed] other than getting urinated on.[Ed] You know, getting pissed off.[Ed] Oh, yeah.[Guest] Right.[Ed] So it'd be play, like water sports.[Ed] Right, right.[Ed] So one morning we get up[Ed] and she tells me, go to the shower and sit down.[Ed] And I'm like, huh, okay.[Ed] The shower sit down.[Ed] She comes in and goes,[Ed] she goes, do not turn the water up.[Ed] So I sit down and I'm in the shower.[Ed] Water's not on.[Ed] She gets in with me and she proceeds to pee all over me.[Guest] Wow.[Ed] And if, for those who are kind of into this stuff,[Ed] like they will connect with this,[Ed] but that, like there's certain things that can happen.[Ed] And if you have the submissive tendencies,[Ed] as she starts to pee on me,[Ed] I start going into subspace.[Ed] And I don't know how to describe subspace other than,[Ed] I don't know if it's a loss of mental capacity,[Ed] but you're just like,[Phoebe] It's like a deep meditation.[Ed] Yes, you are going to a different place.[Ed] There are no words or thoughts[Phoebe] you're not thinking about the grocery list,[Phoebe] or anything in your head.[Phoebe] You've just kind of zoned out.[Ed] To zoned out, you can even not hyperventilating,[Ed] but almost like short of breath in the moment[Ed] with something like like you're so kind of excited[Ed] by it, you know, short of breath kind of a thing.[Ed] That would happen.[Ed] And then, so there were a variety of things like that[Ed] that she would do when I was locked up.[Ed] One time, she unlocked me,[Ed] and then she gave me a ruined orgasm.[Ed] And, you know, so the ruined orgasm.[Ed] And so most guys understand what a ruined orgasm is,[Ed] because we've all kind of experiences,[Ed] where it can happen during sex.[Ed] For me, it's only happened a few times[Ed] during sex throughout my entire life.[Ed] I've experienced it masturbating,[Ed] I've experienced it having sex,[Ed] where you're building two climax.[Ed] And then, right as you are about to tip over the edge,[Ed] you actually ejaculate,[Ed] but something, whether it's a change in pressure[Ed] or a distraction or something, you don't get the climax.[Ed] So you calm, but you don't climax.[Ed] And it's the only way it's like you've gone over the false.[Ed] Like you got to the peak,[Ed] but then you backed off and you don't get the sensation.[Ed] Actually, the neat thing with that is,[Ed] you're still going to be horny itself.[Ed] Like most guys after you calm,[Ed] you're like, okay, I'm ready for an app, I'm done.[Ed] And this is like, okay, came,[Ed] but you don't have all that sensation.[Ed] And so it doesn't have the same chemical release.[Unknown] Interesting.[Ed] Oh my God, I'm still horny.[Ed] So she gives me, so the ruined orgasm was,[Ed] she was having me lying on the bed.[Ed] She was stimulating me like with her hand,[Ed] calm me to the edge.[Ed] And then it was like at the perfectly ruined orgasm[Ed] where as soon as you start to go over the edge,[Ed] there's no, she just takes hands away.[Ed] There's this clop on your stomach, your chest,[Unknown] this is your calm.[Ed] And there's no climax.[Ed] Like she ruined it perfectly, but she didn't end there.[Phoebe] Oh no.[Ed] She then, she was seated to take her hand[Ed] and go like scoop up a comb[Ed] and she just smeared it all over my face.[Guest] Oh my God.[Ed] I'm also dominant, like I said on the switch.[Ed] So I enjoy doing that kind of stuff to her.[Ed] Not that we do a lot of that kind of stuff.[Ed] I love that position of power of like[Ed] making her do something or doing something[Ed] that's a little over the top or a little humiliating.[Ed] And I enjoy having that done to me also.[Ed] I think with Chesity, it's not,[Ed] she can't just lock you up and say,[Ed] okay, you're locked up for the month[Ed] and then you're going about your daily business work[Ed] and going to the grocery store and do,[Ed] like that's going to get boring.[Ed] You do have to have a partner who understands the dynamic[Ed] and wants to kind of ratchet up the level[Ed] of the intensity of what you're experiencing[Ed] for the period of time.[Guest] So let's talk about some of that stuff[Guest] because it sounds like we're moving into[Guest] how it challenges you for that month.[Phoebe] The mental and that and that, some of that physical.[Guest] Yeah, so what are some of those mental barriers[Unknown] or those things that kind of force you[Guest] to consider your position and what's going on?[Ed] Well, it's really funny, but I can't remember[Ed] if this is a couple of years ago now.[Ed] I was pretty randy one morning that very selfless act[Ed] of like, okay, I'm not going to come,[Ed] but we're having sex and I'm going to go down on her,[Ed] give her orgasm, that's really fulfilling.[Ed] And I'm just ending it with kind of spawning with her[Ed] or whatever and fall asleep or whatever time that it is.[Ed] I find it to be just extremely satisfying.[Unknown] So you can be giving and you're caged[Ed] so your dick is not a part of the conversation.[Ed] Right, right.[Phoebe] So it just becomes this power shift[Phoebe] where your pleasure comes from pleasing the other partner.[Ed] That can also extend to just daily things.[Ed] You guys have been great for a long time.[Ed] So you probably encounter situations where you're kind of stressed,[Ed] you divide up your duties.[Ed] Like, I'm going to do the X, Y and Z, you're going to do A, B and C,[Ed] kind of divide and conquer.[Ed] And we've all been there.[Ed] We're something that you're responsible for is taking[Ed] an inordinate amount of your time or whatever.[Ed] And so you start to feel a little, maybe not resentful,[Ed] but just like, I'm putting in a lot here.[Ed] When you're in chastity, it's kind of weird.[Ed] That simple is, I'm just going to go away.[Ed] I don't know, again, what that is,[Ed] other than it's got to be a chemical thing going on in the brand,[Ed] where you're just a little more open to taking care[Ed] of certain things that maybe you normally wouldn't[Ed] or she would take care of.[Ed] You just kind of a yes, ma'am.[Ed] There's no argument, there's no discussion.[Ed] It's like, of course, I'll take care of that.[Ed] It's like an attitude adjustment almost.[Ed] Interesting.[Phoebe] Interesting.[Guest] I guess one of the other questions that I have is,[Guest] have you had moments where you had to kind of[Guest] will yourself through the process?[Guest] In other words, mental challenges to kind of keep going[Unknown] or stay with it.[Guest] All right.[Guest] We need your help so that your community,[Guest] the very one you love and have so much fun with,[Guest] can also find our show.[Guest] Here's a really easy way to do that.[Guest] If you're listening on Apple Podcasts or Spotify,[Guest] hit that follow button and leave us a rating.[Guest] If you're watching on YouTube, subscribe[Guest] and turn on notifications.[Guest] We can't emphasize enough how much this helps[Guest] the Swinger community and it truly is up to you[Guest] to make that happen.[Guest] It makes a massive difference in whether new listeners[Guest] can even find us.[Guest] And here's the thing.[Guest] When someone searches Swinger Podcasts,[Guest] the algorithm doesn't care how good our content is[Guest] or how long we've been around.[Guest] It only cares about ratings and reviews.[Guest] We'd appreciate it.[Guest] And your community will really appreciate it.[Unknown] Thanks for listening.[Ed] Yes, kind of like I mentioned,[Ed] for me, the only part where it can be challenging is[Ed] if you're caught up in daily life[Ed] and we're both professionals,[Ed] she's pretty busy with her, the business that she does.[Ed] She does a certain amount of travel.[Ed] So if she's like all business,[Ed] and I think guys are all listening about sex[Ed] and I think when women are busy or tasked with things,[Ed] it might be one of the last things in their mind.[Ed] So certainly, if you're not feeling sexual[Ed] or you're not really thinking about,[Ed] well, what I need to be doing to torture my partner, right?[Ed] Right, that's a chassis.[Ed] So that is the challenge.[Ed] If days are going by, week goes by,[Ed] and you're so ingrained in daily life,[Ed] a big part of the whole chassis thing is[Ed] the kind of subdomaspects and the submissiveness.[Ed] And so some of the things that we,[Ed] getting new to the lifestyle,[Ed] I'm way more open to this than red is,[Ed] where I would love her to just be out in business trip[Ed] and just pick up some guy, have sex, not tell me.[Ed] Tell me, like a couple of weeks or a month later,[Ed] make it kind of intense,[Ed] like a little more mean kind of,[Ed] not mean it's not the right word.[Guest] Right, yeah, yeah.[Ed] I don't have a say in the math.[Guest] Right.[Ed] And I think that is a part of the submissiveness[Ed] is you don't have a say in the matter.[Ed] And I'm gonna do what I'm gonna do,[Ed] those elements, I would be like,[Ed] ah, that that hasn't happened,[Ed] but that would be like an ultimate goal for me,[Ed] is if something like that,[Ed] that would keep me keenly focused on the chesty aspect.[Ed] So that is probably the biggest thing is,[Ed] if things are boring, then it's kind of like,[Ed] yeah, this is just,[Guest] I'm thinking through this and kind of picturing it.[Guest] And you have a daily reminder[Guest] that there's something sexual going on,[Guest] or completely not sexual because you've been locked up.[Unknown] But it's there and it's tugging at your psyche, so to speak.[Guest] And she doesn't have that.[Guest] So in a sense, you've got this perpetual reminder[Guest] of what's going on.[Guest] And so she's kind of disconnected from that.[Guest] That would be a really big challenge for me,[Unknown] is that it's almost like someone's tugging at my,[Guest] yeah, teasing me all the time.[Guest] Yeah.[Guest] And it makes it almost omnipresent in your mind[Unknown] that something's going on.[Ed] Yes, and that's very true,[Ed] because men's genitalia is on the outside.[Ed] And so we're always aware of it,[Ed] right?[Ed] Even from a young age,[Ed] this reputation of like touching ourselves,[Ed] whether it's baseball players or children or guys,[Ed] or you know, we're always reaching out and grabbing,[Ed] it's there.[Ed] And it's like, look,[Ed] if you had something in hand between your legs,[Ed] you'd grab it too, right?[Ed] So yeah, you're always aware of it.[Ed] And then you add the weight.[Ed] So the chestache cage that I'm wearing is, you know,[Ed] it's metal, it's like a surgical steel.[Ed] So it has more weight to it.[Ed] So then yeah, you're always like even more aware[Ed] because you can feel it.[Ed] So it does kind of heighten like you're saying.[Ed] There's always that constant reminder,[Ed] constant T is kind of going on.[Guest] Yeah.[Guest] Interesting.[Guest] Well, this is a good transition to kind of the next topic,[Guest] which is some of the physical aspect of it.[Guest] And it's interesting because you're talking about the weight[Guest] and I'm reminded of the Prince Albert jewelry[Guest] and with the large gauge ring that I have,[Guest] you know, when it's kind of just floating around, bobbing,[Guest] like I really do feel the weight of it.[Guest] It's there and it's this constant reminder,[Guest] or at least this occasional reminder[Guest] of what's going on,[Guest] but it's nowhere near as heavy as like a chassis cage.[Guest] I mean, that's a lot more metal.[Guest] So let's talk about that for a second.[Guest] You have a large metal cage wrapped around everything.[Guest] Your whole package, is there any pain involved with that?[Ed] I have done this for a total of,[Ed] in the since 2015, when we first started,[Ed] I think it's been a total of 245 days.[Ed] Wow.[Ed] She locked me up yesterday October 1st.[Ed] Yeah.[Ed] So I'm kind of assuming she's going to keep me locked[Unknown] for 31 days, but I don't know.[Ed] You know, it's not up to me, it's up to her.[Ed] The longest I've gone has been 35 days.[Ed] It's kind of funny,[Ed] because once you get towards the end,[Ed] and it does remember that that episode of Seinfeld[Ed] where they were in the rental car[Ed] and the rental car didn't have much gas left in it[Ed] and they kept driving and driving[Ed] and they were seeing how far they could go[Ed] before eventually ran out of gas.[Ed] That's what it's like.[Ed] You're like, days are going by and you're like,[Ed] I can do this another day.[Ed] I can do this one more day.[Ed] Right.[Ed] It's a mental, you know, totally this mental thing.[Unknown] There are things that you need to be careful of,[Ed] you know, every time you take a shower,[Ed] paying attention to washing the cage,[Ed] sticking your fingers into the crevices[Ed] to kind of wash it and so forth.[Ed] I use grape seed oil.[Ed] And this is a big thing.[Ed] If you just put on the cage[Ed] and you're wearing it for a period of time,[Ed] you know, you're definitely going to get shaved thing.[Ed] It's going to be pulling certain types of clothing[Ed] that might be more uncomfortable.[Ed] Wow.[Ed] Having some support is actually helpful.[Ed] And so you might think, oh,[Ed] be just throwing a pair of shorts or something[Ed] with no underwear.[Ed] It's probably going to be more comfortable[Ed] to put some underwear on because it's going to hold the cage[Ed] a little better.[Ed] It's going to be more comfortable.[Ed] Everybody always talks about coconut oil,[Ed] but, you know, to me, grape seed oil[Ed] is a better alternative for many things[Ed] because it's less viscous.[Ed] So it doesn't have that greasy factor.[Ed] It absorbs in your skin really easily.[Ed] So it's a lighter thing.[Ed] And it's, you know, grape seed oil[Ed] is like any other oil you can eat it, you know, basically.[Ed] So it's really safe for your body, for your skin.[Unknown] Nice.[Ed] So you put that around the ring, the base ring[Ed] that goes around both cock and balls.[Ed] It's mostly your testicles, your scrotum[Ed] that you want to have lubrication on[Ed] because the skin can get shaved.[Ed] The biggest thing is if you're getting an erection,[Ed] people think of like having your dick on this cage[Ed] is going to be uncomfortable[Ed] and that is not the uncomfortable part.[Ed] Interesting.[Ed] So having your penis like get erect in the cage,[Ed] you can see your penis is almost like bursting out of the cage.[Ed] That is not, I mean, it's not that that's comfortable,[Ed] but it's not the uncomfortable part.[Unknown] The uncomfortable part is that is a set size[Ed] and as your penis is growing,[Ed] it's pushing the entire thing forward, right?[Ed] And so that base ring is behind your testicles.[Ed] And so it's now it's going to be putting pressure on[Ed] kind of that around the perineum.[Ed] So from the perineum to where your testicles are,[Ed] that is going to get stretched[Ed] and that becomes painful, downright painful.[Ed] So when you start getting an erection, you're like,[Ed] okay, we need to stop this right now because that is sore.[Ed] So I've done things as extreme as[Ed] and like no doctor would recommend this,[Ed] but I actually put on a numbing cream.[Ed] You know, when I did get like some soreness in that area,[Ed] I used a numbing cream.[Ed] A little tip here that some people may find disappointing,[Ed] but the most that I've gone without having any relief,[Ed] getting out of the digestive cage,[Ed] has been probably about two to three weeks.[Ed] And what becomes a problem,[Ed] it's not the pain as much as the lack of sleep[Ed] because when you are getting maternal erections,[Ed] you cannot control.[Ed] Right, right.[Ed] There's nothing you can take,[Ed] there's nothing you can do to change[Ed] your internal erections as part of your body.[Ed] And any healthy male should be having[Ed] nocturnal erections.[Ed] You are going to wake up with a raging heart on[Ed] and you're going to holy shit my balls are on fire.[Ed] Wow.[Unknown] Yeah, because if you lay in bed,[Ed] like you could wake you up,[Ed] but you might be that, you know how that sleepiness,[Ed] like you're like, oh, you just lay there,[Ed] like you don't want to get out of bed[Ed] because you're tired.[Ed] Right.[Ed] If you just lay there,[Ed] that erection is not going to go away.[Ed] Most guys know what I'm talking about.[Ed] Sleepy penis, like you have a meal,[Ed] and you lay down, you like a sit down,[Ed] slosh down on the sofa,[Ed] like that's a great time to get sleepy penis.[Ed] And as long as you're in the position,[Ed] you know, you're going to have an erection.[Ed] So you need to be like up.[Ed] So then what I found was, okay, I got to go to the,[Ed] eventually you can go to the bathroom, right?[Ed] Because you want to go to pee.[Ed] And you're going to have to stand,[Unknown] like literally stand up for whatever,[Ed] five minutes until the erection goes down.[Ed] But then it will get to the point[Ed] where you go, you go to bed and then it could be,[Ed] I don't know, 10 minutes later,[Ed] that maybe the erection comes back.[Ed] So it really will impair your sleep.[Ed] And that is probably the thing.[Ed] It's like, well, you can't go that many days[Ed] with having, you know, your sleep disrupted.[Ed] So what you can do,[Ed] and this is kind of the scouts out of thing,[Ed] because there's no chassis cage[Ed] is going to contain any, any cock.[Ed] The penis is so when it's completely flaccid,[Ed] you can push the penis into the body.[Ed] Right.[Ed] And so you can just push that in[Ed] and it comes out the top of the base ring.[Ed] Now the cage is still going to be locked[Ed] on your testicles.[Ed] So you can't get the cage off,[Ed] but your penis is out.[Ed] So then people would say, well,[Ed] wait a second, then you're cheating.[Ed] All I can say is,[Ed] whenever she puts me in that cage,[Ed] there's no cheating going on.[Ed] I am not going to masturbate regardless[Ed] of my number I never have.[Ed] So it's a very, very much a mental thing[Ed] and a submissive thing.[Ed] Like she told me to do this and I am doing it.[Ed] I do find that like at night when you go to bed,[Ed] you can do that little pull out[Ed] and then you're not going to have[Ed] the disruption of the sleep[Ed] because there's really no way[Ed] around the disruption sleep.[Guest] Yeah, yeah.[Ed] That thing is on there for 30 days,[Ed] but there's a little work around there.[Ed] Now for people who are really extreme[Ed] and I have one of these,[Ed] but I haven't worn it for any real length of time,[Ed] they have a like a sounding like a catheter[Ed] re-inches to four inches long that goes right[Ed] into the penis down the urethra[Unknown] and it screws onto the end of the Chessie cage.[Ed] Wow.[Ed] So I think then it would be really hard[Ed] to pull your penis out of that.[Unknown] Right.[Ed] But yeah, that one freaks about.[Ed] That's another topic, but the sounding,[Ed] we went to see a pro down a few years ago[Unknown] and got into some ass play and the pro down[Ed] pulled out these sounding things[Ed] and she was like, oh, we can use these[Ed] and it was like covered her eyes,[Ed] she's like, no.[Ed] And I was like, well, I don't think I'm ready for that,[Ed] but that did plant the seed in my mind.[Ed] And so later on being the kinky perverted guy[Ed] that I am, I'm like, huh, I wonder what that's all about.[Ed] I don't want to try that.[Ed] So I actually have tried the sounding[Ed] and so then this Chessie cage has a urethral plug,[Ed] I think is what they call it, on it.[Ed] But I have not worn that long periods of time.[Phoebe] Fascinating.[Phoebe] I'm so fascinated by this.[Phoebe] Okay, so then you do, you can take your penis out of the cage[Unknown] for some periods of time during the 30 days[Phoebe] or whenever you want to, right?[Unknown] To give a little relief, but then you put it back in.[Phoebe] That the sleep aspect makes sense.[Phoebe] What about when you're showering,[Phoebe] you don't really need to because you're just,[Phoebe] are diligent when you're cleaning, right?[Ed] That's exactly what I'm doing.[Phoebe] And then how is peeing through the cage?[Unknown] Is that messy?[Ed] You know, I have no problem.[Ed] If your re-throw, your p-hole is not lined up[Ed] with the opening of the cage,[Ed] obviously it could be messy, it could splash.[Unknown] Right.[Ed] After you have some experience with it,[Ed] you get to know things pretty well[Ed] and you have to get a cage that fits appropriately.[Ed] Can't be loose, like some, I've seen,[Ed] like in some of the, you know, social media,[Ed] I've seen guys and it's like too loose,[Unknown] like not what has to be relatively snug, like fit.[Ed] And it'll stay in place better[Ed] and then I can actually pee standing out.[Ed] But honestly, like, at night,[Ed] when I go to the bathroom, I sit down anyway[Ed] because who wants to try on a white middle of the night[Ed] and I look to see where the peeing to just sit down.[Ed] So generally sitting down is a lot easier.[Ed] I don't have any issues with that, there's no problem.[Unknown] Nice.[Phoebe] Have you ever heard of any of the muscles being weakened[Unknown] or shrunk, there's some narrative out there[Phoebe] that that can happen, but can it really[Phoebe] over a period of a few weeks?[Ed] I do think that you'll see,[Ed] because if you're not getting a sexual stimulation[Ed] where you have a prolonged, you know, erection,[Ed] erectile tissue, the more that you use it,[Unknown] and especially if you edge and know how to really maximize[Ed] your erectile tissue while you're having sex,[Ed] that does keep it that tissue kind of at it.[Ed] That's peak, so to speak, size wise.[Ed] I do think that you'll see,[Ed] whatever you want to call it, shrinkage or whatever,[Ed] but that's going to go, as soon as you have sex,[Ed] that's going to go away.[Ed] There's nothing there that would be like,[Ed] oh, you're permanently going to be smaller[Ed] or anything like that, just like, no, that's not a thing.[Phoebe] Right, fascinating.[Phoebe] I was so fascinated.[Unknown] I love knowing about all the kinks[Phoebe] and all the things that everyone really enjoys[Phoebe] for their own pleasure.[Phoebe] We talked a little bit about the power dynamics.[Phoebe] We talked a little bit about how this enhances,[Phoebe] you know, the sexual participation.[Phoebe] Your focus gets changed 100% to Ms. Red,[Phoebe] and so then she gets your full attention,[Phoebe] and that in turn gives you pleasure.[Phoebe] And are there other types of pleasure[Phoebe] that you can participate in together while you're caged?[Phoebe] Or is it, are you just 100% off the table[Phoebe] with all sexual activity?[Guest] Here's why we sail on Virgin.[Guest] It's adults only.[Guest] No kids screaming at breakfast, no family buffet lines.[Unknown] Just champagne at noon, late night pool parties[Guest] and people who actually want to be there.[Unknown] The vibe?[Guest] Think boutique hotel that happens to float.[Guest] Tattoo parlors, drag brunch, restaurants,[Guest] you'd actually pay for on land.[Guest] Plus, when you're looking to connect with other couples[Guest] who know how to have fun,[Guest] let's just say Virgin attracts a very specific type[Guest] of adventurous.[Unknown] No wonder bread cruisers here, just your people.[Ed] No, not at all.[Ed] Then you can get into pegging, right?[Ed] It's a cool, you know, and I love anal play.[Ed] So that's something that we experienced[Ed] with the pro-dom some years ago,[Ed] and I enjoy that very much.[Ed] I enjoy doing it to her and try her doing it to me.[Unknown] I will say that because of my personality,[Ed] it becomes another challenge[Ed] in this whole concept of, you know, the prostate orgasm.[Ed] Now, I've only had one prostate orgasm.[Ed] This was like a complete accident.[Ed] This is a long time ago.[Ed] She was gone.[Ed] I was caged.[Ed] I took out her magic wand.[Ed] Your prostate is a part of your whole sexual anatomy.[Ed] So you got your, you know, your seminal vesicle[Ed] and your prostate provide the secretion[Ed] of an ejaculation, prostate stimulation,[Ed] pressing on prostate actually feels really good.[Unknown] So when you haven't had sex for an extended amount of time,[Unknown] you start to get like,[Ed] I don't know what the right word would be,[Unknown] a little angsty, a little like, like squirmy,[Ed] kind of like, oh, just one.[Ed] Even if you're not, even if you don't have an erection,[Ed] you just, you have this kind of sexual energy.[Ed] Prostate play is like a relief.[Ed] Like you could actually kind of rub,[Ed] you know, rub the prostate, prostate play.[Ed] And so I was, I was not doing that per se,[Unknown] but I was just putting the magic wand on my perineum.[Unknown] Right.[Unknown] It was just like, it was like a massage,[Ed] like it felt like it was comforting, kind of a thing.[Ed] Like I didn't have an erection, you know, I was caged[Ed] and was just like, oh, it was like a relief, right?[Ed] Not a necessarily a relief, it was like a relief.[Ed] And it was just like, ah, feel so good[Ed] that low, rumbly, flutty, magic wand, you know, vibration.[Ed] And all of a sudden this, I started to get this,[Ed] this sensation inside, like not the penis,[Ed] but from my, you know, internally,[Ed] like behind behind the belly button,[Ed] the prostate area, like just started to get like warm.[Ed] And all of a sudden it was just like this building,[Ed] crescendo, and I ejaculated.[Ed] And I had no idea that was gonna,[Ed] I was trying to do that.[Ed] I had no idea it was gonna happen.[Ed] And I swear to God, come,[Ed] shot up like in the air over my head.[Ed] I was like, what the fuck?[Ed] I was like, what just happened?[Ed] But I never had an orgasm like that.[Ed] It was not your typical orgasm.[Ed] It was like a deeper, not necessarily more satisfying,[Ed] but it was like your whole body, it was like a whole body orgasm.[Ed] Like you just felt, it just felt a whole lot different.[Unknown] Interesting.[Ed] Yeah, so since then, you know, like,[Ed] why I wanted, because you hear about these guys[Ed] that can, you know, come from getting penetrated.[Ed] I'm like, I wanna do that.[Ed] I wanna experience that, right?[Ed] So, you know, in being in the inner place,[Ed] so that's another thing is, you know,[Unknown] she's got a strap on, she's, you know,[Ed] and this, the toys are not small.[Ed] I mean, I can take a lot.[Ed] And so she has enjoyed, we don't do that a lot.[Ed] It's not something like, she's not like saying,[Ed] hey, this weekend, let's fuck you in the ass.[Ed] Right.[Ed] She's, you know, it's not like that per se,[Ed] but when we do have an occasion,[Ed] she does enjoy it because, you know,[Ed] at first I think typical woman's gonna respond[Ed] to pegging like, why would I wanna do that?[Unknown] What's in it for me?[Ed] And then when they do it, then they hear the guy moaning[Ed] and like, oh, oh, that feels good, you know,[Ed] and all that reaction, and it's something they're doing.[Ed] You know, they're thrusting and that's happening.[Ed] It's like, oh, that's a different experience.[Ed] And so there is, she does enjoy that.[Ed] And it's giving her, you know, some power[Ed] that's not typical for the female experience.[Ed] And it's really enjoyable.[Ed] And that is one of the things that I like,[Ed] but that, you know, that prostate orgasm[Ed] while being penetrated has been elusive[Unknown] and I haven't experienced it yet.[Phoebe] Interesting, fascinating.[Phoebe] I like, so wait, then when you're stimulating the prostate,[Phoebe] you don't get an erection.[Phoebe] And if you start to get one,[Phoebe] does that basically just, do you have to stop[Unknown] because it starts pulling?[Ed] No, it's, it's really hard to explain.[Ed] It's like, once you become versed with chest,[Ed] you can kind of, you know, kind of wear your body's at.[Ed] So like, when you're focusing on that,[Ed] you're just gonna focus on your ass.[Ed] You're just gonna focus on that, you're if your body,[Ed] you're not gonna focus on the penis,[Ed] which, you know, is not natural for, you know,[Ed] where we're so in males, we're so used to stimulating[Ed] that part of our body and having that part of our body involved.[Ed] But because you don't want to get an erection,[Ed] you will get aroused.[Ed] You're gonna get some level of arousal in erection,[Ed] but it's not gonna be, you know,[Ed] it's not gonna be the point of like,[Ed] oh, you know, I'm ready to penetrate, right?[Ed] It's not gonna be that level of arousal.[Ed] So, you know, I think with prostate play,[Ed] you're definitely gonna be,[Ed] there's gonna be some level of arousal,[Ed] but not, not like when, you know,[Ed] the male is doing the penetration.[Phoebe] Oh, okay, okay, because I was dying to know that part,[Unknown] because I thought, God, you're going, you're going,[Phoebe] and then you're like, stop, stop, stop.[Ed] No, not quite.[Unknown] Interesting.[Phoebe] So, it sounds like then to kind of bring it back to earlier[Unknown] when you were talking that it's that sleep deprivation[Unknown] because you, you know, that pain part[Phoebe] where you're getting the, the nightly wood[Phoebe] or the morning wood, where you're not being able to sleep[Phoebe] because of that, that pressure,[Phoebe] that's involuntary pressure.[Unknown] Every pressure ending.[Unknown] Right.[Ed] That's the biggest challenge with Chesity, honestly,[Ed] is the nocturnal erections.[Unknown] Interesting.[Ed] Although the mat is easy peasy.[Unknown] Interesting.[Ed] I should send you this link.[Unknown] So, one of my favorite, one of my favorite content creators[Ed] is Venus Carpenterus.[Ed] I love her podcast.[Ed] I listened to the one on this past weekend.[Ed] And she had a link in there to a talk that Dan Savage gave.[Ed] That was about, it was the YouTube talk.[Ed] Maybe you guys have seen it, it was five years ago.[Ed] And it's phenomenal.[Ed] It's on kind of our, in our realm of sexuality[Ed] and, you know, sex conversations.[Ed] I don't know that there's anything specifically to say,[Ed] like, to the community.[Ed] The one thing that I would say is,[Ed] you guys know me pretty well.[Unknown] And I don't have, you know, it's not that I'm shameless,[Ed] but I don't really have much in a way of shame.[Ed] It's like, I am who I am.[Ed] I'm gonna present that.[Ed] I'm gonna talk about the things I'm interested in.[Ed] I have no shame around talking about,[Ed] oh, I like getting fucked in the ass or, you know,[Ed] stuff like that.[Ed] And I do think for men, you know,[Ed] so I identify as just, you know,[Ed] cis-hetero male,[Ed] what are they called, heteroflexible.[Ed] But then you get into these other elements of like,[Ed] well, on the submissive side,[Ed] well, what if Jen, you know,[Ed] tied me up and we're like, we're at a sex party[Ed] and like, whoever wanted you to fuck me.[Ed] Right.[Ed] Like, I'd be, I'd actually be down for that.[Ed] Like, I could do that.[Ed] So I think, then you get in, so with a lot of things.[Ed] So the only thing that, and I'm not,[Ed] it's not like, it's not a hot button for me,[Ed] but I do see this where men are really challenged[Ed] to talk about certain sexual things[Ed] because they think it might be perceived as gay or,[Ed] if a woman hears me saying this,[Ed] I'm gonna be judged and I'm in the swimmer community[Ed] and I wanna be having sex with women,[Ed] so I don't wanna be judged that way.[Ed] And I do think that there's a lot of guys out there,[Ed] like super masculine guys, you know,[Ed] that would be down for all kinds of things,[Ed] but they will harpset or not going to admit that[Ed] or talk about it because they're shame there[Ed] or they're embarrassed about it.[Ed] So I don't know that that's a topic to really conclude with,[Ed] but, you know, maybe there's a nice way of saying[Ed] simply that, you know, if you're in the community[Ed] and into this, like, own it, you know,[Ed] it's like there's, this is something that's really fun[Ed] for you women out there who have partners[Ed] that may be interested in it.[Ed] You know, just listen with open ears and an open heart[Ed] if they have an interest,[Ed] if your partner has an interest in stuff like this,[Ed] because, you know, as with partners,[Ed] we owe that to each other, right, to listen and to be open.[Ed] So, you know, you might, on your sexual interest[Ed] you've got the Venn diagram,[Ed] you've got that little bit of overlap[Ed] where you're kind of exploring and it's like,[Ed] if you have a committed partner,[Ed] you've got to be interested in kind of pushing,[Ed] pushing your boundaries so that you get a little more[Ed] overlap on that Venn diagram.[Ed] Yeah, right.[Ed] If you're a switch,[Ed] you'd probably be proud of, like, exploring this stuff[Unknown] and don't let what other people think, you know,[Ed] stop you from exploration.[Guest] Well, thank you so much for sharing your experiences[Guest] with Locktober and the challenges and, yeah,[Guest] maybe some of our listeners will consider this[Guest] as an opportunity to explore a little bit[Guest] in areas that they'd never thought to try.[Phoebe] Thanks for tuning in.[Phoebe] We appreciate you joining our community.[Phoebe] Don't forget your homework.[Phoebe] Tell a friend about our show and leave a review and comment.[Phoebe] You can also leave us a voice mail at 916-538-0482[Phoebe] or contact us at swingeruniversity.com.[Phoebe] Keep learning, keep growing and keep it kinky.[Guest] Oh, one last thing before you go.[Guest] If this episode helped you in any way,[Guest] the single best thing you can do to support the show[Guest] is leaving a rating and review.[Guest] It takes 60 seconds and helps new people find us[Guest] when they're searching for relationship education.[Guest] And we've made it easy.[Guest] Visit swingeruniversity.com forward slash review.[Unknown] All the instructions are there.[Guest] Thank you for being part of this community.[Guest] We'll see you again soon.