Navigate New Relationship Energy NRE - Without Breaking your Marriage!

Navigate New Relationship Energy (NRE) – Without Breaking Your Marriage! | Swinger University

Can New Relationship Energy (NRE) bring excitement and passion to your life, or is it a risky road for your marriage? In this episode, Ed and Phoebe explore the highs and lows of NRE, offering science-backed insights and practical advice to help you enjoy the thrill of new connections without compromising your relationship.

✨ What you'll learn:

• What NRE is and how it impacts your emotions and decisions.
• The hormonal chemistry behind NRE and its addictive allure.
• How to reintroduce novelty and passion into long-term relationships.
• Tips to navigate NRE safely while preserving trust and communication in your marriage.

Discover how swinging can amplify connection, spark curiosity, and keep your relationship thriving—without crossing the line.

📞 Have a question or story to share? Call us at 916-538-0482, and your question could be featured on the show!

🎯 Keywords & Hashtags:
#SwingerUniversity #NavigateNRE #NewRelationshipEnergy #SwingingLifestyle #MarriageTips #RelationshipAdvice #SexPositiveCommunity #OpenRelationships #TrustAndCommunication

Transcript

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[Phoebe] Swinging can reinvigorate your relationship,[Phoebe] you can also trick you into thinking the grass is greener.[Phoebe] Today, we're talking about new relationship energy for NRE.[Phoebe] Are you addicted to it?[Phoebe] Or are you afraid of it?[Unknown] Welcome to Swinger University.[Ed] I'm Ed.[Phoebe] And I'm Phoebe.[Phoebe] Today, we're talking about NRE or new relationship energy.[Ed] All right, so first, let's kind of define what NRE is.[Ed] For those who do not know what it is, or you haven't dated in a long time,[Ed] it's a term talking about those intense feelings of excitement,[Ed] attraction, and euphoria that people experience at the beginning of a new relationship[Ed] or even a connection with people.[Ed] So you talk to that hot person at the bar and all of a sudden you start to get the butterflies[Unknown] in your stomach and the feels start to happen.[Unknown] Oh, God, the feels.[Phoebe] You also really want to spend more time with them.[Phoebe] And there's some science behind this, right?[Phoebe] A lot of this, primarily, it is hormones, right?[Phoebe] It's your dopamine, your oxytocin, and your...[Ed] Nor epinephrine.[Phoebe] Because I can't say that word.[Phoebe] I had to say it.[Ed] I always get the big complicated Latin words.[Unknown] That's right.[Phoebe] So that gives you that, like Ed said, sense of euphoria and a massive chemical rush.[Unknown] Yeah, and we've experienced it anytime we've gone to some big social event or party.[Ed] And we've really connected with that new couple.[Ed] You do get that instant attraction kind of a thing and you're like,[Ed] oh, this is fun.[Ed] Kind of that chase the hunt.[Ed] And the more you talk to people and the more you bond with them,[Ed] those hormones start reproducing.[Ed] And you start having those hormones produced in your brain more and more often.[Ed] So you do start to build that chemical bond to that other person.[Unknown] Right.[Phoebe] So everyone knows this from when they were dating their partner or many partners.[Phoebe] And it can last from anywhere six months to about two years.[Phoebe] Art has lasted about two years, I think.[Unknown] We were also swinging while we were during this whole time.[Phoebe] So we were just like supercharged, supercharged, supercharged, supercharged.[Ed] Yeah, we've kind of had this like afterburner effect for most of our relationship[Ed] because we had that initial like we were hot for each other, just it happened.[Ed] And then swinging at the same time.[Ed] So we would get a like an additional lift with more hormones.[Ed] And I think our brains didn't really separate the difference between[Ed] who was inspiring the hormones.[Phoebe] It was just, which is great.[Phoebe] I know.[Unknown] It's awesome.[Phoebe] So when you find yourself in a long term relationship after NRE energy dissipates[Phoebe] because it does.[Phoebe] You get used to being around one another, right?[Phoebe] You getting that back means you need to reintroduce some of the novelty back into your relationship.[Phoebe] Activities, gestures and places.[Phoebe] You're having quality time again or seeking out quality time.[Phoebe] This is going somewhere, so bear with me.[Phoebe] You start reintroducing date nights, right?[Ed] Yeah, yeah.[Ed] Most experts say that you really do need to set aside time for your own relationship[Ed] and kind of pretend like you're dating again, right?[Ed] And kind of reintroduce those patterns.[Ed] And another thing that we've talked about recently, the two of us,[Ed] especially with places and activities, is this concept of dishabituation.[Ed] So you get into this habit of doing the same things every day and you do the same things[Ed] with your partner all the time.[Ed] And it's, it's the rut, right?[Ed] Like it's a different way of describing what that rut is.[Phoebe] Right.[Ed] And just breaking out of that normal pattern of activity or behavior[Ed] is sometimes enough to kind of break those feelings apart and reinvigorate things.[Unknown] Right.[Phoebe] So staying curious and communicating with one another,[Phoebe] maybe some deeper communication, ask some interesting questions, ask some random questions.[Phoebe] I've been asking you random questions lately over the last two or three months.[Phoebe] Yeah.[Phoebe] Which have been kind of fun.[Phoebe] Yeah.[Unknown] Just out of the blue.[Unknown] And be vulnerable.[Phoebe] Most people are with their partner, especially when they've been with them 20, 30 years,[Phoebe] but it's sparking those deeper conversations or things that you haven't ever talked about[Phoebe] and making sure you're appreciating your partner.[Ed] Yeah.[Ed] That gets hard sometimes.[Phoebe] Bringing them flowers, sleeping on their side of the bed for the first five minutes of[Unknown] the evening to warm it up, you can tell it's it's flannel time.[Ed] So yeah, I've been pre-warming the bed.[Phoebe] Yes.[Phoebe] And making new couple friends, right, to bring some some energy back, some some spark.[Phoebe] So all of this, this also sounds like swinging.[Unknown] Right.[Phoebe] So the same rules for bringing back NRE to your long term relationship is the same thing[Phoebe] and happens when you're swinging.[Ed] Yep.[Unknown] Absolutely.[Phoebe] All of that.[Phoebe] The novelty of it, the quality time with your own partner, staying curious, communicating,[Phoebe] being vulnerable, sparking communication, appreciating your partner, reconnecting, reclaiming,[Phoebe] and making new couple friends.[Phoebe] I was like, okay, this is all the same stuff.[Ed] So Cosmo should just say, if you want to keep your relationship fresh, start swinging.[Ed] Right.[Ed] Right.[Ed] Yes.[Ed] Now, there's kind of a, we're talking about the the cheery side of it and how to reinvigorate[Unknown] those emotions, but as we kind of alluded to at the intro, sparking NRE, especially in[Ed] a swinging situation, can kind of confuse you as to where those feelings are coming from.[Unknown] Oh heck yeah.[Ed] So yeah.[Ed] Now, we're talking about external relationships, relationships outside your primary relationship[Ed] or your main partner.[Unknown] And now we're going to start talking about some of the beers of NRE and what that can do.[Phoebe] Right.[Phoebe] Right.[Phoebe] So for us, we kept other couples at an arms length, right, because we were new.[Unknown] We started swinging while we were new before we were married to each other.[Phoebe] And so other couples getting close to us was too threatening for me, I felt threatening[Phoebe] for me.[Phoebe] So I didn't want any any one of us getting the fuels with another couple.[Unknown] Right.[Phoebe] Now, we're 10, 11, 12 years in and we want those deeper connections.[Phoebe] We want a little more intimacy, we're not looking to be polyamorous, but we want deeper,[Phoebe] richer connections.[Ed] Yeah.[Ed] And I think a lot of it really came out through keeping all the relationships very casual.[Ed] So that that arms distance was basically like we talked about in our last episode, a lot[Ed] of DTF stuff.[Ed] So we would show up at an event, we would meet couples.[Ed] And if we had any kind of interest in them and they were attractive to us, they were sexy,[Ed] then we'd just kind of take them to a play room and play with them for a little bit and[Phoebe] then would be like, bye, see you later.[Ed] That was it.[Unknown] That was the whole thing.[Phoebe] Right.[Phoebe] And we would see them at the next house party and at the next event, it's a small community.[Phoebe] So we would always see them.[Phoebe] We just never did anything outside of the party.[Unknown] It had a very specific confines, right?[Phoebe] We only met them at parties and that's what that was.[Ed] And it was a really shallow depth, too, like we didn't get much deeper than, hey, how[Ed] you doing?[Ed] Good to see you again, like we talk about things, but it wasn't like, how are you feeling?[Ed] We didn't talk about stuff like that.[Phoebe] It was just, we really didn't know a whole lot about them either because we were also[Phoebe] really afraid to ask too many important or questions because we were always told, you[Phoebe] know, you know, it's secretive, no one wants to be outed, we don't share your profession,[Phoebe] you don't talk about your family, you don't talk about politics, it's like, good grief,[Phoebe] what the heck am I supposed to talk about?[Phoebe] There really wasn't left anything.[Ed] Right.[Ed] And then the other rule of like keep it sexy, you don't talk about, yeah, you don't[Ed] talk about the kids, you don't talk about the family, you don't talk about that kind[Ed] of stuff because it's just, it's not sexy.[Phoebe] So you had enough communication to, to, to know them well enough to, to drag them into[Phoebe] the bedroom.[Ed] So at, at what point did we start experiencing some of this NRE fields going on?[Phoebe] Oh, so, oh, so we're getting, we're going to get there there.[Phoebe] Okay, so we are years into our experience and just what was it last year?[Ed] Yeah.[Ed] Yeah, just this last year.[Unknown] About 11 years and 11, 12 years in by now and we decided, hmm, let's try a single male.[Unknown] And that primarily was sparked because I had started up an only fans account and people[Phoebe] wanted to see a third.[Phoebe] And I said, hmm, well, that's something I hadn't considered.[Phoebe] And so I thought, well, let's have a conversation and let's, let's, let's give it a shot.[Phoebe] See what that looks like.[Phoebe] Now we've had single males in a, in an orgy situation or at a party, but we've never[Phoebe] sought one out, had them over, had an experience.[Unknown] This was a very active thing that we were doing.[Ed] Yeah, very specific in the only fans thing really did kind of kick that off as a, as a conversation[Ed] starter, but we set up a date with one gentleman and you were attracted to him.[Ed] So it was fun and exciting and he was really attracted to you.[Ed] So he was sending you, you know, all of the energy right at you, and that date went really[Ed] well.[Unknown] We didn't end up bringing him home, but we ended up with you two kind of making out right[Ed] there in the bar.[Unknown] Yeah.[Unknown] And it was hot, there was a lot of fun.[Ed] He was really excited about the whole thing.[Unknown] Like you could tell, he was just like, oh my god, he could barely contain himself.[Phoebe] He was literally shaking from, from the, the energy, the, the hormones and energy was[Phoebe] just coursing through his hands and he was just shivering.[Phoebe] In fact, his hands are cold, right, because that's how like nervous he was.[Unknown] Yeah.[Phoebe] Yeah.[Ed] He was awesome.[Ed] And how were you feeling about that whole thing?[Ed] Very powerful.[Phoebe] I have control.[Unknown] You did.[Ed] You had that guy wrap around your something.[Phoebe] It was fun.[Phoebe] Yeah.[Phoebe] It was fun.[Phoebe] It was exciting.[Ed] It was, you were definitely pushing like all of his buttons.[Phoebe] I know.[Phoebe] It was neat.[Ed] Yeah.[Phoebe] Yeah.[Phoebe] Yeah.[Phoebe] And a nice way.[Ed] I'm not like, yeah, people, but it was, it's sexy.[Ed] It's hot, right?[Ed] Yeah.[Ed] Like you get to experience that like somebody's attracted to me thing.[Ed] And when we were first dating, you had been dating for, for a period of time, you were,[Unknown] you were out of your divorce and you were basically playing the field.[Unknown] And you really did like that attention, that people kind of, I guess, reinforcing that[Ed] you were attractive and giving you that validation that you didn't get when you were married.[Phoebe] Right.[Phoebe] Because it was a sexless marriage.[Phoebe] So I felt very, you know, unwanted, so it was nice to be wanted.[Ed] Yeah.[Ed] So this interaction with this single male kind of gave you that same sense of energy.[Unknown] I mean, so you hadn't felt that since we started dating, right?[Ed] So it was 10 years later, boom, your jumpstart those, those hormones again, all of those[Ed] feelings and with a new attractive guy.[Phoebe] Yeah.[Phoebe] I think it's challenging to, to allow myself to feel that with another couple, because[Phoebe] I'm always very concerned about making sure the woman is comfortable.[Phoebe] And I never want either partners to feel like they're being separated or feeling left[Phoebe] out.[Phoebe] Right.[Phoebe] And it's, it's tricky to go all in with those feelings when you're dating another couple[Phoebe] or courting them in the pool at a resort, because it's like, you never really know if both[Phoebe] of them are on the same page and it, it's challenging.[Unknown] All right.[Ed] We need your help so that your community, the very one you love and have so much fun[Ed] with can also find our show.[Ed] Here's a really easy way to do that.[Ed] If you're listening on Apple podcasts or Spotify, hit that follow button and leave us[Unknown] a rating.[Ed] If you're watching on YouTube, subscribe and turn on notifications.[Ed] We can't emphasize enough how much this helps the swing our community and it truly is[Ed] up to you to make that happen.[Ed] It makes a massive difference in whether new listeners can even find us.[Ed] And here's the thing, when someone searches Swinger podcast, the algorithm doesn't care[Ed] how good our content is or how long we've been around.[Ed] It only cares about ratings and reviews.[Ed] We'd appreciate it and your community will really appreciate it.[Ed] Thanks for listening.[Ed] Yeah.[Ed] And I think a lot of the dynamics with relationships with other couples, with two couples interacting,[Ed] you really are kind of being very delicate because they have their dynamic and you don't[Ed] know what it is and you have your dynamic and so you want to be respectful of whatever[Ed] that relationship is.[Ed] So we haven't experienced a lot of that NRE with another couple.[Phoebe] I think the closest we had was you've had it twice that I know because it always triggers[Phoebe] me when you, because usually what happens and this is where talk about this because I'm[Ed] curious what you think happened.[Phoebe] This is where it goes sideways and a little bit where you're making a connection with the[Phoebe] female and you're just making out.[Phoebe] It's like all on.[Unknown] You're just like, right?[Phoebe] Yes.[Ed] All in it.[Unknown] And I'm standing there, right?[Phoebe] And so me and the mister are like, wow, they're really going at it.[Phoebe] So it's awkward.[Phoebe] I'm feel awkward in that position.[Unknown] So I'm always really reserved about going all in with the guy if I'm feeling it because[Phoebe] I don't want the misses to feel awkward.[Ed] It's interesting that you kind of quantify or qualify that interaction because I know[Unknown] exactly which interaction that was that that was NRE.[Ed] I hadn't thought of it that way.[Ed] I thought of it as just being really hot make out session and I didn't really, it wasn't[Ed] anything past that.[Ed] So for me, it was very surface level.[Ed] It didn't have those kind of deeper things.[Unknown] It was just it was just a hot moment and I was just in it was living in the moment.[Unknown] Yeah, it looks like NRE to me because it's it is a make out session.[Ed] Yeah.[Ed] And I think maybe that's maybe that's the trick with other couples seeing their spouse,[Unknown] their significant other having that level of involvement, that level of like intensity,[Ed] triggering the thoughts that it's NRE and that they're like having feelings for that[Unknown] person because it is such an intimate, deep, intense moment.[Unknown] Right.[Unknown] But see, I didn't I don't think I had those feelings.[Ed] I definitely didn't think about her afterwards.[Ed] I thought about the interaction for sure.[Ed] I wasn't like she wasn't like always on my mind.[Ed] I wasn't, you know, away from it.[Ed] What I will we'll talk about the the next guy, the next single guy and some of the feelings[Ed] that you had there because I think it started to tread into that you started to think about[Ed] him all the time.[Unknown] You started to yes, yes.[Phoebe] And so we'd we'd had another date with another single guy and brought him home and we filmed[Phoebe] that session.[Phoebe] Yeah.[Unknown] Oh my God.[Ed] Good hot.[Ed] It was so hot.[Ed] It was really.[Phoebe] We have so much footage of that interaction.[Phoebe] It was so fun.[Phoebe] It was so organic.[Phoebe] And I love to just sit and watch those because it's hot.[Phoebe] It's fucking hot.[Phoebe] I love watching myself have sex.[Phoebe] I actually love watching myself masturbate after I recorded it.[Phoebe] It turns me on.[Unknown] It turns me on.[Phoebe] So I'm overly thankful for for that footage.[Unknown] So even if y'all don't have a fan account, just do it for fun.[Unknown] Oh yeah.[Unknown] Cause you can keep it and you know, rewatch it.[Phoebe] So that guy because it was so good and so intense and he was so attentive and you know,[Phoebe] it's different.[Phoebe] I I thought, wow.[Phoebe] Okay.[Phoebe] I want to do that again.[Unknown] I'm like again.[Phoebe] It's like it's like a Disney ride.[Ed] Oh yeah.[Ed] For sure.[Ed] And I I remember that night pretty vividly like we tried a whole bunch of stuff.[Ed] He was very laid back.[Ed] He was easy going.[Unknown] He was like, I'm here on, on, this is your dime, so to speak.[Ed] Like this is, this is all for you.[Ed] Use me.[Ed] However you want to use me and and we had a good time.[Unknown] We had a great time that night.[Ed] What were some of your feelings afterwards though?[Ed] Cause you, we had that one interaction and then we met him at a bar, a local downtown[Phoebe] bar.[Ed] And it was, it was like a lose night or a jazz night.[Unknown] I can't remember which band was playing, but great music.[Ed] We were sitting there drinking, I think his brother was there.[Ed] So it was a little interesting.[Ed] Yeah.[Ed] And yeah, what was going.[Phoebe] So that was different because he's on my left.[Phoebe] You're on my right.[Phoebe] He's cuddling up next to me.[Phoebe] He's standing.[Phoebe] So he's getting closer to me.[Phoebe] We're on barstools.[Phoebe] So you and I can't be like, as close, cause he's standing.[Phoebe] So he's snuggling up next to me.[Phoebe] He's holding my hand and lacing his hand in between my fingers.[Unknown] So it feels like a new relationship, right?[Phoebe] The touching, the things that people do.[Phoebe] When you're dating, he's nuzzling my neck.[Phoebe] And at some point, oh, and then he asks me, what I'd like to do.[Phoebe] Drink.[Phoebe] So these are all very dating, like, behaviors.[Ed] Yeah.[Unknown] So it's starting to feel good, but it's also a bit odd.[Unknown] Cause it's, you're my husband.[Phoebe] You're sitting right here, like, that usually is our separate boxes in my life.[Phoebe] And both boxes are now blending, which is a bit challenging.[Phoebe] And then, oh, did you want something?[Ed] Yeah, I was going to say, when we first started dating and we started talking about swinging[Ed] and the whole concept of kind of being on the hunt for other partners, for you was[Ed] very, that's outside the box.[Ed] I'm in relationship box now, and that box is cougar box where I'm out hunting.[Ed] Yes.[Ed] And you had a really hard time going, I can do bulls.[Unknown] And I tried to reassure you a bunch of times, you're like, look, it's okay.[Ed] Like, I get it.[Unknown] Like, you've, you've got to be a little bit in predator mode, so to speak, right?[Ed] To, to, to like, hook up with another couple.[Ed] Yeah.[Ed] And, and that's not threatening to me because we're doing it together.[Ed] So like, we're both doing it.[Ed] And, and I know a lot of people in the community don't like the term hunting.[Ed] Or, you know, vanilla hunting or any of those things because it sounds, it does sound[Ed] predatory.[Ed] But, you know what we're talking about?[Ed] It's just that in active pursuit of new sexual encounters, new cobblers to interact with.[Unknown] Right.[Phoebe] Right.[Unknown] And so then, as the evenings progressing, we're flirting more.[Phoebe] And at one point, I believe you went to the bathroom.[Phoebe] We're, we're going to leave.[Unknown] There was a discussion about, would you like to come over?[Phoebe] Right.[Phoebe] And so he was, when you were in the restroom, he came up to me, help me with my coat on[Phoebe] and pulled me close.[Phoebe] And we were just making out right there in the bar, just the world stopped.[Phoebe] I didn't care who saw, I didn't know who was around.[Phoebe] I didn't care if I was blocking traffic.[Phoebe] We're just making out.[Unknown] Right.[Phoebe] It was really hot.[Phoebe] Yeah.[Phoebe] It was really hot.[Phoebe] And so then I, you know, we're like, all right, back at the house, see you in 20 minutes.[Phoebe] Oh, we, we go, I remember we got in a car and I'm like, oh my god, are we doing this?[Phoebe] Oh, it's so nervous.[Phoebe] I'm excited.[Phoebe] And you're like, yeah, let's, let's do it, let's go.[Phoebe] So then we get to the house and we had another really great time.[Phoebe] We didn't choose to film that episode, but it was fine.[Phoebe] We didn't need to film all of them.[Phoebe] And then I found myself, because this, I don't know how, how far apart they were, there[Phoebe] may be two weeks in between each one, like a week or two weeks.[Ed] It was pretty close together.[Unknown] Yeah.[Phoebe] And so now I found myself thinking about that exchange frequently, right?[Phoebe] It was on my mind and I couldn't wait for the next exchange.[Phoebe] And so I go on walks and I think about it.[Phoebe] I was working.[Phoebe] I was thinking about, I mean, I was thinking about it all the time.[Phoebe] Yes.[Phoebe] And that started to bother me after about two to three days.[Phoebe] And I, I thought it's going to dissipate.[Phoebe] It's going to dissipate.[Phoebe] I'll be fine.[Phoebe] After three days, we were on a walk and I, I remember telling you, I was nervous.[Phoebe] I just tell you.[Ed] Yeah.[Ed] Yeah, because you didn't know how I was going to react to that and we'd, we'd never had[Ed] this happen before.[Unknown] So this was all, all new territory, completely new territory.[Unknown] Yeah.[Phoebe] And so I said, this, this is bothering me because I, I can't stop thinking about that[Phoebe] exchange and I want to do it again.[Unknown] And it's, it's disconcerting to me because it feels like it's interrupting my, my life[Phoebe] with you.[Phoebe] Right.[Phoebe] It's in our box now.[Phoebe] It's in my house because it's in my head.[Phoebe] Right.[Phoebe] It's not separate.[Phoebe] It's not out at a resort.[Phoebe] It's not out at a party.[Unknown] Right.[Ed] It's not an experience.[Ed] It's, it's this reoccurring memory feeling that's going on over.[Ed] And over again.[Guest] Yeah.[Ed] You've, in a sense, you've, you've triggered all of those hormones.[Ed] You've triggered all those behaviors.[Ed] And so now your brain, like any good addiction wants to keep doing that over and over again[Ed] because it feels really good.[Unknown] It, the, the hormones, hormones are incredibly powerful.[Guest] Oh, yeah.[Phoebe] It was altering my mind, definitely.[Phoebe] And I knew that.[Phoebe] Thank God.[Phoebe] And I remember telling you, thank God, I know what I know about hormones and my mental capabilities[Phoebe] and my emotions and all the things I know about myself to know enough to go, that's[Unknown] okay.[Phoebe] Those are just the hormones talking.[Unknown] That's not real.[Phoebe] This too will pass.[Unknown] Yeah.[Unknown] 100% I think that the podcast, your research on all the hormones, when we were doing the[Ed] hormone replacement therapy episodes, really gave both of us a solid grounding in terms[Ed] of the impact of hormones and all of the, you know, physiochemical reactions that are[Ed] going on.[Phoebe] And my own experience with some of those hormones, well, the progesterone estrogen and testosterone.[Ed] Oh, absolutely.[Unknown] All of those triggering stuff, really, really powerful.[Ed] And we've talked about in previous episodes about this kind of like addiction with hormones[Ed] and that kind of like high that you have.[Ed] And in a lot of respects, it can even influence your ability to consent.[Ed] So hormones are really powerful.[Ed] If you put hormones on the same level as substances like alcohol and ecstasy and any of the other[Ed] drugs that have an impairing effect on your ability to consent, that says a lot about[Ed] how strong hormones are.[Phoebe] Oh, yeah.[Ed] Hormones, heroin, right there.[Unknown] Let me just...[Ed] The two Hs.[Unknown] Yeah.[Phoebe] And these are why psychologists only prescribe, they're trained in that way, they start you[Phoebe] off at really, really low doses, say you're suffering from depression, they'll start you[Phoebe] really, really low.[Phoebe] And they step you up slowly.[Unknown] Why?[Phoebe] Because you need to ease into those changes.[Phoebe] Right.[Phoebe] And they take you off very, very slowly.[Phoebe] My ex partner was severely depressed and he did.[Unknown] They stepped him up very slow and brought him down very, very slow.[Unknown] It was very calculated because you can't mess around with that stuff.[Ed] Yeah.[Ed] Rapid shifts in hormones can have a really crazy effect on your brain and your physiology.[Phoebe] 100%.[Ed] Yes.[Ed] So what's the solution to all this?[Ed] Besides listening to our podcast and learning all about hormones and what's going on, what[Unknown] else?[Phoebe] Well, the solution to all of this is having some realization and awareness about that[Phoebe] these are not true feelings, these are just your hormones.[Unknown] And have the appreciation that for yourself and from somebody else that this feels good,[Phoebe] this type of attention does feel good.[Phoebe] Right.[Phoebe] Right.[Phoebe] Especially when you've been in a long-term relationship, it's nice.[Phoebe] People recognize different things in you.[Phoebe] People will recognize different things in Ed, then what I recognize in you on a daily[Phoebe] basis or have in the past.[Unknown] And it feels good to hear those things because for people, we're humans.[Phoebe] We like strokes and pets and acknowledgements.[Phoebe] And then make sure you're talking about it with your partner too.[Unknown] That realization and awareness, bring it, bring it forward, have a talk.[Guest] Here's why we sail on Virgin.[Guest] It's adults only.[Guest] No kids screaming at breakfast, no family buffet lines, just champagne at noon, late-night[Guest] pool parties and people who actually want to be there.[Unknown] The vibe?[Guest] Think boutique hotel that happens to float.[Guest] Tattoo parlors, drag brunch, restaurants you'd actually pay for on land.[Guest] Plus, when you're looking to connect with other couples who know how to have fun, let's[Guest] just say Virgin attracts a very specific type of adventurous.[Unknown] No wonder bread cruisers here, just your people.[Ed] Yeah, and I think this particular realization slash awareness and these specific points[Ed] really speak to why we don't recommend swinging for every couple.[Ed] So if your relationship is struggling, if you're having some issues, if you're not communicating[Ed] well, if there's kind of underlying stuff, this, these hormones, this NRE is the wedge[Ed] that will crack the rest of that foundation.[Phoebe] So we've seen it happen when a hundred percent, we've seen it a lot happen, not like a majority,[Ed] but we've seen it enough times with couples who were like, you know, the weird couple in[Ed] the corner that you see at the parties and you're like, they're not communicating very[Ed] well or he's always off flirting with somebody else and you never see the wife around.[Phoebe] Are they swap?[Phoebe] Husbands and wives, we've seen them swap permanently.[Phoebe] Like permanently swap, right, yes, like they got divorced and remarried their others.[Unknown] Right.[Phoebe] Very much letting the hormones take, which really messed with my brain because I was like,[Phoebe] wait, because you see them a year later, right, at the next event and you're like, wait,[Phoebe] weren't you with, I know you were with him and he was with her and they're like, oh, yeah,[Phoebe] we switched.[Phoebe] Yeah.[Phoebe] I'm like, huh?[Unknown] Yeah.[Ed] So it's real.[Ed] It's definitely real.[Ed] The other technique that will throw out is really taking time away from that relationship.[Ed] So when we were talking about how frequent that that interaction had been, yeah, having[Ed] a bigger break in between to kind of let the hormones dip a little bit and reconnect with[Ed] your partner really does help it.[Ed] It kind of evens things out and you get kind of, you're not high anymore, right?[Ed] Right.[Unknown] You let the high dwindle.[Phoebe] Yeah.[Phoebe] Exactly.[Phoebe] Create rules between both of you, like maybe that maybe that is one of your rules to say,[Unknown] hey, after we have a single male over no more single males for another month or two weeks[Ed] or different single males, not the same single male.[Unknown] Right.[Ed] Keep the rotation going.[Phoebe] Yeah.[Phoebe] And that's the important part is identifying how you react because once you know that you[Phoebe] just work with it and then you have that communication with your partner and you work[Unknown] with those feelings and emotions because doesn't mean you have to take it completely off[Phoebe] the table, although some people do, right?[Unknown] We met a woman who said at a party, we, she asked what our playstyle, we told her and[Phoebe] she right up front said, I'm here to flirt and get the party started, but I don't play[Unknown] with anybody because I get emotionally attached too quickly.[Phoebe] So that doesn't, that I don't do that anymore, but I just love being here.[Phoebe] And so if you're okay with me flirting with you, that's what I'll do.[Phoebe] Right.[Phoebe] But just please know that I'm not here to play with anybody.[Phoebe] And I was like, oh, wow, that's really great.[Ed] Yeah, that was solid self awareness for that.[Phoebe] Oh, yeah, I loved that.[Phoebe] I knew exactly what she was about.[Phoebe] I knew exactly where she stood and I knew how to approach her and what to expect.[Ed] Yeah, the other thing that I was going to talk about with rules, trying to set rules up[Ed] to say you, you can't have feelings for somebody or you won't develop feeling for somebody[Ed] as a rule, isn't really a good rule.[Ed] No, that's, that's not a thing that you can control like, like the drugs that we were[Ed] talking about, hormones are not something that someone can intellectually control.[Phoebe] No.[Ed] So it's going to happen.[Ed] You are going to have those feelings, especially with extended or prolonged contact with someone[Ed] or someone who's susceptible to those feelings of hormones.[Ed] So be realistic with your rules in terms of which things you can govern and control.[Phoebe] And also what you could do is seek out some of the counselors that are sex positive,[Phoebe] non-monogamous counselors.[Phoebe] They really have great tips and tools to help guide you through that dynamic and you can[Phoebe] book a session, it could be one session, it could be two, whatever, but they can help[Phoebe] with that and they can give you something that maybe you didn't think about.[Ed] Yeah, counselors are really good, even if you're not having a problem, they're really good[Ed] at giving you tools to be able to prepare for stuff or work through issues.[Ed] So it doesn't have to be like a marriage counselor where you're on the verge of divorce or[Ed] you're breaking up or anything like that.[Ed] It's really a good third party objective position with really good experience and tools[Ed] to be able to help you to short things out even before they happen.[Phoebe] Absolutely.[Phoebe] And then of course, you can always decide if it isn't for you.[Phoebe] Maybe you would just attach too quickly and that's your style and that's how you grew[Phoebe] up.[Phoebe] Without yourself, like that woman and she just said, nope, I can't do that.[Ed] Too risky.[Phoebe] Can't do it.[Phoebe] Too risky.[Phoebe] I need to stay focused on my primary because I attach too quickly to others so I just[Phoebe] don't engage in sex with other people.[Phoebe] So yeah, knowing yourself really well and knowing what works is huge.[Ed] Absolutely.[Phoebe] Yeah.[Phoebe] So in conclusion, NRE is fun.[Phoebe] It's exciting.[Phoebe] It's amazing.[Unknown] And it can be a dig dig.[Phoebe] But having that awareness about your feelings and what's going on with you, communicating that[Phoebe] with your partner is huge.[Phoebe] Those feelings are going to be motivated by the hormones.[Phoebe] So just know that and they're not true feelings.[Ed] Yeah.[Ed] And despite the scary part about catching feels and that new relationship energy can be dangerous[Ed] and risky, it's also really fun and exciting.[Ed] And if you temper it with a lot of communication with your partner, it can really boost your[Ed] kind of sex life in the day to day.[Ed] Yes.[Ed] It's a great tool to use in your own relationship.[Phoebe] Yes.[Unknown] That is true.[Ed] Thanks for tuning in.[Ed] We appreciate you guys joining us.[Ed] Don't forget your homework.[Ed] Tell a friend about our show and if you want, leave a review or comment.[Ed] We really like that and it helps with the algorithm to kick us up the chart.[Ed] And we can always use more viewers because we like passing this information on to other[Ed] people in the community.[Phoebe] And I know what you're going to say next.[Phoebe] You're going to say you can also leave us a voicemail at 916-538-0482.[Phoebe] But don't just leave us a voicemail, call us and ask us a question.[Phoebe] Tell us an issue, give us a problem.[Phoebe] Tell us a situation where you want us to chime in on it and answer your question.[Phoebe] We'll put you on the show.[Phoebe] We will also change your voice if you don't want your real voice heard.[Phoebe] Just let us know and then we'll put your question on our show and we'll answer it.[Phoebe] It's going to be really fun.[Ed] Yeah.[Ed] Yeah, it'd be great.[Ed] We'd love to hear from you.[Ed] So please, call us.[Unknown] Leave us a message and we'll let everybody hear your question.[Phoebe] Yes, you could be honest with us.[Phoebe] So, in closing, keep learning.[Phoebe] Keep going.[Unknown] Oh, one last thing before you go.[Ed] If this episode helped you in any way, the single best thing you can do to support the[Ed] show is leaving a rating and review.[Ed] It takes 60 seconds and helps new people find us when they're searching for relationship[Unknown] education.[Unknown] And we've made it easy.[Ed] Visit SwingerUniversity.com forward slash review.[Unknown] All the instructions are there.[Ed] Thank you for being part of this community.[Ed] We'll see you again soon.