Embracing Identity: A Veteran's Journey Through Transition with Kairi Saraya

When Kairi Saraya walked into our studio, a wave of stories untold and life experiences unbeknownst to many came with her. As a former Air Force veteran turned advocate, Kairi's tale isn't just about service to the country, but also about the courage in serving her true self. Today's heartfelt discussion unveils the complex fabric of the transgender community, with Kairi guiding us through her personal odyssey towards acceptance. We uncover the nuances of gender identity, the societal hurdles, and the internal battles faced during such a profound transformation. Embracing one's truth can be a tumultuous path, yet here, Kairi exemplifies resilience and the power of living an authentic life.

Parenting is no small feat, and it takes on an added dimension of complexity when intertwined with mental health challenges and a transitioning parent. Kairi opens up about retaining the essence of fatherhood through her transition, striking a delicate balance that maintains family bonds and respect for everyone's role within the familial unit. As we traverse the alarming intersection of suicide rates among veterans and transgender individuals, we confront the dire need for emotional literacy. Together, we stand firm in our mission to dismantle misconceptions and advocate for support systems that recognize the individual stories and struggles, emphasizing the vital importance of connection and support.

The conversation then extends beyond the personal and into the societal, examining the strides in military inclusivity and the role of performance rather than identity. Kairi's initiative within the gaming community showcases the therapeutic potential of virtual worlds as sanctuaries for veterans seeking camaraderie and understanding. Our episode is a testament to the strength found in shared experiences and the unity of purpose within these communities. As we navigate the topics of sports, gaming, and the importance of emotional literacy, we celebrate the collective journey of growth and understanding, honoring the diverse paths that lead us to become the best versions of ourselves. Join us in this episode for an enriching exploration of life's complexities and the beautiful spectrum of human identity.

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Transcript

Understanding and Acceptance of Transgender Community

Speaker 1 0:43

All right, welcome back everybody to another episode of the Do-Hard Things podcast. I'm your host, jt leadership trainer, speaker, adventure coach, founder of the Do-Hard Things Nation, and I'd like to welcome you to another episode. This podcast is about learning, growth, leveling up so you can be the best version of yourself, achieve your highest potential and be the role model that our country desperately needs us to be. In today's episode, we have Kairi Sarayah. How are you doing, kairi? Doing good Surprise. I'm super excited about this episode. We ran across each other not too long ago and I was surprised. I'm not going to lie, we'll get into that here momentarily, but I'm glad you're here. We're going to talk about your journey with being transgender. I have some questions and I know this is going to be a fantastic episode.

Speaker 2 1:31

I'm all for it.

Speaker 1 1:32

Awesome. But before we get into today's episode, real quick, make sure you smash the subscribe button so you're notified of future episodes. If you're listening to us on your favorite platform, take a moment. Go over to iTunes. Itunes is where you leave the reviews and that's the gold standard. Take a few minutes If you've gained any value. I know you might be a Spotify listener Maybe you're watching us on YouTube but go over to Apple iTunes. Leave us an honest review. They really do go a long way to expanding our reach and audience. That means a lot to me personally, so, thank you. Share it with a couple of your friends. There's no doubt that what we talk about today will be useful, insightful, beneficial to someone out there. Take a screenshot, share it with a couple of your friends. Our contact information is in the show notes. If you have a question for me or a comment, or a Kyrie you want to reach out, all that information will be in the show notes, so check us out there.

Speaker 1 2:22

This episode is sponsored by Lions Guide. Lions Guide is a growth agency. We feel that everyone is a leader and we make leaders better. Sometimes you feel like being the one in charge can be incredibly overwhelming Without the right support. You can feel like you're hardly keeping up with demands. You might be struggling with staff or the team. Maybe you find yourself overwhelmed and rather than confident in having that peace of mind that you need. Well, it doesn't have to be that way. Lions Guide helps leaders like you gain confidence, accomplish more and earn the personal freedom you sought to achieve. We can help you with our online academy, group coaching, one-on-one coaching and organizational workshops. We'll fly out to you and host a workshop to help you dominate and scale on your team. So go to wwwlionsguidecom. I'm the high performance development director there and I'm on the team and we're here to serve.

Speaker 1 3:12

This episode is also brought to you by UARD, the University of Applied Research and Development. We help veterans obtain their bachelor and master's degree in emergency management. You study abroad in New Zealand for a short trip or a longer trip up to three months. It's a fully funded VA program. You can use your GI bill. You can use VocRehab or other benefits for this program. This is specifically for veterans. You get maximum credit for military service. Get your bachelor and master's degree in less than a year. That's the goal for every new student. It's nontraditional distance learning, so it's very flexible, all of your instructors have tremendous experience and you're going, your classmates are veterans and I'm one of the faculty there and if you sign up, we're going to spend at least 10 days down New Zealand together doing some hard things.

Speaker 1 3:57

So go to dohardthingsnationcom. Click on the Do Hard Things Down Under or Next Mission Project link. You can also go to wwwuarduniversity. Reach out to me directly. We can get you in contact with an academic advisor see if this is right for you. But it's too great of a program to just, you know, not pay attention to you. So go check it out. All right.

Speaker 1 4:17

And finally, if you need some Do Hard Things merch or gear, hats or apparel, go to dohardthingsnationcom. That's how you can support the show, show the world that you do hard things. I got this awesome Do Hard Things hat. We got shirts, we got hoodies, we got the Ranger panties over there. We got all sorts of stuff to get you motivated and all high quality made by my lovely wife Lacey. Thank you for everything that you do to support and all the behind the scenes stuff. Everything that you see here could not do it without my wonderful wife, so all right. So a little bit about Kyrie. Kyrie Saraya is a former United States Air Force veteran, specializing in intelligence and worked in special operations. Kyrie is a parent lover, gamer, transgender, dreamer, board president and executive director of veterans gaming and mental health mission. And, kyrie, I'm excited to have you here today. Thanks for being here.

Speaker 2 5:05

Thanks for having me on. I'm super excited to just have some free flowing thought, and even if it reaches one person that can help them in some way, shape or form, then I'm all for it.

Speaker 1 5:16

Yeah, absolutely. Well, I had reached out to you, I think, via the Millennial Veteran Group. I was just trying to connect with veterans, do some research, just trying to connect as I'm creating some programs for transitioning veterans. And you'd booked a call and, to my surprise, when we hopped on, I'm like whoa, what's this?

Speaker 2 5:31

Yo yes absolutely.

Speaker 1 5:34

I was like what's going on here and we had a fantastic conversation and if I say something, just preface the conversation today. If I say something off-putting, offensive, out of line, please let me know. I'm generally curious about the topic here and I think for me personally it was like oh wow, what a great opportunity. Because in my 44 years on this planet, my knowledge and communication, I don't know much about the transgender community. It's a big topic in society, especially as I approach the tail end of my military career. There's a lot of policies in place and I'm just like there's a lot of things happening and I don't feel like I know much about this and it's easy to. I know it because I've had conversations like this is a mental health issue.

Speaker 1 6:29

This is like what is going on. This is so weird. It's counter to my religion and my politics and, as we were talking before I came on today, or before we started this, today we need to have the conversation about love and acceptance and shared understanding of what it means to be transgender, and with understanding we can make better decisions and have better conversations and have more gratitude and appreciation and understanding. So that's why I'm personally excited about today's conversation. So where do we start today? How do you want to start this off?

Speaker 2 7:04

I can kick it off with my preface too, like I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but you don't have the power to offend me and nobody does. So like questions are totally natural. Most people don't wake up and say, oh, I'm the other gender, like ah, that makes it make sense, so it's. I don't want to say it's unnatural, it's out of the norm. So like questions are totally natural and I'm not one of those people that are on the edge of my seat like waiting to be offended at something you say or you know. I don't buy into that type of culture either, because I come from a perspective of understanding. I mean, I stumbled into this realization by accident when I started my journey. It was not to be nonprofit streamer girl, I wanted to be the big time streamer guy. I had no clue.

Speaker 1 7:57

Well, I think you bring a great point because I think people are scared to have the conversations because of cancel culture. Everyone is so like trigger happy about trying to gun people down in regards like socially and put people down and we're tiptoeing around a lot of like deeper conversations and I think it stifles understanding.

Speaker 2 8:16

Absolutely.

Speaker 1 8:17

I love the mindset of you can't offend me, right, because that means that you're in a really positive mindset.

Speaker 2 8:24

Yeah, and I don't. I don't like cancel culture. I think it's pretty lame, like it started, as most movements do, organically and from a place that was seemingly pure, but it's developed into a weapon and it's a silencing tool. And you know who else silenced people Hitler. You know that's not the freedom I fought for, my, the freedom that I understand, the freedom that I fought for, the freedom that you fought for, that every veteran out there fought for, is the freedom to do as you please, as long as you ain't hurt nobody else.

Speaker 1 8:55

Yeah.

Speaker 2 8:57

Say. I mean, if you got hate in your heart, let it out, dude, let's hear it. We don't have to agree and I'm not here to change people's ideals or ideology and like what they believe is and isn't. You know, because I just am, I don't know how else to say it. I mean, you know, it's like my best friend, one of my best friends literally told me like, dude, I can't see you as anything other than a dude in a wig, but I still love you. And I sat on that for like two months, like man, that really bothers me, like why does it bother me so much? Like why can't he see me as the woman that I feel, like I am? And then it dawned on me like, oh, but I still love you. That's the only part that mattered in that whole sentence. Like he doesn't have to agree with how I see things and how I present, and because he's not saying don't do it. He's a veteran too. You know he fought for that same freedom. Go for it. Do you think, girl? It's just how he sees me and it, you know it doesn't coincide with his religion, which is fine, you know, I understand that.

Speaker 2 10:01

But I do want to be a trailblazer in some regards to lead to a better path of understanding. Like, when I came out, I really fell in this hole of you know, you come out and you're just breaking out of this mold of what people think you are, and then I found myself falling into another mold of what I thought being transgender was. And then I had to have a some interpersonal conversation and realization and then I was like you know, these people that I'm following on Twitter and stuff, like I don't agree with them. I'm pretty conservative in a lot of things and you know, comparatively to them, they're all, like you know, defund, the police, anti-dissacelioritarianism. Like you know stuff that they have no idea what they're talking about and I just don't align with that. So it dawned on me like I don't have to fit any other mold, I can just beat.

Speaker 1 11:00

How did you, how did, when did you learn? Or how did this come about that, hey, when was the realization that you know what I am transgender? Can you describe that process for us?

Speaker 2 11:11

All right, I'm going to try to make a super nuanced story a bit shorter. I had at the time I was still Jcard on Twitch. I was a streamer and I was starting to develop a community and then that little gaggle, it was literally called Jcard's community toilet, Like it was just a joke.

Speaker 1 11:29

But was this before the military, or during or after?

Discovering and Embracing Transgender Identity

Speaker 2 11:31

This was 2021, after the military, mid mid 2021. I had already been on this like endeavor of finding healing in myself and then, once I found healing, I wanted to share that with people. I wanted other people to feel the joy that I finally achieved because, like I have eight and a half years of alcoholism under my belt, I know what chasing that dragon is and I finally caught it. And I caught it when an individual, a former Navy SEAL, came to me and said hey, dude, three nights ago, when you had me on your stream, I just wanted to let you know that was the night I planned on ending my life and the only reason I didn't was because you said hello to me. That's all it took.

Speaker 1 12:16

I was like wow.

Speaker 2 12:17

So I knew there was something bigger going on. I was already on this endeavor of helping people. I wasn't quite to the stage of like, let's do a nonprofit, but this certain individual came to me and I didn't know what to do. They said you know, jay, I'm in my fifties, I have my family will never understand it and I'll make up a name for all intents and purposes, but my whole life I've been Danielle and I've felt like a Dan and I was like what? I don't know anything about that, like I don't. I couldn't figure out a way to help them. So I came up with an idea. I was like what if? What if?

Speaker 2 13:02

I went live dressed as a woman and didn't tell anyone, just to show them that, like, the right people in your life will stay, the wrong ones will go, it'll sort itself out and it'll cut your own bad fruit off of your tree in the process. So I called my girl, kelly. She lives 45 minutes away. She got here in 30 minutes after. I said Kelly, I need you to turn me into a woman and she came over with all her makeup, she brought a wig, she brought everything. And you know, I, like a dude would. I'm sitting here like, oh, dude, like woman, like this is going to be funny man.

Speaker 2 13:36

But I like to say I fucked around and found out because I went down the hallway, looked in the mirror and looked and I was like, oh, and then it was like this weird, weird feeling of like what is that? And I can't deal with that. I got to go stream right now and I did. I went and streamed and it went well, that she now lives his life as he. But then I was like what the heck was that feeling? What did I just experience? So I went on like a three, four month deeply introspective and public journey of like questioning what did I like so much about seeing? That was why did I finally feel like at the time I was 29? Why did I finally feel at 29 that I saw a version of me that I could love?

Speaker 2 14:32

And it was questions that I asked myself like is it some weird Freudism? Is it filling the void of not having the woman in your life that you desire? Is it fetishizing yourself? Like all these really critically objective questions. And after I went through the whole list at my you know I tried to fight it I was like I don't want it to be. I don't want it to be transgender. I don't want to be transgender because at the time, I didn't know what that entailed. I was scared of it, but I ultimately concluded live on stream. That's what it was like. My exact words quote fucking shit, dudes, turns out I'm transgender. Like I had no clue. Here we are. We'll figure it out as we go, but that's how I stumbled into it.

Speaker 1 15:23

What was that journey like? Is you know? What do people, your closest friends, say? What did your family say? Were you? You? Were you still married at this point in time?

Transgender Challenges and Identity Exploration

Speaker 2 15:33

No, I got divorced back in 2013. Um, I was single at the time. My family they did not take it well, Actually, they didn't take it at all. They dropped me immediately, you know, which was kind of funny. Eight and a half years of rampant, addiction and rehabs and all this stuff, and but the the, the one line is like I feel more feminine inside than masculine. They're like no, we're out. We're just kind of silly if you think about it, but I've lost a couple of friends over it, you know, because they don't get it and they don't want to get it, and I can't like that's not, they don't have to get it. I can't make them want to get it. Like, if they love me for who I am, they would stay. The right ones will stay and the wrong ones will go. So that's truly what I believe.

Speaker 1 16:24

Yeah, absolutely. So what was the biggest? What has been the biggest challenge for you coming out and and embracing this as your, your identity? What has been the most challenging aspect of this?

Speaker 2 16:47

Really being 30 years old and really finally finding who I am. Like I just had no clue who I was at all, my place in the world, what my role is, where I belong. And then I I couldn't find it and then I was like I'll just make it, I'll just make where I belong. I think the hardest thing, truthfully, was the family. That's weighed on me pretty heavy. You know, I have children and I tried and tried and tried to put it off but, like through HRT and stuff, changes started happening and they were noticing changes so I had to sit the kids down and that was pretty hard. I was really scared of that. They're 10 and 11 and like nobody has a guide for parenting, let alone how to tell your kids you're trans, like, hey, your dad feels like a woman. Yeah, how? I mean, I'm always going to be their father, first and foremost. Like regardless of if I go by, she, her, you know, feel more feminine. I'm always going to be their father and I made that clear to them that's my role in their life.

Speaker 1 17:57

So this might be a so nuanced question. You're always going to be their father. Why not mother?

Speaker 2 18:06

I feel like mother is a title that I didn't earn. Because, like mother to me is like you carried that baby, you created that, like it takes two to tango and both parties take, take their place in creating a baby. But a woman carries that baby and just states it for nine months and then delivers a baby. And if I just come in like oh. I'm trans, so I'm a mother now, like I just number two yeah.

Speaker 2 18:31

I don't know. For me personally, like for other dichotomies, it may work perfectly well, that's you know. It could be totally different, because there's no one size fits all with this. It is very nuanced, like you said, but to me it just felt like I was taking away from their birth mother, and I don't want to do that. I'm not here to take.

Speaker 1 18:52

No, that's, that's a it's very interesting take on that and I curious on that Now are you, are you attracted to other females? Men both.

Speaker 2 19:05

That's a good question, because I asked myself that I was like well, what does this mean for my sexuality? Well, it doesn't mean anything for my sexuality, it's not correlated with it. Now let me tell you, the dating game has been pretty sweet ever since I came out because I still like I have my preference as a guy I had explored and experienced. I guess if you had to put a label on it, I would be considered pansexual. I don't really care about labels, Like you know I. What does that mean for those that that may not fully?

Speaker 1 19:39

understand what that term means to my understanding, and don't crucify me if I'm wrong Listener?

Speaker 2 19:45

I don't know. You can't crucify me if I'm wrong listeners out there, but to my understanding it is that it's more about hearts, not parts.

Speaker 1 19:53

Yeah, you don't, you don't, you don't really see gender, you just love or attracted to the person.

Speaker 2 19:58

Yeah, kind of like, kind of, but that's almost like saying I don't see color and I don't buy into that either. Like, like, yeah, I see color. I see the adversity in us. I see our differences. I see the different unique struggles that each color has had to go through. So I don't know it's. It's like I'm I'm struggling to find words for it.

Speaker 2 20:30

I realized that there was a misconception that even I had being the transgender person, because you have your, you have your hearts, not parts that mentality, but you still have your preference, almost like a spectrum. You know, if this was zero to 100, you know it would be like 100% women, trans women, because I like femininity, I figured out that that's what I like. And then men, you know, or masculinity, would be like lower on the spectrum. That's not not there. I'm open minded.

Speaker 2 21:04

I have some guy could come in and sweep me off my feet one day. It would surprise me, but it's possible. I mean, shit, I didn't. If I can wake up one day be like, oh, I'm trans, like anything is possible. But I know what I like and I know my preference. I did explore as a guy and found where I landed on that scale and then realized that those two really don't have anything to do with one another and I thought that my dating pool would be so small. A trans woman who dates women and Jay. Let me tell you something they just love that shit.

Speaker 1 21:41

That's awesome, that's awesome it's, it's been pretty great, oh, we're good. Well, let's go. Let's rewind back to your kids Now. What did your kids say the moment? Just describe that moment like where were you? Were you dressed like when you, when you saw them? Or you dressed like you're dressed now, or what did? No, I was seen for us there.

Speaker 2 22:05

Yeah, sure, I was still in this like interim of like. I was dressing when they weren't around and presenting as they weren't around, but when they were around I was male, you know, presenting as a guy rather, because the reason I correct that is I think there's male and female, that's science. I'm always genetically going to be a male, like the X Y chromosome, male puberty. That's what I went through. It's always going to be the case. But I think man and woman is something different, and this is just my personal belief, my take on it. I I sat them down and I saw it as a unique opportunity because they're very close in age and they're almost like twins. So their their whole life, up to 10 and 11 years old. Well, they were. I guess there were nine and 10 at the time. They've always been hey guys, do y'all want to do? Y'all want to do this or what do y'all think about? What a y'all? And it was a unique opportunity to sit them down one on one and give them some sense of self. And so I sat them down one by one, and I did my daughter first, because I knew she would be a little easier to go about she's. She's younger, but she's a little bit more mature, as as is often the case with little boys and girls.

Speaker 2 23:23

I had my Facebook pulled up, kairi Saraya, and I was like hey, I want to talk to you about something. I'm not really sure how to go about it. Just know that I love you and I want you to understand as best I can explain what I'm about to tell you. There's no wrong answer here. Anything you say stays with us. You can say whatever comes to your mind in this conversation. Right now we're on level ground. But do you see this girl? Do you see this girl and my daughter? She was like yeah, and I said that's me.

Speaker 2 24:08

She was like OK, so can I play with your wigs. I mean like, what's the deal? Like she was so good with it.

Speaker 2 24:16

She like she didn't care, you know, she took it really well and we had a conversation about, like I realize I just feel more feminine than you like masculine. You know I've done the whole masculine thing. I've been a guy. I kind of conquered that mountain and it led me to December 21st of 2020. That was the night I tried to end my life. My name used to be Justin I don't care about dead name Like oh, don't use my dead name. Like what you're going to deny the past, like that was who you were. So I don't mind bringing him up. And Justin was tired man. Justin couldn't do it no more and it was Kairi's time to shine. I think she's always been in there.

Speaker 2 24:54

When I did that deep interpersonal introspection I came to, I came to realize like that feeling I had in the mirror at 29 years old, I'd had it before, I'd had it as a young seven year old child, well before like sexual maturity. So that's that helped me eliminate. Is it something sexual? I had it again in my teens and I had a pretty traumatic childhood. I mean I could probably remember 10 things total from my childhood. But this day, clear as day man, I was at my buddy Shane's house. I lived in Pittsfield, mass. We were going snowboarding on a Saturday. I just got a PS2 and I was showing him Kingdom Hearts, like I remember all of it, and there was a character in the game called Kairi. And when she came on the screen I'm like 13, 12 or 13 at the time and that feeling hit me and I'm standing there with my buddy and my butt tightened up, like oh so uncomfortable, like how do you deal with that at 13? I didn't know what it was, but I'd had that feeling before.

Speaker 1 25:58

And what was? What was the feeling.

Speaker 2 26:00

I still yet to put it into words accurately. The best I've come up with is A very strange, unfamiliar, uncomfortable comfort.

Speaker 1 26:17

An uncomfortable comfort. What was the uncomfortable aspect of it? Because it was like what is that feeling?

Speaker 2 26:22

What does that mean? And what, what, what's going on inside of me? And then you know the machoism of a guy, or the guy that was in me, you know, in the, the ego and pride that I carried with that was like you know, not, not, you know, that's, that's, that's wussy man, you know, that is like I saw it as weak, like I saw it as weak, and then I was like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Are you telling me and this was my thoughts to myself are you telling me you see women as weak? Well, you go in there and have a baby. You go in there and do your thing, you know. So it really led me to like really check in myself and where I had some deep beliefs, like deep seated beliefs, just from indoctrination and how I was raised, of like traditional roles. But I'm here to tell you, man, tradition and heritage is dead people's baggage and I ain't here to carry that.

Speaker 1 27:22

So did you see the character? Like where you like, inspired, like you just saw yourself, like? Did that character like the way you're dressed now? Is that what you took on and embodied Like? What was it about that particular character?

Speaker 2 27:37

I would say maybe at first, but like just the scene that she's brought up is she's just shown as like she's shown as love in a nuanced kind of way, and then she gets cut off from the main character and they fall apart in the video. And that video is the intro to Kingdom Hearts. I it was almost like it personified my internal struggle, because Kairi's always been in there. I just didn't know her. I didn't want to know her, I was afraid of her, I didn't want to think about it. That's why I repressed it and then my subconscious held onto it until it was like here you go.

Speaker 2 28:29

Just to fully answer your question, because I kind of went around about, way I'd say, in that regard. Yeah, I did try to embody her in the beginning, but then over the course of time I did find me and what I felt was how I wanted to present.

Speaker 1 28:50

So bottom line, I guess we're rewind just a little bit. This is you telling your daughter your daughter had no really issue with it.

Speaker 2 28:57

Right. She was basically like, can I play with her wigs? Can we do makeup together? Like she was with it and my son he's a year older, but he didn't. I had the same conversation, sat them down, the same way, we're on level field, and I looked at him and I said do you see that girl? And he said yeah, I said that's me and he didn't get it. He was like what, almost like it kind of broke my heart and away because I could see it like you're my dad, how can you be a woman if you're my dad? How could I be? Until I realized like, dude, I can still be your dad, even if I present feminine Cause. Like let me tell you, I had a very successful MMA career.

Parenting, Mental Health, and Suicide Ideation

Speaker 2 29:46

I did special operations and this motherfucking weird come off real quick if somebody needs to get up at E, you know what I'm saying. So like I still have that, that installation in me to like protect and teach him man stuff which would be not PC. These days I don't care about PC, you know what I mean and I'm not here to offend you by saying that. So that's where I kind of draw my line in the sand with like cancel culture If there's a better way to say it. Please educate me If I can say it with more nuance. I'm all ears for it. That's the best way I know how to put it.

Speaker 2 30:22

But he didn't get it. And even a couple months in, like I'd walk through the kitchen and he'd be at his computer you know, we're just kind of doing our own thing and he would look and then double take and be like, oh, and I really don't. I can't understand the full scope of the effect it's gonna have on him until later on in life when he can articulate and fully fathom. You know the whole picture. My only goal as a parent was to set out and let them know that they're loved and know what love is Cause I know I'm gonna screw up as a parent, I know they're gonna need therapy. Looking where I came from, they got it pretty good. And as long as they know what love is and that they are loved unconditionally, then I accomplished my job.

Speaker 1 31:18

Well, I commend you cause you're still here, right? You talked about that brush with, you know, suicide ideation and going down that path, right, and I've walked that path myself and it's a horrible place to be and you know that's so. Commend you for owning it, and you know.

Speaker 2 31:36

And thank you for sharing that too, man, cause your story does have power. I mean, I truly believe and this is coming from somebody that doesn't really believe in anything any higher. You know, I think we're here on a rock flying through space by chance, but I truly believe that nobody should ever feel the way that I felt that night, or the way you felt that night, the way anybody felt the night, that they were so close or even attempted that. It's just, it's inhuman to feel that way and I don't want anyone to ever have to go through that, if I can help it.

Speaker 1 32:16

It's a great way to describe it it's inhuman. It's the lowest feeling you could possibly feel, dude, beyond that.

Speaker 2 32:26

I can put myself back there and it is so scary, like I'm not. I'm not going to get emotional. I'm going to try not to at least, but I was. I was doing the same thing I did every night for eight years drinking alone, listening to the same sad songs, watching the intro to like Save and Private Ryan, just self triggering, spiraling. The algorithm had me down to a T. It knew what songs I wanted and a song came on and a line played that said in that moment I don't even think twice the end of a shattered life. And I said that's it, I'm done.

Speaker 2 33:07

And it was so scary Because I wasn't scared, I wasn't full of hate, I wasn't full of pain, I was devoid of emotion. And that is inhuman, because we're creatures of emotion, whether you like it or not. We're creatures of connection and we feel, whether you like it or not, and we're not taught how to feel. I didn't know how to feel properly. I stood up, I went and grabbed my weapon and I'm proficient with a weapon I can assure you it was loaded, I put it in my mouth and did not think twice and I pulled the trigger and to this day couldn't tell you why it didn't go off. So if I can prevent even one person from ever feeling that way, then my mission is accomplished.

Speaker 1 33:59

I appreciate you sharing that. That's incredibly powerful and I'm glad it didn't go off. I'm glad that you're here sharing your story because this, you know, maybe the story is to inspire, motivate others right, Give them a sense of hope, and I know especially I mean this ideation, this suicide ideation, is affecting our society, but it's incredibly imbalanced with the veteran community.

Speaker 2 34:21

Yeah, did you see that recent study that the real number could actually be 44 a day?

Transgender Experiences and Gender Identity

Speaker 1 34:27

Yeah, and that's alarming because 22 is a lot. Yeah, oh my gosh. Yeah, we're going in the wrong direction. Absolutely, absolutely. Well, I've got some frequently asked questions here, so I'd like to hit you up with some of those. Why don't transgender people get counseling to accept the gender they were assigned at birth? Why can't you just accept it? I hear this one come up in conversation with this lack of understanding, right?

Speaker 2 35:01

You know, I've never been asked that, I've never had a phrase that way. First of all, I'm offended. No, I'm just kidding, that's a good question, I mean. So here's the thing I never experienced gender dysphoria and for those that don't know, it's the feeling of being the wrong gender. At birth, like I realized, I felt more feminine than masculine, had the freedom to do it, and I was like, ok, I'm going to do that because that's the country we live in, the freedom to do it, because it's not hard. Nobody, I'm not out here telling people to be trans or think like me or like this trans agenda. That may or may not exist. I'm just doing me, man. But why don't trans people get counseling? You know?

Speaker 2 35:47

I think that, as the official anointed leader of trans people, joe, I think I guess, if I have to, there would be two ways to answer it, because for me, I never experienced gender dysphoria to the point where it's physically painful to see yourself in the mirror and be like I hate this body part or this because it's masculine or feminine. Or I never experienced that. I've always been like, you know, I've got a pretty decent bod. I've never had any problem. You know, putting backs on mattresses. You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 36:24

So it was like I never had that part to deal with and so it was actually relatively recently that I had it really explained to me, like what gender dysphoria is, and it's like this deep, it's beyond a feeling, it's beyond an experience. It's this profound intuition that it's wrong, like you know how you have some things that are hard grained in you of like right and wrong. Like it's wrong to kill someone and if you went and killed someone you'd be like this is so wrong to do it. That's what they would feel like. But looking at their body and I'm sure there is counseling that is sought after, but why don't they just accept the way they are?

Speaker 2 37:20

Well, who says they have to? That is our freedom in this country to be able to transition, if that's what makes you feel better. Like I'm of the mind that if you can handle your business, whatever you do to your body and put in or take out of your body is your business. That being said, I've yet to meet one successful heroin addict. So I mean there's lines, not lines of heroin, but lines in the sand. That's a really interesting question.

Speaker 1 38:00

Because that's the. I guess the root of this question is is that if you're trans, you got a mental health issue. That's how I read that. Maybe I'm wrong, someone out there can correct me. But when I hear that or that's just the conversation that I hear it's like they're just confused. They're mentally ill. There's just something not right in their brain. That's why they're confused. They should just go seek counseling. Why are they going through this whole process of changing themselves with hormone therapy and all the actual medical process? If someone chooses to go down that path, why don't they just seek counseling?

Speaker 2 38:36

Well, if you look at the DSM-5, they actually don't qualify gender identity quote disorder is what they used to call it as a disorder anymore, because it was falling under the classification of mentally ill. I don't know off the top of my head where it falls under, like gender dysphoria, but as I understand it, gender dysphoria was added to diagnose and treat those transgender individuals who felt distress at the mismatch between their identities and their body. The new diagnoses recognized that a mismatch between one birth gender and identity was not necessarily pathological. It shifted the emphasis and treatment from fixing a disorder to resolving distress over the mismatch. So I guess I would, until I can really chew on that and have a solid answer.

Speaker 2 39:33

I guess I would answer your question with a question to try to better understand in me who's to say they have to like, who would you be to say they have to accept their gender identity and just being mismatched at birth? Who's to play God in that role? And then, at the same time, I would say if you have something in you that feels right or wrong, like, if you find something that's wrong, if you're anything like me, you wanna fix it. That's what most people I think wanna do is fix what's wrong. It's just inherent in our nature as human beings.

Speaker 1 40:18

Yeah Well, I think the argument is hey, you're born with a penis, you're obviously a man. Act like a man.

Speaker 2 40:24

Right.

Speaker 1 40:26

You should be a woman, right, and you should be doing woman things right, and so I think that's kind of where like who's to say right?

Speaker 2 40:32

Right, and I think that's where it comes in.

Speaker 1 40:34

And then you go with the Bible right.

Speaker 2 40:35

It's biblical right. I've read the Bible quite a few times, kinda find some holes in it, but anybody that adheres or believes in the Bible, dude, that's their freedom to express that belief. That is the freedom I fought for, even if I don't believe in it. I signed that blank check up to and including my life to be able to for anyone to be able to practice that within the boundaries of this nation. I appreciate that question. That is a really interesting question. You got any more of those in the pocket?

Speaker 1 41:10

The other one I have. This is probably more personal. You know, Sure Kind of confusing to people, but like, when you're in the public, which restroom do you use?

Speaker 2 41:18

So when I first came out and the first time I ever went out I was so torn Cause like I don't want any problems, I don't want no issue, I'm not like I don't want anyone to be like oh my God, a guy's in the girls room. But if you look at Matt Walsh's sentiment of like, you have this. I'll make up a percent, but it's like very, very 0.0 something percent amount of trans people. Trans people that would go and then expose themselves to someone in the opposite gender restroom or the gender that they identify with. Anybody exposing themselves in a restroom is wrong. That's not just exclusively a trans privilege, so like.

Speaker 1 42:05

Yeah well, I'm at the urinal, someone's turning at me and like just I don't, I don't mean, I don't mean.

Speaker 2 42:11

Yeah, like anybody doing that is wrong, but it's framed, you know, because it has kind of become a political football. It dawned on me also that personal restrooms are probably a direction we should head in, just for multiple reasons sanitation, privacy, you know, I don't know logistically how realistic that is. I mean, if you've got a place holding a thousand people, it makes sense to have a restroom with X amount of toilets in it so people can come and go.

Speaker 1 42:41

But Well, I go to the gas station often. Right, you got to stop. You're getting some gas. You go in. There's two. There's obviously two bathrooms, one with the male marker, one with the female. But I've been in situations where there's like three or four dudes waiting in line, but you know that there's no one in the female bathroom and it's like Right. Well, why don't we just have two bathrooms?

Speaker 2 43:01

Why does it have to be designated that way?

Speaker 1 43:03

I'll just go in there you know I don't care and I'll apologize to a woman if she opens. If I open the door, walk out and she's there, I'm like I'm sorry, I gotta head to go.

Speaker 2 43:12

Yeah, I mean when nature calls.

Speaker 1 43:14

Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 2 43:15

You know, bathrooms also used to be black and white man bathrooms can change.

Speaker 2 43:20

You know, what I mean. True, yeah, not to say that it's like equatable, like, ah, trans have it like the black people had with slavery, but you know, just to point out that the whole idea or the dichotomy around bathrooms can change For me, I think. I think I have a privilege in that, like I do pass, quote, unquote I don't know if that term flies anymore, I don't know what's like on the up and up, but the way it was taught to me is passing privilege. Like if somebody looked at me they would see like, oh, that's a woman. Until I spoke and I'm like yo, so like I can get in and out of a woman's restroom and they have no issue and I finally came to realize that. But then there's people that don't exactly pass, so to speak, but they still want to be comfortable in their gender identity. I think it applies to all that like, just like you said, it should just be bathroom, not so but you tend to go to the female bathroom because you can pass it off, because you look more.

Speaker 1 44:29

You look yeah, I'm told that's a privilege. You look very nice. I mean you look like. When I saw your photo I'm like I'm, you know Kyrie's coming on, and then I heard your voice. I'm like whoa what. But your physical features, you look, you know, very feminine and very much like a woman.

Speaker 2 44:45

You thank you. I appreciate that you wouldn't believe the amount of open mouth stairs I've got, because, like on LinkedIn, I don't really post about being trans all that often because it doesn't, it's not pertinent to business. Like, man or woman, you're still equally capable in most circumstances, if not all of like getting a job accomplished. So then I'll get into meetings of people that know me through LinkedIn only and then I'll be like, hey, how are you? And they're like, hey, it takes a minute. You see the wheel spinning right.

Speaker 2 45:19

Like what. I love those moments because I'm able to break that barrier down and be like, hey, what's up? I mean, if you got questions, they're totally cool.

Speaker 1 45:28

Yeah, no.

Speaker 1 45:29

I love the fact that you're so open-minded and willing to educate right and help the rest of us understand what's going on, because we have questions. I think the open-minded people do and, like you said, for me, I genuinely want to understand some of these things so I can be just more open-minded and inclusive. And I wasn't always that way. Sure, I wasn't. Now, follow up question what do you think about the? Because we're talking about LinkedIn, so I'm seeing pronouns used all the time and the use of pronouns, and there's some organizations that are kind of forcing their employees to use pronouns and lead with pronouns. What do you think about that? Because there's some apprehension to that.

Speaker 2 46:14

I think it's pretty lame, like it's really not relevant to the workspace. It's more of a virtue signal at this point of like. If somebody is straight up a dude, I guess, or maybe that's even offensive, I don't care If somebody is straight up a dude and like their guy all the way top to bottom, but then they've got like he, him. I'm so virtuous in that because I identify and I'm an ally with you. But for me they do help, cause, like if you heard my voice versus seeing me, you might be like do I call you man or ma'am, or you could just ask. That's where we need to get, just to the point where you can just ask and it's not like offensive.

Speaker 1 47:03

Yeah, so don't force people to use it. But if you choose to identify and make it known that's what you'd like to be called, then that's appropriate yeah.

Speaker 2 47:11

I mean I think there's other other signifying things, but it is very nuanced and, you know, I think the pronouns were like a organic, organically developed as a thing to help identify people, but then developed into something that was like virtue signaling and then it became blanket corporate. You know, one size fits all to the point where it's. You know, the pendulum always swings and there's going to be pushback from both sides till you find a happy medium. And the pushback on that is, like you know, it's on the polar opposite of mine. I don't deal with that mental illness stuff, like you know. So it's just it's super complex and really irrelevant. That's the whole thing. Like, my gender is so irrelevant and the big scheme of things, and so is yours really, cause it's not, like people say, gender identity. I don't like that, cause it's not my identity.

Speaker 2 48:14

I'm Kyrie, I'm that dude in a wig, I'm that chick, I'm that, whatever you want to call me, cause what you say doesn't define me. I do know that I'm a good person. I'm here to spread love. I have flaws, cause I'm human, but I know that I'm out there trying to prevent the next one. When it comes to veteran suicide, I'm trying to prevent anyone I can from ever feeling that way. At the end of the day, that's what matters. But at our current state of development, I do feel like I am in a position to be a trailblazer, to lead by example of education to people like yourself and maybe some listeners that are like I don't get it, I'm uncomfortable with it. That's fine, but being uncomfortable promotes change. Change promotes growth.

Speaker 1 49:07

Absolutely. That's what the whole do hard things, you know, nation and the mantra is all about. Right, it's like facing these difficulties and you know, from this perspective, it's understanding, having an understanding challenging your own beliefs. And I like to think of you know why did I have a lot of that vocabulary growing up in those thoughts? Cause before I joined the military, I mean, I had a lot of just things that I said that I'm ashamed of.

Speaker 2 49:36

Oh, me too.

Military Accommodations for Transgender Individuals

Speaker 1 49:38

And you know, when I joined the military and I'm like you know, and I'm working with all of these different variety of people, I'm like that's all BS. That was fed down, you know, from someone else that was came from tradition closed mindedness, you know, and it's just not true. It's like it's, it's ridiculous.

Speaker 2 49:58

I'd be willing to bet, just based on your demeanor and how you carry yourself, that you know, just like I do, that when you're in that foxhole, it does not matter Credence or creed, clearance, race, religion, gender, that shit does not matter. What matters is you know that person has your six while you're covering them.

Speaker 1 50:18

Can you do your job? Can you do your job? And so this is a great segue to my next question, and we're almost at an hour, so we'll exit here toward the door here soon. But do you think that the military should accommodate for transgender individuals?

Speaker 2 50:38

Hmm, well, I don't think it like. I don't think being transgender is gonna inherently make somebody any more or less able to do their job, and in fact I think now this is a corporate side of me trying to come out and give a corporate answer but it's truly how I feel. Like if you have a person that's transgender let's take in this example, this theoretical you have a guy that feels like a gal and they would feel a lot better if they were able to be a gal. Don't you think they'd be able to do their job better if they felt better? Because if that's the case, then that's to say, women shouldn't be serving in the military. If you say like, oh well, trans people couldn't, shouldn't serve, like I can still go out there and I can still kick ass, just like any other trans person, cis person, whatever person, I think labels are lame, you know it's whether the person can do their job or not, and I don't think that has much inflection on their gender, aside from accommodating to the extent of, if they want counseling, have counseling readily available.

Speaker 2 51:46

Mental health is a like. Understanding your mental health is a key aspect to dealing with it so that you can heal from your past, because we all have pasts we need to heal from. Accommodation is to the extent of like HRT and gender-affirming therapy and gender-affirming therapy, hormone therapy and sexual reassignment therapy, I would say yeah, because it's so. It's so few and far between If you look at like the numbers. As long as, as long as there's my whole, my whole takeaway is this I don't think anybody should transition in search of something. I think they should know who they are like. I could still be Justin and be happy. I did this because I have the freedom to do it. I mean, I don't. I don't see why not? I mean, do you see any holes in? Why or why not?

Speaker 1 52:42

I Think the and I'm looking at this from a commander perspective you know, whatever, whatever that comes down the pike, your policies came down the pike. I think that's a good thing. I think that's a good thing. I think that's a good thing. You know well, whatever, whatever that comes down the pike, your policies came down. You know there's a lot of briefings and whatnot to you know troops, hey, this is what's happening. There's a lot of like, disgruntled, like, oh, but the same thing happened when I was a combat engineer and they let females join, right? Oh, the girls can't, do they try to be remarkable soldiers, mm-hmm. My initial concern is how does this affect unit cohesion? Because you have those people that you know group, like, you know my, my own ignorance, growing up in a vacuum, joining the military. And how does that affect unit cohesion and what? There will be some challenges initially, until it becomes more.

Speaker 2 53:41

Accepted.

Speaker 1 53:42

Yeah, yeah, I was making special accommodations because there's, like the whole, not there. So when you're going through the therapy you're non deployable and someone's gonna really slack and.

Speaker 2 53:52

I did not know that.

Speaker 1 53:54

Yeah, from my understanding now it could be I could be wrong. There's this is. This was a few years ago, I don't know some things that have.

Speaker 2 54:00

I'm gonna look that up. That's interesting, I didn't know. That made you know. I mean that that affects do your job. Yes, yes, you know the, the core principle of what we both have common ground on. You know, I would submit to you that that person that may have that ignorant upbringing and is unwilling to change, maybe the bad fruit on the tree that needs to be cut over, the transgender person that just wants to be comfortable, because if you're in the foxhole with that person and they're like I Got this black guy behind me, I ain't covering him. Yeah, they, they're not doing their job. Yeah, the only thing that matters is that uniform and decisive victories over the enemy.

Speaker 1 54:35

Yeah, yeah, and I and I think that's just the, the trailblazing that's gonna have to be done going forward. I, I've seen it, you know, in the, in the, in the grand scheme of, like, you know, the entirety of the army you know I participated in for 27 years but the just how far we've come In that short amount of time with integrating females and homosexuals and now transgender. It's been quite remarkable and my own Initial biases have changed, having served side by side and having understanding.

Speaker 2 55:07

Dude, how wild was it when dadd got repealed. That was my prime time when I was in and, like all these people that I knew were like oh yeah, I'm gay and I'm like what? I had no clue, because my gay art doesn't work. And then I'm like, oh well, there's still my homie.

Speaker 1 55:23

I had no clue.

Speaker 2 55:24

Yeah, it definitely changed some preconceived notions that I had, because, like I look back on these things and, like you know, this wasn't exactly my sentiment. But if you take an example of, like man, I put a bunch of queers out there, they're just gonna be foking each other into barracks and but they're not, they're there to do their job. Yeah, you know, I mean what happens behind closed doors. If you ain't hurt nobody again.

Speaker 1 55:50

They're offended. Now I don't want to hit on me. What I'm not good looking. Yeah, what's up.

Advantage in Sports and Gaming Community

Speaker 2 55:56

Dude, my, my staff sergeant. Funny story the very first words out of my drill sergeant's mouth. When I got to basic we had to run in and put our hands on a bed, on a cot, and I had one. And Gillis, if you're out there, I'm never gonna forgive you for this. Right at the last day, three, two, one. Another hand grabs my cot. I look over, I'm like what are you doing? What are you doing? What are you? I'm freaking out. He comes over to me Is before DADT was repealed. Now my drill sergeant lost his hat mid basic training, just for the record. Uh, he says, are you homosexual? And I was like no sir, it's fun. A different bed, you know. He's like I had to move bed. I got top bunk and then four weeks later I got flipped out of my bunk when we got raided. So, gillis, love you but I hate you. That was how my basics started.

Speaker 1 56:53

Oh man, yeah, uh. So one one more question, then I like to talk about, um, you know your organization. Another another topic that comes to mind is often talked about is Transgenders participation in sports. You're seeing this. This happened where, uh, someone you know, biologically born a male, is now competing in female sports and dominating. What do you, what is your opinion on this?

Speaker 2 57:20

So this is probably where I get cancelled by a lot of people. Uh, that's fine, this is just my belief. Uh, because it's scientifically based. There is there's two lines, there's equality and there's fairness, and those two lines should not ever cross. If I'm a male and underwent male puberty and had the male advantage of More bone density and bigger heart and more lung capacity, like there are biological advantages physically, and male over female to do certain things. Um, if we take the swimmer, for instance, because everybody cared about swimming for a week and then didn't, um, there's reason why she went from 247th in the nation to number one in the nation overnight, because she had a biological advantage. And that takes away from those women, the biological women that have been busting their ass their whole career just to be blown out by a dude. This biologically A male, like that's what needs to be understood, as I am biologically a male and it doesn't matter what I do and it doesn't matter what I do. That's always going to be the case. That doesn't mean I can't be a woman, um, I think.

Speaker 2 58:33

And then then you get into, like, combat sports. That's where it gets dangerous. Um, I mean, if you, if you've got somebody that's biologically female and then biologically male and they want to fight each other and they're both in and have full consent. Have at it, sell all the tickets you want, but as long as they fully understand the risks involved. Um, I I don't know the answer, because I I don't know if there should be their own trans lead. I don't know, I I just know that I shouldn't go compete in female sports because it would be unfair, not to say there's not females out there that could kick my ass or blow me out of the water. But I'm just saying from a basic starting point, the fundamentals. I believe there's an advantage in that and I don't think that's fair.

Speaker 1 59:18

Hmm, no, it's interesting to hear your perspective on that, because that's been a hot topic for for a while and I, I would, I would agree with you. I think we need to come up with a, with a different solution, because I, I believe, biologically say the same thing. So, um Well, tell us about the veterans gaming and mental health mission. You're the board president, executive director of this awesome community You've put together, so tell us a little bit about that.

Speaker 2 59:41

Yeah, man, uh, what if I told you the video games could save the lives of our brothers and sisters? That's an easy sell, dude, because Through gaming we bridge the gap of connection between people that would otherwise never meet, and in that we develop friendships and we find camaraderie, almost a sense like Like when we were in the uniform back in the day, like we have our people, like we fly a flag. It's a different flag, whatever your game may be, whether it's a guild or a clan or or whatever that game calls it your group, your people, your home people Um, I just I know what helped me, because I'm not a therapist, I'm not a psychologist, I'm not a psychiatrist. I never try to purport myself to be one and I don't ever want to try to purport myself to be anything. I'm not.

Speaker 2 1:00:33

But I know what worked for me and I know I needed a lot of healing and I found a lot of it while I was gaming, streaming on twitch and Meeting people that I would otherwise never, ever meet in this life, because they're all over the world and they've enhanced and enriched my life in so many ways. I mean, when my family dropped me, my, my birth family, I felt so lost and then I realized, well, I've got a family. I've got a family in this gaming group that I have. So then I went on further to develop programs like the peer-to-peer support program completely confidential, peer-to-peer, like exactly what it says. Peer-to-peer support, just Hand-selected individuals that would rather hear about your story than hear about your funeral.

Speaker 2 1:01:20

Because they have love in their heart and they care. And Our short time in existence. We're only about two years old now. I don't have a tally off the top of my head. I know our KPIs are looking good For the amount of tickets answered. I believe in proactive solutions rather than the reactive, so I believe in a avoiding ever getting to the point of crisis intervention, and we do that by having our gaggle of people and in our discord. Where Somebody's falls, we're all there to pick them up. Doesn't matter who you are, don't matter if we like each other or not. If you're down on one knee carrying your cross, I will help you carry it with you because I know you would do the same for me, and that's that camaraderie.

Exploring Emotions, Gaming, and Gender

Speaker 1 1:02:09

Yeah, that's the. You know veterans transitioning that's one of the. The difficulties is finding that sense of community and camaraderie that you had in the military and you know, so I love that. That. You know you got this commonality with video games and you know a community together. How many, how many people are in your community right now?

Speaker 2 1:02:29

So in our discord we have let's see I'll give you an exact number at this very moment we have 742 people. We're looking at a couple things that could make us Exponentially bigger pretty much overnight by the thousands. But we've helped a lot of people within and outside of that because in those 742 people they're fired up, they're inspired, they've they found help and healing. They believe it when I tell them peace is possible, because they found it just through my method of Talking about it. That was the hardest and easiest thing I've ever done, just talking about my feelings, because we're not taught how to feel, we're not taught how to cope. But you got to feel in order to deal. You got a deal in order to heal.

Speaker 1 1:03:18

Yeah, that's it. That's a topic I brought up quite a bit and I've had some some guests on. Talk about your emotions, right. Generally, men, if you had emotions, think of emotions as, like the 64 pack box of Crayola Men are carrying around the little eight pack, probably the bigger crayons, and Women tend to have like the 16 pack. They're a little bit, they have a bigger emotional vocabulary and what I've learned is being in like, expanding your vocation, your vocabulary in regards to the emotion that you're feeling, enables you to just be more in touch with yourself. For and then it's okay because you know Upringing and the military on top of that, like you stuff your emotion away. Right, you got to go, you got something, you got, you got a. The mission right. And I think that's where we fall short is not having Good understanding of our emotions and being in touch with them, and I appreciate you bringing that up because I think that is a challenge for a lot of people.

Speaker 2 1:04:14

I think if we got to the bottom of that, it would solve a lot of the pushback of the transgender. It would solve a lot of the transgender nuance, because it all boils down to feelings. Yeah, and like you said earlier, like I don't understand in some regards I don't get it, and more or less words, and like how could you? How could you get it? Because you're not trans as far as I know. Yeah, so as you know, so, like how could you understand that? But if you have some baseline of, like, some fundamental understanding of emotions, yeah, the last example I'll give will quit. I was geospatial intelligence analysis before I went special operations and in that I learned that there are this has now been declassified but there is not 255 shades of gray. There's 256 shades of gray in the color spectrum and then there's black and then there's white, and I'm gonna be willing to bet that the answer lies somewhere in the gray rather than black and white.

Speaker 1 1:05:12

Yeah, it's not just binary, it's. Yeah, there's lots of different shades there. Yeah, now with your community, you guys all play the same game, like we're all over the place.

Speaker 2 1:05:21

We got we got our our people that play like dungeons and dragons. We got our people that play board games. We got our people that kind of follow whatever I'm playing my flavor of the week. We got our our first first shooter players. We got a ton of Call of Duty players. I can't do cod did just Kind of a little triggering for me, like the. The acoustics are pretty realistic in that game. So yeah, last time I tried to play cod Call of Duty, I want to relapsing for two weeks going off the rails. It was not good.

Speaker 1 1:05:51

It's a primarily PC console Mix of everything all over the place.

Speaker 2 1:05:55

I mean, what we really thrive on is things that are cross-platform, which has become in the norm. Thank God, like Doesn't matter what you got, you can play with all your friends. Yeah, you know, fortunately it's going that avenue. And you know, just today I invited a gal that you know she primarily plays mobile. We got mobile players soon. Man, as long as you're there and you know that we're there for you, that's all that matters. That's the game. It kind of becomes secondary. The gaming is the bridge to get you in.

Speaker 1 1:06:26

Yeah, that's great. So do you got? Do you invite? Is? Is anyone welcome? Is it veterans only? What?

Speaker 2 1:06:32

is your community. You know, the only stipulation is 18 and over. I I vehemently believe in protecting the children.

Speaker 2 1:06:40

Yeah and I don't ever want to be like we talk about traumatic shit, man, talk about heavy stuff, and I don't ever want to be the reason a kid is like, introduced to the banality of mankind, and then they have their own, like, oh my god, my veil is shattered and you know that's not my place. So 18 plus, but the scope is veterans, gamers or people that care about mental health. That's a pretty wide scope. Anybody that wants in, you're in. That's. All you need to qualify is that you want to be there.

Speaker 1 1:07:11

That's awesome. Well, how do people get a hold of all? Put your links in the, in the, in the chat, but how do people get in contact with you and in the community?

Speaker 2 1:07:20

Um, primarily our discord is where we operate. We're we're looking at branching out into a few other avenues, but that's where it all primarily goes down right now. If you're not familiar with discord, it's akin to slack, it's it's like a open source Social media platform, if you will. There's text channels and voice channels and that's it like it. When you first look at discord, you you might kind of be like oh my god, what is all this? But you just you have your text channels where it's all text based chat, and then you have your voice channels where I can hop in and if you see me chilling in there, you can jump in and hey, what's up, dude? How?

Speaker 2 1:07:54

much was up with you, just kind of walking into the building, if you will.

Speaker 1 1:07:58

Yeah, very cool, very cool. I've got discord. I haven't misrounded a whole lot and uh, but he does.

Speaker 2 1:08:04

I just think man another social media platform like Well, if there's one I like, well I would say if there's. If you had to pick one, traditional, I would go with linkedin, but non-traditional. I think discord is the way of the future because you can do everything that zoom does, you can do everything the facebook does, you can do everything that twitter does Is, uh, all in one place and it's just a good amalgamation of keeping your gaggle together. And, um, it's, it's as simple as discordgg. Slash, vgmh. Put it in your browser. It'll take you right to it. Awesome, and I'll personally sit down with anybody that needs to learn discord and show them the ropes.

Speaker 1 1:08:43

Yeah, that's awesome. I appreciate, uh, appreciate you taking the time Before we go because we're gonna move the toward the exit here. The uh. I always like to hand the mic off to my guest to ask me a question. So what, what question do you have for me?

Speaker 2 1:08:56

Yeah, yeah, how dare you? I would ask you what is a woman?

Speaker 1 1:09:06

Oh, oh man, this is the toughest question yet. Possibly, I don't know. I feel like, um, I hopefully I don't step on this. I mean, I think of a woman. Wow, that is a really good question.

Speaker 2 1:09:21

That's just Matt Walsh. You buddy, you did I mean.

Speaker 1 1:09:24

I guess I think of a woman, as it's probably gonna. I don't. I don't know how to answer this in this current cancel culture, but I think of someone that's. I think what comes to my mind is someone that's biologically born, a woman who, oh my gosh it's very nuanced you might you've stumped me.

Speaker 2 1:09:50

I can help you out here.

Speaker 1 1:09:52

I'll.

Speaker 2 1:09:53

Because I'm not gonna leave you to sink. Um, matt Walsh was very clever in that question and he thought he was the most clever person on the planet which it was very clever Only because you can't answer something that's Abstract. You can't in almost all occurrences Scientific, theoretical, etc. You can't quantify an abstract and the concept of man and woman is exactly that. It's a concept, it's something made up Like there's male and female. That's that's your science. But man and woman, what is a woman? How do you answer something that doesn't exist because it's not real? It's an abstract concept.

Speaker 1 1:10:37

I guess I think of, like you know what I, what I have been grown to believe, what women are, right, they're the ones that, like you said, biologically they reproduce, they're the nurturer in the family, they, they, I do see that, you know, in a relationship between man and woman, there are certain roles, that they mutually support each other. They, they, each have strengths and weaknesses and they, they, you know, bring them together to make a dynamic team. That's traditionally what I think of a woman as, um, yeah, that's, that's a. I'll be thinking about that one. Chew on that one for a minute.

Speaker 2 1:11:12

I'm gonna be chewing on yours too, because it. Can you rephrase it one more time for me, what you asked me earlier, because it kind of kicked my ass.

Speaker 1 1:11:18

Yeah, uh. And so what is? Why don't transgender people get counseling to accept the gender they were assigned at birth?

Speaker 2 1:11:29

That's such a good question. That's that's what I was talking about earlier the holes that I want to find in me. That's a hole I just found and I'm gonna patch it, I'm gonna put a lot of thought into it and I will come up with something. I hope you don't hate me for putting you on the on the limelight like that.

Speaker 1 1:11:47

No, no you're good, I. I mean, I love being challenged. You know, that's really gonna challenge my thinking, because it's like that's such a broad, like there's so many different angles. You could attack that with right um so yeah, it's a new host it is.

Speaker 1 1:11:59

I think, you know, I immediately thought of, like my children, my wife. I thought of like all the powerful women. I mean, what instantly came to mind Was the women in my life that I love and the ones that I really respect and I've had, I've been fortunate to have amazing like women leaders in the military and In my community. I think of, like you know, my co-host on monday's, angie betrand. You know that we co-host the monday morning, do hard Things show, and just all of the other women that are out there, stephanie valdivia, like the powerful women that are role models. That's what instantly came to mind. It's like powerful, strong women.

Speaker 2 1:12:36

Does it help if I use my girl voice? Hey, no.

Speaker 1 1:12:47

No, I'm something that you want for sure, and uh, it really makes me think and um, so, no, I appreciate you coming on in in educating me and uh in our audience and for those listening, like if you have a question you want to reach out. We'd love to hear your feedback on today's conversation and shoot us a question. I could see more questions arising.

Speaker 1 1:13:06

Love to have you maybe come back again To maybe answer some of those questions and I'm sure, well, we can continue the the conversation and just really appreciate everything that you're doing. And, yeah, I, I what a fascinating topic and just thank you.

Speaker 2 1:13:21

Hey, thank you for giving me the time of day and thinking enough of me to even have me on. I mean, coming from where I was, I can tell you that I was veritably a loser, a quitter, a liar, a thief, like all of these bad things that I used to be In my addiction and in my time of being down. And if I can find a way out of that and get to where I'm at now, I truly believe that anybody can, and if that's, if nobody takes anything else from this, but that like believe in yourself and I know that sounds corny, but if, if the loser that was Justin can do it, you can too. Yeah, just transition, dude.

Speaker 1 1:14:06

That goes all back to doing the hard thing right, having courage, facing fear, punching fear in the face and being congruently you, and that that you know, unfortunately there it like, goes back to just facing your fears and there's, there's no, there's no shortage of judgment and opinions out there, no matter what you do. So and we live in a country where you know, for the most part, pretty free I say the most part because there's some things you can't do, but for the most part I mean we have it.

Speaker 2 1:14:34

We are tremendously blessed to live in this nation 27th most free country on the planet, but that's still pretty high. Yeah, I was gonna. I was gonna throw one more thing out there and it just slipped away from me, but it was good. It was what you were saying, not when you said punching fear in the face.

Speaker 1 1:14:58

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 1:14:59

That's so key man. Um, what other people think of you, like your fear of what others may think of you. What someone thinks of you is none of your business, mm. Is what you think about you that matters, because, at the end of the day, when you lay your head down on that pillow and you have nothing but you and your eyelids, what you think about you is the only thing you should be thinking about.

Speaker 1 1:15:24

Absolutely 100, and I think that's a great way to end the show, and so we appreciate you guys listening to this episode. If you're listening to this, just thank you. You're someone that, uh, that's leveling up, open minded, growth minded, and if there's anything that you gain from this podcast, reach out. We'd love to hear from you. Feel free to reach out to Kyrie. Keep doing hard things. We'll see you guys in the next episode.